Thereâs four of them, Balgruuf realizes. He can handle one Dragonborn, sure, but a family?
Okay, so maybe Anskirâs siblings werenât technically Dragonborn, but years of living with one had obviously had an... effect of sorts.
Beno, a dark-haired Legion veteran rapidly approaching middle age, was quietly criticizing every little detail about his guards; âThat oneâs sword is a bit flimsy, donât you think?â âDoes no one repair their own weapons here?â âTalosâs hairy bollucks, youâd think theyâd be able to swing an axe!â, so on and so forth.
Rori, whose name Anskir insisted was short for âRotisserieâ, was quite obviously a necromancer and a practioner of forbidden Telvanni magics. Skir had called him her little brother, which sent him into a stuttering rage that he was only born six minutes after her, thank you very much. He also insisted that Vivec, the Dark Elf god, was alive and living in the center of the earth with Sotha Silâs secret daughter. Irileth was... less than impressed.
There was Anskir herself, a barbarian of a woman who enjoyed using the sacred art of the Thuâum to impress children. For her part, she leaned casually against the wall next to Balgruufâs throne, pointing out which sibling was which.
Then there was Gerda. Balgruuf had nothing against Altmer, of course â he prided himself on having an open, welcoming city to all kinds. It was just, Gerda... seemed convinced she was a Nord. Speaking in an exaggerated accent, trying to down a mug of mead despite being no older than twelve, trying to wield a sword and slicing up one of his banners in the process â
Balgruuf sunk lower into his throne and sighed. It was going to be a long day.
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(or, a sinner reflects on what makes a saint. somewhere, a dragon listens.)
Merry-of-Many-Names was widely considered to be a hero by the good people of Cyrodiil. Hymns she wrote were still sung in the chapels and priories of the Nineâs faithful; her statue in Bruma, a young-faced Nord with a dazzling but tired grin and bow held high in victory, still stood tall, two hundred years after its construction.
But her hymns were written as tavern songs, and her bow was that of a thief. The holy order she helped found had began, in truth, as a group of mercenaries.
The Dragonborn cracked a smile.
Anskir hadnât moved from her spot in the Cathedral. It had been hours since she arrived, and it would perhaps be many more before she left; if there was one thing Paarthurnax had taught her, it was the importance of patience in meditation and prayer. The answers would come to her, as sure as the dawn would paint the skies sanguine, if she had the will to wait for them.
Saint Martin stood before her, the sunâs light casting the cathedral into brilliant shades as it passed through the stained glass. His hair, gently pushed by a breeze frozen in time -- his eyes, closed in a picture of peace. And there -- the Amulet of Kings, guarded by his hands. Its ruby light was cast upon the back wall of the Cathedral, lowering as the sun rose.
âYou were a Daedric cultist,â said the Dragonborn. Her voice was but a whisper, and it echoed around the Cathedral like a Shout. âYou hurt people.â
She was not in a place of judgement. Far from it; she hurt plenty of people, and would hurt plenty more. Such was the nature of Mortality and godhood, the vain attempt to put an Adaâs spirit into a Mortalâs body and have it end in anything other than bloodshed and tragedy.
Saint Martin was a Daedric cultist, and she was a bandit. She told herself, in those days, that it was out of necessity. The only way to support her Ma, she said. One less mouth to feed, and a couple hundred Septims tossed her way when jobs went well.
It was a lie, of course.
She was a bandit because it gave her power. It gave her control. It gave her something to destroy.
âWas that why you did it, too?â She asked the stained-glass martyr. âIs that all we ever strive for?â
We. Who was âweâ?
Us, Anskir thought, those of us caught between mortality and something else. Us, she decided, the Dragonborn. She dared to weigh herself against the deeds of Martin Septim, by the right of their shared Blood.
The sun rose higher.
âWere you afraid?â she asked the Holy One. âWere you afraid to die?â
If it came down to it, would she lay her life down to stop Alduin? She pretended not to know the answer for a very long time, but she was never very good at pretending.
She would -- what sort of selfish fool wouldnât? -- but she would be very, very afraid.
âDid you think yourself a hero, Martin?â
The sun rose higher.
âOr did you think you were only doing what you must?â
Was Anskir a hero? No, came the reply, a truth from so deep inside her bones that she ached with the weight of it. A hero has a choice. To stop Alduin is my destiny.
Did Martin not have a choice? There are those who would say that to die was his destiny, but did he not choose to shatter the Amulet?
Did he not choose to follow the Hero of Kvatch? Choose to believe her? He couldâve run away. He couldâve left, couldâve refused the burden of the Ruby Throne.
The sun rose higher.
Did Anskir not choose to heed the Greybeardâs calling?
Has she not chosen to face Alduin?
She could run away. She could leave. She could refuse the burden of the Stormcrown.
Did you not choose to stay?
Anskir blinked, feeling as though she had woken from a long sleep; she rolled her stiff shoulders, stretched her weary limbs. It was late in the morning now. How long had she sat there, asking redundant questions and expecting an answer?
She pushed herself upwards, the wood of the pew creaking as her weight left it. The colorful refraction from the ruby Amulet was centered on her armored chest.
The Dragonborn paused - and then smiled.
Kogaan Bormahu, she thought, and the shared blood of Akatosh burned bright in her veins as she turned and left.
It was a dramatic death, from what Anskir heard. Something about the Heart of a dead god, replicas of the Profane Tools, and saving Sotha Silâs city. Apparently, he became a god.
Apparently, godhood isnât kind on mortal bodies.
That was something Anskir knew well, at least. Everything else flew over her head. Gods, hearts, tools. Ben took something into his own soul, and it ripped him to shreds. Thatâs what Anskir knew.
Aurori was devestated, of course. Gerda didnât know how to react. And Ama â Ama was getting ill.
It was to be expected. A mer loses three spouses in horrible, gruesome ways, and two of her children die just as life was really beginning for them. Ama fell ill, and Anskir left Skyrim to say her goodbyes.
She always liked the Temple in Bruma. She liked the one in the City more, liked being able to feel the cool stone that was once Akatosh Himself â but staring at the colored rays of light falling gently around the cathedral, the sun lighting Saint Martinâs halo in a brilliant gold?
...She liked it.
âIs this how you felt?â she whispered, her voice quiet in the empty church. âWhen you saved the world, did you know what you were doing?â
Anskir laughed. It was a mournful sound.
âYou lost a lot, too. Your friends in Kvatch. Your city. Your identity. Itâs weird, isnât it? To be a nobody one day, and the Dragonborn the next. Youâre still you, but youâre also something... more. A symbol. The peopleâs hope.â
She hunched over in the pew, resting her elbows on her knees, her chin in her hands.
âPlus you were the emperor. Gods. I couldnât imagine being in charge, having all those- those responsibilities.â She hummed. â...Maybe not. Maybe the structure would be nice. Orderly. Arenât capital-D Dragons supposed to like order?â
A hawk nesting in the belltower let out a shrill screech.
âAny advice for your old pal Stormcrown, O Blessed Saint Martin?â
Anskir, with all the grace of a middle-aged half-dragon Nord in love for the very first time, did not look at her apprentice.
âAnskir. Anskir, answer me.â
Clai was a young lad, just freshly nineteen years of age. Theyâd been traveling together since he was sixteen -- he reminded her so much of herself when they met in the newly-rebuilt Helgen; young, troublesome, and on a dark path. He was a lithe, short lad, with light brown skin and a curled crown of black hair. Clai was of the lively sort, always on the move; she could see him becoming an actor, if his path hadnât merged with hers.
âAnskir Stormcrown, Dragon of the North, protector of Skyrim, did you and my mother fu-â
âI was hunting,â Anskir replied, running an oiled cloth over the blade of her great-sword.
âAll night?â
âAye.â
âNear Dibellaâs Grove?â
âDibellaâs Gro -â She sighed harshly, shaking her head. âClaidheamhe, by Talosâs hairy tits I swear if you say that again...â
âOohh, Talosâs hairy tits, thatâs a new one. Iâm putting that one on the list next to Orkeyâs oozing underarms, Maraâs majestic thighs, and, who could forget, Shorâs glorious arse cheeks.â He reached into his satchel, pulling out an old, damaged quill, voice full of mirth. âWe could make a book full of these!â
She frowned, and ran the cloth over her blade again.
âIf you were hunting,â he began again after scribbling down the phrase (and a rather vulgar drawing next to it) in his journal, âHow comes you have no spoils with you?â
âI - was clumsy,â Anskir mumbled. âScared them away. âm not exactly built for stealth.â
âAh. So, what youâre saying is that you were loud --â
The red-headed Nord sighed. âYour mother and I had relations last night, Clai.â
Clai went red, a flash of bewilderment and confusion on his face, before it gave way to disgust. âThat- that is - why would you tell me that!â
She shrugged. âWeâve decided to start officially seeing each other.â
Clai threw his hands up, distraught, âThis is hell! Iâve died and Mehrunes Dagon stole my soul!â
âI should be moved in by the end of the month.â
He turned heel and walked away, groaning all the while. âNo! Goodbye! Iâm leaving and never coming back!â
Satisfied, Anskir patted the blade of her sword, a hint of a smile pulling at her lips.