#anpanjackson

One year ago today, at 1120am, my sweet son left this earth. I have no words for how much I'm still hurting. I'll never be the same without you, Jackie. I say your name on a daily basis. I carry tokens of you with me. You sit on my bedside table, & i kiss you multiple times a day. I love you, my son. What i wouldn't give to have one more minute with you - one second even - to feel your soft, brown fur, to gaze into your deep, brown eyes, to snuggle you one more time, feeling your warm body pressed against me, in that snuggle where you'd turn several times, then sit with all your weight on me. That always made me laugh. One day, my son, our stars will mix, & we'll never be separated again. In the meantime, my heart will always ache for yours. Please come see me in my dreams - always. I love you, Jackie. Bubba. My love. #anpanjackson https://www.instagram.com/p/CKUi227rTSHJiOT3t5qU81FloBJYJ3yt-6ShOg0/?igshid=1j1f4vht7cw83

#anpanjackson #ameliarose https://www.instagram.com/p/CJO4fIQL8oXMFVDnmBb5ANuEAacxiA0ryhnU4c0/?igshid=11dwaij0cla75

Sitting with my boy in his chair for our first Christmas apart. I miss you more than there have been tears shed, my son. What i wouldn't give for you to be here with me today & forever. I love you, baby peanut. #anpanjackson https://www.instagram.com/p/CJO2NiTL0TszVOlj_BFR1tK-lMMJ77vjXsXTHQ0/?igshid=vwfiogc01d36

Seester, thank you for my pb mask!!!!! #anpanjackson #ameliarose https://www.instagram.com/p/CJNKN1JrPxQ5OJxTAAPWryAbUN7C__UuK0h3Ec0/?igshid=14jzswusos3b0

We hung our first ornament on the tree together, a cardinal to represent my grandmother, as well as the other people in our lives we've lost. The cardinals in our yard every year just show us that the people we've loved are watching over us. Also, I didn't realize it when i first took the picture, but I like seeing Jack's face in the background. He's been with me every day, for 11+years, ever since i adopted him. One day, I'll get to celebrate seeing that brown face again. I hope everyone has a good end of the year, celebrating, staying at home, (whatever, as long as you're masked up) despite everything we've all been through this year. Our love & peace to you, your family, & your friends. May this next year be a year of prosperity for everyone, except trump & his kind. #anpanjackson #2020sucks #blacklivesmatter #arrestthecopswhokilledbreonnataylor https://www.instagram.com/p/CIwpXdTh2Ejl1acEj9KdBWA-7qJzHhYPMO4LMI0/?igshid=smsdfp1sy4jh

I had a terrible day yesterday, remembering that it was our first Thanksgiving without Jack. I cried all the way home & then some. When we got home, i laid down, so Justin & Millie came to lay down with me while i was sad. This is how we fell asleep, with Jack's ashes & collar on the bed between us. I love my family so much. I have such wonderful friends & family, but these are the top members of my fan club. They keep me together, & they know how to support me when i fall apart. For me, Thanksgiving happens 24/7. Miss you, Jackie. #anpanjackson #millierose #mamakittybooboo #jammyelisabethpie #samson #TL https://www.instagram.com/p/CIG7Lg-hGqqaOcRY7SGirz8RRLPZoRj2eLHYWs0/?igshid=md5gh1cy5za3

One year ago. Look at those sweet brothers, Sammy, with his tail wrapped around Jack like they're holding hands. I miss you, my Bubba. Your kitties miss you, too. #anpanjackson #samson https://www.instagram.com/p/CHaUs3TBzl5vvDAYQM0bUbJJTV3ajIkCjmq0zU0/?igshid=yohaorag05m1

This is one of our favorite Jack moments. He was always so funny, putting his nose where it didn't belong. I miss that big brown snoot. #anpanjackson https://www.instagram.com/p/CGnrpSqBkccQNdv4YJMPeEAHOu1pDEj8LMoulw0/?igshid=iaiukmrkuhf1