#anonymousblogger

Expressing my feeling has ALWAYS been hard. I can’t do it to my friends or even my family. I have always been told that I listen too much and don’t let enough out, I “bottle it up”.

I don’t cry in front of people, even during films I try and hold back, I feel...intimidated. Sometimes this isn’t a good thing and others I’m grateful it’s there, I’m just glad I have never cried at school (Touch wood). So I act perfect but on the inside every inch of my body crumbles before me, I try to be confident but end up being confused and following the crowd. I try to be committed but after two weeks I’ve failed, I try new things that I haven’t thought about and end up feeling guilty.

Sometimes I wish I could just fade into the background and sometimes I know, nobody would notice. It sounds like a cliche but it’s the way I feel. I feel pushed to the side if you will. I’m in a room FULL of people and I feel lonely. I feel nervous but try to put on a show. Even my parents think that I need to open up more. Sometimes I wish there was an escape.

I hope that people read this and realise that, it is hard for me to open up and they appreciate that staying anonymous will be for ever. That way, people I have never met before can read this from round the corner or round the world and they’ll never recognise me, so no matter if they like me or dislike me, I will never recieve hate from any of them in person. I hope you understand.

Plus I “might listen to much” but I am free to speak to anyone if they need me, I rather like helping people.

Anonymous girl xx

okay.... Let me explain. Sugar Plum and i were talking cause i told her “i’m lonely. I cant ever pull guys.” She did the same old “wtf you hot af you pull so many!” I don’t btw... Anyways basically i am the most award, shy girl, tell you get to know me,  you will ever meet. I do not mean do, i am just can be really awkward around people. Anyone, they don’t to be a dude cause it is fucking everyone. I also don’t think it helps is that i have never been one for random hookups? I only know being in a relationship. I did not ask to be awkward, i was just born that way(thanks mom and dad, your child is weird af). I wish i was more out going and more like teens my age. They all love going out and going to a party and all that stuff but it is just not me. That says panic attack all over it and being stiff and uncomfortable. The more i think of this the more i believe i am like this cause of myself? I put myself in its position where i have made myself terrified of “having fun”. That’s really all i can think of. Maybe i am just weird or i just am a very big loner and very much shy. I could try and out my self out more, but i do not know where to start.

Anyways i have a very small and embarrassed story i am going to type up right now... i hate myself lol

           Inspiration is defined by our dear Merriam Webster as “something that makes someone want to do something or that gives someone an idea about what to do or create”. Inspirations are everywhere and can be seen in everything that we do: why you get up in the morning, why you go to school, why we dress the way we do, etc. The question is, is it really necessary?

          Inspiration, when you think about it, is a big deal. Looking for a push to do something is no easy task. Believe me, I know. There are many occasions in a student’s life that you need to pass a reflection paper for class but you can’t do it because it’s nakakatamad eh. It’s very hard to find inspiration, especially for academic purposes. Inspiration is must so that we can produce beautiful materials that can touch the hearts of millions. Materials done without the artist pouring out his heart and soul is just bleh.

          In addition, the problem with inspiration is it comes and it goes. If you’re lucky, you may have it every day because of the positive vibes surrounding you. But for us amateurs who walk the earth uninspired, we take what we can get. In my experience, when I get inspired to write I immediately stop what I’m doing and write. Write my ass off until inspiration leaves me again.

          But then again, inspiration can be redirected. Sabi nga nila: Kung gusto, may paraan. Kung ayaw, puro dahilan. What I mean by redirected inspiration is inspiration to do something else but you will use it for another reason anyway because you’re desperate. For instance: You go to school and study hard to make your parents proud. If you make something by yourself like write a story and it gets published, then it turns into a movie (yes, that seems to be today’s trend), you will be famous and will get paid for your work therefore making yourself and your parents proud of your accomplishment.

          Inspiration are not only present on the good stuff, it can also be present in bad situations. If you’re a Swiftie, then you know what I’m talking about. Taylor Swift is known for having relationships awful enough people won’t easily forget it. As a free-spirited optimist, she turns those heartbreaking memories into chart-topping songs. Taylor mostly gets her inspiration from love, from her family to her exes.

          Other people might have a different problem: “I am overflowing with inspiration but I don’t do anything about it.” If you are one of those peeps then girl, sayang ‘yan! Akin na lang mehehehe. Seriously though, it would be such a waste if you don’t do something with it. Others might be itching to write or paint about something but just have no push to do so.If you are inspired, find a way to express it! Now you might say that you are not the artsy type of person who can express it through a passion. If that’s the case then I suggest you look for one! Art can be expressed in a million ways. There’s writing, composing a song, painting in a canvass, choreographing dance, singing, and baking. Artists are called as such because they express their inspiration through their art. If you really think you can’t do it on your own, then find someone else. Someone who you know can perfectly express the things you are feeling. If you are really THAT inspired, you might be already doing something because of that and you are just not aware. Who knows, you may be the inspiration for the next novel-turned-movie in the coming months.