Confessions of a Casual Daydreamer

I sincerly hope I’m not the only one who feels this way.

It is now normal to read about relationships anywhere, especially online. We see pictures of sweet couples where the guy usually shows his affection for his beloved and is often captioned “Relationship Goals”. These are the times when we tell ourselves that we will achieve that someday or we somewhat pity ourselves and say “Buti pa siya. Gusto ko na rin ng ganyan.”. But let me ask you this: Are you really, REALLY ready for a relationship?

There are always two sides on everything; the good, and the bad. Like what Angelina Jolie said in The Tourist, “People always have two sides. We must learn to embrace them both.”. Relationships are hard work. Not only the romantic ones but also the relationships we have with our family and friends. Conflicts are inevitable and we must learn to live with them. When it comes to family, there really are times where you can’t stand them just because of this and that, but we choose to ignore it or to let it go because we love them. Same goes with romantic relationships. You must learn to overlook their flaws because you love them more and choose to make it work.

I am in a point of my life where I want a boyfriend. Not because I wanna feel good about myself na finally may nagkagusto na sa akin, definitely not because of “sexual tendencies”. Maybe it’s because I wanna feel in love. The feeling of getting a “Good morning beautiful.” text from someone special, of someone constantly asking what you are doing. Baka naman katext lang kelangan ko. I’m really not sure. With my experiences in life, I definitely miss being in love. I have experienced being in love, and I wanna feel it again. The feeling of having someone to hold you and tell you everything is gonna be okay.

There’s this running joke: “Gusto ko ng boyfriend na may kotse and marunong magdrive.” Ano ba talaga hanap mo? Boyfriend or driver?? Haha. Kidding aside, having someone to accompany you anywhere are just one of the things we get when we are someone’s girl.

There are times that I wanna ask God for a boyfriend. But being NBSB, I’m scared that the guy God will give me now will be my future husband. If he’s great then why not, but what if he turns out to be a total jackass? So instead of praying for a boyfriend, I just tell myself that even though I feel that I am emotionally ready, God may think otherwise. It took me long enough to get over my last “relationship” and it wasn’t even a real one. It was a what if situation. Minsan naman naiisip ko na baka naman ‘yung guy na para sakin na ibibigay ni Lord hindi pa ready to be in a relationship kaya hindi niya muna binibigay sa akin. Minsan naman naiisip ko na baka naman gusto ko lang magka-boyfriend kasi I wanna feel what other taken girls feel, what the world pressures us to feel and have when we are with someone.

I know when the time comes (maybe when I meet “the one”) I will read this post again and laugh at myself. I will laugh on how shallow my crisis was. I will eventually come to realize how God made sure the timing was right and I will be thankful for that.

           Inspiration is defined by our dear Merriam Webster as “something that makes someone want to do something or that gives someone an idea about what to do or create”. Inspirations are everywhere and can be seen in everything that we do: why you get up in the morning, why you go to school, why we dress the way we do, etc. The question is, is it really necessary?

          Inspiration, when you think about it, is a big deal. Looking for a push to do something is no easy task. Believe me, I know. There are many occasions in a student’s life that you need to pass a reflection paper for class but you can’t do it because it’s nakakatamad eh. It’s very hard to find inspiration, especially for academic purposes. Inspiration is must so that we can produce beautiful materials that can touch the hearts of millions. Materials done without the artist pouring out his heart and soul is just bleh.

          In addition, the problem with inspiration is it comes and it goes. If you’re lucky, you may have it every day because of the positive vibes surrounding you. But for us amateurs who walk the earth uninspired, we take what we can get. In my experience, when I get inspired to write I immediately stop what I’m doing and write. Write my ass off until inspiration leaves me again.

          But then again, inspiration can be redirected. Sabi nga nila: Kung gusto, may paraan. Kung ayaw, puro dahilan. What I mean by redirected inspiration is inspiration to do something else but you will use it for another reason anyway because you’re desperate. For instance: You go to school and study hard to make your parents proud. If you make something by yourself like write a story and it gets published, then it turns into a movie (yes, that seems to be today’s trend), you will be famous and will get paid for your work therefore making yourself and your parents proud of your accomplishment.

          Inspiration are not only present on the good stuff, it can also be present in bad situations. If you’re a Swiftie, then you know what I’m talking about. Taylor Swift is known for having relationships awful enough people won’t easily forget it. As a free-spirited optimist, she turns those heartbreaking memories into chart-topping songs. Taylor mostly gets her inspiration from love, from her family to her exes.

          Other people might have a different problem: “I am overflowing with inspiration but I don’t do anything about it.” If you are one of those peeps then girl, sayang ‘yan! Akin na lang mehehehe. Seriously though, it would be such a waste if you don’t do something with it. Others might be itching to write or paint about something but just have no push to do so.If you are inspired, find a way to express it! Now you might say that you are not the artsy type of person who can express it through a passion. If that’s the case then I suggest you look for one! Art can be expressed in a million ways. There’s writing, composing a song, painting in a canvass, choreographing dance, singing, and baking. Artists are called as such because they express their inspiration through their art. If you really think you can’t do it on your own, then find someone else. Someone who you know can perfectly express the things you are feeling. If you are really THAT inspired, you might be already doing something because of that and you are just not aware. Who knows, you may be the inspiration for the next novel-turned-movie in the coming months.