Yo can i get some hurt/comfort historical lams please
You want more angst? I gotcha! This is going to be based off of when Laurens found out about Hamilton's marriage to Eliza. I used Nora from Duty and Inclination because she's the only person/name I could think of-
***
Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens sits at the dining room table in his father's house in Philadelphia. The house empty only but him in the room, the candle light flickering on the table as Laurens narrows his eyes on it. He leans back in his chair, his fingers drumming on the table as he ponders about something. His expression, anyway, dark and exhausted, seems to be pondering on something.
Laurens frowns with his lips pinched together as he leans forward against the table so his chest is pressed agaisnt the table with his arms folded on top. He stares down at the piece of parchment before him, blank. His quill and and inkpot beside him. He thinks about writing a letter to his Hamilton, updating him on his health and safety during his time on parole as prisoner of war. It's been almost a year since he last laid eyes upon his beautiful Hamilton and to be quite honest, Laurens has almost forgotten what he looked like. Which is what his portfolio is for.
Laurens reaches for his portfolio nearby and flips it open. He sighs through his nose as he pulls out a rough sketch of Hamilton, of when he was his and his only. In the sketch, Hamilton beams back up at him, his eyes closed and the corners of his eyes crinkle, his nose scrunching up. Mouth opened. He appears to be laughing at something, probably a joke Meade had said or a sarcastic comment from Harrison.
Laurens smiles as he stares down at the sketch, laughing himself a little as he traces over Hamilton with his thumb, resting one hand on his cheek while the other grips the paper. He swallows the lump down his throat as his eyes begin to water. In all truth and honesty, Laurens misses his Hamilton. He misses him more than anything. He misses that bright red hair of his, those strange violet eyes. He missed how Hamilton would talk in his sleep, curled up beside him and face buried in Laurens's chest. He missed how he would used to count Hamilton's freckles as he slept peacefully. In all, he missed Hamilton's beauty. He missed those soft, pink lips most of all.
Laurens sighs as he sets the drawing back down, face up. Laurens returns his attention back to the paper and grabs his quill. He begins to write.
A half hour has passed since Laurens began his letter to Hamilton. His father’s...employ in better terms...Nora enters the dining room hesitantly, watching Laurens draft his letter. Nora bites her lip as she glances at Laurens’s back facing her before back at the letter clutched at her hands and then back at Laurens.
“Mr. Laurens, sir?” Nora asks sheepishly.
“Yes?” Laurens says polietly as he turns around to face her.
“There’s a letter from a...from Mr. Alexander Hamilton for you?” she says, quickly handing it to him.
Laurens frowns slightly at the hesitancy of Nora’s voice but takes it nonetheless, carefully ripping it open. He braces himself for whatever news may come as he unfolds the letter and reads it.
His eyes scan the words until he stops on the words in his Hamilton’s handwriting: I give up my liberty.
He freezes, shaking his head as he rereads the words. His Alexander’s own words.
I give up my liberty...
Give up your liberty? Lauerns thinks. What--
I give up my liberty to Miss Schuyler. She is a good-hearted girl who I am sure will never play the termagant. Though, not a genius, she has a good sense enough to be agreeable, and though not a beauty, she has fine black eyes--is rather handsome and has every other requisite of the exterior to make a lover happy.
Laurens stares at the letter in his hands. He repeats those words in his head, his breathing starting to quicken as he shakes his head, his vision getting blurried. The words morphing together so it’s difficult for Laurens to make sense of them.
He’s married? Laurens thinks as he shakes his head, slumping back down in the chair. Nora rushes towards him immediately, crouching down in front of him to try to comfort him.
Laurens stares at his half-written letter to Hamilton in shock.
He’s married. His Alexander is married...? He’s... A thought suddenly clicks.
“Revenge...” Laurens whispers to himself.
“Sir?” Nora whimpers, scooting back as Laurens slowly stands from his chair, his mind churning.
“Revenge...he’s doing this for revenge...for me...because of me...” Laurens says as he begins to pace back and forth.
“Sir?” Nora whimpers from behind.
“He’s doing the same thing I had done...revenge...he did this out of revenge...otherwise...he would have told me sooner...”
Laurens mumbles. He glances back down at the letter in his hand, feeling himself growl low and his face twisting sourly.
Laurens growls, ripping the letter in shreds. He storms towards the table, grabbing the sketch of Hamilton he just had, staring at it for less than five seconds, before he tears it in half then tears it into smaller pieces. He yanks the other sketches of Hamilton out of the portfoilo, tears prickling in the corners of his eyes as Laurens shakes his head, not wanting to believe it.
He doesn’t look at the drawings as he tears them piece by piece. Laurens lets out a desperate wail, unable to hold it in any longer. He runs up the stairs towards his room and pulls out the other letters Hamilton had wrote to him. Words of comfort, words of hope and assurances. Words of love.
Laurens slumps down to his knees as he stares wide-eyed at the letters, his hands trembling. He hears Nora calling his name, but he ignores her. Growling again, seething, Laurens rips the letters in half. He then rips them into smaller pieces. HIs eyes lands on the first letter Hamilton wrote to him and freezes. Shakily, he grabs it and reads it.
Cold in my professions. Warm in my friendships. I wish my dear Laurens it might be in my power by actions rather than words to convince that I love you. I shall only tell you that till you bade us Adieu. I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart upon you. Indeed my friend, it was not well done. You know the opinion I entertain in mankind, and how much it is my desire to preserve myself free from particular attachments, and to keep my happiness independent on the caprice of others. You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent. But as you have done it and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on condition that for my sake, if not for your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have so artfully instilled into me.
Laurens scowls at the letter, the letter crumpling in his hands.
And rips it.
~~~
A few weeks have passed since the Laurens had discovered of Hamilton’s marriage to Eliza Schuyler and nothing has approved. Laurens has been rather quiet and distant, even around his father which concerned him somewhat. He hasn’t slept, hasn’t spoken a word since the discovery of the marriage. The marriage that took his Alexander from him.
Now Laurens sits at the table he was before, gazing off when a knock is heard. Nora quickly rushes over to open it, lifting her dress as to not trip over it. She opens the door and freezes.
Alexander Hamilton stands before her with a kind smile on his face, wearing his blue Continental coat and uniform. His bright red hair underneath the tricorn hat. Hamilton bows respectfully.
“This is the Laurens’ residence,” Nora says. “May I help you, sir?” She knows who he is, she’s seen such drawings of Hamilton from Laurens and she knows how he broke his heart.
“Good evening, Miss,” Hamilton says. “I am Alexander Hamilton, current aide-de-camp under General Washington. I am here to see an old friend of mine who was recently captured under the British seige at Charleston and taken prisoner. I heard he was on parole and he would be here.”
Laurens tenses when he hears Hamilton’s voice but remains still like he was before. His back facing Hamilton.
“His name is Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens?” Hamilton says.
Nora glances over her shoulder at Laurens before back at Hamilton. Finally, she steps aside and lets him through. Hamilton breathes out a sigh of relief when he sees Laurens alive and well before him. Safe and unharmed. And God, alive.
Hamilton takes off his tricorn hat and tucks it under his arm as he marches slowly towards Laurnes. He stops when he notices Laurens’s hand clenching around the quill.
Hamilton knows what this is about. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before reopening them again.
“John...?” Hamilton says.
Laurens swallows as he turns around to face him. “Alexander...”
Hamilton sighs, relieved. His tense shoulders slump. He smiles.
“It’s good to see you again, Jack,” Hamilton says.
Laurens says nothing.
Hamilton sighs, frustrated. “John--”
“Don’t,” Laurens hisses, his throat working as he clenches his jaw. “Just don’t.”
“John...my dear...you know ...you know I had to get married at some point...right?” Hamitlon asks.
Laurens still doesn’t say anything. Hamilton sighs and walks up towards him, standing face to face. Laurens narrows his eyes at Hamilton but tries to remain calm. Laurens crosses his arms over his chest.
“I can’t...we can’t be like this for the rest of our lives! Men can’t get married! Men can’t have children! We can’t...we can’t raise a family, Jack. We--”
“I know.”
“John, please,” Hamilton begs as Laurens turns around, his back facing him. “I understand your frustration and upset and you have every right to be but--”
“Do you?” Laurens snaps, glancing over at Hamilton. “Do you, Alexander?”
“Yes, actually, I do!” Hamilton argues. “I’m not the one who lied for two years about a wife left back in England and a child!”
Laurens winces.
“John, you have to understand--”
“Understand what, Alexander?” Laurens snaps. “I loved you!”
“Yes, I loved you as well! So much! And still do, every aching day!” Hamilton protests. “But it is required of the law, John! We...people like us...we do not have a place in this world.”
“I loved you!” Laurens shrieks suddenly, grabbing hold of Hamilton’s arms. “Do you hear me? I loved you, Alexander! I loved you first!”
The sight of Laurens breaks Hamilton’s heart, seeing Laurens so distressed and hurt. Tears trickling down his cheeks. Laurens lets out choked sob and rests his head on Hamilton’s chest.
“I loved you,” Laurens whimpers as more tears start to slip. “I loved you, Alexander...”
“But that does not mean you own me, John,” Hamilton whispers, stroking Laurens’s honey blonde hair and pressing a kiss to Laurens’s forehead. “I love you too, my Jack. Always.”
Laurens sniffs as he lifts his head back up to meet Hamilton’s eyes. Hamilton smiles softly as he cradles Laurens’s cheek. Laurens closes his eyes he leans into Hamilton’s touch.
“Marrying Betsey is, yes, indeed the happiest day of my life--” Laurens winces but Hamilton contnues. “But marrying her doesn’t chage my love for you, Jack. My love for you is never in doubt.”
“I wished to be your life, Alexander,” John mumbles.
Hamilton’s eyes widen and stares up at him in shock. “Jack...”
“I know it is impossible. I know...” Laurens sighs as he struggles to get his words together. “But if we could, if we were able...I would...I would want to spend the rest of my life with you Alexander.”
Hamilton beams as he stands on his toes suddenly and smashes his lips onto Laurens. Laurens grins as he presses his lips harder to Hamilton, causing Hamilton to grunt in response and hiss sharply through his nose, startled.
After a few minutes, Hamilton and Laurens unfortunately have to pull away and Laurens presses his forehead onto Hamilton’s.Hamiton giggles as he traces the crook of his jaw.
“I do.” Hamilton laughs, pressing his lips to Laurens once. “I do. I do.”
Laurens grins as he kisses Hamilton hard, their kiss turning from slow to a quick and rushed one, their breathing labored with each kiss. Laurens pulls back slowly, resting his forehead agaisnt Hamilton’s. He smiles as he whispers:
“I do.”
