#annasmasterlist

The gas station stood under the muted glow of the moon, its once-red sign now an overgrown relic, its letters lacking the shiny luster they had decades ago. The windows were boarded up with rotten wood, and the interior had been stripped down to its very foundation. It was the best refuge offered in the miles they trekked– the only, really.

Abby stormed across the linoleum floors, the rubber soles of her boots striking with an angry cadence, one maintained from the moments they stopped running. She carelessly slung her pack off her shoulders, letting it land haphazardly on the side, and drove her knife into the countertop. Planting her hands to steady herself, she murmured curses under her breath, a volatile symphony of emotions reverberating in the stale air.

The others trailed behind her, one attempting to make themselves inconspicuous by being the last– a futile effort given the charged atmosphere.

"Couldn't think of a name that didn't start with the same letter as your own?" Abby's voice cut through the silence, her anger evident even without turning to face her target.

Mel avoided looking at her hunched figure. The tension between them had been going on for months, and this was certainly the breaking point. Abby had been set on one mission for years, and all it took was five minutes for Mel to screw up. Your escape forced them fleeing farther than Abby preferred, dismantling their camp in haste and running until they felt some semblance of safety over the border into Idaho.

Embarrassment colored Mel's face as she weakly rationalized her guilt, "I told you it wasn't a good idea to begin with."

Abby scoffed and rolled her eyes, a sardonic smile curling on her lips, "What you should've told me was that you're totally fucking incapable. Would've been crystal clear, then."

Mel swallowed hard, feeling Abby's rage descend upon her like a palpable force. Glancing at the others, most avoiding eye contact due to their own discomfort, Mel crossed her arms and tried to find the courage to defend herself once more.

"I did my best."

"Well your best wasn't good enough," Abby retorted without missing a beat, finally turning to face Mel. The moonlight streamed through the cracks of the boards just enough to illuminate the intensity of her glare and furrowed brows.

It was clear that Nora and Manny's sentiments aligned with Abby's, yet they chose silence over confrontation. Jordan and Nick, perpetually indifferent, remained on the fringe, more interested in the thrill of hunting and hurting enemies rather than the unfolding of drama within their group.

"Listen, what's done is done, alright?" Owen placed his hand on Nora's back, an action that sent a pang of jealousy through Abby's stomach. She eyed them both with disgust and forced herself to swallow down the brewing nausea. "Now, our best bet is to head back to Seattle. We can regroup–"

"Se- What?" Abby's eyes widened at the suggestion. "No– We're not-"

"We don't have a choice," he cut her off and took a step towards her, concern evident on his features.

"The hell we don't!" Her voice thundered. "We're not going back!"

"You're being reckless!" Owen snapped back with an accusatory finger, "We can't afford-"

"Four years!" Abby seethed, her frustration pouring out, "Four fucking years, gone to shit because of her!"

Owen's jaw clenched, tired of the constant hostility towards Mel. "You're looking at a whole town to go after us, you know that, right?"

She pressed her lips into a thin line.

"What then, Abby? You wanna start a war with these people, is that it?" His voice raised with each word. "We can barely keep up with the Scars!"

The weight of the past bore down on Abby, her blind rage and need for retribution chaotically clashing with the pragmatic choice he presented, one that resonated with the others as they too recognized the impracticality of her rage.

Her clenched fists trembled at her sides, torn between her relentless pursuit of revenge and going about it all sensibly. She would've almost agreed with him– almost– if it hadn't been for the small voice that came from behind him.

"He's right."

The room plunged into a deafening silence, the air undeniably thick with tension now more than ever. Mel's figure was almost entirely shielded by Owen at this point, her provocation igniting an instant outrage.

Abby's features darkened and she ripped her knife from the counter, raising it as she stormed towards Mel. How dare she? It was bad enough that she embodied a constant reminder of everything Abby and Owen could've been, but now she had the audacity to defy Abby despite being the one responsible for this entire mess?

Owen caught her arm and she lunged against his hold with a powerful shout, "Fuck you!"

He pushed Abby back just enough to create distance, opening his mouth to speak but only being met with a forceful shove and resounding slap. "And fuck you, too!"

Abby's chest heaved as she backed up and glared between the two; one a former friend, the other a former lover– both nothing more than traitors to her now. She scoffed and shook her head, swiftly turning on her heel to retreat through a backroom and subsequent door outside. Manny exchanged a quick look with Nora before slowly trailing after her, while Owen watched her storm out with an apathetic expression and a loose arm wrapped around Mel in a half-assed attempt of consoling her.

Outside, Abby leaned against the cool brick of the building, her skin radiating a heat that would surely be more welcomed in the winter versus now. The bitter taste of frustration lingered in her mouth and it seemed like nothing could soothe the tumult within, not even the loud buzzing and ticking of insects around could snap her out of it.

She slid down the wall until she hit the ground with a soft thud and rubbed her hands over her face. She felt so much all at once– anger, grief, sorrow, resentment. This was all she could think about, all that she worked so hard for, only for it to be ruined. She couldn't fathom being forced to take ten steps back when she was so close to ending this nightmare.

Quietly, Manny joined her side. Her leveled counterpart, the one that could ground her when she was too close from flying off the handles. At one point in time, Owen had been that for her, but it ended long ago– back when he still believed in this mission, when he still believed in them.

Manny understood Abby's turmoil well– hell, he harbored the same resentment. He figured him to be another asshole left in this world to begin with, but the belief was solidified once he broke Abby's heart.

However, he also recognized the necessity of unity.

"Abs..." His tone was soft, "you know I've got your back, right?"

She shifted slightly, nodding and meeting his eyes. "And you know I hate Owen just as much as you do... fuckin’ idiot seems to forget these two are the reason we winded up here, but–”

Abby gave him a pointed look, to which he defensively held a hand up, "Maybe we should go back to Seattle."

All Abby could muster was a half-hearted scoff before Manny spoke again, "I know it's not what you want– but now they know, and now they'll be expecting… Think of it as a chance to make no mistakes next time."

She looked back down between her knees, reluctantly acknowledging the wisdom in his words with a nod. She sighed, her shoulders easing a bit of tension, "We were so close, Manny."

"I know, Abs," he placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, his voice carrying the weight of shared disappointment. With a gentle jostle, he infused a touch of optimism reserved for moments like this, "But listen... Just when they think we're gone, we'll be right under their noses, yeah?"

i will say that this is pretty self-indulgent and wrote it with the idea of a female reader (specifically for like one detail) so if this isn't what you're looking for i apologize :(

so like.. imagine this song playing at either camp from dutch's gramophone or at a bustling saloon in like saint denis (honestly what i imagine more in this scenario so that's what we're rolling w here) and the whole gang is there either drunk or tipsy or whatever

you've always had a thing for arthur as long as you can remember but always kept it to yourself because you'd actually die if it got out- you'd absolutely never hear the end of it from all the women and you'd hate if arthur got teased for it by the men

so you get a couple drinks in you and for most of the night you've been sitting by mary-beth and sadie while the other girls have been up on their feet all night dancing to all the other songs

every now and then your eyes wander to arthur and you smile at how cute he looks when he smiles and laughs with the other guys like john and charles and javier

and how handsome he is with his new short haircut and how he's dressed in all black with his sleeves rolled up and a few buttons left undone that exposed his chest in a way that made your cheeks warm up

and how the lighting also makes him look ten times hotter as if you didn't believe he could get more attractive???? but clearly it was possible

so when the song comes on everyone just lights up and gathers 'round and you see that molly and dutch are clasped together and so are john and abigail and the rest of them find their rhythm in the music

normally you'd frown at when even sadie and mary-beth left you to go join but you had enough alcohol in your system that it didn't even phase you

in fact, you were smiling and giggling at all of them, seeing that this was your family- as fucked up it got sometimes- and for once, everyone was able to let loose

and just when you thought that you were safe on the sidelines tonight, arthur swoops in and holds his hand out to you with the sweetest look

"c'mon, s'no fun without you!"

he makes you laugh when you hesitate by saying you get a free pass to step on his feet if it's the dancing part you're worried about

which it's not but you'll use the excuse and take his hand that perfectly encases yours

he throws you both right in the middle of it all and takes the lead into a foxy routine* which you fall into very easy, because again, it wasn't dancing that was the issue

and he seems to pick up on that very quickly but doesn't say anything because he's so focused on making sure he doesn't step on your feet and holding you and twirling you around and being enamored by how your skirt flares out every time like a princess

at one point when he pulls you back in after twirling your body is pressed right against his briefly and you don't notice the way he gets a little flustered because of.. well.. everything else going on

but his grin remains wide and he feels a flutter and ache in his chest and its not because of the alcohol

more than halfway through the song you get a little boost of confidence and slide your hand over his shoulder to wrap your arm behind his neck and you know it affects him by the way his arm snakes around your waist more

and you're both oblivious to how the whole gang immediately notices your proximity and how all the girls are giggling together while the guys are looking on with wicked smiles cause they know their boy's been sweet on you for a hot minute yets been too scared to be bold ab it incase you didn't feel the same (which couldn't be farther from the truth)

and once the song ends neither one of you really want to pull away but you do and he absolutely refuses to leave you alone for the rest of the night because he knows that something's started and he's determined to finish it at the end of the night before tomorrow comes and washes it away

so if you want another drink? it just so happens that so does he. he actually goes and either gets one with you or for you at the bar

you wanna talk to the girls? oh, he'll be around them too, taking all their (light-hearted) jabs at him just so he can be near you

when the gang rounds up again in a circle just to simply drink and converse, he's right there at your side again, standing so close his shoulder is constantly brushing against yours

and because you've all perhaps over-indulged in some adult beverages, of course you find yourselves huddled together and up in each other's personal bubbles, leaning in real close when someone talks because that's what everyone does when they've drank too much

so arthur places a gentle hand on your back to make sure that you're just in the circle as much as everyone else is, but also because he just really wants to keep you connected somehow

before you know it, you're relaxing into his shoulder as his hand rests on your waist again and it just feels so damn normal. like this is how it's always been

you feel yourself slipping and giving in, but you know he is too because of how you can feel his heart thumping against you and damn near out of his chest

while he enjoys the company and the time being had together, he feels the night dragging on and he's so desperate to get you alone

and he finally thinks he gets the chance when dutch hints at the idea that they should start rolling out to get back to camp and feels a nervousness building up

but you catch him off-guard when you take his hand and sneak away through a sidedoor to an alley while no one is looking and he laughs out of pure surprise

"what're you doin?"

"well one, i don't wanna leave yet. two, i know that wagon ride home is gonna be downright loud and obnoxious. and three, i'd rather be with you, so... walk with me?"

you're all smiles and so is he, and you stroll aimlessly around the town that seems to be busy at all hours of the day, hand in hand

you find yourselves near the outskirts of the town near the river when he starts to speak up and tell you how much fun he had and how good it was to see everyone getting along, as well as poking at you for being so hesitant to get up and dance since you did so well with him

you agree with him on the first two things and simply brush off the last bit, insisting that you had no idea what he was talking about, but you both knew it was just an act

he starts to say something else and then goes quiet and slows down, slightly tugging your hand to bring you back to him, which causes you to look at him with concern

he's trying to find the right words to say that every time he sees a pretty flower he wants to pick it and give it to you

that every time he leaves camp he makes it a point to see you last just so he can see your face and hear your voice because he doesn't know how long it'll be until he can do it again

that he notices every little thing you do and has written so many things for you and about you in his journal

that when you look at him, he doesn't ever want you to look away

and you're not making it any easier on him by looking ridiculously adorable while being incredibly confused and concerned, your eyebrows knitted upwards with expressive eyes that are twinkling under the dim street lights

he's fumbling over his words but you're able to piece them together little by little, a sweet smile growing on your lips as his hands are fidgeting with yours

"arthur-"

he snaps his head up at you thinking he's crossed the line, but the fear eases when he sees that you're grinning at him and slowly closing the space between you two, placing your hands on his chest

the corner of his lip curls up and his eyes are flickering between yours as his hands find their way around you like they have been all night

"i like y-"

you didn't even have to finish the statement before his mouth was on yours in something sweet and passionate yet eager and needy

the breaks between kisses were few and short, completely engrossed in one another and trying to make the moment last forever

when you finally did separate, you were both smiling and letting out breathy chuckles, acting all giddy like the couple of kids that you were

he leans in to your touch when you put your palm on his cheek and kiss the other side, being able to feel the warmth that'd been there all night

"take us home, arthur."

he reaches for the hand on his cheek and turns his head to kiss it, then dropping them both down and intertwining your fingers as you begin to walk back to his horse, his voice filled with such love in a simple response

"yes ma'am."

goddamn do i love that cowboy. i literally told myself that i wasn't even going to write anything else besides my ongoing fic rn but i just have such a soft spot for arthur it's unreal. also if anyone wants to like, properly write this and make it a thing please feel free cuz i was just spit ballin' with this lmao- the only thing i ask is to be tagged because i wanna love and support u <3

It wouldn’t be wrong to say that you were feeling some resentment towards the younger Miller for the recent days, and he certainly wasn’t making it any better by deliberately scheduling you two together on your first day back on.

Your name was scribbled in shitty writing next to his instead of.. well, you know who. You puffed out a frustrated sigh, biting your lip as you closed your eyes to quell the irritation that was already simmering during the early hour.

It was like a series of blows, one right after the other.

When you opened your eyes after Joel kissed you the other night, he was gone without a word. And if you hadn’t heard the click of his door closing again, you’d almost believe that the entire encounter was a product of your alcohol-laden imagination.

But it was real.

It was real in the way that it’d been the last thing you remembered before flopping into bed and the first regret you thought of the morning after. Throughout the hours that followed, the room seemed to stretch into eternity, spinning around you as you lay there, caught in a daze induced by alcohol, or maybe Joel, or perhaps the potent combination of both.

Morning found you sprawled atop the bed covers in the same clothes from the night before with a headache pounding at your temples, making you claw for a pillow to shield your face from the harsh sunlight filtering through the blinds. Even long after Joel’s awakening and departure for his shift, you remained ensconced in bed. The stillness of the house had been interrupted by the resonating thuds of his footsteps on the creaky wooden floors as he executed his routine; shuffling in his room for a bit, then descending downstairs to clank around some glasses and dishes, and then the forceful closure of the front door, ushering in silence once more.

Hours passed before you eventually emerged from your room, trudging downstairs to scrounge up sustenance from whatever you could find. The meager offerings weren’t the two proper meals that the day should’ve already seen, but they sufficed as something.

To say you felt like trash was an understatement, it plagued your body and mind. Playing Samson against Joel had been a risky move, one that was initially successful but terribly backfired into a mess, your moral compass lost in the haze of it all. Despite you drunkenly flirting, kissing, and saying misleading things, sober you knew none of it held true. You wouldn’t actually give any man the chance, unless it was him. Nonetheless, your actions tarnished your conscience, for you knew it probably meant something to someone.

Joel had remained an enigma. He was the one you saw first, he started it. He had the chance to leave with that woman, yet he didn’t, even after her provoking comment that made it sound like he was interested in doing so. No, instead, he glared at you like an enemy. And then after all the pointless arguing, he fucking kissed you, and then left you.

So, yeah, the entirety of the day was spent feeling dirty and wallowing in the aftermath of your own destruction.

And today wasn’t going much better by any means. So far, at least.

Brisk in your steps, you walked to the stables and gathered up your gear for the day, dread wrapping its tendrils around every aspect of your impending shift. Leading your horse to the gate, you impatiently awaited the arrival of the rest of the patrol group. You occupied yourself by tending to your horse’s coat and securing every strap and cord visible, performing thorough inspections on your packs to ensure supplies and ample ammunition for all your weapons.

Little by little, people started to show up, which somehow only triggered you to be even more impatient. You threw glances that served enough as a greeting to those that turned up, finding it best to just keep to yourself. Your veneer of detachment wavered momentarily as Samson arrived and gave you a smile that felt more obligatory than genuine as it failed to reach his eyes, and you quickly averted your attention back to your horse, cheeks burning as snippets from the night looped through your mind at the most inconvenient moment.

You’d been resolutely keeping your eyes lowered, so much so that you failed to register Joel’s arrival alongside Tommy. Only when Tommy’s voice sliced through the small talk did you raise your head, finally paying attention.

“Alright now, y’all know the drill. Eyes up, be safe. Don’t take no unnecessary risks an’ watch each other’s backs.”

His raised a finger and flicked his wrist, prompting the guards to swing open the gate, “Let’s go.”

Swiftly mounting your horse, you joined the procession, observing as they paired up and set off. You had only seen the back of Joel’s figure as he rode off with his partner, holding your gaze on them for a beat longer before steering off to your assigned route, gently guiding the reins as the steed surged to catch up. While you were definitely still annoyed with Tommy, you still maintained a civil demeanor, offering him a subtle nod when he smiled at you.

The well-trodden path stretched before you, one you’d traversed countless times. Your horse seemed to intuitively know the way, leaving you to drift into a distant reverie. Your gaze roved into the distance, resting on nothing in particular– a void for your thoughts to nestle within as the ambient sounds consumed your consciousness. Words remained dormant; your lips scarcely parted, your eyes keen yet affixed to the intangible.

From the moment Tommy laid eyes on you, he sensed something was amiss. His glances shifted from fleeting to lingering as he realized your mind journeyed elsewhere while being right next to him. It was as if you operated on autopilot, a description that aptly captured how you looked and felt. Uncharacteristically unsure of how to connect, he found himself at a loss.

Either way, there was a consequence to this. Conversation was inevitable, the topic destined to surface sooner or later, and in all likelihood, it would culminate in you reproaching him for not minding his business.

“Sure is quiet out here today. Not even a single bird chirpin’.”

A mumbled agreement left your mouth in response. A couple of minutes drifted by before he ventured forth again.

“Y’know, the other night, I-”

Your attention snapped into focus, and you shot him a pointed look, “I don’t want to talk about the other night.”

“Well then you don’t have to talk, just listen, then.”

Annoyance prickled at your nerves. You motioned toward him, your hand landing flat on your thigh while the other clenched around the leather reins, nails digging into the material. You didn’t care for what he had to say, but you recognized your protests would only be a futile endeavor as he’d find a way to voice his thoughts regardless.

“Look, I’m sorry about Samson-”

“Oh yeah? The part where he was the secret set up or..?”

A hand raked through his hair at your interjection, knowing where your line of questioning was heading. “All of it, okay? I didn’t know that you and Joel-”

“There is no me and Joel!” Your words were intensely curt.

Tommy may have been drunk, but there was no denying what he saw in those unguarded moments when you believed the other wasn’t looking. More importantly, what he saw when you did see each other.

Even in his inebriated state, he sought to mend his error by removing Samson from the overall equation with some bullshit excuse, hoping that somehow, someway, a connection would’ve rekindled between you both. However, his brother had a different course in mind, storming home and grumbling under his breath, justifying his abrupt exit to himself with the lateness of the hour and his imminent work commitments the following morning.

Your horses maintained a steady pace, the silence between you pronounced.

“If you say so.” Your words barely had a chance to emerge before he seized the opening, raising a hand to signal he wasn’t done.

“Listen, I know you and Joel got a history– a long one at that– and while I ain’t privy to all the particulars, I’ve got enough sense to know there’s somethin’ goin’ on.”

You shook your head, “Tommy-”

“It ain’t no secret that my brother ain’t the feely type,” he interrupted with a soft chuckle, “hell, m’sure you know that already, but when it comes to you, he’s just..”

His voice trailed as he looked straight on, leaving you to hang on every last word as your heart hammered in your chest. He’s just what?

It was like Tommy had heard your thoughts when he met your gaze again.

“It’s you, or it’s nobody.”

The sentiment left his mouth with ease, like it was just that simple, and you struggled to believe him.

Your mind casted back to the other night– the unhurried, gentle yet unwavering contact you shared just outside his bedroom door. His soft lips pressed against yours in a moment that felt far too short. The slight prickle of his beard against your skin, his fingers nestled in all the right nooks and contours and calloused hands cradling your face with a blend of care and intimacy that only comes from years of knowing.

It’s you, or it’s nobody.

Shaking your head slightly, you dismissed the memory in favor of the present.

“It’s.. not like that.”

You knew your counter was implausible, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to continue arguing. And either he’d gotten out all he wanted to say, or he saw the profound effect his words had on you and decided it was enough, because he didn’t say anything else regarding it.

He cleared his throat in a manner that was clear he was changing the topic, “Once we get up here to the post, I gotta have you switch off with Eugene, alright?”

You arched a brow at him, “Why? Afraid to be my partner for a whole shift?”

“Oh, real funny.” He rolled his eyes before setting them on you again with a more serious undertone, “Maybe.”

A smile appeared on your face for the first time today, though it was small, and he immediately grinned, taking pride in the small victory.

“No– Eugene’s got a lead on that one group, needa’ talk to him about it.”

Fuck.

Your small smile dropped slightly, masking it as an acknowledging reaction. Those documents demanded your attention as soon as possible.

“Fair enough.” You conceded, a hint of your customary demeanor returning to your voice.

The rest of the time getting to Mountain View Lodge passed relatively quickly. The rest of your patrol with Tommy was marked by a lull in conversation, as if a point of equilibrium had been reached after your earlier confrontation. Tethering your horse to its usual discreet and out-of-view spot, you both entered the lodge.

The interior sprawled expansively, its focal point a series of broad windows along a wall– a perfect vantage point for overseeing the valley below, which saw its fair share of infected and raiders. But when it was quiet, it transformed into an ideal haven for relaxation outside of Jackson, its timeworn leather booths circled around fireplaces that proved a comforting companion during the harsh winter months.

Eugene’s greeting garnered a nod and smile from you, and once he and Tommy dove into their own conversation, you dismissed it as unimportant background noise. Directing your attention to the log book, you flipped through its pages and skimmed the entries; straightforward accounts of patrols, punctuated occasionally by Joel or Tommy’s scrawls, often laced with lighthearted banter or aimed at other patrol members, most frequently Mike.

Hooking your thumb under the straps of your pack and sauntering over to the window, you gazed out at the ever-captivating landscape. The prospect of watching over the area for the remainder of the shift didn’t sound too bad. No need to engage in conversation, no pressure to keep an eye on anyone but yourself, and one big ole’ place all to yourself.

“Hey Joel, Tommy’s here, I’m about to head out!”

You spun around to face the two men. Eugene looked in the direction which he called out to, while Tommy’s attention seemed magnetically drawn to the floor, a practiced evasion that didn’t go unnoticed by you. His tendency to omit information from you had become an increasingly noticeable pattern.

Your initially piercing gaze softened into something resembling discomfort as Joel rounded the corner, his eyes locking onto yours. His brisk stride slowed, his posture straightening, and his mouth gaped though no words came out. His eyes remained fixed on you, an unanticipated presence that caught him off guard as much as it did you. His gaze lingered a beat longer before tearing away to address the others in the room who were silently observing the wordless interaction between you both.

Tommy had, once again, displayed his shrewdness; his strategic move to involve a third party designed to preempt your opposition. His plan worked as intended, leaving you limited to a dismissive wave as he and Eugene left, a collective wish for safety in the air. Notably, you caught Tommy’s apologetic smile directed at Joel.

The moment they were out the door, you slung your bag into the open booth and sank down heavily beside it, your back turned to Joel. You paid no mind to his heavy footsteps as you picked through your bag to extract a rag and withdrew your pistol from its holster, rubbing the cloth along the barrel to rid it of dirt and grime and using your fingernails for precision. This would only take so long, and you had a long fucking shift to get through.

The hours passed and not a word was shared. You found yourself cleaning your guns and knife twice over, the repetitive task barely doing anything to take your mind off the only other person in the room. You hadn’t moved from the booth, and he remained rooted wherever he’d taken position, the exact location unknown since you didn’t even look at him. An ache burned into your neck and lower back, and you could feel the blood clotting in your legs from the prolonged sitting. Between the pain, humidity, and his presence, the room felt suffocating, and you needed to get out.

“I’m gonna go take a lap.” Your voice monotone as you stowed your gear into their rightful places, leaving your pack in the booth as you stood and strode towards the door.

“Ain’t much out there.” Joel’s gaze tracked your movements, though you sidestepped looking directly at him, gliding past his seated form.

“Should be a quick one, then.” You countered.

“You know the rules, no roaming– especially alone.” His voice bore a note of warning.

You brushed his caution aside, your steps carrying you closer to the door. “You can keep an eye on me from up here, it’ll be–”

A large hand enclosed around your arm, effectively halting your stride. Your narked expression mirrored his own as you pivoted to face him, his hold firmly asserting itself.

“M’not gonna repeat myself.” His drawl low.

“Then don’t.” You threw the attitude right back in his face, yanking your arm free from his grasp and spinning around to grab the door handle. It had barely opened an inch before he slammed it shut with his palm, gluing his hand to the spot and standing over you.

“Move, Joel.”

“There ain’t no need to go-”

“Oh, fuck off, would you? Gonna fucking trap me in here with you and not say anything to me the whole goddamn time?” Your agitation flared as you stalked off, scanning around for any other opening to leave from– contemplating even heading upstairs just to put the distance between you two.

“Tell me how you really feel, why don’t you?” He goaded as his hand slid down the door and took a few steps in your direction.

“Yeah, like last time? Cause that worked like a real fuckin’ treat.” You scoffed, incredulity lacing your tone. You expected him to shake his head or be dismissive, but he just looked at you intently.

“I-”

“You kissed me, and then left me out to dry!” Your anger evolved into a sardonic grin, his guilt evident as he lowered his eyes. “So, unless that was your way of breaking my heart, then..”

Your voice died on the last word, reiterating the plea you shouted from the other side of the door that night before it happened, your hands falling heavy on your thighs after their emphatic gestures. Where your train of thought was going, you weren’t quite sure, but a palpable ache stirred in your chest and seeped through your entire being as his silence loomed, fearing that you just hit the nail on its head.

Maybe if you walked quick enough, you could slip out the door.

In a split-second decision, you decided to take the chance, the handle just in your reach before his hand wrapped around your arm again.

“Leave me al-”

He caged your body against the door with his own, his hands planted on each side of your head as his large frame towered over you, ducking his head down to capture your lips with own.

When he pulled back, his brown eyes were wide and lust-blown in supplication. His chest heaved with unsteady breaths, a telltale sign that he was teetering on the edge of control and moments away from losing it all. Your eyes raked over every facet that rendered him complete; every wrinkle, scar, and freckle that covered his skin that were once observed from a distance, now before you in sharp focus and transformed into a mosaic of perfection. His plump lips bore a fervent shade of pink, an irresistible invitation to meld your mouth against his once more. An intoxicating scent enveloped your senses, a harmonious dance of notes and undertones of woods and herbs, woven together with astonishing finesse that unveiled a new layer with every passing second.

You closed the distance with desperation to feel him everywhere, kisses becoming more aggressive and invasive, tongues swiping over lips and against each other in begging for more permission. Your fingers tangled in his hair to bring his face impossibly closer to yours, noses pressing into cheeks, and his hands trailing down to your ass and giving you a firm squeeze. You moaned into his mouth when his hard-on brushed your thigh through both your jeans, rolling your hips into him.

Your action pulled a pleasurable groan from his throat, making him cup your thighs and hoist you up to move you elsewhere, your legs wrapping around him instinctively. He placed you both behind the bar and sat you on the counter, moving his mouth down your neck to suck spots and soothe them with his tongue. His hands splayed across your thighs, fingers mere centimeters away from your burning core that you needed him to touch.

His fingers dug into the hips of your jeans as you were pressed chest-to-chest, hands still lost in his hair. Your mouths were hot on another again, teeth clanking and saliva trailing wherever his mouth was on you, “Joel, I-”

Your short sentence was cut even shorter by his thumb brushing just above your sensitive spot, making your body shutter from the sudden contact, a reaction he became acutely aware of. A smirk spread on his face when he pressed his thumb against your jeans and you rocked forward immediately.

Gently, he dragged up and down along the seam, pressing kisses to your jaw up to your ear as you squirmed under his touch, teasing you with his voice, “Y’like that, huh?”

You moaned at every touch, all of it more than you could have ever expected. It’d been years since being even remotely physical with someone, and now you had Joel, the last person you ever imagined to be with, all over you. It felt like a dream, and you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

His fingers undid your jeans and he pulled them down enough to get access to where you both wanted him, swiping his thumb over the dampness of your panties and letting out a shaky breath at just how wet you were for him. He wrapped a strong arm around your waist and slid you closer as he leaned you backwards with hot kisses, sneakily diverting your attention while he pulled your panties to the side and sunk a finger into you, your sounds of pleasure muffled against his mouth and your hands gripping his shoulders.

You writhed until you were on the edge, pressing your body into him and his one arm stabilizing you while the other was between your legs, pumping one finger, then two. Shamelessly, you rocked into his hand, bucking your hips when his thumb rubbed circles against your clit and letting out soft gasps.

“That’s it, c’mon– use me, use my fingers,” he coaxed as he watched you ascend to seventh heaven with your eyes screwed shut and your mouth agape, “cum for me, darlin’.”

You rocked faster into his hand as he did a blissful combination of pumping, curling, and rubbing, feeling the fiery tightness in your stomach about to snap. You dug your fingers into his back as you clung around him, his arm holding you steady as he finger-fucked you. Burying your face in his neck, you were met with the warm and rich aromatic spices that flooded your sense of smell again, making your lungs and head feel lighter; rosemary and juniper mingling seamlessly with hints of musk and leather. He felt and watched as you came undone by his doing, your body constricting and your pussy tightening around his fingers, wishing he could see your face as you came. He muttered sweet praises as you rode out your high, but you were barely able to hear them from the white noise that exploded in your ears.

You whimpered at his fingers leaving you, opening your eyes just in time as he brought you down and faced you the other way. A lazy grin spread across your face as you heard the sound of his belt coming off, knowing what was next.

He pressed his pelvis against your backside, his warmth a heavenly feeling on your bare skin. His head brushed at your bundle of nerves as he guided himself along your folds, slicking himself with your heat, the contact making you putty in his hands.

“F-fuck,” the hot, soft skin of his cock on your pussy drove you up a wall, “n-need to see it– see you.”

He nuzzled his nose just behind your ear, “One of us s’gotta keep watch.”

Fuck if he thought that you would be the one watching, how could you possibly focus on anything else but him right now?

And as if anyone or anything would be around. But if they did, man did they have a sight to stumble upon.

He lined himself up and cupped the base of your neck, using it to hold you in place and as leverage to sink into you. You both let out mangled moans as he pushed in, his grip tightening on the back of your neck as he went deeper. Breathy gasps and muddled curses left your mouth as your pussy stretched to his girth, overstimulated by his sheer size and how fucking good he felt inside you.

“God– You’re so- agh-” he grunted, “so fuckin’ tight.”

He pressed himself into your back and buried his face into your shoulder as he bottomed out, his mind spinning from simply sheathing his cock into you. His hands fell to your hips, the pads of his fingers digging into the plushness of them. And once he started off in agonizingly slow thrusts, you soon recognized it as a sweet pleasure that you’d never felt before, the sensation incredibly gratifying and making your nerves pleasantly hyperesthetic. It made you weak in the knees, yet you pressed your ass against him to greedily beg for more.

He gradually picked up the pace, flesh smacking against flesh. You arched your back to give him better access, his body attuned to yours and adjusting accordingly. With every thrust, you jolted forward with airy breaths leaving you slackened jaw, feeling high off his touch, but you wanted more. Being that you were standing and he was behind you, it gave you barely any power to move how you wanted to, the pace and power solely in his hands.

“F-faster, Joel.” You managed to stammer out.

He purposely slowed down, craning his head to press lips against your ear, “What’s that, darlin?”

You whined at the stillness, trying to keep the motion going but miserably failing. His low chuckle made you want to cry, your whole body flushing in a frazzled hot sweat from the game he was trying to play.

“Use ‘em words, tell me what y’need.” He could get you to come from speaking to you like that, period. You whined even more when he teased his head in and out of your hole. “C’mon sweetheart–”

“You! Need you! Fa-” You cried out as he buried himself deep in you to the point his cock was vibrating from straining so hard, making you clench down on him and hearing a satisfied grunt from behind you.

“Good girl.”

He had you mewling as he drilled into you, fucking you into oblivion with his nasty acts. The sound of your skin wetly smacking had been the loudest in the room, followed by your blended grunts and gasps, his ragged breaths the most delicious sound you’d ever heard. Your heat was dripping down your thigh and pooling at the base of his cock, a divine sight that further fueled his sin. He snaked one hand down to your clit and rubbed fast circles, the tightness in your stomach rapidly coiling up again and forcing you to grip the edge of the counter.

“Such a good girl f’me.. to me.”

The sound of his praises and the squelching of fluids was quickly bringing you to your second high. You lacked the ability to turn over your shoulder to look at him, “Joel, I’m gonna-ah!– Gonna-”

Your mouth hung open as you threw your head back, his thrusts growing erratic and free hand hurrying up and under your bra to take your hardened nipple into his thumb and forefinger, pinching and rolling it between his fingers. In a matter of seconds, you were crumbling under his touch all over again by all the different and pleasurable sensations, your vision blurring and hot white ripping through your body. Your voice was lost in Joel’s, his pumps sloppy but still snapping hard into you.

“Fuck, darlin’, so fuckin’ pretty like this,” his head buried into your neck and shoulders, “got you– hah– got you all over my cock, givin’ you what he couldn’t.” Even through riding out your high a second time, your eyes widened at the subtle confession of jealousy. “Mine– always been–”

Quickly, he pulled out and spent himself away from you, leaning into your body and wrapping an arm around your waist as he shuddered through his orgasm with husky grunts. Your head hung as you braced yourself against the counter to act as a pillar for him, the adrenaline draining from your body as clarity took the place of it. He tucked himself away before retracting entirely from you to lean against the opposing counter, but not without pulling your panties and jeans up in a lazily swift motion first.

The room settled into a hushed stillness, interrupted by the labored breaths that punctuated the space as you both sought to regain your composure. You could feel your shirt sticking to your back, surely a trail of dappled sweat soaked through and down your spine that Joel could see as your back was still turned to him. The lack of light in the room indicated that nightfall was on your heels, meaning that it was past due the time you should’ve left to start back to Jackson, but you couldn’t find it in you to care about that right now.

Just two days ago, he kissed you and left without any kind of closure. And now, he’d just fucked you, twice.

With a gentle touch, he pivoted you around by your hip until you faced him, looking at each other with half-lidded eyes, yet it seemed that he had already bounced back quicker than you had. Even without proper lighting, the sheen of sweat visibly glistened on his forehead, tiny droplets matting down strands of hair around the frame of his face.

“Should get goin’.” He didn’t look at you as he delicately zipped up and buttoned your jeans, a task you were gathering the energy to accomplish on your own.

You nodded, silently acknowledging him, but more stunned by the act. Without further exchange, he retreated from you to grab his bag and headed outside.

Again, you were left alone with no kind of explanation of what the hell just happened, albeit in a much bigger, quieter, and darker space this time.

Your head was fucked. On and off. Hot and cold. Moments of potential followed by abrupt deflation.

What is happening?

Through the expanse of windows, the moon’s emergence over a distant peak caught your eye, a silent reminder of the advancing hour, urging you to gather your own things to get a move on.

You were definitely late now.

The walk home from the stables was quiet aside from the buzzing of insects. Walking in tandem, you barely looked in the other’s direction, though your thoughts were screaming about him. Every house you passed had their lights out and curtains drawn, a clear sign of the curfew set in place that you both were breaking right now, and how suspicious it’d look to anyone if they caught you. If you were lucky, Tommy would sweep it under the rug– maybe– but a greater concern lay in Maria finding out.

The glow of your own house’s lights struck you only upon crossing the threshold, a worried Ellie instantly appearing in the foyer– another person you forgot to consider answering to for your poor punctuality.

“Where have you guys been?”

You never thought you’d be on the receiving end of this situation, an unforseen shift that left you feeling unusually juvenile.

“We-uh..”

“..Had some stuff-”

“Had to go and-”

“Took care of it.”

Your faltering excuses had Ellie looking more confused than ever, her brows furrowing and scrunching in rapid succession as she attempted to parse both your disjointed words. It probably didn’t help that you were both disheveled and sticky with sweat while you muttered out words, though you could’ve played that off for the heat.

“Got caught up with some infected,” Joel looked over at you for the first time since the lodge, and you noticed the faintest blush gracing his cheeks, “threw us off on the way back, that’s all.”

You held your breath as Ellie continued to look at you funny even as you nodded to Joel’s lie. She was still skeptical, but ultimately let it go. “Well, I’m glad you guys made it back safe,” she eased her stance, “I was about to go knocking at Uncle Tommy’s.”

What a shitshow that would’ve been.

“Sorry to keep you waitin’, kiddo,” Joel crouched down, deftly undoing the laces of his boots and slipping them off, “why don’t you go get some rest now?”

“Read my mind.” A yawn accompanied her acknowledgement of the suggestion. She shifted her weight back on her heel, briefly looking you both up and down, “I’d give you guys a hug, but you seem kinda..”

“Goodnight, kiddo!”

“Go to bed already!”

Chuckles rippled through the room in the light moment, relief settling over you that your appearance was received how you were hoping it was. A small, contented smile remained on your lips even after she left, always having the ability to leave the room just a little bit brighter than before.

You reached down to grab your boots only to find them gone as if they vanished into thin air, then noticing how they swayed in Joel’s grasp as he placed them in the cubby-hole in the laundry room. You stared at him, the act registering more than just the simple one it was– no, there was something underneath it.

Because first it was your jeans and underwear, and now it was your shoes.

He paused at the foot of the stairs, staring down at the first step and then towards you. He looked.. exhausted.. to say the least. Like he was thinking about everything and nothing all at once. Silence wrapped around the room, a palpable avoidance of it, though so much needed to be said.

“Did you wanna..”

Your eyebrows slightly raised. Is he about to..?

“Take a shower before bed?”

Oh. Right. Because you share a bathroom, and he probably wants to take one.

“Uh- yeah,” you blinked out of thought, “probably be good to do.”

He pursed his lips and gave an awkward nod as you brushed past him, skipping every other step to grab clothes from your room and rushed to clean yourself so that you weren’t imposing too much on his sleep.

It would’ve taken you less time if you hadn’t had such a mess to clean up between your legs, making a mental note to maybe have something on you next time, if there even was a next time.

While you dried your hair, you bunched up your dirty clothes into the shirt you’d worn, having planned to drop it in your own laundry basket. But when you saw his sitting in the space behind the door, something compelled you to drop yours in. He probably wouldn’t have noticed once he threw his clothes on top of yours, and it all had to get cleaned anyway, right?

When you opened the door, a lamp had been turned on and Joel sat in the chair closest to his turntable, though no music played. How long he’d been sitting there, you didn’t know, but after all, it was his room.

You leaned against the doorway while running your thumb over the towel in your hands, “Hope I didn’t take too long.”

He shook his head, but it was infused with a genuine sincereness, like you could’ve been in there for an hour and he wouldn’t have minded.

Things felt.. different, now.

Your attention shifted to an album positioned atop his pile and a small white square in his hands, and if you squinted, you were almost certain that it was the one you were thinking of. You gently inquired about the item you were sure to have seen before, “What’s that?”

His eyes peered up at you, registering a hint of surprise, “Uh.. picture Ellie took ‘while ago.”

“You keep a lot in there?” Joel’s movements stilled as he slid the polaroid back into the album sleeve.

Shit, too much.

“No, just this one.” He answered with candor as he placed the sleeve with the rest, “Haven’t found the right frame for it, yet.”

Now, you knew that it was definitely Joel in the picture, because why else would he have kept it? You now also garnered two more pieces of information: It was taken by Ellie, and it had to have been taken in Jackson. It was likely that he had divulged more than he probably wanted or intended to, so you didn’t press any further.

“Well,” you steered the conversation away from the subject, “thanks for letting me get a shower in.”

He nodded with his gaze trained on the floor as he turned to rummage through his drawers for clothes, taking it as your cue to finally get out. With meek steps, you crossed the room, getting one foot out the door before he called your name softly, catching yourself on the frame to look back at him.

“Just.. wanted to say goodnight.”

He seemed to wrestle with his emotions, and though his eyes struggled meeting yours directly, the attempt to connect was clear. The tension that held your expression in what felt like all day finally softened, but a familiar ache rested deep within you.

You wanted.. sleep, for one, but also answers– or was it closure?

Who even fucking knew? Because you surely didn’t, and Joel probably didn’t either. And trying to figure it all out in the span of the current moment was pointless, especially while you were still lingering in his doorway.

Whatever was happening, it wasn’t easy, and it was far from being over.

The two of you walked through the streets of Jackson, the crunch of snow beneath your boots echoing with each step.

Though you preferred pretty much any other season, you still appreciated the town in its winter beauty, admiring the pristine layers of untouched white on the roofs and lights strung that lit up every inch of the settlement. Even the holiday decorations that were thoughtfully placed throughout the town square added a special touch.

The bitter cold nipped at your cheeks, making you readjust your scarf every few minutes. Your hands were tightly tucked into the pockets of your sherpa-lined winter coat as Ellie had been in such a rush to find Joel that you hadn't grabbed gloves.

You passed fellow neighbors and residents while strolling through, asking if they'd seen Joel, and quickly pushing on when they said no. You could see Ellie's eagerness in your peripheral as she scanned over her shoulders every few minutes, hoping to catch a glimpse of him somewhere.

The Tipsy Bison proved fruitless, as did the dining hall and stables. Options were dwindling, and yet you knew he couldn’t have been far. He was a man of few connections, valuing the presence of only a select few: you, Ellie, and-

Tommy.

Without a word, you pulled Ellie's hand in the direction of your last good guess, and whispered a praise under your breath when you saw that the lights had still been on in his house. Ellie trailed behind you, hiding behind your frame as you walked up and knocked on the door.

To your relief, it had swung open on the third knock with the younger Miller on the other side. Before you could even say anything, you saw him over Tommy’s shoulder, sitting at his dining room table with his back turned towards the door. His head rested in his hand, and you imagined a cup of coffee in front of his hunched figure. When your eyes fell back to Tommy, he had already connected the dots and gave a sympathetic smile as he stepped back to allow you in.

The new footsteps had caught Joel's attention, causing him to rise out of his seat and face the new presence in the room, but his feet became stuck to the floor once he saw you and Ellie. His mouth opened and shut, unsure of what to say– if to say anything at all– while nervously glancing between you three.

"Tommy,” Ellie’s tiny voice surprised you and the two men, “I'd really like if Joel could come home."

His hand instinctively went for her shoulder in a comforting gesture, his tone calm and heartening, “Yeah! Yes– Of course.”

He looked at Joel with a concerned look, “I should be puttin’ you on night duty for the next two weeks for makin’ them suffer out in the cold like that!” Tommy shot you a knowing wink before engulfing Joel with a brotherly hug, mumbling something along the lines of just fuckin’ with you and clapping him on the back.

He opened the door as Joel approached your side with his hands shoved into his pockets. Your eyes met his briefly, but the moment seemed to last more than that. In it was a familiar exchange that’d been played out time and time again, an expectation– Oh. It’s you. But it’s always you, isn’t it? – and an undercurrent of something more.

It was in the way his features softened and his body unwinded, in that you could almost feel the stress leaving his shoulders. That when he looked at you, even for half a second, that’s all he was seeing.

And there you were, falling for those eyes that held such a gentle power and the capability to tug at your heart.

A shy smile appeared at the corner of your mouth and you fixed your eyes on Ellie as you patted her back on the way out, but she stopped and faced Tommy.

"Oh, and–uh, I'm sorry about earlier."

He waved it off, "Seth's a dick. Honestly, I was kinda hoping you would've punched hi-"

His words were cut off by your hand smacking him in the chest, making him wheeze and causing Ellie to laugh. And although you couldn't see it, Joel's lips curled up ever so slightly. You ushered her out the door and wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulder, pulling her close to embrace the cold once again, but this time with Joel following behind– his small smile unwavering on the walk home.

You’d given them privacy to talk about everything in the solitude of Ellie’s space, bidding them a hopeful nod before retreating inside, surely convinced that your ass had been frozen off.

In going to your room to change, you stopped in the doorway of Joel’s room, lingering although you had no real reason to.

You’d walked by it thousands of times, it wasn’t anything new. You lived together, for god's sake, of course you knew what it looked like. You knew he had a woodwork studio in the corner of his room where he’d get lost for hours if he didn’t have anything else to do. He had a designated reading chair in a nook by the double windows with an absurdly large wooden plaque carved into the unmistakable shape of Texas hung above it. He displayed several finished guitar products next to his large collection of vinyls and a turntable, which you’d teased him plenty of times for his certified-old-man taste in music, though secretly you liked but would never give him the satisfaction of knowing.

But it felt different without him actually being in it.

With the door open and the hallway light casting your shadow inwards, it was like an invitation. You stood in contemplation, then silently padded forward with light and reverent steps.

Although the main source of light being the moon peeking through the windows, you could still see that everything was well-kept and organized, not that you expected anything else.

Dust and wood shavings collected on the pads of your fingers as they glided across the surface of his workbench, brushing them off with a flick of your thumb. He’d never expressed any interest in this particular hobby back in Boston, and you wondered if it had been something repressed from a previous life or if he picked it up once you officially moved to Jackson for good. Either way, there was something about it that made you feel soft; seeing how each animal sculpture was brought to life through his passion and skill, each one intricately crafted and painted with a love and dedication.

With the utmost care, you reached out and traced the smooth curves of his latest sculpture, a cowboy astride a bucking horse. You grinned as you noticed books and torn-out pages taped to the window that served as his references, finding it ridiculously cute with how serious he took the craft. Around the bench were other works too, mainly hollowed guitar frames and necks that were begging to be assembled, strung, and played.

Pivoting on your heel, you moved on to his records. Your fingers danced through them, testing your ability to name each artist and album without having to look for it.

Ultimate Waylon Jennings.. Vitalogy by Pearl Jam.. Boston.. and– what’s this?

A polaroid stuck out from its spot nestled in the sleeve of a Todd Rundgren album. You furrowed your eyebrows in a mix of curiosity and surprise, tugging it out halfway before stopping–

Don’t. You’re already supposed to not be in here. Leave it.

With a quick glance, you noticed a figure sitting on a chair from the knees down, which was undeniably Joel from the boots, but everything else in the frame wasn’t familiar to you. Your finger pinched the film frame with words written on it.

cause’ i saw the light

in your eyes

You pushed the photo back into its rightful place while simultaneously pushing the simple yet clearly adoring words to the farthest corner of your brain.

Why was that written? Did he write it or did someone else? Oh, God. Is there someone? Was there someone? What if-

You sighed deeply as if to reset your brain from your runaway train of thoughts and slight jealousy. That’s what you get for being nosy; hurt feelings.

As you turned to leave, a glare reflecting off his dresser caught your eye, compelling you to do a double-take and draw you closer. The moonlight had bounced off two picture frames that depicted two precious moments.

The first showed a part of Joel’s life that had been taken from him without warning. It was of him and Sarah at one of her soccer games, where she proudly showcased an award in her hand and a beaming smile on her face. Joel’s arm was thrown around her shoulder, sharing an equally big smile. He looked so young. Happy. Proud. You recognized the watch on his wrist– the same one he wore now, but with a shattered face. A feeling of sorrow panged in your chest at the bittersweet reminder of the daughter he had lost.

The second had been captured by you. It had been him and a young Ellie at the stables during your early days in Jackson. They stood side by side, admiring one of the horses. Ellie held her hand out as if to wait for the horse’s trust to be touched by her, while Joel watched with relaxed expression. He looked older, but in a sense of maturity. His features were more rugged, and his hair laced with definitive grays, but he still looked happy. At peace, even.

Both acted as a juxtaposition, a duality of his existence– a love that had been taken away, and a love that remained. But more than that, they served as evidence of his capacity to love, something he feared to do for a long time, and that his role of being a father rose above all else.

With the back of your knuckle, you gently brushed each frame, whispering your respects for the little soul who went too soon, assuring her that not a day went by that she wasn’t being remembered by him.

In your room, you changed into a thermal and sweatpants, one of your most trusted combinations during the colder months, and relished in how the baggy clothes gave you warmth. Your gaze drifted towards the window as a subtle curiosity tugged at your thoughts, overlooking the converted garage where Joel and Ellie had been. Leaning against the windowpane, you could make out silhouettes of their bodies from the warm glow emanating within.

You let out a soft sigh as you watched, wondering how things were going down there. Had she taken points from your own emotional session into theirs, or had she chosen a different route to go down with him? Did he speak more of his thoughts, or listen intently as she voiced hers? Lost in the endless questions, you turned away to embrace the quiet solitude of your room.

From where you were, all you could do was hope for the best.

The first rays of dawn painted the kitchen with a soft, golden hue and melted away at the frost on the windows.

You had a love-hate relationship with waking up early. After so long, your body no longer possessed the ability to sleep in anymore. Sure, it was nice to have a head-start to the day, but sometimes you really just wanted to wrap up in bed and force yourself to steal a couple more hours of rest.

On the bright side, though, most mornings gave you time with Joel, who you expected to join you any minute now.

You set two kettles on the stovetop; one for your tea and the other for Joel’s coffee. Normally, you’d just make a pot for the both of you.

A tin box of jasmine tea had been dropped at your doorstep with a note from Lottie, one of the leaders in charge of the farming and agriculture in Jackson, about a month and a half ago after you insisted on taking care of the livestock after her husband, Pat, threw his back out.

You welcomed the warmth of the steam from the boiling water as you poured it into your mug, bobbing the teabag and stirring every few minutes. In waiting for it to steep and cool, you finished brewing the coffee, filling up the dripper and watching drops fall into the glass carafe in steady intervals.

As if on cue, Joel sauntered into the kitchen in sweatpants and a t-shirt, his hair sticking up in funny places. He did his usual morning grunt to you before bee-lining to the cabinets to retrieve his mug.

“Well, good morning to you, too.” You mused as you sipped on your tea.

He mimicked you as he leaned back against the counter with the treasure in his hand, the island being the only thing to separate you both. You watched as he closed his eyes after the first sip, clearly taking in the respite it offered him.

You tapped your fingers against your mug as your curiosity about last night began to permeate your thoughts. Was it too early to ask? What if things had gone terribly? But what if things had gone well?

“So-”

“So-”

You both paused and chuckled. Joel gestured with his free hand for you to continue. Your voice was soft and careful, wanting to tread lightly on the subject. “How’d it go last night?”

His eyes glanced down at the counter of the island before shifting to the window, silent in contemplation.

“Better than I could’ve hoped for.” The relief in his voice palpable.

You know the kind of smile where your lips don’t necessarily curl up all the way, but you can tell it’s genuine and real by the way you feel it in your ears?

Yeah. That’s what you had going on.

“She wants to start patrolling with me.” He paused to drink, “Said it’d be a good way to spend time together.”

“Ouch. I don’t know how Tommy’ll take you kicking him to the curb like that.” He let out a low chuckle and shook his head. He cut his sip short and perked up, “Well, I suppose she can go with you on your weeks, and I’ll take her when you’re not?”

You raised a brow. “Oh? Is she a child of divorce?"

He threw his head back in laughter, and you hid your delight behind your mug. Even though he eased up a bit in the past couple of years, it was still like hitting the lottery to get him to crack up.

The sun shone on him in a way that defined the contours of his jaw and smile, and in your head, you cursed him for being so goddamn handsome. His stupid fucking peppered hair that contributed to the fact he was aging like fine wine. His perfect, straight nose with a forever scar on the bridge between his dumb hazel eyes that spoke more volumes than any word ever could. The way the sleeves on his shirts always looked like they were fighting for their life around his shoulders and biceps. And that voice. That tragically velvet, cowboy, southern drawl that could make you–

“What?”

You blinked dumbly at Joel, who had a teasing smirk on his face.

“Wh- Nothing!” Your pitch higher than normal, a clear indication that it indeed was not nothing. He simply hiked an eyebrow. “What? I’m just glad everything worked out the way it was supposed to, okay?”

He mhm-ed as he set his coffee down on the island counter and turned to rummage through the cabinets behind him. With his back to you, you rolled your eyes and dragged a hand down your face, mouthing obscenities to yourself for so obviously ogling at him. You regained your composure as he faced back to you.

“C’mere.”

It was almost embarrassing how easily your cheeks flared with heat.

At his side, you noticed the new presence of a spoon and amber jar. You watched as he poured the thick liquid onto the spoon and became perturbed as he stirred it into your tea, “Joel, what are y-”

He raised his fingers up, simpering at you, and tapped the spoon on the rim twice. “Just- trust me.”

He leaned back and watched as you took a sip of your drink with the new addition, taking pride in his act when your hand flew over your mouth and your eyes widened in a mixture of shock and surprise.

“I’m sorry, did you become a tea connoisseur in your free time?” He rolled his eyes behind his mug, but still clearly pleased with himself in winning you over with the gesture. “But seriously, how’d you know I was gonna like it?”

He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly, “I didn’t.”

You almost would’ve believed him if it weren’t for the upside-down smile that told you the opposite. But before you could question him, he brushed past you to put his mug in the sink. “I’ve gotta go meet Tommy,” he called over his shoulder, “talk about puttin’ Ellie on patrol.”

You leaned forward on the counter, still nursing your cup with both hands. “Give him my condolences.”

You bit your lip as Joel shot you an unamused look. In looking away to stop yourself from laughing, your eyes landed on the amber jar again. A small white label wrapped around it with the words ‘tupelo honey’ written in elegant cursive.

Your smile fell as you read and processed the words. Tupelo honey.. Tupelo honey.. Tu– Oh my god.

In a probably dramatic sequence, your hands abandoned your tea in a way that it loudly clanked against the counter and picked up the jar, rubbing your thumb over the glass again and again as memories flooded.

Mom’s favorite.

Growing up, every spring your mother would bring home enough tupelo honey to last right up until the next harvest season, often emphasizing the fact that it was only made in two places out of the entire country, and how lucky you were to live so close to those areas to be blessed with such a delicacy. Back then, you didn’t understand why she loved it so much, but because she did, you did too.

And how you wished to be thirteen again to listen to her tell you those things like she was telling you for the first time.

You frowned in disappointment with yourself. At one point in your life, the smell and taste was something you could detect in an instant, but now you barely recognized it.

But how in the hell did he get this?

An empathetic hand placed itself on your back, grounding you from your thoughts. You craned your head up at him, too distracted by your own emotions to realize how close you were. You searched his eyes for something without even knowing what you were looking for. His hand grazed down to your lower back, his fingers lingering before pulling away completely and whispering to you in what felt like a promise.

“I’ll see you later.”

You watched as he disappeared around the corner, and your gaze was drawn back to the jar in your hands.

And there it was again, the weight of unspoken affection in small acts and intrusions of personal space that were reserved only for each other.

Friday. Thank God.

As the morning light painted the sky in soft hues, you opted to savor your coffee on the front porch with your feet kicked up on the deck railing, basking in the quiet before the day's festivities consumed the town.

The early hour granted you respite from the scorching sun, sparing you the discomfort of the sweltering heat that would undoubtedly arrive later. Dressed in a small tank top and shorts, you relished the cool breeze that gently brushed against your skin. Tilting your head back, you closed your eyes, allowing the sounds of chirping birds to serenade you and the warm rays envelop you in a soothing embrace.

You thought back to last night with Ellie, how much fun you had with her even though you passed out before the movie was even over. It was the perfect start to your two days of rest, and it prompted you to commit a rare act of self-care by pushing off your new workload until the new week started.

You always did something on your days off for Jackson, whether it was doing a few favors for neighbors or finding yourself in Maria’s office all day. Nothing ever to give yourself the time you deserved.

And maybe it was selfish– irresponsible, even– but you needed a real break, and when would you get that if not today? Tonight promised laughter, music, and camaraderie. All your problems and issues would still be there tomorrow anyway.

"Put some clothes on, would you?" You jerked your head forward to meet Tommy walking up with a grin on his face. You rolled your eyes.

"I'll put on more clothes when you shave off that disaster you call a mustache."

He put his hand over his chest that shook with laughter and took the vacant seat next to you. When you offered him coffee, he politely declined, chuckling when you insisted that you could add whiskey to it for him. "I actually came to ask a favor."

He watched as you peered down at the imaginary watch on your wrist before giving him a skeptical look. “Tommy, if you’re asking me to work, the answer is-”

“No! God, no.” You let out a thank fuck under your breath. “It’s for tonight.”

You raised your eyebrows as you drew a sip from your coffee. For tonight? He took your silence as a cue to continue.

"Joel tells me that you've got quite the music collection. I was wonderin' if I could borrow a couple of your tapes or CDs or whatever y'got?"

You thought about it for half a second, but pretended to be in deep contemplation. He grew antsy, attempting to seriously reason with you, and when you couldn't hold it together any longer, you hid your grin behind your mug as you watched him realize that you were fucking with him. You got up from your seat and signaled for him to follow you inside as you grabbed cassettes for his cause.

Joel had been in the kitchen pouring himself a cup from the pot you had already brewed. You peered around the corner to set your mug on the counter, flashing him a bright smile before quickly scurrying off, catching a glimpse of how his face dropped from a smile to confusion upon hearing more footsteps in the house. You giggled once you heard his groan, followed by 'Jesus, don't you know what time it is?'

You picked through your pile, grabbing tapes that you were certain would be winners. Once content with your selection, you brought them back to Tommy in the kitchen. His eyes and smile widened at the handful, carefully taking them into his possession. Joel, still clearly waking up, watched the interaction with a dull curiosity over the rim of his mug, flickering his gaze from you, to the cassettes, and lastly Tommy.

Your eyes lingered on the tapes, a small smile brought to your face at the pure nostalgia they held. You knew each track on each tape, word for word. You remembered when you heard them for the first time, what life had felt like, and when you found yourself listening to them the most. Normally, you'd feel hesitant to lend out your most prized possessions. They’d been with you ever since before outbreak day, and the one constant you had since the beginning that got you through your toughest times. But this was Tommy, and you didn’t have to think twice about whether or not you could trust him.

"Wait, I almost forgot!" You snapped out of your thinking to go and retrieve another part from your pile. You handed him a small deck of index cards binded together with twine in what was your own way of personally cataloging. "It's already in order, by cassette and song title, so you can figure out if there's something you don't wanna play.. or whatever you got planned." You lazily gestured.

The brothers exchanged a look before turning their attention to the cards. Joel set his coffee down and took the thin stack from Tommy, reading over it together as they glanced back and forth between the cardstock and the tapes. The corner of his mouth curled up as he skimmed over the songs, making it impossible for you not to smile either. You sheepishly looked down while rolling your feet from heel to toe with your hands behind your back, feeling like a kid showing their parents a piece of art they made at school.

"Had the world not gone to shit, you could’ve been a mean music curator.” Joel waved the cards between his thumb and forefinger, a suppressed laugh leaving your lips.

“Yeah.. damn, these bring back some good memories. Buncha’ old ones on here, some even way before our time.” Tommy motioned between himself and Joel.

The small smile on Joel’s face grew bigger, his face becoming more lively at a realization. “Y’know, ‘lotta these were popular bar songs. You were just shy of eighteen back then, weren’t you?”

Tommy quickly caught on to Joel’s train of thought, matching his grin. You stared at him with a subtle smirk, knowing that he knew he was right, and only asked to make it a point that he knew that. And in a way, you found it kind of.. hot? He was keenly aware of your timeline and able to make the connections that no one else really could. He didn’t have to do the mental math like Tommy probably was after he said it. You felt a surge of heat in your cheeks and on the tip of your ears as their gaze on you persisted, waiting for you to answer.

“.. I may or may not have snuck into them..”

Their voices overlapped with elation, to which you stuck up a middle finger for each Miller.

“Sounds like you were living on the edge,” Tommy peered down at Joel’s hand, “..of seventeen.”

Before you could open your mouth to scold Tommy for popping the corniest joke in all of the apocalypse, he and Joel fell into their own fit of laughter, bumping shoulders and elbowing one another. So proud and smug of their joint-effort to expose your rebellious years. But you found yourself grinning, not at the joke, but at them.

You shook your head, letting out a mix of a laugh and sigh, “Alright, you boys had your fun. Now Joel, why don’t you do your big brother duties and show Tommy the way out?”

He raised a brow at you, bringing his mug to his lips, “Must I remind you that it was you that brought him in here, not me?”

Tommy raised his hands up in defense as you glared at Joel, “Alright- I’ll see myself out.” He winked at you as he walked past, “Give you a break before ya’ gotta deal with me tonight.”

You and Joel walked him to the door, exchanging goodbyes until later this evening. Just before stepping out, Tommy suddenly turned over his shoulder to you. "Oh! Before I forget– Are you seein’ anybody?”

You froze at his question, your smile slacked and your eyes widened. The residual feeling of laughter in your chest subsided quickly as if it never existed in the first place. He held up his left hand, “Not for me, obviously.”

You rolled your eyes, then narrowing them at him. “Yeah, no shit. What, are you playing matchmaker for me?”

“Not for you, someone else.” A shit-eating grin appeared on his face. “So, are you?”

The short answer was no. You were too busy with leading your life in Jackson.. And being hopelessly in love with his brother.

“Uh– no. I’m not.”

Joel's gaze shifted towards you, your words evoking enough of a reaction out of him, to which Tommy caught and raised an eyebrow with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. They bounced between you and Joel as if he had caught a whiff of the unspoken agreement you two held. You felt your cheeks go hot again, knowing that your words hadn't gone unnoticed by either of them.

He bid a final farewell with an unconvincing nod that left you both standing in the foyer quietly, which was luckily cut short by Ellie coming through the back door, giving you both the perfect excuse to forget all about.. whatever that was.

She rubbed away the sleep in her eyes, murmuring a good morning to you and Joel as she made her way into the kitchen, both of you treading in after her. You inquired about the basics. How'd you sleep? Want me to make you something for breakfast? Do you want orange juice? What are your plans for the day? Joel watched as you engaged in conversation, admiration and warmth flaring in his chest as you seamlessly transitioned into your role as a caretaker.

You were receptive when she shared her plans for the day, further inquiring about smaller details of her schedule. He watched as Ellie became more animated the more she got to talk about her day ahead, especially as you encouraged her.

"What about you guys? Don't you both have off today?" Ellie faced in her chair so that she could clearly see you both.

You exchanged a glance with Joel before you both shrugged your shoulders. You hadn't realized that he had the day off as well, if you were being completely honest. As you thought about it, it occured to you that you hadn't gotten to figure that part out, since Tommy and all. When you confessed that you hadn’t planned anything for the day, Ellie’s eyes squinted in deep thought for a moment, then looked back at you both, “Why don’t you guys do something together?

You straightened up at her proposal, mildly thrown off, sharing another look with Joel before you both attempted to give a series of excuses, which just came out in a mess of jumbled, almost incoherent words.

“Oh, come on! You guys almost never do anything together.”

You folded your arms in defiance, but it came off more as a pout. “Yes, we do.”

“Sitting at home together doesn’t count.” You opened your mouth to disagree, but nothing came out. “Go out! Have a date or something.”

You nearly choked on your coffee as Joel sighed, speaking with caution, “Ellie–”

“Anyways! I’m off to Dina’s for the day.” She beamed and laughed in victory as she watched you two writhe in place. You could hear the smile in her voice as she left out the back door, “You kids have fun tonight, and make good decisions!”

God– first Tommy, now her. It couldn’t have been past nine yet.

You hand cradled your elbow, the other hand covering your eyes as your thumb and middle finger kneaded at your temples. Okay, maybe she was right. Maybe you and Joel didn’t spend proper ‘quality time’ together, but it just wasn’t something that either one of you were accustomed to. Before Jackson, the most you were able to be alone outside of your apartments were during smuggle runs, which was definitely not the type of recreational activity that she was referring to, and once you picked her up and finally settled here, your lives were centered around her and your respective jobs for the community.

Joel crossed his arms and leaned in the doorway that bordered the dining room, staring at the back door and then subsequently at you. You hadn’t noticed him looking, still hiding behind your hand to mask your embarrassment, and saw how his eyes raked over your figure, taking in how little clothes you were wearing. The black tank top was a deep cut halter that exposed your arms, chest, and just the littlest bit of midriff. Your shorts matched in color, the fabric just hovering over the higher part of your thighs with slits up the sides.

It was a good thing for him that you had your eyes covered. You weren’t able to see how his tongue poked over his bottom lip and his eyes that were drawn to your cleavage that was accentuated by your arms drawn together. Even with your fair share of scars, your skin looked so perfect and soft under the glow of sunlight through the window, so much that he could barely keep himself back from touching you, wanting to trace the contours of your arms with his fingers and hold your face in his palms again.

His heart thumped in his chest as he wondered what it would feel like to rub your legs against his under bed sheets. How it would feel to press his fingertips into the soft flesh of your hips–

“Joel?”

His head jerked up slightly as his eyes darted to yours. “What?”

Irked, you threw your hand away from your face in an exasperated manner, “Do you wanna come?

He stared dumbly at you, stuttering, “Do I- w-what?”

“To Lake Falwich! Weren’t you listening?” You threw him an incredulous look as he shook his head to himself, apparent to you that he in fact hadn’t listened to a damn word you said.

Lake Falwich was located off of Elk Creek, an area you and Joel switched off on patrolling. You’d found the place when you went off-path during your first summer patrol, deeming it as another little hidden gem of Jackson County. Over the years, you grew fond of it and made it a point to frequent it whenever beyond the walls, but you hadn’t been yet this season.

“Uh, yeah– Yes– Sure.”

You didn’t know what had gotten into him in the last few minutes, but you couldn’t deny that you enjoyed seeing him all flustered and not being able to keep eye contact with you. How the tables turned for once.

“I’ll be ready to head out in ten.” You began to head towards the stairs for your room, but stopped at his side and placed your hand on his shoulder, curling your fingers over the muscle, “Don’t keep me waiting.”

A grin adorned your face as you walked away, leaving Joel to hang onto the sensation that burned his skin where you touched him and force himself to calm down from the excitement growing in his pants. He hadn’t really known what he’d just gotten himself into with you, and you were pleasantly surprised at his answer as you half-expected him to come up with some reason to not go.

But one thing was clear to you both: It was definitely not a date.

Your hands draped near the straps of his pack by his hips as you rode out, brushing against his belt and jeans every so often. It wasn’t a difficult route by any means; fairly smooth and clear of any obstructions.

Being the passenger gave you the opportunity to be immersed by your surroundings rather than having to focus in front of you. You got to pay attention to the small things, like the rhythmic beat of the horse’s hooves against the ground and the scent of pine mingled with the earthy aroma of the forest. The trees towered above you, their branches forming a natural canopy that filtered the sunlight, casting dappled shadows on the trail. Every so often, the trees would give way to open meadows, where wildflowers swayed in the gentle breeze.

When you weren’t being captivated by nature, your attention was drawn back to Joel. The heat had caused his hair to curl at the nape of his neck that was slicked with sweat, seeping into the collar of his dark gray shirt that stretched across his shoulders and back with more splotches of sweat. Now and then, you’d get a glimpse of his profile when he scouted around. You felt like a teenager getting to hang out with her crush that she’d had since elementary school, your stomach doing flips just from the proximity alone.

The ride itself was filled with comfortable silence, punctuated by moments of look there and did you see that? with every passing mile. You could get used to this– having these little outings together.

You could hear the rushing water before you could see it, the sound of it growing louder and louder until it finally came into view. When the landscape presented itself before you, you felt a child-like thrill growing in your chest. The clear water shimmered with a vivid turquoise hue that seemed almost unreal, partnered with tall limestone walls that framed the lake. Smaller stone structures and boulders formed near the base of the waterfall, enticing you to explore and conquer their heights again like you’d done in the past. The vegetation extended all around the area, mosses and ferns clung to the rock walls in a tapestry of greenery. It all gave you a sense of simultaneous exhilaration and peace.

Eager to get to the water, you dismounted from the horse before Joel could hitch it, causing him to call out after you in protest and watch you with a careful eye as he got everything situated. You stood at the mouth of the lake with your boots kicked off when he joined you, slowly following suit.

“So.. What do you wanna do now?”

With the heat, there was only one thing to do.

“Jump in.” You pointed to a ledge that was a considerable height up. “From there.”

He met where your finger signaled, then back to you with a quizzical look. “Don’t you reckon that’s a bit high?”

You shrugged your shoulders and threw a smile over your shoulder as you walked away from him, earning a scoff and one of his typical disapproving head shakes. His eyes stayed on you as you made your way, widening when you started to peel off your clothes piece by piece.

First off was your tank top, slipping it effortlessly over your head, then the undoing of your belt and shimmying out of your jeans. You’d stripped down to only a sports bra and underwear, both of which happened to match, which was very much unplanned. Through each removal of clothing, Joel couldn’t help but have his eyes glued to you. He became restless, running his hands through his hair and turning around just to face back to you because he simply couldn’t keep his eyes off you. And when you looked back at him, you felt a little boost of confidence in seeing how he kept his attention on you.

You ascended the rocks, reaching your desired spot and standing proudly, waving your arms above your head at a miffed Joel. The air was filled with a refreshing mist, carrying the fragrance of damp earth and the invigorating energy of the cascading waterfall. The lake below you offered a new perspective on how high you really were, and for a second, you considered that Joel was maybe right.

But fuck it.

Your legs propelled you forward, curling up as you plummeted, and your shouts of joy drowned out by the thunderous roar of the falls. The water engulfed you, prickling your body with its cold touch. Submerged beneath the surface, you held onto the sensation of being weightless, listening to nothing but the ebb and flow of the currents and feeling them weave through your fingertips.

You emerged from the depths to the sun’s warmth on your face. When you refocused your vision, you saw that Joel was standing in the same spot as before, now with his arms crossed against his chest. You swam closer to the shoreline.

“Come on, water’s fine!” He shook his head. “It wasn’t a question, now get your ass in here, Miller!”

He rolled his eyes and huffed, shaking his head once more before pulling off his shirt by the collar and tossing it aside with his boots and pack, and despite being in the freezing water, you flooded with heat at the sight of him. You’d only seen him in small increments when tending his wounds, but now you could finally know what he looked like underneath those damned clothes.

Just as you suspected, his shoulders were strong with muscle, and the prominent veins in his hands and forearms traveled upwards through his biceps. His chest and abdomen were toned and had an even layer of hair, and you basically drooled at the definition of his hips and the trail of hair leading down that was secured by a belt. Beyond his attractive features, though, you saw his scars of survival. His torso littered with healed lesions, many of which you cared for, and a significant mark near his side that reflected the time of his near-death.

“Don’t splash me now, alright?” He stifled a laugh as he undid his belt, which took all your self-control to not watch his hands and think ungodly things. Once he stripped down to his boxer briefs, he stepped further into the lake, wincing at the coldness as he got deeper. When the water reached his thighs, he sucked in a sharp breath and hissed, “Shit- That’s cold.”

You were too busy gaping at how muscles tensed and contorted to make a stupid remark. He delved deeper into the lake until he fully submerged himself, surfacing quickly and shaking out his hair, which was doing things for you. In all the years you spent with him, you didn’t think that he could possibly get more attractive, nor did you think that you’d ever be like this right now, yet here you were.

In what was supposed to be a little fun getaway from all the stresses of the world, you found yourself seriously lusting for him in this moment, which was a stress all on its own. You were alone in a very much secluded area, only an article of clothing or two away from being naked, moreover. The very thought sent you over the edge, making you physically ache where you wanted him the most. How easy it’d be to just close the distance and get lost in him for hours.

The fact that you couldn’t do that, though, pained you viscerally. You couldn’t keep looking at him, or else you’d do something stupid, so you closed your eyes and spread your limbs out to drift on your back. You focused on your breathing, honing in on how your body bobbed with each inhale and exhale and letting the water guide you in any direction.

The next few hours were spent floating, challenging Joel to swimming races, and jumping off the rocks to see who could make the bigger splashes. You found yourselves in lots of banter and bickering, especially when you did a flip off of a ledge and Joel was very displeased that you could’ve hit your head. All you could feel was pure, unadulterated happiness. Together, you were having fun. Real fun. Enjoying each other’s company and nature’s playground.

A while after you returned to drifting on your backside, an unfamiliar sensation across your back and thighs caused you to flail and frantically look around. Sheer panic rose as you realized that you’d drifted off into the deeper end, and you tried to calmly but quickly thrust yourself back into shallow waters.

“Somethin’ got you scared?” Joel had been awfully calm with an arrogant grin on his face, and his laughter rung out clear in the air as he watched you go through the motions of panic, confusion, and finally disdain.

You feigned indignation. “Don’t be a dick.”

Once your feet touched the solid floor, you waded and found a spot to sit in the safety of the shallows, pulling your knees up and resting your arms on them. As Joel drew in to join you, you watched as the water lapped at his waist, drawing your attention to the band of his boxer briefs that seemed to hang dangerously low on his hips and how they clung to him in a way that’d have all the women in Jackson ready on their knees for him. His body swayed with a subtle rhythm and cadence that was uniquely his; full of purpose and so.. virile. You averted your gaze to the sediment of where you sat in an attempt to rid yourself of the thoughts you were having.

The clearness allowed you to examine its composition of pebbles and rocks of all kinds, and you picked up handfuls of them to admire their different qualities, quickly getting wrapped up in recognizing unique patterns and markings. Joel watched as you threw the ones you didn’t like further into the lake, like it was a process of elimination until you found the best one.

When you liked one, you wordlessly handed it to him without taking your attention away from the ones in front of you. There was a serene grace in your actions, as if you were entrusting him with something fragile and precious, and he took notice of the care in which you handled each stone. He’d give it a once over, his fingers gliding over the surface, before dropping it back into your hand. There was something about you doing this, yielding to human nature’s innocent curiosity, that made it so much more than just a seemingly mundane exchange to him.

Your eyes met his briefly, and you saw he was truly relaxed from how the hard lines of his face were softened. The sun shone on him in where you could really see the depths of his eyes; the green-gold that seeped into a lighter brown around his pupil, creating the most beautiful iris structure you’d ever seen. His skin held a perpetual tan with freckles all over his shoulders, a feature that you weren’t necessarily familiar with. Waves and curls formed near his ears and forehead as his hair dried, most of it disheveled and left you wanting to run your fingers through to tame it. Your eyes drifted to his body for a moment, overly cognizant of how much bigger he was compared to you. With a tinge of a smile, you turned back to your little stones, gently placing them back in the water in a decision to leave them where they belonged.

“As much as I’ve enjoyed this,” Joel’s voice filled the silence, “we should get goin’ soon. Promised Tommy I’d swing by to help set up a couple things.”

You hummed in acknowledgment. If there was one thing about Joel, it was that he always showed up for Tommy, no matter how big or small it was. Even if it was a five-minute task or a project that Tommy was entirely capable of doing on his own, Joel was always there. You had that in common with him, back when you had your brother.

As you were about to stand, Joel hovered over you with an extended hand. You clasped it with your own as you gained your balance, but when doing so, your eyes caught a glimpse of something slithering right under your feet. You yelped at the sight, tightening your grip around his hand, and he instinctively pulled you to him, wrapping a protective arm around your waist while acting as a shield between you and the potential danger. He scanned the water, catching on to what you saw: a plains garter snake.

At the sound of his chuckle, you braced yourself against his chest in confusion as his arms were still around you. “What’s so funny?”

“It’s not-” he loosened his hold, but his hands still splayed over your waist. “It’s harmless, nothin’ to worry about.”

“Oh.” You bowed your head forward in relief and slight embarrassment, and a faint smile played at his lips. Your hands were still on each other, almost as if you were trying to play it out as long as possible until either you pulled away or he did, which winded up being the former. You drew back to yourself, stepping backwards as he released you. “Thanks.”

You both retrieved your belongings and set up on a flat bed of rock to dry out, another comfortable silence enveloping you once again as you bathed in the warmth. With your arm slung over your eyes, you could only sense Joel’s presence beside you. You slid your arm up to peer at him, his eyes fixed on the lake. His legs were drawn towards his chest with his forearms on his knees, his chest rising and falling in calm breaths. There was a peacefulness in his expression, a sense of contentment that mirrored your own. You smiled before covering up again, but he caught you at the last second.

“What’re you thinkin’ about over there?”

You brushed off his question. “Who says I’m thinking?”

“If there’s one thing about you, it’s that you’re never not thinkin’.” You sat up at the accusatory words, arching your eyebrows in disbelief. “Go on now, don’t keep me in suspense.”

“I..” a grin spread on your face, “..was thinking about how much fun your shift must’ve been with Fitz yesterday.”

You giggled as he let out a groan, successfully diverting away from where the conversation was leading. “Oh, it was a fuckin’ shift alright– and I don’t wanna talk too much about work, but he shouldn’t be bothering you anymore.”

You faced him and leaned back on your hand, eyeing him, “Joel, what did you-”

“I took care of it.” He left no room for you to speak, his voice stern. He softened a moment after once he realized how it came out a little too sharp. He lowered his attention down to his hands, rubbing his thumb into his palm, “..Not s’pose to treat a woman the way he does, especially when it’s you.”

A moment came and went in where it looked like he regretted his words, fearing that he may have revealed too much, or maybe not enough. But what you felt was incomparable to anything you’d ever felt before, hearing him tell you– blatantly admit to you that he regarded you differently than other people, and that if someone crossed you, they were crossing him too. You always knew he had your six, but this was different than that.

“Why didn’t you tell me he was doin’ that? Or Tommy?”

Those dumb, beautiful eyes conveyed a genuine concern that immediately made you feel guilty for not saying something sooner when you very well could’ve. At the same time, you didn’t want to fuss or make a big deal out of it. It was better that it was you than someone else, like Joel. So you tolerated it, because you were still able to do your job even with an annoying fucking twat as your partner.

“I never took him seriously. I thought he’d just stop if I ignored it enough, but.. clearly not.” You gave a half-suppressed laugh, knowing how ridiculous and naive it sounded out loud. He sighed at your answer, making you fidget, “I know! I know. You’re right– it was stupid of me-”

“Sweetheart–” his hand on your leg and delicious southern drawl shut you right up, “nothin’ stupid about you tryin’ to keep the peace. Just.. let me know next time, okay?”

All you could do was nod, dumbfounded by this new, open protectiveness towards you. He knew better than anyone else how you could handle yourself, but he still couldn’t help but feel that it was his job to keep you safe and be your advocate when you weren’t your own.

Without another word, he rose and offered you a hand up, indicating that enough time had passed and you should get going if you were going to be on time for the party. You accepted the gesture again, but he held your hand longer this time as he guided you down the rocks so that you wouldn’t trip, a chivalrous act that also gave an excuse to linger on your skin.

A hot shower was what you needed to scrub the freshwater off your skin and out of your hair, also to give you some much needed relief from having to control yourself the whole time you were with him, but of course you did that after he left since you shared his bathroom.

The sun dipped lower in the sky, casting a golden glow over Jackson. The vibrant energy of the evening pulsed through the town, the streets alive with people as they made their way to the most popular establishment, laughter and music floating through the air. You’d gone through about four outfits before ultimately deciding on a ribbed henley tank, jeans, and sneakers

Just before running out the door, you checked yourself in the mirror to smooth any stray hairs away from your face. With a smile, you stepped out, falling in with your neighbors who’d been on their way over as well, engaging in conversation on the short walk there. There’d been a crowd gathered outside the Tipsy Bison, people mingling and sharing stories, some already on their second round of drinks.

Through the doors you were immediately greeted by a wave of warmth and liveliness. Your eyes danced around the bar, jumping from full booths and high tables, to the large alcohol selection behind the counter guarded by about three barkeeps if you were counting right. The air was filled with a thousand different scents, ranging from beer and cigarettes to perfume and aftershave. And lastly, the sounds which brought it all together, the clinking of glasses and hum of conversation, and of course, music. Your music that people were enjoying.

Searching the crowd, you spotted familiar faces and friends scattered throughout the place, engrossed in their own circles, but the one person you actively sought out was nowhere in sight. Your efforts slowed as you heard a picking of chords grow louder over the speakers, causing a wild smile to grow on your face.

♫

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone Turned on some music to start my day I lost myself in a familiar song

♫

“I closed my eyes and I slipped awaaay!” Tommy appeared at your side two shots in one hand and unopened beers between his fingers in the other, slinging the arm around your shoulder as he pushed the small glass into your hands.

Without hesitation, you threw the shot back with him, feeling the instant burn go down your throat. You both popped off the beer caps off a nearby counter, a party trick you’d gotten quite good at over the years, before rushing over to the middle of the floor to join the rest of the party and sing your hearts out to your first song of the night. You could barely hear yourself over the speakers and fellow singers, saving you from the embarrassment from being incredibly off-key. Your body reacted instantly to the music, finding the rhythm and constantly moving in accordance. That was the other thing about music, you felt most comfortable in your skin when you listened and danced to it, being able to fall in with whatever played. In between the verses, you hurried over to the bar to grab more shots and beers, slamming doubles back before pulling each other back to the floor.

You and Tommy locked arms and pressed back to back while holding up your bottles in a toast-fashion, switching off during the last chorus and refrain and holding out the longer notes.

♫

It’s more than a feeling (More than a feeling!)

When I hear that old song they used to play (More than a feeling!)

I begin dreaming (More than a feeling!) ...

♫

The alcohol was slowly but surely taking over, a key indicator being the warm, fuzzy buzzing that flourished throughout your body. You clung to Tommy’s shoulder and leaned towards his ear during a break between songs, “Tommy, this is way better than I thought it was gonna be!”

He looked at you with wide eyes and a grin, “I know right! Joel really helped pull it together before we opened the doors!”

You smiled at the compliment towards his brother, then furrowing your brows. “Where is he, anyway?”

You both looked around for a moment before Tommy steered you off to the side, yelling that it was too hard to see from the middle, and your efforts were put on pause again as you winded up near a large group of patrolmen that grabbed Tommy’s attention. He dragged you with him to socialize, though you mainly watched from the outskirts of the circle, smiling and nodding along where the conversations went as you didn’t have much to say or add.

When you went to drink from your bottle, you noticed the lightness of it and realized that you needed another, giving you the perfect excuse to slip away and look for him. You checked over your shoulders as you squeezed your way through to the bar to request your next drink, and it didn’t help that the room was dimly lit and was accompanied by flashing strobes.

The barkeep slid you a bottle across the counter and you swiftly popped it off, taking a swig before turning around right into somebody. An apology flew out of your mouth before you could even see who it was, their voice catching your attention and making you look at them.

“Hey, no worries! Both still got our drinks, yeah?”

Samson flashed you a grin, his hand light on your arm but enough to keep you steady. You raised your beer to him, his eyes flickered between it and you before raising his own and tapping the neck of your bottles together. You both took another swig.

As you got into conversation, you moved away from the bar towards the wall where there wasn’t much action going on. You talked about how nice the place had been transformed for the night and shared your favorite drinks, occasionally dropping a drunk-story from your youths. And the weird part? You found yourself genuinely enjoying his presence. With the way he kept eye-contact with you and made you feel like he was actually listening and comprehending the words falling out of your mouth, laughing and giving you verbal cues that he was following along, it made you see him in a way you hadn’t before.

You were.. enchanted. If it had been any other man, they’d dominate the conversation, going on about themselves the whole time and forcing you to listen. But with Samson, he treated you like an equal. He never cut you off or interjected to relate, waiting until you were entirely done or if you allowed him to weigh in between your thoughts.

“By the way–” he wiped his mouth of any residual beer, “I don’t want this to come off as weird, but you look incredible tonight. I don't think I’ve ever seen you dress in anything other than like, work clothes– and not that you look bad in that!” You giggled as he tripped over his words, his cheeks flushing a deeper shade. “What I’m trying to say is that I think you’re very beautiful, and I don’t want you to think I’m like Fitz.”

Your fingers brushed against his arm, furrowing your eyebrows at him for thinking such things, “Awh, Samson! You’re nothing like him, I hope you know that.”

He smiled down at his feet before back at you, “I know the other day you said that you and Joel weren’t a thing, and Tommy told me you weren’t seeing anybody– so I guess I’m just triple checking here– is there someone in the picture?”

So this was who Tommy was playing matchmaker for.

Your heart slowed and you fought to keep the innocent smile on your face. Was he approaching you at the bar when you bumped into him? Was he pretending to act like that just to segue into this? Several things ran through your mind as your eyes drifted away from his, and just when he was about to call you back to attention, the devil himself appeared: Tommy.

He swooped in around Samson’s shoulders, nursing a beer in hand. He held a smugness in his demeanor, surely you thought it was about the scene he’d set up until he spoke.

“Looks like you may have a roommate for the night.”

He jerked his hand behind him to a woman leaning against a pillar with Joel standing mere inches in front of her. He stood still with his hands to himself, but dropped his head closer to hers with a clear smile on his face. She beamed up at him with a look you knew all too well, not even attempting to conceal her attraction to him. She laughed too much for your liking while gripping his bicep, probably sneaking in some flirty comment with a double-meaning. Good fucking God.

You thought maybe you had a breakthrough at the lake, but this proved that you clearly didn’t, and you couldn’t believe you were stupid enough to think that what he said had any depth underneath it. Joel cared about you– this you knew. He cared in the same way he cared for Tommy and Ellie. But somewhere along the lines you’d gotten it confused with love, something he had for them, but maybe not you. Samson’s words replayed in your head in a painful reminder.

You said you and Joel weren’t a thing… Tommy told me you weren’t seeing anybody.. Is there someone in the picture?

Your eyes widened then narrowed, your jaw wiring shut as your chest began to heave. Tommy’s grin fell as he watched your features morph into something between resent and heartbreak, his eyes nervously peering from you, to Joel, to Samson as the alcohol took a momentary backseat.

He’d always sensed something between you and Joel after you settled in, though he knew that neither one of you would ever admit to your feelings for each other out of stubbornness. But he saw the way Joel looked at you after saying you didn’t have someone to call your own this morning, how his big brother almost looked offended by the truth of your answer. The reality was that Samson was interested in you, but Tommy had seen it as an opportunity to put pressure on the status between you both, and now he saw that it didn’t go in the direction of which he hoped and it was clearly affecting you.

“Oh, y’know he won’t take ‘er home! Never’s taken anyone. Not like that with him. Too chickenshit.” He tried his best to play off his earlier comment to put you at ease, but by the way the gap seemed to be closing between them only made the green-eyed monster rear its ugly head in full force.

You cleared your throat as you broke away, grabbing three shots off a nearby high table and handing them to the two men before you, needing to wash down the bitter taste in your mouth. “Oh, Tommy, you must’ve mistaken me for someone who cares. Who knows if I’ll even be going home tonight?”

Samson’s face lit up in surprise as you wiggled your brows at him and grabbed his hand to lead away while leaving Tommy open-mouthed as he saw right through your spite. Breathless curses left his mouth as he watched you disappear through the crowd, a frustration growing towards you and Joel for being so goddamn stupid about each other.

The barkeeps fed you two more shots and another beer. The alcohol was definitely hitting now. A few minutes ago, you were properly pissed off, wanting to storm up to Joel and give him a piece of your mind and telling the woman to go kick rocks, but now you were all over Samson, turning up the charm for him. It didn’t matter anymore if he just wanted to fuck, because maybe you’d just let him. He let out a chuckle and smiled, prompting you to tilt your head at him in question.

“The music tonight has been so fucking good,” he drank from the bottle, a smirk forming on your face, “I mean, when was the last time you heard this song?”

The bass riff and guitars let you know exactly what song had been playing, a long-time favorite of yours. You could’ve answered 'a couple months ago' to his question, but you took silent pride in knowing that he was another person impressed by your picks. He understood your cue as you turned your head to the middle of the room and back, placing his hand on the small of your back as you weaved through people. You wrapped an arm around his shoulder as he drew you closer to him by your waist, moving in sync to the beat.

♫

One of these nights One of these crazy old nights We're gonne find out pretty mama What turns on your lights ...

♫

If intimacy, yearning, and sex was a song, surely it’d be this one.

♫

Ooh.. someone to be kind to In between the dark and the light ...

♫

You sang out with your heart, pressing your body into Samson’s, but knowing the lyrics were about him. And deep down, you wanted him to hear it and think of you. Think of how you were the daughter of the devil himself and the angel in white, the woman he’s been looking for with a little of both and how she is in sight.

Around you were all couples reflecting exactly what you’d been doing, some doing more but your eyes didn’t linger on them long. You caught the faces of work friends and neighbors totally focused on their person as you swayed around, smiling at their fun. Eventually, the whole room sang along, an imperfect harmony to your ears that you couldn’t get tired of hearing tonight.

As the song winded down, Samson held you closer and craned his head down until your foreheads and noses were touching, still swaying to the guitar riffs. You took it a step further and pressed your mouth to his, your hand cupping his cheek and fingertips grazing his hair. You hadn’t expected anything out of it other than the feeling of your lips on someone else’s, but you didn’t pull away. You couldn’t. Your tongues found one another every other kiss, deepening as they went. His warmth kept you glued to him, and you found yourself taking a liking to his taste of alcohol and.. mint, maybe? Definitely something with an icy, refreshing hint.

You didn’t realize how long you’d been kissing, or kissing enough times that it was leading to straight-up making out, until you heard clear hoots and whistles during the switch between songs. When you pulled away, his lips were noticeably more plump compared to earlier, and the tingling sensation on yours let you know that they probably looked the same. You bit your bottom lip as you looked around at the ones cheering you on, the corners of your mouth curling up, but you broke out into a complete grin once you saw his face.

♫

Off with your head Dance til you're dead Heads will roll Heads will roll ...

♫

You’d almost tripped over your own two feet, discreetly looking over Samson’s shoulder from left to right to make sure you were seeing things right, and the excitement you felt when they were? Unmatched. And almost as if it’d been planned, the perfect song was playing.

If he’d been giving you or Samson a death-stare, you couldn’t tell, but either way, you loved seeing the scowl on his face. His fingers tightly curled around his beer that if he did it any tighter it’d break, the hard lines on his face prominent to you even this far away. You situated yourself to the side, giving him the perfect view as you brushed your nose against Samson’s, giving him your best doe eyes before melting into his mouth again, making sure that Joel could see the smile on your lips when you broke away and went back for more.

Your body winded up as the song progressed, building up to the drop and heavy riff. The strobe lights blinked quickly enough to cause a stroboscopic effect on everyone’s movement, perceiving them to move slower than they actually were. But when you looked back at Joel, he stayed completely still, his eyes locked on you between the several bodies that separated you from him. He looked so.. menacing.. that it made you shiver and throb. A wicked grin spread on your lips.

♫

Off, off with your head! Dance, dance til you're dead!

♫

Turning around, you pressed into Samson and grinded your backside into him. His hands were off you as quickly they were on you, frowning at the absence, you spun around and saw why: Tommy, again. You’d suspected something bad from the way his gaze fell back and forth between you both and he had a strong hand on his shoulder, but were eased when Samson held up a finger to you and smiled.

As much as you wanted to dance, you also wanted another drink, the empty bottle in your hand now warm from holding it for so long. Sliding shoulders through the floor, you looked between the bar and the bathroom, choosing to make the pitstop before continuing on. Pushing in the door, you were relieved there wasn’t a line, darting into an open stall to squat and do your business. As you finished, another body entered the bathroom in heels that clicked and echoed until they stopped in front of the sink, to what you imagined was a woman checking her makeup. When you got out, you saw their reflection in the mirror– indeed they’d been checking their face, but it’d also been the woman that’d been smitten with Joel. You paid no mind to her other than your initial glance, ignoring her presence and harshly scrubbing the soap on your hands.

“That older Miller’s somethin’, ain’t he?” Your hands froze under the running water. “I only got a taste earlier, but I bet he’s real good in bed.”

The fuck does she mean she got a taste earlier?

Your face must’ve been showing too much of a reaction based on the stupid fucking smile on hers and a snobbish laugh. Not even bothering to dry off your hands with paper towel, you rubbed them against your jeans and threw the door open to leave, storming up to the bar and impatiently tapping your fingers against the wood as you waited.

Fuck her, and fuck Joel. And you know what? Fuck Tommy, too. If he hadn’t brought it to your attention, maybe you wouldn’t have seen it. Then you wouldn’t have downed one too many drinks and legitimately considered sleeping with someone as rebound off hurt feelings, and then maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t be feeling like all kinds of fucked up right now. You blinked back the burning in your eyes. Don’t cry. Don’t fucking cry over this right now.

The lights returned to their original dimness and calmed down on the strobes, allowing you to search around a bit easier for any of the three people you found yourself with most tonight, but had no luck. Samson and Tommy were out of sight, and you didn’t have the slightest idea of what he pulled Samson away for. As for Joel, he moved from the last spot you remembered him in, or was it over there? You shook your head. It didn’t take much contemplation to decide on going home, you had your fun, but it was over, and you were too far gone to spark it back up in any capacity.

You held your arms tight to your body as you embraced the cool air on the walk to Rancher Street, a fair distance from the Tipsy Bison. The lightness in your head caused you to stumble quite a bit, wishing that either your house was closer or that someone would’ve walked with you. Other times when you drank too much, though it didn’t happen very often, either Tommy or Joel were right there at your side to get you home safe, but you wanted to throw yourself in someone’s yard and pass the fuck out rather than be alone.

Stomping up the porch, you caught yourself on the doorknob last minute as you tripped, fumbling it open and pushing inside. You ungracefully dropped to your ass, tugging at the aglets of your laces in the dark until the knots came undone and kicked your shoes off. So focused on keeping yourself upright, you hadn’t noticed Joel staring at you while leaning against the entryway of the living room with his arms crossed.

“Wasn’t expecting you.” His tone was deep and flat. You scoffed as you got off the floor, face contorting as you mocked him.

“I live here, don’t I?”

“Alone, I meant.” You shook your head as you walked past him, but he grabbed your wrist and held you in place, feeling the heat of his glare on your back. “You gon’ tell me what the hell that was back there?”

You met his eyes over your shoulder. “That was me having a good time. Same as you with that lovely woman.”

“Bullshit.” He shot back. “That wasn’t the same.”

“Oh, please,” you scoffed while yanking your wrist back, turning into the kitchen and bracing yourself along the island, “s’hardly a difference.”

“Really?” He followed you, his frustration apparent in the way his jaw clenched. “‘Cause it sure looked like you were all over him tryin’ to prove somethin’.”

You pointed at yourself, “I don’t have anything to prove to anybody!” you snapped, the words coming out slow but loud, “And if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re jealous.”

His eyes darkened, slowly taking a step towards you, “I am not-”

“Then what the fuck is wrong?” You staggered around the island on the emphasis of the curse, throwing your hands up, “I didn’t do a damn thing, and you’re losing your fucking head!”

“You didn’t– Wow.” A wry laugh came out his mouth. He waved you off, his tone dripping with bitterness. “I ain’t gotta explain myself to you.”

“And neither do I!” You retorted in defiance, your arms grandly gesturing. Your cheeks were hot with anger now, more so than before. “I can do whatever the hell I want, Joel! I don’t need your fucking permission!”

He dragged a hand down his face, turning away from you before whipping around and meeting you at the end of the island, raising his voice at you. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

“And you’re insufferable!” you seethed as you pushed his chest, his hands seizing your wrists, “Acting like you have some fucking claim over me when we’re not even together!”

The silence after your outburst was deafening.

His anger faltered as a flash of pain crossed his face, quickly making your own frustration subside. The hard lines on his face deepened, a slight frown and somberness settling upon it. His grip on your wrists remained firm, but there was a hint of vulnerability in his touch. You wanted to blame the alcohol for making you so mean, but it was really the floodgate of feelings that’d been repressed for far too long.

You huffed, “Joel, I-” he interrupted you by tearing his eyes away from yours and releasing your wrists.

The pang in your chest was unmistakable. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. This was the part where everything was supposed to come out, to confront the truth of your feelings, but instead he was backing away, retreating and shutting down that conversation before it could even begin. You said his name again, but he simply raised his hand and continued to walk out of the kitchen.

Fuck– No. No, no, no. Your dejection passed and your temper flared up again. No, he doesn’t get to just walk away.

“Joel!” You called out, your voice tinged with frustration and desperation, “Joel, stop!”

But he didn’t. He kept walking, putting more distance between you and fueling your determination. Your heart was pounding as you quickened your pace to catch up with him upstairs, his arm just out of reach before he slammed his door in your face. He didn’t respond when you pounded on the door and demanded for him to come out, your temper mixing between anger and hurt.

“Screw you, Joel! I’m so tired of this– whatever the fuck this is!” Your voice trembled, feeling a punch to the gut when you remembered an obnoxiously accurate point he’d made to you once before. “I-I fucked up– but people do things when they’re scared!”

Your eyes stung, and it hadn’t dawned on you yet that you were potentially jeopardizing everything by blabbering off, but you couldn’t stop now.

“I can’t- Fuck-” a ruined sigh forced itself out your lungs, your thoughts moving too fast for you to comprehend, “If you’re gonna break my heart, do it now, because I can’t-”

You didn’t know when he’d opened the door and stepped out, but you stopped your rambling as soon as you saw him. The silence fell heavy, the only sound being his boots stepping towards you until his chest was nearly touching yours and his breath fanned over your skin. Your eyes darted around his face, from his eyes, to his nose, lips, beard, and back to his eyes again. Just the slightest inch forward and you’d be touching him, the fact making you shiver and fiercely pulse between your thighs.

Your heart ached when you saw the raw emotion in his eyes– an amalgamation of sadness, yearning, lust, and tenderness– all things you grew to be familiar with when you found yourselves running in circles. You couldn’t stand the way his eyes flickered between yours and how his warm hands were slowly reaching up to cup your face. And how you could now feel his chest pressed against yours. And how his lips parted. And that fucking look on his face.

“Joel,” you quavered, “don’t..”

But he knew.

A soft, broken breath escaped you as it was all suddenly becoming too real, reaching the point of no return.

“Don’t look at me like that unless you mean it.”

It wasn’t addressed the morning after. Or during the late dinner that following night.

Not even two, three days later.

Which brought you to today, and still nothing. It was like a heavy fog that refused to dissipate, a complete contrast to the week before when words had flowed more freely between you two until that night. Now and then a brief conversation was shared, though its brevity only emphasized the distance that crept between you both.

And then there were those accursed papers, the unwelcome intruder into your already strained dynamic.

The progress was coming along much slower than you anticipated being that you had limited windows of time to work on them, often staying up late into the night in your room, or quietly flipping through them at the kitchen table or out on the front porch.

You had finally sorted them into two piles: the map and patrol schedules, and the roster and patrol logs. The constant scribbling, drawing, and highlighting had taken a toll on the papers, rendering them almost unrecognizable from their original state due to your desperate need to find connections, no matter how small they might be.

Despite your efforts to compartmentalize your thoughts on shift, your mind remained clouded with the ever-pressing mystery. Fortunately, today you’d been paired up with Mike, a partner that appreciated the comfortable silences and occasionally engaged in small talk about Jackson and everyday life, offering respite from the chaotic whirlpool that was your head over the last few days.

Returning to the stables after the long day wasn’t the reward you were hoping you felt like it was going to be, the idea of another sleepless night deciphering the papers looming over you. You leaned on the gate of your horse’s pen, observing the gentle giant before you, America.

She was brought in to Jackson just a few weeks after you settled, slightly underweight and skittish, but with the promise of improvement with time. It was during one of your grooming sessions when you hummed along to A Horse with No Name on your Walkman that you realized the irony of it, finding her name to be fitting of the circumstances.

She nudged your hands that were lazily draped over the wooden gate, prompting a weak smile from you. You reached up to caress her muzzle and forehead, her eyes closing in response as she leaned into your touch. Resting your forehead against hers, your hands moved to her cheeks, where you continued to stroke her gently.

“My best girl, always know when I’m off, don’t you?” She nickered and nudged you again, deepening your smile. “Rest up, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Just as you set her feeding pail within reach and tossed a few apples into her pen, the sound of your name caught your attention and spun you around to see Lottie. You squinted at the older woman, unsure of why she was all the way out here looking for you just as curfew was setting in.

“Lottie,” your voice was light with concern, guiding her shoulder gently back towards housing, “everything alright?”

“Oh, sure is!” She waved a hand, “I stopped by your house earlier today, I didn’t know you were out until Ellie told me and– which, can I just say, she is such a sweetheart. I mean she’s just-”

The corner of your lips curled up as she continued to gush, a prideful sense swelling up in you as when anyone spoke highly of her. You were drawn back into the conversation when she finally rounded to the point in front of her own home.

“Anyway, I didn’t know if you’d run out of this yet-” She reached into her satchel and retrieved a jar, “Here.”

You quirked a brow as she pushed it into your hands. The liquid inside looked dark in the fading light, but a familiar white label with cursive caught your eye. A smile spread on Lottie’s face as your eyes widened, recognizing the gift she’d given you, “Lottie, I-”

You couldn’t finish your sentence, your fingers curling around the jar as if it were the most fragile thing in the world. You brought it close to your chest, a genuine smile spreading across your face. “I can’t say thank you enough.”

“No need, sweetie.” Seeing the joy it brought you was more than enough for her, her hands clasped together under her chin and grinning. “Anything for you and Joel.”

You met her eyes at the mention of his name.

“I would’ve just given it to him like last time, but I figured since it was for you anyway, I’d just give it to you myself.” She winked at you, “Save you the wait.”

You tried to appear as cool as possible even though it felt like you were short-circuiting. Last time? She knew it was for you?

“Well,” you cleared your throat, eager to change the subject “thank you again, Lottie. I better get going before it’s too late.”

Offering her a sweet smile and a nod, you rounded the corner, your thoughts buzzing with the secret she unknowingly let you in on until you stepped through your front door.

You hadn’t realized how hungry you were until the smell of food reached your nose once you stepped inside, the aroma being the best welcome home you’d had in a while. Ellie’s head poked into the hallway, her cheerful greeting echoing down it as you kicked off your boots and followed the delightful scent to its source.

To your right was Dina standing by the stove, deftly balancing a pot and pan, while Ellie and Jesse worked together by cutting bread and vegetables at the island. She spoke without taking her eyes off her cooking, “You can probably get in a quick shower before it’s ready.”

You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the unexpected feast. “What’s all this about?”

“A thank you for letting us crash on your couch tonight.”

The post-curfew rule.

With a full kitchen, it still lacked one person. Hoping it didn’t sound as awkward as it felt, you inquired, “Is, uh.. Joel home?”

Ellie answered, “Yeah, he’s-”

“Right here.”

His muffled voice called from the dining room, emerging seconds later while wiping his hands on his jeans. His gaze first landed on you, then your hands, then back up to you with a drastic difference from his initial look. Your fingers involuntarily curled around the jar, feeling an immediate tension. The kids were chattering, but you weren’t listening as you locked eyes with him, his lips curled inward slightly.

“Gonna share with the class?”

Jesse’s voice and nearing presence brought you back to the scene that was your kitchen, pointing at your possession. Rather than telling, you handed it to him and watched as he surveyed it.

“Ah, honey.” He stated once he saw the label, turning it over to a curious Dina that approached his side. “Tupelo– What’s that, something special?”

Ellie’s cutting slowed at his question, darting her eyes quickly at Joel, and then you. Your attention remained fixed on it, your mouth half-opened as you pondered how to respond. It was special– in ways that went beyond mere taste.

“The flavor.” You replied with a soft smile, turning away to go upstairs.

The shower was just what you needed to wash away the day’s stress, the hot water a godsend on your skin. You returned perfectly on time as everyone took their seats at the table. Jesse sat next to Ellie, Ellie next to Dina, Dina across from you, which left you besides Joel.

Awkwardly, you sat at the same time, acutely aware of the other’s presence yet made no move to so much as look at the other out the corner of your eye. And if it couldn’t have been more awkward, you reached for the serving utensils simultaneously. You both retracted and silently urged the other to go first, although Joel held out longer.

The bread and vegetables Jesse and Ellie had been cutting were spread evenly on a large board that featured sliced cucumbers, carrots, bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, zucchini, and a dip in the middle of it all. The main course consisted of salmon with lemon-herb orzo and broccoli that made your mouth water just at the sight of, leaving you thoroughly impressed and appreciative with their efforts of cooking such a meal for so many.

Your hand grazed against his in passing it over, the sudden contact an electric shock to you. You stole a discreet glance at his fingers as they curled around the handle, following up along his strong forearms where the veins subtly raised under his skin– those same veins that you knew continued up. A desire simmered in your lower belly, fantasizing about how those very arms and fingers brought you great pleasure just earlier in the week, now borderline aching to have them on and around you again.

“Don’t wait too long, it’ll get cold.” Ellie’s gentle words reached your ears along with a small smile, her forearm resting against the edge with a clean fork in hand.

Quickly glancing around the table, you noticed that everyone else had started eating except you, apparent that she was waiting on you.

“Sorry, just-” You shook your head and picked up the spatula to serve yourself, “You guys really outdid yourselves.”

Jesse chimed in, “Well, technically Ellie and Dina did everyth-”

Dina interrupted with enthusiasm, “Oh, nuh-uh! This was a group effort!”

“Yeah! You carried everything back to the house,” Ellie added while she picked up a forkful of salmon and orzo, “that’s like, half the battle right there.”

Jesse rolled his eyes, “Yeah, but I didn’t actually cook anything.”

Ellie covered her mouth, her words slightly muffled by the food. “But you did cut the shit out of some bread, though.”

Jesse lowered his fork, shaking his head with mock annoyance and trying to hide his laugh, which only caused a burst of laughter from the girls. You hid your own smile behind your hand, sneaking a glance at Joel who’d been hiding his behind a glass of water.

“Whatever, anyway– what’s new with you guys?” He poked his fork into his plate, “Haven’t seen you since before the party, no?”

“Oh yeah, the party!” Dina exclaimed, “How was it?”

The three of them leaned in eagerly, curiosity shining in their eyes. Their intense gazes demanding details from either of you. Quickly, you grabbed your drink and took long, deliberate sips of the ice cold water, prolonging any sort of answer. You didn’t even dare to look at Joel. You hoped that each gulp would shock away the memories that threatened to play at the forefront of your mind; the drinking, jealousy, dancing, arguing, kissing–

Apparently, he had the same idea.

“Ah,” Jesse spoke in a hushed tone, “I see.”

“Mmhm, me too,” Dina joined in with a conspiratorial whisper, “Ellie?”

You raised your finger before she could input, feeling her response through her smug expression she directed your way.

“Easy.” Joel’s sudden tone was light with a hint of caution, “Nothin’ for you kids to worry about, jus’ adults being adults.”

Your attempt to conceal a guilty smile didn’t go unnoticed by them, turning their gaze to you in unison, then back to Joel.

“Adults being adults, huh?” Ellie teased.

“Ellie–”

“Oh, come on, Joel!” She egged him on. “Give us something.”

You busied yourself with another bite as Joel did his signature sigh of annoyance, wearing an expression that clearly showed his mild irritation.

“Really? Nothing? Either of you?”

You both continued to stare back at her, Joel’s gaze more unamused than yours, as you wore a slight smile on your face.

“Yeah, they’re definitely not telling.” Jesse piped up, “They’re doing the parent thing.”

Your smile dropped like you’d been caught in the act, but it was really at his use of being her..

“What parent thing?” Ellie switched her attention to Jesse.

Parent.

Moreso the allusion of being her parent.

Maybe it looked that way– sure felt that way sometimes, but the term wasn’t ever actually used. Maybe it made sense, though. After all, she did call Tommy ‘Uncle Tommy’.

“You know, the thing where you can ask them a million times, but they won’t say a word? Either because the answer is so obvious or they’re just not going to spill the beans, so they give you the old stare-down until you figure it out on your own?”

Okay, maybe he was onto something.

Ellie fell quiet for a second, looking down at her plate as she pondered the idea. Then, she lifted her eyes to you both.

“So that’s what that’s called?”

You shared a look with Joel before you both took simultaneous sips from your glasses, inciting another round of laughter from the kids.

To your relief, the conversation veered toward lighter topics after that. You finished your meal quietly and enjoyed the banter between Ellie and her friends. Occasionally, you caught Joel in your peripheral, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched on.

It’d been just half-past midnight when you looked at the clock, dragging a hand over your tired eyes. You’d spent the last few hours trying to put together a puzzle with pieces that felt like they were from different sets, making less progress than you would’ve liked. But, you did now have a foundation regarding the people who threatened Jackson, finally having a solid list of their names and physical descriptions.

On paper, it seemed like a group of six to seven all in varying stages of their twenties, led particularly by a man and woman. According to the logs, it suggested as if they all had some sort of combat and marksman skill, though two in particular were perceived to have medical training as well.

With a heavy sigh, you put your pen down on your desk, slumping back in your chair and feeling your muscles uncoil from being hunched over for so long while you drew out an organization chart. You flexed your fingers, trying to soothe the soreness from gripping the pen tightly for so long, and gently massaged your aching knuckles.

Reluctantly, you scooped all the papers together and rolled in your chair to your nightstand to shove them in the drawer, calling it an “early” night. The soft glow of your lamp, usually a comfort, was becoming nothing more than a nuisance at the hour. All you wanted was to retreat into the darkness under your covers.

You rose and stretched out your limbs, aiming to release the tension but froze midway when a knock came from the door, glancing back at your clock once more before padding over to the door.

To your surprise, it’d been Joel, with coffee, tea, and a warm slice of blueberry pie.

“Saw your light was still on..” he gestured with the plate, “.. kids brought this over, too.”

You opened the door wider, inviting him in if he wished to enter. He slowly stepped past you, getting a waft of the treats as he did.

“Little late for sweets, don’t you think?” You teased.

He set down the plate and tea on your desk, shooting you a knowing look, “Since when do you say no to a midnight snack?”

You rolled your eyes at his point. Never. Especially when the smell of warm blueberries and sweetness filled the air.

You slumped into your chair again, throwing one leg over the other as you leaned back with the steaming cup of tea in hand. With the first sip, you could immediately tell what Joel had added to it.

He stood near the foot of your bed in a way that it looked like he wasn’t sure what to do with himself, teetering between leaving and staying. You noticed his reading glasses folded and hanging from the collar of his shirt, making an excuse for him to stick around for a few more minutes.

“Late night reading?”

He followed your gaze down to his chest, his fingers momentarily brushing over them, “Been stuck on the same chapter for a while.. can’t seem to get past it.”

You knew the feeling too well.

“What about you?” He drew a sip from his mug, taking a seat on your bed

You leaned forward to trade the tea for the pie, the plate still warm against your fingers. “Can’t sleep.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie.

He nodded at the answer, glad he deemed it as a believable one. The slice was gone within a few bites, the portion expertly cut to serve as the perfect midnight snack. For a while, you sat in companionable silence, quietly sipping from your mugs.

“Did it-”

“Well I-”

You both paused, a light chuckle filling the space. He motioned for you to speak first.

“I hope I’m not overstepping, but..” you hesitated, gauging his reaction to the warning you were giving him. He remained calm– open, even, to your curiosity. “Did it feel weird to be called a parent again?”

His expression was still soft, though his eyes fell to the hand on his knee, his thumb absently tracing the material of his pants. It was rare that you even brought up the thought of her. She represented the stark difference of your losses, and while he never made you feel like yours were less, you knew there was a unique pain that came from losing your own child. One that you’d never experienced.

“It’s.. complicated.” He sighed, “But it didn’t feel wrong.”

You watched the gears turn in his head and patiently awaited his choice to delve further or simply let it rest.

“I was lucky enough to be a father once, and when I lost..” His voice died down, both his hands cradling the coffee mug but looking as if they’d drop it at any moment. Gently, you took it from him and placed it alongside your abandoned tea, settling next to him and rubbing soft circles on his shoulder.

“When I lost her, I thought that was it.” His fingers brushed against your knee, their movements almost trembling and uncertain. “I did the worst thing a parent could do– I failed her.”

You placed your hand on top of his lightly, curling your fingers into his palm.

“Yet, somehow, I was given a second chance.” His hand curled around yours, “She gave me a second chance.”

The vulnerability made your heart ache, to listen to him speak so candidly about something that haunted him for years.

“She can’t replace my Sarah, but I don’t need her to. I love her just as she is.”

A smile tugged at the corner of your lips at the admission, though you didn’t need him to say it to know that’s how he felt about the teen living twenty feet from your backdoor.

You rubbed your thumb over his wrist, glancing down at your joined hands and then back up at him. “She loves you too.”

You could see the small smile appearing on his face at your words, his head dropping slightly and nudging you with his shoulder in a way that elicited a soft chuckle out of you.

In the light moment, you pulled back to grab both your mugs and rejoined him at his side. You enjoyed the silence, savoring your drinks of choice again. The floral sweetness tickled your nose with each sip, the honey making it go down more smooth compared to when you drank it without.

“How do you feel about it?”

You met his soft gaze, the glow of your bedroom lamp casting a gentle light on his features, making him appear even softer despite his imposing frame. For a moment, your eyes roamed over him, tracing the path of his beard down his neck to the glasses that hung from his shirt, and catching a final glimpse of a vein that ran up his bicep and hid under his sleeve. He looked so..

You tapped your finger on the rim of your mug, forcing yourself to rip your eyes away and distract yourself with a sip of your tea before answering.

“I mean, it’s..” You sighed, searching for the right words but coming up short. “Complicated, like you said.”

Your fingers traced patterns on the mug’s surface as a rush of feelings overwhelmed you, but your voice remained steady, “She didn’t even flinch at the implication, which I feel says a lot, you know?”

You swirled the last bit of tea at the bottom as you gathered your thoughts. “I never got to have kids, but with her, there’s just this feeling, this..”

“Instinct.”

You looked up at him and found an understanding in his eyes. He wasn’t offering to fill the gap, he was telling you what it was.

“Instinct.. to protect her as my own. Be the one she can rely on, love her through all the good and bad– stuff like that.”

A light chuckle into his coffee had you knitting your brows together, “What?”

“That’s what a parent does.” He shrugged with a half-smile.

You bit your lip as you looked down, drawing the mug up as his words sunk in and downing the last bit of tea left. You shook your head, an uncertainty still persisting.

“I don’t know, Joel. I don’t want her to feel like I’m trying to take that place. I don’t want her to think that–”

“Hey– she doesn’t.” He interrupted with a hand between your shoulders, “You’re just bein’ you, and you are what matters to her.”

Between the lack of good rest and emotional turmoil, it left you too weary to offer a counter argument. You simply surrendered to his word and settled for silence. Slowly, you leaned into him and rested your head into the crook of his shoulder, his arm gently wrapping around you and soothingly rubbing up and down your arm.

“Thanks, Joel.”

The words were barely a whisper but brimmed with sincerity, earning a simple hum in response and a cheek resting atop your head.

Moments like this reminded you how fortunate you were to have them both, to have found and created a life together after enduring the worst kinds of casualties. To have loved, lost, and found a purpose again.

“Try to get some sleep, alright?” He squeezed your arm and withdrew, reminding you both of the early morning ahead.

You nodded, observing as he gathered your empty mug and plate and balanced them all with one hand. A comforting smile graced his lips before he took his leave, yet he lingered in the doorway with his hand on the doorknob.

“If it makes a difference,” he looked at you as he spoke, “I think you’re one hell of a mom to her.”

A rush of warmth flooded your cheeks and made you look down at your hands that couldn’t seem to stay still now. When you summoned the courage to meet his eyes again, he shot you a wink and finally closed the door.

Padding over to the lamp and finding the switch under the shade, your fingers ceased to flip it as you stared at the dip in your bed where you both sat.

It wasn’t the conversation you expected, nor a conversation you expected at all, but it was one that undoubtedly drew you closer to him.

Despite only getting a few hours of shut-eye, you surprisingly felt well-rested. You welcomed the sun peeking through the blinds as it created a calm atmosphere in your room that further motivated you to get ready for the day, as well as the smell of fresh coffee brewing that had you hurrying to get downstairs for a cup and quick breakfast before heading out.

Joel’s back had been turned to you in front of the pot, noticing your presence almost instantly and quick to hand you a thermos with a mumbled good mornin’. You leaned against the counter beside him, feeling the warmth radiate through the cup, the sensation running a pleasant shiver through your body.

He watched you carefully as he situated himself, your state of peace bringing a smile to his face; your eyes closed with contentment as you inhaled the rich aroma, the steam rolling over your face in small waves.

Over the rim of the cup, you noticed the jar of honey you acquired less than twelve hours ago sitting on the counter. You figured that Jesse had forgotten about it once he set it down. Crossing the kitchen, you picked it up, giving it a once-over before turning to Joel with a smirk.

“So.. you did know.” The remark lacked any real accusal.

Joel leaned back, gripping the counter with one hand, crinkling his eyebrows and casually shrugging as he brought the coffee to his lips, “I have no idea what you’re talkin’ about.”

Your smile deepened, “Oh, really-”

He loudly put the empty coffee pot in the sink, effectively cutting off your incoming line of questioning, ushering you to put down the jar and move, “C’mon, we’re gonna be late.”

You rolled your eyes and swiftly reached for two apples from the fruit bowl on the island. Blindly, you shoved one into your own pack and deftly managed to slip the other into Joel’s for later, all while he rushed you both.

On the walk over you made a few more attempts to extract an answer from him, but were met with skillful deflections that made you giggle with each evasion. You took a sip of your coffee, raising and dropping your shoulders in a mocked defeat.

“Well, guess I could ask Lottie, then.”

He quickly shot you a look, “Or you could not.”

You laughed and playfully swatted at his shoulder, “So you’ll tell me then?”

He let out a huff and shook his head, gesturing to the patrol board that was surrounded by more people than you expected, “Let’s save it for when there aren’t so many ears around?”

You flashed him a grin and deliberately raised your voice with each word, “Why? Don’t want people knowing your little secret about-”

He swiftly stepped in front of you, putting just enough space between you both to maintain propriety. His faint smile lingered as he lightly touched your shoulder. “Listen, I promise you can give me all the grief you want later, alright?”

It was almost endearing how flustered he got, though you had no intention of revealing anything. Even after you agreed, he held your gaze for a moment longer, and you swore you saw a glint of something intimate before he turned away. Excitement fluttered in your belly after joining the line, your body flushing with a mild heat from the quick moment of close proximity.

As you approached the board, Joel lagged behind in conversation with a fellow patrol member. You scanned the board, quickly reading names over and between figures, though none revealed your own. Once at the front, you used your finger and dragged down the list until you found your name, darting over to the next column where you raised an eyebrow at seeing your partner for the shift was none other than Joel himself.

You turned to him still absorbed in discussion, moving out of the way for others and politely tapping his shoulder as you offered a warm smile to the other man. “Hey, we should start moving out.”

His eyes flickered between you and the board, pointing to it and nodding, “Yeah, let me go see-”

You placed your hand on his forearm to stop him from walking, being met with an inquisitive brow.

“You and me, Miller.”

You grinned at his surprise, patting his shoulder twice and brushing past to go to the stables. Besides being tricked by Tommy earlier in the week and today, you hadn’t been paired up for patrol in quite some time, and part of you believed this was another convoluted plan on his again.

It didn’t take long for Joel to follow you and ride down to the gate together, falling in with the assembled group with Tommy at the front giving one of his customary speeches before departure. He found you both easily with a mischievous smile, cementing your belief.

The route today was to go through Wilson Valley down to Elk Creek, take Elk Creek to Colten Bay, then loop back around to Wilson Valley. It wasn’t one of your favorite routes by any means, finding it less scenic compared to others, much of it consisting of open fields and small bodies of water overrun with algae that served as markers.

The first few hours were just as boring as you expected them to be, the majority of it spent traversing to Wilson Valley alone. You didn’t bother to hold America’s reins as she navigated the familiar path. Instead, your hands took small sections of her mane to gently detangle and then braid.

Your eyes roamed over the vast land and mountainous structures, the varying hues of green and yellow abundant everywhere you looked. Dilapidated houses and barns littered along the fields, worn and picked down to their foundation, no longer even offering shelter to the poorest of travelers.

As time passed, impatience crept in. It felt like you were seeing the same sparse trees and tall grass over and over again, the scenery quickly becoming more monotonous by the minute.

You peered over at Joel with nonchalance, “Is now a good time for that grief?”

A grin appeared on his face as he looked down at his saddle and then back to you, raising his hands and letting them fall on his thighs with a playful flair, “If you must.”

You simpered, simply reiterating an earlier point. “So, again, you did know.”

He nodded, “Yeah, I did. And yes, I got it from Lottie.”

You didn’t get the chance to get a question out before he started speaking again.

“She stopped me one mornin’ on my way in for patrol, not too long after she dropped off that box for you. Was askin’ me if you liked honey in your tea, ran inside and brought it out to show me.” He chuckled as he told the details, “When I saw what kind it was, told her I’d pick it up on my way home that evenin’.”

“But how do you?..” You furrowed your brows at him, still stuck on the how. “I don’t recall ever-”

“You remember when we’d camp out durin’ our runs back in Boston?”

You nodded.

“And how sometimes we’d bring a bottle if we knew it was gonna be a long night?”

Your groan transformed into a laughter and rang into the air with his, the era of that time certainly not lost in your memory.

“Yeah, it’d been one of those nights. You were sittin’ there, tellin' me about it with all smiles.” You cringed, now realizing why you didn’t remember. “Didn’t quite understand why until you said her name.”

You took up America’s reins in your hands as the bittersweet memories flashed through your mind of a better time. His voice held a soft, contemplative tone as he continued.

“The way you talked about it– talked about her– was like you were tellin’ a story from just a few days ago. Hadn’t seen you talk like that about anything before.”

Your grip tightened as he recounted the memory from his perspective, rubbing the leather between your fingers as an ache bloomed in your chest.

“So when I saw it– I knew I couldn’t pass it up, and I told you I didn’t know because I thought..” He trailed off, running a hand over his beard and letting out a sigh, “.. I thought it would’ve made it more special.”

Your hands were so hot you were certain the reins would’ve caught on fire. You couldn’t do anything but rub your thumbs faster against the material to quell the rising emotions, the stinging in your nose that made it crinkle without fail every time. Biting down on your lip, you looked away and let a few tears bounce off your cheeks before swiftly wiping away the remnants.

You got one of your answers, but fuck– you weren’t expecting all of that. He remembered because he saw how happy it made you one night all those years ago?

He knew– he fucking knew– and he never would’ve told you so that you could have it to yourself.

The alarms were blaring. The sign clear as day. It wasn’t coincidence, it wasn’t chance– it was pure deliberation driven by an old memory. And it messed with you hard, because you knew that in knowing, there was loving. A type of love without the need for grand declarations and elaborate speeches to prove it, because it’s proved by showing.

You couldn’t look at him during this minor epiphany, and a frown formed on his face when he realized. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to, because you did– but if you did, it would be too real. It would mean that you were right and that he lo–

“M’sorry if I-”

“No!” The word came out more frantic than you intended, catching him off guard with its intensity. His face registered a mixture of confusion, quickly correcting yourself with a softer tone. “N-No, don’t apologize, Joel-”

“I–” A weak smile tugged at your lips, trying your best to keep the tears at bay, “It’s nice that you knew.”

Amidst all the other uncertainties and unresolved issues between you two, this was something entirely different– a direct, indisputable act on his part. Yet you knew it wouldn’t be so easily discussed as such.

So your horses continued to trot along the path in silence, entering Elk Creek.

You sat at the edge of a small lake in the warm gravel, little past the halfway point of the route and well into Colten Bay.

The last few hours were pleasant, marked every so often by eye contact and the exchange of a soft smile. Joel continued on about the honey ordeal, explaining that Ellie got roped into it not long ago when she asked to use some after discovering it in the pantry. She’d looked at him oddly when he told her to use it sparingly, then having to reason as to why. You chuckled as he recalled the details of their conversation that day, Ellie’s eyes widening at learning a new fact about you, pulling up a chair and practically begging Joel to share more stories about your time together in Boston. According to him, the conversation had started early in the afternoon in the kitchen and lasted late into the evening in the living room, even surviving their stop at the Tipsy Bison to grab a quick dinner, her curiosity unwavering

Despite the unremarkable scenery of the lake, you enjoyed it with Joel by your side. The trees towered over you enough to give shade from the dwindling sun, casting dappled sunlight over the forests and mountains in the distance that contrasted against the blue sky.

You passed a paper bag back and forth with jerky in it, preferring to string your pieces apart rather than bite and pull until your jaw was sore, which earned you teasing from Joel.

“Laugh it up, old timer.” You quipped, “You’re lucky there’s no more TV, because if there was, I’d film how you eat and send it straight to National Geographic.”

You couldn’t tell what made you laugh harder, your own joke or Joel’s belly laugh to the point wiping away tears from the corners of his eyes. You grabbed his arm to steady yourself, both of you involuntarily leaning in towards one another, and for a moment, it didn’t feel like you were working. You were just two friends enjoying each other’s company.

“Man,” you reached for the bag and shoved it into your pack, standing off and dusting off the back of your thighs, “I got you fucking good.”

Still chuckling, he shook his head and took your offered hand, following you back to the horses. He began to speak, but the words fell deaf on your ears as you heard the faint crunching of sticks and swishing of leaves close by, snapping your head in the direction and raising a hand for him to be quiet. He caught on instantly.

You both acted swiftly, instinct taking over as Joel drew his revolver while you unholstered yours, aiming with precision and falling into synchronized steps. The rustling grew louder and louder until a figure bursted through the underbrush and halted upon seeing you both.

Before you stood a young woman, clearly in a state of panic and distress. Fresh blood stained her clothes and smeared across her face. She raised her arms, chest heaving as if she’d been running for some time.

“I-I don’t mean harm!”

You maintained a cautious stance, your eyes fixed firmly on the woman. Her wide brown eyes darted nervously between you and Joel, sweat plastering her short hair to her forehead. She was short, maybe shorter than Ellie, and thin.

“I-I was chased.” She stammered, “Got separated from my people.”

“And who are your people?” You pressed rigidly.

“Just a few of us– please, you gotta-”

Whatever plea she’d been begging drowned out as you really began to stare at her. She was covered in blood, yet had no wounds to show for it. Not even a scratch. Slowly, details from your chart began to emerge.

Female. White. 5’1-5’4.

You narrowed your eyes.

Short dark hair. Slim build.

Your jaw tensed.

Fuck, what was her name– Mel?

You muttered her name under your breath, catching Joel’s attention as he looked at you in his peripheral.

“I’m sorry-” You cut her off sharply as she was still blabbering, “I don’t think we got your name.”

She froze, shuffling her feet and darting her eyes away and back to you, “M-Miranda.”

You decided to go out on a limb

“You seen any wolves, Miranda?”

Her face flushed, and you saw her mask slip for a moment before putting on the facade again, “Wolves? I haven’t seen any wolves.”

An anger simmered in you. Liar.

Joel took a step closer to you, maintaining his gaze on the girl while lowering his voice, “Care to tell me what it is you’re doin’ here?”

You ignored his question, “Get on your horse, Joel.”

“What?” He scrunched his face, “I’m not-”

He paused when he caught the lethal look in your eyes, scowling at your insistence but ultimately complying. There wasn’t enough time to explain nor were you privy to the idea of letting him in on your work outside of work.

“I told you my name, I think it’s only fair that-” She began to reason, but it only made you more angry.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s necessary.” You backed up until you reached America and swiftly hoisted yourself up, flickering your eyes into the trees every few moments. You kept your pistol trained on her, “Be careful about those wolves, Miranda.”

You stared down at her, your voice dripping with venom, “If there’s one, there’s probably a pack nearby.”

Luckily with Joel ahead, he missed your insinuation. The woman glared you down and snarled as you rode off, dropping her hands down in a frustrated defeat.

You ushered him to pick up the pace, taking the lead through the remainder of Colten Bay and all throughout Wilson Valley, your head on a swivel the entire time. The hours painfully dragged by, doing a number on your anxiety as you couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched the rest of the way home.

Immense relief washed over you upon seeing Jackson’s gate in the distance, whistling up to the guards so you could ride straight through and to the stables, not wasting another minute beyond the walls as the night fell.

You led America into her pen, fetching her feeding pail and gently gliding your hand along her neck as she ate. You couldn’t stop thinking of Mel, that look she gave you when you let her know you weren’t falling for her act.

It was too close, and you berated yourself mentally for not doing more. You shouldn’t have killed her, right? Even though she was the enemy? No. You didn’t condone killing people in that cold of blood.. Not anymore, at least. Should you have tied her up and brought her back? Interrogated her more? Maybe. But doing so might’ve pissed off your enemies even more and put Jackson at an even greater risk.

Truthfully, you did what was best. You recognized the trouble and withdrew without wasting any bullets or risking injury, moreover keeping Joel safe, who seemed peeved with you at the moment.

Looking over at him, you noticed a small figure at his side. Your hand fell hard on America’s gate, the other finding your hip as you cocked your head.

That fucking woman from the party.

You couldn’t miss the broad smile she aimed at him, leaning casually against a pillar and swearing a shirt that left little to the imagination. You scoffed loudly at the audacity to come out here just to flirt right before curfew.

Your disapproval didn’t go unnoticed, Joel shooting you a look over his shoulder that begged you not to start. Seizing the moment, the woman shot you a dirty look before switching back to her charming smile when he turned his attention back to her.

Thankfully, Tommy entered the stables, and for once, you were grateful for his presence. With a smirk, you strided over to Joel and slipped your hand under his arm to guide him away.

“Um, excuse me!” Her high-pitched tone doubled as annoying and surprising. Reluctantly, you met her gaze, but didn’t drop your hold on Joel. “We were having a conversation.”

“Yeah? Well, that’s too bad.” Her mouth gaped.

“I think what she meant was that-” Joel attempted to soothe the burn, but you were absolutely having none of it.

“I meant exactly that.”

You smiled at him, successfully pulling away and getting joy from seeing her on the brink of a temper tantrum. You even smiled through the scolds he muttered to you under his breath as you approached his brother, his mood entirely sour now.

Tommy’s face shifted from neutral to concerned upon seeing you both with contrasting expressions, “Everythin’ alright?”

The lack of an answer told him what he needed to know, patiently waiting until the stables cleared out completely before giving him a rundown of the incident. You omitted the details you figured from your sidework, chalking the encounter up to being a baiting technique for an ambush.

He rolled his lips under his teeth, tapping his foot against the wood with hands on his hips, a telltale sign of deep thought. For a moment, you weren’t sure what to expect of a response, but you wouldn’t be surprised if it was a form of criticism on your part or a question regarding the situation. However, it never came. He dismissed you both after noting he’d make the necessary alterations for tomorrow, commending you for getting out safely. It was clear that he was shaken up by it, which furthered your guilt.

Joel had a five-step lead on the walk home no matter how hard you tried to keep up. You kept calling out to him, but received no response.

“Joel.” You called again. No answer. “Joel!”

He kept walking, maintaining his pace. You caught up and tugged him back by his arm, “Joel, what the f-”

“Not now.” He tersely replied.

The response was frustratingly vague. Not now? What did he mean not now? He was five steps ahead of you again before you knew it.

“What, are you mad at me?” Your confusion was mounting, and the silence from Joel was only making things worse.

He remained unresponsive, like talking to a brick wall, but you refused to let the matter rest. You didn’t stop pricking until you got home and he couldn’t ignore you any longer.

“Seriously, Joel? You’re not ev-”

“Why didn’t you tell him?”

You creased your brows for a moment, “Tell him what?”

He fixed you with a scrutinizing look, “How you questioned that girl.”

Shit.

“That was-” You darted your eyes away and back to him, letting your hands fall against your thighs, “I was seeing if she was lying.”

“About seeing wolves?” He narrowed his eyes at you. “Awfully specific if y’ask me.”

You straightened up, taking a step towards him, “Is there a problem with how I handle things?”

He let out a scoff, “The problem is when you don’t involve me.”

“Yeah, well next time I’ll make sure to stop and give you a full briefing!” Joel rolled his eyes, and you couldn’t help but feel a sting of annoyance, “Jesus, Joel– I’d think after all this time you’d have a little more trust in me.”

Your inward chuckle ceased when he didn’t respond, his reticence loud as he only looked at you. A pang of hurt hit you hard– Really?

The persisting silence only made it worse.

Whatever. Just go to your room and work for the rest of the night.

Walking past him, he stopped you with a firm hand on your hip.

“‘Course I trust you,” his voice softened, gently turning you to face him, “always have.”

The reassurance calmed you, reducing your fire to embers. His hand fell from you, but a slight frown remained.

“Jus’ can’t stand if somethin’ were to happen and I couldn’t do more because of what I didn’t know,” he searched you for understanding, “make sense?”

You couldn’t stay mad with how genuinely concerned he looked, growing disappointed with yourself for going at him hard when you would’ve done the same thing. Nodding, you mumbled out an apology to him, your eyes stuck on the floor.

Slowly, you felt his arms wrap around you in a way that let you know he accepted it. You exhaled a breath you weren’t aware you were holding as you yielded to his touch, resting against his chest and closing your eyes. The weight of the day felt heavy, but the sound of his heartbeat made it feel just a little lighter.

You thought things were on their way to getting better, that you were closer to tying up loose ends.

joel miller. a mysterious, yet highly respected figure for his efforts towards jackson. there’s not a whole lot known about him, besides the fact that he’s related to tommy, and that he, you, and ellie basically belong to one another.

with settling, he realized that he didn’t have to be so strung out all the time. for once, he could take a breather– enjoy a conversation here or there, go for a walk within the safety of the walls.

but slowly, he found more— he found love.

well.. the love was already there. it had always been there. so, the better thing to say would be that he was finally allowing himself to love.

and the person in question? you.

when he first comes to terms with it, he’s shy– scared, even. the concept of that kind of intimacy is foreign to him at this point, but he forces himself to push forward, because life was short before, and it can be cut even shorter now.

and he’s got a lot of of catching up to do

it starts off small– brushing arms and shoulders in group settings. he doesn’t need a reason to be with or close to you, it’s simply because he just wants to be. in the rare occurrence that you’re not together, the minute he sees you, he’s glued to your hip for the rest of the time being. and after a while, you start becoming this official package that people grow to notice.

he appreciates being crammed in the corner of a booth next to you during the weekly get-togethers at the Tipsy Bison with coworkers because it’s one of the very few times where he doesn’t have to do much to get you pressed against him. in fact, he takes advantage of it, going a step further and throwing an arm around your shoulders to “make more space”. the act is bold but it works because you don’t hesitate for a second to get closer to him.

he opens the door for you wherever you go and pulls out the chair for you before you sit down– both acts never done without an accompanying hand on your lower back. when you walk side-by-side, he intertwines your fingers or gestures so that you hold his arm, a subtle yet loud display of affection that solidifies your relationship.

during slow songs, he dances with you on the floor even if you’re the only pair out there, putting aside his own aversions because there’s nothing better than having you in his arms. he radiates a warmth that you can’t help but be more drawn to him, every touch and glance at one another making your heart flutter with an incomparable fondness. he melts into you– the tension that stresses his body just about everywhere instantly rids itself once he’s got you close, knowing that you’re with him and you’re safe.

after long days, he finds solace in you– one of the few people he holds close to his heart. once he comes home and finds you in the kitchen making dinner, he curls his body around yours and rests his chin on your shoulder, watching as you continue to go about cooking and placing gentle kisses on your cheek. you know the best way to cheer him up, besides a home-cooked meal, is to offer to play with his hair or brush his beard, which he always takes you up on and pulls you into his lap for you to work your magic.

over time, it only gets better.

you have late nights on the porch together, sometimes graced by the presence of a new guitar of his. most of the time, there’s a bottle shared between you both that’s used between conversation and kisses under the stars. he smiles wide and his cheeks burn a deep shade of red, a sight that he isn’t likely to let anyone else see, but one that he can’t and won’t hide from you.

his bed becomes yours, and he wonders how he went so long without having you next to him every night. in some way, shape, or form, you’re always tangled with one another; legs and arms strewn over the other. and more often than not, you wake up to his chest pressed against your back, his arms curling tighter around you when you attempt to get up because he wants every second possible with you.

he gazes at you with those lovey eyes, always caught between wanting to outright profess his love for you and wanting to admire you in silence out of fear that he’ll just screw everything up because there’s truly not enough words he could string together to ever accurately describe just how much you mean to him.

he swears to himself that it doesn’t get better than this– you’re basically his, and he’s basically yours, right? what else could there be?

clearly, he didn’t think about you professing your love first.

you were sitting on the couch when the words nonchalantly left your lips, causing him to abruptly sit up from where his head was on your lap. he didn’t know what to do, but knew he needed to do something to let you know that it very much went both ways. he looks at you nervously until you’re done, immediately kissing you and engulfing you with his arms once you’re done.

and, oh, is he so in love.

he mumbles ‘I love you’s between breaths and can feel it in the tears that are slowly brimming in his eyes. he kisses you softly but passionately, overwhelmed by all the emotions going through him at finally admitting what had been there all along– and nothing has ever felt more right in the world.

Today marked your final day of administration duties for the week before a much-needed two-day break for patrol rotation.

You dreaded the switch more than ever now, but also because of the heat. During the summer, patrol weeks always felt like they came too quick. You could do the cool nights, you actually looked forward to those more, but you absolutely hated the long, unbearably hot days that preceded them.

The house had been quiet since your last conversation with Joel days ago. Since he held your face and told you that everything was going to be okay with the most tender look on his. Since you once again walked that careful line of what is and what could be.

During the day, you were able to keep yourself occupied with work, but it was harder at night when all you could do was stare at the ceiling and think yourself down a hole.

Ellie took note of your change in behavior. In fact, she knew it all too well. How it always looked like your head was somewhere else other than the present, the quietness, the thousand-yard stare. She especially sensed it when she overheard you and Joel talking on the back porch one night when you thought she wasn’t home, revisiting your previous conversation and asking how to break it to her that she couldn’t do patrol until things settled down. Though she didn’t outright confront you about it, she knew something was under your skin.

And she was right; you just couldn’t shake this off. So, you slung your pack over your shoulder and your gun in its holster on the way out to find the one person who could give you the answers you sought: Maria.

Her office resided on the second floor of the town hall, facing the wall built around Jackson, specifically arranged so she could watch the gate when she wasn't doing other duties around the town.

You thought up reasons and excuses to give for dropping in, but they all pointed to ones that wouldn’t warrant a visit or would reveal too much of your own thoughts.

Coming to the Bison tomorrow? No. She wouldn’t be interested in having that conversation, probably. Hey, any updates from patrol? Too direct. She’ll know you’re looking for something. You scoffed at yourself for not having a better plan.

Approaching her door, you silently prepared yourself for a somewhat calculated conversation. You knew her guarded nature, and you needed to employ a cunning approach to elicit the details you came for. Be light– not intrusive or eager. Maria was smart, you had to conceal and control your words and expressions.

You plastered on the biggest smile you could muster and knocked on the door, peeking your head in. “Maria, not catching you at a bad time, am I?”

Her head turned towards you, “Oh please, come in,” she gestured for you to join her at the window she stood at, "out of anyone, I'm glad it's you that came knocking."

This.. could be easier than you thought. You sauntered over next to her and followed her line of sight that fell upon the patrol, they'd been in a tight circle just before the gate. Tommy stood in the center of it all– seemingly giving a speech as he pointed and paired up people as he went along. When you caught sight of Joel, your heart skipped a beat, followed by a weight of discomfort. You watched as Fitz strolled over to him with a wide grin, which of course he didn’t return.

"Most of the time, I don't feel anything when he leaves," Maria's voice was calm and steady, "because part of me knows that he'll come back." She maintained her gaze below, shaking her head that it was almost imperceptible. "But now.. I'm not so sure of that."

You turned your attention to her, eyebrows slightly furrowed, looking for any indication of emotion from her words, but she stayed the same. Relaxed. Which contrasted from what she was insinuating. And while she was speaking of her own dilemma, you couldn't help but see that it was yours too.

“I’m gonna tell you something that has to stay between us,” you eased your expression as she shifted to face you, “and I’m gonna trust that you keep it to yourself, for now, at least.” Her eyes locked on you with caution before turning away to her desk, leaning her weight upon her palms.

"This group.. They're called the Washington Liberation Front. Most of them are former Fireflies."

Your jaw tensed at the name. The Fireflies, once perceived as fighting for a good cause, had betrayed you in the worst way possible, almost taking another person you loved, and framing it as a sacrifice for the greater good of humanity. Your hands twitched into a fist at the memory.

“Tommy started noticing the same descriptions on the patrol logs, so he sent a small group out for a couple weeks to see if they could find a trail.” You glanced back towards the window; the patrol had already left. "They found camps, concealed caches full of weapons and supplies.. And believe it or not, the last Firefly activity.”

You snapped your head at Maria as she chuckled lowly.

“Seems like they had some big operation in..” she flicked through some papers on her desk, dragging her finger across a page and tapping it once she found it, “Salt Lake City.”

It was like a pair of hands wrapped themselves around your throat.

No.

“I just- I don’t know-” she shook her head, “I don’t know what Jackson has to do with it.”

The wounds were tearing open, reminding you of all the bloodshed from that day, and how it stained your hands permanently. That shattered hospital, a place forever burned into your memories, tormented your conscience and left you wishing that you could erase every second spent in there.

You slowly leaned your arm on the window sill, trying to stabilize yourself as it felt like you could've collapsed right then and there. You hoped to God that your face wasn't giving anything away as you tried to maintain steady eye contact with her, even though she wasn't looking at you. She pulled a tattered paper from her drawer and handed it to you. "We found this the night before the meeting."

With shaky hands, you unfolded a map marked with color-coded strategic points and messages in regard to the group's surveillance of Jackson.

The havoc you wreaked on the Fireflies hadn’t been enough to end them, leading to something far worse; a bigger, stronger, more threatening militia than you could’ve imagined. The weight of the world threatened to crush you, you tried to control your breathing through your nose and struggled to keep your hand steady as you looked over the map. You felt your heart beating so hard that you were sure Maria could hear it too.

You had to maintain your composure. Nobody in Jackson knew, not even Tommy, and you were not about to fill the gaps for Maria right now.

As you studied it, you noticed an emblem in the top right corner that read ‘W.L.F’ with a crudely drawn wolf head right beneath it. Ugh– another one of those cliché military group symbols designed with an overinflated ego and heightened sense of self-importance. Overlooking your personal issues with it, you read a specific note in red ink:

WV - EC - CB

MVL > BM

Mike, Tango 2x, Sierra 2x

Fuck, that does looks like some sort of tracking. Goddamnit, Tommy.

Your face scrunched up as you reread the words, racking your brain to figure out the combination of military-alphabet and abbreviations. You held up the map with an inquisitive brow, “Have you figured this out?”

“No,” Maria shook her head as she pulled out more papers from her desk, stacking them gently before pushing them into your possession, “but I think maybe you can."

She looked at you in a way that let you know that you couldn't decline at least trying. You reluctantly nodded as you folded up the map and added it to the pile you held in between your fingers. Her trust in you was appreciated, but at the same time, you didn’t want it. Not for this, at least.

You gave her an affiliative smile and turned away to the door, but she called your name at the last moment as your hand grabbed the handle, anchoring you where you stood. You turned over your shoulder to her.

“Do you have any idea what they want with Jackson?”

You bit your lip and shook your head in a moment of silence.

“No.”

The rest of the day dragged on longer than ever, and forcing yourself through interactions proved harder to be than you thought. Even though most of your conversations were regular routine checks, you dreaded each one. You counted down the minutes until you could seal yourself away in your home.

The papers stuck out of your pack the whole day, a nagging reminder of what you had to look at sooner or later.

As soon as the town lights came on, that was your cue that your work day had come to a close, and you carried yourself home as quickly as possible, feeling like your legs would give up on you at any moment. Once the door clicked shut, you slumped against it and slid until you hit the floor, throwing the cursed papers away from you and sitting in complete silence and darkness.

You wanted to cry. Scream. Punch, kick, or break something. All day, you had to bottle up this knowledge while faking your smiles and laughs. But now it all came barreling down on your head. You had just gotten everything back, finally able to put the past behind you. But you felt it resurfacing with a mean fucking vengeance, and you didn’t know if you could endure it this time.

If this was your karma– a toll had already been taken. How much more had to give for your sins?

You tried to take deep breaths, but they seemed to make things worse. A familiar dizziness and numbness riddled your body as your hands and arms trembled. The air was getting thicker, and you were gasping out, fearing you couldn’t get enough of it into your lungs. Tears blurred your vision and hot streaks streamed down your face. Involuntarily, you rocked back and forth, hiding your face in your hands and knees that were pulled to your chest, and letting out broken cries and choked breaths.

It hit you with an overwhelming force. Your thoughts spiraled, each worry and concern feeding into the next. Minutes stretched into eternity, and it felt impossible to rip yourself from the vicious cycle.

You rested your head against the door, pushing out heavy sighs to ground yourself from the come down of adrenaline, and letting a profound exhaustion settle in. You rubbed at your eyes to dry any residual tears and massaged your temples, staring straight forward at the laundry room at the end of the hall. The streetlight filtered through the back door and glowed over a pair of Joel’s boots and Ellie’s sneakers kicked off next to each other. You whimpered and closed your eyes, not ready to start crying all over again.

You wanted them home so indescribably bad.

When you opened them, they landed on the documents strewn about the floor in front of you. And with a flicker to the laundry room and back, you leaned forward to grab them and pushed yourself off the floor.

Upstairs in your room, you flicked on a lamp and spread out the papers onto your bed to see exactly what Maria had given you: The map and a roster of members retrieved from their camp, a copy of Jackson's previous and future patrol schedules, threat assessment reports from patrolmen, and descriptions pulled from patrol logs.

You lazily glossed over the threat assessment reports, most of them contained the same details and alluded to the same idea that they meant harm. You didn’t bother looking at the roster and patrol logs for now, not even trying to attempt to make connections between descriptions and names and whatnot.

You grouped the items and slipped them into your nightstand drawer, turning your attention back to the map and patrol schedule. You sunk into your bed as you flipped through the several pages of the schedule, reading the same names, days, and times over and over again, your eyes lingering longer when they read Joel’s name.

After a certain point, you couldn’t make out anything, and a fizzled-out frustration crept in as the pieces of parchment became nothing more than just blurs of ink. Your head was pounding between the crying and attempting to make sense of all the information. Your fingers soothed the skin on the bridge of your nose, gliding over your eyebrows and temples, and then dragging down to rest your cheeks in the palms of your hands.

“Hello! Anybody home?”

Ellie’s voice caught you off guard, you hadn’t even heard the front door open.

“Up here!”

You quickly stowed away the rest of the papers in your nightstand and made your way downstairs. She'd been taking her shoes off on the couch when you saw her, and you felt instant relief. She was home. Home and safe. She peered over her shoulder at you as she fussed with the laces, "All the lights were off?"

“Oh- I just.. got in a few minutes ago,” you turned into the kitchen in time to miss the iffy look she gave you, “wasn’t sure if you were coming home or not.”

Ellie followed into the kitchen after you. “Sorry, I know you said not to be out past curfew,” she gestured two glass tupperwares in her hands towards you, “I was packing up leftovers from Dina’s for you and Joel.”

With that sheepish smile on her face, you couldn’t even be mad at her. She’d been late because of you. You smiled warmly at the sentiment, placing them on the counter and pulling her into a hug, holding her longer and tighter than you normally would, afraid to let go as if maybe you wouldn’t get the chance again. As you broke away, you lovingly smoothed her hair, “Thank you, Ellie.”

She stayed in the kitchen even after you went to store the leftovers in the fridge, watching you with an attentiveness you weren’t particularly used to from her. “Something on your mind?”

Her bottom lip jutted out, her voice a little higher than normal. “No.. Just wondering if maybe you wanted to.. watch a movie?” A small smile appeared on her face as she raised her shoulders.

You mirrored her smile. “I’d love to, kiddo. Why don’t you go pick out what you want to watch?”

She shook her head, walking over to you and guiding you out of the kitchen. “Nuh-uh. You always let me pick, I want you to pick and I’ll get everything else ready.”

You chuckled at her insistence and padded into the living room, crouching before the media center and picking through the titles until you found the one that piqued your interest the most.

Once you had it, you popped it into the DVD player and fiddled with the remote until it was at the title screen. You moved the coffee table in front of the tv and pulled the couch over accordingly, and just when you were about to go fetch more blankets and pillows, Ellie joined you with your share of the leftovers heated up “just incase” and a plethora of snacks and drinks. She swatted at you to sit while she reminded you that you were only supposed to pick the movie and nothing more, scolding you down the hall as she retrieved all the movie night necessities.

“Curtis and Viper 2? I swear, you and Joel are the same person sometimes!” She laughed as she finally saw the screen. “Speaking of Joel– he’s gonna be so mad when he sees that we watched it without him-”

“Again!” You blurted out with her, falling into a fit of laughter.

For the next almost two hours, you were able to forget about your entire day, solely enjoying the time you had with Ellie. Together, you recited your favorite lines from the film without missing a beat, humming the soundtrack while making dramatic action-like moves with your arms at each other. You bursted out in laughter at the cheesy one-liners, and gripped the blanket with anticipation at the climax of the film, though you knew the resolution. Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much and your lungs ached in a happy pain.

This was what you needed.

In somewhere in the falling point of the film, you dozed off to sleep, unable to fight against the soft pillows and blankets you were wrapped up in. Ellie noticed when she went to nudge you during another scene you both loved and you didn’t respond, and instead of waking you up, she lowered the volume on the tv and sat with you until the end credits rolled.

It was well after midnight when Joel came home and Ellie was already in her house in the back. She’d tiptoed around the house to clean up so you wouldn’t have to in the morning, but forgot to put the DVD back with the others.

He almost walked past the living room until he saw the furniture rearranged, taking a few steps in to see you peacefully sleeping on the couch. He mustered up a tired smile at the sight of you, gently reaching out to brush stray hairs from your face.

And when he noticed Curtis and Viper 2 still on the coffee table, his smile deepend despite missing out on movie night once again. He spoke in a whisper that could have easily been to you or himself.