Huxley took his hands out of the warm water and began drying them quickly. He was in the middle of washing the dishes when Damien called and he dropped anything to answer him. His half dry hands grabbed the phone and right before he hit the answer button, the call screen disappeared. His brow furrowed as he stared at his phone knowing it didn’t ring anywhere near long enough for it to have gone to voicemail for Damien. He hung up before Hux even had the chance to answer. Something was wrong and Huxley knew it. He knew his partner. He was quick to grab his keys and bag and he was out the door. 

Damien was in his bed, breathing heavy, temperature unbearably hot. He was overheating in every sense of the word. He watched the phone shaking in his own hands as the thoughts swarmed through his head. I shouldn’t have called him. I should just leave him alone. He doesn’t want to hear from me. He wouldn’t want to deal with this. He would help. Fuck. Why can’t it just shut up. The room was too hot, he was too hot, everything felt like it was burning up inside him. This week was too much. Everything about this week was too much. Everything from school to family had been exhausting this week and he finally snapped. He thought maybe escaping to a bathroom break during one of his classes would help cool him off but that only made the situation worse. The second he got to the bathroom he started trying to cool off, regulating his breathing, and a group of guys walked in. They were loud, too loud. And he snapped. He left the now heated room, slamming the door behind him, leaving the group to stare at the fire elemental storming out. 

He felt those stares on his back as he left, practically hearing the laughter echoing afterward. This was just the start of it. He knew he needed to get home as fast as possible before he blew up on campus. He knew what came after this. The overheating, the anger, the frustration, the meltdown. Every door he walked through was slammed behind him and he couldn’t find it in him to care right now. He needed to leave. Everything, the way his shoes squeaked on the wet sidewalk, walking past people talking, someone's laughter, sent him hurling faster and faster towards the edge. Once he reached his door he finally took a breath, shaky as it may have been. He stood there grasping at anything he could in himself to gather himself. He didn’t want to have this breakdown, not right now, not ever. It frustrated him to no end that he couldn’t get a hole of himself, he couldn’t talk himself down. All he could do was talk himself in circles and he fucking hated it. He hated that loss of control. 

It didn’t take long for him to collapse onto his bed, holding back his own tears. His hands were shaking as he picked up the phone. He knew Huxley would help. He was a calm presence and he knew that stability would help. But somehow it scared him to hit the call button. He knew he was safe with Huxley but at this point he was so in his head already. He was spiraling and he was doing it fast. He hit the button. The noise of the call connecting rang out into the room. His head was spinning with the ringing. He shouldn't have done this. He shouldn’t bother him. Fuck. fuck he shouldn’t have done this. He shouldn’t bother him with this. Fuck. He deserves better. He has enough going on. Leave him alone. He’ll leave. Fuck. He hits the end call button. He hopes Huxley is busy with something else. He turns his phone off. 

Not long after that a knock at Damien’s door pulled him out of his spiral even for a brief moment. Who the fuck could be at his door right now. Why can’t everyone just go away. Please just go away. Go away. But he made his way to the door, reluctant and irritated. Peeking outside the door he saw Huxley was standing there, breathing heavily. What the hell? He swung the door open fast, standing in front of his boyfriend. “Huxley what the hell are you doing here?” Damien stared up at him, confusion, almost anger boiling out towards him. The second it came out though he knew he shouldn’t have said it like that, the frustration with the world soaked the words and he hated that they were said to Huxley. The thoughts began echoing in the back of his mind again. “I uh, I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He looked down at his clearly overwhelmed boyfriend, worry etched across his face. He could feel the heat coming off of Damien from here. And he knew Damien didn’t mean the words he said and he wanted to tell him that, but now wasn’t the time. And Damien stared at him in silence, a trace of surprise in his eyes as they stared at each other for a moment. All until Damien looked away from him, eyes focused downwards as he spoke softly. “You came?” The crack in his voice was barely audible as he stared at Huxley’s shoes. Noticing that they were tied in a loose knot. Quietly hating the tears that were threatening to spill over again. “You called.” Huxley’s voice was steady and assuring. He knew reaching out to touch him would be anything but helpful right now, so he stayed, waiting on Damien’s reaction. And just like that Damien broke down. Those two words were enough. His shoulders began shaking, the tears rolled quickly down his cheeks. He took a step back into his apartment, allowing Huxley in with him. Huxley was quick to act, moving into the apartment with Damien, and closing the door quietly and quickly. He kept his voice low when he said “Do you want to go to the bedroom?” A simple nod was all Huxley needed to begin quickly moving with Damien to the bedroom, taking however long Damien needed to get there. Once they got there Huxley made quick work. He helped Damien get situated in bed, ensuring there weren’t too many blankets surrounding him and helping him take off the hoodie he couldn’t muster up the ability to take off sooner when he was too overwhelmed with everything already. Next he moved the bag off of his back, one Damien hadn’t even noticed at first. Huxley was careful to be quiet and gentle with it as he opened it, trying to not make too much noise, remembering how Damien had described noise as a sort of scraping feeling against his brain, only getting worse at times like this. The first thing he grabbed out of it was Damien’s noise canceling headphones. Damien hadn’t even attempted to look for them when he got home and was relieved to see Huxley had brought his extra set he left there. Another searing tear poured over the edge as he grabbed them from Huxley. Damiens hands were still shaking with frustration that he couldn’t get his tears under control, couldn’t get the swirling in his head to go away. And the second the headphones were around his head, cutting off the noises from the surrounding world, he felt a sense of peace in his head for the first time in hours. The yelling became a hum, still there but not nearly as loud as it had been. 

Once Huxley saw Damien’s mind ease a bit at the pressure now around his head, quieting the world around him, he grabbed the next thing out of the bag. He held up the water bottle to his partner and tapped lightly on the bottle in question. Damien looked at it and quickly nodded, knowing water would help the situation. Huxley gave a thumbs up in silent acknowledgement and stood from the bed and made his way quickly to the kitchen. In his moment alone, Damien used it to breathe, attempting to calm his still shaking shoulders and the quiver in his lip. You’re being ridiculous. You shouldn’t be reacting like this. You can’t be like this around him. Yes I can. You’re safe with him. He’ll take care of you. What if he leaves me because of this. His mind was still a battlefield as he tried to wrestle the bad thoughts down.

Huxley was quick to return, straw already at the ready for Damien to drink as he pleased. Damien managed to smile at the small detail and carefully took the bottle from Huxley. The drink was cold in his mouth and felt incredible against his unusually dry tongue. Hux stood for a moment watching Damien before moving towards the window in the room. Damien looked over as Huxley pointed at the blinds, another silent question. Damien nodded, appreciation now written across his face. Huxley knew Damien and Damien could see that in this moment. Huxley offered a smile to his boyfriend and began slowly pulling the shade, carefully closing the room into darkness. Huxley then moved towards the bed, and tapped his hand three times. Their nonverbal sign question of “touch?” It was moments like these that Damien was unbearably happy to have set those signals up together in the first place. But he stared at Hux for a moment, contemplating. 

Finally managing to move his hands to fan himself and point at Huxley, another signal. Their signal that Damien knew he was hot and didn’t want to hurt Huxley. But again, with a small smile this time, Huxley tapped his own hand three times. With that the tears threatened Damien’s eyes again as he nodded. So Huxley crawled into bed next to Damien, allowing Damien to lay his head on his chest. Careful to not touch areas Huxley knew overstimulated Damien, he laid his arm around his partner. And for the first time in what felt like ages, Damien took in a deep breath. He stared up at the ceiling from his point of view on his back, head on Huxley’s chest. Completely enveloped in quiet with his headphones on as he closed his eyes.

Damien woke to Huxley’s fingers combing through his hair slowly and carefully. The headphones had come off some time ago during his nap, but he didn’t wake for that. He woke to the calming sensation of his boyfriend's fingers wrapping around his hair. A slow and calculated pattern as he wove through his hair. Safe. He opened his eyes and moved his head to look at Huxley to see a slight smile on his partner's face, a look of contentment. He smiled back at him, not caring about anything else in the world at that moment. All that mattered right here, right now was each other. A few moments into the moment of contentment was when Damien noticed how quiet his mind had finally gotten. He still didn’t feel quite ready to try speaking, he knew how delicate this stage was. Huxley did too, so his steady pace in Damien’s hair slowed to a stop as he moved one of his fingers to his mouth and tapped twice. The signal asking if he could speak or if that would be too much for Damien right now. Damien responded with a nod. 

“Is there anything I can do for you right now baby?” His tone was hushed as he looked at his boyfriend. Damien watched him for a moment, thinking over the options in his head. Eventually leaning his head back down on Huxley’s chest, and tapped the top of his head. Huxley smiled at the small gesture and put his fingers back in Damien’s hair, slowly returning back to his previous pattern. Damien let out a sigh of relief again, focusing on the hand in his hair. Safe. He knew he was safe in this moment, here with Huxley. Those feelings from before, his worry and fear that Huxley would leave him over this vanished with every comb through his hair. He was safe. Huxley wasn’t going anywhere and the rest of the world could wait. 

A face came into their blurry vision, that corrupt grin of his taunting them. Lovely could recognize his face anywhere. Adam.

“You’ve finally come back around to me bloodbag, i'm so excited to see you!”

His eyes crazed and staring down at them, that smile still haunting, his fangs sharper than they remembered. Staring up at him, the fear rushing through their veins, they recalled their powers. If they could just pull from the threads they’d become so used to they could get him off of them. They could sned the power of a fucking lightning strike through him, they just needed to move. Find the threads. More panic began rushing through them, they couldn’t find them. Everywhere they searched within themself they couldn’t find them. The strings tied so tightly to their core were missing. “Aw you look so confused.” his grip tightened on their arms bringing their attention back to the darkened eyes above them. “Focus on me, meat.” They couldn’t even feel Adam’s core, something that had taken them so long to get used to felt so off putting to suddenly be missing. Why couldn’t they feel any magic in the world? They spiraled even deeper, had they just made it all up in an attempt to escape this horrid reality? 

Their vision blurred even more as Adam’s cold hand gripped their face tightly pulling their attention towards him again. “I said pay attention to me”, his fangs sharp and intimidating. “Careful where that silly little mind of yours goes, I will drain you if you’re not fucking careful.” His threat was followed by a laugh that rang out against the walls, louder than it should’ve been. He let go of their cheeks and moved his mouth down towards their neck, his breath warm against them. 

Right as his fangs were about to pierce through the skin, the scenery changed. They were standing by the stage where they had once been waiting with those elemental boys for their medals. Vincent. They could see Vincent struggling against something. They were sprinting towards him before they even fully realized it, feet hitting the ground, breathing heavy, eyes fixed on him. Their voice cut short of yelling out to him as a creature stepped in front of them, knocking them to the ground. The blow knocked the wind out of them, a similar fear filled them again. A shade. They knew this creature, they remembered it from before. They were useless, their powers still nowhere to be found. They needed them now more than ever as the thing, the shade, stepped over top of them. The familiar life draining sensation hitting them hard. Wake up

The creature was knocked off of them as Vincent’s figure dropped down to them. Familiar. Safe. Vincent. Wake up

His hands wrapped around them and he pulled Lovely towards his chest. He was saying something but they couldn’t understand him. The world was blurry again. There was a distant ringing as they stared up at him, trying to focus. 

Wake up

Everything felt like it was spinning. They could feel those creatures swarming around them but they couldn’t feel any fear anymore. Everything felt so distant. They were closing in so tightly, the space growing darker and darker. 

“Lovely, please wake up.” Vincent’s voice shaking just the slightest bit as they came to. Their eyes opened, a pit in their stomach sitting low and deep. The sleep and panic leftover still plaguing their mind they reached out for their powers again. The familiar threads were tied just as tightly around their core as they remembered. Their eyes met Vincent’s, the worry much more obvious in his eyes than he’d made it seem with his voice. His eyes searched theirs, looking for answers, looking for a signal that they were okay. They exhaled a breath they hadn’t realized they were holding and looked down. “Nightmare?” his voice a soft whisper in the room the two of them shared. They nodded, Adam’s voice still ringing in their mind, the feel of the shade’s grip still sticking to their skin. 

“I’m sorry Lovely, is it something you want to talk about tonight or leave it for the morning?” His hand rested gently on their back, offering reassurance and safety with whatever option they chose. They shook their head and looked at him, meeting his warm eyes. Safe. They knew they could trust him with the answer, but they didn’t want to visualize it all again. Not tonight. 

“Of course. Whatever you need right now. Do you want to lay back down?” They nodded and hugged onto him as they laid back down, tucking their head into the crook of his neck. Safe. His arms wrapped securely around them, holding them close. “Do you need noise or something to distract you?” His voice vibrating into them from his chest. 

“Can I just listen to you for a while?” Their voice quiet as they spoke into his neck.

His entire body felt like it was about to rattle apart. Damien prided himself on being composed and not showing his nerves to others, but not with Huxley. Huxley always managed to know exactly what he was feeling at all times. He. What he was feeling. Damien stood there in his apartment going over the conversation plans in his head a hundred times. Going over how exactly he’d tell Huxley he’s trans, how he wants to change his pronouns officially to he/him and his name. A name he’d been toying around with for a few months in his head, even practicing the new signature a few times, but never out loud to anyone. He’d spent the past few years pondering over the idea but usually just ignored it and threw himself further into his studies. But recently, since Hux and him started dating, it’s been driving him crazy. It's taken him a lot to come to terms with it and if he was being honest with himself he was still working on that and getting used to it himself. He knew it felt right, this new name and set of pronouns but there was still that nerve surrounding it. But he wanted to tell Huxley, wanted to be open with him. And if Damien thought it through logically in his head, he knew Huxley wouldn’t be upset with him, hell he knew Huxley had fully transitioned a while ago himself. But there was still a part of him that worried it would change things, worried that Hux wouldn’t want to date him anymore, maybe he wouldn’t want to date a boy.

“Fuck.” His voice carried out quietly into his apartment as he swore to himself, attempting to stop the thoughts that were beginning to swirl around in his head. He took a deep breath in, eyes closed, and held it. Slowly he let it out, attempting to calm the nerves boiling at the surface. He nodded to himself once he finished the exhale and grabbed his keys and made his way to his car. He was going to do this, no matter what the cost was. He needed to be honest with Huxley, they both deserved that. 

Huxley was sitting on his couch awaiting his partner, a show playing on the tv when he heard the knock on his door and he took a second to turn the volume down. Damien stood outside Hux’s door, bouncing on his heels as he waited, still trying to predict how the conversation was going to go. It ended up feeling like hours before Damien heard Huxley’s footsteps approach the door. He inhaled and looked up at Huxley as the door opened.

“Hey there!” Hux’s warm smile greeted Damien as he held the door open. Damien stared at him, opening his mouth to say something and then closed it and chose to just smile up at his boyfriend instead. Huxley’s smile faltered just a bit at the action and stepped back from the door while holding it open for Damien. “You wanna come in?” His voice was soft and welcoming as he watched his partner. Damien cleared his throat and spoke up for the first time.

“Yeah, uh thanks Hux.” He smiled at his boyfriend and walked past into the room.

“Can I get you anything to drink or a snack, beautiful?” Damien inhaled at the name, holding together the reaction he had in his mind.

“Yeah um, just a water works.” After Hux’s agreement and he left the room to go to the kitchen, Damien set his keys down and made his way to the living room and sat himself in his usual spot on the couch. He breathed in the familiar scent of Huxley’s home, ignoring a small thought that it could be the last time he does if things went poorly. He was quick to shut that thought down as Huxley entered the room and handed the glass to him carefully before taking his own seat on the couch next to him.

“Is there something you had in mind for tonight baby?” Huxley’s eyes focused on Damien as he asked the question. Damien sat a little straighter with the attention now on him as he looked back at his partner, unable to hold eye contact for long before parting his lips to speak.

“I uh, I was just thinking we could talk” his voice kind of trailed off after the last word, preventing himself from saying everything he wanted to say right then and there. He sat there staring at the glass in his hand, willing everything in his body to not shake as he sat there next to Huxley.

“Talk? We can do that baby, is there” he paused as he readjusted for a moment, “is there something specific you want to talk about?” Damien was able to hear the slight hint of worry behind his partner’s voice as he continued staring down at his lap.

“No. I… Yes, I…” His voice broke off as he felt the frustration start to boil in him that he was so nervous over this. That he couldn’t just will himself into saying it. 

Huxley was careful about his next words as he dropped his tone into a quiet and safe volume for his partner.

“Baby, I can tell you’re stressin’ out about something, you know you can always talk to me. If it’s uh,” his voice paused as he thought through his next words again “If it’s somethin’ you feel comfortable talking about with me I’d be happy to hear it. I’m here for you baby.” Damien set the glass in his hands down on the coffee table in front of the couch before it started to boil in his hands. He heard what Huxley was saying and knew that they meant it when they said it but, still somehow he was still trying to rope in his nerves and calm himself. Huxley reached to the table and turned the volume down on the tv before settling down into his spot, draping the room in quiet. The only noise Damien could hear now was his own deep breathing, attempting to calm himself.

“Huxley, I.. I have something I want to tell you. And I don’t want this to change things but I know that it will and I don’t want you to feel some kind of… pressure, to I I don’t know.. Stay with me after this.” His voice got quiet again at the end of the sentence, almost waiting for Huxley’s response to that open.

“Okay, whatever you need to say, take your time.” Their tone was reassuring as they watched their partner patiently. The pounding in Damien’s chest only grew as he built up his nerves to finally let the words spill from his mouth. He took a long, deep breath in again and began.

“I… I’m trans Huxley.” He held his breath, eyes refusing to move from his lap, feeling like his heart was about to blow out of his chest as he waited for his boyfriend’s answer. He heard Huxley exhale a breath he hadn’t known he was holding in before he answered, a light tone to his voice like he was smiling.

“Alright, do you have a name picked out?” Damien’s gaze shot up, but not yet at Huxley after the question was asked. Already feeling the weight being lifted off of his shoulders. And he responded quietly, hardly loud enough for Huxley to hear.

“Damien.” The name felt right coming off of his lips as he glanced at Huxley to gauge his response.

“Alright Damien, what pronouns do you feel comfortable with?” Damien’s mind was quiet as he now stared at his partner, a small smile forming on his mouth. The name felt right coming off of Huxley’s lips too.“He him.” He said the words with a bit of pride this time. His gaze was greeted with a small laugh from his partner.

“Thank you for tellin’ me Damien. I know that shits not easy so thank you for trusting me with that. And I need you to know that that doesn’t change anything between us. I’ll always be happy to call you whatever you want as long as you're comfortable.” His smile was the big bright smile he had whenever he was excited, one that made Damien melt. Huxley held up his hands slightly before asking another question. “Can I give you a hug?” Damien nodded with a smile and moved himself into his arms.

“Sorry if I’m too hot at all, I… you know how I get when I get nervous like that.” He nuzzled his face into Huxley’s neck, breathing in his scent again as he held onto him, not realizing how much comfort this hug would bring him after that.

“Don’t worry Damien, I’m made of tough stuff, you know that.” The feel of his laugh against Damien’s body made every previously tense muscle loosen up. The sound of his name coming from Huxley made a sense of excitement and softness grow in his chest, it felt right. Huxley’s voice pulled Damien from his warm thoughts into another question.

“So then Damien, are there any names you don’t like?” Damien pulled himself away from Huxley a bit to look into their face.

“What do you mean?” His eyebrows drawn into a quizzical look.

“Like, can I still call you pretty?” Huxley’s eyes searched for a response as Damien practically melted into his boyfriend. A small giggle bubbling from his chest as he nuzzled back into him.

“Yeah, I would really like that Hux.” His voice was almost muffled by his face being buried in his boyfriend’s neck. Huxley’s arms gently wrapped around Damien, holding him in the warmth and safety of his arms. A small laugh rose from his chest as he began moving his hands up and down Damien’s back.

“Oh, so you like that one then? You like being called my pretty boy?” A whine emerged from Damien’s chest as he shifted closer to Huxley. And Huxley could feel a nod from his boyfriend in the crook of his neck. “Good to know then, pretty boy, I’ll keep it up.” There was a brief pause as Huxley stopped moving his hands up and down his partner. “Just so that this is out there bro, you can always come to me if you have any questions on the medical stuff with all this, I’ve got experience, you know that.” Damien nodded again, slower this time before his muffled voice came again.

“Thank you Hux. Thank you for being so supportive with all this.” His grip around Huxley tightened for a moment to emphasize his appreciation as Huxley spoke again.

“Of course Damien, I’ll always be here to support you with anything, always.” His tone was soft as he began rubbing at his back again.

Fuck fuck fuck. Where the hell could they be? The Freelancer hadn’t responded in hours. They’re just out with friends. Lasko had been repeating that sentence over and over to himself after ten minutes of them not responding, let alone hours after. 

The nerves started off as his usual, enough to be in the back of his mind but he was still able to focus on making himself dinner. Rather quickly it grew into him checking his phone repeatedly, even though he knew that his volume was as high as it could possibly go. The phone checking evolved into leg shaking and nail biting in a quiet empty house. They’re just out with friends. He didn’t have the appetite to eat his dinner anymore. He couldn’t handle just sitting there any longer and felt the need to pace, somehow hoping that it would make the time go faster, or maybe even somehow make the Freelancer check their phone faster. His dinner sat on the coffee table, far past cold, fork clanking against the plate everytime he paced past. Cold hands bringing his phone towards his line of sight, checking to make sure he hadn’t missed them somehow. 

He paced back and forth in their small, but cozy living room. Staring at his lockscreen, hoping for a notification from them to appear, he felt nauseous. Where the hell could they be? It’s almost one in the morning. They’re just out with friends. They have to be. What if something happened to them though? What if something bad happened to them? 

His whole body was shaking. He needed to sit down again, no matter how much his brain screamed at him to move. Why was it so damn cold in their apartment? A trembling hand lifted his phone up again, screen lighting up to show Lasko the picture of him and the Freelancer smiling at eachother. No new notifications. They’re just out with friends. 

Another ten minutes passed, Lasko was shaking too much to type a complete sentence at this point. He didn’t want to send another message and seem clingy or be some sort of helicopter boyfriend but fuck, where were they? 

His hand flew to his phone when his notification sound rang out into the silent yet somehow roaring room. It was just an email. Didn’t people know not to email him at a time like this? Of course they didn't. They’re not fucking mind readers. He knew he needed to calm down but how the hell do you calm down when they won’t answer you? Maybe he should call them. Lifting the phone that hung loosely in his hand, he unlocked it. 

Keys. He could hear keys? Keys! That’s a good sign! He stood from the couch, body still shivering from head to toe, and turned towards the door. It opened quickly, letting in the light from the hall outside which led him to realize he had really just sat in a dark, quiet apartment for more than two hours. There they were, standing in the doorway, staring into the dark apartment. 

They’re okay. They were just out with friends. And they’re home and they’re safe and they’re okay. They’re okay. The Freelancer calling his name, a pang of worry in their tone, snapped him out of his thoughts. 

“You’re okay.” Lasko practically whispered it, the shaking in his body still going strong as he stepped towards them. The Freelancer flicked the light on and closed the door behind themselves, not breaking their gaze on him once. He looped his arms around their waist, holding them close in an embrace far warmer than he was. Their arms found their way around his body, holding him closer, attempting to give him as much of their own heat as they could.

“...”

“I know, I just, it won’t stop, I'm just so cold and I was so worried and the shaking won’t stop and I’m sorry I was just scared something had happened to you and I I don’t know. I knew you were out with friends and and that’s okay! I just, you hadn’t answered and it had been so long and I was I was terrified something bad had happened to you and” Lasko stopped, a whimper escaping his lips as he tucked his head into their neck. Tears had found their way down his cheeks and onto their clothes. They held him tighter, stroking his back.

“...”