#angsty dolphin

“Not that you’re not pretty, Rei-chan, but you and I both know you gotta be at least a level twenty-three friend to unlock my unpicked flower garden.”

“Your euphemisms need work,” Rei commented.

“Excuse you, my euphemisms are perfect, and you’re deflecting,” Nagisa countered. “Why are you asking for an existential deflowering?”

“The usual,” Rei said with a shrug.

“Dude. You gotta ask them out already. This is getting hard to watch.”

“Right,” Rei said, rolling his eyes. “Because that’s the way to solve all my problems. Tell the two most beautiful men on the face of the fucking planet that I want nothing more than for one of them to suffocate me by sitting on my face while the other rails me into next week.”

“You wanna hold their hands and make them breakfast, don’t lie to me and pretend this is all sexual, Rei-chan,” Nagisa scolded.

“Feelings are disgusting,” Rei said.

“I mean, I’m not disagreeing with you there, Rei-chan. But it’s just gonna get worse if you keep this up!” Nagisa’s voice went sing-song, a clear sign to Rei that he was not getting out of this conversation unscathed.

“What do you want to make you drop this?” Rei groaned.

“You don’t really want to know.” Rei glared at him, and he put his hands up as though to calm Rei, though all it did was trigger a pavlovian rage. “I’ll drop this, if you go up to one of them right now and kiss them. Don’t care which one, just. Grow a pair and do it.”

Rei was about to tell Nagisa in no uncertain terms that he already had a pair, thank you very much, when he was interrupted by the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. It was not uncommon to hear Nitori-kun laughing. He giggled as easily as Rin-san cried. Usually it was accompanied by a smirk or even occasionally a snort from Haruka-senpai. But this time?

Oh, this time.

Haruka-senpai’s head was thrown back, his eyes scrunched shut, and music incarnate was pouring from his lips, babbling like water from a Roman fountain. Rei’s mind went blank in the center and fuzzy around the edges. He knew Nagisa was smirking at him, but he couldn’t focus on anything other than the universe dawning from Haruka-senpai’s mouth.

“Fuck,” Rei whispered. Nagisa snorted.

“You got it so bad,” he said.

“Yeah,” Rei agreed.

“So, what’re you gonna do about it?”

Rei saw it all laid out before him, the two paths diverging. One leading toward some fairy-land nonsense where all his dreams came true, and the other rooted in harsh reality. He didn’t bother answering Nagisa. They both knew he would do nothing about it.

Nagisa watched him, watched the doors shut in his eyes, watched him strengthen his resolve to live his life pathetic and unloved. He rolled his eyes and cupped his hands around his mouth, then shouted, “Ai-chan! Haru-chan! Put me out of my misery already!”

“What do we get out of it?” Nitori-kun hollered back.

“A gorgeous hunk of man?” Nagisa answered. “Or, well, another gorgeous hunk of man?”

Nitori-kun shrugged, said, “Mkay,” and sauntered up to Rei. Rei’s life flashed before his eyes, a series of images of his worst mistakes and most mundane triumphs. He knew his face remained utterly passive as Nitori-kun approached, planted his hands on Rei’s shoulders, and leaned in slowly. He bypassed Rei’s lips to brush his own against Rei’s ear, whispering, “Consent is sexy, Ryuugazaki-kun. Is this how you want to do this?”

“Yes.” It was a thready, breathy thing, barely there at all, but Nitori-kun heard it. He pulled back to smile at Rei, his eyes swirling with something as unnameable as it was utterly familiar. He leaned in slowly, slowly enough to give Rei time to back out, to lose the game of chicken they were apparently playing. Then Nitori-kun’s lips quirked, and then they were pressed to Rei’s.

As kisses in reality went, it was probably pretty damn average. But as kisses in Rei’s life went, this one? This one was magic. This one was fireworks and fireflies and everything that first kisses were supposed to be. And then it was ending, Rei letting out a soft whine and trying to follow Nitori-kun’s lips as they pulled away from his. Nitori-kun breathed a gentle giggle and rested his forehead against Rei’s.

“Hi,” he whispered.

“Hello,” Rei replied. Nitori-kun’s eyes were full of laughter, and light, and maybe something else, maybe something that Rei had only ever seen directed at Haruka-senpai, because he had never let himself look for it directed at him. Never let himself imagine, because his daydreams would destroy him.

A pissy huff drew Rei out of the bubble that had formed around the two of them and he looked over Nitori-kun’s shoulder at Haruka-senpai, standing with his arms crossed and his lips pouted.

“Ai,” he growled, and Rei’s blood went cold.

“Fuck off, Haru, I told you I had dibs.” Nitori-kun didn’t pull away from Rei to say it, still staring into Rei’s eyes. “You can have the next one. If he wants it.”

There was a question there, a question that Rei wanted nothing more than to answer in the affirmative. But all he could say, all his scrambled brain would let out was a distressed little, “Fuck.”

“Not yet, beautiful, but we’ll get there someday,” Nitori-kun said, giggling again. He pulled away from Rei at last, just enough to clamber into Rei’s lap and nuzzle his head against his shoulder. One hand reached out behind him and with a huff and a roll of his eyes, Haruka-senpai strolled over. He took Nitori-kun’s hand and settled in beside Rei, leaning against the shoulder not occupied. Rei closed his eyes against the onslaught of emotion welling up in him.

“Hey,” Haruka-senpai said, bumping his shoulder more firmly against Rei’s. “You good?”

Rei clutched a little harder at Nitori-kun’s back until Haruka-senpai reached out and claimed one of his hands for his own. He breathed, and it seemed all he could manage to do just then. Then, against all sense, against all knowledge that this couldn’t possibly be real, he relaxed. A snort burst out of him, and it was a breaking of the dam that held back the hysterics. By the time he realized what was happening, the laughter was mingled with tears.

“Sweetheart,” Nitori-kun said, but whatever he was going to say after that was lost in the frantic way Rei leaned up to slam their lips together again. Nitori-kun made a confused noise, but relaxed into the movements of the kiss, one hand threading through Rei’s hair. Rei pulled back only when he heard the petulant whine coming from Haruka-senpai, laughing still in little fits and stops. He turned his head, ready to say something snarky and probably profane, only to have it cut off by Haruka-senpai taking his turn.

“Finally,” Haruka-senpai said, still sounding petulant, but he was smiling. Rei found he rather liked that smile, would like to see it some more.

“You know you could have kissed me literally any time from the day we met, right?” Rei laughed. Haruka-senpai said nothing, only pouted deeper when Nitori-kun started giggling. “That goes for you too, you know,” Rei said, jostling his legs to bounce Nitori-kun a bit off-balance.

“You say that, but had I done that any earlier, you would have run,” Nitori-kun replied.

“Well,” Rei said with a shrug, “I’m not running now.”

“No,” Nitori-kun agreed. “You’re not.”

“Then why does he keep me hidden away?” Rin whined. Haru stood up with a groan and left the room. “Oi! Haru, what the fuck?” Rin shouted. Haru didn’t answer, but he did return a few minutes later with Makoto in tow.

Makoto sat on the floor with his back to Haru’s desk, facing Rin on the bed. He looked to Haru, who nodded.

“I never told you this, agreed?” he asked. Rin rolled over to look at him, and nodded. Makoto sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “The reason Sousuke hasn’t introduced you to any of his new college friends is because he doesn’t have any.”

“But he told me-“

“He lied, Rin,” Makoto interrupted. He sighed heavily and slumped back against the desk. “He didn’t want you to worry,” he said. “He’s not alone, don’t worry about that. He spends time with the two of us, and with Gou, and Kisumi, and he does know people at school, and at his job, but he doesn’t really have other… friends.” Rin stared at Makoto, his brow furrowing.

“Why wouldn’t he just tell me that?” Rin asked. “He knows he can tell me anything.”

“Because if he had, you’d have come back here by now,” Haru said. Rin glanced over at him, ready to be amazed, but no. Haru was staring at the same waterfall magazine he had been thumbing through for the past several hours.

“Haru’s right, Rin. If you were worried about him, nothing would have stopped you from giving up your dream and coming back here, and that’s the last thing Sousuke wants.” Makoto gave him a sad, soft smile and leaned back on his hands. “Please tell me you’re at least aware of that.”

Rin stuck his tongue out at Makoto and flopped back on the bed.

Later that night, when he lay in bed with Sousuke’s arms around him, he thought over what Makoto and Haru had said to him that day.

“What are you thinking about?” Sousuke grumbled, tightening his arms around Rin.

“Just something Haru said today,” he answered. Sousuke hummed.

“Do I have to ask?” Sousuke prompted.

Rin grinned to himself. “Do you really brag about me to old ladies on the subway?” he asked. Sousuke let go of him immediately and rolled over with a groan. Rin flipped onto his stomach and eyed him. “Really?” he prodded. “Can I see the picture?”

Sometimes, Rin wondered why he never got jealous. He wondered if there was something wrong with him when he would see Makoto and Haru curled up together on the couch, or holding hands in the street. The two of them were so intrinsically connected, it had been a marvel that Rin had ever managed to date Makoto in the first place. He supposed that must have been a part of it; Haru and Makoto were meant to be together, like their nature was two halves of one whole.

He should have wondered where that whole left him, but the feeling never hit. Even when Rin and Makoto got together and he would walk in on them splayed all over one another in a patch of sunlight, the sight had made Rin’s chest swell with fondness rather than envy. That day he had shucked his jacket and shoes and joined them in the heap, wondering if he was betraying Makoto with how much he had enjoyed the feeling of Haru’s leg pressed against him.

“Rin? Riiiin? Rin!” Rin snapped out of his thoughts to find Makoto’s face inches in front of his own. “You okay, Rin?” he asked. “You weren’t answering me.”

“Sorry, Mako,” Rin said, scrubbing a hand across his eyes. “Just lost in thought.” Makoto’s face softened into one of those magical smiles that were only for Rin and Haru. He rose from his crouch, only to drop onto the couch beside Rin with his head on Rin’s shoulder.

“What were you thinking about?” he asked.

“Just stuff,” he answered. Makoto hummed, clearly not satisfied but willing to let the issue rest. It was one of the things he truly loved about Makoto.

“I think Haru’s going to be home soon,” he said. “What time do you have to be back at school?”

“Curfew’s at eleven,” Rin answered, stretching his arms above his head. “I want to be back a bit early, though. Morning practice.” Makoto nodded and snuggled a little closer to Rin.

Rin’s stomach and chest filled with a golden warmth at the gesture. Makoto hummed softly for a moment, then broke the silence.

“I’m worried,” he said.

“About what?” asked Rin, suddenly on high alert.

“It’s not really easy to explain,” Makoto started. “It’s almost like this is going too well? I guess I’m worried that something’s- not wrong, exactly, but that we’re missing something.” He huffed out a sigh and looked at the floor. “Sorry, it’s pretty dumb, I know.”

“No,” Rin argued. “No, I feel that way too sometimes.” Makoto looked up at him, green eyes shining.

“You do?” he whispered. Rin nodded.

“Yeah, I do. I talked to some people online about it, in this chat room for people in polyamorous relationships.” Makoto blushed at that, and Rin had to keep from tackling his adorable boyfriend. “It’s not uncommon to have a honeymoon phase, apparently.” Rin’s voice grew quieter as he continued. “It’s going to be bad some of the time, though. Whether we like it or not, there are going to be fights eventually.” Makoto’s arms tightened around him, and he remembered why he had brought this up in the first place. “But, Mako, that just makes what we have now all the more important.”

“Rin’s right.” Makoto and Rin both jumped and turned on the couch to see Haru, setting a bag on the counter and pulling his shoes off.

“Haru!” Makoto squeaked. “I didn’t hear you come in!” Makoto’s voice was excited and affectionate, like it belonged to a puppy who couldn’t get over how great it was that Haru was home, like it always was. Haru blinked in greeting and turned to put his groceries away. Makoto hurried over to help.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Yamazaki?” Haru snapped, but he did move aside to allow Sousuke into his house. Sousuke shouldered his way past him and plopped down at the table in the living room.

“Got any tea?” Sousuke asked. Haru stared at him for a moment, baffled. Before he could fully comprehend what was happening, he found himself moving into the kitchen and filling the kettle. He glared at the wall separating him from the living room even as he gathered the tea set and arranged it on a tray. He brought it out to the living room and set it on the table in front of Sousuke, folding his legs under him and staring. Sousuke poured himself a cup and looked around the room, seeming for all the world as though it were perfectly normal for him to show up on the doorstep of his hated rival and demand tea. Haru watched Sousuke drink in utter silence. Sousuke finished his tea, stood up, and left without a word.

Haru sat with himself for a moment, then stood and walked down the stairs to Makoto’s house.  He knocked once on the front door, then let himself in.

“Ah, Haru-chan!” Makoto said, starting up from his place at the living room table. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Yamazaki just came over,” Haru said. He moved to sit across from Makoto and grabbed one of the oranges on the table.

“What?” Makoto said. “What happened?”

Haru shrugged. “He just drank tea and then left.”

“Weird,” Makoto mumbled, turning back to his homework. Haru nodded and set to peeling his orange. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Makoto growing more and more frustrated and Haru laughing internally.

“Break time?” he asked, just before Makoto would have thrown his English book across the room.

“Yes,” Makoto snarled. Haru smiled at him and stood. He grabbed Makoto by the shoulders and puled him to his feet.

“Come on,” he said. “If you promise not to start any fires, I’ll teach you how to fry an egg.”

“I make no promises,” Makoto muttered. Haru snorted under his breath, but checked to make sure the fire extinguisher was in its cradle nonetheless.

“I’m thinking of telling Nanase.” Rin dropped his pencil, turned slowly in his desk chair, and stared at his best friend who lay sprawled on the bottom bunk as if he hadn’t a care in the world.

“I can’t even begin to tell you how much of a bad idea that is,” Rin said. “Besides, I thought you hated Haru?” Sousuke glanced at him, then went back to staring at the bottom of the top bunk.

“I don’t hate him,” Sousuke said. “I don’t even dislike him.”

Rin stared. “Okay… But there’s still a big difference between I-don’t-even-dislike-him and I’m-going-to-tel-him-my-deepest-darkest-secret-that-I’ve-only-ever-told-Rin-and-Gou. Where the hell is this coming from?” Sousuke sighed, and something in that sigh had Rin moving to sit beside him on the bed. “Sou, please tell me what’s up. You know I care about you. If it were anything else, I’d tell you there’s no one better than Haru, but this is your life we’re talking about. I don’t want to see what could happen if he overreacts.”

“Is it crazy to say that I trust him?” Sousuke said after a moment. Rin watched his face, but his expression gave nothing away.

“Can you explain why you trust him?” Rin asked.

Sousuke looked up at him steadily, like he was trying to read Rin. “No,” he said at last. “I just do. It feels like, I don’t know, instinct or something.” Rin nodded, looking down. “Doesn’t mean I trust you any less,” Sousuke added. “That’s why I’m asking you. As one of the only two people who know, can Nanase be trusted with this?” Rin stared long and hard at his friend.

“I honestly don’t know,” he said. “Just promise me one thing?” Sousuke nodded. “Don’t tell him right now. The cycle’s over in a few days, and he needs time to prepare if he’s going to be there for one.” Sousuke nodded again, looking away. They both pretended there wasn’t a tone of bitterness to Rin’s voice. “’Sides, we all know your decision making sucks right before your period.” Rin laughed as Sousuke shoved him out of the bed.

That night, Sousuke dreamed of blue eyes and thorns pulling at his skin and a deep, abiding hunger. He woke in a cold sweat and shoved a pillow over his face to keep Rin from hearing his sobs and wake up. His skin was tingling, itching for him to get up and move, but a twinge in his shoulder reminded him just how well that had worked out in the past. He sighed heavily and levered himself out of bed and lay on the floor on his back. Sit-ups. Sit-ups were good. They didn’t put too much strain on any part of his body, and he could do a lot of them and keep going. Hopefully, he mused as he rounded his second hundred, it would be enough to send him back to sleep for at least one more night. He paused to look at Rin’s sleeping form and sighed.