#angsty blurb

They were all so wrong about Eddie Munson. Because beneath the rugged, edgy persona he likes to put on every day (spewing his ‘Abolish-The-Status-Quo’ Manifesto atop an unsteady table in the cafeteria) lies a woman-worshipping gentleman, a soft, romantic, misunderstood love-sick puppy who would do just about anything to know you like the back of his hand.

Your dream boy.

"No one ever wants to date the nice guy," Eddie would say to you, alluding to himself. You’d constantly deny his claim. “But the jocks? The rabbits in band? The chess club dweebs? Oh yeah, without a doubt. Anyone but the freak."

It all made you think Eddie was created perfectly for you. That there was some sort of invisible string in the halls of Hawkins High, waiting for just the right moment to pull you two together. And when you two kissed that one day after detention, his hands snaked gently around your waist behind the rusty, faded bleachers out by the stadium, it felt like a match made in heaven.

“You gonna be my girl?” Eddie grinned into you, stroking your cheek, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. “Mine and mine only?”

“Yours,” you whispered breathlessly to him before reeling him in for another blissful peck.

And soon, lonely afternoons in study hall turned into D&D campaigns with him and his friends. Mundane weekend errands turned into fishing trips with him and Wayne. And soon quiet, anxious car rides became karaoke and head-banging sessions. Once aimless and confused, lost in the melody of life, suddenly all the love songs were about Eddie. You finally found the one.

It all leads you to believe your friends were just jealous of you. True friends would be over the moon.

This afternoon you had a surprise for Eddie. Just last week, you lost your virginity to him and were still swooning over how caring and tender he was with you. Surely, that is the bare minimum for a guy, but the bare minimum is so hard to come by nowadays. Cookies for Discord night with his friends was the least you can do to show how much you appreciate your boyfriend.

After extracurriculars, you rush home to get the oven going, throwing down in the kitchen to make the best snickerdoodles Eddie will ever have. And after one last look in the mirror, fixing your flirty skirt and your plump glossy lips, you set off to Forrest Hills Trailer Park.

Eddie has his headset on so he doesn’t hear your multiple knocks at the door. You knew he would be home though, dude’s got nowhere else to be on a Friday night. Eventually, you decide to hobble out back, looking through one of the windows by the kitchen that he always cracked open just so he doesn’t hotbox the place.

“I’m right behind you, right behind you!” Eddie warns his friends as he nears them in the game. “Gonna need some backup from Gareth the Great.”

Since he’s focused on his electronics, you decide to shoot him a text message. Hopefully then he’ll come to the door.

Hi baby 💕 I brought you some homemade snickerdoodles :)

You can’t help but smile when you hear your custom text-tone go off. But, to your surprise, you watch as Eddie turns a blind eye, chucking his phone onto the nearby couch instead of answering your text.

What the fuck?

"Ugh. She's texting me again," your boyfriend grumbles to the boys as he proceeds with the game. "She's kinda annoying, to be honest. Gonna wait a while before I respond.”

You can’t believe what you’re hearing. Pressing your ear against the mesh blinds that separated you two from each other, you decide to listen in for a while longer.

“Don’t you think you’re stringing her along, Eds?”

Yeah, don’t you think? you think to yourself.

“Yeah, but… free pink,” Eddie sneers with a tsk and shrug. “However I want, whenever I want. She just makes it so easy.”

Eddie then starts to spill the details of taking your virginity, about how you were “chimping out” underneath him on his couch while Wayne was sleeping. What was a sacred ordeal to you was made to sound like a cheap, subpar experience to Eddie. His commentary sends the boys into a spiral, fits of hooting and hollering like it was the best stand-up bit they’ve heard in a long time. Resentment simmers within you. This can’t be the same boy.

“How’d you get a pretty girl like that anyway?” comes another voice in the call.

“Pretty fucking easy,” Eddie scoffs. “You just tell her exactly what she wants to hear. Just say what she says right back to her and the panties come right off. She’ll think you’re soulmates.”

The room erupts with virtual laughter, followed by obnoxious sound effects that the app enables users to send to one another. Your stomach begins to twist, the forbidden cookie dough you ingested just an hour prior threatening to make its way back up.

“HAHAHA,” someone in the chat cackles. “Eds will do anything for that roast beef.”

“I’ve always been keen on them deli meats. Am I right, boys?”

The snickering commences again. Eddie thanks the Discord guys as they extol him in compliments, encouraging him to write a playbook on how to get a proper lay. Eddie ends up shutting down the idea. But not because he thinks it’s fucked. No. It’s because he claims he doesn’t “have to try” and that you just “put out” at the drop of a hat.

The tray of Eddie’s undeserved cookies shakes in your hands as your body begins to tremble. You’re going to be sick. And just when you think it can’t get anymore twisted, it does.

“Hey, what do you think about that girl from math class with the fat ass?”

“Harmony?”

“Yeah.”

“God if she’s into me too I’d dump my girl in a heartbeat,” Eddie swoons.

Of course he’d gawk over Harmony. Outside of Tammy Thompson and Chrissy Cunningham, Harmony Heathers was next up to bat for the Queen of Hawkins High.

“She’s got fucking beanbags where her ass should be. I’d do just about anything for her.”

“And her.”

“Yeah and I’d do her.”

"I'd do her too," Eddie admits.

That’s enough.

You’ve heard enough to know that Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson was just like the rest. Throwing the snickerdoodle cookies you made for him into the trash, you sprint back to your car and set off for your house, music blaring the entirety of the commute.

My friends call me a loser 'Cause I'm still hanging around

I've heard so many rumors That I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch

You slam the door to your room the moment you get home. And before stripping down and hopping into the safety of a warm shower, you send Eddie one last text.

Actually, you know what? It’s over. Don’t talk to me ever again.

Washing the grossness off of you was the only way you felt you could feel okay.

You wanted the remnants of Eddie OFF of your body. Hysterically sobbing, you attempt scrub off all the dead skin on your body with a loofah. Frustrated tears roll down your face.

I thought you thought of me better, Someone you couldn't lose

You wanted all the dead cells off of you. You wanted a new body. You wanted a new life.

And you couldn’t wait to grow newer, thicker skin. A new shell of you. It will be skin that Eddie can never say he touched.

You said, "We're not together" So now when we kiss,

Fuck Eddie Munson.

I have anger issues

usually when your friends tease you, it hurts, but you can easily brush it off and go on about your day, but today you were feeling extra sensitive to the situation for some reason. 

you were all over at niall’s house for a little grill out. everyone was spread out around the back porch, snacking and chatting amongst themselves while mully worked the grill. you and niall sat closely on the love seat, giggling about something he had shown you on his phone.

“my god, just kiss her already!” 

“gerry, fuck off,” he giggled, “‘s not gonna happen” 

you tried to laugh it off, but just couldn’t. your chest tightened and you could feel the tears threatening to spill from your eyes and that’s when you broke. the sound of everyone's laughs killed you because you wanted to kiss him. you wanted to kiss him so bad, and his words felt like a jab to your heart and you just couldn’t take it anymore. you stood up and stormed inside, feeling like the room was closing around you. you were embarrassed at your actions, definitely. it looked so dumb to everyone else, but to you, it was much deeper than a friend teasing you. 

you went straight to the closest room and shut the door behind you, locking it and face planting onto the bed, letting your tears fall free. you just wanted to hide and never see a human face ever again; especially not any of them. 

it wasn’t long until you heard the doorhandle jingle and niall’s voice ring behind it, “y/n open the door.” you stayed silent, hoping that maybe after a couple tries to get you to open up, he’d walk away and give you some space, but he didn’t so you eventually had to get up and unlock the door for him. you came face to face with him, his eyes locking with your bloodshot red, teary ones. you immediately sat back against the headboard of the bed, keeping your head low as niall closed the door behind him and sat next to you at the edge of the bed, “y/n what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“if you’ve come t’ yell at me, just leave” your voice was hoarse and vulnerable and it made him feel bad for coming on so strong

his voice softened when he replied with “right, i’m sorry. what’s wrong though?”

you shook your head, “nothing, it’s dumb” 

“it’s not if it’s gotcha this upset” 

“niall stop” 

“y/n no, tell me what’s wrong. dis shit usually never bothers you, ya just laugh it off, what happened?”

“oh my god,” you hummed to yourself, not being able to keep the next few words in your throat, “’cause niall, i love you!”

he was speechless

“i love you so much and it fucking sucks t’ hear that shit all. the fucking. time. yeah, i laugh it off ‘cause i don’t want anyone t’ know how I feel ‘cause it’s fucking humiliating and when they all joke about that stuff, it makes me wanna die inside ‘cause i want it all to be real so bad, i wanna kiss you and hold you and call you my boyfriend, fuck i don’t - i don’t even know and it sucks ‘cause I know none of it’s ever gonna happen and i just fucking broke ‘cause i can’t take it anymore” 

you’re practically sobbing as you pour your heart out to him and he is silent on the other end, not knowing what to do, “shit, y/n, i don’t even know what t’ say” 

“just don’t say anything”

the awkward silence was killing you because you knew what he was thinking and you didn’t want him to confirm it with his words. you just wanted him to leave. you wanted to crawl up in a ball under your covers and stay there forever.

“niall, just please go, just leave me alone right now” 

“y/n”

“niall go!”

Grief is prominent the next days in your house. It seeps through every corner, lingers behind your backs, always watching, always there. The aftermath of the mission hits both of you and though Ben is undoubtedly more affected by it, Tom’s death tears your heart apart just much. It’s not the first time Benny returns home from a war zone, physically and mentally, you’ve been there before as a couple, but this time it’s inevitably different - and much more complicated to work through.

Ben’s quiet in the week that follows, eyes often gazing out the window, lost in thought, and you have a harder time keeping him in the present with you. Though he’s calm at home, rage seems to be much more present whenever he’s at the gym, throwing himself into another workout to a point where he gets kicked out until his attitude changes. There’s a restlessness to Benny that he can’t seem to shake and you wake up more than one time to an empty bed just to find him in a dark living room, sitting at the window. It’s one of those nights where he tells you the whole story of what happened, pausing in between, trying to force the words out and hoping once he’s said them, the memories will leave him alone. It’s a time of grieving, a dark quiet time that takes from both of you - until it’s Tom’s funeral.

Neither Ben nor Will are officially invited but they still meet at the cemetery, standing just far enough that they can still see the casket being lowered into the ground and not be spotted by the crowd of friends and relatives. Will has his arm around his brother and though neither of them get to say goodbye with the rest of Tom’s family, it does help a little bit just to be there.

Benny lays his hope on time, really. Time and you. It’s the two things that he knows will get him through this and it mends a broken part in him every time he gets to take a look at you, your presence not only calming but soothing for him.  

He doesn’t talk about the events after the funeral again. Benny isn’t shying away from his feelings but he’s felt them already and he’s not one to dig deeper than he has to. And you don’t push, knowing better than to try and force him into a topic that he rather wants to leave settled. See, you trust Benny enough to make his own decisions regarding his feelings with his military life because at the end of the day you have to. It’s not something you’ll ever know like he does, never something you ever want to know that intimate way so you become the crutch at home. You’re his anchor, representing everything about home that he loves and holds close to his heart.

In the end, time is the only thing that lessens the pain. Weeks, months, even years from now Ben will still feel a pang of mixed emotions thinking about Tom - Pain, regret, anger. Guilt. But it’ll be a little less every time it happens, hitting him a not as hard as the last one and being a little easier to swallow. It’s nothing he can control - only the time in between it happens but Ben knows it’ll get better. He trusts time.

He went on stage and played the show - almost. He looked like a shell of a man, yet none of the other bandmembers had actually seemed to notice. Finally, the show was over and the stumbled off stage and to the backstage area where you were waiting for them alongside Veronica and Mary.

Brian handed his precious guitar to a Roadie and as he took his first step towards you his knees bucked, and he collapsed on to the ground with a strained grunt. He almost looked dead. Like a lifeless doll that had been thrown from high above, his legs were bend and almost underneath him. He was laying on his stomach with his arms underneath his chest, as if he had tried to break the fall and his head was turned to the side, but his face was covered by his big fluffy curls.

“BRIAN!” you screamed in a way that made your voice crack and attract the attention of everyone around you.

You ran over and threw yourself on your knees next to him, quickly grabbing his head. He seemed slightly awake, yet he didn’t respond to anything.

“Brian, please” you started to sob as you shook his head lightly. He didn’t respond. He didn’t even open his eyes.

“We have to do something!” you heard Roger say, quickly commanding a few people around in an effort to actually get something productive done.

“Wake up, please” you wept into Brian’s hair before you felt a pair of hands on your shoulder.

“Hey.. We have to get him up from the ground” One of their crew members were talking and you didn’t want to hear a word about it. But he was probably right. You let go of Brian’s head, knowing that you weren’t strong enough to pull him up.

A few of the men around you got him up from the floor and that seemed to wake him up a little, but not as much as you had wanted.

After a few moments of talking back and forth you figured out that you had to have him flown back to London right away and get him to a doctor. You simply couldn’t afford any medical treatment here. In your opinion the flight back to London was too long and you were so worried about him you could barely stop crying even though the other guys - and girls, for that matter - tried their hardest to calm you down. Nothing really seemed to work - what if you lost him?

You finally got him into a hospital, and it didn’t take the doctors long to find out that Brian had gotten hepatitis and it seemed to be a miracle that he had been going on for so long before he finally collapsed.

Now here you were in a hospital room with your boyfriend asleep in a small hospital bed. The yellow colour was starting to subside, making him look a little more human. At this point you knew he was going to be fine and the doctors had assured you that it wouldn’t turn into a chronic disease and even with all these seemingly calming words you couldn’t stop crying. The mere thought of losing Brian had scared you so bad you felt like you were still in some state of chock.

You were sitting in a chair next to his bed, mindlessly flipping through magazines and newspapers but not really reading anything. You threw the paper back on the table and gently caressed Brian’s hand before slightly grabbing onto it and squeezing it. Your eyes were still swollen and red from all the crying and every time you thought about how much you had already cried - you started to cry a little more. So here you were, alone with your sick and sleeping boyfriend, holding his hand and silently crying while just watching him and waiting for him to wake up.

You felt a little rustle from the bed and soft sounds started to emerge from Brian’s mouth.

“Are you waking up, baby?” you softly asked, gently pushing his unruly curls out of his face. Your voice was horribly raw and strained from all the crying.

“Mm..”

That was the first almost-word he had spoken in almost a whole day.

“I was so scared” your voice was shaking at this point, which seemed to make Brian wake up a little quicker.

“Hey.. Hey.. Baby are you okay?” he asked, impressively enough his voice almost sounded smooth as ever, though a little rough from the sleeping.

You couldn’t help but smile a little. This huge dork just had a near-death experience and he had the audacity to ask you if you were okay.

“I’m scared Brian. Terrified out of my actual mind that I might lose you.” You confessed, rising from your chair and gently pushing Brian’s legs to the side so you could sit down in the bed with him.

“I’m not going anywhere baby, you know that” he tried to joke but you could spot the fear in his eyes too.

“You almost were going somewhere. First the gangrene almost costing you your arm and now hepatitis? Not only are you going to be the death of yourself - you’re going to be the death of me too!” you almost scolded.

He squeezed your hand a little tighter and pulled you down, so he could kiss you.

“I’m so sorry baby. I’m not doing it on purpose, I promise” he whispered against your mouth.

“I know.. I know. Just promise me you’ll go to the doctor the next time you start feeling ill?” your tone of voice was pleading.

He nodded silently and gave you another kiss.

“Thank you.. I couldn’t.. I don’t want to live without you Brian so you’re going to have to promise me that you won’t clock out early on me”

He chuckled a little, but it was very clear to you that he understood the seriousness of the situation.

“I love you so much” you whispered against his lips before kissing him softly.

“I love you too - thank you for taking care of me” he replied and kissed you back.

“No more sickness now, okay?”

“Okay!”