#angsttwd

fem reader x carl grimes

WARNINGS: main character death, spouse loss, angst, grief, implications of depression,

impatiently she waited, well in her mind it had felt like years, when in reality it had only been months since she watched Glenn die.

Now she was waiting for a letter from Carl,

she waited for a letter that explained what was happening in Alexandria while she was staying at Hilltop.

everyday felt like hell without any word from Carl, and with the war still going on nobody from Alexandria ever visited Hilltop.

Unless it was necessary, unless they needed supplies or even people to fight with them.

And even then Hilltop hadn't had that much to offer as their own food source and weapon source began to grow smaller and smaller.

Y/n rested on her knees her hands wearing gloves as she gently placed in the last tomato plant into the garden bed Maggie had created.

Once covered with soil she slipped off her gloves and used a watering container to drizzle water over the plants in hope they grow full and healthy with fresh vegetables for them to eat.

she could hear the guards yell a signal to open the gates to which she rushed and stood just at the opening watching as people from Alexandria started to fill in.

Rick, Daryl, Rosita and Tara all there with nothing but false expressions trying to hide the fact they had just lost another person.

Without a doubt y/n wrapped her arms around Daryl and she could sense something was off, not just by the lack of the hug back but from the way he hadn't said anything to her.

the gates shut behind them and they had stepped foot into hilltops territory, Rick had looked down at his shoes after seeing Maggie approaching to see what news there was.

Carol and Morgan gathered behind her and other members of hilltop stopped their job to look at the leader Rick Grimes in front of them.

"what's happening?" Carol asked and could see as Daryl made an eye contact with her, a sad one, one that was swallowing back sadness.

"Carls dead" the words from ricks mouth struck her like lightning, her eyes widened and everything in her body seemed to freeze.

her knees dropped to the ground and it felt like the world had stopped, her vision blurred and her lungs collapsing inside her.

Maggie had wrapped her arms around her, because she understood the pain, the pain of losing someone without even a goodbye.

-

Now she hadn't eaten anything in days, nothing except small sips of water to keep her mouth from running unbearably dry.

she sat at the guard tower day and night, she was ignoring the fact she needed sleep.

a gun was rested in her holster as she desperately waited for something, anything to come by the gates of Alexandria.

now that Carl was gone what was the meaning of this god forsaken place? Was one dead boy really going to stop a war?

she had been transported to Alexandria by Maggie and Jesus in hopes that she would maybe be able to properly mourn.

because it was carls body buried on that land, he was buried right next to where all the others were, where they all rested peacefully.

but she hadn't visited his grave, no matter how much she wanted to face the reality that he was gone it was all just to much.

She could feel a palm press against her shoulder blade and it had made her jump a little.

"relax kiddo it's me" Daryl spoke and could see as she let out a relived breath, she took a seat on the railing and watched him do the same.

"you shouldn't be up here all the time" Daryl spoke and could see as she shrugged,

and just as he was about to speak again he heard giggles coming from just below them.

they peaked their head down to see Judith who was running out of the house, her blonde hair bouncing around in her face.

y/n had climbed down the ladder to grab her before she had gotten to far from Michonne or ricks reach,

Holding her in her arms and seeing her smile had made her start to quiver a little,

she had a sad and soft expression as she looked at the joyful child who had no clue what was happening except that she was running.

Not from something or a monster she was running because she was a gleeful child, who was simply trying to play like every child should. 

she only imagined what the future would be like without Carl, birthdays and holidays would go by as his and Judith's hand print on the front porch would soon start to wither away from the rain and all sorts of weather that had occured.

she would spend her nights alone and when in doubt of making the right decision she had no one to guide her, no one to settle her emotions when they were all torn up into shreds. 

she never understood why carl was so nice of heart, why he was so willing to let a stranger come into their home, he gave him food and water and yet he was still re-paid from the world with a walker bite, one that couldn't be cured or amputated. 

there was nothing he could do but turn into rotting flesh, turn into one of those monsters. 

everyone else in the community could sense her ache as they walked past, as they could see the lack of sleep and the pity that always seemed to linger in her eyes after he died. 

especially Daryl, he could see how she sat at his grave for hours at a time flipping through his old comic books or just staring blankly at it almost like she was thinking and yet he knew exactly what was in her thoughts because he had the same ones.

the same ones of if he had made the right choice would Glenn be alive? if he hadn't let his temper escape him what would've happened? 

she couldn't help herself but think if she'd stayed in Alexandria with him maybe she could've prevented the bite, prevented all the ache the rotting corpses caused to their family.

maybe he'd still be alive right here and now and standing up for what he believed in. 

she sat at the foot of her grave as Judith played with a stuffed toy in her lap, y/n could feel her heart ache a little at the fact of the child's innocence how sweet she was and how the world truly didn't deserve her or her brother. 

but in the end she still had all the memories and rememberance of the sweet words he used to say, the comic books he left by her bedside and oh, the crafted necklace he made her.