@chaos-company
Angst April Day 1- Liar
Read on ao3
999 words! A long boy (for me.)
Pink Diamond knew she was a liar long before she ever became Rose Quartz. All the diamonds were, in their own ways.
White was the one that first taught her how to lie. It was necessary, she said, to be a contributing member of the gem empire. Every member needs to be perfect, or as close to it as possible. Starlight, she said, you are far too honest about imperfection. You draw it out wherever you go.
Pink wasnât sure what she meant at the time, but she tried to take the words to heart.
She practiced lying with Spinel, disguising it as harmless games of pretend. She practiced it in her mirror, with the pebbles looking on in confusion. She practiced it until it became second nature to lie. No, she practiced until it became first nature.
She didnât know why she was lying half the time she did so. It wasnât like she could predict what would set Yellow and White off, so she just lied about everything.
She started asking (it wasnât asking. Not really. She knew that.) her pearl to go along with her lies. It was easy to trick Spinel into believing her, since Spinel could only hear one side of the story. Her side. She could learn to ignore the guilt that pooled in her stomach.
(She never did. She tried to pass off her casting aside Spinel as the logical thing to do, but that wasnât the whole truth.)
She thinks Yellow must not feel guilt about lying. Yellow lies to hide her weaknesses. Hide her insecurities. That comment White made didnât get to her, how could it? She was sorry, but she couldnât play hide-and-seek in the purification sauna today, her new colony was woefully inept, and her court needed her help with them. (Pink had been listening about colonies long before she had asked for one.)
She thinks sheâs seen the most liars emulate Yellow. Gems lie to the diamonds about everything. The reason that the kindergarten was behind schedule. That the ball had record attendance this year.
She tries the technique herself, but she isnât sure which of her traits are weaknesses. Perhaps all of them.
She wondered, before that talk with White, how many lies she fell for. Was it more than the ones sheâs told?
Blue lies about her emotions. She says sheâs sad about Pinkâs recent behavior, but how can she be? Sheâs upset about the way things are, Pink knows she is.
If it were just Blue and Pink, thereâs no way sheâd lock her in that tower.
How much of Blueâs emotions are real, and how much are smoke and mirrors?
It made sense why she did it. Yellow often went out of her way to cater to Blueâs emotions. (She didnât do that for Pink. Not when Pink tried the same techniques.)
(She didnât do that for Rose either.)
White lied to herself. She wasnât stupid, but she certainly acted like a child far more often than Pink ever did. If she was perfect, how did she create Pink? How did she create Yellow and Blue?
If she was so perfect, Pink thought bitterly, why did she create a world where gems need to lie?
She lied about her mistakes. When it was revealed Pink wasnât behind Blueâs broken Lapis, (Shocker, considering she told them it wasnât her thousands of times.) the punishment White doled out suddenly ceased to exist.
She gets it. Perfect Gems canât afford to make mistakes. To be wrong. That's why White keeps a fleet of Sapphires around, so she never makes any mistakes.
(Mistakes still happen. Pink wonders if that means the Sapphires are wrong, or the Sapphires are lying. She isnât sure which one excites her more.)
She knows her pearl lies, perhaps even more than her. Lying does come first nature to Pearl. She says that sheâs her diamond, (not true, she was Whiteâs first. Sheâs still Whiteâs in every way that matters. If it came down to it, she knows which side Pearl is on.) that she exists to please. (please the others maybe. She wants her actual Pearl back. Her friend back.)
It isnât until much later that her pearl becomes Pearl, and those lies become the truth.
By this point, she lies as easily as she heals, which is not easy at all.
She wonders if Pearl knows the real her. If the other Diamonds told her, before sending her in to spy.
In case they havenât, she should keep up the bubbly charade. That sheâs happy, (she doesnât think she was ever happy, just oblivious.) that she wants nothing more than a colony, (She hates the work, but if she works hard enough eventually the others may treat her like a person.) that sheâs above everyone else. (there are laws protecting other gems against what sheâs gone through.)
In another life, someone tells her that he doesnât feel like he knows the real her. She almost tells him that nobody does, not really. The only people that did are likely long shattered.
The day she stops being Pink Diamond, she has a thought. âI wonât have to lie anymore.â Sheâd be concealing her gem and going by a different name. She knows that. But maybe she wouldnât have to lie about who she is and what she stands for. Maybe that's the only lie that matters. Maybe sheâs been telling one lie for most of her existence, and today is the day that it ends.
Only by being shattered can she shatter the illusion she spent years perfecting. The illusion that even White canât see through.
Sheâs not sure if she loves Pearl for going along with it, or if she loves the freedom that Pearl provides. She certainly loves never having to see that tower again.
(She doesnât think that whoever has to inform the Diamonds of her shattering will be thrown in instead of her. At best. Really, she doesnât.)
