#angst ff

Gojo satoru x reader

Warning: mentions of death, blood, grief and all that stuff, not proofread, uh enjoy?

Better with any sad song of your choice ig

Gojo satoru has gone through all types of heartbreaks, lost his best friend, watched people die, watched the love of his life die...but nothing prepared him for the collapse he witnessed of a house that was filled with you.

Was it the last straw? Maybe. Because he was on his knees the moment the house started breaking down. Nothing in this world could've prepared him for your death but as the house fell apart, your memories smashed down bits by bits. He felt himself begging whatever God could hear him for it to be a dream, a nightmare and whenever he woke up you'd be back in his arms.

His students and colleagues watched him fall apart, his eyes never leaving the scene unfolding. The dim light that was left in his life after you left died in an instant. He couldn't take it. Shoko knew, nanami knew, his students knew. There were barely any smiles for him after you died but maybe this had killed him completely.

Oh how they wished they could've prevented it, stopped the loud shatter of his heart. How they wish they could save the strongest. The strongest yet the weakest in the moment. He couldn't cry, couldn't breathe, his body shuddering as the collapse finished. Nanami hurried to kill the dumb curse lurching around that resulted in this fall.

Most would expect The Gojo Satoru to be enraged, kill the curse himself and kill everyone in sight as he lost all his remaining sanity. But that wasn't the case, maybe that would've been better, maybe him screaming and crying when you died was better than this, because watching him tremble, eyes wide open and dry, as he stared at your now collapsed house shook everyone to the core.

No one has witnessed the fall of the strongest, and they wished they had not, because that only proved that he was a human...not a weapon. Never a weapon. He was never supposed to be a weapon. Maybe that was what bothered them, the fact that they've been unconsciously treating him like one.

He hadn't felt so much in a while, quietly submitting himself to the endless missions, but never far away, not ever far enough to be away from your shared bedroom, from the way the ghost of your scent lingered in the air of his house. Never far enough to lose you completely. But now it was gone.

It was all gone and he knew nowhere was left for him to hold on to you, he wished so desperately to have been inside the building as it fell, when you passed away he was busy, very busy with the missions, with making sure Megumi was okay, Megumi loved you, not that he'll ever accept but he was practically raised in your shadow.

He was so busy he forgot you were gone, holding on to your unwashed clothes, dusting your heels, even your towel laid on the same hook you left it, nothing removed from your touch until today.

He wished he had cried enough, begged enough, or screamed enough, he wished he cared about himself the way you did. The last batch of pastries you baked for him was still in the fridge, he ate a teaspoon of it every 2 days, he was supposed to have it today. He was supposed to live there with you forever.

The balcony still had your ashtray, the last two cigarettes you smoked still rotting in it, the ashes washed away with wind and he wished he could taste the bitterness off of your lips one last time, he would sit on the little carpet your bought for him everyday, head resting on the chair as if it was your thigh. It ought to be, it used to be.

Everytime you couldn't sleep you'd sit out there smoking, looking out in the world that took you away from him. And he'd come sit by your feet, knees folded to his chest and head resting on your lap. You were one crazy couple weren't you. Gojo satoru had loved you like no other man would ever love anyone else but his love wasn't enough to make you stay. Not enough, not even close.

And so there was a shake in his knees when he got up again, a drag in his feet as he forced himself towards the ruins of what once was. His fingers clamped tight in his palm as he walked up on the rumble, dust flying away and over his neat white hair.

He walked and walked, limping towards where once was your kitchen, one of the few places you loved. He could see the freezer door somewhere along his way, he could see the glass shattered too, the blindfold thrown somewhere he didn't remember. And then he fell back down, bare hands clawing through the broken walls and roof. It stung, it bled, each torn piece he held stained in red, one last reminder of what he owned.

He rushed, bent down desperately as his lower lip wobbled, even his 6 eyes couldn't undo the blur in his vision as tears stung past his eyelashes, the warmth reminding him of how you smooched his eyes whenever he was too tired. The tears falling on his hand reminding him of what he had lost. And no one dared to approach him, a silence so heavy even his ragged breath was loud enough to shatter it. Little sniffles as he dug through the rumble, until he found whatever he was looking for.

His hand dug inside the small entrance he had created, sure to be torn up when he pulled it out, blood dripping down and yet again reminding everyone present there that, he too, was no more than a human. A small diamond ring, twisted weirdly now that it was crushed, in his hand, once in yours too.

Your engagement ring, one he gave to you in front of all these people, Megumi was the closest to where gojo stood and all he could do was shudder at the way his black slumped, his hands coated brown and black and red as he held on to the ring.

His guardian was all but a human to everyone else. The strongest, the bravest, until he wasn't. Not strong enough or brave enough to stop the sting in his fingers, or heal the cuts in his hands, not strong enough to stand straight or sit straight as he kneeled and repeated your name like a prayer. Like that'll make you come back.

TANGLED ATTACHMENT LHS, PSH

synopsis: sunghoon had broken up a month ago and needed time before you both actually started dating, he told you to stay aware of his bandmate, lee heeseung but what happens if you grow attached to him and find out your ‘boyfriend’s dirty secret despite you both loving eachother?

pairings: park sunghoon x afab reader x lee heeseung

genre: angst, toxic love, love triangle, slow burn, slight fluff?

warnings: toxic love, mentions of cigarette, tension, one night stands,

inspired by: @//parkjaycult ‘s “BOUNDARY_LESS PSH” and heavily inspired by ‘Friends - Chase Atlantic’

author’s note:: I RE EDITED IT HOPEFULLY ITS BETTER AND EASIER TO READ NOW 🧍🏻‍♀️

there he lies, right beside you. he looked miserable with swollen blood-red eyes and dark circles, his cheeks were tear-stained he had marks supposedly hickies all over his neck. Despite being his assistant and manager, you had no idea what he does or where he goes after 7 PM but always received a message from him after 11 PM to either pick him up from a random club or open the door because he was freezing, despite you never wanting to you always do let him in. I mean why won't you? He kept you accompanied through your lonely apartment. This was another reason you had a small minimalistic apartment you didn't want to feel lonely. 

Sunghoon on the other hand had broken up with his girlfriend of two years, Hyun-hee. You weren't sure why would anyone ever leave this perfect man? But who were you to say anything throughout the following 3 months Sunghoon continued to vent to you about his now ex but never mentioned the real reason why they fell apart. Regardless you comforted him and let him stay. Enhypen's manager never really minded him staying with you as long as you both did everything behind the scenes and Sunghoon was never late for his schedules. It led to the point you knew his smell, the time he'll text you and what his comfort foods were, can we say the same about Sunghoon knowing you? I guess not but the way Sunghoon would sometimes snuggle close to you deep in his sleep it made you think if you guys were just friends or more? 

Back to the present, your alarm rang waking Sunghoon up while you keep staring at his neck about the hickies or scars. "Is something wrong?" the boy asked rubbing his eyes while sitting up. "N-no you should freshen up and return to the dorms I'll drive you there" he only nodded in response and walked towards the washroom. You on the other hand just sat on the bed in denial you didn't know how to feel you knew this needed to stop before you grew more attached but you couldn't just run away.

After dropping Sunghoon at the dorms, Heeseung began to approach you "Shall we go?" the black-headed guy asked politely, "Huh?" "Oh did Jihun (manager) Hyung not inform you?" you were beyond confused when you suddenly received the message from Jihun himself.

From Jihun (Manager-nim) 

> YN! You have to take care of Heeseung's schedule as Nayeon is not well and I'm busy.

*sends schedule planner*

"YN you're still here?" Sunghoon's voice returns you to Earth "Oh.. Manager Jihun just texted me, I have to take care of Heeseung's schedule as his manager is sick and your schedule is empty today" YN said "Oh ok" he said almost upset. As you were about to leave with Heeseung, Sunghoon suddenly hugged you, "don't get too close with Heeseung I'll miss you" that somehow gave you butterflies even though this was a common skinship between the both of you, maybe his words were doing the effect but why did he even tell you to be careful of Heeseung? He seemed amazing even though you didn't know him that much. You quickly hugged him back and started walking with Heeseung beside you as it must've been awkward for him. 

You start the car and start driving to a studio where he is supposed to record a song cover "Off my face" by Justin Beiber, it was probably coincidental that you absolutely love that song and you were pretty excited to hear him sing it. He was extremely polite and both of you made some small talk, you were mostly closest to the maknae line and of course Sunghoon so it felt awkward at first. "Soo.. it seems that you and Sunghoon are pretty close are you guys.." "FRIENDS! yes ah-hah! " you say it in the most unconvincing way but he seems to believe it for the time being while you apologize for being loud he laughs it off and switches the topic as he could see you were quite uncomfortable. Soon enough you both arrived "Do you want to come inside?" He asked while taking the bag he decided to carry after losing his only AirPods that were in his pockets "Am I allowed to?" you ask while unbuckling the seatbelt. And here you are staring at his face while listening to his angelic vocals he maintained eye contact with you looking at the camera from time to time but looking at you as well. It somehow gives you butterflies even if you didn't know him that well. He stared at you throughout the "In love with you" part and you wouldn't lie, you felt yourself felt.

After finishing his schedule with him and dropping him off at the dorms, you went back home and decided to scroll through your notifications and schedules, it was 10:57 PM you knew he'd dm you anytime now but to your surprise, he didn't?it shocked you but you shrugged it off and just thought maybe he won't come today? even if it was unusual.. 

*ring ring* the bell rang as YN got up to open the door. "Open up I know you're awake," He said as if he'd breakdown any moment in a drunk as fuck voice. You open the door and he crashes down on you, completely hugging you with both of his arms and keeping his head in your nape taking in your fresh smell. "why would she leave me, was I not enough" he said in a droopy sad voice almost falling down as you carry him to sit on your couch and continue comforting him till 1 AM or until he was asleep, yes you took care of him you knew he deserved better, you just wanted him to feel loved.You took a closer look at his state, his hair looked freshly washed and fluffy eventhough it was messy, it looked as if he washed up and then went to the club, why? you'll never understand this man.he still had the scars from yesterday and maybe more? or were you just seeing things?  Either way you made sure to comfort him and made him feel loved, he always appreciated these actions towards him and would often cry and tell you how much he appreciates it, you really love his vulnerable side but t hurts you to see his tears sometimes.

You woke up feelings entangled in the sheets with another figure in your bed, that being sung hoon, you brushed hair off of his face when he started to wake up thanks to the sun being brighter than usual because you didn't pull the curtains, he holds you tighter in his embrace as he whispers a quite good morning and thank you for last night, that was enough to make you melt. If anyone saw you both in this state, they'd most probably think you both are dating, you both cuddled for a while before the blonde head spoke up again "how was it with Heeseung? Did he say anything? you thought for a while before shaking your head and said "just small talk and.." "and?" "nothing that special" you lied but you didn't want to make things awkward so that's how it was before you tried to get up but sat down again when Sunghoon pulled you towards him, he held you close to his chest you could hear his heart beating and he probably could too considering how fast your heart was beating. 

"Let's cuddle for a while," he said in his deep morning voice which you were used to, he snuggled closer to your neck while you couldn't even move. "Y-you have to mc today r-remember?" you mentally curse yourself for stuttering. He groans but lets you go, you exhale as you both freshen up and you decide to drive him back to the dorms, he adjusts himself in the passengers' seat as you began to drive. "I'm sorry for yesterday, I wanted to spend some time with you yesterday but-" you cut him off, "it's fine" you feel him smile through the corner of your eyes as he reaches down to your hand gently squeezing it. These small interactions meant a lot to you as they made you feel wanted. You loved it. You loved him. 

As you reached the dorms, Jihun informed you that you had to take care of Heeseung's schedule today as well even if you were aSunghoon's manager, the reason was obvious. Netizens were making rumors about Sunghoon and you dating, you were pretty enough to be an idol so speculations were that you're a trainee dating him so it was understandable what Jihun was trying to do but Sunghoon was definitely not pleased but you didn't mind because you were comfortable enough around him.

The whole day was fun with Heeseung , after finishing his photoshoot he took you to a cafe and now you both were sitting on a hill just looking at Seoul from afar. Sunghoon and Heeseung were different, extremely different. While you mostly had home "dates" with Sunghoon, Heeseung took you around the city into places you never even saw or knew. Both of them were equally fun. 

Heeseung broke the comforting silence with his question "Soo YN.. were you raised in Seoul?" you just dryly chuckle "No... but I always wondered how it'd be to live in Seoul and that's how i ended up here, I'm from a small island beside Jeju I came to Seoul to become a therapist or psychiatrist but I guess some dreams don't come true" you looked down and brought your knees to your chest. "Why did you suddenly become a manager, I mean it is something comepletely different from a therapist or medical field " he asked again "Mm.. I dont know.. it was because of my mother, my studies were going well until she fell sick and needed money for her medicines so I just took a job that I found" you suddenly chuckle feeling chilled by the weather, "Is she still?..." you shake your head "no.. I lost her" you say, your eyes now getting glossy. Heeseung got closer and hugged you tight "It's not your fault, you tried and id everything you could. I'm so sorry" You started crying pathetically in his embrace hugging him back, you lost your mother recently yet tried being strong, nobody had comforted you like this. None of your relatives lived with you so you kept blaming yourself. The night went on by you explaining on how alone you feel in this city and how Seoul wasn't the place for you. This felt different, new and you liked it. Sunghoon normally talked about his feelings to you and you never really minded because you wanted to protect and love him but you didn't kow how it felt to recieve the same love. Until tonight. 

It soon got pretty late and you drove Heeseung to his apartment instead of the dorm as most of them were with their familes or in their apartments. You realised that the key normally stays with his manager who was sick or Jihun, Heeeng had called Jihun but he wasn't picking up. You couldn't just leave him. "YN? If you want you can go home, I'll just stay at a hotel." he said breaking your thoughts. "No no what if sasaengs find you? How about you just stay at my house for tonight?" you don't know why you suddenly said that but you guess you didn't mind his presence anymore.

"I'll sleep on the couch" you offer and bring out a pillow from your bedroom buut he snatches it from you and says  "I don't want to bother you so I'll just sleep on the couch" "No what are you saying I can't do that to a guest" You say snatching ng the pillow back and it suddenly becomes a pillow tugging competition to a pillow fight. It looked like as if you both were kids but you needed to get revenge on him for hitting you on the head with the pillow. After a while of messing around you began "Okay let's just sleep on the same bed but put pillows in the middle is that okay?"you said exhausted and out of breath. THere is no way any of you would fit in your small couch so Heeseung just agreed.

Instead of sleeping you both just talked about random stuff, how Heeseung became a trainee, if you had any siblings, music taste and anything till 4 in the morning when Heeseung heard snores while he was explaing his childhood talent show. He surely adored your sleeping face and fell asleep watching you. 

You had woken up to your alarm and so had Heeseung, after turning off the alarm you couldn't help but laugh at how cute Heeseung looked . "Why what's wrong?" he asked rubbing his eyes "nothing you look adorable, you can go freshen up first then i'll drive you to the dorms" he just smiled and got up unlike sunghoon who would want to sleep 10 minutes more. As you said, you dropped him off at the dorms and went to Jihun's office.

Even if you didn't say or show it you were worried about what Sunghoon did after 7 PM and so by giving the excuse of 'forgetting his schedule' you asked Jihun where he went. "Oh? you don't know? he goes to the club and then a hotel as his schedule stays empty after mc'ing." Oh. It all made sense now, all those 'scars' him always coming after showering and drunk with the smell of women's cheap perfume. But why were you feeling like this? It's not like you both were dating or anything even jf you did confess? he had rejected you. You couldn't believe it. You thought he would've moved on. You knew you weren't the only one feeling this.

"Hyung? Where have you been?" Sunghoon asked the older boy, he didn't know if he should say that he spend the night at the house of his member's 'friend' or crush but he couldn't lie to him either. "At YN's place as we forgot the keys to my apartment" he said calmly, "Oh? so that's why she didn't call me?" the older one just sighed "Sunghoon you cant expect her to only run behind you, I know you love her you should just tell her.. stop going behind her back and doing shit how would she feel if she found out?" Sunghoon just scoffed "You should be the last person to tell me this after sleeping over at her place" he said slowly getting heated up, thankfully none of the members were home, Jake, Jay and Niki were recording while Sunoo and Jungwon were at their radio show."You don't own her, I'm not here to argue about her, just stop and confess to her before she finds out herself" he tried to be calm "Hyung you don't need to tell me what to do, I know her well enough to know what to do to win her over" he said ready to walk out when- "know he?" he laughs in between before continuing " do you even know what she was going through these few months when her mother died? No, youre to hung up on Hyunhee just give YN a chance stop fucking around." Heeseung snaps back before going to his room.

Sunghoon was speechless but still mad and possibly jealous over the fact that you let Heeseng stay over so he went to meet Jihun to ask why you hadn't come yet. "Oh YN, she took a break for a week" he said before going back into a phone call about a new brand deal while Sunghoon stood confused "why would you suddenly take a break?" Completing his schedule faster than usual he drives to your place, t was 6 PM a lot eralier than he usually would come, it was raining heavily so the sky was dark already. He had a bad feeling but he had to confront you, maybe even tell his feelings like Heeseung adviced?

He twisted the door knob and surprisingly it was unlock but that wasn't more shocking than what he saw inside, you were blankly staring at the city infront of you through the window of your living room with a cigarette between your hand. "Since when did you smoke and let guys I didn't want you to be with come in your house?" you flinched but turned to face him and stood up, "Since when did you start coming so early, are you done fucking your hoes in a hotel?" you spoke quieter, looking at him with glossy eyes. "Answer the questio- YN what?" he said quite shook and taken aback by what you said.

 "Tell me what youre doing on the other side." you start backing up "YN-" 'Just tell me what youre doing with those other girls!" you spoke through your tears "Tell me why youre always wasted when we talk, tell me why you only remember my name in the mornings..." "YN no listen to me I love yo-" he tries grabbing your hand but you back away, both of you pathetically crying now. "Running in circles now look what you've done... I trusted you.. and what the hell are we? tell me we werent just friends? this doesn't make no sense!" you said gripping your hair "YN I really do love you I didn't mean to- " he fell down on his knees "You said youre not ready.. I  was waiting for you to move on, only to find out I'm the rebound" you laugh bitterly "YN No- please give me a chance..-"  you pointed at the door "leave." he seemed shocked "Y-YN no youre not fine I can't leave." you only laughed "I'll be fine without you babe" 

That's when he realised he had completely losed you..

after he felt, you decided to call heeseung

"YN? What's wrong?"

"H-hee please come ove-over"

He left.. again. like everyone does you were shaken up. The only person who gave you their attention was Sunghoon, despite not saying anything he made you feel special. you had confessed your feelings to him once and he said he needed time. what has this led to. I should've known. "YN?" Heeseung came in, he seemed shocked  at your state. You were shaking a thrown cigarette on the floor while your hair was a mess, tears kept streaming down your face. He ran up to you taking you in his embrace, he didnt want someone so precious in this much pain. It hurt him too. "W-why did h-he even give m-me ho-hope?- if h-he want-ted something e-else" you spoke in broken words but Heeseng understood, he figured you found out what Sunghoon had been doing. "Shh.. it's okay you deserve better calm down" he rocked you back and forth before you calmed down just softly crying in his embrace. 

You were on his lap while he held you protectively in his arms. "I know this isn't the right time but, I -I just want you to know I'm here for you.. I probably haven't loved you as long as sunghoon did but if you give me a chance i promise I'd never let you go.." Before you could say anything he attached his soft lips on yours, you didn't kiss him back. You were too taken aback. He soon detached his lips from you and said "I get it if you don't want this I'm still with you" He hugged you tighter before you spoke up "I n-need you too Heeseung but please let me heal before I trust you again.."

"I'll help you heal" He said before you fell asleep, tired from heartbreak and love yet being comforted by the person who you'll soon start loving.

you maybe truly will be fine without him

As you may or may not know, I read Johnlock fanfictions. A lot. And most of them (who am I kidding, almost every single one of them) is angsty as hell. And oh boy, how I enjoy reading about my Baker Street Boys being sad and broken, only to be happy together in the end (or not, hehe, it depends on my mood)

And since I've read many angst ffs and many of them are stored in my heart forever, I have decided that every Saturday I will share three of my favourites angst fanfictions with you (and maybe later I will create a masterlist with them, first I need to learn how to do that)

So, without any more words, here are the first three fanfictions I want to share with you today 🌼

Enjoy 💞

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm)

Chapters: 18

Summary: They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril.They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear.Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods.Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

Relationship: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, minor Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade

Set after s2e2 The Hounds of Baskerville

Before the Dawn by Ranowa

Chapters: 4

Summary: Sherlock wakes up the day after Sherrinford. But something isn't right.

Relationship: Sherlock Holmes & John Watson

Set after s3e3 His Last Vow

Radioactive Trees In A Red Forest by Maribor_Petrichor

Chapters: 73

Summary: John Watson is what happens when a man can no longer see a reason to go on. John Watson is what happens when a man starts to let go." It is what it is." John Watson is what happens when what "it is" becomes too much to bear. This is a story of the life, death, and resurrection of John Hamish Watson.

Relationship: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

Their friend(crush) says-.

"I always joke about being alone, but I really don't think there is anybody out there for me..."

--------------------

✨Seonghwa✨

He agressively pouts at you while saying how much he loves you and why.

🌺Hongjoong🌺

Stares at you for a solid 5 minutes.

"Joongie why are you staring at me?"

"Do you know how many love songs I've written while thinking about you?"

🥺Yunho🥺

You immediately regret saying that in front of him as he picks you up, carries you to the couch, and cuddles you with some smooches here and there.

🖤Yeosang🖤

You say this while you and Yeosang are eating.

After you say that, he starts sliding his fried chicken towards you while looking at you through his big pretty puppy dog eyes.

👅San👅

We all know this man would follow you to the ends of the world. He does alot of stuff for you after you tell him that. He just wants you to know you're loved and cared about.

🥺💕Mingi💕🥺

I'm not gonna write one for Mingi bc I'll start crying TT TT.

😤Wooyoung😤

"Bitch tf?! I'm right HERE-"

(The photo is Wooyoung after he kicks your ass for saying that)

🐰Jongho🐰

Uplaoded the second chapter of my Sanzu x Mikey ff (Angst/ angsty fluff ff)

The chapter is actually a bit more fluff, but it still does transfer the Angst genre pretty well.

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Doyoung’s hands gripped tightly onto his notebook, knuckles white and arms shaking from frustration. Writer's block is surely the worst thing that could happen to an author, something so infuriating and painful to experience, especially if your career is centered around being motivated to write. Especially when such blockage was caused by self-degrading words and intrusive thoughts rather than the creative ideas he needed. He’s tried everything to cure himself from such harsh things getting in the way of his creativity, but when it comes time to write, his mind always goes back to such dark things, keeping him from getting anything down onto the paper. His hands finally gave out as he dropped the book he held in his hands and collapsed onto his desk. Nothing but negative thoughts made their way into his head, causing him to lace his fingers in his hair and tug at the ebony colored strands out of pure distress. Everyone was still in office, of course, but everyone minded their own business. Of course, they had their own stuff to worry about, they couldn’t be bothered checking on what doyoung was doing at his desk. He knew this of course, but a part of him, which he would never admit existed, wanted someone there. Someone there to hug him. Someone that listens to his worries. Someone that will hold him close and say everything will be ok. Yet, he knows he’ll never get this. Because he’s the bad guy in everyone’s story, even in his own.

Shoko x reader, gojo x reader, brother geto

Warnings: substance abuse, alcohol(?), cigarettes, kinda suggestive, and idk? wlw Obv. Enjoy. Read with the song.

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Shoko had always wondered what it'd be like to be in love with someone, would it feel like how everyone else describes it? Would it be sharp and stabbing, constantly bringing the person to attention no matter how much you avoid liking them, no matter how many times you refuse it? And would it ache as bad as what people claim it does when you see them in someone else's arms? Would it suck to let them go after having them for what you thought would be eternity? Shoko needed answers in a way that would feel experimental, in which she wasn't a subject. but right now, right at the moment where she stood she was just one.

One should never fall for the kind ones, maybe it would've been better if you were as beastly as she was, maybe it would've been better if her hand was tangled in your hair, cursing at you, telling you how fucked up you were. But oh too bad, life isn't fair like that, you have to be the nicest, most fragile person she could've met, completely unaware of the storms in her head. and honestly, if shoko was really really honest with herself, she could tell it was all her fault.

One more rule, never fall in love with your best friend's sister, it's a cliché troop, and a lot of people want just that. She should've known that when she first saw you brightening up when that certain white haired freak first entered your vision. Of course it was a better troop to be in love with your brother's childhood best friend than the one he found in college. Geto had to be the cruelest of them all, fuck him for introducing you to her.

No, Shoko didn't deserve it. She wouldn't ever, she only deserved that bitter smoky cigarette in her hands, she only deserved the burn in her throat and the sting in her eyes, she claimed it was dust, but dust doesn't burn the heart the same way it burns eyes. It was her fault, and she remembered that when you first met her too.

All sweet and amazing and strong and Beautiful and charming and cute and ethereal in that outfit she'll never forget, she hated your hair so much, she hated how they curled up in her finger unlike anyone near her, unlike anyone in her vicinity. So many men and women she had met and dumped, oh? Was it karma? Fuck it, she wouldn't know. It might as well be.

Because you had your arms around satoru a year after she did the same to you. Ditched you. She should've known, you were cruel and selfish like that. No, it had to be your fault no matter what, she couldn't bear accepting her fears were the problem. And it was too late either way.

It was only a kiss, that was all it was supposed to be. just unfortunately that one and half year earlier, when you first entered the club by geto's side, in all your glory, dressed like her biggest dream and soon to be nightmare. Greeting people like you were born for it, mingling immediately, and gojo stood by her side too, a little too startled by your presence. "Oii?? Is that y/n? What the actual fuck?" Was how he greeted geto and he just sighed, "yeah, she's in town for some internship? Project, meh idk...wanted to have some fun while at it so here we are." He replied. All three of them turn to look at you, except shoko never stopped, flirting with the bartender for a drink.

Shoko should've known it would be so so bad, but she just sucked in a sharp inhale from her cigarette, one gojo snatched immediately. "Dammn bruh, she grew up huh?" Geto just hummed to it, whatever the fuck, cause how was shoko supposed to know all that gojo knew about you, all three of you grew up together. Unlike her. She met them like 2 years ago.

"stop drooling" she commented, physically forcing herself to look past you. You weren't her type, or actually no one else was ever her type, she hadn't hooked up or dated anyone like you, because she never met you before, the epitome of shoko's type.

Still the epitome of her type, even in gojo's arms. Even when giggling and dancing with him like you were never supposed to be with her. Only him.

Fuck this, she should be out. She couldn't possibly watch anymore of his hands on you, the insomnia was bad enough. And because she had chosen to walk away again, to someone else, this was probably all she had to give to you. And unluckily for you, you had noticed that ages ago, and today as well.

You couldn't help but wonder why, why was she the one who had to look that distraught, why was she so pathetic. You loved the mole on her undereye, so why did it look extra petty today? Mocking you because you wouldn't ever be the one to kiss it again, never the one to make her smile so hard it crinkled ever so slightly.

It pissed you off, how she took puffs after puffs from that terrible cigarette, you hated how it tasted, yet each time you looked at her, you had this insane urge to taste just that. And so you did, flipping your hair away from your face, grabbing the cigarette from your lover's hand, taking a puff and exhaling it right into his mouth. The kiss was bitter, as it should be, just how you wanted it. But it still didn't taste the same, and God you were so pathetic, so guilty when you opened your eyes in between to look at shoko, her body shuddering at the eye contact.

God you hated it, how she lowered her gaze, dropped the cigarette in the ashtray, pushed the man dancing all over her away and she walked away, just like she did that time.

"no.....No? What? Then...why?" It wouldn't make sense to anyone else whatever you were saying, but it did to shoko. Because she was the one who got you sputtering nonsense.

"What do you mean you don't want this?" As if whatever she had said earlier wasn't fucking enough. Stupid stupid you. You should've known. "Exactly what I said." Oh oh what a cruel answer, it had tears bubbling up in your eyes Instantly. God, you were stupid as fuck for believing this lady could ever love someone. She was fucked up.

"I don't love you, I don't want to be with you, I hate this." She had repeated in hopes you'd understand what a freaking liar she was. Only, you didn't. You took her words at face value, like everyone should. Like everyone does. If only shoko knew that too. She was shaking, trying so hard to force the words out of her mouth. 'no...I was lying, I love you please see, please look at me please please' if only shoko knew the only way people hear you is if you speak, because after that you never looked up at her, until today. And you wished you hadn't.

You wished you hadn't given in to her the first time you met her either. Shoko was the one who pushed you away, she wasn't supposed to be walking out, nor was she supposed to come back to grab her phone, nor was she supposed to look at you once again, in gojo's arms, completely forgetting about her when he hooked a finger inside the hook in the back.

God she fucked up, and she knew it when you teared your eyes away from her, the look you had for her was terrible, petty? Hatred? Somewhere on the same lines. But the way you looked at him? Eyes wide as you smiled from cheek to cheek and he giggled right back. She wished you'd look back again when he picked you up and gave your eyes a huge smooch, she wished you'd look at her just once more when he walked back with you to the exit. But your eyes only had his, you were so happy with him. Something she couldn't ever give you.

And so she walked away, only a single kiss to be shared and still only your memories engraved in her head. Her eyes were teary, hands shaking around her phone, she had fucked up. God she wished she could take it back, the steps. Because unfortunately she had found herself back in the parking lot, where you stood, making out with the love of your life, Gojo Satoru. He was the one who took off your dress now, and he was the one who had you from head to toe, your curls entangled in his fingers. Not hers, never hers.

A sharp breath and she turned around, tears gathering but never falling, and she walked and walked and walked until one tear fell, then another and then another and she was completely alone. Or so she thought.

Because geto sat a feet apart, cigarette burning his eyes the same way hers did, and she could tell he had smoked a whole lot with the cig butts around him. He was sitting with his knees to his chest, and when he looked up at her, he puffed up a laugh. "You look so ass" he commented and she would've insulted him back if he didn't look just as bad.

And so she took off her heels, walking barefoot on the grass and plopping down next to him, stealing one cigarette from his packet and lightening it up with his as if she was entitled to the same pain. "Why are you here like this?" She asked, and he looked at her with the eyes she knew too well. "Same reason You are" he muttered and she looked at him jokingly "you love y/n too?" "No. I love satoru"

What the fuck?

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Suguru geto x reader

Warnings: heartbreak, a lil rushed, break up, depression, self hatred a lil, self blame, angst. Very small since I've no energy for writing much rn.

Overview: suguru was the warmest person you had ever met, never did you ever think he'd leave you feeling this cold.

You should've known.... should've seen it coming...but you couldn't. You couldn't help but forgive the innumerable times you were ignored by him, couldn't help but love him to your very core until it started the crack. And even then you couldn't stop. You'd love him through the cracks.

It had been a year since gojo and suguru went for a mission which ended up really really bad. A year since your relationship with suguru went down the drain. Ever since that happened all suguru had for you was anger, frustration and then on an odd day a he'd shower you with love...maybe that was what kept you up.

You saw how heartbroken and destroyed he was and when you heard what had happened you had rushed to him so fast you couldn't even understand the moment he crashed into your arms, sobbing uncontrollably asking you where he went wrong.

Next year remained with you constantly reassuring him and him ignoring you because he was so indulged in his own self hatred. There was nothing you could do. It hurt, it hurt sm. You just wished he'd somehow turn back into the suguru that cared, your boyfriend that cared.

"hey.. are you okay?" Another day of asking him if he was okay, knowing he'd lie. 'You're not enough for him to tell you the truth' your brain screamed, you were exhausted. Hurt. And physically even worse. "Yeah I'm good." He replied, voice so monotonous you didn't even have the courage to ask again.

you're not enough you're not enough you're not enough.

"okay.." you whispered sitting in his arms as your heart broke over and over again. You wished he'd come back, you wished he was still in love with you. Prayed to every god you knew to heal him in any way possible.

And God did. He healed him, at the cost of his sanity. "I'll kill all the non sorcerers" he uttered and you choked on your own spit. "You will what?!" You yelled, for the first time in forever. "No no suguru what are you saying come here..." You refused to believe this, he can't be leaving, walking towards him you had realised how far away the suguru you knew was.

"no y/n I've made up my mind...i need to leave" he sighed in annoyance as you rushed towards him. smacking your hand away, he could see the buried hurt bubbling up in your face again. You wondered if he could see, if he could tell how your conscience was breaking more and more.

"you can't!" You yelled, eyes desperately begging him to rethink this, to maje him remember you were something 'you don't matter' you brain answering almost immediately. "You know that i can...maybe if i was satoru it would have been easier but that won't stop me" he stated and you could see the resolve, there was nothing that could've gone worse.

"baby...no please" you finally broke down, hands clutching his arms with so much agony he could feel it burning through his veins. Finally you were crying, finally he was soothing you, pulling you in his chest as he begged for forgiveness. It did not matter anymore though, nothing you would say could've stopped him from leaving.

And there he went, leaving you yet again in your own misery, leaving you to wander in your own insecurities that he had pulled out all over again. 'he left' 'you're not enough' 'why would he do this to you' 'why why why why' no questions will ever be answered. No one could take away the pain of watching the only person you had ever trusted with you betray you in the worst ways possible. "I love you, it wasn't your fault" he had reassured but you were far too gone to ever trust anything he says ever again.

You just wished it was a bad dream, a horrible nightmare you could wake up from but sad for you you'd have to watch the nightmare unfold even when you were awake.

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