#andan

Andan stared into the fire of the camp, content as the rest of their group milled about. They were so close to Baldur’s gate, merely a day away. Spirits and nerves were high. Wyll and Gale were cooking, Shadowheart and Astarion giving unhelpful advice with some gossiping on the side. Karlach and Lae’zel were sharpening their weapons. The tiefling was multitasking, getting some horn polish ready off  to the side for both her and Wyll.

The paladin smiled, things were content. Eventually, her eyes met Astarion’s, the vampire shooting her a wink.

Red… a sharp smile, soft eyes. Joyful in the light. Her burrows furrowed slightly, where have I heard that before? Her gaze turned back towards her book, looking but not reading. Her mind began to wander back to her youth, the thoughts finding a familiarity to what had once been spoken to her.

-

Andan stared at the paper, brow furrowed and lips pursed. What if..?

“Andan, dear child… I can hear your brain working from here. What are your thoughts?”

The half-elf glanced up at her mentor, Hilor. The older elf stared at her, an almost fatherly curiosity in his golden eyes.

“So… you know how you know how people will die?”

He raised a brow at her, flipping a page in his book, “What of it, dear one.”

“If you can tell how they die… can you tell when their life would begin? Like… love?”

“A Soulmate?”

Her ears perked up, whipping around towards him, “Yes! Can you?”

Hilor barked out a laugh, “What makes you think that, Andan?”

“Well… I don’t know. It was merely a thought.”

He let out a low chuckle, closing his book before he set it off to the side. His private writing room was lit dimly with candles, gold crowned bookshelves lining the far wall from floor to ceiling with hundreds of books. He stood from his plush seat near the fireplace, making his way over to his mentee. The old elf kneeled down with great effort in front of her, the young half-elf sitting in his desk chair.

Andan blinked at him, cocking her head to the side, “Hilor?”

“Hush, dear child.”

She clamped her mouth shut, waiting as patiently as she could. She always had to wait long when he told her to be quiet. Whether he was testing her patience or was truly thinking was still a mystery to her.

It felt like hours before he spoke again.

“I see… red. A sharp smile, soft eyes. Darkness, the light… joy. Two-… oh. How interesting.”

Hilor said nothing else, standing and returning to his book in his plush chair.

Andan sat there, blinking, “Is- is that it? Red? Sharp smile, soft eyes? Dark, light, joy? What was there ‘two’ of?”

He sat there, smiling softly at the young twenty-five year-old half-elf. There was joy in his eyes, yet also a great sadness.

“Hilooor! Please!” Andan jumped from the seat, sliding in front of him to grasp at his knees like a child would to a parent, “What was the rest!”

“Were you not penning a letter to request Selunite archery lessons, ni leshere?”

She pouted, glaring up at him, “Yes… but I’ll get the answer out of you, yet Iar adan.”

Hilor merely smiled, patting her hand gently before resuming his reading. 

-

Andan’s mind returned to the present, ears flicking to the sound of a deliberate step to her unblinded side. It was Astarion, a hand raised in a gesture of peace.

“Are you alright, love? Has the tadpole eaten the rest of your little brain away?”

She rolled her eyes, setting her book aside, “I ate two tadpoles, Astarion. How many did you eat again?”

He glared at her, a sharp grin coming to his face, “Careful, love… would hate to have the rest of our worm stash in your bedroll. Would truly be a waste of that lovely little brain of yours.”

She barked out a laugh, letting him settle in next to her. They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the rest of the camp bustle about before she began to speak.

“Do you believe in soulmates, Astarion?”

He paused, glancing over at her, “No, why do you ask? Do… you believe in them, Dani?”

“I see… red. A sharp smile, soft eyes. Darkness, the light… joy. Two-… oh. How interesting.”

A smile threatened to cross across her cracked lips, but she managed to hold it back. Instead, she let her shoulders shrug.

“No reason other than curiosity. It was something I liked to ask Hilor about when I was younger and I wanted your thoughts.”

He turned towards her fully now, “Oh? Did he tell you anything, or- Wh- Dani! Andan where are you- woman! Hold on!”

Before he had even finished his sentence, she stood. Her well-muscled legs leading her towards the fire.

“Andan!”

“I’m going to eat dinner before Karlach eats it all! I have some Githyanki blood in my tent if you’re interested!” She grinned back over at him, watching him puff up like a hissing cat.

“You absolutely terrible woman! You didn’t let me finish my question!”

Andan let her grin spread, watching his irritation spread. She could have let him finish, but it was so much fun to ruffle him up like this.

Once she grabbed her plate of food, she turned towards her vampire love. He was angrily sipping on his goblet of blood next to Shadowheart, nit-picking the half-elf on the black roots starting to show in the cleric’s white hair.

“Salen aestar!”

Astarion glanced at her, raising an annoyed brow at her.

“To answer your question, my dear. What Hilor told me is one of the reasons I like the color red so much.”

His own red eyes widened, blinking at her. His eyes had widened in surprise. They were… soft.

Soft, red eyes. A smile that was normally so sharp, was lax in surprise.

She took a few steps over, landing a kiss on his cheek before she went to join the two other front-line fighters. Astarion took a few seconds of stunned silence before he began to sputter again. Andan took her seat gracefully between Karlach and Lae’zel, listening to their conversation as her beloved vampire began to vent to white-haired cleric.

A grin graced her lips as she watched him out of the corner of her eye.

Yes, Astarion. I do believe in soulmates.

One moment Andan had Astarion in her arms, humming to him softly until he had fallen asleep. She knew she had followed suit not too long after him, but she knew they were in her tent and not the forest she was in currently. Her brows pursed, Where am I- oh wait, Gale.

She spotted him not too long after the thought occurred to her. He was sitting in his night clothes, staring up at the stars in the middle of a gorgeous meadow. It was almost poetic.

He glanced at her, a smile gracing his lips. He gestured for her to sit with him, which she did after a few moments. She made sure he stayed on her left side, keeping him in her sight.

“You wanted to speak with me, Gale?”

“Yes! Thank you for joining me. It is good to speak with you in private.”

She gave him a small smile, “Of course… but what did you wish to speak with me about?”

“Ah, yes! Forgive me, I was distracted briefly. But, it was about Hilor’s journal- Dani, don’t give me that look, please. It’s that look you gave to Kahga, and I don’t appreciate it.”

She knew exactly what he was talking about. Pursed lips, narrowed eyes, and trying ever so desperately to not strangle him. The look she gave people when she was done with their shit. Just like how she was done with people pestering her about her late mentor’s book.

“Then why ask about it again when my answer has been clear?”

“Because I want to help you, Andan. You can not have just Astarion-”

“You respect all of my boundaries but this one, Gale. I expected to get the same outcome, but I suppose I am left sorely disappointed.”

There was a sharp intake of air from Gale. She could see the struggle in his eyes, the want to push but knowing he shouldn’t.

“I wish to help you, Dani. To help all of us. But… if you still truly do not want it, I suppose I have no choice but to concede.”

She did not reply, merely keeping her silence as he decided to follow suit. They sat there for a few moments, watching the imagery slip away. In the end, Andan was left with the blissful darkness of a dreamless slumber.

When she did awake, she was in a warm embrace. Not sweltering, not freezing but a nice warm temperature. The weight of limbs over her own was comforting. She briefly felt panic over the deathly stillness of her bed partner before she remembered what had transpired before the dream. 

Astarion confessed what he had done. Confessed that he had feelings. They started a courtship. He stayed the night.

An almost giddy feeling washed over, almost drowning out the terror she felt. 

-

They were too late. Damn her curiosity of wanting to explore the ruined temple. The Duergar slavers and their Gnome slaves were gone, missing from their resting place. The place where Nere was trapped had been opened, leaving the drow half-crawl out of the poisonous gas beyond the opened cavern. He must’ve died trying to crawl out.

She didn’t know where they would’ve taken the slaves, she had no knowledge of the Underdark bar which she’s only recently learned.

It was her fault. She could’ve saved them.

She watched as Shadowheart went over and cut off Nere’s head, hooking his head off to the side of Lae’zel’s belt.

Andan normally would have felt a twinge of relief in not having to fight, in having their job done for them by nature. All she felt now was numbness.

Deliberate footsteps sounded at her blindside, though she recognized the gait. She did not flinch when a cold arm hesitantly wrapped around her shoulders. Andan leaned into Astarion, closing her eyes tightly as she let her head hang.

“It’s not your fault, Dani.”

“Like hells it isn’t. My inaction led to this. They’re gone, still enslaved.”

He was silent for a moment, hand tightening at her shoulder. She could hear the other two walk away, the tension between the Githyanki and Half-elf was high already but they seemed to have put it aside. It was odd to not hear them be at the other’s throat for once.

“After all of this is over, Dani… we can come back for them. We’ll find them.”

She finally opened her eyes, straining her neck to look up at him. Astarion was looking straight ahead. He was tense, and uncomfortable but was pushing it aside in an attempt to comfort her. She felt a small smile crack along her lips.

“... You’ll be there?”

He glanced down at her, his lovely lips quirking into a smirk, “Every step of the way, love.”

“Thank you.”

He did not respond back, instead moved her around to start heading back towards their camp. His arm did not leave its place around her even after they reached the rest of their group. She could feel Gale’s stare yet she ignored it. Ahead she could hear Shadowheart and Lae’zel get into it once again.

She sighed softly, boarding the ship with Astarion. She steeled herself to return back to the Myconid colony.

-

Life-Chanter. What bullshit.

The Myconids were celebrating the death of Nere, their enemy was gone. Andan sat off to the side of the celebrations, a bottle of wine in hand that she was sipping softly. As beautiful as the Underdark was, she wanted to be gone from this place. Away from her disappointment and failure.

Astarion had left her some time ago, and said he had to go speak with someone on a rather urgent matter. She did not stop him from leaving, no matter how much she wished he had stayed. He said he would only be a few minutes, but it had been well closer to two hours at this point.

She heard two sets of footsteps off to her right, hurriedly twisting to see who was coming. Her chest tightened the moment she saw them.

Astarion was there along with Thulla, the gnome. The same person whose people Andan’s idiocy had let stay in their bounds.

She gave a small nod of her head, “Astarion. Thulla… good to see you are doing better.”

The gnome gave a small tense smile before dropping it, “Thanks… I wanted to talk to you, though, Paladin.”

Andan felt icy fear grip her chest. 

“When you go after those slavers, when you finish… whatever you lot need to do. I want to be there. When you’re ready, I’ll be here. I want to help.”

Her eyes widened, staring at the deep gnome. There was fear in her eyes, but a determination. She understood.

Andan gave a small smile, reaching her hand out, “I would have it no other way.”

The smaller woman reached for Andan’s hand and gave it a solid shake. They stood like this for a few moments before Thulla walked off without another word. 

“You talked to her..?” Andan looked up at Astarion, watching as he came to sit at her side.

He grabbed the bottle of wine she had set down, taking a hefty swig from it before he spoke, “Idle chit chat- happened to come up.”

His eyes refused to meet her own, glancing about at the celebration. He was relaxed, yet there was a nervous tension to him. He was lying, he deliberately brought it up.

Andan felt a chuckle bubble up from her chest, not bothering to stop it.

“What? Did you see something funny, love?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Oh! Oh! Was it Wyll trying to outdrink Karlach? Cause he is absolutely sloshed.”

Andan let out a whisper of a laugh, leaning into his side. She felt him tense up ever so briefly before relaxing and leaning into it. His head dipped down next to her own, lips to her ears. She felt a shiver run through, anticipation rising.

“You look rather tired, dear. I think it’s time for you to retire for the night.”

She stopped, brows furrowing. She turned her head towards him. There was no flirtatious look, no heated eyes. No, there was only the most serious look on his face.

“I’m not tired.”

“Physically? No. Socially and emotionally? Yes, darling, you are.”

She huffed, glaring at him. 

Astarion stared back, raising his brows at her, “Are you going to go back to your tent and open up that book we found?”

Andan pursed her lips, glancing away. She did find an interesting fiction novel a few days ago. She hadn’t yet had a chance to crack it open. Looking back up at him, she saw his face morph into an expression reminiscent of a pleased cat. He knew he won the moment they locked eyes once more.

“... fine. I’ll go to bed.”

“Thank you, darling.” 

“You’ll… join me later? If you want to?” He had already begun to stand at this point, stopping to look back down at her. There was something in his face that she couldn’t quite place. Was it nervousness? Whatever it was vanished the moment that he smiled at her. It was his cheshire grin, but something soft and private.

“Of course, I’ll join you in a bit, love.”

She smiled back, standing up and heading towards her tent to rest. Glancing back at him once more as she was going to close the tent flap behind her revealed that he was still watching her. His face was soft, tinged with happiness.

Would he like it? No, he would love it without a doubt. Phillen made it! He could never hate it.

This is what Andan tried in vain to convince herself. Young, oh so young Phillen was standing there with a piece of parchment in his shaking hands. She could see that he was terrified, she couldn’t let her own doubts show.

It wasn’t that Astarion had never been upset about this before, but this was different than all the other times.

She gave him a sweet smile, kneeling down in front of her son, “Astarion is going to love it, Phillen.”

The little elven boy smiled at her shakily, brown eyes shining with a hint of hope. He took her hand as they walked to the office room upstairs.

Andan gave a small knock on the door, waiting for an answer. There was the shuffle of paper and fabric before the door creaked open.

Astarion stood there, large spectacles balancing on the tip of his nose, “Yes, my dear ones?”

The retired paladin leaned up, pressing a chaste kiss to his nose, “Phillen wanted to show you something.”

The freed vampire spawn glanced down at the child, giving him a small smile. He kneeled down, letting the door open fully, “What did you want to show me?”

“Uhm, uh-... I wanted to give you this…” 

Small hands, shaking in fear, handed him the parchment facing down. Astarion took it from him slowly, facing it towards him. 

Vermillion eyes widened.

“I…”

“I’m sorry, I know it’s not good-”

“-It’s gorgeous.”

Astarion’s face had brightened, fangs flashing as he grinned. His fingers traced the stick figures on the paper.

“This is you,” fingers stopped at a small elven figure in the middle, “the lovely Andan,” next was a somewhat taller brown haired, one eyed vitiligo speckled half-elf holding one of the child’s hand, “And this must be Scratch and Saer Tay,” his pale fingers brushed over the white dog and a much taller elven man with scratches across his face, “but I must ask… who is this man holding your hand right here?” Astarion’s finger finally stopped at an elven man with white hair holding Phillen’s other hand.

The small ten year old elf looked confused, “It- it’s you.”

The rogue blinked, “Is… that what I look like?”

Phillen looked confused for a second, all fear of him being angry vanished, “You don’t know?”

Astarion shook his head, “I… as a vampire, do not have a reflection. I haven’t seen myself in a mirror.”

Phillen pursed his lips up, “Can I do something for you?”

Astarion took his spectacles off, letting them dangle from their chain around his neck, “I can’t stop you, but… you can, yes.”

The little elven child turned on his heel, going back down the stairs to where his colored charcoal and parchment were left.

Andan smiled brightly at her love, her husband. He stood up, holding the parchment gently in his hands.

“Astarion? Salen aestar, are you alright?”

He turned on his heel, going back into his office. She followed after him, glancing at all of the projects he was working on. Suits, coats, dresses, trousers- there were several mannequins in his office, and fabric everywhere.

She followed him to the bookshelf, watching him pull out a large leatherback. He opened it, revealing it to be a false book. There was a stack of parchments full of other drawings.

Andan came up from behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Head resting on his back as he mumbled and sorted through the drawings. They were all so important to him, but he enjoyed sorting them by color. Glancing over, she noticed that the most recent one was on top.

“Not color coordinating that one, hmm?”

He tensed briefly before relaxing, “Uh-... no. I think… I would like to see this one whenever I open it to put in another one of his master-pieces.”

She smiled at him, “I have a question for you, my dear…”

“Yes, love?”

“Would you like to get a family portrait? With all of us?”

He stopped, looking down at her. His face was blank, but his eyes were contemplating.

“Hmm… let’s ask Phillen and Tay… See if they are alright with that.”

Andan smiled sweetly, leaning up and pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips. She felt him turn, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of her head.

“I love you- I love this. All of this. All I could ever want, and more.”

Warmth filled her soul. She prayed this would never end.