As you get older, do you think life's consequences have more weight to them? Do you think the opportunity chances are not as abundant as they were when you're younger? Like I'm in my late 30s and I feel like I am needing more sure opportunities to make any big changes.
To me this is actually a debate I could argue both sides of. When I was in my mid to late thirties I believe I would have agreed with you. I was a new mom, I was coming out of a bad relationship, but all of the sudden it wasn't just about me. Everything before that, didn't matter. My mistakes, my failures. It just didn't matter. Of course when I was making them I didn't realize that. But the first time I looked at his little face I realized everything I did now had a consequence he might have to pay. Good or bad. I had a huge responsibility. Not just to take care of a child but to create a human and more than that...to raise a man. So those first couple years of his life I was very careful. I was very protective. I thought long and hard before I made any changes and I wasn't willing to take risks.
Now at 46, about to turn 47, the age my mother died, I feel as if I'm running out of time. The weight of my responsibilities is just as heavy but I can see the outcome of the decisions I've made when I look at him, and I have more confidence in my ability to make good decisions. I see a young man that is everything I dreamed he would be. I still have some time to go but I don't think I have the time to waist.
I made some pretty big decisions a little more than a year ago and they had some really big consequences. That's all part of the story I told you we would save for another day. But even though those decisions left me fighting for my life, I still find myself taking risks. I feel like I faced death and I'm still not entirely sure if I won, but when you lose almost everything and then somehow you find that you're still standing, what's left to be afraid of? Running out of time. That's what I'm afraid of. So now I don't take so long to make those decisions. If I think there's a chance it's going to give my child a better life, then I'm going to take that risk. If I think the good will outweigh the bad then I'm going for it. But again this is just my opinion. At this point in my life. So I wouldn't worry too much about the way you're going about things right now. I suspect you are doing exactly what you're supposed to do and when. And when it's time for that to change, it will. Just make sure that you don't let yourself run out of time💕🙏
