#and reflection

Ever since I was little I always got the impression Randall was an autistic boy who just wanted people to like him, to be accepted and praised, but ultimately ends up with the wrong crowd- Which ALSO reminds me of my experience with autism in a school setting where people will only come to you if you can be ‘useful’ to them, like ROR with Randall’s camouflage ability, and how easy it is to be tricked into mistaking this for genuine kindness.

On the topic of camouflage, whether intentional or not, it’s a perfect metaphor for masking, ‘blending in’. And how Randall has to change who he is just to fit in, starting out small by taking off his glasses, and ending with him completely changing who he is as a person. It all hits way too close to home for me.

And I’m not excusing any of his actions, but I can emphasize with his experiences that cause him to be this way. How his jealousy turns into hatred. I’ve felt all of those things. How one bad experience can change you. It’s just. UUUUUGH.

I don’t know if it’s really an autism thing but I’ve noticed a common theme of me and my nd friends having particular issues with letting go of the past/holding grudges.

Even if he was hypothetically given a second chance, there’d still be that bitter, petty side of him that will always be there because it’s been practically engraved into his head ever since that one moment.

And on the topic of the incident™️, there’s the topic of Johnny. I’m out for blood when I see this asshole. I’ve been in Randall’s exact position of trying to get in with the popular crowd. When Johnny told him to “do the thing” and he giddily obeyed immediately like a puppy desperate to please so they could gawk at him.

He mistook their ‘acceptance’ as friendship. But the only reason why they kept him around was because of his ability, similar how the popular kids will keep around the oblivious autistic kid to use as a punching bag or a jester. They were never laughing with you. They were laughing at you.

MaW is cool and all but I don’t buy that Randall and Johnny were ‘besties’, especially not after the scare games. My personal belief is that Randall left them and secluded himself from people after what happened, never getting over his humiliation and shame, and hatred for Sully. He gets so fixated on proving himself that nothing else matters, and thus he never grows as a person. It may seem far fetched to a normal person, but to me I understand. I get how easy it is to slip into that mindset, to let one bad experience eat away at you and change you, how it makes you withdraw from other people and let yourself get enveloped in your feelings.

I just, idk… I want to see him grow, too. Because I know he’s more than just the hatred and jealousy that’s been building inside of him. He wasn’t always like this, we know that. One experience can ruin you, but it can also save you.

As "Nocturnal Rhymes" marks its one-year anniversary of debut, the book's impact is still felt throughout the literary scene. Yash Tambe, a talented writer and visual artist, wrote this wonderful collection of poems, which has touched the hearts and minds of people all over the world.

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