#and museums

painfully aware of all the wasted time in cambridge and how what i might have wanted to do is just not ever gonna happen. idk if i'd have liked punting but i never went and now the friends who i'd have gone with are all too busy in exams and about to graduate. maybe i should have gone to the formals and just suffered through the sensory overload so that i could have taken photos with my friends at the end of the night and convinced myself afterwards i had fun. i've been to a couple of museums here, but only with my parents. i spent hours and hours in this stupid place hiding in toilets, self-destructing, not going to things because i was too scared, when i could - should - have been exploring the prettiest parts of cambridge with my friends. friends who were too fucking busy all the fucking time. friends whose social calendars were always already full of "drinks with [ensemble i'm not in] after the concert" or "dnd with [a group they formed before i met that friend]" - no one's excluding me on purpose, but what are you meant to do when you have friends you love but you missed out on all the things you wish you could have done with them and now it's too late? no one has time to do anything. i feel so so alone and i have for so long and it never seems to get any better

i NEED to be in the sunny window-shielded corner of a library kids/teens section on a tuesday afternoon in the spring in 3rd grade, in my favorite outfit curled up with nothing but time to dive back into whatever series i’m enjoying at the moment, a burlap sack of 27 more titles sitting next to me ready to take home when i’m ready

Someone take me to every museum in the world. I just want to see dinosaurs and weird paintings.

I've decided to go to London by myself in January