one of the consequences of growing up neglected is struggling to take care of myself as an adult. i was never able to internalize that model of meeting my basic needs, because it didn’t exist in my upbringing.Â
i really struggle staying on top of basic self-care things. i have chronic pain that could really be helped by certain exercises, but i always need the pain to get really bad to muster up the motivation to do them. i also have a hard time cooking for myself (not for lack of skill, my mom was a cook! i learnt some things!), and cleaning, and getting errands done.
today i really needed to go to the grocery store, but i kinda accepted it wouldn’t happen because i don’t care enough about myself to force it. i could just eat toast for the next fews days, i thought. who cares? but i lay around and let the idea roll around in my head: i work all week and it will be harder to do the groceries later, when i do finally run out of bread for my toast. eventually, almost naturally, the motivation descended upon me - as it does for most neurotypical people, probably - and i just got up and went.Â
i tricked myself into doing something good! i love when that happens.Â
