How has rp changed you personally? and I hope nothing is too bad at the hospital !!!
honesty meme //
accepting
15. How has rp changed you personally?
personally i feel as though it’s just made me a lot more empathetic, really. in the sense that it’s allowed me to get into the actual head space of another character, building them from the ground up, expanding on their world and their lore and otherwise allowing me to understand their point of view in ways you don’t necessarily get in touch with when you write things like fanfiction.
i’ve always been a very detail oriented person, but i believe rp only amplified that further for me, really. to the point where i know my muse so well now because i started with her as largely a set slate, and then over time, that set began to evolve and then her own emotions and personality gradually came through. in the end - she’s become the one giving me the information other then my directing it on my own; the way i was when i was writing my own stories for other people. it’s so different because i can focus on her; on her headcannons and drabbles and everything in between, and the emotion is there - the person and the fictional consciousness is actually there - and she’s just reacting to what’s happening and essentially using me as her mouth piece, taking me along for the ride.
it just gives you a lot to take into consideration, more then anything. it’s kinda worked like therapy for me in the sense that it gave me a lot of understanding into my own emotions as well. by being able to analyze this muse and the intricacies behind her persona, sorting it out in my head like she was giving me her thoughts and i was translating them for her like a therapist - it’s allowed me to also recognize my own feelings and why i’ve come to feel certain emotions the way i do. there’s a rationality to it that’s so helpful, that rather then just feeling things - i’m understanding the details and scenarios that’s led up to them, sort of separating myself from me and examining myself the way i would a character in a book.
it makes me more forgiving of myself in the long run, and gives me more patience and understanding when it comes to other people.
rp has also become very therapeutic for me in the sense that it gives me a place to escape for a while, you know? i wasn’t really able to do that with my fanfics - or at least, not to the extent that i do with rp. with rp, there’s just so many external and internal factors i can use and focus to build upon jackie’s story, getting inspiration from other muns and their muses in order to move forward, as opposed to me just being shut away in my own head and thinking about things and plotting them on my own.
it’s dynamic and it’s exciting, and there’s so many things you don’t always expect and it keeps me preoccupied thinking about the possibilities. like, jackie never shuts up anymore and my mind is always running off with ideas - i day dream about the intricacies and potentials of her life to sometimes dull the bad parts of my own, and it helps me cope until i’m able to deal with things properly, bless her soul. ✨✨
lastly, rp’s taught me to be more proud of myself and what i write?? because i’ve grown so much since i’ve started and found my own style and i’ve been able to get direct feedback on what works and what doesn’t from other writers i genuinely admire??? writers even that i can build an actual friendship with. like, these are people i would have never met had i been writing on my own, and it can get lonely when all you’re doing is writing chapter after chapter and just having people review it. but here, these are writers i can both look up to and learn from, and their influence has had a direct hand in how my style has changed throughout the years.
it was a mess before and i thought i was at least passably good. i was not, i was shit, and the environment i was in did not necessarily encourage any growth besides being just good enough. i’m glad i can read my stuff now and know there’s still room for improvement, and yet manage to be happy with it.
also one last thing, but !! finally, rp has taught me not to be as anxious, too! at least in terms of interacting and messaging new people or just casually booping them softly and then running off once we’ve had a bit of quick communication. it’s allowed me to actually figure out my voice online and has given me confidence to project it, and really, i didn’t think i would stick with this hobby this long or build up as much of a presence as i did ( hell, my best friend very recently told me when i screamed at him about my threads ‘I’m very surprised you’re stillinto this, I didn’t think you’d get so intensely involved as you did ) AND YET SURPRISE SURPRISE, I’M STILL HERE AND STILL SCREAMING ABOUT THE SAME DAMN MUSE I STARTED WITH, I’M AMAZED AND HAPPY TOO ✨ ✨✨ ✨✨ ✨
