#ammaedit

You were born into it, that cold nature. I think that's why as your mother I never loved you.

I hope that brings you some comfort.

books read in 2016-2017 : a million miles away by lara avery

I blame my mother.

A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort.

“I hurt,” She squealed, and twirled out onto the street, spinning flamboyantly, her head back, her arms outstretched like a swan. 

“ I LOVE IT!” She s c r e a m e d. The echo ran down the street, where my mother’s house stood watch on the corner.

"C A M I L L E ?" Her voice quiet and girlish and unsure. "You know how people sometimes say they have to hurt because if they don't, they're so numb they won't feel anything?"

"What if it's the opposite?" Amma whispered. "What if you hurt because it feels so GOOD? Like you have a tingling, like someone left a switch on in your body. And nothing can turn it off except hurting?"

Ann and Natalie died because Adora payed attention to them. Amma could only view it as a raw deal. Amma, who had allowed my mother to sicken her for so long.

Amma controlled Adora by letting Adora sicken her. In return she demanded uncontested love and loyalty.

No other little girls allowed.

For the same reasons she murdered Lilly Burke. Because, Amma suspected, I liked her better.

You can come up with four thousand other guesses, of course, about why Amma did it. In the end, the fact remains: Amma enjoyed hurting.

"I like violence," she'd shrieked at me.

I blame my mother. A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort.