#amesome

A Dutch reader has mentioned that in Netherlands they call pineapple “ananas”. Curiously, that’s what Russians call pineapple as well - “ananas”, only in Cyrillic it’s written “ананас”. Ананас sounds like “а на нас” which means “about us” in Russian, which leads us(нас) to one of my favorite jokes in Russian language:

A teacher asks a pupil:                                                                                             -  Use “Ananas” in a sentence.                                                                            - Daddy left us for another woman.                                                                        - What about ananas?                                                                                           - Didn’t give a shit ananas!

Anyhow, the dutch reader - the same one who told me about ananas - has messaged me and kindly requested that I use the word “ananas” when speaking about pineapple. Absolutely! 

So here is my pineapple bit partially in Dutch:

EVERYONE LOVES ANANAS!

It’s festive, it’s fun, it’s yellow! You simply can’t go wrong: ananas is vegan, gluten-free, and does not contain peanuts. It’s Kosher, Halal, and is Hindu-friendly. Someone brought pizza? Add ananas! Someone brought champagne? Add ananas, too! See? Festive and fun! Friend’s on a diet? I have five words for you: Ananas Cheese Pizza Lettuce Wrap(it’s like ananas cheese pizza sub lettuce): DE-LI-CIOUS!

You don’t even have to eat ananas!

Ananas is great for home decor. It’s top is green and luscious: simply plonk an ananas in a flower pot - and you have a house plant that you don’t have to water!

Use ananas for self-defense. Dark street, not feeling safe? Talk to your ananas! People are less likely to mess with you if they think you are crazy. Already in a fight? You’ve got yourself a powerful weapon - ananas is heavy, and no-one expects you to use it. Plus, If you slap the person with ananas you’ll both win: you just stood up for yourself, they have a funny story. “Tried to fuck this chick, got hit in the face with an ananas - that’s some fucked up shit, brah…”

How about competitive tossing? You don’t have to hit anyone with an ananas, you can just throw it. Ananas are much more accurate(and way friendlier) than midgets. Fun and festive party game!

What else? You can bring an ananas on a date. if you get stood up, you won’t feel so bummed out - because unlike the flowers, you can eat the ananas. Or you can bring it to your friend’s going away party. Ananas make great party gifts because

If we want it we take it,if we need money we make it..