#americanporter

Brewery : Evans Beer : Chocolatte Porter Style : American Porter / Porter Variance : Brewed Using Dark and Chocolate Grains and a Smidge of Coca Nibs and Coffee

8.5 / 10

Giuchie, guichie, yaya dada. Guichie, guichie, yaya here. Mocha Chocolatte Porter. Creole lady Marmalade. I’m pretty sure those are the lyrics but honestly I never paid too close of attention because I was too busy being mesmerized by Christina Aguilera, Lil’ Kim, Mya, and Pink being dressed up like vintage prostitutes. I would pop my monocle out in a heart beat and slide out of my full body underwear just to get a peek at what’s under those crazy outfits and if you’re asking what that has to do with this beer… the answer is nothing. Ok?! You caught me. Anyways, Evans decided to send out a few bottles for me to review and since this is being written before work I decided to start with Chocolatte Porter so it can give me a little giddy-up and motivation to head into retail hell today which I definitely needed. The artwork alone should be enough to make you want to taste this but the flavor is just as good starting with some dark chocolate and oats before a nice roasty flavor mixes in with some hints of coffee and smoke before ending with almost a faint peanut butter flavor with more of that delicious chocolate to close. If there was a mountain made of coffee and chocolate I’m pretty sure I would pixelize myself and Minecraft style dig my way right into the center of it and build my forever home where I would live in a constant state of being both horny and overly stimulated until I eventually died from over-masturbation. That’s right boys and girls, you can die from jerking off too much so be careful. Is that an actual fact? Guess you’ll have to find out the hard way huh? You’ll either end up with arms like Scott Steiner or looking like Chris Cornell so good luck readers! Anyways, this is a fantastic first impression from a brewery I really knew little about besides the fact that they have killer illustrations on their bottles but if this is in any way a sign of what’s to come from the rest of their stuff, I can’t wait to dive in. If this is your first time going black I would definitely recommend snagging this because even though you probably will go back eventually, it’s flavors will have you head over heels in love for at least a little while. As for you pros, get out that pick-axe and head to Chocolate mountain and drink up because you do not want to miss out on this beer. Enjoy!