#amatia

@foxanddanapetrie​‘s (Ao3) Don’t Let Her Get Hurt This Time 

““She has a daughter. Mulder has envisioned just about every scenario of their life together.  Scully and him dating, them getting married, them having kids - a daughter, a son maybe.  Adopting a kid they might have stumbled across on a case. He’s imagined them buying a house - in the city or in the country.  He thinks about what they’d decorate their house with. He’s decided that he’ll let her decorate. Probably with some things from her mother’s house.  He’s imagined her as a mom, him as a dad watching their kids open Christmas presents while she holds a mug of tea to keep her hands warm. But he never imagined this.

He’s driving 20 over the speed limit in the 1992 rental car he snagged for cheap on his way out of the airport.  He doesn’t care if anything happens to it.””

Mulder speeds to Scully and Emily, making wild plans of their future together. His hopes and anxieties only increase after he meets her.

@kateyes224‘s (Ao3) 

Things You Said - Chapter 2 

It took three days, but she finally stopped hanging up as soon as she heard my voice.  Something was wrong, I could hear it in the crushing silence on the other end of the line before a =click= signaled that the call was dead and I was left staring at the receiver, dumbfounded, growing angrier by the second at the interminable drone of the dial tone....

When had she ever not had words for me?

Mulder’s hurt and dread builds after Scully’s aborted call; but it vanishes when she finally loops him into the tragedy unfolding in California. 

Unnamed  

Scully thought, not for the first time, how gravely serious her daughter was.  How little she smiled.  Emily lifted a small hand to Scully’s face.  “It’s okay, I’ve been to the hospital before.  My mommy used to tell me secrets on the way.  Tell me a secret.” Scully swallowed hard, closing her eyes before meeting Mulder’s gaze again in the rear view mirror.  She tried to smile at Emily, brushing the girl’s damp hair back from her face.  “Okay…well, you know my friend, Mulder?” 

Emily nodded silently.  “He doesn’t like anybody to know this, but his real name is Fox.”

Emily’s forehead scrunched.  “Fox?  Like Robin Hood?” This time, Scully’s smile was genuine as she heard Mulder chuff a laugh from the front seat.

Emily wakes in the car on the way to the hospital; and Scully bonds with her while very aware of Mulder’s quiet vigilance. 

Donna’s (Gossamer, mulderscreek) 

I’m On My Way (Gossamer) 

She was definitely not okay. "An X-file?" He tried to make his tone light, but knew, at least with this woman, he had failed.

"Apparently so."

That stopped him again. For her to admit something like that . . . his stomach hurt.

Mulder’s fairly relaxing Christmas is turned upside down by Scully’s tearful call. 

His Emily Thoughts (Gossamer) 

Emily was a special needs child.  He'd done his research.  The child would never be well, would probably not live to a ripe old age.  And Scully would be hurt again.  The question was should she endure the hurt now or later.  Either way, it was inevitable and that thought was devastating to him.

And he would not be there to help her.  Oh, he'd be there as much as she allowed, but this was Scully.  She would want to take on this burden and not admit she needed any help.  His help.

Mulder’s stomach is in knots as he sits on the Scully couch-- feeling ominous about the future and hurt thinking he’d be shut out either way. 

Feeling Safe (Gossamer) 

Safe.  A strange word, especially now, but it seemed to be the correct description for what she was feeling.  She was watching his hands gripping the steering wheel - so strong, his fingers lean and tanned.  He wasn't looking at her, concentrating instead on the road, but she knew he was totally aware of her.  He was trying to give her the space he thought she wanted.  For that she was grateful, much more solicitousness and she would explode.

That was why she has chosen to ride with him.

Mulder is driving her home, and Scully feels safe-- so much so that she plans to fall apart with him once she arrives back at her place. 

After Emily (Gossamer) 

He took the stairs down to the basement, ignoring the elevator.  He was in a hurry.  The door was open and the light on.  That startled him and he slowed.  Who would be here this late?  For sure they didn't belong.

Mulder is pulled up short by the sight of Scully crying in the office after closing hours. He understands, and assures her she is not alone. 

XP1′s Still Waters 

“I’m not expressing...myself...correctly. Or very well. Or even…” He sighed and brought his hands to her biceps, stepped a bit closer. He whispered to her so closely his words stirred what loose strands of hair she had at her crown. “I...I need you to know that there’s...meaning...behind this, what I’m saying, or, asking...that this isn’t…”

She put a hand to his chest and patted once, then rubbed. He wasn’t sure who the touch was meant to console. He couldn’t watch a child die, he thought, and ... he could not watch her do the same. He bit his lip to still some of the depths of his feelings. His breathing was ragged, but she moved closer, rubbed the tension he was putting on his jaw.

“I know.” she told him, tipping her head up. The tip of her nose brushed his chin. “I know you. I know.” His jaw clenched and the lids of his eyes were hot with the promise of tears.

“Relax”. She asked of him. He tried, took a breath. “Relax.” she repeated, and so he was, after a moment.

Mulder is brimming with anger and stress in the wake of his custody testimony; and desperation for solutions leads him to propose to Scully. He is appalled that she rejects: not at her rejection so much as his perception of her defeat. In a beautiful moment of absolute honesty, Scully lays out for him the sad realities of Emily’s impending demise, using her pain to save all three of them.

The characterization and dialogue in this piece is next-level. Mulder’s speech is phrased exactly how he’s acted on-screen; and Scully’s gentle honesty, while hard for her to admit, saves her and Mulder and Emily from more pain. 

Highly recommend reading! 

Fialka‘s Soliloquy 01 - Bill Scully 

You took one of my sisters, then you almost took the other. Now she's sitting on the couch, crying her heart out, and what do you do? You just sit there, talking about nothing. Oh, you say, but she's not crying. That's what I mean. You don't know her. Dana doesn't cry with tears. She cries with silence. Mom knows that. Lookat her over there, fixing coffee for all of us. She's waiting.

Bill internally directs his hatred at Mulder, darkly reminiscing about all the times he’d taken up for his sister. He settles into simmering resentment that she shuts all but her partner out.

stellar_dust’s (Ao3) Family (Ao3) 

“Wait!  I need to  need to take a sample, we've got to get this analyzed ..." her voice trailed off as she searched frantically in her pockets for a vial.

"Scully, no."  Mulder reached out and grasped her hand, stilling it. "Don't do this to yourself ... let her go."  

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, heaved it out, swallowing.  He was right.  "All right."  She nodded.  "Give me give me one more second.”

Mulder stops Scully from taking a sand sample from the coffin, kindly affirming her choices and reflecting more deeply on the ones that his parents had made.

@baronessblixen​​‘s (Ao3) 

Unnamed Prompt #24 

“She's had to say goodbye to Emily before she had the chance to properly say hello. Baby Matthew might never know he had a cousin named Emily, once.

"I should go inside," she says, opening her eyes and biting her bottom lip. Inside, they'll look at her, pity her, watch her with curious eyes when she holds her nephew. She is not ready. What will she see once she turns to Mulder? Is that how he’s going to look at her, too?” 

Scully is in the throws of grief after Emily’s death, and dreads walking back inside seeing everyone’s pity and sadness. Mulder understands and knows how to support. 

Unnamed Prompt for cuddle fic  

“I’m sorry, Mulder. I didn’t mean to-” Scully’s voice is dull, is teary, is too much. Mulder listens with his ear close to the answering machine. Another click – the message is over. He rewinds the message again and again. Something is wrong. The lights still off, Mulder grabs his coat again. The food on the table is forgotten, as are the files. His only thought is Scully.”

Mulder receives a morbid, unfinished call from Scully on New Years, and rushes over. She just wanted company for the first holiday after her daughter’s death. 

Dashing Through the Snow 

“Scully, look." Maybe it's because his voice is full of wonderment that she does follow the direction of his finger. The park across the street looks like a tiny winter wonderland with its snow-touched trees and meadows. That's not what Mulder means to show her, though. Scully watches as children of all ages sled down a small hill and she'll blame the cold wind for it, her eyes start watering.

"We need to get back to work, Mulder." She doesn't want to see this. 

Mulder helps Scully navigate her complicated pain around children; and the two end up borrowing one of the park kiddies’ sleds.

@frogsmulder​​/Brynstein‘s “I’m right where I belong” (Ao3) 

In unison, they make their way to her couch, like they’ve always done it like this: him entertaining a little three year old whilst her mother cooks up a feast of spaghetti bolognaise fit for kings; telling her stories of mothman and bigfoot whilst she drew her interpretations with the crayon in her chubby toddler hand. And of course the Mr Potato head impressions that had her in fits of giggles and rolling around on the floor much to her mother’s delight. Like he didn’t play the part of domestic husband, washing the plates and dishes and cleaning up the crayons, whilst Scully had bathed her daughter and put her to bed.

A happier reality with Emily alive and love blossoming is followed up immediately by the harsh reality of Scully’s loss and their mutual pain.

Piper’s Pajamas 

I stand against the wall, silently bearing witness to this ritual of closure.  I don't respond to her statement - somehow I don't think that she expected me to.  There's really no reason for me to be here.  As experienced as I am in self-torture, today Scully is beating me by a mile.  All I do is keep vigil as she stubbornly insists on boxing up the clothing that she bought in such blind hope for Emily, now about to be worn by some Goodwill kid who doesn't know even know how lucky she is to be alive.

Mulder silently witnesses Scully’s grief as she packs up Emily’s clothes for donation, both knowing that her death crushed both of their dreams.

Alanna’s Fortress 

We're on a freeway, heading somewhere.  Driving around in circles, mimicking our souls.   Cars zip around us but I barely notice the road.  I need to touch her, to make sure she is still there inside her shell -- that she hasn't slipped away from me altogether.  So I reach my right hand over and lay it gently on the back of her hand, painfully contracting my arm muscles so that I might not hurt or startle her.  She turns toward me and the traffic is sparse so I hazard a quick glance at her, my eyes meeting hers. 

And then her hand moves under mine and her palm meets my own, her fingers twining into mine.

Shattered Mulder decides to keep driving so he and Scully can have time to bind up their compounding wounds. He is relieved he opens up on their Tijuana detour, heartbreakingly honest though it may be.

@greekowl87​/@darkesttimelinestuff​ ‘s (Ao3) Drabbles Collection - Chapter 2 

He hugged her tightly, ignorant of the potential older brother danger as she cried harder. He closed his eyes, wishing and willing to take all of her pain away.

“I just wanted a chance, Mulder.”

A case keeps Scully longer in San Diego; and finally she breaks. Mulder comforts her in her purgatory.

@the-spooky-alien​ ‘s Day 10 of Fictober  “Sometimes I think it would be better if you stayed away from me.''

It sounds weak in the air between them. Every words shake under the weight of his guilt. His eyes never leave the road.

She wishes he would look at her.

Scully insists Mulder pull over so that she can instantly squash his self-loathing; however, she still can’t fully admit why she chose him.

Diana Alexander‘s Introspections 

After my cancer was cured, I had to get used to actually *living* again.  I was so prepared to meet Death with stubborn will blazing in my eyes, and a straight spine that I hadn't really prepared myself for the chance that there would be a cure that would keep me in this world a little while longer. I was lost for a long time afterwards, and now, at Christmas, I get the biggest blow since I discovered the cancer that was lodged in my head.

Scully had been prepared to lose the fight to cancer; but can’t seem to recover from the painful loss of her daughter. She retreats internally to lick her wounds.

@starbuck09256​‘s (Ao3) Hope  

Everytime she closes her eyes she sees a scared little face begging her to stop the tests. She sees Mulder clutching yellow flowers too tightly as his own sorrow for her pours from his eyes. He knows what this tiny child was to her. He knows that she wanted another life another path, not because of him or their quest. But because fate had chosen her to live on, she had been returned survived the incurable and yet her destiny wasn’t to find the joys that she had forsaken it was as if she was being punished for fighting.

Mulder barges into Scully’s apartment, refusing to let her shut him out. His comfort and common sense make all the difference.

Sheryl Martin’s

Tradition 

Dropping the suitcase by the stairs, she walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on; making a mental note to call Dana in a few hours and see how she was feeling. She had looked pretty rough in the car. Hadn't slept a wink on the flight, although she had put her head down on Mulder's shoulder for most of the time. He hadn't said a word, just put his hand atop hers and looked quickly over for approval. A smile was all he needed, and a slight nod of her head. He'd take care of her as best he could. And she had faith in him.

Maggie adds Emily to the family Bible because she was her granddaughter no matter what.

A Mother’s Thoughts 

Whatever the mystery behind her existence, she was still my grandchild - maybe the one I'll miss the most. But no matter how much I talk to the priest; how many candles I light and prayers I say for all of them, I still don't understand why. Specifically, why me. Why Dana. Why Fox.

Maggie’s pain over their combined familial loss in Emily’s death bleeds into her doubts and constant questions to God. It’s a hard road trying to trust in His plan. 

Gillian Leigh‘s (mulderscreek) Sleepless Roads  

Stepping into the living room, she stopped short of saying her daughter's name a third time when she found her sitting on the couch, sound asleep with her laptop open on her lap. There was a large postal manila envelope on the couch beside her marked with the words "Films Included: Do Not X-Ray". A quick glance at the screen of the laptop showed her that her daughter had been researching adoption. Puzzled, she gently shook Scully's shoulder to wake her.

Maggie is the quiet glue keeping Scully together; but she makes time to drop in on Mulder and make sure he’s getting some sleep. She convinces her daughter not to shut him out; but isn’t privy to the bigger bombshell that Scully reveals to Mulder later.

@i-gaze-at-scully‘s (Ao3) 

Chapter One: Protect  

On a plane to California, Mulder considers briefly if the ova he carries in his pocket should be allowed past airport security. He’s a federal agent, so no one really ever asks, but he wonders. He turns the cylinder over in his pocket, the smooth surface spinning, spinning under his fingertips. She has no idea. Tens of thousands of feet in the air and he knows he’s about to drop the biggest bomb on the person he cares most about in this world. He hopes it is the right decision.

Mulder’s developing thoughts throughout the episode crescendo in love and happiness when he finds a cure for little Emily. He assures Scully she won’t be raising her alone. 

All I Want for Christmas (Ao3) 

Scully is not a last minute shopper. She has all her gifts purchased, wrapped, and packed by 9 AM, December 24. She’ll drive to Annapolis on Christmas morning, early to beat the traffic, and spend the day accepting her mother’s well-intentioned pity. Dana, could you help me in the kitchen? Dana, would you ask Tara to grab your brother? I want to take a picture of you two. Maggie knows. 

Mulder, Mulder knows too.

Scully is so grateful that Mulder distracted her from the painful reminder of last Christmas that she gets him an extra special gift. 

Mystic‘s Beautiful Release

Her eyes stung as she wiped at them and looked back to the window, not able to sleep without dreaming about Emily.

She sometimes wondered just why the girl had affected her so much. How she'd been able to become attached so quickly to her.  

She tried to stop herself from thinking her name, but it didn't work.  It had etched into her mind as had countless other moments and names in her life.  She could only make Emily go away by thinking of Mulder and that brought her pain too.

Mulder and Scully finally make that next step when a case stirs up a painful Emily reminder. 

AUs 

Jennifer Brady’s December 

Scully brought my world down in the simple words she spoke. "Mulder, I need you," Maybe those were'nt her *exact* words, but that's what I heard. You know me, when Scully needs anything that I can provide, I'm all over it. So here I am, out the front door, heading to my partner's side. 

I really would'nt have it any other way.

The devastation of Emily’s death pushes Mulder and Scully closer together. 

Maidenjedi’s Would That I Could Travel Both

She went to California a single lady in her thirties. Hard not to think about her age and her marital status in one sentence like that; she'd been thinking too much about families and love and her place in the world. And then Bill and Tara were standing outside the terminal waiting for Dana and Maggie, Tara as big as a house and a year younger than her sister-in-law. It was a lot to take.

Amidst many assorted AUs, Scully leaves the FBI to become Emily’s mom, much to Mulder’s resigned and pained disappointment.

@leiascully​‘s (Ao3) Unnamed

Under observation, they spend several days with Emily.  Mulder promises to take her to Disneyland in the summer.  Her face lights up.  The social worker smiles and makes notes on her clipboard.

Mulder and Scully rush into marriage to adopt Emily and quit the FBI. Fortunately for them, Mulder is independently wealthy and ready to re-prioritize his life.

@scapegrace74-blog​​‘s (Ao3) Wraith

Perplexed and perhaps a bit put off by the fact that Scully was entertaining a guest in her pajamas with no make-up, he made his way cautiously to the kitchen.   An empty cereal bowl and a half-drunk glass of orange juice were laid out on the table, but there was no other sign of occupation.

Scully stood by the doorway, her bloodshot eyes shining brightly, and gestured toward the empty kitchen chair.

“Mulder, I’d like you to meet Lily.”

Scully is gradually descending into madness-- or Mulder thinks so, until he arrives barely in time to see a wraith drowning her.

Donna’s (Gossamer, mulderscreek)

Trick or Treat (Gossamer)

This wasn't happening.  He wasn't having a conversation with Emily, Scully's Emily.  Even if . . . if Emily had lived, she'd be older.  And she hadn't lived.  Okay, the body had been stolen, but she had been dead.  He'd been there.

"For Halloween."

"Oh."  This was not happening.  Who was this little girl, and where were her parents?

Mulder is shocked to see Emily’s spirit within eyesight everytime he tries to meet up with Diana. The little girl has some sage advice for him and his relationship with Scully. 

jeri‘s (mulderscreek) Ersatz Matriarch 

Scully studied the paper carefully. "Do you think it's really over? Could we possibly lead normal lives?"

"Only one way to find out." He dropped the sheet and held her hands tightly in his own. "Marry me, Scully. I mean, like next week. Before the boys are born."

Scully blinked. "What?”

Mulder and Scully decide to use their downtime under Kersh to pursue IVF-- after faking a marriage at the clinic and failing at their first round, they scrounge up a successful surrogate and begin the rocky road to parenthood (while being deluged with weird X-File info about the pregnancy from Marita, congratulating a newly-married Byers, and avoiding Bill’s newest tantrum.) Skinner even manages to make their New Years the best yet.

sohmer‘s discrete edges 

i'm not unhappy, she thinks suddenly. mulder coughs beside her and she blinks several times in rapid succession in an attempt to refocus her vision. her surroundings click into place.

the thought comes again, louder. it hurts her like vertigo, like ice on naked skin. not unhappy, she tells herself. discomfort comes to mind, or perhaps loneliness. i hadn’t felt lonely with emily.

Scully’s repressed pain over Emily builds and builds after a trip to Skinner’s Christmas Party. Mulder bides his time, slowly peeling the words out of her. 

@ghostbustermelanieking​/skuls‘s (Alt. Ao3) 

Christmas Ficlets - Chapter 2 

She's felt sick on and off these past weeks, growing dizzy and nauseous and eventually having to lean over the sink the night before, but she never expected this. Never thought she'd actually faint at work.

One minute, she's standing by a festoon of Christmas decorations in the hallway (the FBI has Christmas decorations?) and arguing the authenticity of Mulder's toxic slime theory, and the next, her vision is spotted and her legs are weak, the room spinning as she falls and darkness falling like a curtain.

Requiem--Scully faints at the office; but the panic that gripped her and Mulder melts with their shocking pregnancy news. They barely contain themselves before telling Emily back home. 

where the love light gleams  

William wants to know about their mother. “Did you ever know her?” he asks Emily one day, shoving away the copy of Peter Pan. He’s been asking questions tiredly for the past couple of weeks, and she’s been avoiding them, doesn’t want to let him down.

She thinks she had parents, a long time ago, but they can’t be William’s parents because they died. She remembers that. And her mother always told her she was adopted, so that must mean she has a different mother somewhere. She thinks she remembers someone who sat with her on the floor and colored, who whispered things about how they might live together someday. She thinks that the woman had bright hair like her, eyes and freckles like hers and William’s.

In an alternate universe, Emily was shuffled off to a compound run by the CSM; soon to be joined by a captured William. Following the few and vague memories she has to rely on, the two are able to escape and try to find a way to West Virginia (with help from an unnamed woman who seems to recognize them.) 

Lapsed_Scholar’s Family Stories

“It’s Picture Day next week,” explains Emily, still serious. “Mrs. Martin gave us forms. I want to be pretty for the picture, so I need a pretty dress.”

“You look pretty every day, sweetheart. You don’t need a special dress for that.” She’s trying to reassure, but Emily looks up at her, small face conveying disapproval, so she hurries to clarify, “But picture day is a special occasion, and a special occasion does deserve a special dress.”

She’s still fairly new to this—parenting. She wonders if parents who have more experience are more prepared for these conversations, or if it’s something that you always just sort of fumble through.

This series deals with Mulder and Scully navigating the uncharted waters of parenting Emily-- as new parents, then as parents on the run with their children, then as parents of a teen girl with a rambunctious little brother. But they wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

Wheeeeeew! That’s over! Hope you all have a merry feast of angsty fics~.