#alwaysssorry

there’s nothing romantic about dying.

i don’t need to apologize for existing.

i learned that sometimes people pull away, and if it hurts

that’s the way you care.

i learned that i have this way of cutting myself down so that

i’m small enough for you to love.

you never did.

i learned that sometimes you can go from being strangers to friends to best friends to lovers to strangers to trying- to- be- friends.

i learned that i’m happiest when i’m talking to you

that maybe your love is my lifeline,

even if you never really loved me the same way.

i hoped that maybe i was just so used to people leaving

that i was imagining the way you were separating yourself from my heart.

i wonder if maybe i did something wrong

or if i’m just that much more invisible than everyone else.

you make me feel lonely.

i’m sorry i feel this way, and i’m sorry i can’t stop. i would if i could and i want to but i can’t.

talking to you for more than a minute makes it better, but then you stop responding and i start crying. sobs rip from my chest like a shooting star and i’m on fire.

you make my stomach ache like i’ve swallowed starlight. like it aches and it aches and it won’t stop aching.

i apologize for the way that i smoke cigarettes, like i can’t stop seeing stars in the dark. it’s too late to go back even though, now, i’m coughing up starlight.

moodboard for how i’m feeling: 2/?

11/11/17 1:25pm