#alternative paths

Phil Collins - Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)

[[Oh my god, why… Why did I have to be a song like that… This is going to turn out very very veeeeery… “interesting”…]]

A Morbid Obsession AU: Kamiizumi had not known the necromancer for long, but by some strange chain of events, he had fallen for the strange woman.

And for a while, she had returned those feelings. Until the inevitable happened.

Now, as one would have already imagined from how well the swordmaster handled losing Mahzer’s favour to his friend Braev, he did not respond overly well to that.

For weeks he has been following her, trying to get her to get back together with him, to love him truly. Even if the odds are against him, even if fate denies him this, he carries on, obsessed with that strange woman.

All the while not knowing that his obsession stems from an unwillingly placed enchantment binding his emotions…

And today, he has sought her out once more, pleading her to take off her mask and look at him. How will Melinoe react when she sees that the swordmaster has taken to such drastic measures as giving himself facial scars akin to hers?

(Holy fuck, this is a disturbing one. I’m actually kinda terrified. Damn, Kamiizumi.)

She didn’t have to take off her mask to see what he had done to himself, but she did so to show him the anger on her face.

"Nobutsuna… How… How dare you!”

She raised her hand and hit him sharply across the cheek.

"Why would you think I want this? Do you think simply my appearance is what separated us? I left because I didn’t want to see you get hurt, and then you go and do this to yourself…"

Tears began to well up in her eyes, and she pulled her former lover close to her, held him in her arms.

"Please, please, do not do this to yourself for my sake…"

"i… I… I wanted… I…" - It is of no use, the swordmaster cannot find any words to speak, his voice was too weak right now and when she pulled him close to her and held him, even the attempt to speak died a silent death.

In his confused mind, he had indeed thought that perhaps it was a part of why she left, and he had wanted to show her he did not care about the scars in her face. That they were not a disfigurement in his eyes, but rather a story waiting to be told. A feature. Something that made her special…

But he had also felt it to be necessary so he could understand her better. Like, walk a mile in her shoes and the like, or whatever they called it. Not once did he spare a thought on it displeasing her, yes, even angering her. Not a single thought.

But it was apparent he had angered her.

So why, by the crystals, why did he right now not feel ashamed of himself? Why was he actually feeling relieved, now that she held him again like this? He… he just couldn’t understand it…

Just like he couldn’t stop himself from placing his arms around her as well.

She took his face in her hand, and stared deep into his eyes.

"Nobutsuna, I want you to be safe, to be well. I can’t come back to you, not like this. But, I assure you, I will stay by your side until you are well."

She pressed her face deep into his shoulder now, tears seeping into his robe.

"I just can’t bear seeing the pain I’ve put you through, and now to see it upon your skin… I do not deserve your love."

"I… I… I just… I just don’t understand…. I cannot understand…"

The swordmaster was still obviously quite confused, yet still, he kept on holding the necromancer. His body felt relieved, his mind was caught in the turmoil and his soul was struggling to figure out it’s way through this mess of feelings. And slowly but surely, this was driving him insane.

"Melinoe, but, you… I… My…"

"My heart is hurting when I’m not with you…"

(It keeps getting darker. Time for midnight. This is already pretty much a bad end!Au)

"I know, …I know."

She held his face again, gently stroking it. “I promise, it will soon pass. Yes, very soon.”

She pressed her lips against his in exact moment she plunged her knife into his chest.

Nobutsuna Kamiizumi awoke with a start at the sound of a sharp knocking on his bedroom window. Forever vigilant from years upon the battlefield, he was already armed by the time he had rose from his bed – only to relax, and then suddenly worry, at the familiar silhouette of Edea Lee pressed against the panes of glass. It was raining heavily – yes, rain for once instead of the usual flurry of snow – and her hospital gown was soaked to the point of near translucency, clinging to her lithe form. She was much thinner than when he last saw her, but he barely noted this as he immediately crossed the room and yanked the window open.

“Edea, what are you doing here?” He grabbed her by the arm and tugged her inside, perhaps a bit too roughly in his haste to ensure her safety. “You should be in the Tower – you’re going to catch your death like this – !“

Without waiting for her explanation, he grabbed one of his blankets from his bed and wrapped it around her, then moved her to sit in the chair close to his fireplace.

“I-I’m sorry, Master – I just – I needed to talk to you—“

“You should be in the Tower,” he repeated, frustrated as he knelt to light said fireplace. “And once you’ve warmed up, that’s exactly where I’m taking you. Do you understand me?”

“I—“ Edea opened her mouth to argue, but thought better of it and nodded glumly instead. “A-All right. I’m…I’m sorry.”

As the embers of the fireplace began to glow and crackle, Kamiizumi slowly dragged himself to his feet with a shaky breath. For a long moment, neither of them said anything; he merely stared into the flames, thinking on recent events.

Mahzer Lee was gone. Her medical condition had worsened suddenly out of the blue, and taken her life a little over a year ago. Braev, Edea, and the rest of Eternia was devastated.

But none more than Nobutsuna Kamiizumi.

With time, perhaps, and the knowledge that he was taking care of her beloved daughter, he would have healed and moved on. Braev, too. But six months ago, just before her deployment to the Sky Knights, Edea Lee had collapsed during her latest sparring match.

It was an unending nightmare: she, too, had somehow developed the very same disease that had claimed her mother’s life. It was unclear what may have triggered the reaction, but the cause did not matter. Edea was growing weaker with each passing day, and her dreams of joining the Sky Knights – of becoming anything, were fading fast.

Still, she persisted – pleaded with her father to allow her to continue her training, her one emotional outlet that kept her sane throughout every hardship in her young life.

And she was denied. For the sake of keeping his daughter alive, of finding a way to stop this disease from claiming the life of his only treasure left in the world, Braev Lee ordered that she move to the Healing Tower until her disease was cured.

Which meant permanently.

Nobutsuna finally looked at her now, his heart breaking at the sight of her curled up into a ball and trembling, forehead resting on her knees. She had been isolated, forbidden to have any guests outside of her nurses – even Alternis, who argued for his right to see her, was staunchly denied – until her treatment began to take effect.

But it hadn’t. No matter what they did, nothing seemed to be working. It was as though she had built up some sort of resistance to the Healing Tower’s effects.

Eight months. That was how long she was expected to live – and to do so in solitude, no less.

“…You don’t have to apologize, Edea,” he said finally. “In fact, it’s I who should – I have no right to scold you. You’ve been through far too much.”

He moved to her now, setting his hands on her shoulders – and wincing at how bony they were. She was wasting away in front of his very eyes, and it nearly drove him to tears himself.

But, no. He would be strong – for her.

He watched as Edea slowly tilted her head up to look at him, her blue-green irises hazed over with a sort of sickly pale film. He wondered for a moment if she could see him clearly, or even at all; but she must have been able to, to have been able to make her way in the storm like this…

When she said nothing, Nobutsuna straightened up and dropped his hands from her shoulders, “You need to dry your hair – I’ll get you a towel.”

But as he turned to go, he found the back of is sleeping robes caught by a fragile hand – and he turned back, taking hold of it and carefully tugging the fabric from her fingers.

“I promise I’ll be right back, Edea—“

“You’re not going to get the guards?” She watched him warily, her voice small – painfully reminiscent of the child he had met so long ago. “I…I don’t want to go back, Master…”

“I won’t get the guards,” he assured her, and released her hand so that it fell limply at her side. “I promise you, child. Just wait a moment, and I will return.”

He left the room and emerged into the main corridor of the training hall, pausing to take a deep breath just outside the door. Then he continued to the next room over, the washroom where he could retrieve a towel – and a bathrobe for Edea to change into. It would take far longer for her hospital gown to dry if she was wearing it; his clothes were far too big for her, especially with her weight loss, but they would have to do for now.

He would allow her to stay the night, he decided, and he would rest on one of the training mats in the sparring hall. He couldn’t drag her out into the storm once more after helping her dry off, after all.

As he made his way back to his room, the swordmaster cursed Braev. There really was no reason for it, other than the fact that it made him feel better. It was petty and wrong, but no man was perfect. Especially not him.

“I’m back, Edea,” he announced for no particular reason as he pushed open the door, only to pause when he saw that she had moved away from the fire. Instead she was sitting at the foot of his bed, thin legs dangling over the edge with her feet not quite touching the floor. To his relief, she was still wrapped up in the blanket.

“Are you tired, child?” he asked, shutting the door behind him as he approached her, lifting the bundle of robes and towel in his arms. “You’re welcome to spend the night, but you really do need to dry off first. I’ve brought you a change of clothes, so—“

“Master,” Edea’s head rolled on her shoulders to stare at him, her expression frighteningly blank. “Is it true that you loved my mother?”

Nobutsuna’s steps ceased abruptly, utterly unprepared for such a question at such a time in such a place – “I—Edea, what—“

She tilted her face away, her tone oddly distant. “Soldiers like to gossip around the anniversary of her death. Nurses, too.”

The swordmaster paused, mulling over the words in his head before trying, “I did care for your mother very much, Edea. She was my friend, and your father’s–“

“You don’t have to lie, Master. I see it on your face,” she looked at him again, her empty expression finally giving way to sympathy – and grief. She shivered once, then moved to hug herself, rubbing her arms. “I miss her. A lot.”

Nobutsuna was still a bit sensitive as to where this topic was going, but he closed the distance between them and sat beside her anyway, setting the bathrobe and towel on his other side before turning and setting a hand on her shoulder.

“I did love your mother, Edea,” he admitted quietly. “I loved her enough – and, to an extent, your father enough – to allow her to be with whom she wanted to be with. It hurt for a very long time –“ It still hurts. “—but eventually, the pain subsided. As will the pain of your mother’s death. I promise you, she passed away thinking nothing more than how much she loved you.” And Braev.

Again, only the crackling of the slowly-growing fire filled the space between their words for what felt like forever.

Then Edea asked, “Do you still love her?”

“…Yes.” He couldn’t lie about that, ever, no matter who asked him.

“Good.”

Without warning, Nobutsuna Kamiizumi had found himself pushed backwards onto the bed, his dearest student clambering on top of him with her slender hands dipping into the deep V of his robes.

“Edea – what are you—” He stammered for only a moment as the girl straddled his lap, and immediately he caught hold of her wrists, pulling them from his chest. “What’s gotten into you—!?“

“Master, please,” The clarity had found itself back into Edea’s eyes, and for a moment it looked as though she had returned to her normal self – but in the worst of ways. “I want – I want to be loved, too—“

“Edea, you can’t be serious –“

“I heard the healers talking,” she struggled against his hold, desperate, “I know I don’t have much longer, Master – please – I’ve always – you’ve always been there for me, made me feel safe –“

“Edea,” This was a nightmare. It had to be a nightmare, or he was going out of his mind. She couldn’t possibly be suggesting – “You’re ill, child, you’re not thinking—“

“Stop calling me child!” She cried out, pulling one of her hands free from his and grabbing hold of his shoulder, squeezing it insistently as she struggled to adjust herself on top of him. “I’m not – I’ve not been a child for years, Master! I’m not the grubby little girl that cried every time she skinned her knees anymore! I’m a woman – a young woman, and I – I know who I look like – I’ve heard it time and time again, I’m just like my mother, I’m almost identical –“

“Edea!”

“You don’t have to call me Edea,” Tears of desperation were spilling from her eyes and her voice shook, but she was painfully determined. “Call me Mazher – pretend I’m her, I don’t care – I just – I don’t want to die not knowing love – even if it’s not really for me! Please, Master, I’m begging you! As my last request – that’s all I ask, I wouldn’t trust anyone else with this but you, so please!”

Nobutsuna stared up at her, chest heaving from the struggle to keep her at a safe distance and the anxiety that wracked itself through his form. She was breathing hard, too, because by now she had broken down into sobs, pulling her hands away to cover her face and cry.

“Please,” she continued to whimper, “Please, Master…I’ll do anything…a-and I won’t tell anybody, I …p-promise…”

The swordmaster was at a loss for words, and what’s more, he truly hated himself deep down. Because the darkest, most twisted little part of him wanted to take her up on her offer – she was right in how much she looked like Mahzer, and he could certainly justify it as comforting her (and after all, he would never harm her – emotionally or physically), and in a way it would even become a silent, unmentioned triumph over his lifelong rival – but the fact that the thought even crossed his mind made him sick. No matter what Edea said, she was a child to him – the closest thing he would ever have to a daughter of his own, someone he was meant to protect – especially in a state as fragile as this. He would not let his bitterness corrupt this poor girl, would not allow his selfish desires to taint her – even at her request.

“Edea,” he began as slowly and gently as possible, despite the frantic urge to get her off of his lap. “Let’s—Let’s move to sit by the fire, shall we? And we’ll talk about this. I swear to you, I—“

But the blonde pitched forward suddenly, her lips abruptly seizing his and knocking him flat onto his back this time. On top of it all, she held his hands down this time – and fearing that he would hurt her, all Nobutsuna could do was wait until she had to break for breath. When her petal soft lips finally lifted away, she withdrew only inches from his, perfectly-formed droplets of tears poised on the ends of her lashes.

Nobutsuna Kamiizumi stared back up at her, and then after a long sigh, he shut his eyes.

“Edea.”

[[I hesitated very long on this one, and even talked to Edea first about it and argh, I couldn’t stop being sad about this one. And happy as well. And conflicted. And arrghhh. I’m gonna post a “The Morning After” thing here now. Just kinda have to. You know I have to.]]

He wasn’t proud of what he had done in the least. How could he have been? After what had happened last night, pride was not something he was allowed to feel. Not last night. Not this morning. Perhaps never again…

He had not been able to bear seeing Edea like this. So worn out by the illness, so desperate to be loved, so caught up in the misbelief her only worth was in her resemblance to her mother. How could it have come to this… How could he, no, could they all have let her end like this? It broke his heart.

Not that it had been intact after Mahzer passed away so soon anyway. But back then, he had managed to hold on thanks to his students, Edea in particular. They had helped each other… - and now… now he was so powerless to help her…

He was sitting in the chair at the window, looking out at the city that had been washed free of the snow usually covering it due to the heavy rain. He hadn’t seen Eternia often like this… Maybe this spelt a change of sorts…

The swordmaster turned his head as he mused about changes and looked over to his bed. Edea was still sleeping there, covered tightly into the blankets. She looked so peaceful lying there… - Why couldn’t he bring himself to believe that it was truly so? But alas, he knew all too well that peace was something the poor child would likely never find again… Except for in death.

But no… He shouldn’t think of her as a child. She was a child no longer, she had made that clear enough. She was a young woman, one just before her prime even. It was unfair that she was not destined to reach it.

He hadn’t been able to bear seeing her like this, So desperate, so determined to get her way… - He couldn’t deny her. He knew he should have, he knew it wasn’t right, he knew it would ultimately not make her feel better - but he couldn’t bring himself to deny her. He just couldn’t…

So he had decided to give in to her wishes, and done as she desired. Even if he had not been able to banish the guilt from his mind, he had done his best to please her, to make her feel good for a short time. He had done all she demanded at first, but towards the end… Towards the end, he had himself given in and went the extra mile, losing himself in the embrace of her weakened body shivering with excitement. Until they had fallen asleep next to each other…

And now he had to deal with what this all meant.

He knew anything he’d try would be futile, he knew that Braev and the healers at the tower had already pulled all aces out of their sleeves, and he wasn’t one able to find another one to turn the tables. But there still needed to be something he could do. Just… something.

He couldn’t not save her. He knew that. But perhaps… perhaps he could make her suffering more bearable. Keeping her a prisoner practically in the Healing Tower may have been ideal for treating her body, but it was poison to her mind. Perhaps he would simply run away with her, taking her to see the world as she had desired all along.

Make her last few weeks and months worthwhile.

It wasn’t much, but it was the best he could do. He’d need to ask her about her opinion once she woke up…

————

Ten months later, Nobotsuna Kamiizumi returned to Eternia. He carried with him the body of Edea Lee, daughter of Braev and Mahzer Lee. Her body had ceased to function not even a day ago, after having managed to hold on for almost two entire months longer than was expected. She had seen the world in those ten months, visiting all continents and enjoying specialities from every mayor city.

With her master at her side all the time.

As her mentor

As her friend.

As her companion.

As her lover…

Her body, cold and liveless as the older man brought it home, was weak and frail. But nontheless… There was a smile on her lips.

Mere eleven days later, two days after the funeral of Edea Lee, Nobotsuna Kamiizumi was found in her former room after having commited Seppuku. Next to him, a note was found in his handwriting with only a few words written on it: