#alone-time

Retirement isn’t something we talk about often. Those nearing it speak of it with apprehension; those already in it think they finally are free to live their dreams. Whatever…everyone has a soft spot for an enriched ‘pullback’ life. But dwelling over it or over thinking only makes you miss take notice of the potential for joy and fulfillment that exists in the present. Contrarily, disregard it…

I was totally drained after the day with her and my two little tornadoes. I am not sure witch one that drained my energy. Probably a little bit of both.

My mum came over just as we was about to finish breakfast, and since the weather was so shitty she took us to the shopping mall close to where she lives. At least I got to buy heaps and heaps of nappies. So now we will be ok for quite some time. 

On our way back home, we stopped at my mum's house so that she could stuff all her shopping into her fridge/freezer. The girls got some playtime as well. 

When we reached home, I started preparing dinner. It was more or less done as I served left overs from yesterday...with a new twist. But the girls obviously didn't like the twist much as they hardly touched it. But they got a cinnamon swirl at the mall so it might be that they were still stuffed from that. 

My mum gave them a bath, and I tried my best not to interfere even though the girls "cried their eyes out" on a few occasions. But she was washing their hair, and they absolutely hate it when we use the shower to get the soap out. It is not that they are afraid of getting water in their face. Because when we are at the water-park, they are as much under water as they are over. But they do give their opinion every time they experience it...more so when it is my mother doing it. So that is why I stayed out of it. I don't want my mum to get the feeling that I don't trust them with her, and I don't want the girl to think that every time "someone" does things that differs from how I am doing things, they can just be fussy and mummy will come to rescue them. I can't always be there... But it was really hard not to enter and let her deal with it...

I know I should have been in bed already...because it is getting late,it is passed midnight, and the girls have woken up pretty early every single day during the last few days...and last night they both jumped in bed with me just as I got to bed myself. I don't get a proper nights sleep when I have them in bed with me...I can easily sleep with Lilly as she is falling asleep in one position and waking up at the exact same spot. Leah is like me...constantly twisting and turning. She is all over the bed in a heartbeat. So I really hope that I get my bed to myself tonight. 

But since my mum left pretty late, I sort of need some time to myself just to set my head on straight before I tuck myself in. It's like I need some "grown up" time to myself...or I might just need time to get myself into a balanced after tiptoeing around trying not to bit anyone's head off. My mum and I are totally opposite of each other, and there is absolutely no understanding either way. But she is so taken with the girls, and both girls are so connected to her...for me this is ONE really important reason to try and stay close with her. 

An illustration:

Me: I didn't bring any nappies to the mall, but I will buy heaps there so if they need to be changed I will be covered.

Mum: I have plenty of nappies at my house.

Me: And how will that help me out at the mall...?

Mum: *silence*

Headed home for the mall...

Me: You probably want to take your shopping home so it will not get destroyed staying in the car for hours. 

Mum: Yes

Me: Was you originally thinking that we were to have dinner at your house? Was that the reason why you said that you had nappies at home? (I had already told her that I had loads of left overs at mine)

Mum: *silence*

Me: Mummy you have to talk to me, you have to communicate. I can't guess what you are thinking if you don't talk to me.

Mum: It all depend on the girls...they are sort of all over the place at the moment. So they probably want to go home.

So I am really clueless to her ideas of the day...I have a feeling she was trying to invite us over to her house for dinner, but as usual she didn't follow up. I also asked her if she wanted to join us to the water-park tomorrow. The girls would have loved that, but her facial expression showed that that was far fetched. But then as she left my house, she asked: "Are you going to the water-park tomorrow", and I sort of got a feeling that she had a change of heart but she never came out and asked if she could join us. She has had an invite so many times, but she is just not interested.