#allll

But also...

H o t t o p i c c c . . . V e r y c o o l c o n v e n t i o n s s s s . . .

T a d c . . . I n s e r t t h i n g s I l i k e e e e . . .

I don’t know how it happened, it just did. The fact that I let go- of past people and past events and past everything, maybe even past me. And it could be the fact that I finally moved on from everything I was holding on to, thinking that maybe it will come back but now that I got a new job and met new people, I realised how much new things excite me, meanwhile past things only make me sad. And today I was at work and I was pissed off because I was being a dummy again but that’s how it starts, doesn’t it? You’re a dummy at first but then you get to know people better and they get to know you and it turns into a friendships, maybe long-lasting, maybe short-lasting. I won’t know for sure until maybe months later, maybe next year that they were just temporary people but that isn’t the point. The point is that I should thrive for new things in life and accept them for being long term or short term. I shouldn’t think about whether anybody likes me for being a bit of a dummy or what if we lose touch. Okay, we will lost touch but man, life is so much more than temporary people and I had finally, finally moved on from the past and I know- I know there will be days where I will look back on the past and the memories and go “Yeah, we used to be friends but...” but how many people came and went... it’s just wow. I could count so many of them but they all served their purpose in my life, made me learn my lesson.

Maybe today is just a good day for me. Maybe I’m just being a bit nostalgic and too excited for the world as it is but wow, I think back on my 16 year- old self who thought future had nothing to bring her when I just want to tackle her and tell her how happy she will be in four years, how many people she will meet, how hurt she will still get because of that. 

Because life isn’t about the people in your life, who stay or go. It’s not about hurting till the rest of your life, holding to something or someone, reliving your past traumas or blaming your sadness for whatever wrong it is in your life. Life is about thriving- thriving for love and joy and yourself. It’s not about dating and not about having babies, giving opinions or judging- God, it’s made to enjoy this little life you had been given- to do what you love and what you enjoy and if somebody doesn’t agree with it, you can just ignore their pessimism and go back to doing what you love because the moment you decide to listen to somebody else that isn’t your soul or yourself, that is the moment you make your own destiny of misery. 

Life is thriving. Whether you get hurt, because you will no matter what. Hurt by small or big things, hurt by heartbreaks or deaths or just little obstacles in life that are thrown into your path but man, lay on the floor, hug a tree, sleep naked, flex in the mirror, take a selfie, draw a stick man, listen to 70s hits, write on a wall, print a photo of a cute baby animal, smudge paint on your hands... because why not? Life is about the little things that make you yourself. Forget about the outside world. The outside world can move on if you just do the tiniest little thing that will make you laugh or giggle or happy. It’s not about getting yourself a dream car right away, it’s about getting a drivers license and taking your drivers test and being nervous and fucking up parallel parking and being sad because you failed but being excited the next time you try again and succeed. And then you buy this tiny little bin that drives your around, a blue Twingo with eyelashes for fun that stops in the middle of the road and makes you blush and make the cars behind you honk, meanwhile you start the engine and ride forward. Then you’ll get that dream car and you’ll look back on that old bin and say; “Thank you my friend.” and no matter if it’s a car and not a person. You gave it its own personality, it brought you places, it pissed you off, it made you have memories and memories, good and bad- and before you’ll sell it you’ll take the eyelashes from it or the little dices you put on the rearview mirror and put it in your dream car or in a box so you can look back on it and smile at the thing that makes you so happy now. 

Life is about the little things that make you happy- little things that can lead into bigger things. That’s why I finally understand the quote “Start small.” because small things can be so meaningful and that is why I enjoy the fact that I am sitting here, wasting my time on writing this because it makes me happy and alive. After? - After I will take a long shower and get into my purple bathrobe, sit on my bed and drink my coffee while listening to some chill music. I’ll go to work, where I made new friends and we’ll joke around and tease each other and I’ll be my dummy self, keeping it simple.