#allforhisglory

I thought I was already forsaken. I thought everybody around me has left me alone. Until, I’ve realized there’s nothing impossible, because there is one great friend whom I never thought who would dare to grab my hand when I was in the midst of suffering and in the midst of nowhere. I wanted to cry, to shout across the mountains just to tell the whole world how painful it was and how heavy my heart was, to remain left out because no one would dare to listen to me and perhaps see myself perishing inside out. But, there was he - my best friend who promised me that He will never forsake me nor leave me.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6

During those time of troubles, He fought for me. He didn’t allow me stay in the darkness alone. He was right there beside me, when I felt that every one around me was leaving me behind the corner. He was right there, giving me his right hand. He remained silent but I know He was doing things for my own good. He was silent, but He was not selfish. Indeed, He allowed few people to give me temporary comfort. Those people whom I also never thought who would gave their time just to pray for me, to give me some encouragements and finally, to remind me of the goodness and faithfulness of my best buddy. He is still there. I know He is comforting me, too. He is running after me, when I felt that the whole world turned their backs on me. He is consistently and persistently pursuing me, when no one else did. I’ve tried to run away from those set backs, but I failed. I stopped and I’ve realized I just got weary. I found him standing at the end of the race, waiting for me with his open arms. I felt so helpless and hopeless that time, that running towards Him was the only thing that would satisfy my soul and my anxious heart. It was hard to admit, but He was the only one who could fill that void in my heart. He embraced me, He comforted me and He filled my heart with indescribable joy I was longing for so long.

 “for the Lamb in the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and will guide them to springs of the water of life; and God will wipe every tear from their eyes.” Revelation 7:17

There were things and people whom I had loved to and whom I’ve learnt to let go and I’ve realized He was just preparing me to open my heart again just to give space to new people and things that would enter my life. I’ve been part of the church ministries this year - ushering and communications to be specific. The former church attendee has found a spiritual family that helped me to pursue Him more and to have a desire to grow more and to have deeper relationship with my best friend. I met and found church people who have genuine hearts to extend their hands and listening ears for me. Those people I’ve never expected to come in into my life.

“However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” - the things God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

My father returned home after being in jail several months, two days after my birthday in August. I also got baptized August this year. I joined another Victory Group in September, with those single ladies who were wonderfully made by Christ, whom I started to open my heart to. I found not only people whom I can have fellowship with, but also true friends and sisters in Christ. Moreover, I saw the beauty of my season - my family and me. 

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”  Ecclesiastes 3:11

My family because there were times I thought I lack these and those, but He made me realized I lack nothing in Christ. I never realized I was praying for them for a long time because God has a purpose for that. Yet, I am continually praying not only for our finances (and provision) but for the household salvation.

“For the LORD your God has blessed you in all that you have done; He has known your wanderings through this great wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you; you have not lacked a thing.”  Deuteronomy 2:7 

I am not a faithful best buddy, to be honest. I could not boast about anything. I could only boast on my prayer answering best friend, who was and is still faithful to me, even though I am not that faithful to Him.

“Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:31

I was sitting in one corner and immediately touched my heart. I’ve realized it was no longer mine. It belongs to Him, my best friend. I was crying again, realizing that everything is part of His divine plan. I am not seeing the end yet, nor the visions, but I learned to commit, every plan, every dream and everything to my best friend.

“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” Proverbs 16:3

I’ve returned to the moment when He was embracing me with His hands. I saw his face with bruises and with red blood shedding from His eyes and all over His face. I saw His filthy hands, with holes in both palms. He was smiling to me, while He was wearing a woven crown of thorns placed on His head.

“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13

My heart melted and wanted to cry again.

But then, there were words which only my heart could understand, saying,

“Hello, my best friend, my daughter, I love you...”

“the LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” Jeremiah 31:3

He was there; Jesus is His name. He has never leave me nor forsaken me. Indeed, I felt that every day, by His grace, He is renewing me - my soul, my body, every part of me.

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 

Still, my circumstances are always for His glory and to reveal not only His faithfulness and goodness, but also His glory.