#allbeoms

Breathing hard, you grasp your duvet to ground yourself. Once your bedroom came back into focus, you rolled over to bury your face into your pillow as you let out a groan of disappointment. It was just a dream.

Had it really been that long since you and Jaeil have done anything?

Then again, could Jaeil make you feel that way?

A blast echoes from your bathroom, making you sit up to listen if another one would follow. You already knew it came from Soobin’s side of the wall. His shower has been acting up for weeks. This time it didn’t sound too good.

Throwing off the duvet, you shuffle over to inspect your bathroom. When you saw no signs of a leak or disturbance, you shrugged and headed toward the sink to brush your teeth and wash your face.

As you make your way back to your room, dabbing your face with your towel, frantic knocks come from your door.

“Can I use your shower?” Soobin asks in a rush once you open the door. His hair was still damp, shirt sticking close to his body, and hand clasped tightly around his JJK towel. He holds it up with one hand, the other hand hugging his spare clothes.

You giggle, “Good morning to you too.”

He shrugs his head at your comment. “Good morning, ___. Can I please use your shower?”

With a nod, you step to the side to let him in before your neighbors see him. “Maintenance already aware of WWIII happening in your bathroom or…?”

“Yup, they should look into it later today.” He calls while stepping into your bathroom.  

“I hope so, I don’t want my shower to be next!” You shout at him as you walk toward your bedroom.

He waves in reassurance before shutting the door behind him.

The apartments that you lived in were fairly new with top amenities and appliances, justifying the rent they charged. It was unusual for things to break down or require maintenance. Knowing Soobin, however, he waited until his shower gave the death rattle before making the call.

While changing, your phone chimed with an incoming notification.

Soobs: You’re on call tonight, right?

You: Not tonight. Why?

Soobs: Just wondering. Is it okay if I borrow the spare key to shower? Just in case they can’t fix it today?

You: Sure, I’ll leave the spare on the counter. Leaving now. Lock the door when you’re done?

Soobs: Thanks! You’re the best! I’ll make sure you’ll never notice anyone was here. Love you!

You stare at his message, wondering why you had a suspicious feeling.

Ari’s message floated at the top, and you clicked it to see her warning that the director called for a cross-departmental meeting.

You throw your head back and send Soobin a quick text to warn him as well before throwing on your coat and wrapping a scarf around your neck. Just as you are about to leave, you reach for the spare key in your drawer and toss it on the counter.

Almost forgot.

As you step out of the locker room, Ari bounces in front of you holding two iced lattes. Her hair is braided with baby-blue ribbons, and she dusted her cheeks and eyelids with a rosy blush. Meanwhile, your hair was tied in a messy ponytail, and you only had your tinted moisturizer to cover your eyebags.

She smiles, thrusting your drink into your hand. “Good morning! Woke up early to snag us some of these before the meeting, my lovely. Yours is a vanilla chai with extra brown sugar and cinnamon. Just how you like it!”

You swoon as you accept her gift. Ari worked a late shift last night and still woke up early to do this? You felt so grateful.

“Ari, I don’t deserve you-“

“Please, let me sit next to Beomgyu.”

You could practically hear the ice shift into your drink from the silence that fell over you.

With a deep breath, you continued walking toward the elevator. “What am I? His personal assistant? Go ahead.”

She rolled her eyes, following you in. The other elevator quickly fills with residents and nurses. You recognize one of the new residents, Hyunwoo. He gives you a tiny, shy wave which you return before Ari squishes up to your side. “I meant-- introduce me?”

“No.” You were willing to go to lengths for Ari, but Beomgyu's vicinity was the last place you’d go. Besides, you already owed him a favor or two.

“Come on. Don’t be so unfair!”

A few heads turned your way at her complaining. You politely smiled back and shook your head to tell them it was nothing concerning. Once they return to face the front of the elevator, you jab her side with your elbow to calm her down.

“Ari. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but that man does not like me.” You sip your iced latte.

“I think you’re overexaggerating. How bad is it?”

Bad.  Knowing Beomgyu he would take the opportunity to act like you’ve dropped from outer space or cash in on the favors. Whatever it’ll be, it’s guaranteed to be humiliating.

“Sorry, Ari. You’re cute! You’ll do better without my help. Trust.”

She pouts, taking a sip of her drink in defeat.

Once you’ve reached the fifth floor, you head toward the conference room. It wasn’t hard to spot Beomgyu since he was the center of attention. He sat back on the chair, gently swaying while answering the questions the nurses gathered around him were showering him with. Nayeon sat right next to him, surely firing away death threats in her mind. Still acting as if she isn’t married.

You turned to find Ari’s confidence completely deflated. “Come on,” you lead the way over to sit on one of the chairs against the wall of the room. Typically, they were meant for the residents, but you didn’t mind joining them. 

A couple of obstetric nurses glance at you nervously, relieved when you don’t bother to occupy a chair at the table. Are we in high school?

“Do you know what this meeting is about?” Hyunwoo falls into the chair next to you, whispering while wiping his palms on his pants. 

The week before he was being yelled at by an overwhelmed parent because they had trouble following along to his explanations. It was common for the first-year residents to speak in medical jargon which parents have trouble translating. Luckily, you came to his rescue, reassuring them that he meant well and was a highly respected resident who wanted to provide them with all the information regarding their baby. 

You shake your head, gently patting his arm. “Can’t be the new equipment we’ve been asking for, that’s for sure. Just remember to alternate between “yes” and “understood”, and the meeting should be over before you know it.”

Hyunwoo replies back, “Yes, understood.”

You laugh, relieved that Hyunwoo’s nerves had disappeared enough for him to joke.

Beomgyu flickers her gaze to you, catching your attention. You stop laughing and raise an eyebrow. He peers over at Hyunwoo before tilting his head with curiosity. 

You dramatically shift your body toward the front of the room. 

“Morning, Morning, Morning.” The director steps into the room, followed by the chiefs of each department. A hush spreads across the room as everyone gives him a greeting in chorus.

Director Jung gets comfortable at the front of the room. “I’m sorry for calling your attention to this meeting. I’ll make it brief, because some of us are needed for surgery. On time if I may add.”

He clears his throat, looking around the room at everyone’s faces. “Complaints have once again reached me. And you know it’s bad if they’ve made it to me.”

You narrowed your eyes, glancing over at Nayeon who brushes her hair over her shoulder and sits up straighter. Ari gives you a knowing look, while several NICU nurses and residents do as well, already begging for you to come to their defense. With a deep breath, you place your drink on the ground and sit up straighter, ready for the battle to unfold.

Even though the director hasn’t said it yet, you were certain that this was going to be an ongoing discussion from the last meeting.

At the last meeting, Director Jung mentioned that Obstetrics had made complaints about Pediatrics and NICU. The “consistent” complaints were that notes were being copied without reviewing the charts thoroughly, or that residents were showing up late to deliveries (or leaving too early). Some may have been true, but nothing out of average for a large hospital. Before the senior residents and attending physicians had time to correct the new residents, Nayeon took it upon herself to notify the director. Why she felt comfortable going straight to him was still a mystery.

The problem started when Nayeon was trying to secure her position as a permanent OBGYN upon completing her fellowship. A lot of her reporting to the director was extremely exaggerated in hopes that it would highlight how vital she was to bridge the disconnect between the departments. Once she secured her job, she didn’t stop. However, it became harder when you came along because you made it your mission to catch anything before she had a chance to look at it. This added to your stress, but the gratefulness of the department made it worth it.

“Rounds shouldn’t take longer than 2 hours, but I’m hearing they’re taking almost double. How is that fair to our patients?”

Residents lower their heads in shame. You cleared your throat, “Director, respectfully, the residents have been documenting excessively per the suggestion from last meeting. Unfortunately, this has taken up a lot of time, but unless-“

“Notes should always be documented well. It sounds like you’re making excuses for shortcuts?” Nayeon taps her fingernails against the table.

“-Not shortcuts,” you clench your jaw, staring at the director only. “But when you keep stating their insufficient-“

“Enough.” Director Jung holds up his hand to stop the argument before it continues to grow. “Please continue to write detailed notes but ensure that rounds are kept under 2 hours.”

Residents all chorus that they understood. “R4s make sure that you’re keeping a close one on R1s. Attendings make sure that you’re available more for teaching rounds. It’s time to also assign volunteers for the next skill labs.”

Nayeon is the first one to raise her hand. The residents turn to you once again with pleading looks. You hang your head, deciding if you had enough time in your schedule to make yourself a sacrifice. 

Director Jung chuckled. “Thank you, Nayeon. But I think this would be a great opportunity for someone else. What better way to learn than to teach?”

Your hand goes up, and Direct Jung points your way. “Thank you. Dr. ___. Dr. ___ and Dr. Choi Beomgyu here will be leading the next skills lab.”

You whip your head toward Ari to ensure that you heard correctly and haven’t dozed off. “Beomgyu?” You mouth. She scowls as if you kept this a huge secret from her. You huff, looking over at Beomgyu who sticks his tongue out.

“…Let’s all welcome OBGYN Dr. Choi Beomgyu who transferred over from O.T. Moon Hospital. At O.T. Moon, he made amazing progress in endocrinology and IVF, as well as published seven research articles — I recommend everyone reads them. With his decision to step down as Chair of OBGYN, they suffered a great loss…” 

Goosebumps travel up your arms. He stepped down as Chair?

Everyone looks at him curiously. At the sudden attention, Beomgyu looks down at the table with a pressed smile.

“However, we got lucky and convinced him to transfer over to our hospital. We offered him the space to practice more comfortably. He’ll be focusing more on obstetrics than gynecology. Everyone please welcome him.”

You’re so shocked that you almost clap. Why would Beomgyu step down as chair of his department? And why would we want him so bad? You thought about it, but the only conclusion you could think of is that his passion was more in obstetrics but the hospital was heavily pushing him more towards in vitro and fertility.

Ari leans in, cupping her hand around her mouth. “That explains why he has a long waitlist here. He’s busy.”

You raise your eyebrow. “Waitlist?”

“For consultations. They’re saying it can take months to see him.” She explains.

Beomgyu bows his head politely. “Thank you so much Director Jung.” He’s surprised to find that everyone is waiting for him to say more. With a slight chuckle, he clears his throat. “I hope to continue to make contributions here at, B.F. Moore. If anyone has any questions about my research. Don’t hesitate to find me. I don’t bite.”

He points his eyes to you with a small smirk. You make a show of looking at your nails and dusting imaginary lint off your shoulder.

Director Jung chuckles as the applause fills the room, surely feeling proud of himself for securing Beomgyu. He gathers his things, ready to exit. “We’re lucky to have you, Dr. Choi. You’ll be in good hands with Dr. Im.”

Nayeon giggles. You hold the urge to vomit back, picking up your drink, ready to drip as soon as the meeting is dismissed. 

“Thank you, everyone. Before getting back to work, please enjoy the pastries in the back delivered by Dr. ___’s sweet husband.”

You weren’t confused by Director Jung calling Jaeil your husband (he’s done it a number of times by now, and you’ve corrected him each time). Instead, you were confused why Jaeil dropped off pastries and didn’t tell you.

Pink boxes are carried into the conference room by the receptionists, too many of them to sit on the back table and some are placed in the center table as well.

“Uh, everyone please enjoy…” you awkwardly chime in.

The room fills with happy chatter as people get up to grab a treat before darting off. The director is the first to grab the largest donut drizzled in chocolate, and covered with whipped cream and chocolate chips. Despite everyone knowing he’s pre-diabetic, they let him be.

Your watch buzzes. 

Jaeil: I hope it's okay that I sent some sweets to your department. Maybe it’ll make your day a little better? Have you been thinking about what I suggested? We’ll talk more about it tonight. Love you.

God, he really only did it for you because he assumed you were going to go visit the fertility clinic.

Ari stretches while finishing the last of her latte. “Gotta run. I have to make my rounds of medicine.”

You nod. “I’ll be there soon. Grab a donut or creampuff or whatever it is that Jaeil ordered. Oh, and maybe take one to Soob. Guessing he was too afraid to walk in late.”

She shakes her head with a smile. “Come on, Hyunwoo. I have you for today.”

Hyunwoo nods and follows Ari without a complaint, looking over at you from his shoulder. You offer him a thumbs up.

With a deep breath, you get up to grab something sweet to start your day. It was only an hour into your day and you feel like you’ve added to your tasks for the day rather than decreased it. You needed to meet with some residents, plan the skills lab, meet with Layla, and either visit the fertility clinic or plan on what to tell Jaeil. 

“That lunch must’ve been pretty serious for you.” Beomgyu sweeps in from behind you while you decide between the berry tart or the cinnamon roll. Didn’t he leave with Nayeon?!

You turn toward him. His lab coat is open and you can’t help but notice how fit he looked in his white dress shirt that’s snug around his torso and tucked into his loose slacks held up by his belt. You inhale sharply. It’s just been too long, that’s all.

“Huh?” You respond to him. You either are missing context or having a stroke because he wasn’t making sense.

He grabs a napkin, looking over the sweets. “Yesterday, you said you had lunch with your boyfriend.”

You swallow hard. “I did.”

He frowns at you, and then gasps in realization. “An affair?!”

“What? No – It was my boyfriend. He’s still my boyfriend.” You look around to make sure no one else is in the room to hear his absurd assumption. “Director Jung just keeps forgetting. Anyway, why am I explaining myself to you??” You rush and grab the berry tart. 

“Mhm…” Before you can take a bite, Beomgyu swipes it from your hand and takes one of his own.

Your jaw drops, and he offers you a bite next.

“What do you mean ‘mhm’?” You question him, brushing his unappealing offer to share to the side and reaching for the cinnamon roll.

Beomgyu licks his lips clean, wiping the corner of his lips with his thumb. “You don’t want to correct him.”

“Clean your ears, I told you I already have.” 

“- You want people— you like people thinking you’re married.”

“Like it makes a difference. The only one who seems to care is you, Beomgyu.”

You care so much, it’s wild.

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you wish you could take them back. Deja vu is a bitch.

Beomgyu’s jaw clenches, his eyebrows drawing in. He tilts his head back as if looking down at you. The loose strands of his hair soften his serious expression.  

And in that moment, it’s like you’re back under his heated gaze at the reception.

Your stomach hurts.

Breaking eye contact, you brush past him.

“Please don’t tell me it’s Jaeil.” He says softly.

Before you can ask him what he means, someone calls for you in the hallway. It’s for the best. This conversation was beginning to go somewhere you weren’t ready to. 

Leaving him unanswered, you rush out.

After making your rounds, you managed to catch Layla outside your office to give her the pamphlets and tell her the answers you received regarding in vitro. She thanks you with a giant hug. 

“Seriously, this has put my worries at ease. I really hope I didn’t put you through so much trouble. If I decide to move forward, I don’t mind the waitlist. Do you think he’ll keep it all private? Even from Dr. Im?” She plays with the edges of the pamphlet, and you lay your hand over hers before she gives herself a papercut. 

Her hands are cold, but they quickly warm up in your hold. You smile. “I’m sure he will. I-I can talk to him about it when you’re ready.”

She squeezes your hand.

“Thank you, sweetie. I heard she was just charming at the meeting. Why she enjoys making our jobs more complicated than it already is? Well, someone should write a research paper about that.”

You roll your eyes in agreement, leaning against your doorframe. “At least, she’s more preoccupied with gaining Dr. Choi’s attention. Maybe it’ll keep her busy?”

Layla clicks her tongue repeatedly. “That girl. She can never be satisfied with what she has. Is she not still married to the former Chief of Anesthesiology, Hyunbaek?”

Your jaw drops. “Former?”

She nods. “Yes! He is so handsome. You won’t believe me, but I swear up and down he is the spotting image of Lee Byunghun. A few months after she started her fellowship, they were caught on all kinds of dates all over Seoul. They were engaged in four months and married in one year. Unfortunately, he was let go about two months after their marriage for documentation falsification. All kinds of rumors spread around about what he did, so I’m unsure what’s true or not. But, for a while, Dr. Im had a hard time building her reputation back up.”

How have you never heard this before? You’re almost disappointed you missed her downfall.

“Wow…that explains… a lot. Even why she hates everyone here.”

“Exaaactly. And now she sounds like she’s ready to snag everyone’s new eye candy.” Layla giggles. “If he’s single, someone should snatch him up quickly before she gets the chance to trick him. I know you’re taken, otherwise my vote would’ve been on you.”

“M-me?” You choke.

She swats the pamphlet against your shoulder. “Absolutely! You are the beauty of our department, ___.”

Beauty??

“You already have a leg up since you’re acquainted with him. I heard you two worked together beautifully to deliver that baby the other day. Why do you think the others are intimidated by you? Brains and beauty.”

“I—,” you laugh, left speechless. You’re touched that Layla thought so highly of you. It’s like the mother you could wish for. “Thank you, Layla. But yup, I’m taken…”

She winks. “Of course. Happily, I hope.”

You can’t find your voice, but nod in agreement. Are you?

“I think I’ve talked your ear off for far too long, sweetie. I know you’re an important person here, so I’ll let you get back to it. Thank you so much for gathering this information for me.”

No, thank you for the information. 

“I wish I didn’t have to get it for you, Layla. But I’m hoping it works out for you two.” You give her one more hug before you’re walking to the nursery to tell Ari what you learned.

The day really kicked your butt. You weren’t needed in any deliveries or surgeries, but you were called to oversee and train so many residents. You were ready to take a hot shower and cover your back with Icy Hot patches, but then you remembered that the day wasn’t over because Jaeil still planned to visit.

You know he’s planning to ask if you were ready to make a decision. During the little breaks that you had, you tried to review the handbook and research the costs of going through IVF at other hospitals. It would be significantly cheaper to do it at Moore, but you would have to see either Beomgyu or Nayeon. What if you didn’t have any eggs to fertilize? What if you kept failing to keep the pregnancy? How could you endure the embarrassment and disappointment with the two of them overseeing the whole thing? 

If only things were different. What if you and Beomgyu had gotten along from the beginning? Would you go to him for advice? Would he be gentle with you?

As you drag your feet down the hallway to your apartment, you notice boxes are stacked against the wall. The apartment across from yours has the door wide open, and people are shuffling around. They’re moving out. That would explain why nobody had been hollering at you and Soobin for your antics.

You step inside your apartment, and hear the shower running. Ugh, of course. Soobin had beat you to the shower. With a groan, you set all your things on your stool and look in the fridge. Luckily, you had some vegetables and beef.

You quickly boil water in a pot while chopping up everything, throwing it all together with some beef bouillon when the water boils. You hover over the steam for a second while closing your eyes. Maybe the evening wouldn’t be so bad if Jaeil and you watch a movie after eating. You could sneak in a nap.

Checking your phone, you see that Jaeil’s started to make his way over. You sigh with relief when the shower turns off. At least you can shower before greeting him.

When the bathroom door opens, you glance up expecting Soobin, but find Beomgyu instead. His wet strands fall over his face, and his black Nirvana shirt clings to his torso, riding above his belly button, while his sweatpants hang low on his hips. You gasp, stumbling back against the counter.

He smirks, his dimple showing. “You’re home early.”

“Beomgyu, what the hell are you doing here?!” You wave your arm and accidentally send your phone flying to the ground. “Shit.”

He points a finger toward the bathroom. “Blame Soobin. Said I needed to use your shower-“

“Soobin?!” Soobin, Soobin, Soobin! It’s never going to end. Not until you get your hands around his neck…

Beomgyu walks over and places his palms against the kitchen island. “Shower’s being fixed, I don’t know. I didn’t really listen. What are you cook –“

“Are you living with him now?” You bend over to pick up your phone. He watches you, tilting his head.

When you pop back up, he appears to be even closer as he leans over the island. He bats his eyelashes. “Mhm. You’re lucky day! Until I find my place, we’re going to be n-e-i-g-h-bors.”

You have the urge to laugh, cry, and scream all at once. “What?!”

He clasps his hands together with exaggerated enthusiasm. “Think about it. Dinners, sleepovers, carpooling-”

“No, no, no,” you whisper.

He snorts. “Why. Want me closer? You have a spare room, too.” He looks around the place while agreeing with his thoughts. “Right, this place could use my help.”

“Don’t you dare go in there,” you warn, your heart racing. The room currently acted more like an office and storage. What you were afraid of him seeing was the box of baby things collected over time. You turn your attention back to the soup.

He looks at you with mischief, “Why? What you got in there? Prince Charming tied up? 101 cats?”

You point your wooden spoon at him, splashing him with a little of the soup. He winces. “A starving three-headed snake ready to eat you once I throw you in. Whole.”

He purrs.

There’s a knock on your door. 

Shit, Jaeil’s here.

Hearing him put the keys into the door. You forgot you had made Jaeil a copy of the key. Just how many people had keys to your apartment now?

You scramble around the island and push Beomgyu toward where he came from– the bathroom. Shutting the door behind you, you place your hand tightly over his mouth making his eyes go wide. “Not one word!”

He squints at you, his hand wrapping around your wrist. For a second, you think he’s ready to rip it away from his mouth and let out a scream but his real plan is to hold you in place while his tongue sweeps your palm.

You scowl and yank your hand away.

He grins loosely, leaning his head back against the wall. Pointing his eyebrows at the door, he asks, “That your husband?”

“Boyfriend.” You correct him, wiping your palm on your jeans.

Jaeil calls your name from the kitchen as he walks inside. He sets his things down before searching around for you.

You press your hand against the door, answering back, “I’m just going to shower real quick!”

“Did you know you left the stove on…?” Jaeil scolds you.

“Y-yeah, it’s our soup. Please keep an eye on it?”

His steps draw nearer and you reach down to turn the lock on the doorknob. Your hand hovers over it in case it fails.

“Want me to hop in the shower with you?” He asks.

Beomgyu snickers from behind you. “Stop,” you throw him a look to warn him, feeling the heat rise to your face.

If Jaeil discovers Beomgyu hiding with you in the bathroom, you’re unsure if there's a way to confidently explain how it looks. It feels like a bomb waiting to explode. 

You’re going to throw up.

“It’ll be quick, promise!” You reassure Jaeil. Jaeil gives a quick reply before stepping back toward the kitchen. You chew on your fingernail while waiting to make sure that he’s nowhere near.

Beomgyu lifts a finger to gently sweep away your finger from your mouth, the tips of your ears turning bright red. You glance up at him.

“Jaeil?” He asks pointedly.

You nod once.

Something dark swims in his eyes and he reaches for the doorknob. 

In fear, you aggressively pin him against the linen closet. You trip over your feet, but then get tangled with his legs in the shuffle. 

Beomgyu wraps his arm around your waist in an attempt to keep his balance, but crashes his shoulder into the closet door causing it to come off the track. He curses under his breath. 

“What was that? You alright?!” Jaeil shouts. You both stiffen.

“I’m fine!” You’re anything but. 

“Just dropped…the….” you trail off, hoping that Jaeil would walk away without another comment. Beomgyu dips his head to look at you, eager to hear what you’d come up with. 

“...shelf came loose…?” You finish.

Beomgyu rolls his eyes and whispers, “Woooow. So believable.”

 “And what do you got?”

He bites his tongue and draws his eyebrows up. “Got too hungry, almost ate poor Beomgyu up.”

You let out a dry laugh. “Yeah, okay.”

“Just explain it’s me. It’ll be fine.”

Five minutes ago maybe, but definitely not an option now. 

“How about you don’t do anything crazy and I’ll do you a favor in return.”

“Of getting off my foot?” 

You look down to see that you aren’t even stepping on him. You are, however, leaning into him for support while he holds you against him. Your body burns in all the areas that connect with his. “Sor-”

“Kidding.” He claps his hands behind you. “About stepping on me, not the favors. Double it, and make it a total of three favors that you owe me.”

You frown. 

“Don’t get mad at me?? I’m playing your game.”

“Ugh, fuck. Fine. But it can’t be anything that gets you out of doing any work for the skills lab.” you pin him down with your stare. He chuckles. 

“Blah, Blah, Blah. I can do that in my sleep, crybaby.”

You chew on the inside of your cheek. “Then, deal.”

He beams, letting you go and throwing his hands in the air. You shiver at the warmth leaving your body as you step away from him.

“What's the plan, princess? You’re really going to make me sit here the whole time? Killing me slowly with your guys’ conversation?”

You ignore his comment, sarcastically replying, “No, I would never do that to you. I’d kill you quickly. 

He hums, almost as if pleased. 

“I’ll drag him to my room, then you can sneak out.” You glance over to your clear shower doors. 

He does too, raising his eyebrows. “Are you going to shower?”

You gulp. You’ve been in the bathroom too long to say you changed your mind.

Beomgyu pokes the center of your forehead, and you reach behind him for a towel. Throwing it over the shower door, you nod in satisfaction. 

“Sit, and don’t look.” You point to the ground. Beomgyu quickly gets on the ground and barks in a whisper.

“Good boy.” You tease. 

He pants like a puppy to mock you.

You turn on the shower. He leans back against the cabinet and stretches his leg out with a small groan. “What if Mr. Perv decides to break down this door and find me in here with you? Do I put my spiderman skills to the test and hang from the ceiling?”

“He won’t.” You feel the water until it’s reached a nice warm temperature. 

“I can’t believe you’re still with him…”

“What are you suggesting? I break up with him and start throwing myself around?” As if you would even have the time to do that. You pull your phone from your pocket and play some music, leaving it on the counter.

“The Marias… your ears do work.” He grins. “I’m saying you’ve been with him so long. You don’t feel trapped?”

You shrug. As someone with commitment issues, is he asking because he’s scared? Or is he making fun of you?

“No.”

“You don’t think you’ll have any regrets?” He asks, softly.

You raise your eyebrow. “And you have no regrets? Sleeping around with people?”

He eyes you down, sending chills up your spine. “Just one.”

You press your lips into a fine line. 

Ending the conversation, you step into the shower, away from the showerhead to step out of your clothes. 

You peek to make sure he’s kept his promise to not look. You find him resting his head against the cabinets, eyes closed while listening to the music. 

With relief, you take off your clothes, feeling odd about being naked with only a towel separating you two. You carefully fold your clothes and set it outside the shower, burying your underwear like it’s something shameful to wear. 

As you step into the water, your mind can’t help but think about the night of Taehyun’s wedding. It was Beomgyu’s fault for bringing up the conversation about you and Jaeil all over again.

You drown yourself under the showerhead, wanting to drown the memories too. But it was like your mind was desperate to recall them, chasing to collect pieces. Your body began to burn with the ache, wanting to feel them all over again.

You turned the shower colder while you did your routine, but it wasn’t helping. 

You stand still, catching your breath. Your body continued to ache, not wanting you to deny what it needed. You didn’t plan to, it just wasn’t going to be with who it wanted.

After drying yourself, you put back your shirt and wrap yourself with a towel. Beomgyu had fallen asleep, his hands carefully resting over his lap. 

“Can I open my eyes?” He whispers, startling you. 

“Y-yeah.” You tuck your wet hair behind your ear and walk over to the door. Peeking out, you see that Jaeil’s on the couch streaming a movie. The smell of beef traveled through your apartment, reminding you that you hadn’t eaten dinner yet. 

“Stay.” You order him. “Leave when you don’t see us.”

Beomgyu gives you a pressed smile and a thumbs up.

You walk out and wrap your arms around Jaeil, surprising him with a deep kiss. “Hey.”

His eyelids flutter with the surprise show of intimacy. He sits up and adjusts his glasses. “What was that for?”

You hold onto your towel as you walk around the couch. “The baked goodies at our meeting today. That was sweet of you.”

He grinned, reaching over to pull you closer, not missing that you were still wrapped in the towel. 

“Stop,” you laugh, feeling self-conscious knowing that Beomgyu was a few feet away, listening. You look toward the bathroom door, worried that you’ll be found out. “Um, come with me to my room while I change?”

Jaeil groans. “Do we have to?”

“Yes, now come on!” You tug his hand and help him off the couch.

He finds it odd when you close the bedroom door, but you distract him quickly by throwing your arms around his neck and placing your lips over his. You hope that it quiets the ache even if it’s just a little. 

Your hope diminishes when you feel Jaeil’s lips rough under yours. Even though his mustache isn’t visible, the hair prickles your lip. You squeeze your eyes, pulling away enough to not irritate your skin. He tries to pull you in for more, and you respond by pressing your lips against his in a peck. 

Jaeil wasn’t the strongest kisser, and usually you didn’t mind. Today, though, you wished he was a good enough kisser to pull you out of your head.

He drops your towel, and gently kneads your skin. His hands walk to other parts of your body. When he holds the hem of your shirt, you hold his face in your hands and smile. “Later? After we eat?”

“Now?” He tries to change your mind. “It’s been so long.”

You chew on your lip. “I know…”

“Do you not want to?” He looks a little hurt, and you don’t want to cause a repeat of the last incident. 

“Of course, I do. It’s just been such a long day, I’m hungry and my stomach hurts.”

“I’ll be quick.” He pleads.

“Jaeil - “ 

A loud noise comes from the kitchen. 

He frowns, rushing toward the door.  “Was that the soup?”

“Wait!” You pick up your towel when he swings the door open. You stay in the room, your heart beating so fast, it skips a couple of important beats. Did Beomgyu make it out?

He walks into the room, running his hand through his hair. “I think it came from the pot. It’s smelling good, by the way. Since you’re hungry, let me set the table while you change, okay?”

You exhale slowly, nodding. Once he steps away from the doorframe, you lay back on your bed, wiped out. 

Can this day just end?

.

.

.

“Whats this?” Jaeil asks, twirling something in his hand as you step out of the bedroom.

“Hmm?” you shuffle over to take a closer look at what he picked up. 

He holds out his palm, and you see him holding a silver ring with black diamonds. You lean closer to inspect it. The ring was too big to be yours, and wasn’t your style.

“Where did you find that…?”

He stares at you without blinking, face serious. “I’m asking you. I found it here in your bathroom.”

The panic rises all over again.

“Uh, ohhh, Soobin must’ve left it behind. His shower broke so he used mine earlier.” You walk over to have a seat at the table. Part of you already knew it wasn’t Soobin’s ring since Soobin didn’t wear accessories. 

Jaeil looks back at the ring, tossing it over in his hand. 

“Come on. It’s Soobin. He’s harmless,” you laugh, bringing a spoonful of the beef to your lips. You moan at the first bite. “You can go deliver it to him, if you’d like.”

Please, don’t. 

He shrugs his eyebrows and takes a deep breath, placing it on the counter. “Sorry. I think I’m just on edge.”

You relax when he joins you at the table. Scooting the soup over his way, you offer him a smile. He avoids looking at you.

A bad feeling washes over you. You almost don’t want to ask, but still do. “On edge about..?”

He shakes his head, embarrassed. “It’s stupid. I immediately thought the worst, instead of trusting you. Guess I’m still worried if you love me enough.”

You gulp and reach for his hand. “Jaeil. You know I do. Would I be thinking about having a baby with you, if I didn’t?”

He glances at you, curiously. “Does that mean you’ve visited the fertility clinic?”

You clear your throat. You could either tell him the truth and tank this conversation or stretch the truth out a little to save it. 

“I made… an appointment.” On your phone… to think about it more.

He lights up and brings your hand to kiss it. “Seriously?! My mom will be so excited to hear.”

You lean your head to the side, trying not to appear annoyed. “Let’s wait to tell her. I don’t want to get her hopes up.”

He nods in agreement. “Okay. Can I ask when the appointment is?”

“Well, I haven’t secured an actual appointment. Because they have a long waitlist right now, so they said they’ll contact me when I can.”

Jaeil begins to eat, and you’re glad that he’s got an appetite now. “Then, nothing we can do until then.”

You try your best to smile. 

Staring at the ring on the counter, you think about how you’re going to kill Beomgyu when you see him.

Nobody answered the door when you banged on it late at night. Soobin most likely had worked an extra shift, and Beomgyu was probably off who knows where. 

In the morning, Soobin answered the door in his Gengar onesie. You held the ring up by his face. “This yours?”

He rubbed his sleepy eyes and craned his neck closer. “No?”

“Didn’t think so.”

Now, you were walking into Obstetrics on the hunt for Beomgyu instead of taking your well deserved lunch.

Nayeon spots you from behind the desk, and steps around the desk to block you from taking another step. “Dr.____. To what do we owe the pleasure? This is the umpteenth time I've seen you over in our hallway.” 

Your shoes squeak against the ground as you attempt not to run her over. But what if you just put your hands out and shoved her hard? 

“Hi, Nayeon. Just passing through..”

She sneers, crossing her arms and getting close to your face you could smell the coffee on her breath. “Quit looking for Beomgyu. It’s beginning to look a little desperate. Haven’t you heard? He’s seeing someone already. As are you.”

There’s only so much anger your body can hold, and you were already seething from Beomgyu’s stunt with the ring. Now you could explode with the hypocrisy spilling from Nayeon’s mouth.

“No offense, but you aren’t exactly extraordinary. Did you know the higher you reach, the harder you fall? Let’s not ruin things over embarrassment. People are watching.” She places her hand on your shoulder as if she was giving you life-changing advice.

You clench your jaw. Surely, steam was rising above your head and coming out of your ears. Nayeon probably wasn’t the only one who was thinking that you were trying to throw yourself over Beomgyu. That wasn’t new. But what was hard to hear was how they perceived you as way below his league. 

Did it hurt because it felt almost like Beomgyu was justified for treating you so poorly in the past? Or because some twisted part of you wanted to be the one that was unattainable for Beomgyu? Was it competitive or was there something more to it?

Nayeon waits for you to respond, but you know that sometimes actions can speak better than words ever could. 

Beomgyu walks out of his office, glancing up from the ground at you with surprise. Nayeon pretends to occupy herself with some papers at the counter. You know she’s planning to eavesdrop on your conversation with Beomgyu in hopes she catches something juicy to gossip about. 

Burying your hand in your pocket, you take out the ring. Deciding to mess with her a bit.

“Left this in my bathroom last night.”

You see her head twitch.

Beomgyu steps in front of you with a small smirk tugging on his lips. “Oops,” he holds out his hand for it. “Must’ve been too busy making sure I snuck out quietly that I forgot to check if I left it behind.”

So he did leave it behind on purpose.

Nayeon coughs, needing to reach over for her water. 

Drown, bitch.

You drop the ring into his palm. “Quietly? Funny, I could've sworn I heard something in the kitchen.”

He gasps theatrically. “Oh no, you have rats?”

“Yeah, a big one named Choi Beomgyu. Think I’ll set out a trap tonight to get him for good.”

He chuckles. “Fine, I stole a bowl of soup for the road. Burned myself by accident. See?” He rolls up his lab coat to show you a mark on his forearm.

“Aww, want me to kiss it and make it better?” You roll your eyes at him.

He huffs through his nose. “Yeah, I do, actually.”

He wastes no time in bringing his forearm closer to your face. You wrestle to get away from him and to anyone watching, it probably looked like he was ready to elbow drop you. 

“Choi Beomgyu!” You shout his name out of breath as you twist away from him. He laughs like he’s forgotten that you two aren’t two top professionals of a hospital.

A deep clearing of the throat snaps the two of you to look up at Director Jung standing in the hallway. 

Beomgyu closes his mouth and fixes the sleeve of his coat. You brush your hair away from your face as you create distance between you and Beomgyu. 

Director Jung darts his eyes between the two of you. “Dr. Choi, you’re needed in surgery for a c-section. Dr. ___, you’re… not.”

You inhale through your teeth and nod. “Sorry, I’ll be leaving now.”

“See you at dinner.” Beomgyu says a pitch higher than normal just for your ears to catch.

You flash him a look over your shoulder. 

From behind Director Jung, you point at him and mouth. “Don’t you dare!”

He smirks evilly, rolling his eyes at you as if to say whatever.

Glancing over at Nayeon, she’s stuck staring at you.

You bite your tongue to prevent yourself from sticking it out at her.

“That bitch has it coming. She insulted me! She said he was out of my league, like excuse me? As if I’m dying to be on his waitlist.” You tell Ari as you two wait for your coffee at the coffee shop near the entrance.

Ari giggles, rocking her hips side to side as she stretches.

“I mean… aren’t you?”

You look at her like she’s crazy, but then realize she’s talking about the fertility consultation waitlist. “Oh,” you stifle a laugh.

“What’s wrong with wanting to be on his personal waitlist?” She winks. “If you ask me, I sense something between the two of you. I could see you two hooking up, and so could everyone else. Nayeon’s just in denial and she’s trying to make sure it doesn’t happen. Which I know, it won’t. You know, considering the history between you two.”

The barista slides a Frappuccino over the counter and Ari leans over to grab it, thanking him. She tosses her hair over her shoulder before taking a long sip.

She waves her hand out. “But don’t you think he’s changed? During that delivery, he was speaking so softly and moving so gently. Did you see how he held the baby? My ovaries were ready to burst. How could you not fall in love with him? He seems like such a romantic.”

You open your mouth wide, but she holds her finger up to try to stop you before a sound comes out. 

She fails.

“He's snippy, full of attitude, and a heart attack waiting to happen. I’m the only one who can see that. You are all victims.”

She wasn’t wrong about Beomgyu being a romantic. You saw how he treated his girlfriends. He falls in love fast and acts like the perfect boyfriend at first. You’ve seen him walk in with bouquets of flowers and remember their favorite snacks. Unfortunately, you also saw when his fuse would go out. How he would start to give them distracted kisses or go radio silent. The only one smart enough to get a grip was Chaewon. 

You remember how Chaewon came running into Sakura’s dorm room after Beomgyu had forgotten about their after-lecture date. She was all glammed up, and he wasn’t responding to her texts. Eventually, he had texted her with an excuse and an apology, but by then the two of you had calmed her down and reminded her of his pattern. 

So she broke up with him before it could happen again.

Ari drums her fingernails against her drink.

“Is that why you like Jaeil? Cause he’s predictable and a safe choice?”

You blink slowly, unsure what to think of what she just said.

She holds her drink out to you to share a sip. “You’re scared to go for a wild card like Beomgyu. But what if it ends up being fun?”

You shake your head to both the drink and her statement.

What could be fun about wasting time and having a broken heart? She isn’t wrong, Jaeil is predictable, comfortable, but most of all he’s safe. Even though the two of you might fight more frequently, you know how to make up with him. You know just what to say, and you know how he works. He loves you and he’s committed. At the end of the road, there’s a baby, a house, and a marriage. 

Leaving all that behind to have some fun and the worst heartbreak of your life would be stupid. You would end up a bitter, single old lady reminiscing about what she lost.

“I’m not looking for fun, Ari. I want so much more. And Beomgyu? Well, he hasn’t dated anyone longer than a year.”

The barista sets your lavender matcha on the counter. You manage to give him a polite thanks as you place the straw into the cup and walk with Ari out of the shop.

“Someone has to settle him down, don’t you think?”

You groan. “Every girl of his past probably thought the same thing.”

She laughs. “‘It’s true! Someone is going to be a winner.”

“I wish you luck, Ari.” You swat her back.

“Bleh,” she chokes. 

You both walk over to a table and sit down. “What do you think the perfect girl for him looks like, anyway?” She asks, trying to be nonchalant with her question.

You stretch your arms up and ponder. “Someone really pretty. She has to be sooo pretty that he fears losing her, I think. That’s what he has against all these girls. He reels them in with his looks and charms, and knows it. So he always has the upper hand. But when they get too comfortable, it scares him. Or he gets bored with the game. I don’t know. Maybe he always wonders if he can do better? He’ll always have options so I don’t think he worries about being a bitter single, old lady reminiscing about his past.” You snort.

Ari nods slowly. “I see…”

You flicker your eyes to hers, and it’s like she’s finally come to a realization. She fixes her face. “Dang, I thought I could compete.”

‘You could, Ari. But he doesn’t deserve you.” You shake your head. 

A girl walks into the lobby and immediately captures your attention. She’s glowing golden under the skylights with her tan skin and soft brown waves that reach her waist. She holds the small purse in her thin, delicate hands and stands tall with perfect posture. You worry the air conditioning in the lobby would blow her back out the revolving doors.

“Damn.” Both you and Ari blurt.

You point at her. “It’ll be someone like her.”

Ari’s mouth hands open, and her gaze flickers to the top of the stairs. You follow and catch Beomgyu jogging down the stairs toward her.

One big HA! bursts out of you.

Beomgyu says something to her before quickly placing a kiss on her lips.

You roll your attention back to your drink. “I think I'm manifesting things.”

Ari covers her mouth. “I’m going to cry. That has to be his girlfriend, right? Who the hell can compete with that? Are his girlfriends like Pokémon? Do they keep evolving because what the fuck? Quick, at least call Nayeon to witness this. Maybe she’ll faint and go into a coma.”

You glance back. They’re still talking. Beomgyu places his hand on his nape and looks around the room. 

You sit up and grip your drink. “We should go. In case they have lunch here.”

Ari gets up from her chair. “Good idea. I don’t think I can take the sight of him doing anything nice for her.”

You toss your empty drink into the garbage, before joining her on the stairs. You can’t help but glance toward them once more. She’s almost as tall as Beomgyu. Maybe if you were taller, you would be more intimidating to him. 

Beomgyu tilts his head and eyes shift to notice you come into his line of vision. You recognize the glimmer in his eyes and you can’t help but hold his stare. You press your lips tightly together, eyes unblinking and hard.

“I think I get you now.” Ari whispers to you. “I’m starting to hate him.”

You let out a breathy laugh. 

You were carefully reviewing Baby Samuel’s care plan, when an alarm goes off across the room. You recognize it as Baby Haru’s ventilator alarm, his monitor flashing in warning. Ari looks up, occupied with feeding another baby.

You’re already darting across the room with the other nurses. Baby Haru’s lips have turned blue in such a short amount of time, failing to get oxygen into his lungs. You notice the tube has dislodged.

“Keep his head steady.” You ask of Emma, one of the nurses. She nods.

You re-intubate, sliding the tube carefully back to where it should be. The respiratory therapist adjusts the ventilator and calls out his oxygen levels until the alarm is silenced. Your shoulders relax only when Haru’s chest rises and falls steadily.

You dart your eyes back to the monitor, staring hard to ensure it doesn’t go down again. Once it does, you lean away from the crib. 

You didn’t realize that Haru’s father was in standby, as white as the curtain. He hadn’t made a single fuss or commotion, yet he looked so afraid. “He’s alright now. The tube dislodged with his sudden movement, but it’s good now. Thank you for remaining calm.

He nods quickly, wiping away his tears. “Thank you.”

You smile and gently rub his back. “I promise, if an alarm goes off, at least four people will dive in to help.”

After debriefing with the next team, you decide to head over to the nursery to end your day. It had been awhile since you visited. It always shocked you with how big the newborns looked compared to the preemies. 

Turning into the hallway, you find Beomgyu standing at the baby window. He chews on his bottom lip, concentrating on one baby in particular. Sensing a presence in the hallway, he steps away and looks over at you. 

His waterline is red and his eyelids are more pink than usual. Had he been crying?

You grip onto your bag, feeling rooted to your spot now that you’ve been noticed.

He turns toward the window, eyes solemn.

“She didn’t make it.” He finally says, barely above a whisper. 

Your heart plummets. “The baby?” You whisper back, carefully. 

He shakes his head slowly. “His mother.”

The air leaves your lungs and your bag slips off your shoulders. It’ll never get easier to hear when patients pass away. Especially when they leave something precious behind.

“She was in a car accident on her way over. She seemed fine, she was able to have a natural delivery, but she had trauma to her head.” He pauses to swallow hard. “She passed shortly after.” 

You’ve never seen Beomgyu this visibly upset.

“I’m sorry, Gyu…”

He shakes his head as if annoyed with your apology. “I told her she was going to be okay. I thought…”

You furrow your eyebrows, taking steps closer to pull him in for a hug. He keeps his arms at his sides at first, but then he sinks more into your touch while exhaling shakily. Could this be his first ever encounter with a patient’s death? If he rarely practiced in obstetrics before, then chances were likely this was his first maternal death.

It’s hitting him hard.

“You said what you hoped. Those words could’ve given her the strength to make it through labor. Because of that, she gave birth to a healthy baby.”

His voice broke. “___, I k-knew her. I helped her. She was my patient from Moon. It took her nine cycles of IVF before it was successful.”

Your heart shatters. How is it fair that she won’t be alive to raise the baby she hoped for?

“That’s not even the worst part. The father…He doesn’t want him.” 

You frown, confused. “He doesn’t…? He can’t do that. Legally?”

Pulling back, you look up at Beomgyu. He looks up as his eyes water. “He’s refusing responsibility. Said there’s no point in raising a child without her. So social services will be here tomorrow for the baby.”

Your voice catches in your throat. “That’s too soon, he’s just too angry to think clearly…that’s his child. The only thing he has left of her.”

Beomgyu wipes his eyes with the corner of his palm, and looks back toward the baby through the window. He drops his gaze to the floor. “It’s too late. He’s signed the paper.”

You run a hand through your hair, pacing toward a wall to lean on. How could he abandon his child?

Beomgyu tilts his head back as if attempting to tilt his tears back into his face.

“I just don’t understand.” You tell him. 

Beomgyu chuckles without humor. “Because it doesn’t make sense. Some people don’t think things through and they rush into it. Then something like this can happen.”

“Nine cycles of IVF doesn't sound like rushing things, Gyu. People who try IVF, they’re desperate for an option that works. I’m sure they wanted this baby more than anything else in the world. Right now, he’s just not in his right mind.”

Before you completed your sentence, Beomgyu was already shaking his head. 

“You’re wrong. You want that to be the reality so badly, but you forget that not everyone has good intentions even from the start. She came in so excited after reading about the research I’ve done. Every time they would visit, she would talk about all the things they would do when the baby was born. Do you know what he said? Nothing. I think he only ever said a total of five words.”

You chew on your lips, listening. He takes a deep breath and continues,”It was weird. And it took me a while before I understood. Some people want a baby because they want a baby, no matter who can give it to them. Shouldn’t it be that you want a baby because you love someone so much you want to create something of you both together?”

You drop your eyes to your feet. You can feel his gaze on you, waiting for an answer, and give him a stiff nod.

Yeah, it should be like that. 

Do you want a baby because you want a baby with Jaeil? Or do you just want a baby?

You already knew what the answer was and you hated yourself for it.

“Is your patient still considering IVF?” He asks.

You lift your eyes up and glance out at the hallway where nurses pass by, but no one seems curious as to why the two of you are in the hallway together. 

“She is,” you tell him.

“Then, I hope she really thinks carefully about it.”

You turn your head to look at him, and he’s staring intently.

“Beomgyu, I know this is all very hard. But don’t let it change your opinion… Not everyone can be this cruel.” 

It happens in typical contraception as well. Accessing IVF is extremely limited (mainly for its cost) but imagine getting a doctor that tries to convince you out of it. Not that Beomgyu sounded opposed to IVF entirely, but he was adamant about having people reconsider their choices. As if he would be the type to.

“I guess you wouldn’t understand.” You whisper under your breath.

He frowns. “Why wouldn’t I understand?”

“Because I doubt any of this is on your mind right now?”

He narrows his eyes. “You think I haven’t thought about settling down? Or having a family of my own?”

You scoff, “Not when the pregnancy would be longer than your relationship.”

The words slip out before you could stop them. 

To think that you spent the first half of this conversation comforting Beomgyu, and now you’re back to the usual sour banter. It’s always going to go south with you two, isn’t it?

He laughs bitterly, like it hurts, and maybe it does. “Haven’t you been in your relationship for over seven years already? Give or take a zillion breaks, of course. Tell me, ___. Where’s your ring? Where’s your baby? Hmm?” He pouts. 

You stare hard at him, tears prickling your eyes. 

He leans in and whispers. “Come on, lie to me. Tell me some bullshit about how you’re waiting until the perfect moment. Tell me how you love him so much it’s worth it.”

The air becomes too hard to breathe in. “Find that so hard to believe?”

“I do.”

Before you say anything more, he leans in enough to whisper over your lips. “Because if it was true, then you wouldn’t have been so desperate to throw yourself at me.”

You wince and step back. 

“I didn’t throw-!“ Your voice comes out hoarse. That’s not how it went at all. Right? 

He laughs as you doubt yourself. “The minute I let you come for me, you came so needy. You were starved– deprived. I knew it all along. Jaeil could never satisfy you. You’re settling, baby. You’re settling for a mundane relationship. Marriage or a baby isn’t going to change the dynamic of your relationship. Instead, you’ll end up making the biggest mistake of your life.”

Your throat burns. You feared that night would come back to haunt you. And it did in the worst way because he was now holding it over your head. 

You and Jaeil broke up a few nights prior to the wedding. You wore your heart on your sleeve willing to give it to anyone that could remind you that you could be loved again. You gave it to the worst person you ever could’ve.

No one knows about what really happened that night, except for the both of you. For him, you are just another girl he fucked for a good time.

For you…

“I didn’t throw myself at you because I wanted you. I was only using you. Just like all the other girls do because that’s all that you’re good for, Gyu! You’re a horrible hollow, shallow person! At what point do you ask yourself why you can’t hold a relationship? At least, I’m good at something!”

He looks at you with so much hate, it’s sickening.

“I’m glad you remember that night. It’s my reminder of why I’ll never go for someone like you. Jaeil will always be the better option.”

“Because you’re scared.” The lips of his mouth curve up. ”You think I didn’t notice…? How your hands shook? How your lips trembled against mine? How you cried when you looked at me? You’re scared to feel more than you’d like to admit.”

So what? The thought almost came out of your mouth. 

So what?

So what? 

So what?

Admitting anything, won’t change the fact that he’s an asshole that plays with girls’ feelings. Just to hold it against them.

Pressing your hands onto his lab coat, you shove him away, accidentally yanking off his ID to the ground.

 “Stay. The Fuck.  Away. From. Me.”

There’s a hiccup in your breath, and you hope he doesn’t catch it. 

You ignore the curious stares of everyone as you rush past them. You were too busy trying to keep yourself together until you were out of the building completely.

Because he was right.

Some sick twisted part of you wanted him. 

And you were never going to let yourself have him.

Wedding Night

There were three requests Taehyun asked of the friend group for his wedding night.

1.      Please, don’t hook up with his cousins.

2.      Pleeaasee, don’t get shit-faced drunk (until the after party).

3.      Pretty please, no fighting for the entirety of the night (He might’ve dramatically swished his head left and right to look at you and Beomgyu respectively).

As the mother of the group, Yunjin had stepped up to the task of making sure that everyone would obey his requests. Spoiler alert: she failed. All requests were disregarded. Not in that order, but all by one person.

It started over dinner when Taehyun’s cousin, Eunah had joined your table. The boys watched her every move like a flock of birds. You couldn’t blame them. With her sleepy gaze and plump red lips, she reminded you of a real life Bratz doll. Once she took the spot next to Sakura, you caught the boys running through rounds of rock, paper, scissors. The smug look Beomgyu wore told you he was the winner, and by the boys’ look of disappointment, the prize was a good one.

During dessert, Beomgyu shifted to the edge of his seat, smoothing down his cream jacket. You locked eyes for a moment, while you enjoyed a spoonful of the lemon sorbet. You suspected he was going to do something that might upset you. Your eyebrows knitted together while you watched him get up to occupy the chair next to you. Knew it.

As he introduced himself to Eunah, you inhaled deeply, ready to let him have it.

Yunjin blew air between her teeth, a quick chh, for your attention. With one firm shake of her head, she warned you to just leave him be and not cause a scene. It was better for her to fail at one of her requests than two of them.

You frowned so deeply that your forehead burned. Why was the good child always disciplined for the bad child’s behavior?

Whatever. Out of respect for Taehyun, you decided to leave Beomgyu alone. Besides, your mind was too busy stressing over your recent breakup with Jaeil to add Beomgyu to the mix. Tonight, you planned to let loose and have fun, tired of being a little bound by the rules of your relationship with him. It wasn’t until Beomgyu rocked back into your space, as he laughed, that something inside you snapped.

After the fifth time, you shoved him with your elbow. You might have misjudged how heavy he was going to be and pushed him a tad too strongly.

Beomgyu’s head whipped back so hard you heard his neck crack. He turned to look at you from over his shoulder in bewilderment, one eyebrow rising after eyeing you up and down.

“You’re pushing me off my fucking chair.” You told him.

“Say something then, damn. Don’t push me.” He clicked his tongue before returning to Eunah.

You stuck your tongue at the back of his head. Not wasting another second longer, you grabbed your sorbet and moved to his former seat between Soobin and Yunjin. Yunjin who didn’t witness a thing, gently patted your arm. “I’m proud of you,” she mouthed with a look of endearment.

Once the party lights spun on, and the music changed, you levitated from your chair. Your first stop was the open bar. You were devastated when they mentioned they weren’t able to make you a pina colada, so you settled on pineapple juice mixed with the coconut rum. After drinking three of them, you dragged a reluctant Soobin to the dance floor.

You enjoyed the night for what it was – a celebration of two beautiful souls who found each other and wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other. Once the lights streaked across your vision, and you couldn’t tell which direction you were swaying, you excused yourself back to the table. Yunjin and Chaewon tried dragging you back, but you swatted their arms with a giggle.

Beomgyu and Eunah were stepping out of the photobooth as you passed. You tried to control your face as you ignored them. Beomgyu was not going to become the centerpiece to your thoughts.

After crashing into the chair, you retrieved your purse from under the table. You hoped to find a text back from Jaeil. Something like I was wrong, please take me back. Please don’t do anything stupid tonight, I love you so much. Instead, you were met with the photo of your kiss at the beach and the reminder that it was way past your typical bedtime.

Whatever then.

Quickly, you change your background to one of you at a music festival.

“Fighting, Mr. Perfect?” Beomgyu asked dryly, setting down his glass of whiskey on the table. He steadied himself as he watched Eunah dancing with Yeonjun.

Whiskey? Who’s he trying to impress? Even Yeonjun opted for an amaretto sour.

You threw him a look, scooting your phone away from his view. According to Beomgyu, Jaeil was “Mr. Perfect”, because who else would you have considered worthy of dating you?

“And you? Or have the decency to break up with Number 45 before going for someone new?” You scoffed, trying not to slur your words together. The anger was stronger than the alcohol.

He switched his focus to you, giving you a sly smile. “Keeping tabs? I’m flattered.”

“Flattered? Don’t be. You’re always dating someone, no?” It was as if he was allergic to being single.

He held your eyes.

“Why? Waiting for your turn?” He pouted.

“Hell no. Why would I put myself through that torture?” You leaned into your hand, blinking slowly.

He slid his hand on the table for balance, leaning closer to your face. The alcohol was overpowering his cologne, but the flush up his neck and red of his ears were more telling.

“Torture? Riiiight. I forgot you’d much rather try to resuscitate a dead, boring relationship. For what? Bragging rights? Proving you’ve met your prince charming?”

You slammed your hand down on the table. “Fuck you, Beomgyu-“

“Maybe you should,” He breathed.

You tensed, unsure you heard correctly.

He repeated, “Maybe you should—and then thank me for it.”

Without hesitation, you slapped him, the sound drowning with the music.

Even though you sent his head turning, he looked unfazed. Sensing a second one, he braced himself and caught your hand firmly in his. He pulled it into his chest to keep you from trying to land another one.

You laugh with a sharp gasp, “Is your answer to get with everyone? You think everyone wants you?! Does that make you a player, Gyu? Then you dump them once they start to care? You’ve got commitment issues! Why do you think Chaewon broke up with you? Why do you think Taehyun told everyone not to hook up with his cousins? It’s all because of you!”

You leaned up, but he didn’t budge. “Am I the only one proving something? Because to me you’re trying to prove you’re not as worthless as you really are.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know shit about me. Yet, you care so much. It’s wild! Obsessive, even. Since the beginning, you’ve been judging me when I was doing absolutely nothing to you-“

Your eyelids fluttered. “Nothing? You call all the bullying, teasing, name-calling, nothing?” With a hard tug, you managed to pull your hand free to dig a finger into his chest as you stood.

He steps into it more. “I was only teasing you because you did it back. Tell me, when did it exactly go “too far”?”

“Maybe when you said my relationship was dead and boring?!”

“I was only defending myself after all the constant shit you keep throwing at me! Like this? Right now? Okay. All because I’m being nice to Eunah?”

You flushed. “You’re not being nice! You’re trying to fuck her!”

He poked his tongue against the side of his cheek. “Careful, baby. You’re starting to sound jealous. Tell me the truth. Do you not want me to be with Eunah that badly?”

 You diverted your eyes. “No, I don’t care-“

“-Really? Cause I think you do.”

“Taehyun said-“

“I’m asking YOU, ___.” He chased your stare, not letting you look away from him. “Do you not want me to be with her?”

“No.” You bit your tongue, surprised by how it came out. You meant to tell him No because of Taehyun. Instead, it came out like you were begging and desperate.

When nothing else came out of your mouth, he stepped back. His exhale came out unsteady, equally surprised by your response.

“Then have me.” His voice cracked, angry and airy.

Before he could clarify, he reached for your hand and pulled you toward the exit. You stumbled behind him, fixing your stare on his back or you would end up on the ground.

He barged into the groomsmen suite. The deep navy room smelled strongly of citrus and melon. Gold-accented mirrors hung along every wall, and a combination of leather and velvet sofas were grouped in the middle. Jackets and belongings were scattered everywhere, but no one was in the room.

Your hand slipped from his and you turned to see him lock the door, afterwards, shrugging off his jacket to toss over the sofa.

There wasn’t anywhere for you to run, now. You swallowed the nerves down.

While rolling up his sleeves, he lifted his eyes to you.

The tension in the room had grown thicker, making it harder for you to breathe quietly.

Closing the space between the two of you, he slowly placed his hand on your waist. It made you stop breathing altogether. With a gentle stroke of his thumb, you found yourself relaxing.  

He held you in place softly while his eyes scanned your face to check if it was okay.

It wasn’t okay. His touch burned.

He bent down, close enough that the ends of his fringe tickled your forehead. “End this, ___. Have me.”

You struggled to hold yourself up, your knees weakening. Your hand came up to his chest in case the heat became too much you needed to shove him away. It trembled and you weren’t sure that you’d build up enough strength to do it even if you wanted to.

Underneath your touch, you felt his own heart beating hard against his chest. It was enough for you to give in and close your eyes to kiss him. He met you halfway, despite the distance already being so short.

When your lips connected, you felt a surge of relief to the tightness in your chest. You almost cried, overwhelmed with what it meant.

Would he hold this over you? Would he even remember?

You didn’t want to pull away, stuck between not wanting the kiss to turn into anything else, and to be the catalyst too. Withdrawing, you check his expression. He gave a small smile before opening his eyes.

His hand had traveled higher against your back to press you closer against him, making sure that you weren’t going to pull too far back.

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” He whispered.

“A-awful.”

“Yeah?” He chuckled, voice thick with need.

“Mhm. Let’s never do it again.” You taunt him.

“I think we should.”

He placed his other hand to cradle your head, gently massaging it before pulling you in again. You loved the light smell of his aftershave, and the sweet honey taste of his mouth. You wondered if he was enjoying it as much as you were.

He moved his lips slowly, and you followed, letting him lead. His lip were so soft, it was unexpected.

You sucked his bottom lip gently.  He smiled into the kiss, breaking the kiss to switch and take your bottom lip to do the same to you. Your lips continued to dance with each other, a similar rhythm to your banter. When you felt his tongue tease yours, your eyelashes fluttered. The yearning spread throughout your body.

Was this another way of teasing you?

“Good?” His voice tickled your lips.

You shook your head. Lies.

As you took a breath in, he crashed his lips over yours, stealing your breath. He walked you back to one of the sofas where he carefully bent you down. Your kiss broke, but you reached up to wrap your arms around his neck to bring him back with a small whine. This time, Beomgyu applied more pressure, parting your lips with his so he can slide his tongue against yours. Gingerly and like a tickle at first, but then hungry for more. 

He groaned, sending pleasurable goosebumps all over you. It was a beautiful sound, and you wanted to hear him again. So you made room for him to place his knee between your legs as he shifted toward the sofa.

The room filled with the sound of your hungry kisses and barely contained moans.

You’ve never been kissed like this before. Like he was completely drinking you up, and he was a thirsty, thirsty man. You broke for air only when you were on the brink of passing out, loudly inhaling for some air. But he did too, his low and shaky.

Beomgyu rocked back, he must’ve been using his strength to hold himself up. You sat upright and scooted back to let him get on the sofa. He did, all while reclaiming your swollen lips for more kisses.

When he pulled you into his lap, you braced yourself onto his shoulders. A sneaky hand traveled up your dress, and one of your own went into his shirt. He helped you by unbuttoning it before getting the courage to rake his fingers up your thighs as he lifted the dress to pool at your waist.

“Beomgyu,” you whined, a little fearful because you would let him do anything to satisfy the throbbing in between your legs.

“Mmm?” he pulled back from the wet kiss, brushing his lips against your jaw. You ran a hand up the smoothness of his neck and laced your fingers through his hair. His eyelids had grown too heavy for him to keep his eyes open. He pulled your hips down against him, guiding you to move against his crotch. He was hard beneath you, turned on as much as you were.

You bit down on your lip, hoping you could keep the secret of desiring him a little longer. But when he licked a stripe up your neck before nipping on the skin, your jaw relaxed and you moaned shamelessly. He bit you playfully, a moan-turned chuckle escaping him.

As he tickled your neck with his breaths and kisses, you became more lightheaded. The sounds of your moans almost unrecognizable to your ears.

You jerked your hips away when you felt yourself get too sensitive rubbing against his pants. He responded by reaching down to unbutton them and tug them down, bringing his boxers down with it.

The smartest thing would’ve been to keep teasing him. Maybe come back down from cloud nine and think about how you could gain the upper hand. Instead, you went with instant gratification. Beomgyu pulled away as you reached between your legs. He watched you while his chest fell with his shallow breaths.

You pulled your panties to the side and reached to guide him into you. He tilted his head back for a breath before leaning back into the space. He helped – one hand holding your waist the other holding his dick in his hand while you adjusted yourself on top. The wetness dripped down his length.

He groaned, massaging your butt until you felt him slide into you with ease. Much faster than you’d like. You bit back a yelp when you sunk down against his hips, your abdomen clenching.

He swallowed hard, a finger gently moving your hair away from your face. “Is this okay? Are you okay?”

You nodded, giving him a breathless confirmation. His eyes glossed down your body before helping himself to getting rid of your dress. You helped, shivering when the cool air from the ceiling fan brushed against your skin. He cupped your face and gave you a slow kiss. It was enough to melt your body against him.

Moving against him was painful, and you weren’t confident you knew how to. You rocked back, but when you moved your hips and sunk back further, that’s what made him gasp. His fingers dug into the flesh of your ass as he helped with the speed. Once you moved with ease, it started to feel good to you.

“F…feels good,” you breathe.

“Yeah?” He groans. “Don’t stop.”

Once you got tired, he held your hips and rammed into you. You place your hands on his chest as you arch back, moaning when he thrust against a sensitive spot. You hadn’t realized how loud your moans grew until his mouth came over yours to muffle them.

Your legs trembled, and your arms were getting tired of holding yourself up.

He noticed, whispering. “Baby, let’s switch.”

Nodding, you climbed off him, taking his spot to lay down on your back. Feeling exposed under the recessed lights, you folded your arms into your chest to hide your body. 

While catching your breath, Beomgyu shrugged his oxford shirt off. Your eyes drank up his honey skin. His arms were toned, and while his abs weren’t defined, they were still tight. Fuck, you wanted him inside you again.

He smiled down at you with his soft gaze. With a gentle swipe of his hands, he brushed away your arms from your chest. You bit down against your bottom lip as you gave in and rested your arms by your head.

He laughed softly at your reaction, a small wrinkle of his nose. Then he continued to admire you, tracing patterns against the skin underneath your bra as he made his way toward the back where he couldn’t reach. You helped by unclasping your bra, checking to see if that’s what he wanted.

His face turned more serious as he swiped his finger under your bra strap to pull it off your body.

Your heart pounded hard against your chest. Could he see it?

“Beautiful,” he whispered.

You were too easy.

After pulling down your panties, he propped your leg up to guide himself at your entrance. This time, you take him in with pleasure.

You gasped, rolling your head to the side when he thrust into you.

You whispered his name, and he whispered against your temple, “I got you, baby.”

He snapped his hips forward. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t hold back your cries. The room quickly filled with your satisfied groans and skin slapping against each other. It was getting hot and the sweat traveled down your forehead to your temples.

Beomgyu swore and hissed when clenched around him tightly, clawing at his back after he folded in your legs to pound deeper.

“Beo..om..gyu!” His name broke with your sobs.

He groaned with pleasure, his hair curling at his forehead. He pushed further, and you felt the pressure explode before you could warn him. You arched, shivering, as the ecstasy broke your body. You chanted his name between your writhes, needing him to keep you together.

Beomgyu kissed you, breathing hard against your lips as he kept you flush against his body. Wanting to feel your orgasm for as long as you could, you tensed every muscle.

Whimpering into his mouth, he continued rocking into you until your sighs told him you’d be okay.

Wrapping your legs around him, you kissed him with tears in your eyes. He continued rocking into you until he stilled, grunting softly.

“Fuck, ___.”

You panted against each other’s mouths, until a knock on the door startled both of you.

He cursed again, pulling out of you. The leather on the sofa squeaked as you shifted away from each other. Whoever knocked must’ve left because they didn’t continue.

The two of you scrambled to clean and re-dress. You remembered holding your dress up while zipping it as Beomgyu stepped out the door. Under the panic and sobering up, you couldn’t remember if he told you he was going to come back or if he left without a goodbye.

You didn’t wait to find out in case it was the latter.

Once ready, you slipped out of the room to freshen yourself up in the lady’s bathroom before returning to the reception room to say goodbye to the others. Beomgyu eventually stepped back inside the room, roped back onto the dance floor with Yeonjun like nothing happened.

Your heart sank to sickening depths, but you buried away your feelings. If you didn’t think about it, maybe the memory wouldn’t stick.

After all, it wasn’t meant to mean anything or change anything between the two of you.

Because if it did, he would’ve said something to you. He would’ve texted you. He would’ve chased you out the door. He would’ve called you the next day.

He would’ve, he would’ve, he didn’t.

And a week later, Jaeil showed up on your doorstep with a dozen, and one roses to apologize.

PREV | NEXT

Beginning | Masterlist

Pt. IV Coming Soon

Taglist: @whoisgami, @seungminnieinthebuilding, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @soobinz-wife @lovegyuuuu @bamgeutori @poisonouschristmastree @haede-shi @tsookies

You swallow hard.

“It was all an act for Yoona.” You try to convince yourself more than her.

She drops her hands and stares hard. “What? No. I don’t think it was. When she wasn’t even around, his eyes remained on you. He was not watching her at all. Absolutely zero interest. What I want to know is if you’re ready to admit that you’re interested in him too?” 

Your throat dries up, and you cough. Is what she’s saying really true? Or is she as delusional as you were feeling? How stupid would you be if you let down the armor over your heart… for him.

“I can’t.”

She narrows her eyes. “Because of Jaeil?”

You bite your lip and shake your head. 

Your heart is racing so fast that it’s making you nauseous. Ari’s definitely making it worse by bringing him up before you have to walk into the room and face Beomgyu again. Things were already awkward after the kiss. 

You cover your face and try to control how red it’s becoming.  

Ari sighs. “It’s fine. I get it. He’s unpredictable, you’ve mentioned that before. And you’re fresh out of your relationship with Jaeil. I was only thinking, with Yoona out of the picture, now’s the chance to test his feelings for you. I want to witness it with my own eyes, and I want you to see what I’m seeing too. If it’s hard for you to admit your feelings, at least admit you’re attracted to him in some way? So if you only want him for the night, then take what you need… in a sexy two piece, please.”

You let her words sink in and give in a little. “You’re not mad at me… for any of this?”

Ari laughs. “No, I’m rooting for you or me. Bitch, he’s ffffine.”

You bite your tongue. “Weird to agree, so I won’t. He’s whatever. I’m thinking the breakup is just clouding my judgement.”

She gets up. “We’ll see. You better walk out with something better than that hoodie and those sweatpants. Remember, you exude sexy, when you feel sexy.”

Short shorts, and a thin, fitting long-sleeve was as sexy as it was going to get. For the cherry on top, you ditched a bra for triangle bralette. Even though it wasn’t anything extreme, you did feel more confident.

You’re the last to trail into the apartment. Taehyun’s the first to notice you walk in, exiting out of one of the rooms and giving you a small wave. Soobin’s catching up on Bebe’s newest performance, draped over the couch with Kai who's playing a game on his phone. The girls are getting comfortable on the floor, pulling down pillows from the couch. As you walk further in, you see Beomgyu and Yeonjun at the kitchen island, preparing the drinks. Yeonjun’s serving while Beomgyu’s leaning over the counter talking to him. 

Beomgyu’s hair had fallen over his forehead, and he was wearing a Baby Metal black t-shirt with plaid pajama pants. You would be lying if you didn’t admit he looked really good.

You stroll over and pat Yeonjun’s back. “Mind if I take one now?”

Yeonjun laughs, holding up a shot glass in the air. “Open up.”

Doing what he says, he tilts the liquor into your mouth. It goes down smoothly and after the warmth, a strong peach nectar sticks to your mouth. 

The flavor stutters your thinking for a moment.

Yeonjun smiles. “Good, huh?”

“It is.” You confirm while wiping your lips.

Beomgyu leans over more. “Hello to you too.” He smirks like he knew you were ignoring him on purpose. 

“Hi.” You reach over for another, but he covers it before you can snag it.

“Give me it!” You frown.

“Maybe if you ask politely.” He stretches out his pointer to tap your princess ring. 

Uh-oh, you forgot to take it off. Glancing at his hand, it looks like he didn’t take his off either.

Before Yeonjun notices, you smack Beomgyu’s hand. 

He shouts in pain.

“She’s abusive. Fix her.” Beomgyu tattles to Yeonjun. You roll your eyes and Yeonjun sticks his tongue out before grabbing a few glasses to take toward the living room. “Just help me, yeah?”

Pleased with Yeonjun’s response, you take the opportunity to steal the glass from under Beomgyu.

“You on call tomorrow?” He asks.

You tilt your head back and welcome the peachy liquor to travel down your throat once more. “Nope!”

“Still… slow down.” 

You set the glass down. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Just looking out for you, sweetie.” He bats his eyelashes. 

With a deep inhale, you grab as many glasses as you can and walk over to set them at the coffee table. 

“Since everyone’s gathered together. I have some important news!” Sakura sits up. 

“Fuck, you’re pregnant.” Yunjin squints her eyes at her. Your eyes widen as you get settled between Ari and Yunjin.

Sakura laughs. “I’m not pregnant. Yet.” She holds up her hand, revealing a pear-shaped diamond on a silver band. Soobin leans in to look, eyebrows raised. 

“But I am engaged!”

Your jaw drops. “Congratulations, omg!”

Yunjin crawls over to look at the ring. “So pretty! You hid that all day?!”

“Easy behind the gloves.” She wiggles her fingers with a proud smile. “Can you believe he proposed?”

“I mean it’s been two years! Man does not waste time.” Yunjin laughs as she rocks back into her spot, and then freezes.

You can feel the tension shift in the room, the chorus of congratulations becomes awkward as eyes shift your way, making you uncomfortable.

“Oh shit. I’m sorry, __.” Yunjin covers her mouth.

You try to laugh to ease the tension, reaching out for a cup. “Please don’t be! Um, Jaeil and I broke up.”

The news shocks those who hadn’t already been aware. Yeonjun turns his head toward Beomgyu.

“Are you okay? Since when…?” Chaewon’s eyebrows draw together.

You wave your arms around, quickly telling the same brief story you told Yunjin and reassuring them that it's nothing so the spotlight can return to Sakura. 

“Seriously, I’m just glad that we get to attend a wedding soon. To Saki!” You cheer for her holding your glass high in the air. As the others do the same, the tension decreases.

“Hey,” Chaewon grins, “At least you can go on dates with us. Next weekend, let's go clubbing? Oh! And Yunjin found a speakeasy with such gorgeous bartenders. All over 6 feet tall, all can lift us with one arm.”

You burst into laughter and she throws you a wink before getting up to head into the kitchen. 

“Damn. That’s what girls are searching for these days?” Yeonjun mumbles. 

Beomgyu’s face pinches. “All those guys are always on shit. ___ couldn’t handle that.”

“You wouldn’t know anything about what I can handle, Choi Beomgyu.” 

You glare at him. 

He gives you the oh please look.

Yunjin clicks her tongue at Beomgyu before shifting to glance back at Kai from over her shoulder.

“Kai, Yoona was so fun and cute. Why’d she leave early?”

He leans forward. “Oh, she said she couldn’t drink with us. She’s doing a brief photoshoot in Malaysia tomorrow so she had to go. I forgot to tell everyone she said she had a great time and invited you all to visit the studio sometime.”

“Can we get photos done?” Ari’s eyes sparkle with interest. She would be a fantastic model if she ever wanted to pivot from nursing.

He nods. “‘Course. I can take photos after hours. Saki, we can take some fun engagement photos if you invite Yunho.”

Kai turns to Beomgyu who’s opening a can of beer after Chaewon drops some off onto the table. “Did you two break up? I thought you and Yoona were seeing each other which is why I invited her to come, but you two hardly interacted. I was confused.”

“Never dated. I told her the other day to give me some space.” Beomgyu brings the can to his lips.

Space? You frown. As in something temporary?

Slowly, you turn to catch Yeonjun pointing his eyes on you as he watches you carefully. You fix your face. 

He shrugs his eyebrows and reaches under the table for the playing cards. 

What was that about? The glance at Beomgyu and now you? It’s clear that he’s picking up something between the two of you as well and maybe that means that he witnessed more than you realized earlier. Could he have caught the kiss? God, what could he be thinking.

“Sounds like nothing’s new with you then.” Yunjin rolls her eyes. 

Taehyun sighs. “Shame. Yoona’s beautiful. I’d think you wouldn’t want to lose her.”

Beomgyu shrugs. “Can call her whenever.”

“Disgusting,” You mutter under your breath. 

It would be a lie to say you didn’t feel a sting in your heart. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Beomgyu raises his eyebrow at you. “Sorry that you unapprove, __.”

“I do, actually. Treating girls like play things is disgusting." You twist your ring so the design is hidden away.

“When have I done that exactly?” He challenges.

“Guys…” Taehyun shifts his eyes between you two.

“With Yoona.” You don’t back down. If you wanted to, you could tell everyone what happened earlier. That Beomgyu had asked you to pretend to be involved with him to deter her away.

His stare narrows. “Who else, __? I’ve always been direct with what I’m doing.” 

“You think because you’re honest about what you’re doing that it doesn’t hurt anyone's feelings?”

He pouts. “Feelings? Because they end up falling for me? I should take accountability? Is that what you’re saying, ___?”

Repeating your name over and over is a pet-peeve of yours. You shake your head, your head pounding.

“Sorry,” Beomgyu scoffs. “I forgot things work a little differently in __ land where you have to exchange vows before you even look into each other’s eyes.”

“Fuck you!” You lean back on your hands.

“Enough.” Soobin cuts in. “Don’t ruin a fun night so early.” 

“Don’t worry. I’m done talking to him.”

Yeonjun claps his hands to receive the attention.“I’m ordering pizza. What do you all want?”

“Spinach and feta.” Beomgyu says, leaning back against the couch with his arms behind his head. 

Yeonjun nods and points to you. 

You press your tongue against your cheek. That was your favorite pizza.

“One for me too.”

“Sorry, you’re sharing.” Before you argue, Yeonjun takes everyone else’s order. Chaewon stretches for the remote on the couch, switching the music from Bebe to R&B.

Taking a backseat on the conversation happening, you take a beer can off the table and drink some. 

“Girl, what was that?” Ari whispers, using her hair as a curtain. 

“Reality.” You take a big gulp of beer. It’s not your favorite, but there’s something addicting about it.

“I’m so confused how you guys could do a whole 180 in a matter of hours.”

“But wouldn’t you agree he started it?”

She chews on her lip. “I guess.”

Fuck Beomgyu, fuck Yoona, and fuck your heart. All three have been messing with you all day. You meant it when you said that reality had sunk in. Beomgyu will always continue to be a big fuckboy baby who thinks he can be with whomever he wants whenever. You know that, Yoona knows that, everyone knows that. Yet, everyone just lets it be. When was it going to be time for Beomgyu to have a taste of his own medicine?

The doorbell rings and you're grateful the pizza is here. It makes everyone spread out in the room more. You continue to sip away until you’ve hit the bottom of the beer can and feel a slight buzz. 

When Ari stands up to get you both pizza, you look up to see that only you and Beomgyu are left in the living room. He sits across on the couch, equally spaced out, new can in hand. 

You turn your body away to face the TV, cradling your arms around your knees.

Hours ago, Beomgyu and you were pulling each other closer and now you two were back to bickering, ready to shut each other out. 

It was confusing.

Maybe it was because you two didn’t hate each other enough. And the same could be said about the opposite. 

If only you never crossed that boundary because you can’t imagine continuing this seesaw for another decade. 

Unfortunately, the only answer now would be to go to the extreme. Either you two hate each other completely or - 

Yeonjun lets out a loud hiccup. “Let’s dare-or-drink.”

Everyone had settled back over to the couches and floor with their pizzas. Ari sets your plate next to you and you quickly thank her before helping Yeonjun distribute the shots on the table. You make sure there’s four in front of you for the game. Staring at them makes you nervous.

“Start with Soobin.” Chaewon points over to him. 

Soobin points to himself. “Me? Okay. Hmm… Who’s most likely to get the drunkest tonight?”

You scan the room and everyone ends up pointing between Yeonjun and Yunjin. 

Taehyun grins. “I think Yunjin wins this one.”

She runs her hands through her hair. “Nooo…. Swear that I won’t even get tipsy.”

“Sorry babe, you’re up for the dare.” Chaewon giggles.

Soobin slides a shot in the center for her to take. “Dare you to dance to Kara.”

“Oooh.” you slide another shot in the center. “And upload it on social.”

Yunjin drops her jaw. “You’re kidding.”

Yeonjun laughs and slides another one in the center. “The caption has to tag the last guy you texted.”

“Fuck.” Yunjin presses her hands against her forehead.

You hold back a laugh. 

“Times up Yunjin.” Yeonjun sing-songs. “Three shots or do the dare.”

“This is how I end up shit-faced. Yunjin picks them up and takes them one after another.”

“Oh my god.”

Yunjin makes a face and shakes her head after. “I’m going to be sick. Okay.”

She claps her hands, already regaining her energy. “Most likely to flirt with someone they absolutely shouldn’t.”

It’s mixed, but you don’t miss how Beomgyu points to you. 

Most were his way as they should be. 

Yeonjun gets a mischievous gleam in his eye. 

“I dare you….” Yunjin thinks. “To show everyone how you kiss. With no one to kiss.”

“Can’t do that.” Yeonjun stretches his arm to point at her. Can’t add a rule.”

“What?!” Yunjin starts to argue with him. 

“It’s true.” Soobin says. “The rule is to show everyone how you kiss.”

Beomgyu chuckles.

Yeonjun slides a shot over. “So I’ll add. It has to be someone in this room.”

Your eyes widen. 

“Ew. we don’t want it.” Yunjin gags.

Taehyun practically jumps and slides one of his own. “Has to be a girl.”

Sakura slides over shot. “Has to Yeonjun.”

“Contradicts that it has to be a girl. So pick one of your friends. Quick, time’s running out.” Kai rolls up the sleeves of his shirt and leans onto the coffee table with a smirk.

Yeonjun slides his glass over. “It has to be __.” 

You snap your eyes his way. 

Your suspicions that Yeonjun knows something has grown stronger.

Eveyrone looks amused. 

You slide your shot over. 

“Time!” Yeonjun shots. 

“Nuh-uh! Who is even keeping track of time?” You gasp.

“I am.” Yeonjun points to the clock behind you. “No choice.”

“So what’s it going to be?” Soobin asks Beomgyu. “Four shots or kiss ___?”

Beomgyu looks over at you and you glare back at him.

He chuckles, rolling his head back. “I’d rather take the four shots.”

Mm, okay.

Better for you, anyway.

Yeonjun looks disappointed after he takes down the four shots.

Beomgyu screams as it burns down his throat and wipes his mouth with his sleeve, eyes already rimmed red. He burps internally before asking, “Most likely to send a desperate text to their ex?”

You knew it was coming. He pointed his finger right at you.

Kai’s sweet and points a finger to himself. 

“Can’t point to yourself.” Beomgyu says.

Everyone’s looking to see who has the most hands pointed at them, and for the most part it’s mixed. But Beomgyu and Soobin are both pointing at you, making you the winner.

“Soobin.” You scold him. He shrugs, rolling his head, “You’re always texting Jaeil and probably gonna get back together.”

Your heart aches, but you understand that everyone’s grown tired of your on and off relationship with Jaeil.

Now you’re at the mercy of Beomgyu’s dare. 

“I dare you…” He holds back another burp. “To confess your body count.”

Shit. The heat is slowly creeping up your neck and you hope it doesn’t show on your face. The girls know that you lost your virginity to Jaeil. So if you tell the truth, they’re going to want to know who the second body is. 

You wait to see if anyone's going to add anything, the panic increasing.

If you tell the truth, the girls will be shocked. But if you decide not to answer and take the shot, you would just look like a loser that didn’t want to admit that it was only Jaeil. 

Chaewon slides hers over and you look at her in surprise. “I’ll make it more fun! And tell us the best place you’ve done it.”

Ari and Yeonjun move at the same time.

“Don’t tell us who.”

“Tell us the names.”

Saki points to Ari. “She went first.”

Yeonjun narrows his eyes at Ari. “Interesting. Changing mine to initials only.”

“Too close to his name.” Ari shakes her head.

Everyone agrees to your relief, and you admire her like she was your knight in shining armor.

“Then… call… them…” Yeonjun thinks out loud, and nods when he feels like he provided a good addition to the dare.

Now you had four shot glasses in front of you. 

Well, you obviously couldn’t answer the question. 

You hold your head.

“Sorry, we thought we were helping you.” Yunjin whispers.

You reach down and take all four. By your third shot down, you gag.

“We’re entering the gagging stage.” Soobin laughs.

By the time you kept doing more dares, people were gagging and calling it quits (Kai and Chaewon had even knocked out with their heads against each other).

You fan yourself, knowing that if you looked in the mirror, you’d be flushed. 

Your phone lights up and you squint, re-reading the name appearing on the screen. The letters dance until you make out that it’s Jaeil.

Your heart flips, not helping the nausea.

“Excuse mmme.” You wobble when you stand, the room tilting. “Gotta call.”

You try to shove your way through Soobin rolling on the ground. “Jaeil?” You put the phone to our ear as you walk over to one of the bedrooms.

“__?” Jaeil says on the other end. 

“Uh-huh. Is me!”

“Are you drinking?” 

You tilt your head, trying to understand his tone. 

“Yeah,” you shrink your voice. “With my friends. Why’re calling?”

“Sorry. I know I shouldn’t be. I just have something important to tell you. It would be right for you to know.”

An unsettling feeling enters your stomach. “Can you just give me a minute?”

Whatever he had to say, sounded serious. Maybe even something that was going to ruin your night. It was better to move over to your apartment.

You carefully open the door, Yunjin’s and Sakura’s messy conversation growing louder as you step out and rush to your apartment. With every step, your heart beats faster.

“But if you’re drunk, I think it can wait until you’re sober in the morning.”

“No!” you blurt, opening the door and stumbling into your apartment. “I need to know. Jaeil, don’t do that to me. I’m going to be worried sick.” 

“It’s nothing concerning, but I need you to be sober for it. It’s good news, I promise.”

You stare at the clock. 3 a.m. already.

“Good news? Please don’t tell me you want to get back together. I don’t think… that’s not what I want…” 

He hesitates on the other end. 

“Do you… do you want to get back together?” You ask.

Your door opens behind you, and you spin around to catch Beomgyu standing in the doorframe, hand on the doorknob.

Jaeil sighs, “Sorry. It’s regarding your infertility.”

Beomgyu’s cheeks are tinted red, flushed from the alcohol. His strong eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes have a hint of sadness. When his jawline tenses, your breath catches.

You fumble with your phone, dropping it with a clatter. It lands by his feet and he swings his arm down to claim it. “Please stop calling her, Jaeil. Enough.”

He hangs up the call looking ticked off. Funny, you’re the one with more of a right to be angry.

“What did you do that for?!” You shout as you step closer, nearly on his toes.

What was Jaeil going to tell you? What if you forgot in the morning? What if it was important? 

He shuts his eyes and keeps your phone in his back pocket, placing his hands on your hips to prevent you from pushing you both over. His fingers brush along the sliver of exposed skin, setting it on fire. “___.”

“No, Beomgyu, seriously. Give it! I need to talk to him.” You attempt to reach for the phone, making him back up against the stove. He leans against it as he catches your wrists, wrestling with you.

“No, you don’t.” He keeps fighting your hands, trying his best to remain gentle.. “___, stop! He’s just going to keep fucking with you!”

You're so angry that you shove him as you step back. “He’s not playing with me! Jaeil was never playing with me. Just because it got rocky toward the end of our relationship doesn’t throw away all the years we were together. Not everyone is like you, Beomgyu.”

He ticks his head away, annoyed. “So you wanna continue and waste another seven years of your life?! Fucking wake up! Am I saying it has to be someone like me?” Beomgyu stretches his arms out. 

Your eyes sting.

“No, it can’t ever be someone like you.”

He pulls his head back, hurt. 

“I know. I know.” You point at him, trying to tell yourself too. “Because you’d be the worst fucking waste of my time.” You struggle to keep your balance.

“Fuck you.” Beomgyu mutters under his breath, his voice cracking.

He reaches for his back pocket, placing your phone onto the counter with a light toss before running his fingers through his hair. 

You step back. Although you could reach for your phone, you don’t. Because you’re rooted in place studying him.

Why was he even standing in front of you? Had he been curious the minute you picked up the phone call? Or did he plan to corner you alone in your apartment for another reason?

You can’t think clearly because your eyes are stuck on his arm as it flexes with every comb through his hair. Your body warms and you're disappointed in yourself for looking along his body. 

He catches you, of course, and he leans back against the counter.

Is he not leaving? 

Breaking out of the spell, you reach for your phone giving him a faux smile.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to continue to waste anymore time. How about I go make some mistakes, hmm? You’ll see. You’ll be proud of me in a few months! Then you can ask me all those humiliating questions again. But do me a favor in the meantime, while I’m making mistakes, why don’t you learn from yours?”

Beomgyu smacks the counter as he stands up and backs you up against the wall. 

“Always acting like you know me so well.” Reaching up to your cheek, he brushes his thumb across your lips. You look up at him from beneath your lashes.

He drops his gaze.”You can’t walk away without answering some questions for me, okay?”

You continue to hold his stare, waiting.

“Do you think about me, __?”

“How can I not?” 

He leans in closer while emphasizing his words. “Not like that, baby.”

You shudder. It’s becoming harder to breathe and harder to swallow.

A corner of his lips lifts.

“You do, right? It’s okay. I do, too. Want me to leave right now? Then, say it. But you wouldn’t be doing yourself a favor.”

You lick the the pad of his thumb, wrapping your lips around it while not breaking eye contact. He tilts his head back as his eyelids lower, the tension in the room shifting.

“Who would be doing the favor, Gyu?” You tease with a tilt of your head, tone light.

In seconds, Beomgyu pulls his hand away and seals his mouth over yours. You’re not surprised, you were hoping for it.

You slide against the wall, trying to regain your stance. When you do, you press against him, the heat transferring from him to you. You love the way his grip on your hips strengthen as he tugs you closer, holding you like you’re his lifelong. 

You gasp for air, letting out a yearning sigh. No matter how much Beomgyu annoyed you, it wasn’t enough to kill the strong attraction you felt for him. Right now, you needed him deeply. You wanted every piece of him to surround you in body and thought. He clearly did, too.

He parts your lips with his, your tongues eagerly intertwining. He tastes of peaches, a mix of the alcohol and him. A taste that’s not easy to replicate and one that you envy isn’t exclusive to you. 

He tastes so good.

He teases your tongue with a lick, making you wine. And he laughs against your mouth before locking your lips together. In response to his tease, you push your hips against his, earning you a small groan.

Again.

Not breaking from the kiss, Beomgyu reaches down to adjust himself. When he brushes against you again, you feel how turned on he is.

You feel yourself throbbing, remembering how good it feels when he’s inside you.

You grind into him while your hands feel up his biceps and run through his hair. His hands travel down your back and to your ass where he squeezes as he continues to grind.

When the two of you are panting so hard that you have to break away from the kiss, Beomgyu hoists you up. You wrap your legs around him tightly and tug on his hair to draw his mouth back to yours.  

You wish you didn’t miss his body as much as you did, but it’s been years. When would it be the next time the two of you would be this close again?

He turns to lean his back against the wall, spreading out his legs to keep you on him. His hands continue to grope your ass, squeezing tighter.

Your breath shakes into his mouth, the need getting stronger.

“Admit you fucking want me, __.” He moans the words out lazily. 

You shake your head stubbornly. He responds by biting your lower lip gently and tugging it. 

“Or I’ll stop.”

You don’t believe him.

He laughs, yet he doesn’t stop. 

“Admit it, baby. Admit that you want me and I’ll admit how I can’t stop thinking about this, too.”

“You first,” Your voice comes out tight. 

He grins like a true drunk. Placing his mouth over yours, he gives you a lazy kiss. “Want you, ___.”

He spanks your ass and you inhale sharply. 

“Your turn.” He commands.

Your eyelids flutter.

“I,” you whisper, “Want you, Beomgyu.”

A slow smile spreads across his face. 

It falters when you hold onto his shoulders and grind into him. It makes him slip down the wall a little, and wraps his arm around you tight as he adjusts you back to where you need to be. 

He moves along with you, going faster as his desperation begins to show. A small mewl comes out of you when you're rubbed the right way. 

He mimics the sound with a drunk laugh. “Fucking love that sound. Let’s go to your room, yeah? So I can fucking hear more.”

You gasp and climb off of him. 

You don’t have to worry about walking to the room because Beomgyu scoops you up and carries you to your bed. He lifts you like you weigh nothing more than a sack of feathers and it turns you on.

He attempts to lay you carefully down, but you don’t mind tumbling into the bed, reaching to pull him over you. Your heart drums against your chest as he crawls over, staring down hungrily.

It’s not long before his hand is gathering the fabric of your shirt and pulling it up to reveal your bralette. You help him out a little and toss your shirt off.

Hooking his thumbs under the fabric of your bralette, he pulls it up so your breasts are in full display. 

“Beautiful,” He says before his mouth is around your breast. You arch up into him with a moan.

He takes his time kissing your breast, mouth wide enough to take in as much as he can. When his lips brush along your nipple, you whimper. 

“Beomgyu…” You groan with pleasure.

He hums, continuing to kiss your breasts hungrily. He alternates to give them each the same care, showing how he’s been starved of your body for years.

The room fills with his needy breaths and your satisfied sighs.

When you feel his kisses travel down your abdomen, your sighs grow higher in pitch, the anticipation building. You lean on your elbows to watch him, your chest rising and falling. He licks and sucks wherever his mouth can land as he gets closer to where you need him to be. 

Before he tugs down your shorts to see what he’ll find, he pulls his shirt off, grabbing from the back and pulling it off in one swift motion. His necklace dangles against this chest. 

Since the wedding night, his abs have become more defined. You’re not sure you can hold yourself back. Just like how his mouth was all over your body, you wanted to do the same.

He pulls down your shorts and panties. Once you kick them off, you hold your legs closed, becoming shy.

“Please?” He smiles with a twinkle in his eyes. 

It’s enough to melt you, your legs easily sliding apart as he gently coaxes you too.

He runs his tongue along his teeth before placing a kiss straight between your legs. And opening his mouth, he slowly gets a taste of you.

“A-ah..” You tilt your head back, but gather the strength to lift it back to watch him. You're mesmerized with how he looks between your legs, busy running his tongue flat against your opening.

His eyes roll back as he releases a satisfied groan.

You blush fiercely, gasping with pleasure as he laps. Fuck, fuck, fuck… how can you hold it? Your legs tremble, and you realize the adrenaline is kicking in. He fixes your leg when you flinch, having just firmly licked over your clit. 

“Ww-wait!” You gasp, unsure you can handle the buildup. He shakes his head, repeating the movement. 

“Shit!” You grip the bedsheets, rolling your head. Grabbing the pillow from next to you, you cover your face and scream out a long moan. Spreading your legs wider, you let Beomgyu sink in more.

You buck your hips and breathe hard, wanting the release. He anchors you with his arms around your legs, busy slurping and kissing. The groans he makes only push you closer to your orgasm.

You feel like pressing your legs together, the tension knotting in your lower stomach. 

You whimper with the ache, throwing the pillow aside as you arch harder and holding onto the bedsheet. The intensity was increasing. “G-gyu!” You cry out. He doesn’t stop and you wrap your legs around his head as you break.

You struggle to breathe and Beomgyu rubs his hands all over until you’re no longer trembling and gasping.

“Fuck, baby,” He breathes.

“O-Oh…” you smile in ecstasy, sighing peacefully.

Bending down again, he kisses up your leg before he’s cleaning between them.

You softly mewl, your hands reaching down to play with his hair.

When he’s finished, he crawls over and helps you out of your bra. “Did I do good, baby?”

You nod, finding your voice in a mess of whispers. “So good. You did so good.”

He smiles in your praises. Holding your jaw firmly, he gives you a taste of yourself. Your tongues roll over each other.

“You taste so good. Don’t you?” He purrs. “I want to taste that again and again, whenever I ask for it, okay baby?”

You nod.

“And whenever you ask for it, I’ll drop down to my knees and do it for you.” 

Please.

You kiss him back, your hands traveling down his abs. When you hesitate at his waistband, he helps by tugging his pants off, his cock springing free. Returning his hands to caress your body, he rubs your inner thighs until his hands are back at your core, two fingers entering you.

You clench around his long fingers. 

“Again? Want it that bad?”

You nod, desperate and needy. He chuckles, low and breathy. 

“I do, too, baby. I’m so fucking hard.” He tells you as he pumps his fingers inside of you.

Heaven.

“Yeah?” You catch your breath.

“Yeah…” He whines. “It’s becoming painful. Help me?”

You bite your lip, not wanting him to pull his fingers out. But if it means, replacing them with what you really want, then you better hurry.

He reaches for your hand, placing a kiss in your palm before spitting in it. You bite down hard on your lip, drinking up the sight of him with the saliva spilling from his mouth. 

He places himself into your hand, and when you begin to stroke him, he rolls his head back to sigh with relief.

You adjust your hand on his thick girth, pumping him at an even pace. He had to be close to 8 inches, it was always so easy for him to hit the right place. Your heart flutters and you clench around nothing, eager for him to fuck you.

You gently rub your thumb over his swollen tip.

He sucks in air between his teeth, his hair falling over his forehead as he looks down at how you stroke him.

Spreading your legs, you guide him to come closer so you can tease him with your entrance, coating the head of his penis with your juices.

His cock flexes in your hand and he growls, “Are you teasing me, baby? Or are you telling me to fuck you better than you’ve ever had?”

You close your eyes.

He leans over and holds your neck, going in for a kiss. When he presses his thumb against the side of it, you moan. 

“Do you want more?” He licks across your lips and then kisses up to your ear.

“More.” You answer.

The room spins when he blows into your ear. 

“Ahhh…”

He releases his hand from your neck and glides it down your shoulder before he’s guiding himself into you. You spread your legs wider, letting him in. As he settles into you, both of your jaws drop.

Oh hell…

Your heart flutters as he pulls his hips back and thrusts. “Oh, fuck….” You smile with sweet relief.

Pleasure builds up between your legs, his cock stretching your walls. He hadn’t even fully inserted himself and you were already feeling full.

“Aren’t I a better fuck?” 

Your eyes snap up at him. 

He laughs and grins. “Say it, __. Say I’m a better fuck.”

You open your mouth to answer, but before you can find your voice, he rams into you, giving you everything. The initial pain makes you wince as you cry out.

He increases his thrusts and the pain quickly blossoms to tingles of pleasure. 

“Fuck! Harder!” You beg. 

He pants as he gives you what you need, his hand returning to your throat. “Am I fucking you good, baby? Am I the best you ever had?”

You nod eagerly, your eyes rolling back with how lightheaded you become.

“Can’t I hear it come from your pretty lips?” He whines.

“You’re a better fuck, Gyu! Oh!” You dig your nails into his arm as he fucks you harder. He pushes your legs in and fucks you deeper. 

“What couldn’t he do for you, princess, that I could?”

Shit, he’s talking about Jaeil.

Fucking, Jaeil.

“A b-baby.” You croak. “F-fuck!”

He lets out a shaky exhale, leaning closer to you. “What?”

You shake your head, and he moves his hand to hold your jaw, making you look at him.

“Say it or I’ll stop.”

You whine. “C-couldn’t get m-me pregnant."

“You want a baby?”

You moan, nodding your head and looking at him with tears in your eyes, mostly from being fucked too good.

His pupils dilate. 

“Turn around,” He growls, taking back his hand and pulling out. You roll to your side, your arms trembling as you hold yourself up on all fours.

His hand travels down your back and presses your upper body down toward the mattress. “Fuck, you’re so fucking hot, __.” He compliments while pulling your hips back.

You writhe, wanting him to plunge into you. 

He doesn’t make you wait, stretching you over him and thrusting.

You grip onto the mattress, squeezing your eyes shut with how forceful his thrusts into your needy hole become. 

“Wanna know what would happen if I come in you?” He snaps his hips forward and you push your hips back.

“Mmm?” 

“Fuck — you’ll get pregnant, baby.” He pants. “Is that what you want? You want me to fill you with my c-cum?” 

His voice begins to break and his thrusts become more desperate. You’re already crying into the mattress.

“B-Beomgyu!”

“But I won’t… I won’t cum in you, not unless you’re begging for it. C-cause then everyone will know. Everyone will know that I filled your pretty little cunt with my c-cum.” He loses air at the end of his sentence, groaning.

“You can’t!” You cry, pulling the bedsheets closer to you. 

“No?”

“I can’t.” You push your body up with your arms and throw your head back.

“Shhitt.’ He pulls you up and kisses your neck. “You can, ___.”

You nod, your eyes rolling back.

The pleasure becomes too much for you to handle again and when your bodies collide, your juices are squirting.

“Fuck, baby!” His arms wrap around you as you climax once again.

You breathe in so hard, it almost sounds like it hurts to catch your breath. 

He wipes the sweat away forehead and the sticky strands of hair to the side.

The idea of Beomgyu getting you pregnant was a wild thought, but it turned you on more. 

He kisses your shoulder. “You did so good, baby.”

You nod, exhausted.

“Now lay down for me.”

“M-mm?” You turn to look at him.

He looks at you with determination. “Can you go one more time?”

You flush.

“I don’t know,” You confess. Was he going to give you another orgasm so close after the last? 

“Do you want to?”

You bite your lip and do as he says, laying on your back.

He strokes himself while continuing to guide you. “Raise your hips for me, baby.”

You obey.

He places a pillow under you. “Mmm…where’s your vibrator, I know you have one.”

You stretch your arm out and pull the drawer of your nightstand, but Beomgyu didn’t wait for you to get it before he’s pushing into you. You become a pile of mush, eyes rolling back.  

He reaches for it and turns it on. “Hold it, princess. Right over your clit.”

You take the vibrator from him and rub over yourself until the vibration is gliding over the nerves. Your teeth chatter as you curse. 

Beomgyu’s breathing hard, he hardly can speak. “You’re going to orgasm…. so hard for me…I’m going cum so d-deep in your pussy...”

You chant his name, this orgasm coming sooner than you thought with the help of your toy.

“Mmm….How are you going to explain it to everyone, ___? How are you going to hide my baby?”

You thrash as you whimper. “W-won’t!”

“You won’t? Cause you want me to get you pregnant?"

You nod. “Mmph - yes!”

He purrs. “You wanna be special, ___? The only one that has something of m-mine?”

Stars start floating over your eyes.

“Please!” You’re losing air.

“Please what, ___.”

“F-fuck… cum…inside…me!” You plead.

You arch as white flashes over you, an intense heat rippling in your lower abdomen that has you screaming like you’re breaking.

Beomgyu grunts as he digs his nails into your hips, his hot seed filling you up. 

He shifts off balance, inhaling through his nose hard. “S-shit…”

When he pulls out of you, you feel his cum spilling between your legs. 

“Wait,” he folds your legs in. As it continues to spill, he pushes it in with his fingers. “So pretty~”

You’ve barely caught your breath as you admire him. He’s breathing hard, covered in sweat, and you know that you are no better. 

The sweat glistens on his body, showcasing his muscles more. His hairs ruffled from you touching it, and the ends have curled. You feel a squeeze in your heart, as if it was a big thank you for the back to back orgasms received in the last hour and a half.

He looks up to check on you, a small smile forming on his lips. 

“You were so loud.” He chuckles. 

You bite your lip. “Really?”

“Not complaining. It really is my favorite sound.”

You flush, looking away. 

“Ever?” You tease him.

As you reach up to sweep the hair sticking to your cheek, you realize your hands trembling. He reaches over to help you and his eyes fall onto your lips, like they always do. 

As if he was giving in, his shoulders relax and he leans over to kiss you, sinking into the spot beside you as he tugs you close to him. 

“Ever. I’m serious.”

“Mmm….”

Your eyes droop, but you fight to keep them open. 

He tucks your head into his chest, and you can hear how his heart beats faster. 

“Rest.” He scratches the side of your neck gently. The goosebumps travel down your spine, and they almost have the opposite effect of sleep.

“I’m scared.” You admit.

“Of what, ‘heart?” 

Of tomorrow.

Of him leaving.

Of this all being another painful memory. 

The seven years with Jaeil taught you to find the courage to leave. But what if Jaeil wasn’t your toughest lesson? What if it’s finding the courage to want someone to stay?

He whispers your name.

You shake your head, unable to say it out loud.

“That… that you’ll get pregnant?”

You shake your head. “No… If I do end up getting pregnant… If you give me something that I’ve been hoping for. I can never hate you for that. I can’t ever hate you the same way, Beomgyu. It’s the opposite.” You swallow so hard. “Very much, the opposite. And I’m so scared of what could happen when we wake up tomorrow.”

He wipes the corner of your eye with your thumb, but you weren’t crying. Maybe you were going to soon. 

“Tomorrow, I’ll still be here. I’ll be right here, ___. We’ll talk about it then.” He murmurs into your hair.

“We never do,” your voice cracks, and you glance up at him.

Pain flashes over his eyes. “This time, it’ll be different.”

“What if I forget? What if you forget?”

He searches in your eyes. “Forget?”

You swallow the thick lump inside your throat. “Promise, if I forget and you remember… that you would remind me?”

He settles into his mind for a moment before giving you a small smile. 

You nod with relief, finding his hand and interlacing your fingers together.

“Sleep...” he tucks the blanket over you. 

As you close your eyes, you find it difficult to open them again.

He kisses your lips, murmuring something against them.

You don’t catch what it is.

But you trust that he’ll repeat it again in the morning.

PREV | NEXT

Beginning | Masterlist

Taglist: @whoisgami, @seungminnieinthebuilding, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @soobinz-wife @lovegyuuuu @bamgeutori @poisonouschristmastree @haede-shi @tsookies @nanilis @reiofsuns2001 @bunniwords @hyuckxtagram @bamgyt @mkthjkrs @berriesandcigs @fairfootedflekk @qfeet @pagesoobinie

His eyes drift over to the canvas set on the easel hugged by baby’s breath and white lilies. As if blessing your engagement, the sun kissed your heads while the flowers reached up to congratulate you both. You’re wearing a white silk dress, the very one he once gathered at your hips with trembling hands, admiring Yeonjun with a soft smile. Yeonjun returned the endearing gaze, holding your hand tightly like he would never let go.

Beomgyu grimaces, his stomach twisting. A wave of nausea hits him, and he feels the cold panic spreading. He thought that he could be brave and hide his 15 years’ worth of feelings for you on your special day, but it was proving too difficult of a task for him. Soobin, who happened to glance over at Beomgyu, raises his eyebrow with concern. Before Beomgyu can excuse himself, an arm is thrown over his shoulders.

“My best man!”

His vision blurs, but he recognizes the voice. 

Yeonjun’s cologne, strong of bergamot and lemon, suffocates him from every angle. As if the air wasn't already having a hard time filling his lungs.

The others all cheerfully congratulate Yeonjun, asking him how he feels. Yeonjun answers with a wide, victorious grin, “Like the luckiest man in the world.” Beomgyu loses all feeling in his heart.

“Do you have the rings?” Yeonjun asks him for the fifth time that day. Beomgyu swallows hard before nodding quickly to reassure him.

“Yeah,” he responds, his voice getting caught in his throat. He pats his suit over his pocket just over his bleeding heart. "I have them right here.”

Yeonjun visibly relaxes. “I knew I could trust you.”

Funny, Beomgyu thought he could trust Yeonjun too.

.

.

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Tuesday, September 10th, 2015 — 14 years old

Beomgyu rode his skateboard over to join you on the lawn as you watched some of the boys in your class at the skate park. He dug into his cargos and pulled out a pack of sour patch kids, ripping it open.

He put one in his mouth before offering you the pack. He knew they were your favorite. 

You dug your fingers in, thanking him softly. 

He basked in the sun, content with being next to you after a long, busy day at school.

“Beomgyu,” You sang his name. He turned to you, hugging his knees and ducking his head away from the sun.

You pursed your lips and held his eyes. He blinked with concern when you hesitated to continue. 

“Do you… do you think I’m ugly?”

The word hit like a bullet to his heart. 

Ugly? 

How could you even think that you were ugly for one second. Because you were the prettiest person that Beomgyu has ever laid his eyes on. Prettier than a doll, prettier than a fairy, prettier than a snow lilly, prettier than…

A piece of candy lodged itself into his throat, and it took all his power for him not to choke out loud. 

“Far from it.” He responded, no hint of the nervousness he felt. Pulling out another sour patch kid from the pack, he dropped it into his mouth. 

To you, his response must’ve felt no different than how your mother would respond. Typical, considering you’ve grown up with Beomgyu next door for the past seven years. Yet, the truth was that Beomgyu’s heart was fluttering.

You casually brought the back of your hand to cool your warm cheeks. “I… all my friends have boyfriends but me… and you’re a guy so…”

Lifting his eyes back to yours, he noticed that you held a bit of expectation on his response.

Beomgyu was too much of a coward to say anything.

“So,” you snapped out of it with a short chuckle. “I just thought maybe you heard something from your friends...”

He hummed as the wind blew across his heating face. “They all think you’re pretty. Just scared of rejection, I think.”

“Are you?”

All the air rushed out of his lungs. Instead of being brave, Beomgyu lied and said he didn’t like anyone.

After you got up to leave, he laid down on the grass, arm over his forehead as the clouds spun around in the sky.

Beomgyu kicks himself to this day for not just confessing that he’s been in love with you since you held his hand and walked him to kindergarten.

By now, it was obvious to everyone else. So much so that the reason you didn’t have a boyfriend was because no one asked you out on the assumption that you two were already dating. 

Why didn’t he just tell you he liked you? 

Maybe he thought he had more time.

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Monday, April 4th, 2016 — 15 years old

Yeonjun had moved into the neighborhood a few weeks prior.

If Beomgyu could be described as a gentle stream down the creek, Yeonjun would be a bolt of lightning striking in it. 

Every time Yeonjun appeared beside him, Beomgyu’s shoulders would jump. He couldn’t remember when he gave him the impression he wanted to be his friend. If anything, Beomgyu wanted to keep Yeonjun away from him because being close to Beomgyu meant Yeonjun would get close to you too. And considering that half the grade of girls already were melting at the sight of him, he was desperate to prevent that from happening.

Eventually, Beomgyu came to terms that Yeonjun wasn’t going anywhere. Yeonjun was content with Beomgyu’s quiet nature, talking his ear off whenever they walked home from the bus stop. You usually wouldn’t be around because you met with your art club after class. 

Against his will, Beomgyu learned that Yeonjun had moved in with his grandparents after his parents’ messy separation. It was something they had in common (and something he sympathized with). Beomgyu’s mom had left home a few years ago after a fight with his father over his controlling behavior. At least Yeonjun had someone else that would cherish him, Beomgyu was left to battle his father day after day. 

You met Yeonjun on an evening he overstayed. Beomgyu had forgotten to keep track of the time, and you had wandered into Beomgyu’s backyard while the two of them were arguing about who was the better champion to play in League of Legends (the answer is Ezrael).

Beomgyu held his breath when you cut Yeonjun off to tell him that it was Jinx. Indifferent, Yeonjun shifted his focus to playfully arguing with you that Yasuo was the better champion. 

“You don’t really play, do you? You just picked him because he looks cool!” You placed your hands on your hips and rolled your eyes, giving Beomgyu a who even is this guy? look.

Yeonjun threw his head back and laughed. 

Beomgyu relaxed when he was able to tell that there wasn’t anything special with your interaction with him.

No blushing, no fluttering eyelashes, no flirting… Just a “nice to meet you” and a “see you around” before Yeonjun left to have dinner.

Little did he know, this was the beginning of the end. 

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Wednesday,  May 18th, 2016 — 15 years old

Beomgyu wouldn’t say he was interested in girls yet. Scratch that, he wouldn’t say he was interested in other girls yet because he was only interested in you.

On the other hand, Yeonjun seemed to have his eyes on every girl in the class. Mostly, Beomgyu just listened to Yeonjun talk about who had the prettiest hair, who was the sweetest, who wore the best perfume. Eventually, Yeonjun noticed that Beomgyu didn’t really seem to have much of an input to the conversation. 

During physical education, Yeonjun nudged him to ask who he had a crush on. Beomgyu tried to mumble something incoherent, but Yeonjun wasn’t letting the conversation go. He debated lying and telling him it was Wonyoung, one of the most popular girls in the class. But before a bruise could form in his ribs, Beomgyu decided it would be best to just tell him the truth. Besides, wasn’t there something about bro code?

That ended up being a huge mistake.

After his guitar lessons, Beomgyu came home to see you giggling with Yeonjun on your porch steps.

He became rooted to his spot, feet and hands going ice cold. Usually the two of you only hung out when he was around. Why were you two suddenly close enough to hangout with him? Was it a coincidence that Yeonjun knew he had a crush on you? What if Yeonjun was telling you that Beomgyu had a crush on you?

Upset, Beomgyu headed straight inside his home.

Yeonjun later reassured him that he was only telling you nice things about Beomgyu. He felt terrible for thinking badly of Yeonjun right away, blaming it on his unexplainable urge to want to hate him so badly.

However, over time, the conversation changed from “I think she likes you!” to “Did you know that ___…?” 

Of course Beomgyu knew. He knew everything about you! He’s known you since the two of you were six years old.

Eventually, Yeonjun no longer mentioned talking about him to you, and that’s when Beomgyu’s stomach dropped with a bad realization. 

Yeonjun started liking you too.

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Friday, September 2nd, 2016 – 15 years old

Your mother had caught Beomgyu’s father yelling at him. She was on her way to work when she oversaw the struggle happening. He was pushing a resisting Beomgyu out the door, still in his sleeping clothes. He was yelling for Beomgyu to run to the corner mart to get him something to eat, refusing to eat anything Beomgyu offered to cook him. 

Beomgyu was panicking. Would he have time to make it there and back in time to get ready? If he was even a minute late for school, he’d have to kneel with his hands behind his head for the first hour of class. 

When the door shut in front of Beomgyu, Beomgyu leaned against it to catch his breath. Your mother walked over to the fence and called him over. 

Ashamed, Beomgyu walked over with his head hung low. It wasn’t a secret that the two didn’t get along. He was certain that you all could overhear whenever his father and him got into fights. He really hoped that it wasn’t impacting the way your mother saw him. What if she banned him from hanging out around you?

Gently fixing his hair, she reassured him that it wasn’t his fault and she was more than happy to take him in her car quick enough to make it in time for school. Beomgyu swallowed the dry lump in his throat and gave her a string of thank yous. 

As Beomgyu was exiting the cars with his bag, your mom told him that he was welcome to come over in the mornings before his father woke up.

He hesitated in responding, worried about how you’d react.

She smiled at him. “I won’t tell ___ why. Don’t worry. She’ll be too excited to ask anyway.”

He relaxed and nodded. “Thank you.”

Before he exited, she leaned over and enveloped him into a hug. He fell right into it, grateful beyond what he could ever say.

If there was at least one person on his side, it would be your mother.

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Thursday, September 22nd, 2016 – 15 years old

Beomgyu was carefully attending to the philodendrons in your kitchen, while you washed the dishes from breakfast.

He was thankful that a new space had been created for you and him, without Yeonjun. 

“Beomgyu?” you called for him, sweetly, as you turned off the faucet.

He set the small watering can down on the counter before turning to you, carefully pushing away his fringe from blocking his sight. 

You swept the sleeve of your arm, gaze dropping to the ground. “W-what would you do if you developed a crush on a friend but didn’t want to ruin the friendship?”

He noticed how your voice grew smaller. It told him how this was really happening to you. Guessing who it was about, his stomach dropped.

Beomgyu adjusted his sweater falling off his shoulder as it hung over his lean frame, thinking about how to respond. 

“I wouldn’t say anything. So that person can stay by my side for longer.”

You slowly nodded, looking away as your eyes became glossy.

“Right, maybe you’re right.”

But what if he was wrong?

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Monday,  October 24th, 2016 – 15 years old

Beomgyu carefully examined his reflection through one of the fish tanks in the aquarium during the field trip. Right in the corner of his lip, was a tiny scab. He grimaced. It wasn’t a big deal since it wasn’t going to become a bruise. It was merely a mark from where the remote landed after his father sent it flying across the room. 

A giggle from the other side made him look closer to see you standing there. As you walked over to his side, he sucked in the corner of his lip and awkwardly smiled. 

“Careful, didn’t you hear what happened to poor ol’ Narcissus?” You teased him, gently brushing your shoulder against his arm. 

Beomgyu chuckled and gave a light shake of his head. “I don’t know,” he wrinkled his nose. “All I heard was that he was extremely handsome.”

You hummed, eyes scanning his face. “Yeah… he was.”

He bashfully looked away. 

“You haven’t been over for breakfast lately. Is everything okay?” You asked, a wrinkle between your eyebrows.

Yeah, apart from his father threatening to break his stuff if he left too early.

“Sorry, been sleeping in. I feel awful. I know your mom probably makes enough to feed an army.”

You laughed. “She does, and that army is you. So now we have a bunch of leftovers, but that’s okay. I can always bring them to you and Yeonjun.”

A bitter taste filled his mouth, but then you reached over to brush your finger along his fingertips, making Beomgyu’s heart stop beating for a second. 

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about someth-”

Yeonjun pops up beside you both, out of breath. “Hey!”

Beomgyu smiled inwardly, raising his eyebrows in a half-hearted greeting. 

You turned to look at Yeonjun and waved with a wiggle of your fingers. “Hey, Jun.”

“Time to choose partners. I know you two are inseparable, but if you ask me, it’s unfair that the top two in our class are always partners. Soooo I’m going to steal ___ from you, if that’s okay?” He teased Beomgyu, reaching for your hand.

Beomgyu’s jaw dropped, ready to complain. He went to reach for your other hand, but you turned to him.

“Just this once?” You hold up a finger by your mouth. You jump up to lean closer to him, whispering, “His grades are really bad!”

Beomgyu stuffed everything he wanted to say down his throat and gave a nod. 

The two of you walked away, hand in hand. 

He curled his fingers into his fist and sighed.

If only, it really was just once.

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Wednesday, March 23rd, 2017--- 16 years old

Beomgyu spent the last few months making excuses as to why he couldn’t hang out with Yeonjun and you. It was for his own sanity because every time the three of you hung out, he would be too focused on how Yeonjun flirted with you, and how you let him.

Yeonjun even thanked him once for skipping out. Thanked him! As if he was doing it all on for his sake.

Beomgyu walked down the back steps of his house with a scoff, slamming the screen door closed.

Once inside his garage, he grabbed his guitar and plugged the cord into it before turning the volume on his amp all the way. 

Leaning back against the couch, he strummed until his calluses blistered all over again.

“Wow.”

Shocked, he looked over to see you shuffling your way inside.

As he sat up straighter, his long hair fell over his eyes.

“I can feel a whole lot of anger in that. Are you okay?” You plopped down next to him. “Is it… are you still fighting with your dad?”

Beomgyu controlled his breathing. His relationship with his father was actually getting better.

He had been impressed with the grades he was bringing home. Except this meant his dad didn’t agree with his love for music, wanting him to focus on getting into a top university. Why couldn’t two things be true at once? It wasn’t like Beomgyu’s studies were failing because of all the time he spent with the guitar. He was still the top of his class, and third in your year.

“No, I just have a lot on my mind.” He cleared his throat. “Thanks though.”

You swept his hair away from his forehead making Beomgyu shiver at how your soft touch tickled him.

“Yeonjun…” you started, and he winced at the name. “...told me he liked me.”

“Did he?” His voice squeezed out of his clenched throat. “Congratulations.”

Your hand dropped down to your lap, a flash of hurt momentarily on your face. It was quickly replaced with a smile that he thought he imagined it.

Did you come over to rub salt into his wound?

No. 

If only he could go back in time to scream at himself. You told him because you wanted him to get up and do something already. 

To be the one to ask you out instead. 

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Wednesday, July  30th, 2017 16 years old

Yeonjun was very popular with the class. Once the girls found out that he was no longer single, it was like the best thing on the lunch menu was taken away. Strangely, around the same time the news spread around, everyone had become nicer to Beomgyu.

He assumed it was only pity.

Beomgyu distanced himself (even more than he already had) out of respect for your relationship.

Maybe the separation between you two was needed. He was able to make new friends, others that shared his love for music. They would perform on stage in the auditorium after school, a spot people liked to loiter to do anything but go home. 

Kai scratched his head as he walked over to Beomgyu who was placing his electric guitar in its case. “A bunch of girls just jumped me to ask about you.”

“Did they?” Beomgyu grumbled, not interested in the slightest. He didn’t care unless they were you. 

“Ch’yeah. Next time, can you play in the front. I wanna test out a theory.”

“Theory?” he quirked his brow.

Kai nodded enthusiastically. “Whether our reputation will increase.”

Beomgyu slung his guitar bag over his shoulder. “It’s fine.”

Kai stepped in front of him to stop him from making an exit. He tapped his chin while pondering.

“Poor ___ kept craning her neck trying to get a sight of you. Think she was trying to get a good picture. You know, for the yearbook or something.’

He held onto his guitar strap tighter. Kai was probably just bluffing to get his way, but Beomgyu took it into consideration.

Despite hating the attention, he began to play in the center.

And Kai was right, their reputation increased. 

More and more people came to sit around to watch the band play, 

including you. 

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Saturday, August 4th, 2017 — 16 years old

Beomgyu leaned against the park’s tall, wired fence, watching the crowd walk over to the festival stage. It wasn’t a huge festival, but a small one for the town to celebrate the end of summer. 

The wind was picking up as the sun settled behind the clouds. It weaved through his hair, highlighted platinum as a true guitarist in a punk pop band would have it.

A figure was walking around the side of the stage, and it didn’t take him long to recognize Yeonjun. 

He couldn’t help but look behind him, wondering if it meant you were following closely behind.

You weren’t.

Yeonjun greeted him with a bottle of Milkis. After congratulating him, and making small talk about his band, he revealed that you two had taken a break.

“We’re meeting after to talk. I think I’m going to finally kiss her. Show her how much I’m really sorry.”

Yeonjun might as well have drenched him in gasoline and lit a match. 

He trembled on stage, trying to control his emotions. Of course, his wounded heart bled all over his guitar as it poured into his indecisive plucks and lazy slides. The only one that could understand his feelings through his playing would be you.

Were you out there listening? Could you tell that he was crying? Angry? That he wanted you? 

He ended up strumming too fast and hard, that his string snapped and fell forward, overworked. He cursed under his breath, turning his body to flash Soobin an exasperated look. Soobin flashed his eyes in annoyance, mouthing “what the hell are you doing?”

Regaining his composure, he adjusted his playing to make do without the string. 

As he climbed down the stage stairs, he slowed down to see you standing there waiting for him. 

The others threw him curious looks before stepping away to give the two of you privacy. 

“Hey!” You breathed, fiddling with your necklace as you eyed him.

He wore a black oversized sweater, underneath it was a white dress shirt, buttoned at the fourth button and down with a black tie loosely hanging. His black headband stayed around his neck like a choker. Both his hair and his eyes were wild, his eyes smeared with black eyeliner.

The responsibility of the band’s reputation was now all his. So he tried with his outfit, knowing that many would be seeing him first.

“Hi,” Beomgyu offered back. 

Your eyelids fluttered. “Um, I saw what happened. I thought it was pretty cool even though I knew it probably stressed you out.”

He shrugged.

You nodded, trying to keep the conversation going. 

Gosh, why was he being such an asshole?

“How have you been?”

“Could be better.” Beomgyu squinted as the wind blew harshly against his face as if scolding his behavior.

“Yeah,” you laughed nervously. “Same here.”

He shoved his hands into his sweater and looked around. “Have you met with Yeonjun already?”

“Yeonjun?” You frowned. “No, I- we broke up.”

“Well he’s going around saying it’s a break.” He shrugged his head to the side, poking his tongue against his cheek. 

“Isn’t it the same thing?” You lowered your voice.

“Very different things, angel.”

He didn’t miss how your cheeks blushed at the nickname. 

“A break means that you’re going to get back together eventually. Is that the plan?” He challenged, stepping closer. 

You raised your eyes to meet his. “I honestly don’t know.”

He looked toward the night sky, recalling what Yeonjun told him. “Well you don’t have much time to think about it. Said he’s going to kiss you tonight.”

“Hmm?” You tilted your head shocked, eyes suddenly unable to hold his stare. 

“You ready?” He whispered, taunting you. 

“T-to kiss him?”

“Mhm. Let me guess, first time?”

Your body twitched, face flushing deeper.

Beomgyu chuckled, soured at the thought that you were going to give your first kiss to Yeonjun.

“Actually, yeah… do you think you can help me?” 

His eyes darted back to you, who frowned at him, annoyed with his behavior.  

“You seem concerned, Gyu. Why don’t you help me?” you challenged back.

Beomgyu froze. 

Pulling on his tie, you yanked him down closer. His breath shook as it escaped past his lips and tickled yours.

You gave a gentle tug of his tie to ensure he wouldn’t move before moving your hand to hold his cheek. He felt it tremble as you tip-toed and placed your lips over his. 

They were pressed so tightly against his, his nose brushed against your cheek.

He inhaled deeply, a sound escaping him from the relief he felt. It encouraged you to sweep your lips between his before stealing kiss after kiss. 

Cutting the kisses short, you pulled away with a stuttering inhale. It went by too fast and Beomgyu wished he grabbed your waist a little tighter to prevent you from leaving him. 

“Thanks. Think I’m ready now!” You threw at him before rushing away. 

Beomgyu leaned against the stairs and cursed under his breath.

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Tuesday, May 13th, 2018 — 17 years old

Words no longer passed between the two of you. You lived in different worlds with vastly different friend groups. Beomgyu was beginning to lose a grip on his life. The fights with his father returned and kept growing. He was no longer hanging out with you, and started dating a girl, one who was into the things they warned you about growing up.

Yeonjun was the star athlete of the basketball team and remained extremely well-liked. He even encouraged you to join the cheer team.

Whenever you and Yeonjun would walk in the hallway, everyone stopped to stare. Meanwhile, Beomgyu would have to rip his eyes away from you to bury his head into his locker and prevent himself from throwing up.

Kai, Soobin, and him walked into the music room to rehearse. Weirdly, you all were out of tune— even the drums. Beomgyu looked closer at his guitar, a suspicious feeling that someone had come in and messed with their instruments. It wasn’t until Soobin groaned that one of his bass strings had broken that he felt validated in his suspicion. 

Beomgyu walked around looking for a trace. On his amp, a giant footprint marked the surface. “Someone came and messed with our instruments.”

“Who would even do that?” Kai adjusted his drum head.

Peering over at the garbage can, Beomgyu found a crushed can of milkis.

You were cheering for the basketball game when Beomgyu walked into the gymnasium, guitar in hand and a thin scratch across his cheek.

You wanted to desperately follow him, but Yeonjun whistled for your attention. Beomgyu ruffled his hand through his hair in frustration as he paced back and forth waiting for halftime to be called. 

Yeonjun walked over to him, wiping his sweat away with the bottom of his jersey. “What's up?”

“You did this?” Beomgyu raised his guitar.

“It was just a prank.” Yeonjun scoffed.

“Prank? When you’re the only one laughing? What’s wrong with you? What does the basketball team have against the band, my band?” Beomgyu shook his head in disbelief, voice increasing in volume. “The opposing team, I get. They play against you. The cheer team? Cute, you’re all dating them. My band? You were my friend.”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes. “Is this really because we moved some things that could easily-”

“You damaged some of our instruments!”

“- Because I think this is about something else. You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“Fucking suck my dick, Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun stepped closer. “You’re jealous that I’m dating ___.”

Beomgyu huffed through his nose. “Really? I don’t give a fuck about ____!”

Yeonjun raised his eyebrows and motioned beside Beomgyu. Beomgyu turned to find you standing closely. He stepped back, feeling like he was punched in the gut. 

Turning back to Yeonjun, he told him. “Just leave us alone.” 

Defeated, he walked past you.

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Monday, May 14th, 2018 — 17 years old

Beomgyu felt like scum on earth. He tried to apologize to you right away after his anger subsided.

He approached you while you sat down eating your lunch. He was met with five other pairs of angry eyes from the other girls on the cheer team. Gulping, he placed his hands on the table and leaned in closer to softly call your name for your attention.

You continued to eat your food, ignoring him.

Rightfully so.

He slid his hands away from the table, tapping his finger nervously against his jeans instead.

“I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it, I was just – well – I should shut up before I make excuses, right?”

He nodded and walked away.

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Friday, November 27th 2019 — 18 years old

Beomgyu’s life continued its downward spiral to hell. His father was relentless, but at least, this time he was old enough to retaliate.

Beomgyu stormed out of the house, the bent-out-of-shape storm door hitting the doorframe harshly. He locked eyes with your dad from over the fence.

He never really interacted with your father since he was a busy businessman frequently on trips. Beomgyu stared at him with a bruised cheek and busted lip, a small hint of a hurting boy who was pleading for someone to intervene.

Your dad looked at him in disapproval.

“If you would just listen to your dad.”

Beomgyu breathed in sharply, finding it hard to take in a full breath.

“What a disgrace.” He fixed his suit before getting in the black van waiting for him at the street.

He swallowed down his cough.

Deciding he was done feeling numb, he left to get his first tattoo. 

The tattoo artist, Yunjin, was friendlier than anyone in his life at the time.

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Thursday, January 1st, 2020 — 18 years old.

Beomgyu smoked his cigarette on the front porch. Your dad walked out of the house with the same scorn on his face whenever he laid eyes on him.

Beomgyu chuckled, maintaining eye contact until Yunjin stepped out of her uber in a short miniskirt and bralette. He welcomed her with open arms and took her straight to his room.

In seconds, his shirt was off and he was pushed to sit on the bed as she jumped onto him to plant kisses wherever her lips landed. As she trailed them down his neck, he looked outside of his window across to yours.

Your blinds were pulled up and he saw the light flicker on in your room. 

Yunjin made her way down to his waistband and he hovered his hand above her head, waiting for the moment her lips wrapped around the tip of his dick. Tilting his head back with a breathy chuckle, he guided her movements until he came right into her mouth. 

Pulling her up, he made out with her while his fingers slipped inside of her.

When they were finished, they sat on the bed, passing a joint.

Beomgyu looked back over to the window.

He found that your blinds were now closed.

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Tuesday, March 13th, 2020 — 19 years old

Beomgyu stumbled out of his house, slamming against the side of his car. The rain was coming down hard, but he didn’t seem to be mentally there to care. He rested his cheek against the cool surface of his car window, the chill helping the new bruises.

His dad threw out his duffel bag and it wasn't until Beomgyu saw his guitar slam into the guitar that he lost it.

Screaming at his father, he swore he was never going to return to the house again.

His dad responded by throwing him the car keys.

“Fucking leave, then! Don’t fucking have them fucking call me when you fucking crash!”

Beomgyu flared his eyes in disgust. Picking up his bag, he threw it into the back of the truck before climbing in and trying to start the failing engine.

“Come on, come on, you stupid piece of shit.” He punched the horn before resting his forehead on the steering wheel. 

It was his 19th birthday and his dad was kicking him out.

The world was spinning and he was leaving it.

He heard a car pull up next door, and a car door slam.

“Beomgyu?” You approached him.

He opened his eyes, turning his head slightly to see if he was dreaming or if you really were standing on your side of the driveway.

You looked just as rough as he did. Your hair was turning into waves from the rain, and your windbreaker hung loose in your frame.

Beomgyu didn’t want you to walk closer, to see him like this. But, you did.

“Where are you going?” You asked with concern.

Beomgyu kept his eyes on you. You noted how red they were but you couldn’t tell if it was from crying or smoking.

Beomgyu chuckled without humor. “Away.”

He turned the key once more and this time, the car roared to life. He reached out to close the door.

Your arm snapped to hold it open. “Not like that you aren’t!”

Beomgyu bounced his leg, feeling the urge to sprint instead. He really hated that you were seeing him like this.

He clenched his jaw before rolling his head your way. “Like what, angel?”

“You’re drunk.” Your voice shook with accusation.

Beomgyu hummed. “I’m drunk,” he repeated.

He gently swiped your arm in an attempt to close the door but you angrily stepped onto the footing of the truck. Beomgyu froze when you climbed onto his lap and turned the truck off. He was tempted to wrap his arms around you and feel safe for once. 

Twisting the key out, you slid back toward the ground.

He leaned back and stared at you.

“I’ve been kicked out of my house, ___. I have no other choice, but to leave.”

You raised your eyebrows. “He kicked you out on your birthday?”

Beomgyu was surprised that you remembered it was his birthday. 

He shrugged. “Nothing special about it.”

You frowned and looked back at your house. “Don’t leave. Stay with me.”

Beomgyu chuckled. “Angel, your father hates me as much as everyone else.”

“He’s leaving for work soon. He won’t know you’re there. Please.”

“Your mom?”

“She’s visiting my aunt.”

Beomgyu kept staring at you.

“Please, until you sober up?” You pleaded.

Beomgyu looked toward your house. Eventually, he nodded. “My car?”

“I’ll park it somewhere in the neighborhood.” You reassured him.

He hesitated a bit before giving in.

Beomgyu waited while you found a parking spot in the neighborhood for his car. He leaned against a tree near the street with his duffel bag until you came running back down the sidewalk.

You surprised him by taking his hand and pulling him over to where your bedroom window was.

“Stay here!” You pushed out as you caught your breath. 

He nodded obediently while you rushed toward the front of your house.

Beomgyu nervously glanced around. What if he looked like he was about to break into your house? What if the neighbors saw you sneak him in and told your father? This was sounding more and more like a bad idea.

Your window slammed open, making Beomgyu’s shoulders jump..

“Just me. Quick!” 

Beomgyu’s heart raced as he held onto the window frame and used his strength to lift himself in.

“Sorry, I’m all wet.” He scooted off your bed.

“Me too. It’s okay.” You placed his bag on your computer chair and showed him where your shoe rack was for his shoes.

As Beomgyu took off his jacket, he looked around your room. It didn’t look that much different than when he was last there. You just had more posters, a makeup table, a mirror, and fairy lights.

Beomgyu stared over the photos on your wall, feeling his heart drop when none of them were of you two anymore. Yeonjun and you were the new majority, and that was enough to sober him up. 

Yup, this is a bad idea.

With a large inhale, he turned back toward you, surprised to find you watching him. Your eyes trailed up his body and widened when he caught you.

“I… um… still have our photos.” You blushed.

Beomgyu chuckled. “It’s fine if you don’t.” 

You reached for his hand again, leading him back over to your bed. Beomgyu didn’t know why he kept letting you. Afterall, you two weren’t six anymore and you belonged to Yeonjun.

You opened up your nightstand wardrobe and pulled out a couple photos to show him. He took one in his hand. 

It was when you were younger and he had just gotten his guitar, a gift from one of the older neighborhood kids. He was learning how to play and was showing you his first song. You sat there, hands clasped together excitedly as you admired him. He could see it in your eyes how much you used to adore him back then.

A small smile tugged on his lips.

If only, If only, if only…

If only he had done something before Yeonjun came around.

He gently set the photo back down into the drawer, and closed it away forever.

Your dad called your name out. You stood up and walked over to the door. “Yeah?”

“I’m leaving now.”

“Okay, love you.”

You both stilled, holding your breath, until the front door closed.

Turning around, you leaned against the door, waiting until the sound of his ride drove off.

Beomgyu watched you carefully, unsure of what the plan was. Was he going to wait out the storm and then leave? He was feeling sober enough already and he didn't want things to get any more awkward between the two of you.

You frowned, catching something on him, walking over quickly, you lift the short sleeve more to see his tattoo. "Is this real?"

Beomgyu looked down at the small north star he had on his arm. "I don't know. It still hasn't come off in the shower."

You swatted his arm, understanding he was teasing you. Tracing over it, you asked, "Did it hurt?"

He laughed at the question. "Not more than what I've been through."

You didn't seem to find that funny, a flash of concern washed over your face. "Do you have more?"

Beomgyu watched you trace over the star, goosebumps appearing on his skin. "A couple more."

"Where?" You asked.

"Mmm back, just under my neck, inner thigh, lower abdomen..."

Your mouth parted in awe. "What are they of?"

"Stars," he responded, "All different kinds of stars."

"Can I see them?" You asked. "Can I see the stars?"

Beomgyu warmed. He'd learn to fly and take you to see the real ones if he could.

"Gunna have to take my clothes off. Is that okay?"

You nodded, stepping back to give him room. "You should anyway... since they're wet and... and I don't want you to get sick."

Well, he wouldn't want you to keep worrying about him.

Reaching for the back of his shirt, he slipped it off, his hair ruffling in the process.

As he fixed it, you stepped closer to gently turn him. Your touch was ice against his hot skin.

You traced over the stars sprinkled down his spine, and then back to the one in his arm. When your eyes swept down his abdomen, he knew you were searching for the other one he had mentioned. Still, it stirred something dangerous within him.

"Oh!" You gasped, hooking your finger onto his pants and pulling them down. Beomgyu almost leapt in the air.

"Careful." He wrapped his hand around your wrist to stop you from exposing him.

You bit down on your lip, reading the lettering appearing.

"Star..." you tug a little lower, as far as Beomgyu let you. "Seeker?"

He tried to control his breathing, but your fingers were dangerously close to a part of him that was harder to control.

Hearing his shaky exhale, you pulled your hand back. "Sorry."

He looked up at you and shook his head. "Don't be, angel."

You cooled your cheeks with the back of your hand. "I love it when you call me angel." you admit, voice lowering. "But I know you only say it to tease me...."

He tilted his head. "At first, I did... but..."

But then it meant something different to him, a dying man.

He felt a drop on his arm from the ends of your hair. He blinked in surprise. "You're too busy worrying about me being sick that I think you've forgotten about yourself."

Your face fell in disappointment.

"I'll be fine," you attempted to reassure him as he reached up to play with the ends of your hair.

He frowned at you, scolding you with your full name.

You rolled your eyes. "It's like you still see me as..."

He raised an eyebrow, curious for you to finish your sentence.

"Fine!" You slapped your hands onto his shoulders before taking a step back and grabbing the ends of your shirt.

Beomgyu was about to banter with you when you tugged your shirt over your head and tossed it toward the bed.

He clenched his jaw, eyes trailing over your black bra to your low waisted jeans.

Fuck.

"This too?" You asked him, unbuttoning your pants.

He said your name as a warning.

You stepped out of your jeans and reached behind your bra. "And this-"

Beomgyu reached over to stop you, causing you to tumble into his arms.

He groaned your name out. He actually made it out in his truck and crashed, right? Because this could never happen in reality.

You trailed your hands over his abdomen, and your breathing became shallower. He was getting lightheaded from holding in his breath, making the room start to spin.

Trailing your hands down to his pants, you undid his belt on his baggy jeans. He tilted his head back, his hands falling to your sides as he let you.

“Angel, what are you doing?” His eyes drooped, unable to control the blood rushing down to his dick.

You looked at him with lust-filled eyes. "I want to kiss you."

With a sharp inhale of desperation, he rushed to do so.

You met him halfway. He kissed you hard, until his lungs burned for air. When he paused for a breath, you kept kissing him, dragging his bottom lip to pull him back in. He picked up your lips again, tilting your head back so he could swipe his tongue into your mouth. 

You panted into his, the two of you sharing the air to survive until you pulled away for a deeper one.

Looking down, you tugged on his pants and boxers, in a rush. Beomgyu helped by lifting his hips, relieved wheb his dick was free from restriction.

You glided your hand over his length, moaning to let him know you were just as turned on as he was.

He was drunk on your touch already, looking up at you with want and desire. You fell down for a kiss, tugging him to follow you as you got on the bed and guided him over you. Beomgyu followed you in his trance.

His lips were swollen as you nipped them teasingly between your kisses. He didn't know when you tugged down your panties, but all he felt was you spread your legs as he situated himself between you.

“Will it hurt?” you whispered with trembling lips.

He freezes. “Is this…”

You nod but pull him in to distract him with your lips again.

“Are you sure?” Beomgyu pulled back to check.

Your thumb brushed against his cheek. “I’m sure, Gyu.”

“What about…?” 

You shut him up with your kiss.

‘We broke up. I thought it was obvious?”

He panted, eyes stuck on your lips, your kisses becoming his new addiction.

“Please Beomgyu, just please.” You murmured, more tempting than a siren could sing.

It was never going to take a lot to convince Beomgyu.

His fingers brushed over your skin as he ran them everywhere he could reach. Your skin felt like pearls against the end of his fingers, and he wanted to keep feeling you over and over. You were receptive to his touch, opening yourself up more so he could make sure that there wasn’t an area left untouched. There wasn’t going to be, not when he didn’t know when he would ever have a chance to again.

Eventually, his fingers weren’t enough and he had to have his lips on you. Bending down he placed a kiss on your abdomen, satisfied when you tensed. He trailed more kisses as he went lower and lower, your breathing was growing sharper and sharper.

When he brushed his lips between your folds, you folded your leg in to grant him more access to you. 

Beomgyu had enough of holding himself back and swiped his tongue against you for a taste, a loud groan leaving him. You tasted both bitter and sweet, a taste he would never forget but will forever crave. 

He traveled his tongue further, rolling his eyes back as he ate you until you were crying with pleasure. His mouth became coated with how wet you were becoming and the saliva that overflowed his mouth. 

It was for the best that no one was home, because you were gasping with no control. The way you cried for him sent a shiver down his spine. 

Pulling back, he swiped his tongue across his lips and looked at the state you were in. Your hair was fanned out with a few strands across your forehead from rolling your head from side to side. The blush over your cheeks and eyelids were prettier than any shade of makeup would be. 

You caught your breath, your hand slipping away from your mouth before meeting his eyes with a smile. 

He crawled over you, his fingers tracing between your folds, your head tilted back. Beomgyu whispered about how beautiful you were before kissing your neck as his fingers worked inside of you. It was even better having you moan right into his ears, your breathy voice making him dizzy. Beomgyu groaned.

Feeling himself ache, he positioned himself at your entrance before pushing in. He was trying his best to not thrust into you and fuck you without control. It was easier when he could hear your whines of pain while adjusting to his size. 

“Sorry, angel.” Beomgyu breathed, pulling you closer into him as he massaged the back of your head. You wrapped your arms around his neck and shook your head. “K-keep going.”

He rocked his hips gently into your warmth, his eyes rolling back when he suddenly slipped in further, feeling the smoothness and heat of you all around him. He was going to cum right inside. 

“Oh, fuck.” He panted, smiling from the ecstasy of it all. 

You bit your lip and held him tightly, laughing with him. 

Your laughter turned into moans as Beomgyu rocked into you. He laid you back down on the bed carefully sinking into bliss further. 

Lips parted open and lids heavy, he increased his thrusts as he fell in love with you more. 

He wanted you, needed you, had you. 

Thrusting harder, he lost control. You dragged your fingernails down his back as he folded your leg in and pounded faster.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” You grasped at his back like you were desperate for something to hang onto. He sucked on your neck hard enough to leave a mark, then two more. 

You gasped for air. 

Right before you climaxed, you gripped his face in your hands. “Do you love me?”

Beomgyu lazily moaned out what he could. “Fucking much.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, sticking to your eyelashes with every blink. 

“I love you, Beomgyu. I love you.”

He unraveled. 

.

.

Wednesday, March 14th, 2020 — 19 years old

The next morning, Beomgyu stared at your face as you snuggled into his arms. The warmth was leaving the room as the cold from the morning was creeping through the cracks of your window.

He still hadn't slept. Too busy in his thoughts and watching over you.

He gently stroked your cheek, the small upturn of the corner of your lips warming his heart.

Your phone went off and as Beomgyu sat up to check what it was, he saw Yeonjun’s name flash across the screen.

His stomach twisted.

He knew he shouldn’t have, but he checked the message anyway. If he didn't, he was going to feel sick until you woke up to explain.

Yeonjun: Did you run to him? Did you toss away what we had just like that?

Beomgyu set the phone down, a gust of a breath leaving him.

Was that what came over you?

It was a hard pill to swallow for him. It was merely his lack of confidence talking. Yet, he felt the urge to run before you could explain it to him.

What if the truth destroyed him? What if he lost his temper like his dad? What if he lost himself more than he already has?

Before he completely left the door, he decided to write his phone number on a piece of paper and place it in the drawer that contained the hidden pictures of you two.

He was an idiot for still having hope.

Grabbing his car keys, he walked out.

It would be up to you now if you kept him in the drawer.

.

,

,

Thursday, March 15th, 2020 — 19 years old

Beomgyu hung out at the guitar shop Kai managed, playing through some of the guitars he could only dream of affording. 

Kai sat at the computer at the front, silent in concentration while he updated the inventory.

Startling them both, Beomgyu’s phone rang in his jacket pocket. He fished it out, struggling with the inside lining of his pocket. 

Kai laughed. “Put the guitar down, Gyu.”

Beomgyu stuck his tongue out at him as he set it down to hold his phone out in front of him, his elbows resting on his knees.

He didn’t recognize the number calling and wondered if it was you. His thumb brushed his phone screen as he hesitated on answering. 

“Hello?” He greeted before he missed the call.

“Beomgyu?” Your voice came through on the other end.

He released the breath he kept in. You found his number. “__?”

“Why did you leave?” You asked, a hint of annoyance in your tone.

His heart fluttered at the thought that you cared. “Your dad was going to come home. Didn’t want to be buried six feet under in your backyard.” 

He was half serious, but you ended up laughing at the other end, making him smile.

“Don’t worry, I would’ve dug you back up quickly.”

There was something different with your voice that caused the butterflies in his abdomen to flutter like crazy.

“Anyway, I have something to tell you. Kind of a secret I’ve been keeping from you.”

“What is it, angel?” He reached over to strum a string on the guitar, fearing it was a confession regarding Yeonjun afterall.

You took a deep breath as if you were about to say it, but then giggled nervously. “I’m scared,” you whispered. 

He leaned back, eyeing Kai who was giving him a questioning look. He mouthed your name to confirm who Beomgyu was speaking to. Beomgyu nodded in return.

“You’re scared?" He repeated in disbelief.

You take another deep breath. “I… really do like you, Beomgyu. I meant everything I said when we…you know.”

Beomgyu got up from his seat, his heart threatening to leap out of his chest.

“You do?” He couldn’t control how big his smile got.

“Yes! Do you … do you like me too?” You laugh feeling ridiculous with how you were sounding like two teenagers discovering their crush for the first time. And maybe because this was a conversation that was long overdue.

“More than you think.” He revealed. He told you everything last night, just not in words.

Kai mimicked his flirtatious tone. Beomgyu flipped him off, but kept the grin plastered on his face.

“Good. Then, can we see each other this weekend?”

Beomgyu leaned his head against the door as he looked out. There was still snow piled up on the ground. “I’ll plan everything, angel. Pick you up at 4?”

“Please.”

.

.

.

Saturday, March 17th, 2020 — 19 years old

The doctor checked his eyes with the ophthalmoscope as he held up his fingers for Beomgyu to follow. Annoyed, Beoomgyu did so.

He had just gotten into a small car accident. The car in front of him lost control when their tires went over black ice, causing them to hit the stiff ice plowed over to the side of the street and spin toward the front of his truck. Beomgyu’s headlights were busted and the airbags went off, but he wasn’t injured. Not badly.

He texted you that he was going to be late in picking you up. He didn’t disclose that he was in an accident because he knew that it would worry you. 

After three hours, he was able to leave the hospital with a wrist brace. When he was able to check his phone, he saw that you hadn’t responded to any of his texts. 

An unsettling feeling creeped over him. What if you thought he was bailing? What if something bad happened to you?

He raced over to your house as soon as he was able to get a car rental. As he approached your house, he noticed a black corvette in your driveway. Yeonjun.

He got out of his car and leaned against it, the adrenaline running through him was making him sick. Like a coward, he didn’t step any closer. 

He attempted to reach you once more, but got your voicemail.

His heart was officially in his stomach now. 

If he walked in there and you revealed that you had chosen Yeonjun over him, he would not be able to get past the smirk Yeonjun would throw his way.

“Oh, you were just a rebound.” 

Pathetic.

And stupid. How could Beomgyu think things could work out between the two of you? Yeonjun and you have gone out for years now. Everything you said during sex was just sex talk to turn each other on.

He sat in his car and waited for a few more minutes. When you didn’t text back, he bit the inside of his cheek and sped away.

He sent you one last text before driving toward the city.

Beomgyu: I’m sorry.

You never responded.

.

.

.

Tuesday, July 17th, 2021 — 20 years old

Unable to sleep as usual, Beomgyu rolled out of bed. After throwing on a hoodie and fixing his hair under a ballcap, he grabbed his guitar and stepped out of the apartment he shared with Soobin to find somewhere to play downtown. 

Despite it being nearly 3 a.m., it was loud and crowded, shrill laughter hitting his ears. The streets filled with people going in and out of clubs or bars, people busking, or groups scarfing down shared take-out. His mouth watered when the warm air of cinnamon sugar wrapped around him. 

Soobin was out with Taehyun. Shortly after he left, he told you that Yeonjun was over as well. They had met at the same university and became close. Soobin also shared that Yeonjun and you were together. 

Beomgyu always had a hunch that you two got together that night, but now he knew for certain.

Finding a spot between two buildings facing the larger digital billboards, he plugged his guitar into his amp and checked the tuning. When his fingers strummed along the strings, he relaxed. The only time that he could feel normal was when he was playing his music. Every other time, it was like he was going through some kind of drug withdrawal.

He covered a few well known songs to get comfortable and draw a crowd in. At some point, two best friends had started to dance in the space in front of him, drunk and happy. Beomgyu smiled, changing the song to something he wrote himself. 

Smoking on the side of the building, he stared at the stragglers roaming the streets. In about an hour, the sun would begin to rise. 

His mind drifted back to thinking about you. From the way you looked at him, the way you felt in his arms, to the way your voice grew soft when you told him you loved him. Damn, he had you and let you go so easily. But he understood it was for the best. He wanted to feel like a choice and not a rebound. 

He packed up to leave, zipping up his guitar in its case.

“Beom…gyu?”

His head lifted, not recognizing the girl standing in front of him. He had trouble seeing her with the lights from the digital ad swallowing her whole. But he wasn’t familiar with any petite girl with shoulder length jet-black hair. 

Maybe he’s smoking so much he’s starting to forget who he’s meeting with.

“Oh,” she tapped her red kitten heels against the cobblestone. “Sorry! I really enjoy when you come out to play here. Mind if we get a picture?”

Beomgyu blinked slowly. “Uh, yeah, sure.”

She gave a little jump of glee before going into her crossbody purse to take out her phone for a picture. He was thankful with her waiting until he appeared perfectly in position to secure a photo.

“Thank you! I’ll send them to you too. Number?”

Beomgyu bit his lip, unsure if he should give it to her. 

She batted her eyelashes and covered her mouth. “Are you not able to give it out? Are you secretly debuting?”

The laughter escaped him. Him? Debuting? That was hilarious. 

Gently taking the phone from her hand, he placed his phone number in her contacts. She waited patiently, gazing at his face the entire time. 

“There. Text me anytime.”

She bit her lip and nodded before turning with a wave. As she walked away, she couldn’t help but glance over at him from her shoulder. 

He chuckled and gave her a small wave in return.

Soobin later convinced him to go out with her.

Not knowing that she was connected to you.

.

.

.

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2021 —  20 years old

Her name was Chaewon. She came to every one of his performances, and stayed until the very last minute even if it meant sleeping while leaning over his guitar case. 

Beomgyu became happier with her around.

He cut his hair neater, started eating better, and taking care of physique. The color was returning to his cheek and eyes, making it less scary to look in the mirror. 

His music was also reaching more people, proven through his increase in social media followers.

Like a bad habit, he wondered if any of them were you.

He knew he shouldn’t, but he’d check on you from time to time. You posted a lot about the places you would visit in your small, college town. None of the recent posts had you and Yeonjun together, making him wonder if you were still together. 

Your post today was of you pretending to snooze away at the doorstep of a music shop with the caption No good music lately. Any recommendations? 

For you, he’d write a million songs. Enough for you to never run out of anything new. 

A message floated in from Chaewon, making him brush away all his thoughts of you.

Chae: Come with me to a gathering with my friends on the 8th? :-)

.

.

.

Tuesday, October 8th, 2021 — 20 years old

Beomgyu twisted the tips of his hair between his fingers as he sat at the bar with Chaewon and her friends that showed up early. He tried to be present but he had a bad habit retreating into his mind whenever he was out of his comfort zone. 

Chaewon praised Beomgyu, telling her friends about how he had several love calls from recruiters. Some were even from big name companies, but Beomgyu was taking the time to decide which one he would be going with.

He chuckled at how animated she was, Chaewon accidentally sending the chapstick in her hand flying. 

He caught it with one hand before it went too far.

“My hero.” She giggled, leaning in for a quick kiss. Happily, he closed his eyes and kept her in the kiss playfully.

Someone watching cleared their throat. 

He turned, shocked to find Yeonjun standing in front of him.

Right next to him was you.

Chaewon immediately sprung from her chair, squealing your name with her arms high above her. Beomgyu had trouble understanding how the two of you knew each other. 

She wrapped you in a tight hug. Much like his reaction, you were stunned at finding Beomgyu there with Chaewon.

“Glad you guys could make it! Are the streets still flooded from the rain? Oh, by the way, I need to introduce you to my boyfriend, Beomgyu.” She whirled over to stand by his side.

Beomgyu stood up slowly, hands in his pockets.

“We already know him.” Yeonjun told Chaewon before his eyes met Beomgyu’s. He stretched out his hand. “It’s good to see you again.”

Beomgyu knew there was more to this handshake if he returned it. It meant putting away everything from the past and moving on.

Chaewon nudged him with a confused look. It made him move on his own and return the handshake. 

He tried not to look at you before responding with a quick, “Good to see you both, too.”

He didn’t miss how you tucked yourself behind Yeonjun.

With everyone having arrived, Chaewon asked to move over to a private corner with a table and ordered a couple of bottles of Soju. The girls all caught up with one another, mainly talking about how hard the courses they were taking were or how expensive clothes, makeup, and purses were getting. 

Beomgyu occupied himself with an order of nachos, knowing nothing about what college was like or the cost of makeup. He could tell by Yeonjun’s glances that he wanted to talk to him, considering they were the only guys there. 

But every time he would open his mouth, Beomgyu would crunch loudly on the chip before sending Kai another random emoji to seem occupied with his phone. Kai ended up responding with Why are you spamming me??

Chaewon tapped the table for Yeonjun’s attention, moving her finger between him and you. “So what’s the reason?”

Yeonjun sat up straighter, missing the context. He looked at you for help. 

“You guys have been dating for a really long time, haven’t you?” Chaewon asked.

“Four years.’ Yeonjun smiled, taking your hand underneath the table.

Four years, plus a couple of breaks in between.

You nodded, eyes accidentally connecting with Beomgyu’s. He felt his lungs struggling to take a breath in. Sitting back, he attempted to soften his gaze.

“So,” Chaewon clasped her hands together. “When’s the wedding?”

The other girls whined in agreement. 

“Marry her, Yeonjun!”

“I would be the perfect maid of honor!”

Yeonjun laughed, stopping once before letting out more. “Appreciate the support. We’ll get there, you know, when her father won’t want to kill me.”

Chaewon huffed in annoyance. “Fair.”

Beomgyu looked off to the side at the bartender making drinks. One would hurt him, so he didn’t budge. 

“What about you two? We didn’t know you were dating someone, Chae. How did you two meet?” Yeonjun leaned in closer, trying to engage Beomgyu in conversation. 

To Beomgyu’s rescue, Chaewon happily told you both about how she would always pass by the street he was playing as she visited her older sister’s house. Beomgyu’s eyebrows raised because he was learning she had a sister for the first time.

She smiled his way. “And we’ve been together ever since. Almost a few months in and come to think of it, I don’t know anything about your parents.”

He swallowed hard, reaching for the glass of water on the table for comfort. “They died when I turned 19.”

You looked down at your lap, knowing the truth. Seeing that, Beomgyu felt the emotions creeping up his throat. 

“I’m… going to step out for a second.” He pushed himself up and headed for the exit in time, his vision fogging up. Chaewon attempted to follow him, but he reassured her that he would be right back.

The rainstorm had calmed down, but the petrichor remained. 

Beomgyu leaned his head back against the building and counted everything around him — the trees, the birds in the sky, the cars that passed by, the number of times the streetlight flickered.

As long as he was counting, he wasn’t retreating to the dark space in his mind where he was 19 again and his life was falling apart. It was hard with you and Yeonjun around. 

When Beomgyu returned inside, he noticed how you sat with a small frown on your face as you stared at Chaewon. Hearing him step closer, you fixed your face. 

Chaewon swayed while holding a shot glass up toward him. 

He put his hand between him and the glass. “I don’t drink.”

“Come on!” Chaewon giggled, pushing it around his hand every time he tried to block it. It was worse fighting her when he fully sat down. 

Not wanting to cause a scene, he accepted it.

“He said he doesn't drink.” You spoke up before his lips touched the glass. 

Everyone looked at you, including him.

Chaewon sat down and pouted, taking it from his fingers. He felt relief immediately. 

“Fine. You don’t have to drink it.”

To ease the tension, Beomgyu chuckled at Chaewon.

“You guys are really cute together.” Yeonjun complimented, taking a shot of his own. 

“Right?” he asked you.

You nod once and take a sip of your drink.

Chaewon placed her face into her palm and grinned. “Don’t we? I’m the luckiest girl in the world.”

As everyone headed out, Beomgyu felt a gentle tug on his sleeve. He was surprised to find it was you and not Chaewon.

“Hey,” you breathed nervously. “H-how have you been?”

He scanned the room for Yeonjun, seeing that he was most likely in the bathroom. Would you have spoken to him otherwise?

“Good.” 

“Yeah? I can tell. You seem happier.” Your blush couldn’t cover up the real one appearing on your cheeks.

“So do you.” Beomgyu returned to wrapping his scarf around his throat, cutting the conversation dry.

You hugged your arms, remaining in place as if deciding whether to continue trying or to leave. Choosing the latter, you turned.

“Four years, huh?” Beomgyu let slip, wanting to kick himself immediately. It was like he had no control of himself anymore and was watching from the outside.

You searched for something in his eyes. “I- We – “

Beomgyu laughed without humor, fingers twitching inside his coat pocket.

“We weren’t together w-when-“

Beomgyu grimaced, looking toward where Chaewon was saying goodbye to her other friends. Yeonjun stepped out of the bathroom and immediately caught you both.

“Does he know?” Beomgyu asks you. 

“No,” you shrunk into yourself.

“It’s for the best, right? A mistake like that won’t happen again, anyway.”

Before Yeonjun made it over, Beomgyu fished out his car keys and pushed himself out of the bar. 

Unfortunately, he still had to wait in his car for Chaewon.

As Yeonjun and you stepped out, Yeonjun waved his hand up toward him. You must’ve told him the conversation between the two of you was merely nothing. 

Beomgyu pursed his lips in a smile, and waved his fingers up from the steering wheel.

As if they were the friends they used to be.

.

.

.

Saturday, December 25th, 2021— 20 years old

It took a while before Beomgyu had the heart to let go of his grudge against you two.

One night, he had gotten drunk off a wine that was sent over from a recruiter. He thought he could celebrate with one glass. One glass turned into another, and eventually he finished the entire bottle.

The next day, during his hangover, he decided to read through the messages on his music page while piled under two blankets.

He had to blink several times when a comment came from you.

Good luck, Gyu. I've had this song on repeat all day. Wishing you all the best!

After following you back, he discovered that you had been commenting on his posts for a while. It softened his heart, and he knew that you didn't deserve to be treated so poorly from him.

So, he invited you and Yeonjun to his showcase.

Beomgyu had just finished talking to the manager who wanted to recruit him when he saw the two of you standing toward the back of the venue.

Yeonjun laughed when he made it over after a few long minutes of being interrupted for photos. “Congratulations, man.”

“Thanks.” Beomgyu’s eyes fell to the flowers that you held in your hands. His eyes softened. “Are these for me?”

You smiled with relief and held the arrangement out, proudly. “Congratulations, Gyu! It was packed in here.”

Accepting the flowers, his fingers lightly brushed against yours. He tried not to think much of it. “Thank you guys for being here. I know it sucked driving in all the snow.”

You shook your head, but before you could say anything else, Yeonjun interrupted.

“Where’s Chaewon?” he looked around.

Beomgyu tensed, picking at the flowers. “We broke up.” 

He had to bite back his tongue to prevent himself from admitting that he broke up with people as soon as he was certain he didn’t like them anymore. Unlike some people who couldn't make up their mind.

“Shame, the two of you looked good together.” Yeonjun patted his shoulder.

Beomgyu couldn’t help but look your way. “I'll be okay.”

Beomgyu invited you both back to the artist lounge. As you all caught up, he could see with time how Yeonjun eased up.

It soon felt just like how it felt years ago.

Maybe this was how things were supposed to be.

You with yeonjun.

And him, alone.

.

.

.

Saturday, February 19th, 2022 — 20 years old

Beomgyu’s career was building up fast. Once he signed with an official manager, he was in the studio producing music and preparing for a small tour. 

After months of working hard, he was rewarded with a two-week break. He decided the perfect way to catch up with everyone and celebrate was to rent a small venue for a listening party.

Beomgyu and you had gotten to a place where you two were comfortable interacting. His jealousy dissipated and the ache was nothing more than a tiny soft pinch to his heart. When you and Yeonjun arrived, he happened to catch Yeonjun going in for a kiss. Beomgyu was bold enough to raise his eyebrows at you teasingly.

You lowered your eyes, shyly.

Feeling like his jaw was going to give out after talking with so many people, he stepped out. 

He was surprised to find that everyone had written cute notes on stars and sprinkled them all over the table outside the hall.

He picked one up to read, it was from Kai who wrote a novel about how he always knew that Beomgyu would become famous. He also added that he should be given a special thanks for pushing him to be front and center whenever their band performed. 

Beomgyu bit back a laugh, catching his soft expression in the mirror in front of him. It was strange seeing him so happy, even stranger not to see a bruise or scab in sight.

You stepped out of the hall, eyes searching until they landed on him.

He turned to face you and raised his eyebrows. It surprised him to see that Yeonjun wasn’t right behind you.

You greeted him out of breath.

He greeted you back, his eyes never leaving you as you stepped closer. 

The two of you went down for a walk on the beach. He plopped himself down in the sand where there weren’t any rocks, and then he reached up to tug you down beside him.

You sat close to him, despite there being never-ending room on the sand. 

As you both watched the waves under the night sky, he wanted nothing more than to reach over and hold your hand. Before he acted on his intrusive thoughts, he held his own hands together while hugging his knees. 

“So a tour, huh?” You drew flowers into the sand.

Beomgyu smiled and nodded his head. “It’s nothing. Just a small tour, so I’ll be playing mainly local venues.”

“Oh yeah? And how many people are going to be at these small venues?” You teased him, continuing to add to your sand garden.

“10,000.” He covered his face with his shirt as you bumped your shoulder into his.

“I’m jealous.”

“You’re jealous?”

You pouted. “Of everyone that gets to see you play night after night. I always loved when you played guitar. I used to open my window when we weren’t friends and I’d listen.”

“We were always friends.”

“Sureeee.” You laughed, falling into a comfortable silence. Beomgyu reached over and added a sun over your garden.

“Whenever you want, call me. I’ll save a special seat for you.”

You nodded, continuing to draw. He couldn’t see you as your hair acted as a curtain between you two. He thought you were busy with playing with the sand, but after a few more beats of silence, he grew concerned. 

He ducked his head to check on you, but you kept turning away from him, finally covering your face with your hands. His heart flipped in the worst way. 

He removed your hands from your face, gently. 

Tears were streaming down your cheeks.

He froze.

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, laughing it off. “Nothing. I don’t know why I’m crying.”

He didn’t buy your attempt to brush it off. Pulling his sleeve over his hand, he wiped away your tears with a frown. 

“Please,” Beomgyu cupped your face. “Please, tell me.”

You crumbled into him. Beomgyu hugged you tightly. He was sure you could hear his racing heart as his mind jumped to all sorts of conclusions.

“I don’t know why the thought of you leaving again scares me so much.” You mumbled into his chest.

No Fair. 

No Fair. 

No Fair.

He felt the ache return to his heart as he hugged you tighter.  

Why couldn’t he keep you and be the one to protect you forever? 

He should’ve asked you to come with him on the tour. Instead, he comforted you, knowing that when you returned to the venue, 

Yeonjun would be waiting for you.

.

.

.

.

Sunday, March 6th, 2022 —  21 years old

The day before Beomgyu left for his tour, Yeonjun met him on the rooftop of his apartment.

Beomgyu smoked while Yeonjun rambled on with excitement about Beomgyu going on tour and playing his music for crowds over thousands. It surprised Beogmyu with how much Yeonjun actually listened to and knew about his album. Of course, Yeonjun was more impressed with the production, and didn’t pay much attention to his lyrics. All for the best.

Beomgyu held the bong in his hand, holding the lighter to the bowl. His mouth became dry in anticipation, but when he was able to inhale, he became much steadier. Tilting his head back, he exhaled. 

“Can I ask you something?” Yeonjun poured some soju into his glass.

“You just did.” Beomgyu lazily replied.

Yeonjun chose to ignore him. “Did you and __ ever, I dunno, have something going on?”

Beomgyu set the bong on the floor next to him as he leaned back on his hands. “What do you mean?”

Yeonjun gulped down the glass, needing a lot of courage to ask the first time and leaving none to explain further. “When we broke up, was she running between you and me?”

“Thought you dated for like 5 years?” Beomgyu snorted, fixing the hood of his sweater over his head.

“Asshole, answer the question. You’re making me nervous.” Yeonjun sniffed, nose runny from all the smoke around him.

Beomgyu closed his eyes, recalling the shower and proposed date. What would be the purpose of telling him other than to hurt his feelings?

“Beomgyu?” Yeonjun asked with urgency.

“Thinking,” he murmured.

“Fuck.”

“I’m messing with you.”

“No, I probably deserved it. Forget it, you don’t have to tell me. I don’t blame you guys. You two were friends for a long time. I remember you had a crush on her when we were younger too.”

Beomgyu grew annoyed. Glad, he never forgot that.

“Wanna know the truth. Would that shut you up?”

Yeonjun pressed his lips together, waiting for him to continue.

Beomgyu sat up and rested his hands on his lap. “We kissed once. You had broken up with her and she was devastated.”

Yeonjun looked away, keeping his composure. “And then?”

Beomgyu rolled his eyes. “And then I apologized for taking advantage of her and she never texted me back. She realized her mistake and went back to you.” His voice drifted and he didn’t know if he was saying it to make Yeonjun feel better or if it was beginning to sink in that that’s what actually happened. 

“When.” 

Beomgyu shook his head, eyes looking over the other rooftops. “I don’t know. Years ago.”

Yeonjun released the tightness of his knuckles, and remained silent for a moment. “Sorry, I’m just insecure. She – when she talks about you, it’s just different. I can tell she really loves you. I have to remind myself that you guys were friends for a long time before me. I’m seriously sorry, but I know I can trust you.”

How is it fair that he should be able to trust him, but Beomgyu could never trust him back?

Yeonjun let out a satisfied sigh.

“I’m going to ask her to marry me soon.”

Beomgyu’s heart iced over. 

He realized Yeonjun was watching him for a reaction or a response. 

Yeonjun tilted his head at him. 

“Do you think she’ll say yes?”

He hummed back as if he didn’t have a care in the world. 

The truth was, he still did.

Part two coming soon.

When you stand up, you meet eyes with the NICU nurses hovering over you as if for any second you were going to snatch the baby and run off.

“He may be discharged,” you confirm with a quiver in your chuckle.

With a little extra skip in your step, you make your way out of the NICU to change and try to catch your best friend, Ari, at the tail end of her lunch. Luckily, Ari worked with you as one of the NICU nurses. If you two weren’t gabbing together at lunch, you two were doing it in the nursery, corridors, supply rooms, and parking lot. You owe her the moon and stars for lifting you up on your worst days. Without her, you wouldn’t have been able to celebrate your one-year anniversary as a neonatologist (last week!).

During your first week at the hospital, one baby was getting progressively worse. It led to you having a tough conversation with her parents about considering comfort care. The parents had screamed at you for not trying hard enough and threatening to sue you for malpractice, assuming it was because they were uninsured. You didn’t take it personally, understanding that your hurt feelings were an anthill compared to the mountain of fear and desperation the parents had in their hearts as you delivered the news.

 And then she asked if you were a mother. Before you answered, she shook her head and stared at you with cold eyes. “Of course not. How can you be when you thought for one second that I’d rather have her dead?! I hope you never have a child!”

You won’t. For years,you and your boyfriend have tried. You were successful once. After three positive pregnancy tests, you went to the doctor, trembling with anticipation. You left with a shattered heart after discovering the sac was empty. It was later reabsorbed just as the doctor said it would be. Was it the vitamins you were taking? The exercises you were doing? The body and skincare you were using? Although your boyfriend didn’t blame you, you knew that deep down he felt that you were the problem as well. You’ve tried to bury that guilt, but when the lady hit you with the realization that you never were going to be a mother, all the emotions came pouring out.

Ari had found you typing your resignation on your phone, sobbing so hard you could barely make out what you were writing. Somehow, she was able to break apart the clouds of misery over your head, calming you down enough so she could remind you that crying this hard is what would make you a great neonatologist.

“It’s proof you care so much. Besides, half the doctors and nurses here don’t have a baby yet. You aren’t alone.”

“Yeah, but… I don’t think I’ll ever have a baby.” Your vision became blurry again and your throat got tighter. You confided in Ari about your infertility, and she surprised you when she grabbed your hands firmly to chant, “You’ll have one! You’ll have plenty! Because each baby that you love and care for will also be yours!”

Her words felt like medicine for your aching heart. She made a beautiful point. These babies were also yours. You felt the responsibility and concern for their life just as their mothers did. After all, a baby could never receive too much love. Your friend on the other hand…

You stare at your friend from across the café table, full of admiration and gratitude.

“You’re doing it again.” She laughs while scraping her fork against the bottom of her container.

“What?” you cover your mouth to prevent your food from spilling out.

“Thinking about how I stopped you from quitting again?” She shakes her head with endearment. “You’ve already paid for my lunch like 5 times, let me live with you for a month, and gifted me the heels I wanted.”

“It still doesn’t feel like enough. I need to take you to the moon and stars.”

While stuffing your mouth with more beef, you happily update Ari that you were able to discharge Baby Lee, gushing about how cute he is. You hope that in a few months, his photo update will be on the photo wall outside the nursery.

“I wanted to hold him, but Lia probably would’ve chopped my arms off and then hit me with them.”

Ari snorts as she picks the hard sugar pearls off her cupcake before going in for another bite. “You know we don’t play when it comes to the babies.”

“I hold the babies less than I thought I was going to.”

You sigh playfully, but Ari was able to spot the lingering sadness in your eyes.

“Are you guys still trying?” Ari tilts her head, asking softly.

You shake your head slowly. “I mean, I think we’ve given up on the idea. Even though we haven’t said it out loud.”

“Have… you ever considered doing IVF?” Ari continues to make sure her voice is soft, just as she always did when discussing the subject.

She mainly asked out of curiosity. She knew you were intelligent enough to have considered all your options. If you hadn’t done it by now, it meant you had a reason.

You sit back on your chair, crossing your arms over your body protectively. “Kind… I mean of course I’ve thought about it. But… I guess I’m just scared. Getting my hopes up and failing over and over? Not to mention the chance of miscarrying? Having the baby and then losing it… Hell, I don’t know if my heart can take it.”

If you knew it would work, it would be a different story...

“I-I’ll adopt eventually. I just need to grieve over missing the experience of carrying a baby first.”

Ari nods slowly and gives you a small smile. “Yeah… well, I know that you’ll become a mother one way or another. I was asking because I just heard some amazing news about our new OBGYN. He has extra training in endocrinology. Nurses have been chit-chatting about his high success rate.  Makes sense on why the director wanted him transferred over here.”

You spin your water bottle between your fingers as you listen, your eyebrows drawing up at the mention of a new doctor.

“Apparently, Nora had an appointment with him, and she wouldn’t stop going on about how gentle and understanding he was. Well, after a 30-minute ramble about how hot he is first. I don’t know, I feel like if it’s true then someone as gentle as him could be good for you?”

Before you could stop it, the corner of your lip twitches up into a smirk. “He’s hot?”

Ari’s eye twinkles as she leans in from across the table, switching into gossip mode. “Multiple sources - Chae, Saki, and Jina - have been hit with the Dr. Choi Fever. They’re driving Soobin crazy. They refer to him as Dr. Choi with the sexy doe eyes, Dr. Choi with the long legs and nice ass, Dr. Choi with a soft voice and Daegu accent that rumbles straight to - well, you can guess. Think that’s what’s really getting people pregnant?”

With a giggle, you lean back on your chair.

“Hell, maybe I should go see him.” You chew on your fingernail as you try to envision what he could look like. It’s been a while since rumors of a hot doctor went around.

“Mhm.” Ari leans back, swiping your water from your hands to take a giant sip. With a smirk, she asks, “How’s your boyfriend, ___?”

You purse your lips to hide your smile. “You ass.”

Both of you erupt into a fit of giggles that only best friends could.

It’s been an hour since you’ve fallen into your bed alone, scrolling between your apps. You didn’t tell Ari, but the truth was that you and your boyfriend, Jaeil, weren’t doing well. She wouldn’t be surprised, though. She was used to your on and off relationship, and even though she still gave you 100% of her attention and comfort, you didn’t want to abuse it. Deep down, you wondered if she truly was annoyed with it.

This time, things felt different. It’s been weeks since you and Jaeil have seen or spoken to each other. It didn’t help that you both fell toward the silent treatment. He was clearly waiting to see if you were going to break first, and your competitive nature wasn’t going to allow it.

The last time you saw each other, you had turned him down for a kiss by mistake. It was after an exhausting 15-hour shift, and affection was the last thing on your mind. Jaeil took it personally and despite you trying to reassure him that it was more about how tired and disgusting you felt, he argued about how distant you were becoming. It wasn’t until he said your emotional unavailability was a contributing factor to your inability to conceive that you snapped. With tears in your eyes, you told him to go home. He left with a quiet, “I’m sorry, but think about it.”

What was there to think about? How could the handful of times that you were moody cause months of infertility? And what about the times you were hopeful as a fool?

Although you guys haven’t officially called for a break, you felt you were on one. Surprisingly, you don’t miss him. It's a relief to come home and not have to prepare dinner or find something to watch together. Instead, you had breakfast for dinner, showered with water straight from Earth’s core, and plopped yourself on your bed in your ugliest (favorite!) pajamas. The best part? You didn’t have to speak. And with the next few days off that meant more days not having to use your voice!

You toss over to your side, noticing Soobin’s text messaging coming in.

Soobie: LOL did ya see us in the photo Taehyun uploaded?

You smile as you open Instagram.

The first photo to appear is of Taehyun’s two-year old daughter, who was grinning brightly in her duck overalls, and perfectly hairspray-ed pigtails. She is definitely his twin!  

The next photo was of him and his wife sharing a kiss with the caption Happy Anniversary! Four years down and only a lifetime to go!

“Awwww… how sickening.” You say with affection as you scroll through the reception party photos he included in the post.

The nostalgia hits you as you see all your friends again. Kai serenading Taehyun who had his head thrown back with laughter, Yunjin on the floor holding up the bouquet she squished on her way down, and you and Soobin screaming when a sparkler was popping out of control. You replay the memory of you and Soobin struggling to light up the sparkler. When it finally lit up, the sparkler gave one large crackle that caused you both to scream as if you two had lit up dynamite. You spit out a laugh, it coming to an abrupt halt when you scroll to the next photo.

Yeonjun was posing on the dance floor with star glasses on, and right next to him? Choi Beomgyu. Beomgyu was grinning off to the side, devil horns held up. Perfectly fitting for the son of Satan, actually. The hatred started brewing at the pit of your stomach the longer you stared (partly because it was annoying how attractive he looked).

You knew he was a part of the wedding party, but he hadn’t been able to make it until the day of the wedding due to his residency. You thought that when you’d see him, you’d feel the same ugly hatred you’ve always felt for him in undergrad. But why did it cause you to run out of air, your conversation with Yunjin trailing off into nonsense, as he walked out of the groomsmen’s suite?

His hair had been tousled with a few strands falling over his forehead, the ends of his hair curling outward. He stood tall with strong shoulders as evidence that he was taking care of his physique. Yunjin looked over to see what caught your attention.

Beomgyu laughed beside Soobin, his face scrunching a little before he looked around the room. You knew you should look away before he caught you, but you couldn’t. His eyes jumped from face to face until they landed on yours.

Feeling your breath return, you gave him an eyeroll as if reinforcing your hatred for him. He smiled softly and fondly, as if to say, “Come on, do you really mean it?”

Beomgyu was the last one to join your friend group and the one that you couldn’t get along with (his fault, of course). You had met him, before he joined your friend group, on the worst day of your life. Whether it became the worst day of your life after meeting him is debatable.

You were standing in the narrow corridor, fanning yourself after running three blocks. It didn't help that everyone was crowded together, the lecture room locked as your Anatomy & Physiology professor was running late. You nervously went over your notes, your hands shaking from the adrenaline of realizing you forgot today was the final exam. While most of the students were using the time to review their notes, others chose to pass time differently.

Trying to calm yourself down enough to retain your notes, the sound of a heated make out session kept infiltrating your ears. You look over in disgust to find Beomgyu and his girlfriend’s mouths open as they pass over each other's tongues, Beomgyu the one resting on the wall while his girlfriend was the one leaning over him.

It was comical how nauseated you were over passing the exam, meanwhile others like Beomgyu only took the course to ensure his tongue didn’t block someone’s airway. When the girl moaned, you finally snapped and turned to shout at them. “If you’re hungry, the cafeteria is that way. Quit trying to eat each other!”

Beomgyu had raised an eyebrow as he fell back against the wall, sliding down a little, hand slipping in his pocket. You snapped your eyes away in disgust, afraid of what you might see if you kept staring.

He wipes his mouth with the back of his arm and laughs. “If we’re hungry, you must be starved.”

You opened your mouth to snap back, but your stomach did it for you. The growl was loud enough for several heads to turn your way. Beomgyu pointed an eyebrow at you with a smirk before letting out a loud “Aha!”

Reeling back with an eyeroll, you made room for the professor to unlock the door. Once the door was open, you rushed inside the room, not out of embarrassment, but of annoyance. You worked hard on the exam, motivated to pass and never see him again.

Obviously, it wasn’t the last time you'd see him. The next semester, when you were going to meet Yeonjun for some donuts, your skeleton nearly jumped out of your body upon seeing Beomgyu standing next to him.

When he turned, he locked eyes with you. It took a few seconds before the recognition shone in his eyes. He grinned and pointed to you, “Ah, the prude!”

What you wanted to reply back was I’m not a fucking prude, you fucking barbarian. We wouldn’t have a problem if you learned to control your saliva. Instead, you settled on one word.

“Whore.”

Beomgyu scrunched his face and gave you a scrutinizing look as he huffed through his nose like a child.

Confused, Yeonjun looked between you guys, waiting until one of you explained what was happening.

You turned to face him with a fake smile. “Yeonjunnie-jun, he’s not joining us, is he? Dunno if we could enjoy our donuts with someone who doesn’t know how to eat his food quietly. Nom Nom Nom.” You open and close your hand for emphasis.

“Can’t help it when the food gets good. But…” He looks you up and down purposefully, tilting his head as if he’s confirmed his conclusion, “Don’t think we’re going to have that problem.”

“Thank you, truly.” You place your hands together and shake them for emphasis. “And thank your girlfriend for her service, yeah?”

After that interaction, you begged Yeonjun not to be his friend. Whatever void in his heart Beomgyu was fulfilling, you told Yeonjun you would make up for it tenfold. Unfortunately, Beomgyu and Yeonjun stuck to each other like two pieces of chewed up bubblegum.

It was game over when Beomgyu met the rest of the group, magnetizing them with his boisterous personality. Eventually he was upgraded to permanently in the friend group status.

He would annoy you about a million things, but it all eventually would come back to you being a "prude". The more you tried to defend yourself, the more he would think he felt you were proving his point.

“For fuck’s sake-“

“Oh!” Beomgyu covered his mouth like an old maid, mocking your cursing.

“-I didn’t care about the kissing! You were being so fucking loud about it!” You shouted at him from the beanbag next to his.

“Not my fault, I’m good at it! Tell me, ___.” He sat up and put a hand over his chest.

“You make out with people silently?” He asked in a hushed whisper as if trying to preserve your “secret”. Mind you, this was only the hundredth time he had brought this up. By this time, the others knew to tune you both out.

“I-“ your voice got caught in your throat.

 “Never been kissed?” He bat his eyelashes, small lisp from his Daegu accent.

“I have.” You snarled the last word as you threw him a look.

He didn’t move an inch. “With tongue?”

“I-“

He kept staring at you, until the stupid smile grew on his face.

You closed your eyes in frustration.

With a victorious laugh, he leaned over to the coffee table, pinching salt onto the back of his hand. Nonchalantly, as if talking to the table he said, “If you were jealous, you could’ve just said so from the beginning. Maybe I would’ve let you join us.”

“Jealous?! If I wanted to drown, I could get creative with a water bottle.” You watched him lick the back of his hand before holding the shot of tequila to his mouth.

He looked at you, giving a small shake of his shoulder, “She wouldn’t have made a sound if she was drowning, sweetheart.” He smirked as he tipped it all back, quickly reaching for the lime to suck on.

“Pussy.” You muttered before taking one yourself and getting up to leave the conversation.

“I have an idea!” Beomgyu announced to the group with a clap. “A game of Never Have I Ever.”

You gave him the death glare, already knowing that he had some ulterior motive ---to shame you, of course. He was already picking up that you could count all your partners with one hand. The others didn’t catch on and turned to him at full attention. Beomgyu grinned innocently at them, eyes momentarily glancing your way.

Chaewon turned from one of the bar stools in Taehyun’s kitchen. “I love Never Have I ever!”

“I’m not playing.” You muttered, hand already wrapped around your purse chain.

With a whine, Yunjin threw her arm around you to steer you back toward the beanbags. “Come on, it’ll be fun! Don’t leave early.”

Beomgyu raised his eyebrow at you, satisfied with your attempt to leave. He leaned back with two arms behind his head, mocking, “Yeah, don’t leave early.”

With a huff, you let Yunjin drag you over to share a beanbag with. She wrapped her arms around your waist in a hug. Yeonjun quickly went over the rules of the game in case anyone forgot and added that a sip of his infamous jungle juice had to be taken for anything done. You held your cup out as he filled it.

Everyone took turns asking questions, and for the most part everyone asked normal silly questions like “Never have I ever went commando in public”, “Never have I ever had a crush on a friend”, or “Never have I ever dated in secret”. But every time it got to Beomgyu, his questions were calculated to humiliate you. Questions like “Never have I ever made out with someone unless they were my boyfriend/girlfriend”.

A chill shot down your spine when he asked his next question.

“Never have I ever… been naked in bed with a guy.”

You froze, eyes flickering up in distaste. How humiliating. Now he would know that you definitely never had sex, but much worse even made it past a kiss. He watched as you didn’t take a sip from your drink, tilting his head back in realization that his suspicions were right all along. All the girls (and Kai) took one. You thought about lieing, but couldn’t when Yunjin and Chaewon knew the truth.

After glancing between you and Beomgyu, Yunjin quickly told you to drown your cup down. She shot him her own fair share of a glare, realizing too late why he was insistent in playing the game.

"It's just a stupid game anyway," she reassured you.

Beomgyu responded by tipping his cup over, not a drop falling out, just to prove a point – he had practically done everything.

You left the party shortly after while everyone was blabbing about their responses in the game (and too drunk to really notice). Beomgyu had his eyes closed and head over the edge of the beanbag, but when you lifted yourself up, his eyes peeked open, and he tried to reach for the hem of your shirt as you passed by. You made sure to hit him with your purse before walking out, over playing this game with him.

The walk wasn't too far to your dorm across the street, but you still couldn’t wait until you were inside to release your tears. While waiting at the light, you rubbed your eyes with your thumb.

When your phone buzzed, you lifted it to see a message from Beomgyu, who shouldn’t have your phone number at all. So who gave it to him?

Maybe Beomgyu: Did I fo tioi far?c - gyuu

Beomgyu (who had just highlighted your inexperience for nothing but his own enjoyment), yup, took it too far.

Only after you climbed four flights of stairs and got to your door, did you realize you left your keys at Taehyun’s.

You took a deep breath to prevent kicking the door in uncontrollable rage. And with closed eyes, you retraced your steps back down to the front desk for a spare key. On the way back, you decided not to torture yourself and take the elevator instead.

Jaeil was inside, taking off his earbuds as you stepped beside him (later on he would tell you that he did it in hopes you would talk to him). You greeted him softly, often seeing him around the building and campus. As the elevator doors were closing, you caught Beomgyu lazily jogging across the window to get to the entrance of your building. Despite the doors already closing, you pressed the close button a billion times.

Your phone buzzed again.

Maybe Beomgyu: im soery let me make it up go you

Maybe Beomgyu: Can you cokne fown?

Thinking over the pain he just caused you, you turned to Jaeil, noting his blushing cheeks.

“Jaeil… do you…would you like to come over for some chicken and beer?”

Pushing you to Jaeil was the one positive thing that Beomgyu had done. Well…

You roll your eyes at the situation you’re in with him currently, but remind yourself that you don’t regret the time you’ve spent with Jaeil.

Just as you closed the app, a text message came in from your boyfriend.

Jaeil: Can we talk?

You tap the side of your phone. Without responding, you tuck your phone under your pillow and fall asleep.

You attempt to cool down your cup of coffee as you type in notes regarding the baby last seen for jaundice.

Whenever your mind wasn’t thinking about the babies, it was thinking about how you agreed to meet with Jaeil over lunch. You lean in for a sip of your coffee, shocked when it’s still scorching.

“Bad news, babe.” Ari spins over to you, taking your cup of coffee to take a sip. You open your mouth to warn her, but it’s too late. You tuck your face in and nod when she yelps in pain.

“My fault, I know!”

You chuckle as you take the cup back from her before she forgets again and attempts another sip.

“Please don’t tell me it’s baby Choi.” Your eyebrows knit in concern. Baby Choi had just taken a nap after finally accepting a bottle.

“Try, Dr. Choi.”

You raise your eyebrows. You had forgotten about him with how crazy today was going.

Emma walks over in a rush, placing her arm on your shoulder. “Director Jung told me to notify you of a high-risk delivery they need you in. Both of you.”

“Oh no.” You stand up with concern. Once Emma leaves, you turn back to Ari. “Okay, really quick. Go.”

 “He….” She pauses for dramatic effect, then rushes the rest of her sentence out, “Has a girlfriend!”

You snort through your nose. You feel only a tinge of disappointment considering you hadn’t even had the privelege of seeing him yet. Walking toward the delivery room, you say. “I bet he does. What was it again? Dr. Choi with the submissive doe eyes? Dr. Choi with a nice ass? Dr. Choi with a baby-making voice?”

Ari suddenly smacks your arm. You tilt your head, confused. “What? Isn’t that-“

“Hello,____.” A breath tickles your ear from behind you. You freeze staring at the matching horror in Ari’s eyes.

The hair on your arm stands up. Hell, the hair on your eyelashes and nose probably did too because the way your name was said with that voice sounds way too familiar for comfort.

With wide eyes, you whip your head around to look over your shoulder.

Right when you turn around, a flash of white teeth shows beneath a small, satisfied grin. It had been the reaction he had been hoping for and thinking about since the moment he transferred in.

“You’re the one spreading the rumors about me?”

No no no.

Choi fucking Beomgyu.

NEXT

Masterlist

Taglist: @whoisgami, @seungminnieinthebuilding

He didn’t mean to fight with you, especially not at work. It should’ve never happened at work. But his day had taken a turn for the worse the minute he recognized his patient in the stretcher as they wheeled her past him into the delivery room. The nervous intern spewed all the information at him in a pure state of panic. That made two of them.

She wasn’t supposed to be delivering her baby until next week, the very baby that she had struggled to create. 

As soon as Beomgyu slipped into the room, it was like a switch was flipped. He buried the nerves and the fear, and focused on delivery. He lowered his voice, calmly encouraging her to continue to push. He understood it wasn’t easy, it was evident in the painful cries he heard during labor.

 It was unfair to him the pain that a woman endured to give birth when it was such a pleasure for a man to create life. So he would never be impatient, never raise his voice, and he would never grow frustrated. Instead, he spoke softly and encouraged her as best as he could, promising her that everything would be okay. 

To his relief, the delivery was smooth and the baby was healthy. It was like Beomgyu was experiencing a redo of one of the most traumatic moments of his life. Except it was far from over. When he went to congratulate her, he noticed her sitting still with stuttering breaths. 

When Beomgyu called for her, her eyes fluttered closed and her head fell back against the pillow. The monitors called for everyone’s attention, blaring. Dashing over, he tried to wake her. She was unresponsive. Beomgyu noted that her blood pressure was also dipping dangerously low.

Her boyfriend came running over, screaming in Beomgyu’s face. What was happening? Beomgyu’s eyes were wide as he looked at the external monitors, trying to figure it out himself. The hospital had checked her after the accident, but it wasn’t apparent then.

Nurses had stepped in to pull her boyfriend back, removing him from the room as they reassured him that her life was in Beomgyu’s care. Her whole entire life. 

It was like Beomgyu was moving through a thick fog, his breathing the only thing that he could hear. “Call a code blue.” 

That’s all it took before people were talking over one another, calling for help. Hands flew in to help Beomgyu as he began compressions, others providing the medications. They tried everything, everything. They tried until the sweat dripped down Beomgyu’s forehead and his arms trembled. 

Her life was in his hands. He wasn’t an intern anymore who could step back and pray helplessly for a miracle. This moment belonged to him —  his calls, his team.

And he failed.

He stepped back, his eyebrows furrowed. Everyone in the room already knew.

“3:45.” His voice cracked.

The room was silent as he walked out, all eyes on him.

As he delivered the news to her boyfriend, he continuously screamed in Beomgyu’s face about not doing enough. Everyone was around to hear it, and Soobin attempted to stop it. Beomgyu had raised his hand to prevent him from getting too close.

Finger jab after finger jab, Beomgyu accepted it. It wasn’t until he threatened to leave the baby that he snapped. He couldn’t leave their baby behind, not when she had fought so hard to create it. But Beomgyu realized that he never wanted the baby, he only wanted to make his girlfriend happy. Without her, it was meaningless to him.

After security had pulled him away, Beomgyu had stepped out for some air behind the back of the hospital. He was hiding, like an animal does before their death. He was ashamed of anyone seeing him as his hand reached for his throat in a desperate attempt to swallow some air. He couldn’t quite catch his breath and his vision was beginning to smear. He swore this time he was dying for real.

Crouching down, he forced himself to cough until he was lurching forward, gagging bile. Once the trembles had subsided, he folded his head into his knees and took deep breaths. 

The baby made it this time. He reminded himself.

Gathering the little strength he managed to recuperate, he went to visit the nursery. 

Hansol, behind the glass, noticed him approaching the viewing window. His eyes fell onto Beomgyu’s badge and he smiled. “Which one is yours?” He mouthed while pointing. 

Beomgyu felt a small squeeze in his chest as he drew out his hand from his pocket. He couldn’t remember what the baby looked like. He licked his lips and signaled the time with his fingers. 

Hansol nodded and pointed to the baby on the left, snuggled and wrapped in the blanket as he slept. 

Beomgyu leaned in closer, scanning the baby carefully. 

He is safe. He is alive.

With a shaky exhale, he apologized. He apologized to the mother for not paying better attention to her. And he apologized to the baby for losing both his mother and his father. Why hadn’t Beomgyu done a better job at counseling them? Why didn’t Beomgyu screen them better to make sure they both wanted the baby? 

That’s when you found him, right as he was about to break again. He didn’t mean to fight with you, but he wasn’t in the right mindset. He thought you were going to be on his side, even if just as a colleague. But you could never let your defenses down around him.

There was something (maybe more) between the two of you that hadn’t been addressed. Beomgyu had a feeling that you were considering IVF with Jaeil. He built his evidence through your  comments. They confirmed his suspicions that you had made up the patient you had for personal info.

How could you evem consider having a baby with Jaeil when your relationship wasn’t stable?

He only meant to warn you, but you didn’t listen. You didn’t think he knew what he was talking about. 

The comment irked him for multiple reasons. For one, he had already heard enough from clients about whether or not he knew what he was talking about. Even after publishing his research and earning awards, it wasn’t enough for people to stop questioning if he knew what he was talking about. Afterall, what does a man know about pregnancy and fertility, right?

For two, he’s watched your on-and-off relationship with Jaeil over the years to know that something wasn’t working between you two, yet you kept forcing the two of you together. He knew that you didn’t really love him like that. Not enough to trap yourself into a life-long situationship. And throwing a baby in the mix? Oh he was trying to save you. Why couldn’t you see that?

And three, unlike what you assumed, he was the way he was in his relationships because he was so much in his head about his future. He wasn’t and would never be the fuck boy you want him to be.

The truth was Beomgyu was pathetically easy. He desired touch and craved intimacy. For someone to hold him and say the right things, but also accept all the love he had to give. Over the course of his relationships, he kept desiring for more and more. 

And it scared him.

The way that he became possessive, the way he wanted to feed someone all his love, the way that someone could walk out after he’s given them everything he has, and receiving nothing in return.

You were right about something, Beomgyu was the reason all his relationships would fizzle out.

Because he knew what it felt like to be called clingy and annoying. All of his early girlfriends were constantly breaking up with him for it. By the time he was a first-year, he became more protective of himself. As soon as the rumor reached him that he was going to be broken up with, he would make a grand show of breaking up with them before they had a chance to humiliate him. Unfortunately, the rumors were only true half the time.

Entering university, he decided that he was going to be more carefree, no longer dating. Instead, he saw multiple people, living in their touches and kisses. He was living in a new high, developing a new addiction. Lips were only two steps away, and sex was only one ask away. 

You were the first one to call him out for his behavior. So maybe he got a little defensive when you called him a whore. 

But Beomgyu knew there was more behind you simply being bothered by his public display of affection. 

He recognized the loneliness and desire swimming in your eyes. Were you jealous? Not for him but of him? 

It disappeared for a moment when you began dating Jaeil, but it returned a few months later. Beomgyu knew because he found himself quietly observing you, and noted how your lips lied while your eyes always held the truth. Jaeil wasn’t satisfying you, you wanted something more intense.

As much as the two of you fought, you both were one and the same. 

It was a secret he held for your sake, but when the alcohol entered him, it was like his lips became too loose. And you pushed and you pushed, so he pushed back. 

And what do you get when you mix a girl who’s starving for more and a boy who has too much to give?

You get two people who fall apart and rebuild in each other’s grasp.

He didn’t know how your relationship would change after that night. He was scared to think too much about it. Not like he had much of a moment to.

As soon as he left the room, Yeonjun made an appearance in front of him. Beomgyu tried to steer him away from the door, but it only made him appear more suspicious. Yeonjun lunged for the door, and only then did Beomgyu confess he was hiding someone in there. He could tell Yeonjun was trying to figure out who it was, but luckily left without pressing him further. 

Sighing with relief, he walked across the room to lean against the wall and watch the door.

You slipped out of the room, your long hair no longer done, but cascading down your back and shoulder as you fixed your shoe. The evidence of what happened in the room lingered in the blush warming your cheeks. 

For some reason, Beomgyu couldn’t step forward. 

And he couldn’t text you in the days that followed. 

It was like he buried the memory in a box, afraid to think too much about it. You had the key to it, and only if you reached out first would he try to unravel it all.

But you didn’t either, and a week later, you posted a picture with Jaeil and a bouquet of roses.

That’s all it took for you? 7 days and 7 roses? 

The conversation was never meant to see the day of light, and it shouldn’t have. But you caught him at a vulnerable moment, and lit a match. 

Beomgyu yawns as he drags his feet toward the hospital exit. He delivered two babies while on call the night prior. One was an emergency c-section, while the second was a woman’s third pregnancy (so it took at most half an hour). 

He made sure to shower at the hospital so he wouldn’t have to bother you at all. One redeemable quality about Beomgyu was that he didn’t stay mad for long, unlike you who seemed to hold a grudge for 365 business days. 

He already popped out his contacts, and wore his thin silver frames at the bridge of his nose. His hair was a mess from rolling over on the pillow, and he didn’t care to brush it. His duffel bag bumped against his loose sweats, and he pulled the zipper of his charcoal zip-up higher so no one would stop him on his way out. He had the day off and he planned to soak up every minute of it.

You were headed toward the revolving door, eyes busy looking at the ground to watch for an opening to not break your stride. As you push the door, you spot Beomgyu walking on the other side. He pretends not to notice, quickly entering in.

Strangely, the doors start to move quickly. So quick, it bumps him forward, causing him to collide in the front glass and ping-pong, his slide wedging under the door and halting the revolving.

“Shhhit.” 

He had a feeling he knew exactly how this happened. He shifts his eyes to the side, catching you running up the hospital stairs to your ward.

Apologizing to the line forming outside the doors, he yanks his slide out and smacks it on the ground before putting it back on.

Beomgyu was lying in his bed, pillow folded in half and wedged under his neck as he moved his little chef on the screen. He zips through the kitchen to grab the lettuce before returning to his station to chop it up like a maniac.

His door opens and Soobin walks in, attention going to the TV.

Beomgyu’s eyes didn’t budge from the screen, determined to get his last order in before the timer ran out.

“What if I was masterbating?” He challenges Soobin.

Soobin’s mouth parts and his eyes draw up like the thought hadn’t occurred to him until now. 

“Mhm…” Beomgyu shifts his eyes momentarily at him. “Okay, stop imagining it.”

Soobin makes a sound of disgust as he falls into Beomgyu’s gaming chair. “Either lock your door or do it in the shower. I don’t wanna see that.”

“Not inviting you to. Shower working now?”

“Yeah, did I not tell you?” Soobin sways in the chair.

Nope. Beomgyu presses his lips in and tosses his controller to the side once he receives his score.

As he sits up, he rakes his hair back with his fingers. 

Soobin points to the game. “Working at the hospital isn’t stressful enough, you had to pick up a job in the kitchen too?”

He shrugs his shoulders and pats over his heart. “If it’s not at 100, I feel like I’m slipping into a coma.”

“Is that why you’re constantly fighting with __?” Soobin raises his eyebrow pointedly at him as he spins himself 360.

Beomgyu holds his stare on Soobin. “How do you know we fought?”

Soobin uses the edge of Beomgyu’s dresser to stop himself with his foot. He chuckles. “I’m right? Not hard to figure out if she's upset, you probably did something.”

Beomgyu narrows his eyes and scoffs. “You know what she did to me? Shoved the revolving door into my back so hard my shoe got stuck! I made a whole scene!”

Soobin spits out a loud laugh. 

“Don’t know why everyone’s always thinking I’m the one starting things.” Beomgyu mumbles.

Soobin rolls his eyes, having heard it all before. “I know she starts it sometimes, too.”

“Sometimes? 90% of the time it is her! Like the time we got kicked out of the movies? I was minding my own business eating my popcorn, but she kept complaining that my chewing was too loud. My mouth was closed! What more could I do? Like I can control the volume of my chewing?! She yanked my popcorn out of my hand and spilled it all. I hadn’t eaten all day. I was so mad… I think I cried.”

Soobin snorts, returning to spin in the chair. Beomgyu knew he wasn’t taking him seriously anymore. 

Shaking his head, he leaned back against his headboard. “We shouldn’t be allowed near each other.”

“Well we suffer regardless if you’re together or apart. Remember ice skating? We kept you both a good twenty feet away from each other, yet you still ended up on the ground beating each other up.”

Beomgyu’s back to sitting up and pointing his finger repeatedly for Soobin’s attention. 

“It was her fault that time too!”

“You admitted it was you.” 

Beomgyu stuttered. “I- no - the first time maybe! When I collided straight into her, I apologized.” Beomgyu unzips his sweater a little, getting worked up. “I apologized and she still thought I did it on purpose. She spun me around so fast I folded over and pulled her down with me. I was trying to soften both of our landing but she was acting like I was going to punch through the ice and drown her. So my elbow ended up hitting her lip.”

Soobin hums, trying to replay the scene in his head to confirm the validity of what he was saying.

Beomgyu practically crawled over to shake his shoulders. “Soobin, you don’t understand. She thinks the world revolves around her and god forbid that I exist in it!”

“God, and you guys are both doctors? Is the plan to take down the entire hospital with you guys? What even happened this time?”

Beomgyu falls silent.

Soobin pulls himself out of Beomgyu’s grasp. “I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and the silence isn’t helping you, Gyu.”

Beomgyu falls back against the headboard again, a small figurine from the shelf above him falls into his lap. He picks it up to play with. 

“She … said if I were to get a girl pregnant, the pregnancy would last longer than our relationship.”

“Okay?” Soobin waits for more. 

“You agree?” Beomgyu pulls the arms off the figurine. Eyes wide, he tries to hide it in his palm before Soobin notices. Soobin had gifted him it when he first moved in.

Luckily, Soobin was checking his phone. “Well, I don’t know. Do I think that you’re seriously dating? No, and that’s fine. If you were serious, do I think you’d abandon someone? I’d like to think that if you got someone pregnant you’d be responsible about it, given your whole profession and everything.”

“‘Course. Not like I’d do something like that by accident anyway. When it’s time, we’ll plan for the baby. We’ll be ready, we'll be married, they’ll be loved.” Beomgyu swallows hard. 

Soobin nods. “But it won’t be with Yoona.”

Not a question, but a confirmation. 

Beomgyu shakes his head. 

“You breaking up with her soon?”

“We’re not dating… but yeah.”

“See why do you do that? You’re in an open relationship, yet...”

“What?” Beomgyu’s tone has a bite.

Soobin shakes his head in disapproval. “You see them over and over. Only them. Of course they’re gonna think you’re dating without saying.”

“In case you forgot, I’m a doctor. I don’t have time to date. If they want to see other people while seeing me, that’s fine. Not my fault if they waste their time on me. Told her my intentions from the beginning.”

Soobin rolls his head back against the chair. “You’re testing the relationship. But what I’m confused about is that you leave them when they choose you. You’re your own worst enemy.”

“You and __ talk about me don’t you?” He narrows his stare.

“No. Doesn’t take a medical degree to see that.”

Because once they chose him, the fear of not being satisfied scares him.

“Why was __ upset? Did you say something hurtful to her after she said that?”

Beomgyu clicks his tongue, stuffing the figurine he was playing with under his crumpled duvet. Stretching out his legs, he fixes the way his sweatpants fall. 

“I…just… pointed out that we’re no different. Whether it's less than 9 months or seven on-and-off years. A relationship can still be doomed to fail. She thinks she's better than me because she’s been in one unstable relationship waiting out until she’ll get married and have her so-called happy ending.”

Soobin shoots him a nasty look. Beomgyu rolls his eyes and gets up, brushing past Soobin’s long legs.

“Don't give me that look. She started it, and I’m not going to let her beat me up. She has to take what she gives out sometimes.”

He opens his closet and shrugs his sweater off to replace it with a tight work-out long-sleeve.

Standing up from the chair, Soobin stretches. “Whatever. You both need to learn to let things go. Instead of going for revenge. I’m afraid that one of you is going to end up fired in the end.”

Beomgyu lets out a small, quiet sigh as he throws on a beanie, fixing his hair before grabbing his gym bag.

“We won’t. I’ve already forgiven her, she's the one who wants to burn someone at the stake before even thinking about it. My trials tomorrow, wish me luck?”

“Where are you going?” Soobin eyes his outfit for a clue. 

Beomgyu looks over his shoulder and bats his eyelashes. “The gym. Don’t wait up for me.”

Soobin follows him out.

“Oh, well I originally came in to tell you that Sakura invited us all to Winter Wonderfest Saturday.”

Beomgyu gives him a thumbs up before heading out, Soobin heading back to his own room.

Beomgyu welcomed the cold, wintry air as he stepped out of the apartment building. It was nice that Soobin was letting him stay with him, but Soobin was always closer to you than him. It felt like the two of you were ganging up on him at times. 

As he waits at the crosswalk, he shoves his hands into his pocket and shivers. The gym was across from the apartment, so he didn’t bother with a coat, but he was beginning to regret it. 

Fishing his phone out of his pocket, he checks if Yeonjun was going to make it to Wonderfest.

Yeonjun: Why? Miss me? :* 

He chuckles. If he could count on someone being on his side, it was Yeonjun.

When he looks up to cross, he notices Jaeil on the other end. Even though Jaeil isn’t paying attention to him, Beomgyu reaches up to pull his beanie down further. 

As he gets closer, his eyes drop down to the small flower arrangement in Jaeil’s hands. Was it the only way he knew how to show you he loved you? Stepping into the mart and grabbing the aged flowers on sale? Beomgyu tensed his jaw. 

He remembered running to you after your  fight at Taehyun and Kai’s dorm. He had seen you and Jaeil in the elevator after he texted you to come back down for him to apologize. He didn’t think much of that moment until Jaeil showed up at the dorms the following week. 

Had Beomgyu been a part of the reason why you two met in the first place? 

What if he had made it to you a minute before you entered the elevator? And apologized?

How different would your life have been?

You two would’ve been better friends. Studying would’ve been easier having each other. Maybe the two of you could’ve applied to the same med school. Would you have interned together? Would you have been by his side when his sister-in-law lost his niece? Would you have been able to explain things better to him?  

With a huff, he accidentally calls for Jaeil’s attention. Jaeil looks over at him and Beomgyu points his eyes forward. 

Jaeil isn’t looking at him, but at his hand. Specifically, his ring. 

Beomgyu continues to walk until he’s at the end of the crosswalk, he looks over to see Jaeil on the other side staring over at him, confused. 

There was no way that he could recognize him. 

Taking a deep breath, he pushes the door to step inside.

“I’m a forgiver, not a forgetter.”  He mutters, the next day at work.

As he exits the doctor’s lounge, he spots you turning into the hallway.

You hadn’t spotted him yet. Or maybe you did and you were pretending not to see him. 

Just because you told him to stay away from you, didn’t mean he was going to obey your wish. Especially not after you managed to wedge his slides under the door. 

Beomgyu finishes putting on his white coat. Before you walk too far away from him, he swiftly hooks his finger in the back of your knitted scarf and hangs it onto a hook on the wall. 

The squeak of your shoe echos loudly followed by you crashing against the wall.

Suppressing his laugh, he picks up his pace.

Let the games begin.

Beomgyu swings into his office, throwing himself into his chair as his fingers glide over his keyboard, entering the password for his computer. Slowly exhaling, he feels himself relax from the morning rush.

A knock on the door startles him. Intern, Dr. Jaechul Lee apologizes quickly. “The ultrasound tech found…” He gets trails off, almost distracted, making Beomgyu wonder if he’s nervous about interrupting him. 

He nods with encouragement for him to continue. Jaechul looks over Beomgyu’s head then clears his throat and focuses on the ground. “Um, he found something to bring to your attention.”

“I’ll be right there. Thank you, Dr.”

Jaechul, once again looks behind Beomgyu, before awkwardly turning away and heading back down the hallway.

Beomgyu sits there for a second, frozen. 

Why did that feel so weird? Sometimes interns can be nervous to approach the attending doctors, but Jaechul seemed to have seen something behind him. He was almost scared to look.

Beomgyu slowly turns to look over his shoulder. There wasn’t anything odd behind him, but then he saw it — his bag. 

His bag was hanging from the wall, open with the contents threatening to spill out. The contents in question? A bunch of lube and boxes of condoms. 

His chin juts forward and he blinks slowly to make sure he was seeing correctly.

There’s no doubt in his mind this was you. 

Before anyone else walks into the room and makes the assumption he’s a sex addict klepto, he wheels over and grabs everything out of his bag and throws it into a cabinet nearby.

“Fuck you, __!”

Heart still beating wildly in his chest, he exits his room with long strides.

How long was that even there for? How many people walked into his office looking for him and walked into THAT?

Beomgyu knocks on the doorframe to announce his arrival in the ultrasound room. Soobin checks to see if it’s Beomgyu. 

Beomgyu greets the patient laying on the examination table before stepping beside Soobin. “What’d you find?” 

Soobin pulls up the image for him. Beomgyu turns serious as he studies the screen, taking over the mouse to scroll through the image carefully. Low-lying placenta.

“I see.”

The patient’s eyebrows draw together as she waits for him to elaborate. 

He smiles. “Baby’s doing well. Strong heartbeat and growing as expected. What we’re noticing is the placenta is lower than expected. What this means, at this point in time, is that we’re going to continue to monitor it at every visit.”

“Is that bad? Is it bad for my baby?” Her voice trembles.

Beomgyu takes a deep breath. “I’m not concerned right now. Because there’s time for it to move up as the uterus expands. But… it can impact delivery if it doesn’t. That means we’ll need to plan better to ensure you have a safe delivery. Let’s have you return in two weeks.”

“Thank you, Dr.” She glances back at the screen, still concerned with what she was told. 

Beomgyu doesn’t feel right stepping away until she looks at ease. He’d hate for her to worry throughout her pregnancy over something she couldn’t control. While it’s something serious, as long as they monitor it closely, they can prepare for all the possible scenarios. 

“He’s comfortable in there. You’re feeling more discomfort than he is. Looks like his foot is pressing against your ribs.” He teases.

It earns him a small laugh. 

“Not at all! I worry he’s going to be as stubborn as his dad. Every time I try to move his foot, he kicks it right back to where he had it.” She gently massages her stomach, trying to nudge his foot away.

“Have you decided on his name?” He asks.

She shakes her head and then points to the two of them. “Share yours? Both of you are so handsome, and smart! Maybe I’ll have to name him after one of you.”

Soobin and Beomgyu exchange looks, internally debating who the better looking one is before they turn to thank her for the compliment. 

They continue to carry the conversation until she’s no longer concerned, but laughing and excited for her next visit (to see the baby and them). Once she’s left, Beomgyu follows Soobin out of the room. Soobin quickly digs into his pocket and takes out a pork bao in saran wrap. 

“Finally! I’ve been waiting to get out of that appointment for this!”

Beomgyu raises his eyebrows as Soobin quickly unwraps it for a bite. Mid-bite, Soobin turns to look at him.

“Can we pretend that I offered you a bite and you said no?”

Beomgyu stops and narrows his eyes on the bao. “Let me guess. __ swung by and gave you that?”

“Maybe.” Soobin bites into it and throws his head back in relief.

Beomgyu huffs through his nose. “Reminds me. I got something important to do.”

Soobin raises an eyebrow. “Please, don’t get fired.”

Beomgyu winks before jogging over to your ward. 

Passing by the NICU, he scans the window, not breaking his walk. You aren't there, but the friend you’re always with is. 

Ari looks up.

Oh, you definitely told her about him with the way she’s watching him with a heavy look of suspicion. 

Beomgyu gulps, walking a little faster, checking if she followed him out. What if she stops him to ask what he’s doing down this hall? Considering he’s been working at the hospital for a while now, being lost wouldn’t sound convincing.

He continues to peek into the rooms through the door vision lites. 

What even is his plan for when he found you? He could either call you out on your childish behavior or hide in the shadows to plot for his next move in this game of checkers.

He does a double-take. There’s someone resting on the bunk bed, and he just knows it’s you.

Upon closer inspection, he notices that you’ve set a small alarm clock next to you – one of the ones the hospital keeps in stock in the lounges for breaks.

The evil smile stretches on his face and the horns grow out of his head. 

Plotting his next move it is.

Slowly opening the door, he tiptoes in. You’re in such a deep sleep, that you’re even snoring a little. He contains his giggles as he shuts the door quietly behind him. 

There’s more alarm clocks somewhere…  Opening the cabinets and drawers slowly, he searches for the stock. He squeezes his eyes shut and rocks back in excitement when he finds them in a drawer.

Scooping up about 5 of them, he works on setting the alarm a few minutes from now. It’s enough time for him to set up the same alarm on all of them and hide them all over the room. 

After fixing the one you’ve set, he places it down next to your head and rushes to exit the room. Then he watches from the other side, but not before finding the button to turn off the hallway light. Perfect, this is too perfect. 

As soon as the next minute strikes, the alarms go off. You flail your arms as if fireworks had gone off in your coat and jump so hard you hit your head on the top bunk. 

Beomgyu couldn’t hold it in anymore and laughs, silently at first but then he loses air and lets out one loud one. At the same time he moves, the lights turn back on outside. He forgot they’re all motion censored. 

You scream when you catch him on the other side, mid-laugh right when the lights flash on.

Beomgyu’s in tears at this point, throwing himself back and covering his mouth with his hands as he flees the scene.

Every time Beomgyu hears a little whisper about the hospital being haunted, he giggles to himself while working. He didn’t realize it became concerning until a nurse stopped by to ask if he was okay because he would be dead serious quiet, but then a low rumble of a giggle would come out of him. They thought he had developed an unusual tic. 

So now he was a sex addict klepto with a tic.

His phone vibrates in his pocket as he waits for his lunch in the microwave. 

It’s a text marked as an emergency from Director Jung. He re-reads it three times not understanding how he’s needed in medical records in three minutes. Medical records is all the way on the other side of the hospital and a few floors up. His kimchi jjigae still had a minute and a half left. 

Cursing in irritation, he takes it out early and throws in a few bites into his mouth before jogging to medical records. 

After breaking out into a run, an elevator ride, and — ironically— getting lost… he made it over. 

“I’m sorry, I’m late.” Beomgyu catches his breath as he opens the door into the department. A few of the staff give him puzzled looks. 

“Is there something you needed, Dr.?” A technician stands from their table. Beomgyu glances around the room. “Director Jung called for me here?”

They all glance around the room and then at each other. “...here?”

“We haven’t seen him at all.” Another technician informs him.

Beomgyu blinks. “Sorry, I’m in the wrong spot.  Today’s my first day.”

Running back in embarrassment, he happens to stumble upon Direct Jung  in the breakroom. Worse? He was eating his stew. 

“Can you believe this was just sitting out here in the open?” The director chuckles, shaking his head while shoveling a spoonful into his mouth. Beomgyu’s stomach growls. 

“Director, did you not need me in medical records?”

“Medical records? What for?”

“I’m… didn’t you send me a text?”

The director wipes his mouth with a napkin and stares hard at him. “I didn’t send you anything.” He pats his pants. “And I realize I’ve lost my phone.”

“Director Jung?” Nurse Emma steps in, holding out a phone. “You left this in the NICU.”

Director Jung chuckles and reaches for it. “Probably shouldn’t be losing that. Thank you.”

Beomgyu narrows his eyes. He didn’t want to think this was something of your doing. It was too advanced for a little game of revenge, borderline crazy. But his intuition was shouting…

“Emma. Can I ask who found it?”

After she confirms his suspicion, Beomgyu wasted no time in grabbing a bunch of soda cans in the mart downstairs. He shook every can before returning it into the plastic grocery bag. And with the strength of a thousand men, he carried four bagful's back up to your hallway. 

He sets them on the front desk. “Courtesy of Jaeil Yun for ____.”

Unfortunately for him, he had rounds to get to (and a snack to down) to wait around for the outcome.

This day felt like the longest one of Beomgyu’s career, and he’s been through back to back days with an on-call shift shoved in between.

It takes a lot of willpower to drag his aching body to his office. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep for a week.  

Nayeon hops out of her chair from the workroom. Beomgyu feels his whole body go numb.

Nooooo. There wasn’t enough energy to listen to a conversation, much less move his mouth to utter a sound back.

He bites the inside of his cheek and scurries to his office when he’s out of her sight. Spinning into his office, he went to close his door, but she had somehow teleported to the entryway. She stands with her hand on the doorframe and a take-out bag hanging from her arm. 

“Ah, Nayeon. Sorry, didn’t know you were right behind me.” He conceals how heavy he was breathing. “Is there something you need me for?”

If she says no, I will be good for the rest of the day.

She clasps her hands together, inviting herself into the office. "Thank you, Beomgyu. For ordering dinner for us!”

Beomgyu furrows his brows. He either had such a busy day that he forgot he ordered food or this is still part of the game.

“Ordered…?”

“Yup, Baekyi said it came. Should we eat it together before going home?”

“I-” Beomgyu had a seat on his computer desk and when he leaned back, the backrest came off of it. He throws his arms out in an attempt to grasp something, but all he gets is air before he flips back and crashes onto the floor. 

Nayeon screams as if she witnessed him getting shot right in front of her. 

“What is it?!” Baekyi rushes over to the room. 

Beomgyu’s still on the floor trying to comprehend what just happened to his brand new office chair. 

He rolls on side and places his palm on the ground.  To his embarrassment, Dayeon, an obstetrics resident, had joined the girls at the doorway.

___!

I’m going to kill her.

“Are you okay?!” Nayeon asks, her and Baekyi rushing to his side. 

Beomgyu sets himself on his back as he stares at the ceiling. There’s only one way to play this. 

“I can’t get up.” He tells them as they come into view.

They try to lift him and Beomgyu pulls against them, like a magnet to the floor.

Naeyeon huffs, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she glares at Dayeon. “Dayeon, what are you doing just standing there? Get him a wheelchair! We need to wheel him to radiology for a scan!”

Fearing Nayeon, Dayeon nods and rushes out.

Beomgyu looks side to side. Getting scanned at radiology is pointless considering nothing is wrong with him other than a bruised ego.

“Nayeon,” he whispers. She turns to him, concern weighing heavy on her face. It almost catches him off guard because nobody’s ever been this concerned for him. “Can I confess something to you?”

She leans in close, taking his hand in hers to gently squeeze it.

“I didn’t break anything, just really sore. Don’t say anything, but don’t think I need to get scanned. I’m just embarrassed.”

She sighs with relief, and Beomgyu thinks maybe she was thankful she didn’t have to fill out a workplace injury report. He would be upset if he had to complete one right before almost being free to go home as well. 

“I’ll keep it a secret. We’ll just have you in a wheelchair until you feel better.”

He smiles. “Thank you. Please warn everyone that there’s some kind of manufacturer error with these chairs and have them checked. And I mean everyone in the department. Don’t leave out a single detail of what happened to me. Embellish it a little if it’s going to make everyone take the warning seriously.”

She nods.

Beomgyu expects her to move right away, but when she doesn’t he purses his lips.

“Oh now?” She clarifies. 

Before Beomgyu can say more, Director Jung steps into the room. “Patient, Haneul Cho, that we had scheduled for the c-section tomorrow is in labor right now…”

Beomgyu’s eyes widen. There was no way that she could deliver that baby naturally. The baby was measuring bigger than average.

“What’s going on here?” The director waves his finger at Beomgyu still on the ground.

“He’s injured, Sir.” Nayeon responds.

“Injured?! How injured?!” Director Jung panics, hand over his belly as he leans closer to inspect.

Nayeon responds, “His ass.” At the same time Beomgyu says, “I’m okay, sir.”

“I’ll-” Beomgyu leans up to stand.

Baekyi rolls in with the wheelchair, catching her breath. “I’ve returned.”

“Well go on and get in the wheelchair and I’ll wheel you over.” The director bends down and throws Beomgyu’s arm over his shoulder so fast that he doesn’t know how to protest. Beomgyu has the wind knocked out of him as his chest hits the director’s shoulder.

“Sir-” Beomgyu wheezes. 

“Hurry, this could develop into an emergency.” The director tries to slide Beomgyu into the wheelchair, Beomgyu twists his ankle, tripping over the director’s leg as he gets into the chair.

“Yes, sir.” Beomgyu grits his teeth. If he wasn’t that injured before, he definitely is now.

It could be worse. They could’ve had him turned around with his butt in the air.

Director Jung grabs the handles of the chair and turns to Nayeon. “Nayeon, head on over to operation room 3, they’re going to wheel in a patient in need of a cyst removal.” 

Nayeon straightens and nods as she leaves the room. She gives Beomgyu a wink and thumbs up before running off. 

Beomgyu hates the spectacle he’s become as he’s assisted into scrubs and gloves, he reassures everyone that his hands work just fine. His ankle on the other hand… 

He gets wheeled in, catching your attention. You blink your eyes nervously and Beomgyu wonders if you realized you were behind his unfortunate series of injuries.

I was almost done for the day…

“Thank you,” Beomgyu says softly, trying to play into the pity as he’s set in front of Haneul. The director excuses himself.

Nurse, Emma, steps aside as she wipes the sweat away with her arm, having assisted with the labor thus far. 

“I wasn’t supposed to go into labor, Dr.” Haneul cries in pain.

Beomgyu nods, understanding. “We’re going to do our best to get your baby out safely.”

He carefully guides the delivery, pushing aside every distraction from his mind. All that mattered was Haneul and her baby. He notices the head already crowning and encourages Haneul to continue with a controlled push. He holds his breath as the head is delivered, then the baby stops. 

Fuck.

The head is facing the perineum and by the way he retracts, Beomgyu knew it was shoulder dystocia. 

“Shoulder!” He calls for assistance. 

The room grows louder with panic. The nurses jump in, Ari assisting with raising the bed. 

Beomgyu looks over at you. “Stand by for resuscitation.”

You nod, firmly, moving over to the warmer. 

Emma and Kari grab the mother’s legs toward her chest. Emma gets on the bed to press just above her pubic bone. Beomgyu hopes it nudges the baby’s shoulder free. 

Haneul cries in fear, asking what’s happening. Beomgyu tries to narrate his moves for her, reminding her to take deep breaths, but not to push unless directed to.

He tries to control his face, not wanting to show his exasperation at this not working. 

“I apologize for the discomfort, Haneul.” 

Determined, Beomgyu slides his hand in to search for the arm. If the baby could just move a little bit.

He feels the arm.

“Pulling.” He looks over at the nurses who look relieved.

The baby is released and slides right into his hands, limp. Kari is quick to assist with cutting the umbilical cord and you’re already reaching to take the baby in your hands. 

He checks on you. Your face is a little flushed, and your eyes are laser focused on the baby. 

You’re just as worried as he is. 

Haneul cries, the nurses assisting her. 

Beomgyu glances at you. He’s in awe with how fast you’re moving, and controlling the situation. Everything is second nature to you, despite this being the scariest situation to be in. Haneul’s life was in his hands, and now the baby is in yours. A strand slips from behind your ear, but you keep working on chest compressions. 

Beomgyu gulps, but then you look over at him. “She’s breathing.” you sigh with relief. Beomgyu gives you a small smile and nod.

Tilting his head back, he feels the tension leave him. 

“Haneul, you did it. She’s here.”

She wipes her eyes. “Thank you. Thank you, everyone.”

He carefully stitches her up, the resident doctor stepping in to finish up for him.

You take a step in his direction as Beomgyu takes his gloves off. His eyes trail up to your face.

“Dr. ___. If you may,” He signals for you to step aside, “I’m in no way trying to get near you, against your wishes.”

You grip your scrubs. “Are you seriously hurt?”

He squints his eyes, trying to figure you out.

“Mmm.” He flares his eyes. “Threw my whole body with full faith in my chair.”

“Sorry,” You rub your wrist.

Beomgyu tucks his hair behind his ear. “Come again?”

You click your tongue.  “I said…  that I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would get seriously hurt. I thought you would just fall off. I- wasn’t thinking how dangerous it was. I was just so pissed after the alarms. So… sorry.”

He nods, slowly as if he was piecing the events of his day to you. “So paging me, loading me with condoms, breaking the chair, was all you?”

You snap your head back after he said it out loud, looking at Kari who clasps her hands over her mouth as she passes by,  getting the wrong idea.  She pushes the delivery cart faster.

“My god.” You mutter before taking reign on the wheelchair and pushing Beomgyu out of the room. 

You stomp back in front of him, giving him a look like he’s crazy. “Watch how you say things! Besides, what do you mean about the paging and the condoms?”

Beomgyu shifts his gaze. Were they merely coincidences?

“Wait, my scarf and the soda… was that you?” You step closer to him, hands on your hips.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh.”

“But I forgive you.”

“Great.” You cross your arms. “We’ll just continue to stay out of each other’s way and keep the peace?”

He nods. “Fine.”

You stick your hand out. 

Beomgyu stands off the wheelchair and shakes it. 

“Ah-” You stare in shock. 

“But remember,” He pulls your hand toward him, you with it. “You still have favors you owe me. Regardless if we’re keeping the peace or not.”

You look at him from below your lashes, a frown on your face. 

It doesn’t intimidate him.

“They’re not good forever.” You warn him. 

He grins. “Don’t worry. I’ll use them soon. See you in skills lab?”

You let out a low groan, waving him off.

Beomgyu scrunches his nose, smiling with his eyes.

Soobin’s snoring could be heard from the entryway as Beomgyu steps into the apartment. At least one of them got off their shift on time. He shuts the door behind him as he slides off his bag. 

Not knowing when Beomgyu would make it from the hospital, Soobin left the kitchen light on as a courtesy. In return, Beomgyu washes all the dishes in the sink before taking a quick shower. As comfortable as Beomgyu was in Soobin’s apartment, he reminded himself that he should still look for his own apartment. He hated to think he was being a bother.

After changing into his loungewear, he puts his glasses on and sits on the living room sofa to browse on his phone while his hair dries. 

Beomgyu chuckles when Soobin lets out a louder snore than the others. He appreciates some noise in the apartment.

Before moving into the city, he had lived with his older brother and his family. It was mostly Beomgyu and his nephews that made the house so loud. He missed coming home from work and playing with them. They were at the age where they valued playing with toys and each other, rather than alone on devices.

He turns on the table lamp next to him, letting out a yawn as he decides researching would be a good idea for the lab tomorrow.

After a few minutes, he gets distracted replaying the delivery from earlier. Shoulder dystocia was such a scary thing to happen. If they don’t act quick enough, the baby could die from hypoxia, and the mother could die from hemorrhage. Luckily, everyone worked so fast. Especially, you. 

The way you swept in and cared for the baby. If you two were better friends, Beongyu would tell you that it was captivating. The way that you orchestrated the resuscitation, and knew exactly what to do while keeping yourself composed. 

He could understand you at that moment because the pressure to keep the baby alive fell mostly on you. Just how the pressure fell on him during labor and delivery. Did anyone look at him the same way he looked at you? Had he looked just as heroic? Despite being so experienced, he knew that you still feared the outcome. It was obvious with the way your shoulders rolled back, and you took your first breath in after having withheld it for so long once the baby finally cried out.  

He wished he could tell you how cool you looked. 

His phone rang, and a picture of his brother and his nephews took over the screen.

Excitedly, he sat up and answered. 

“Jin-ie!” He exclaimed with a giant smile, seeing Beomjin on the other side. All of a sudden, his two nephews jumped into the screen calling for their uncle’s attention. 

“Oh~ Isn’t it way past their bedtimes? Hey, how are you two supposed to grow taller if you’re always staying up late?”

His nephews, Hojin and Woojin, giggle.

“We earned it!” Hojin, the eldest, shouts.

Woojin chimes in. “Yeah! ‘Pa said if we brushed, we can have an extra ten minutes.”

Beomgyu grins. “Ohhhhh, ten minutes?”

They jump around in celebration. 

Beomgyu leans back with a proud smile. “Okay, okay. If you earned it, then it’s fine.”

He spent a few minutes catching up with them before his sister-in-law, Jinah, gathered them for bed. They whined in her arms and begged for Beomgyu to save them. 

“If you listen, I’ll bring you both a special surprise next time I come.”

“Robots! Tobot V robots!” They cry out. 

“We’ll see,” Beomgyu teases. 

Jinah laughs and greets him before pulling the boys away.

Beomgyu gives her a cheerful wave. She’s been around since Beomgyu was 15, so she’s almost like another sister he grew up with.

Left with Beomjin, he got more comfortable on the sofa, bringing a leg in.

“How's the hospital over there? Are you liking it better?” Beomjin asks while putting away the food in the kitchen.

Beomgyu nods, resting his cheek on his leg. “Keeps me busy.”

“Are you still having panic attacks?”

He sighed slowly. “Yeah. I recognized one of my patients the other day. She – uh — she  didn't survive.”

Beomjin leans on the counter with his palms, looking toward the camera. “I’m sorry, Gyu.”

“It’s… yeah. It didn’t last long this time.” Beomgyu clears his throat, trying to keep his tone light. He didn’t want to worry his brother.

“Are you thinking of quitting?” Beomjin’s eyes are gentle as he asks the question, not wanting Beomgyu to feel like he’d think bad of him if that was his choice.

“No.” 

“Good. It wasn’t your fault you know. With what happened with Jinah.”

“I know,” he whispered. He licked the side of his mouth, trying not to have his eyes water.

“You were just an intern.”

He felt a wave of nausea and closed his eyes while nodding. The room felt like it was spinning outside his head.

Beomgyu was an intern when Jinah had been wheeled into the hospital. He was following the resident doctor around when he felt his body grow cold at recognizing her. She was bleeding and unconscious on the stretcher. She had fallen down the stairs at the house.

He panicked. 

As soon as the blood kept getting on his hands, he freaked. He was too distracted wondering how it happened, if Beomjin knew, if the baby was alive or dead already. He wasn’t able to follow the directions the resident doctor was giving him to the point the doctor yelled at him to stay away or get himself together. 

Jinah lost the baby from severe hemorrhage due to placental abruption. 

She was unable to conceive again.

To this day, Beomgyu struggles with patients he recognizes in medical distress. He’s better with the ones he’s had minimal contact with, but terrible with any that he’s worked with since conception. His panic attacks were a big reason he transferred to a new hospital. At BFM, he had far fewer patients that he worked with during pregnancy and fertility. While it would be easier if he avoided labor and delivery all together, that was what Beomgyu was more passionate about. 

The reason he had done so much research in fertility was out of guilt for what happened to Jinah. He wanted to desperately find something that helped. She volunteered for a lot of his trials, but she remained unsuccessful while others succeeded. He stopped his research once she had come to terms with her infertility. 

He sucks in air between his teeth. “Yeah.”

Beomjin picks up the phone and smiles. “We’re so proud of the amazing doctor that you’ve become. You have no idea.”

I could be better. 

“If you guys need anything again. Call me?” He asked.

Beomjin held his pinky up in a promise.

When Beomgyu hung up the phone, he closed his eyes and gently raked his fingers through his hair for a few minutes.

Time for bed.

Attending doctors brush up resident and intern doctors through medical practice via a skills lab. 

The room was unusually crowded when Beomgyu walked in. They said they struggled with getting staff to attend.

A number of them had flocked over to ask him about the delivery the day prior, startling him. Beomgyu snorts at his own reaction, and asks if they would like for him to go over shoulder dystocia during the lab instead of just telling them. They chattered with excitement. 

You were already in the room, logging into the computer. Surely, with a PowerPoint ready to display. He figures you’d want to divide the time for two separate demonstrations. 

After walking over, he sets down a small snack container next to you with chips on one end, and guacamole and cherry tomatoes on the other. 

“Sorry, it’s not flowers.” He pokes his tongue out.

You barely turn your body when you eye him and then the container. Beomgyu lingers, carefully watching how you tilt your head and how you extend a finger to hold the curling sticky note down to read. 

I think you should do resuscitation today.

Your eyes meet his, wondering what it’s about. Beomgyu bites his tongue before calling for the residents to assist him with setting up the labor and delivery mannequin on the hospital bed. 

“With my patient, shoulder dystocia was a huge possibility since the baby was measuring larger than average and she has a small pelvis. But it’s not predictable. It can happen to anyone.” He emphasizes.

Beomgyu positions the baby through the canal to demonstrate how the shoulder can prevent the baby from smoothly traveling through. “You’ll know when you have an issue when the chin is tightly against the perineum. As soon as you see this, call for NICU and assistance.”

You’ve stopped typing on the computer to watch his demonstration. When Beomgyu catches you, you don’t avert your gaze, holding a cherry tomato to your mouth. You were actually eating what he prepared? He felt so pleased with himself that he almost forgets he’s in the middle of a demonstration.

He instructs everyone to assist him in pulling the legs toward the body as he explains how to change the labor position. He picks on Hyunwoo, who also seemed to be distracted with your presence in the room, to apply suprapubic pressure over the pelvis.

“Gently, Hyunwoo, apply some pressure like this. Heel of the hand… one over the other. There you go. You can see that this pressure is nudging the shoulder.”

“I can see it!” Hyunwoo says as he looks at the baby mannequin turning slightly.

“Pretty cool, huh?” Beomgyu grins.

“Once pressure is gone, we gently guide the head out.” Beomgyu assists the baby out, pulling on the mannequin a bit.

He cradles the baby in his arms. The doctors clap their hands politely and you slowly step closer. Beomgyu gives you a tiny smile, just a small lift of the corner of his mouth. 

“Will you demonstrate what you did yesterday?” Beomgyu asks, voice coated with honey.

You clear your throat and stand taller, in ‘professional doctor’ mode. “Of course. Thank you, Dr. Choi.”

Dr. Choi.

The residents follow you over to the baby warmer as you turn it on and Beomgyu plays with the baby’s arm as he stands up to walk over to your demonstration.

You take the baby from his hands, your hands brushing against his — soft and cold. There’s a small static shock between them from all the shuffling of the equipment. 

“Sorry,” Beomgyu apologizes, without really meaning it.

You bite your lip and place the doll in the warmer while you continue.

“Most of the time, suction will do the trick. If not, then we need to bag the baby. Pay attention to the heart rate because if it dips below 60, then that’s when we intubate and start chest compressions. It’s a lot to remember when it’s happening, but…”

Beomgyu starts to feel his face fall as your demonstration continues. He’s no longer there in the room paying attention, but back in the emergency room as an intern.

While you demonstrate chest compressions and adding the EKG monitor, he thinks about Jinah’s baby, remembering how small she was and how hard the chest compressions looked to him. He wanted to scream that they were pressing too hard, that they were hurting her. 

He realizes now that wasn’t the case. They were doing everything at the appropriate lengths. Still…

“If the heart rate is still less than 60, IV epinephrine goes through the umbilical cord. Like so.” You hold the syringe in your hand, demonstrating how to administer the medication.

Beomgyu winces and your eyes lift up to him right away.

It’s fine. This isn’t real. 

Feeling like something is stuck in his throat, he steps away to get some water from the hallway.

.

.

.

“Honestly, that was one of the best labs we’ve been to.” Resident, Rina, compliments while assisting with putting away the mannequins after the demonstration. “It helps that we got to see that delivery yesterday. NICU and L&D should run more of these together.”

“Should we?” Beomgyu chuckles. If only they knew the drama behind the scenes.

“Hey, can we ask what made you choose obstetrics? Y’know cause not a lot of guys do.” Rina walks beside him, eager for him to respond.

Beomgyu adjusts the collar of his coat. “Mmm… It took a while before I decided. I was interning in the ICU when I thought I should try going into obstetrics and gynecology.”

A few interns turn to face him,  interested in hearing how he made his decision. He suddenly feels pressured to tell a good story. Though, it probably was very similar to everyone else's.

“...And then a woman was transported into our hospital. She was septic, and having a miscarriage. The OBGYN team rushed out of nowhere. They weren’t even communicating with words, but somehow they knew to pick up what the other hadn’t to help stop the bleeding and get her to the OR. We deal with emergencies all the time, but in obstetrics and gynecology you see a bit of everything, from the beginning of life to even the end of it.”

“You joined them, but you left them?” Hyunwoo places his hands in his pocket as he steps nearer.

Beomgyu opens his mouth, but fails to find the words to explain. Of course, he wasn’t the only one probably curious why he would leave one of the most highly rated hospitals for BFM hospital.

“The pace is different there than here. I’m more comfortable here.”

An honest answer.

“We’re happy you’re here too.” Rina smiles at him, her friend giving her a little jab to the ribs as they exit out of the room giggling.

“Seriously.” Another intern salutes him, the others begin to leave the room.

Beomgyu chuckles. “Thank you. And for those still interning, please choose obstetrics.”

They nod their heads enthusiastically, waving goodbye to both you and Beomgyu. Hyunwoo lingers for a moment. Beomgyu follows his stare to you. 

He’s waiting for you?

You walked over to the warmer, beginning to clean up your set up. Beomgyu heads over, stretching his arm over you to turn off the warmer. 

He peeks over his shoulder to see Hyunwoo has disappeared. 

You scoff, slowly turning your body to face him. He looks down at you, surprised by how close he put himself.

“Hmm?” He questions, a hum that’s just a low rumble from his throat.

You gasp. It’s a short, quiet one but Beomgyu doesn’t miss it. 

“Come to brag?” You clear your throat and put your hand in your pocket, standing tall. It only lessens the space between the two of you.

“About?” He’s genuinely confused. 

“How you successfully hijacked the lab and made it one big recruitment for obstetrics.” You place your hand on his chest to push him and make your way out from the corner. 

Beomgyu keeps your hand right where it is and pulls you toward him. “Hooooow?”

You really think he had energy to be malicious this early in the morning? He was only going with the flow. It wasn’t like the two of you were civil enough to get together and organize it better. 

“‘Come to obstetrics?’ What about us in pediatrics?”

He can’t help but watch your lips. He shrugs in response. “What about you guys? Pediatrics never has any issues with getting residents. You really think they’re all going to come to obstetrics just because I asked?”

You haven’t pulled your hand back, and Beomgyu wonders why. He adjusts it so it doesn’t slip from his hand. 

You both lock eyes, playing a game of who can break away first. 

Who would be the loser in this game? The one that breaks away first? Or the one that gets broken away from?

You roll your eyes and mutter, “Only because they think you’re cute.”

“Cute?” He pretends to think it over. “I guess you’re right. I am cute.”

You pinch his chest. He cries out in pain, rubbing over the spot. 

“Whatever,” you breathe out defeated, returning to organize the drawers in the warmer.

Beomgyu half-chuckles, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms. “Guys here think you’re cute too.”

You flick your eyebrows up. “Yeah, right.”

Has that never really occurred to you? Do you seriously think only Jaeil finds you attractive?

“I’m serious, ___.” His voice softens.

His eyes trail over face and to your tightly fitted shirt underneath your white coat.

“Is it my greasy hair? My eyebags? The sweat sticking to my forehead?” You shake your head, dismissing his words. 

Beomgyu presses his lips firmly, noticing how you’re shrinking into yourself with a frown. It wasn’t you being mad at him, but more like you were upset in yourself?

It annoyed him. 

“It’s your eyes.”

Your eyebrows twitch as you set your eyes on him again.

He looks back, taking a moment to hold your eyes like he usually does before he talks. “They’re expressive and warm. It’s a trap if you ask me, but still…  careful with them. Think Hyunwoo is in love.”

You finish putting everything away, shutting the last drawer and blushing. “Hyun– he is not. He’s just really nice.”

Beomgyu snorts, walking around the room. 

You gawk at him.

“Now, my turn.” He smirks while standing back in front of you.

You huff. “What?”

“If we’re back to playing nice, don’t I deserve something too?” he plays with his fingers, swaying a little and giving you a nudge.

You cross your arms. “That’s not fair. You hear these things every day.”

“Nuh uh! Doesn’t Jaeil tell you these things?”

Your face falls and Beomgyu grows more irritated with him.

“Hurry, I have rounds.” He puts his hands into his coat and rocks forward.

You dart your eyes up at him, then drop to his mouth.  He stills.

“Nothing. Nothing about you is nice.”

Beomgyu feels a pull in his chest as he leans in a little closer. 

“Liar,” he whispers, tilting his head back.

The air grows heavy between the two of you, your eyelids fluttering.

You jerk your head away, the blush closer to red. “I should finish what I was doing.”

As you step away, Beomgyu reaches out for you again.

You look up at him in surprise. 

“I didn’t get to apologize to you for what I said.”

“Just forget about it.”

“No, I don’t want to pretend like it never happened.”

You bite your lip and shrug with one shoulder. “It’s true though isn’t it? What we said.”

“I don’t care if it was true or not. It was hurtful. I hurt you.”

You shrug and look at him. “Okay, then I’m listening.”

He lets go and runs his hand through his hair. “I have no right to speak about you and your relationship with Jaeil. I’m sorry, I need to stay out of it. I will stay out of it. And you were right. I can’t hold a relationship so I’m jealous that you can. And what happened at the wedding…”

You inhaled sharply, tapping your fingers against your arm.

Beomgyu held your eyes. “It wasn’t just you. It was me too. I wasn’t… I wasn’t trying to prove any point. I don’t want to use what happened between us against you ever again.”

Small tears form in the corner of your eyes and Beomgyu lets out a deep breath of frustration in himself. 

The frown returns to your face, a small one. “Then what was that night to you?” 

He parts his mouth to say something, but holds himself back. “I don’t think you want me to answer that.”

“No, I do.” There’s a sharp edge to your voice.

Beomgyu bites his lip and draws his eyes to the corner of his vision. “Relief.”

Loss of control and release.

He felt the ache threatening to build up again.  

“And for you?” He asked.

You laugh bitterly. “Relief is a good word. You’re right. There are things that Jaeil can’t satisfy and things that drive me insane. But that’s every relationship. There isn’t a perfect one. And for me, that night was a relief from that.”

Beomgyu nods slowly.

“It’s not like it changed things between us in the end. We still fight like we’ve always done. I know it was like any other night for you, but I’m not the type of girl who wants to be like that— like you. I think I want a relationship. And that’s why I feel the safest with Jaeil.”

Beomgyu finds it harder and harder to hold your eyes as you go on. 

But he tells himself to. 

“Sooo,” you take a breath in and gulp, “So please understand me. What’s wrong with wanting to be with Jaeil? Is there something you know about him that you’re not telling me?”

There’s one thing… but it’s not worth bringing up right now.

Beomgyu shakes his head. “No. I think he’s the perfect guy for you. Just don’t hate my lifestyle and I won’t hate yours.”

You nod. 

He does too as he steps back, looking out toward the hallway. “Well I have to go. I have rounds.”

“I’ll finish writing up a report of how our lab went for the Director.” You say quietly.

He nods once, exiting the room with purpose.

Shutting his eyes, he thinks about the ache lodged in his heart. 

Beomgyu stands under the stream of the shower, slowly rinsing the shampoo out of his hair. He’s been thinking over your conversation from earlier for over twenty minutes now. 

There was one thing that was bothering him.

Did you admit that you just fucked him for a good fuck?

He holds out his arm against the shower wall, turning his head so the stream of water runs in different directions.

Leaning back against the shower wall, he closes his eyes. This irritating ache was still lingering in his heart. Similar to the way it was the night of the wedding.

“Then have me.” 

Did you know he was begging for you to put him out of his misery?

He closes his eyes and tilts his chin up, swallowing hard. 

Holding himself in his hand, he begins to stroke his length slowly. 

His thumb goes over his tip and he groans, gripping tighter. As he strokes faster, his mouth goes slack and his vision becomes out of focus. 

He’s been in the shower for so long now that he’s about to pass out.

But he won’t stop until he cums.

The worst part?

He’s thinking about you the entire time.

How you were so angry, yet hungry at the same time. The way you melted into his touch and crumbled beneath him. 

To the way you cried out his name like he was giving you the best you’ve ever taken.

When Beomgyu told you that the sex was ‘relief’. He meant a relief from the confusing desire, the lust, the unattainable want. 

The tension was building again and Beomgyu needed to feel relief soon or he was going to explode.

He breathes loudly as he jerks his hips forward, the cum shooting out in ribbons onto the shower door and over his hands.

He turns to face the wall as he catches his breath. 

It wasn’t enough.

.

.

.

After getting out of the shower, he was quick to text Yoona to come over.

As soon as she walks into the door, he throws his arm around her shoulders and pulls her in for a kiss, hand holding the back of her head as he kisses her. 

She squealed with joy before returning his kisses, tugging on his shirt for him to use more force. 

It’s still not enough.

She pulls away and pecks his lips, grinning.

“What’s this about?”

“Please.” He begs pretty as he leans in closer, waiting for her to let him kiss her.

She pecks his lips and then sinks into his kiss.

He moans when her hands find their way under his shirt.

Still, it’s not enough.

“Did you think about it?” She says against his moving lips.

Still in a haze, he hums in confusion, beginning to pepper kisses down her neck. 

“About meeting my parents for dinner?”

His lips stop moving. 

Shit, he forgot that’s why he was dodging her. 

When Yoona visited the hospital the other day. She had come over to say she wanted him to have dinner with her parents. 

He had met Yoona while doing a spontaneous photoshoot for Kai. Kai mentioned the modeling studio he worked for needed an extra model because the previous one had moved back abroad, so Beomgyu went. He figured he would be reconnecting with a friend and earning an easy $1500. Yoona happened to be his modeling partner that day. Nobody could miss how beautiful Yoona is, especially not Beomgyu. During the shoot, they had to be close with their hands all over each other. And Beomgyu, who had gone so long without any form of intimacy at that time, crumbled under her touch.

They started to mess around after that.

But like he told Soobin, he was clear with his intentions from the start.

So how was she misunderstanding him?

He pulls back and leans against the console table near the entrance. Reaching beside him, he turns on more lights. Mood over.

Fidgeting with his ring, he contemplated how to begin this conversation. The silence prompted Yoona that he was going to say something she wasn’t going to be happy to hear. 

He tilts his head, the delicate strands of his hair sweeping across his forehead. “Yoona, I thought we agreed. We aren’t dating, right?”

She presses her lips together and adjusts the purse on her shoulder. “What was I supposed to think when we’ve only been seeing each other for months now?”

“You haven’t been seeing other people?”

“Have you?” She narrows in on him.

No.

Yet, he nods. “I have.”

Yoona’s face falls. “I don’t believe you.”

Beomgyu’s eyebrows draw up, unable to hide his expressions. “You don’t believe me?”

She shakes her head quickly. “I don’t think you’ve been seeing anyone but me. I get that meeting my parents sounds scary but it's just dinner. We aren’t getting married? They just want to meet the guy that's been treating me so well.”

Beomgyu’s eyes scan the floor as if it would have the answers written out there. They aren’t dating, yet she wants him to meet his parents? What’s next? They aren’t moving in together, but she should have her own drawer at his place? They aren’t having kids, but they’ll share custody of a pet? 

Begomyu's heart races in a bad way. He picks up his head. “Yoona, I think we should stop seeing each other.”

She frowns. “What? No. That's not fair. You’re running away.”

Beomgyu gets up and walks behind the kitchen island, digging his phone out of his pocket. “No, I’m not. Yoona, I’m telling you directly the truth. I’m seeing more people and it's not fair if you want to be the only one. I’m not a cheater, I don't cheat. So let’s stop this right now.”

As he was talking, he hid his phone under the kitchen island to send you a text. You owe me a favor right? No questions asked?

He’s relieved when you text back quickly. 

You: The reaper has finally come to collect. What is it?

Beomgyu: Call me, acting like my girlfriend.

He flips his phone off silent, heart thudding hard in his chest. He knows this is stupid, but it might be the only way Yoona would listen.

As Yoona walks closer to sit on a stool, his phone rings. Beomgyu almost jumps through the roof of the apartment and into the one above it. Were you really calling? Were you going to help him or call him out?

Resting his hand on the table, he flips his phone over to see your name displayed on the screen.

Yoona catches it and her stare deepens on him.

“Sorry, I’m going to take this.” He steps away, close enough that she can hear the conversation but far enough he can run if you decide to yell at him. 

“Hi.” Your voice is short with him.

Beomgyu can’t help but chuckle. “Hey. Is… everything fine?”

Code: Are you okay with doing this?

“I don’t know. Am I mad at you? In love with you? I can’t decide.” You sound like you threw yourself onto your bed, or that’s what he’d like to imagine. 

Beomgyu bites his lip. “You love me?”

Yoona scoffs, gathering her keys in her hands. 

Maybe this will work.

“I’m in love with you.” You repeat, feeling the words in your mouth. Beomgyu’s breath catches. “Is now a good time or are there others?”

“I have someone over, but it’s fine.” He looks over at Yoona and holds up a finger while mouthing to her that it’ll be a minute. “What’s wrong?”

“Mmm,” You hum, thinking. “I miss you.”

Beomgyu rubs his finger on the back of his phone case.“I miss you too.”

“Been thinking about you.”

“Yeah?” His voice tightens in his throat. He actually has.

He didn’t mean for it to come out so breathy, he was just shocked with how you were speaking to him. He feels himself get hot all over.

Yoona rolls her eyes at him and walks out the door, leaving him on the phone. Beomgyu sits on the arm of the sofa, throwing his head back. Finally.

As he was about to tell you the reason for the situation, your voice comes through weakly on the other end.

“Jaeil and I broke up.”

“Again?”

“For good.”

Yeah, right.

All Beomgyu can hear is his pulse in his ears. “I’m sorry,”  he apologizes softly. “Are you okay?”

“I will be. At least, I have you…”

Beomgyu lays himself back on the sofa. “You have all of me always, ‘heart.”

“Do I?”

“You do.”

There’s a shiver in your exhale. “Next time we see each other, what will we do?”

“Whatever you want me to do to you.” His voice is low and husky.

“Everything.” You whisper, and it was like you were saying it right in his ear. 

Beomgyu sucks air through his teeth.

“Are you okay, baby?” You say baby with some hesitancy, like you’re scared of how he’ll react. 

Beomgyu’s head is spinning, he rests his arm over his eyes.

What was he doing?

“No, I need you.”

I need you. I need you. I need you.

“Right now, baby?”

“Now.”

“But I’m already in bed.” You tease him.

“Then I’ll come to you.”

“You’ll come for me?”

“I’ll cum for you and then you’ll cum for me.”

Your voice hitches, “.... fuck, Beomgyu.”

The ache had built into a pressure that frustrated him. His hand rests over his hard-on.

“ ___,” He groans, “Say my name like that again.”

You do and it’s as pretty as it was when he was inside you that night.

He needed to stop before he ran over to your apartment and begged to fuck you for real.

Besides, was this real or was it still fake?

“Who’s obsessed with who now?” You laugh, voice still sounding tight.

Beomgyu bites down on his smile. “Then I guess you don’t need to hear me say your name. Do you, ‘heart?”

“Aww what if I beg?”

“You don’t ever have to beg, ___.” He drags his tone.

You breathe hard over the phone. 

He drags his teeth over his bottom lip, his hips move once against his hand. “Want to tell me what you’re doing, ___?”

“I–” You say in a breath, “N-nothing.”

“Nothing?” When you sound like that?

“Nothing.” You emphasize, your voice breaking through a little stronger.

Were you embarrassed?

“Then I’m doing nothing, too.” He chuckles.

You laugh a little on the other end before gasping. He can hear you fumbling on the other end, the rustle of fabric and the small creak of your mattress. 

“Don’t open the door! Oh my god.” You’re talking to someone else.

Beomgyu lifts his eyebrow, wondering what’s happening. Had you been caught doing exactly what he assumed?

“You alright, sweetheart?”

Your voice travels closer to the phone as you catch your breath from your scare. “Soobin.” you explain.

He feels the panic as well.

“Mmm. Well, sounds like you have to go.”

“Yeah…” Your voice trails, sounding a little disappointed. It tugs on his heart. “Don’t you have an early surgery tomorrow?” You ask him.

“Mmm… I do.”

He’s flattered you’ve been looking at his schedule. 

“Good luck.” You sound genuine.

Beomgyu’s lip twitches into a smile before falling.

“___?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for pretending.”

You were silent for a few seconds. “You’re welcome.”

Beomgyu’s phone slips from his hands and slides to the floor. 

He stares up at the ceiling for a few minutes.

Then, he buries his face into his hands and groans. 

Fuck!

PREV | NEXT

Beginning | Masterlist

Pt. V Coming Soon

Taglist: @whoisgami, @seungminnieinthebuilding, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @soobinz-wife @lovegyuuuu @bamgeutori @poisonouschristmastree @haede-shi @tsookies @nanilis @reiofsuns2001 @bunniwords @hyuckxtagram @bamgyt @mkthjkrs @berriesandcigs @fairfootedflekk

Ari, who was gawking from beside you, jerks her head your way after hearing the nonsense that tumbled out of your mouth.

“Forget it. What are you doing here?”

The corner of his lip twitches. “Wanna know?”

If he says the obvious, you were going to wrap your hands around his neck (or your own).

He leans down by your ear.

“Making your life hell, Duh.”

You turn to face him, finding him close enough that you can see the uneven texture of his skin.

His eyes drop down to your lips for a moment, and a sneaky remembrance of what you two did on Taehyun’s wedding night resurfaces. You worked so hard to bury that memory only for your lips to tingle in betrayal.

Beomgyu breaks the stillness by biting the space between you, making you jerk your face away.

With a throaty chuckle, he turns to walk away. He greets Ari briefly with a nod and smirk before heading toward labor and delivery.

You scoff with a huge eyeroll. “If he misses home that much, he should just go back!”

By the way Ari’s eyes are following him, she doesn’t seem to agree.

You owed Ari – and about five other nurses – an explanation for the spectacle they just witnessed. While you were able to brush off the nurses with a promise to catch them during one of your breaks, you knew Ari wouldn’t be satisfied with hearing an abridged version over lunch (besides, you promised your lunch hour to Jaeil). Instead, she settled on a sleepover after work, giving you more time to think about what you were and weren’t going to tell her.

Now wasn’t the time to think about it, though. Your patient, Park Naeun, was sixteen hours deep into labor. She wasn’t fully dilated, and her baby’s heart rate was dropping. Your eyes were glued to the monitor.

Seven minutes before it was going to turn into an emergency c-section.

You chew on your lip, eyes landing on Beomgyu who pushed the hair away from his forehead with his sleeve before calling for one of the nurses to assist him. The two of them collided as they rushed to his side. Were they equally concerned and eager to help or just excited to be next to him? You roll your eyes before you can stop yourself. If Naeun or her husband caught you, you wouldn’t blame them for hitting you with the nearest thing by them.

“Please, I’m so tired! Is he there?!” She cries as she lays on her back to catch her breath. Her husband holds her hand tightly, looking over your way.

“Is the baby okay? Are they going to be okay?” He asks, wiping away the sweat on her forehead.

You quickly glance at the monitor. Her contractions were too intense, while she had the epidural and probably couldn’t feel them anymore, her baby was being impacted.

You try to control the alarm you felt, eyes falling onto Beomgyu.

Do something, please.

“Everything’s okay,” Beomgyu reassures them, voice calm and controlled. “The baby’s here.” He hurries one of the nurses, Mina, for the vacuum with a waddle of his finger where Naeun and her husband can’t see.  Ari leaves the warmer to help them find it.

Naeun takes shallower breaths, her body continuing to quiver from the epidural. You watch the baby’s heart rate take a dip and your stomach twists.

“89 bpm and falling,” You call, breathless. You adjust your mask, not wanting it to fall and reveal your expression.

Beomgyu rolls his shoulders back. “One last push, and I promise you can hold him.” His gentle voice fills the room.

Naeun holds onto the bed rail and does her best to gather all her energy for another push. Catching the baby, Beomgyu waits for Mina to cut the umbilical cord. He stands and you make your way over to him, heart in your throat. His eyes travel from the baby up to yours, and you understand.

The baby isn’t making a sound.

You take the baby into your hands and take him over to the warmer where Ari waits.

Naeun and her husband watch you with fear in their eyes. “What’s going on? Someone please tell me… is my baby okay?” She cries while her husband tries to soothe her, the nurses attend to her as well.

“He just needs to be cleared up.” Beomgyu explains, returning to his position to care for Naeun.

With Ari’s assistance, you suction the baby and provide oxygen through the mask. Ari reads the heart rate out loud and when it dips too low, you begin the chest compressions.

He’s alive. He just needs to take a breath. Come on, little one.

After a few compressions, the baby lets out a loud cry, and he quickly gains color throughout his body. You let out a long, satisfied sigh through your nose.

Good job, baby.

Naeun sobs in relief and her husband thanks everyone in the room with a strained voice while his tears drip down his cheeks.

Picking up the baby in her arms,  Ari walks over to congratulate Naeun before helping her bare her chest for him to lay on.

You sneak a peek over at Beomgyu who is still, observing intently as the new parents hold their baby. His eyes, usually twinkling with mischief, were somber. Was he still worrying about the baby?

You couldn't tear your eyes from him. You weren't familiar with this Beomgyu. He didn't make stupid calls, act egotistically, or pick a fight with you like you thought he would have. During the entire delivery, he was committed to his work, keeping himself focused and composed under the huge, huge amount of pressure on his shoulders.

Finished with the stitches, Beomgyu takes off his gloves, surprising you when his eyes glance your way.

Your heart flutters as you dart your eyes away. Why did your heart just do that? You can't be that easy! What's next? You'll be asking the nurses if there's room for one more in their fan club? Unbelievable.

You let out a deep exhale, hoping that it alleviates the pressure inside of your chest. It doesn’t.

He stands, leaning toward Naeun to congratulate her before making his way toward the door, asking the nurses orders to grab the equipment for the sterile processing technicians.

For a moment, you think he's going to stop by you and make some kind of comment, but he continues to walk past without another glance. You hold your breath until he completely exits into the hallway.

Mina and the other nurse giggle about how handsome he is as they gather the equipment.

It’s pretty privilege. Choi Beomgyu can do anything and charm people.

And you're just another victim.

Shaking your head, you smile and walk over to congratulate the new family.

Your stomach growls as you stand by your locker, looking over your missed messages. Jaeil texted that he was sitting in the parking lot, waiting for your confirmation on which entrance to meet at.

As you wrap your scarf around your neck, you shoot him a quick reply that you preferred to have lunch outside of the hospital this time.

Despite working at a large hospital, gossip traveled faster than a virus could dream. You’ve never met Yuri in pharmacy, but you already know that she’s cheated on her boyfriend with three of the night-shift nurses. Her boyfriend eventually found out because one of his friends was hired as a security guard and caught wind of the gossip.

The last thing you needed was for everyone to hear about your awkward make up after a break up. You were highly respected in the department, an impressive achievement for only working one year at the hospital. Although everyone was really polite, you didn’t want to find out how different they would treat you after finding out that you were going through a potential breakup over your infertility.

It was only a matter of time before the entire department and more heard about the interaction between you and Beomgyu as well. You needed a way to contain the fire before it spread and returned to burn you. Now, the worst possible situation to run into at lunch? If someone overheard your conversation and it happened to be Choi Beomgyu.

Beomgyu knew of Jaeil. When you introduced Jaeil to your friends that unfortunately meant that Beomgyu was around.

Surprisingly, Beomgyu behaved himself around Jaeil. But that didn’t stop you from receiving his smirks and jumping eyebrows behind Jaeil’s back. During the span of you dating Jaeil (on and off), Beomgyu had run through at least 8-10 girlfriends. When he finds out you and Jaeil are still together, he probably will roll over in disbelief. And knowing him, he’d select the table right next to yours for perfect reception to your conversation. He wouldn’t even need a meal, feasting on your embarrassment. You could already hear him telling you to quit your job and pursue your true calling – being a nun.

Remember that faint ache you felt for him in the delivery room? Yeah, it was dissipating. The less time you spend near him, the better.

The universe must’ve thought that was a cute proclamation because as soon as you jogged down the atrium stairs, you bump into Beomgyu himself while turning at the landing.

He holds your arm as you balance yourself.

“Let’s try that again. This time just walk over to say hi like a regular person.”

You restrain yourself from facepalming. “My bad! You’re right – I should try that again.”

After going up a few stairs, you walk back down nonchalantly, only this time you attempt to walk right past him just as he did earlier. You, however, were unsuccessful, his arm wrapping around you to swing you back to him.

He did it so effortlessly with his strong arm pressed against you. The warmth of the contact sends tingles the rest of your body. Before letting you go, he eyes you up and down, stuffing his hand into his pocket. “Headed to lunch?”

“Yes. No. Maybe so. Anyways, gotta go.”

“Thanks, Dr. Seuss.” He manages to hook his finger into your pants loop as you take a step down the stairs, keeping you in place as he steps down with you. “Let’s have lunch together.”

“I-“ You mutter.

Ugh, why is he touching you?!

“I have a boyfriend...”

He throws his head back with a silent chuckle. “Sorry, I forgot having lunch means something different in your world.”

“I meant I have a boyfriend to meet.” You grind down on your bottom teeth. Why talk if he makes fun of everything you say?

He gasps teasingly, putting his hands together by his mouth. In an airy voice he says, “Congratulations.”

He’s ridiculous.

“Sorry I missed the announcement. Is there a link to the registry—"

You jabbed your elbow into his stomach to prevent him from saying anything more, as well as from any attempt to get closer to you. You don’t normally resort to violence in the workplace, but it doesn’t count anymore if you’ve left the department doors, right?

You take a few more steps away from him. Turning to face him when you’ve created a good enough distance.

“Enough. You’ve tormented me enough about that. I’m not in the mood to rehash it for shits and giggles. And I’m not the only one you know here. Go ask Soobin or something. Besides, we’re not friends, and I’m not interested in ever being friends.”

His cheek pinches in disdain, just like it always did when you said something he didn’t agree with. “No, I guess you made that very clear.”

You frown, narrowing your eyes at him. Was he being sarcastic?

Beomgyu continues to look deeply into your eyes as if looking right through your façade. “Sorry, why don’t you go down to your prince charming, hm?” With an eye roll, he heads up the stairs.

Don’t feel bad. Don’t feel bad. You merely pinched his skin while he’s been piercing through yours.

If anyone was standing around listening, they would think that you were the one being a real jerk. But they didn’t understand the baggage that you carried from Beomgyu’s bullying over the years. The memories stung deep. You were trying to move on, but not in the ‘let’s-make-amends’ way. Instead, you wanted to learn to co-exist as professionals. Nothing else.

You fix your hair, looking over your shoulder to make sure that Beomgyu wasn’t watching.

He wasn’t.

With a deep breath, you push open the door.

Your grateful for the cold gust of wind that brushes against your face, and grateful for the city sounds that distract you from the thoughts inside your head.

“So…” Jaeil breaks the silence while you both wait for the delivery of your burger and fries at The Downtowner. You pull yourself out of your thoughts to focus on your boyfriend. He cut his hair short, a bold choice for him, but it pairs well with his foxlike eyes. He fiddles with his glasses as if he wasn’t fully confident in his new look yet. Did he cut it right before meeting with you?

“I was afraid that you weren’t going to reach out.” He chuckles weakly.

He wasn’t wrong. You weren’t going to. Each time that you two separated, you’ve gotten back together because you were the one that caved in first. This time was different because you reached a point where you got tired of not sticking up for your feelings. The question left to be answered was whether Jaeil reflected on how he hurt you or if he simply just missed your company.

“Works been busy,” you twirl the soda straw around your finger. “But, truthfully, I wanted you to text me first.”

“Ohh…” He looks down at the table. “You were testing me?”

You shake your head. “Noo... nothing like that. I was upset. So, I was hoping that if you texted me first, it would be because you realized you hurt me.”

“Without telling me? H-how…?” His eyes shift around as if he’s perplexed how he could ever come to that conclusion unless you straight out told him.

Some things you should be able to tell…especially with someone you’ve been with for years.

You shrug your shoulders. “I mean don’t you think what you said was pretty cruel?”

Jaeil’s eyebrows shoot up. You’ll take that as a no.

You sigh, your shoulders dropping. “You know I’ve been praying for a miracle for us for a long time. Not being able to get pregnant? It’s something I haven’t fully accepted. Yeah, I’m frustrated, but not once did I take that out on you. It felt like you did, though, Jaeil. And I blame myself enough for you, me, and our families. When you said that, I thought ‘has he been thinking this too? This entire time?’”

Jaeil reaches over the table for your hand, you let him take it. It was his attempt to calm you down. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to– sorry, you’re right. It was blaming you. I should’ve chosen my words better. Because it’s not just you… I realize it’s us…”

Your voice weakens. “Us? I was just having a bad week, Jaeil. My job’s tough and I’m only human. Of course, I’m not making an excuse for unintentionally pushing you away…”

“You’ve been pushing me away much longer than a week… If I moved closer to you, you leaned away. If I tried to hold your hand, you’d make an excuse not to. If I tried to cuddle you, you’d pull away. What was I supposed to think when you didn’t even want to kiss me anymore?”

You begin to shake your head but stop to think back if there was some truth behind his claim.

You press your lips together because he was right. You were acting differently than you used to. When you first started your relationship, you were constantly showering him with kisses, hugs, any and all affection as if you wanted him to put you in his pocket and never let you go. But that was because you were making up for what you’ve never had. Now? Now you understood that you needed balance. It didn’t necessarily mean you loved him any less than when you first got together. Love is supposed to change like that, right?

“I just… needed some space.”

He tilts his head. “Well, you got it. Did it make a difference for you? Because I need to know how you feel about me now.”

Your heart pounds. This isn’t a breakup, this can’t be a break up.

“The same.” Hearing your voice come out raspy, you clear your throat.

“The same?” Looking down at your hands, he closes his eyes and sighs. “We can’t keep going on like this. Over and over, we keep splitting up over small disagreements. That’s not…how it should be? If we keep pushing each other away, whether with words or space, I feel like it’s only going to hurt our chances.”

Chances at…? A future or a family? Can’t there be a future without a family? Gulping the annoying lump in your throat away, you lift your eyes to connect with his. “Jaeil, have you ever thought about if we can’t ever have a baby?”

He licks his lips, squeezing your hand lightly.  “I haven’t given up hope.”

Not wanting the universe to hear you this time, you whisper, “But what if we can’t? Would we still be together?”

Jaeil blinks slowly, thinking it over or maybe carefully choosing what to say. His pause makes you hold your breath to the point of feeling lightheaded.

“I don’t know,___. My family would be heartbroken. What I know now is that I love you enough to get through this.”

He doesn’t know?! And he loves you enough?

Your heart drops a little, and while you don’t pull your hand away like you want to, you do loosen your hold.  

A tray comes between you two. “Order 46?”

You and Jaeil both scoot back from each other to make room for the burgers and fries. You quietly thank the worker before setting your food aside. Minutes ago you were ready to scarf down the burger, but now it could probably serve as leftovers for the week.

Not knowing how to continue the conversation, you shake your head. “I think we’re better off accepting it and learning how to move on.”

You look at Jaeil to see if he heard you, but he didn’t seem to have. He enjoys a fry before saying, “My mother said something about a really good in vitro doctor transferring to your hospital? She saw it in the newsletters they send out.”

Your blood runs cold.

“Um… yeah, he’s mainly around for labor and delivery. I don’t know if he’s still doing in vitro.” You scratch your nose. For some reason, you hold back that the doctor is Beomgyu. If Jaeil knew, he probably would think Beomgyu being the doctor would work out better in your favor.

He wipes his fingers with a napkin. You’re glad that at least one of you guys has an appetite.

“Would you be able to find out? Maybe we can try that?”

“I don’t know, Jaeil… I-it’s really invasive, I don’t know if I’m ready for it.” You shift in your seat, folding the tray liner over your food, ready to grab a box to put it in and dip.

“Please.” He tries to hold your eye contact. “Imagine if we can have a baby. My parents already promised me they’d help give us a huge wedding, even help build us a house.”

But only if we can have a baby, right…? You now know that’s the only way. Jaeil and you weren’t engaged, and you don’t think he was going to propose soon either. You guys spoke about getting married and creating an amazing future together, but lately it’s become more and more clear that it’s only going to be possible if you have a baby.

“I’ll try to ask him about it. No promises, he’s usually… uh, unavailable.”

You give him your best attempt at a smile before getting up to grab a to-go container.

Thinking back to your last conversation with Beomgyu, you throw your head back in shame.

Scratch that. He’s going to be extremely unavailable.

The bag with your leftovers bangs against your leg carelessly as you drag your feet down the hallway of your apartment. You didn’t want to go to work tomorrow. Just thinking about working next to Beomgyu induces a migraine. Maybe the universe will be on your side (ha!), and you’ll earn a couple of days of not seeing him at all? Oh, but there was the whole asking him about IVF deal. Now you needed to find someone else to ask because you burned the bridge between you two earlier.

A jingle of keys catches your attention, and you look up to see a tall figure at the neighboring door to your apartment. You narrow your eyes finely until Soobin comes to focus.

Soobin, who knew Beomgyu transferred and decided not to warn you.

You bite the first syllable of his name. No, if you shout now, he’s going to lock you out of his apartment. You need a different approach.

Plastering a smile on your face, you swing your arm as you stride over. “Hi, Soobin!”

At the sound of your bright tone, he jumps, dropping his keys. Lucky for him, he’s already opened his door.

“O-oh hey, __.” He turns into the apartment, bumping against the door and doorframe. You hadn’t made it yet, so you continued to act nonchalant.

“Hey! Got some leftovers from Downtowner, wanna share?”

“That’s okay,” He shakes a hand, now wedged between the doorframe and the door. “Think I’m going to shower and sleep.”

“Long day for you guys in labor and delivery?” You make it to his door, gripping onto it in case he decides to close it, not minding that the bag now hangs at your elbow.

“Erm…” His eyes are screaming in fear as they study yours. You tilt your head and raise an eyebrow, waiting.

“It was b-busy, yeah… I mean I don’t – I’m not sure since I never leave the ultrasound room.”

“Never?” You ask through your teeth and phony smile.

He winces, whispering, “… You found out, didn’t you?”

You drop your smile, taking a deep breath to let him have it, but Soobin acts fast and shoves you back.

‘Ah!” You shriek as you lose your grip on the door and stumble back. Soobin takes the chance to close his door, and you hear the click of the deadbolt.

“Soobin!” You smack the door, placing your ear on it. “Soobin, open the door right now!”

You don’t get a response, but you know that he’s just on the other side of the door waiting until you leave. You won’t.

“Soobs, if you don’t open the door, tomorrow the whole department will find out that you have an anime girl figure collection.”

“No, __, please. I’ll never live it down.” His muffled plead is heard through the door.

Pleased with yourself, you laugh through your nose. Half of it was also remembering that he had those figurines.

“Okie, well…” You trail off like you had no other choice but to humiliate him.

You hear the door unlock. Standing back, you wait until he comes out of his apartment. As he steps out, he groans.

Snatching him, you drag him over to your apartment.

“Please don’t hurt me.”

“Soobin, when have I ever?”

“You’re looking like you might this time! Please hear me out first-“

“Soob!!” Ari calls out as she emerges from around the corner with three boxes of pizza and a bag of breadsticks on top.

“Oh-” She frowns, a wrinkle between her eyebrows, confused with seeing your grip on Soobin’s arm while rushing to unlock your door. “Do I want to know?”

Your door swings open and you point at Soobin. “In!”

“Two against one? Cowards!” He points at you and then Ari as he backs up into the room. “Don’t forget that I can scream higher than you two can!”

“I’M the coward? Me?! Okay, Soob.” You roll your eyes at him, helping Ari with the boxes of pizza and placing it on the kitchen island.

You walk around and turn on the living room lamp, the soft warm glow overtaking the harsh white light from the buildings and billboards outside. It drove you crazy sometimes, but it was a price to pay to live in the city close to your hospital. With a huff, you jump onto the couch to turn the dial to close your blinds.

“No witnesses,” you tell Soobin as you hop off and head for the pizza that Ari has already helped herself to.

She drums her fingers against her mouth and shifts her eyes between the two of you. “Oooh this is going to be good, I just know it. What did you do, Soobin?”

Sounds come out of Soobin’s mouth, but he fails to begin a sentence.

“Actually, pause!” Her hands go up, and she looks at you. “Bitch, tell me what the fuck that was about with you and Dr. Choi first or I might combust. I’ve been waiting all DAY!” She lets out a tiny squeak, the anticipation eating her.

“Dr. Choi…?” Soobin leans against the bar stool. “Dr…?”

“Dr. you-know-who.” You snap, piercing him with your glare.

Ari gasps through her nose as she stretches the cheese from her pizza with her mouth. “You know him too?! Oh oh oh.” She laughs like a maniac, and you know it’s because she think she’s confirmed some wild theory about you and Beomgyu. “Is he your EX?!”

At the same time, Soobin asks, “Beomgyu?”

You pretend to hurl loudly as Ari does a lap in the living room.

“No.” You answer Ari when she comes back to the table, her eyes still wide.

Soobin snorts and shakes his head, telling her, “Worse.”

She makes a face like she ate something sour. “So, he’s not? Okay, so maybe it’ll make what I’ve stolen far less weird.”

Scooting her stool away from the island, she reaches into her tote bag and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper.

Okay, at least it wasn’t something like an entire box of hand sanitizer wipes like last time. And we’re talking about a box of 9 individual boxes. She flattens out the paper on the surface of the counter and flips it over. Both you and Soobin jump back when Beomgyu’s face greets you.

Soobin looks at her like she’s crazy. “No, that’s still weird and I-im scared. Why do you have that?”

“Why not? Jk. Everyone was going crazy for it in the break room and I kind of got fomo? I dunno.” She smiles like she’s stolen the Mona Lisa rather than an almost-out-of-ink printed photo. “He’s a little ripped because I pried him off Nora’s hands.”

“No problem. He’s going to be my new dart board anyway.” You lean into your palm and reach for a slice of pizza. “For the record, we didn’t date. We had a more special relationship.” Tilting your head back, you take a big bite of your favorite pizza – Chito’s pizza. You guys frequented so much that the Chito would put an excessive amount of cheese as a gift.

“They were our Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber.” Soobin whispers loudly to Ari.

“Excuse me?!” you mumble while chewing. News to you.

Soobin gains an appetite and picks up his own slice of pizza. “We loved you, we loved him, the best outcome would be if you got together, but we knew you two would be toxic together, get it?”

“Oh shit.” Ari teases, intrigued to know more. In true Ari fashion, she gets easily distracted, singing Justiiiin as she breaks into Beauty and the Beat. Soobin excitedly joins her, the two getting more hyped as they dance in their seats. You were jealous how the two of them could sing so flawlessly. As expected from two former choir kids.

You hide your smile, trying to remain serious. “So, exactly how long have you known he was transferring, Soobs?”

Soobin stills. “You’re not going to believe me, but I was surprised when he showed up at the hospital too. He reached out in May, I think? To check if I was still working here. Told me the director offered him a position, but he said he wasn’t sure about it. I overheard the director talking to administration saying he refused so I didn’t bring it up to anyone.”

Refused? What made him change his mind?

“Did they up his pay? I bet they offered him higher.”

He shrugged. “I mean… probably? All Gyu told me was he transferred over because he was doing more of what he wanted to do here.”

“What was he doing before?” Ari asks.

Soobin stands up and stretches while tossing his napkin in the garbage can. “I don’t think he was working at an actual hospital before. Now he works at one and gets his own office.”

You groan as you go to your cupboard for some glasses. Juice, energy, or wine?

“____, It won’t be that bad.” Soobin walks into the living room and throws himself onto the couch, selecting your Omar the Bear Squishmallow to hug from all your plushies on the couch.

“If he keeps it professional,” you grumble. You had settled on the Zinfandel, pouring it into the glasses and then offering it to each of them. “I don’t need him turning the workplace into uni all over again.”

Ari heads over to the couch, and you follow her. She lifts Soobin’s legs up to take the spot next to him, letting him put his legs back over her. You drag out the beanbag from the corner and fall into the well-loved seat, accidentally spilling a drop of the red wine onto your shirt. Better than the floor.

“Did you two ever…?” Ari asks you while sipping her glass.

“God no.”

“Really? Not even a little flirting? A crush? A right person wrong time?”

“Nope.”

Soobin squints as if trying to remember back. “Come on, ____. You expect me to believe you hated each other the whole time?”

“I don’t expect you to believe it.”

“Right, I don’t know about that.” He rolls his head over to his glass, his arm holding the glass as it rests over the couch headrest.

You dart your eyes at Soobin.

“There was that one time … actually, I shouldn’t say it.”

“What.” You and Ari say in sync.

Soobin is quiet for a while as he debates whether to tell you guys. Your heart beats rapidly in fear.

“Remember when we all got in the car and you had to sit on his lap?”

You raise an eyebrow. “Yeah…?”

You won’t forget it for various reasons. You were the last one to show up to the parking garage, needing to change out of your lab clothes. Being the only one with a car at that time, Taehyun volunteered to take you all to the outdoor theater just outside the city instead of everyone taking the bus. The problem was that there were six of you and only five seats.

Taehyun and Yunjin were seated at the front, while in the back sat Chaewon, Soobin, and Beomgyu. Since you were the last one that meant that you needed to go on someone’s lap. And for some reason, they all settled on it being Beomgyu?

Soobin wasn’t a choice because he had sprained his ankle climbing off his loft bed during the night. Though, you just needed to borrow his lap, so you didn’t know what his ankle had to do with it.

During this time, Beomgyu and Chaewon had decided to break up after giving their relationship a try for two weeks. Feeling gloomy, Beomgyu sat with his hoodie over his head and no juice to fight you. It made your tantrum look worse since you were the only one with a problem.

“Chaewon, sit on my lap!” She was lighter than you. If you sat on her lap, her legs would go numb.

“Get in the car, ____!” Yunjin smacked her arm behind Taehyun’s headrest as she emphasizes your name.  

“Please?” Taehyun added in softly.

“I’d rather-“

“We already bought your ticket.” Yunjin and Soobin said at the same time, Soobin’s head peeking from next to Beomgyu’s. Beomgyu just stared at you.

“-So don’t even. Think. About. It!” Yunjin screeched.

Pulling your skirt down, you shut your mouth and climbed onto Beomgyu’s lap, lips pressed into a tight line. Pulling it down didn’t help. You still felt his jeans against your skin but didn’t want to adjust yourself because then you’d be squirming in his lap.

As you closed the door, Beomgyu’s arm went around your waist. You stilled while he found a comfortable way to hold you. You turned to look at him, ready to be annoyed. He wasn’t paying attention to you. You don’t think he really knew what he was doing. With his airpods in, he stared out the window, looking so sad. Over a relationship of two weeks? Did he wear his heart on his sleeve? Unlike him, you took the high road and didn’t make any smart comments.

You remember looking down at you over his lap, his hand, his converse and your docs. It was a strange feeling, you didn’t want to understand.

Why was Soobin bringing it up now?

Soobin bites down on his giggle before making his finger go up. You almost spit out your wine.

Ari gasps, slapping his legs. “What?!”

You give him a look, setting down your glass. “No. Now I know you’re lying.” You would’ve felt it. Soobin’s just embellishing the story as he gets tipsier.

“Swear. I’ll leave out some details because It’ll make you mad, but I saw you guys. And he kept getting one the rest of the night.” Soobin swears to Ari, finishing his wine.

“What details…?” You feel your cheeks heat up, frowning deeply.

Soobin leans forward. “Not telling.”

“Tell me!” Ari begs him.

“His hand was rubbing her leg, and she was letting him.” He spills.

“Slut!” Ari shrieks ready to burn you at the stake.

“Soobin, shut up.” You can feel the warmth radiating off your face. You weren’t sure if it was because Soobin was saying it or if it was a real memory, but you recalled the moment Beomgyu’s hand moved to your thigh after Taehyun hit a curb. Instead of moving it back to your waist, he stroked your thigh with his thumb. His thumb reaching a little higher each time but never reaching under your skirt.

And you did let him.

Your chest rises and falls quickly, just as it did in that moment. Why did you let him?

“Then answer this.” Soobin sets the glass down and lays his head over the arm rest of the couch as he combs his fingers through his hair. “Where did you two disappear to during the wedding?”

You freeze. “I – we weren’t together. I went to the bathroom, the hell I know where he went.”

“Mhm, for an hour?” He twists the end of his hair. Ari crosses her logs on the couch, invested.

“I drank enough much!” You combined I drank enough and I drank too much.

Soobin narrows his eyes on you. “Tell the truth, ___.”

You bluff, grabbing a squishmallow that had fallen on the floor to place over your lap. “Nothing! Nothing happened. What do you think happened? Since you have such a creative imagination!”

“Something that doesn’t involve talking.”

“Whatever you want to think Soobin. I’m done.” You sink further into the beanbag, burning a hole at the painting of you and Jaeil on the wall.

He pivots his legs off the couch, shaking his head.

“Hmmm…” Ari twirls a strand of her hair around her finger. “Suspicious… but, we’ll drop it.”

Tell me when he leaves, she mouths quickly.

“Good. It was years ago anyway. Now, he has a girlfriend and I have Jaeil.”

“Beomgyu has a girlfriend?’ Soobin stands up and grabs the hem of his shirt as he lightly shakes it to cool his body down.

“Confirm for us.” Ari demands, taking over his spot on the couch. She lays over her arm and closes her eyes.

He hums in thought. “Now that you mention it, I think he’s seeing someone, but I don’t think they’re dating.”

Ari points to herself. “What I’m hearing is that I have a chance. If he’s not your ex, and you’re going to hate him anyway, I might as well date him.”

“Good luck,” you laugh dryly, “Just be warned, he’s a serial dater.” Womanizer.

“Don’t care. I just want to be one of his girls.” She sighs. “When’s the next hangout, Soob?”

Yeah, when’s the next hangout, Soobs? So I can schedule to work a back-to-back shift that day.

He yawns, heading toward the door. “I think Sakura said we should go to that festival? Downtown? With the adventure park?”

Ari holds up a thumbs up in the air. “Cool. I’ll be there. Make sure to invite Beomgyu, pleaaaaase. No plus ones.”

You don’t say anything, having no intention of being there. If Ari wanted to get involved with him, then so be it. After all, it won’t be long before she’s on your side.

Soobin salutes as he walks out.

Closing your eyes, you try to think about more pleasant things. But between this conversation, your lunch with Jaeil, and seeing Beomgyu there isn’t anything peaceful in the day that is worth revisiting.

A loud bang echoes in your apartment, followed by several knockings.

Ari jolts up while you don’t budge. “What is that?!”

“Soobin’s shower.” You mumble, drifting to sleep.

“I don’t think that’s normal.”

You open your eyes to see her scratching her head.

You try to drift back to sleep but Ari leans over the couch armrest to look down at you. “Ah-ah-ah… tell me about what really happened during that wedding.”

“Nothing happened.” She wasn’t going to buy that. “Okay, fine. Wanna know?”

She nods her head enthusiastically.

Your lips suddenly feel dry. You lick them before telling her, “The truth is that we got in a-an argument – worse than we’ve ever gotten before – and took it outside the reception. You know, to not ruin Taehyun’s wedding night? I didn’t want to tell Soobin because he had begged us to behave for just one night, and we couldn’t keep that promise. Sorry, not juicy?”

She smiles, but you can tell she’s disappointed. “No, I get it. What did you guys argue about?”

Threading your fingers through your hair, you try to continue to tell her the truth as much as possible. “Taehyun has a really pretty cousin, Eunah. And Beomgyu couldn’t help himself, he had to flirt with her – desperately, if I might add – and I kind of called him out. I would’ve stayed out of it, but Taehyun had asked them all not to do just that. It was only a few hours and Beomgyu thought with his dick rather than his mind. I caught him with her and went off on him when she ran off. I called him all kinds of names. He did too. Anyways, that’s all…”

She frowns. “Did he ever put his hands on you?”

“No,” your voice cracked. “It wasn’t ever… physical.”

“Good. ‘cause I don’t take that lightly.” She rests her head on the armrest and closes her eyes. “I’d kick his ass and get him fired.”

 “Y-yeah, thanks.”

You continue to stare at the ceiling as the room spins, and you swear you can hear how hard your blood is pumping through your body.

Because that was a lie.

It did turn physical.

Just not in the way she thought.

If one more person asked you about Beomgyu, you were going to give the hospital one more admission like you get commission from it. While you hadn’t run into him, his name still traveled around your department, haunting you, like a ghost of him.

He had become so popular in a matter of a few days at the hospital, you’d think he was the only guy in the entire building. The nosies (as you like to call the nosy nurses) all wanted to know how you knew Beomgyu. Were you a threat or an asset? They needed to know.

It became so annoying that you started to mess with them with your replies.

“How do I know him? Oh, we’re best friends. We hold hands and go skipping in the garden every day. Please join us next time.”

Tired from your rounds, you sit in your office and rest with your head in your hands. You hadn’t eaten all day, and the headache was screaming for you to find the time to hydrate and eat something.

Rest and some peace and quiet sounded way better.

Feeling a tap on your shoulder, you huff.

Layla, one of the sweetest nurses in the department, snaps back her hand as if you burned her with smoke out of your nose.

“Oh, Layla, I’m so sorry! I thought you were… someone else. Is everything okay?”

“Sorry, ___. Today’s been busy for you, and I know time is so scarce for you doctors. I shouldn’t have interrupted you. Here, I’ve brought you a small snack. Please enjoy it.” She sets down a cup of mixed fruit, gently patting the lid to make sure it stays in place.

She’s too sweet. You shake your head at yourself and give her a reassuring smile. “Thank you. I definitely need this. I’m getting crabby.”

You open the lid and pick out a strawberry to eat. When the sweetness burst in your mouth, you sunk in your chair with gratefulness. Holding up the container to Layla, you offer her to share with you.

She plays with the ring on her finger and shakes her hand. “Thank you. I grabbed one for myself earlier. I actually was hoping to ask you a personal question?”

You set the cup down and fold your hands on your lap. “Anything! Go ahead.”

“You’re close with Dr. Choi Beomgyu, right?”

If you were a balloon, you’d deflate.

“Actually…” You start, but you notice something about her expression. Layla is happily married, and she wouldn’t be the type who would become infatuated by a pretty face. She was asking for a real reason.

“We’re… close.” You work about a few meters away from each other, so no lies were told.

She releases a sigh and has a seat in the chair next to you. “Do you know if he’s seeing patients that are staff? For in vitro?” She whispers In Vitro as if it’s a secret underground procedure. “I’m too embarrassed to go over and ask. Dr. Im Nayeon also works there, and you know how she is. Everyone might end up hearing and… Well, I guess they would one way or another, huh? Well, Mrk and I have been trying without any luck, and we’ve decided this would be our next option. It’s cheaper if we can get this done at the hospital.”

Your heart hurts hearing that Layla is also struggling. She loves Mark with her whole entire being. You’ve met Mark and he’s also a great guy. They would be the most caring parents in the world. She’s practically the mother of this department.

Now probably wasn’t the time to tell her haha, just kidding. We actually aren’t even friends and after our last conversation, he’d probably stomp on me like a cockroach.

“U-um,” your voice quavers with the zero confidence you have. “I’ll try my best… to catch him today.”

She surprises you with a giant hug. You nearly choke with how hard her collarbone is crushed against your neck.

After she leaves, you sit in your chair and try to think about what options you have.

Option 1: Swallow your pride and apologize.

Option 2: Be a professional and just demand the information as you would for any other patient.

Option 3: Offer a 2-for-1 deal. He gives you this one favor and you’ll grant him two.

You go with the second option where you have less to lose.

Scanning your badge, you enter labor and delivery. The air shifts as soon as you step inside. Several staff give you the nastiest eye. Either they are still overhearing rumors about the two of you or Beomgyu told them about what you last said to him. The latter is very likely.

Greeting them with a silent hello, you walk over to his office. He wasn’t inside. There was a chance that he was delivering a baby.

You move away before anyone catches you (if they did, you’d say you were delivering something to Soobin). You head over to the breakroom to see if you can find something to hold to make your story more convincin

Right as you step into the break room, your whole body feels as if you stepped off the ledge into cold waters upon seeing him.

He’s sipping on iced coffee while leaning against the counter, listening to Dr. Im Nayeon, who has a matching iced coffee in her hands. Your eyes shift between the cups to double-check they’re from the same place. Did they go together?

Despite being married, she keeps putting her hand on his arm while giggling at whatever Beomgyu was replying to her.

Uh, HR?!

They were so busy looking at each other, they didn’t notice you. You also didn’t give them much time too, making sure that you stepped out as quickly as you stepped in.

Nayeon of all people?! That would make sense, actually. They’re two people that hate you.

Meditating in your head, you walk lazily back down the hallway. There was nothing in your hand so if anyone stopped you, your only excuse now was to say you needed to poop and had to use the bathroom away from your department.

Someone brushes past you, leaving behind the scent of clean linen and lemongrass. Your eyes lift up from the ground to see Beomgyu has walked past, turning into his office with his hands in his lab coat.

You tap your arm. There’s no way he didn’t know it was you.

Do you suck up your pride and walk back in there or do you go disappoint Layla?

Gathering the energy from all the witches behind their desks, you lift your chin up and walk over to his office.

Beomgyu’s scrolling through his computer, so focused he doesn’t move or acknowledge you in the doorway. Tilting your head, you lightly knock the back of your knuckles on the doorframe.

He doesn’t look up.

Oh, okay, so he is ignoring you. It wasn’t just your imagination.

Your confidence starts to leave you. Well, don’t you look like a fool.

“Dr. Choi.”

He halts his typing to briefly glance up at you. He shifts in his chair, leaning toward his opposite hand and using his finger as an anchor to hold his cheek as he returns his gaze to his monitor.

“Do you need me for something, Dr. __?”

Gulping down the nerves, you nod. “I do.”

He wheels away from his computer and folds his hands on his lap. No smile.

“Regarding IVF…”

He tilts his head, waiting with the same expression that reads I’m only listening to you because it’s my job.

“…I have this friend…” You hate how you stutter the sentence out, the confidence tank reaching empty.

“Glad you’re making friends considering how full your list is.”

“…actually, a patient of mine has some questions about IVF." you bulldoze over him, not letting his sly remark (deserved) get to you.

“What kind of questions?”

“About the process and if it’s right for her.”

Beomgyus eyebrows knit together. “I would advise against it.”

“W-why?”

“Your patients just gave birth and have a baby in the NICU. They’re asking about IVF?”

“Not to make you feel like a jerk or anything, but some of my patients have had their baby in the nursery for months. How soon they want to have a baby is none of our business, but them not being able to have a baby is our business.”

Wow. How did you come up with that so fast?

Beomgyu drops his intense gaze, taking a moment to himself.

“’Kay. What room are they in? I can go talk to them.” He sits up, logging out of his computer.

“No!” You stop him as he was about to get up. He squints his eyes at you.

“I- they’re not comfortable with a male doctor. I told them that I would get them the information.”

“You’re doing such an amazing job.”

You almost pounce on him. You touch your lab coat to remind yourself how hard you bled, sweat, and cried for it that it’s not worth losing your license over a few punches.

“I’ll send Dr. Im, then.” He offers.

Nayeon?! Has she completed her fellowship in REI? Are they working together now? An unsettling feeling sets over your stomach, making you nauseous. Layla’s right, if Nayeon finds out something, then the entire hospital will find out. If you don’t tell them the patient is Layla, then you’ll have to cover for her. That means confessing there’s no patient or saying it’s you. And if you say there’s no patient, they will assume it’s you anyway.

But aren’t you curious, too?

“Forget. I’ll just take these.” You grumble as you snag pamphlets off his wall. What did you expect? Talking to him was always hopeless. Stuffing half of them into your lab coat, you walk off.

The nosies give you pity glances. Yeah, looking around desperately for Beomgyu and then walking out of his office disappointed probably doesn’t look so good for you.

Well, fuck.

You push through the doors and shake your head. At least you got the information for Layla (and yourself). Though, you couldn’t go through with IVF at your hospital. Not when your two biggest haters wouldn’t have your best interest at heart.

You open up the top pamphlet and take a look. The cover has a pregnant lady smiling from ear to ear.

This isn’t going to be you, anyway.

Flipping to the next page, you skim-read about the process. You don’t hear the footsteps behind you. Beomgyu’s “Hey” causes you to startle. The pamphlets fly from your hand and scatter all over the ground.

“Shit.” You bend down and gather them all together. “What?!” You snap his way.

He bends down and helps pick up one, holding it out for you.

You snatch it from his hand and stand up. He follows, his face unreadable. It causes your stomach to feel uneasy again.

You lower your gaze.

“Have your client write down all her questions. I’ll swing by your office before you leave to answer them. Deal?”

You furrow your brows. Bending his head down, he catches your expression. A corner of his lip curls up, and his eyes smile for him.

You feel your irritation melt away. Why is he doing this?

Sucking in your breath, you agree, giving him a gentle push on his chest. “T-thanks.”

He purses his lips pridefully, looking smug because he’s got the upper hand from accepting your unsaid truce and for the favor you probably will owe him.

“This isn’t going to be free, is it?”

He scrunches his nose with a wide grin. “You know me so well.”

Before turning away, he flicks the tip of your nose with the side of his finger.

Ugh, Option 3 it is then.

Nervously looking at the time, you realize you were going to miss catching Layla to ask about her specific questions. You were finishing up your last round with a family who was taking their baby home.

With a smile, you watch as Ari checks the car seat to make sure the baby is strapped in correctly. She gives them the okay and the dad cheerfully carries him toward the exit.

The mom thanks you and Ari with a hug.

“Thank you, girls. You guys are phenomenal. You must have kids of your own.” She means that as a compliment, so you don’t let your mind consider it as anything otherwise.

‘Not yet…” You say with a hopeful smile. Ari glances at you with one of her own.

‘Bless you.” The mother gently rubs your arm before waving goodbye and thanking all the staff she sees along her way out.

You keep the smile, waving to Ari before heading over to your office.

Beomgyu wasn’t in there. In a few minutes, you were going to leave whether he came or not. Should I have even trusted in him?

Taking a seat, you grab one of your small notebooks and try to think of what questions you would ask or research.

While twisting the end of your hair, you came up with a couple such as What if you didn’t freeze any of your eggs? What if you have no eggs left? Could you have a busy schedule like you do now?

Could you go through with this?

Your heart speeds up. Definitely not with Beomgyu.

He’d learn all the horror about your body and he’d get a front row view of your vagina. You chew on your lip thinking about how he’s seen millions by now and he would 100% point out every flaw yours had.

‘Is this the list?”

He has one hand on the back of your computer chair and the other resting on the desk as he leans over to read it. When his voice hits you, you snap back against him, startled.

He laughs. “That would be a valid reaction if you were the only one that works here.”

“Jerk.” You relax once your mind understands that it’s just Beomgyu and not some psycho. Though sometimes there’s a fine line between the two.

He turns his attention to the list and eyes the pen in your hand. Was it obvious you were the one brainstorming them?

“Just trying to remember all of her questions…”

“Okay.” He reaches for the other computer chair and rolls closer to you, until your knees bump into one another.

You take a deep breath, grabbing the list to put on a clipboard. You turn to give it to him but find him carefully studying you.

When you glance his way, his eyes drift up from somewhere else in your face to your eyes.

You hate how his eyes aren’t leaving your face.

Womanizer. Womanizer. Womanizer.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask.

“Like what, ___? Do we need to admit you today?”

You snort. “I don’t know it just feels like – Forget it.”

“It’s just professionalism, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me sweetheart. I’m your colleague.”

“You’re right, there’s nothing sweet about you. Should I switch to cocopuffs?”

You frown, confused.

“Cause your acting cuckoo. Gimme the list.” He takes it from you and studies it.

It’s your turn to watch him now. His soft hair is a little messy, like he’s been running his hands through it all day. Which makes sense as a doctor. The ends of his hair falling over his eyes. Can he see through them just fine? Or is it time for a haircut? He didn’t need one, longer hair suits him.

The more you stare at him, the more jealous you become. Because Beomgyu is pretty. Not “pretty for a boy”, but “pretty”. You think about how Jaeil compares. Jaeil is handsome but in a more sporty, rugged way. Not in the Can I write poetry for you? way. You guess it makes sense for the kind of history Beomgyu has. If you caught everyone’s attention, would you also shop around before settling?

Have you settled?

“How much do you understand the process?” He asks, and you blink back into focus. Hopefully, he didn’t catch you staring.

Clearing your throat, you tell him everything that you know about IVF, including parts that you researched or learned about in med school.

“If she doesn’t have any frozen, that isn’t an issue. Do frozen ones sometimes work better? Not necessarily, they’re more fragile. In her case, we’re going to give her medication to stimulate her ovaries. Hopefully, we find multiple eggs to retrieve.”

“Is it painful?”

“A Pap smear is painful. This is going to be more painful, yeah. But she can be sedated. It’ll take maybe 20? 30? Minutes.  Her husband will need to be present to take her home while she recovers.”

“She’s not married.” You blurt out. You weren’t talking about Layla anymore.

“Hm?” Beomgyu blinks twice.

“You just assumed she was married, not everyone is married.”

“Are you just going to nitpick what I’m saying or are you going to actually listen.”

“Sorry, you’re right. How long until you know if any of the eggs would work?” You ask.

He taps the pen against his lips. You take a mental note to never chew on it like you usually do as a bad habit. “The eggs will be fertilized that same day, so we won’t have much time before we need to transfer the embryo. There’s the option to freeze them, but it won’t be cheap.”

“Noted. And then?”

He sighs, dropping the pen. “Then we hope it works. It may be the first of many cycles.”

Your face falls. “Many cycles… and the beginning of it would be…. The shots again?”

Feeling a ghost of a pinch in your lower abdomen, you flinch. He nods, looking at how you’re playing with your hands.

“Don’t worry, it’s a small, thin needle.”

“In the stomach?” You point to where it'd go.

Beomgyu leans in closer. “Right about here.” He gently lifts your shirt to run a finger over where you’d be injecting yourself.

Your breath hitches. He gently rubs his thumb over the soft sensitive skin, the warmth of his touch spreading like a wave. No—it was more like a jolt, triggering the memory of the wedding night when, mid argument, his lips had crashed into yours, after you had taunted him.

You had protested in his mouth, changing your mind. But as soon as you tasted him, your mind shut off, and your body reacted. Your hand slipped into his button-down, while his slipped up your dress.

You gulp and narrow your eyes. “I know where the stomach is.”

“Of course you do, Doctor.” He gives you a lazy grin like he knows how he just messed with you. His eyes shift to the fruit cup on your desk, his smile faltering.

“Boyfriend?”

“No, a patient.” You breathe.

“I’m curious. Where did Mr. Prince Charming take you yesterday?” Again, he gives you a confusing look. His eyelids have dropped a little, but his stare remains intense. It makes the hair on the back of your neck stand.

“None of your business.” You narrow your eyes at him, trying to fight back his stare.

He snorts lightly. “I’m starting to think he isn’t real.”

“I don’t care what you think.”

“Really?” He gives you a look that tells you he doesn’t believe you. “Then, why won’t you tell me where you went for lunch? Are you ashamed? Was it The Downtowner?”

You bite down hard on your lip. “There’s nothing wrong with The Downtowner.”

He grins, proud that he got it right. “I would’ve expected a whole sit-down restaurant with lobster and butter.”

You scoff. “In an hour? Is that what you would do?”

“No, I hate seafood. But I’d find something else to do with that hour.”

You tilt your head, your eyebrows knitting together.  

A sly smile spreads across his face and only then do you get it. Your eyes widen.

“Beomgyu!” You look around to see if anyone else is overhearing this conversation.

He chuckles, reaching over to steal a grape. “Don’t think anyone would be as bothered as you, if they heard.”

“Let’s ask HR, why don’t we?”

He tilts his head. “And what are you going to say? Choi Beomgyu is making effective use of his time?”

“You always are, huh.” Like every moment before lecture.

He beams. “You would know.”

He holds your gaze for a couple of beats.

“Excuse me?” You question him.

Is he also referring to his pre-lecture makeouts… or…?

“Please, I know how much you remember Anatomy.” He pokes your nose, and you swat his hand away, trying to prevent your cheeks from flushing.

Right, he wouldn't remember anything else, would he?

“Quit it. Why are you always touching me.”

He stares at you for a second before a mischievous gleam twinkles in his eyes. “Ooh. I’ve figured it out.”

You didn’t like the way he was lighting up. It was like he finally discovered you had buttons that he could easily press to get the exact reaction he wanted from you.

He chuckles internally as he shakes his head.

“What?”

“This is too intimate for you, huh? That’s why you’re uncomfortable?”

He sits up to lean closer into your space. You lean back.

“So, you acknowledge I’m uncomfortable, great.”

He tilts his head back with a groan. “Blahblahblah. It’s different with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Not everything has to have a meaning.” He stands up, heading toward the exit. “I’m leaving before you berate me some more.”

He goes for an orange slice and upon noticing it’s the last fruit in the cup, you spin in your chair for it. “Hey, that’s mine!”

“Take it.” He holds it from his mouth.

If he thinks for one second you weren’t going to get it from him, he was wrong. You yank half of it out of his mouth, and he laughs as he eats his half.

“Good girl.”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“Careful, HR might hear you.” He winks, biting down on his tongue as he turns out into the hall.

Unbelievable.

Your peaceful days at work were officially over.

PREV | NEXT

Beginning | Masterlist

Taglist: @whoisgami, @seungminnieinthebuilding, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @soobinz-wife

Jaeil clasped his hands together, taking a deep breath. “Remind me, whose ring was in your bathroom? Spoiler alert,  I already know the answer.”

You set your keys down on the counter, feeling a wave of nausea. You weren’t sure how he found out, but you knew it wasn’t going to be easy to explain yourself now. “It’s-”

“Beomgyu’s.” He answered while keeping your attention captive. Your eyelashes fluttered at the mention of his name.

You approached him slowly, your bag falling from your shoulder. “Let me explain, Jaeil.”

He stretched his hand out to stop you from coming closer.

“Okay.” Jaeil nodded. “Humor me.”

Your heart pounded hard against your chest to the point of aching. This isn’t the big deal that he thinks it is.

“It’s Beomgyu’s. You’re right. He’s staying with Soobin. But Soobin’s shower did break and they had no other choice but to use mine. When you asked, I-I thought - I didn’t know for sure if the ring was Soobin’s or…” Your voice caught in your throat.

He narrowed his eyes.

“So why not tell me all that from the start? For some reason, you didn’t mention Beomgyu at all. Not even bringing up that he was in town... Why?”

You dug your nails into your coat sleeve. You hadn’t bothered to mention Beomgyu at all because that’s how unimportant it was, not because you were hiding something. 

Was Jaeil suspecting that you were cheating on him with Beomgyu? 

That’s probably what it would have looked like if you had walked out of the bathroom with Beomgyu that day. No amount of explaining would ever convince him then. 

Though, you were the one who had put yourself into that situation. Why did you push Beomgyu into the bathroom in the first place? 

“I only found out because I saw him yesterday and he didn’t seem like he wanted to see me.”

You let out a short laugh. “Jaeil, you know that we aren’t exactly friends.”

He shook his head slowly before looking down at his hands. “You guys are friends, ___.”

Your eyebrow twitched. He’s wrong. You despise Beomgyu. He’s even seen the way you two fought every time you were together. Jaeil’s listened to you rant his ear off about him. How can he say that you two were friends that whole time? How is he changing the facts of the past to fit his narrative now? Over one ring?

“And I thought he was my friend, too. Yet, things feel different.” Jaeil shifts on the couch, his eyes still set on you with the steady look of betrayal. “I looked him up. Probably wrong of me to do without talking to you first. Sorry. But I had a feeling that you were never going to tell me everything.”

Swallowing hard, you looked away from his face. You already knew what he would bring up next. If you were to type Beomgyu’s name in the search engine, articles would flood the page.

“Know what I found? That he’s led infertility clinic trials…  researched heavily in vitro…”

You jerked your head his way. “Yes, but-” 

“And you never thought to tell me?”

“Because Beomgyu and I don’t-”

“Even when it could’ve helped us?!”

“Yes!”

“Why?” Jaeil’s voice cracked.

“Because I’m too prideful!” The tears welled up in your eyes, your anger bubbling. “Because it’s always about who is better between the two of us. How could I go to him for help, Jaeil? It would just be another thing he has over me!”

Jaeil snapped his eyes up at you. “What’s the other thing?”

“What?!”

“You said it would be another thing to have over you. What’s the other?”

Your mouth became dry. “That he’s the better doctor,” you lied.

“So? So what if he is?”

You clench your jaw.

“We’re looking for a better doctor, ___. We’ve been praying for a miracle, feeling lost and helpless…. And you don’t think this is the answer? Someone close to you has become the best doctor in this country and now works at a fertility clinic at your hospital - found that out too by the way - and you turn a blind eye… because of your pride?”

You shut your eyes. Saying it out loud highlighted how selfish and childish you were being. But Jaeil could never understand how much more complicated it was between you and Beomgyu. You didn’t even fully understand it yourself.

Jaeil sighed. “It’s more than your pride, __.  You just don’t want him to know.”

“Jaeil-”

“No. Sorry. I can’t have you convince me out of what I’ve come here to say, ___. In the end, you don’t want this as much as I do. Sex hasn’t been the same, kissing hasn’t been the same, even talking hasn’t been the same… honestly, I feel like you’d rather be stuck at work than see me.”

Would he just let you talk?

Your heart’s no longer firing off in your chest. It’s dropped to the pit of your stomach. 

He continued, “You can’t even be honest with me. Sure, you’ve always been guarded in some way, and I used to be okay with it. Lately, it’s only become frustrating to me. I’m not faulting you in any way. I’m trying to point out that I’ve changed as well. 

I’ve tried to think about why it’s bothering me a lot more now and came to the conclusion that I’m looking for excuses to break up with you so I can leave. That’s not fair to you. But I know that you’ve noticed too. Our love has changed.  We’re not in love anymore, we’re just scared to let go. Maybe it’s a good thing we couldn’t have a baby together after all.”

All the air rushed out of you and you’re only able to muster a hum of a response.

“Please say something.” He pleaded. 

You took another deep exhale. 

Nope, you couldn’t get a word out, not without crying. 

Fights with Jaeil were always like this. 

Only when he was gone would you have a list of things that you should’ve said. However, this time, you wouldn’t get the chance to tell him what they were because there wasn’t going to be another conversation between the two of you.

It’s over.

The worst part was that everyone around you already knew. If Beomgyu had picked up on it years ago, then surely the others did as well. Beomgyu was just the only one that wasn’t afraid to tell you. 

Fuck.

You chewed on your lip, peeling a piece and tasting the blood.

Jaeil stood up and walked closer to you.

You wanted to step away, but your body was too tense to move. 

Jaeil tried to meet your eyes. “I wish you the best, ___”

You nodded once. 

Accepting that you weren’t going to look or talk to him, he leaned in to press one last kiss to your temple while slipping his key to your apartment in your hand. 

After he left, you stayed rooted in your spot for a few minutes, trying to untangle all the emotions grabbing at your heart and throat. You were seconds away from exploding and crumbling onto the floor if you weren’t careful.

You combed your hair away from your face before leaning your elbows on the counter to bury your face into your hands. 

Why did you feel more angry than upset?

Even if Jaeil walked back through those doors and took back everything that he said, you wouldn’t want to get back together. 

But why isn’t the relief enough?

You laugh into your hands, the tears stinging your eyes. 

No, this is fear.

You tried so hard to make this relationship work because Jaeil knew all the bad sides of you. He loved you enough. Not in the way you wanted, but enough to make you content. Nobody is going to want someone as broken as you.

Now you have to start all over.

And were you going to waste the prettiest years of your life if you chose wrong again?

Why couldn’t you be happy with being alone? Why did you crave love and a family like a hopeless romantic?

You buried yourself into your arms and tried not to drown in the thoughts.

Pushing yourself up, you rubbed your eyes and walked over to open the cabinet near the fridge where you kept the wine. 

After struggling to remove the foil and find the corkscrew, you were about ready to just try your luck at smacking the finish of the bottle on the counter. Fortunately for the bottle, you found the corkscrew hanging out on one of the shelves of your cabinet.

The first glass you drank in deep swallows, while the second you sipped more tastefully. By the time you had your third, you were feeling warm all over. How many more until you fell asleep and woke up in a different timeline?

When Beomgyu texted you to cash in on his favor by being his girlfriend, you laughed bitterly. You were just broken up for being a bad one, did you even know how to play a good one anymore? 

Your intention was to fuck with Beomgyu, find some entertainment before bed.

However, hearing his voice over the phone added another layer to your buzz. 

You thought that hearing him would spike your blood, but instead the softness was comforting you. And then you started to miss him. How could you miss someone that you saw that day? Someone that you disliked to the core? 

Maybe because you were missing a specific version of him.

With the way he was sweet talking, his voice low and thick, your mind preferred to sink into the fantasy.

If only he never touched you. 

Closing your eyes, you let your hands feel down your body while he spoke to you and called you pet names. A shiver traveled down your body as you accepted that Jaeil never touched you the way Beomgyu did. You parted your lips, wishing that Beomgyu’s warm mouth could fall over yours, spilling the words straight to your mouth. 

You sighed happily, imagining his body over yours. You’d kiss him hard while your hands roamed down his arms, down his toned stomach. And he’d flex his stomach as you got dangerously close to his cock.

Over the phone, his breathing sounded similar to yours. You wondered if he was just as affected with the way you talked back to him. 

You called for him while you slipped your hand between your legs. If he wanted to hear you say his name, you wanted him to hear it while you relieved yourself. 

Even if it would be short-lived, what if you did fuck around with Beomgyu? 

Let him fuck you senseless so you didn’t have to grieve the breakup? Just for a few nights until you didn’t feel lonely anymore and gathered the strength to look for someone else? This was sounding like one of the best ideas you’ve ever had! 

Before you could share your brilliant idea with Beomgyu, you heard your apartment door shut, followed by Soobin calling for you. The fear of Soobin walking in on you was almost sobering. What did the trick was Beomgyu reminding you the conversation was all pretend.

After hanging up the phone, you stare up at the ceiling, trying to organize your thoughts.

You’re just horny. That’s all.

Dragging yourself out of your room, you find Soobin laying on the ground with his feet on the couch while he scrolled through his phone.

“Please don’t tell me you were masterbating.” He lays his phone down on his chest and eyes you up and down.

You turn pale while crossing your arms across your chest. “H-huh?”

“I’m joking.” He goes back to checking his phone. “Beomgyu scolded me for that the other day.” 

Your eyes widen. 

Sometimes Soobin was too much of an open book. 

“Okay?? I’m about to sleep, Soobs. Come over just to trauma dump?” You walk back to your kitchen, looking for something to snack on. Too lazy to prepare anything, you decide to just finish the wine bottle. 

Out of glasses, you pour it into a mug.

This should put you to sleep for sure.

He lets out an obnoxiously loud yawn before joining you at the island, playing with the fallen petals of the dead flowers. “No, I came to remind you about Winterfest tomorrow. Think everyone wants to come to our apartments afterwards too. I looked in your fridge and think we’re gonna need to plan to order something.”

You scoff, rocking back on your heels. “You looked in mmy…fridge?”

Soobin’s eyebrows wrinkle at the way you drag your words. “Are you drinking?”

“Duh?” You hold the mug up higher. 

Soobin walks over and fights to take it out of your grasp. “How could you! We could’ve used this tomorrow!”

“I’ll get more!” You shriek. It was one bottle, for god's sake.

After taking the mug into his hands, he uses it to have you follow him. “Unbelievebale. Want this? Then, come with me!”

You frown. “Where?”

“My apartment. I wanna change and go over this once.”

Huffing dramatically, you trail behind him, eyes on your mug. After stepping into the apartment, you connect eyes with Beomgyu on the couch. 

He’s resting over the armrest of the couch, an arm behind his head for support. He blinks in surprise while you walk in. As he tenses, his arm flexes, becoming much thicker.

You inhale so sharply, you choke on your saliva. Too soon.

“Soobs, can’t do this.” You whisper right behind him. 

With a click of his tongue, Soobin sets your mug down on his island and pushes you toward the couch with two hands against your back.

“Not dealing with you two today. Just get over yourselves for a few minutes. Goddamn.”

The room momentarily doubles in your vision, and before you know it, you're tumbling down to the ground in front of Beomgyu.

Soobin pulls down his eyelid and sticks his tongue out as he walks to his room.

You steady yourself for a moment before slowly turning to sit on your ass and leaning back against the coach while the room refocuses. You rest your head back and breathe slowly.

Beomgyu shifts on the couch. “Are you okay?” He hovers over to ask.

Is he referring to right now? The breakup? The phone call from earlier?

Guess it doesn’t matter, the answer is still no. 

You turn to look at him.

He’s hovering close from behind you. Your eyes feel a little heavy and weak to meet his strong gaze, so you settle on his lips. They look so pink and plump that if you were to kiss him, you’d probably bounce right off. You could settle for lightly tracing them with your finger.

Your eyes fall to his exposed neck and, lucky for you, his shirt hangs off his frame enough for you to get a sight of his chest. It’s mark free, but you could change that.

God, he’s beautiful.

Remembering to respond to him, you nod twice.

When you look at him again, you catch him looking at your lips, but he quickly fixes his eyes on yours.

It’s so quick that your eyelids flutter. Had you just imagined it?

“Did you and Jaeil really break up?” He asks, low so only you can hear him.

“Thousands of years ago now.” You respond. It was meant to remain a thought, but was said out loud.

He nods, leaning away. 

You turn your head to check the hallway for Soobin, surprised when Beomgyu’s hand splays on the side of your neck. You hold your breath as his thumb tilts your jaw his way, his lips falling over yours.

There’s a deep pull in your stomach when you feel the warmth of his lips. 

Your mind spins, your hands attempting to grip onto the carpet to ground you. When your lips slip from his, he picks them up again. And again and again. Both of you begin chasing each other’s mouths the second they’re not touching. You whimper with relief when they are. 

Beomgyu had no idea what he just started. 

You’re aching to be touched by him again. You were ready to crawl up into his lap to continue to explore him with your hands as well had he not been holding you in place. Reminding yourself to breathe, you catch your breath between the gaps of your desperate kisses.

God…

Right as his tongue meets yours, the door to Soobin’s room opens, forcing you both to pull apart mid-kiss, a strand of saliva breaking between you. 

You’re going to kill Soobin one day. 

You press your lips together to control your breathing, your breaths breaking as you try to remain quiet. 

Soobin looks between you and Beomgyu. You hope you don’t look as guilty (or horny) as you feel. 

Adjusting your position, you clear your throat. And from behind you, you hear Beomgyu lay back against the couch and grab the floppy couch pillow from next to him to cover his lap.

Soobin looks like he’s going to say something but then decides against it. Kicking the bean bag from against the wall, he slumps into it. 

“Ahh… You know, wasn’t today slow and quiet—”

Both you and Beomgyu groan. 

“You’ve jinxed us, Soobs.” 

“My surgery tomorrow suddenly got complicated.” Beomgyu agrees.

He discreetly plays with your hair, the tip of his finger gently touching the back of your neck. You hold back a shiver.

Soobin scoffs with a grin. “Wow, you guys are just looking for someone to blame. You work tomorrow?”

Beomgyu nods. “One surgery in the morning. I’ll have to meet up with everyone.”

Soobin shivers, reaching for the blanket on the other couch to wrap himself with. You snort when you see that it has a picture of all the guys’ faces on it, a gift for his birthday last year.

“Taehyun told me he was coming around four, depending if they find a sitter. Told him it was fine to bring Hana to Winterfest if they couldn’t. Don’t think anyone would mind.”

“We wouldn’t.” You’re quick to confirm with a smile. Hana is his adorable two-year old daughter. You would be more than happy to be responsible for her tomorrow.

Soobin chuckles while adjusting the blanket over him better. “I knew you wouldn’t.”

You yawn, feeling sleepy with the light brushes Beomgyu’s giving you. “Chae and Saki will probably carpool. Yunjin told me she’s going to take the train, so I can pick her up from the station.”

“The one on Galhyeon? Yeonjun said he’s going to be taking the train too. Easier from the airport. Check what time he’s arriving? Maybe you can pick him up too?”

You let out another yawn. “Okay.”

“Is Jaeil coming?” Soobin asks.

You look off to the side, tensing. “Um…Jaeil-”

Beomgyu lets go of your hair. “Kai said he’s texting you, but you aren’t answering.” He tells Soobin.

“Oh I forgot my phone in my room. Can you tell-”

“No.”

“But-”

“Go get it.” Beomgyu commanded, eyes serious.

Soobin sighs, getting up to get his phone from his room.

The second he leaves, Beomgyu bends down next to you and sweeps you in for another kiss. Your heart flutters as you melt into him, pulling him closer by his shirt.

He mumbles against your lips, “No more Jaeil, okay?”

“Okay,” you respond back, smiling with the way his lips tickle against yours. 

He smiles back, his finger lightly tilting your chin. “And I’ll pick up Yeonjun.”

“Okay.” You nod in a daze, wondering why the sudden change in plans.

He kisses you once more, and you inhale slowly feeling the pleasure inside you building. Beomgyu’s kisses taste of him with a subtle taste similar to peaches. You were thinking that you needed to pick up more peaches on your grocery trips. 

He pulls back while you are still mid-thought.

“Did you drink tonight?”

“A lottle…” You confess. A lot? A little? A bottle?

His eyes widen.

Before you can say anything else, Soobin walks in, making the two of you lean away from each other. 

Beomgyu gets up quickly to head into the kitchen as Soobin complains to him that Kai hadn’t even texted him. With a laugh, Beomgyu returns holding out a glass of water for you before taking a seat on the farther end of the couch.  

You drink the water slowly, feeling disappointed by the sudden shift of tension. Was it because he realized you were drinking?

While you rest your head on the couch, Soobin goes on about the plan for tomorrow.

You glance over at Beomgyu who had his eyes closed already, nodding along with the plan. 

Was he thinking all sorts of things to convince him that you wouldn’t have kissed him if you weren’t drunk or fresh out of a breakup? It was only partly true.

The other half of the truth was that you probably would’ve done it sober, and even if you were the one that broke up with Jaeil, you probably would’ve found your way to Beomgyu.

Because the wedding night still left things unanswered for you, and you felt that you needed some closure from it for good. 

Fuck, this is not where you wanted to leave the night.

“Yunjin!” you squeal from inside your car as she rushes out of the train station with her overstuffed tote clutched in hand. After rolling over the hood of your car, she opens the passenger door and throws herself in.  

The cars behind you honk repeatedly, demanding you to move out the lane. 

“Drive! Drive!” She giggles while pointing forward.

“Come on, it was like a few seconds!” You shout out your window, pressing on the gas. 

Once you’re no longer being attacked by the horns, Yunjin tosses her tote in the backseat and throws her arms over you. “Oh my god. Hi, my precious. It’s been so long.”

You grin. “But also feels like it was just a week ago? I know.”

“Life’s just so busy when you’re a doctor.” She sighs dreamily as she pulls back.

You stick your tongue out. “It really is.”

She grabs your hand and studies it, specifically your fourth finger on your left hand. “Hmmm?”