#allabilitieswelcome

Title: When “No” Isn’t an Option: Advocating for My Son’s IEP There’s a moment in my journey as a parent that still makes me angry to this day. Not because it was confusing. Not because I didn’t understand the system. But because I did. When my husband was stationed in Korea, I moved our family to Killeen on my own. We were transferring from Katy, Texas, and like so many military families, I was navigating everything—new home, new city, new school—by myself. My son was in elementary school at the time. He had an IEP. He was receiving services. He was nonverbal. And like many children with significant needs, his support included: Speech Therapy Occupational Therapy Physical Therapy This wasn’t new. This wasn’t unclear. This was already established. The Meeting That Should Have Been Simple I went into the transfer ARD meeting expecting continuity. Instead, I was told: “We don’t think he needs speech therapy.” I remember just sitting there for a second. Trying to process what I had just heard. My son—who could not speak… My son—who was in a life skills classroom… …didn’t qualify for speech therapy? I said, “No. I don’t agree.” Round Two We came back for another meeting. Again, I was told: “We still don’t think he qualifies for speech.” At that point, it wasn’t just frustrating—it was unbelievable. I said it again: “No. I do not agree.” Then What Most Special Needs Parent Go Through "Let’s Make a Deal?" Then came the part that still doesn’t sit right with me and still makes me mad just thinking about it. “Well… what if we give him one day a week in a group?” The ummm Let's Make A Deal Phase. Like my child’s needs were negotiable. Like this was something to compromise on. I remember thinking: We are not playing ‘Let’s Make a Deal’ with my son’s future. I said No..... then another how about this.... Again I said No....I am not signing... I am not agreeing And Then… Everything Changed We took a recess. When we came back, the head of speech services was at the table. We sat down. And suddenly— The IEP was honored. Speech therapy was included. No pushback. No negotiation. Just like that. So What Changed? That’s the question that has stayed with me all these years. Because it wasn’t my child’s needs. Those never changed. What changed… was who was in the room. This is the Reality for Many Military Families How many military families go through this exact situation when they relocate? New duty station. New school. New team. And suddenly, services that were once clearly needed are questioned, reduced, or delayed. Not because the child changed. But because the system did. And too often, families are left feeling like they have to: Fight Prove Negotiate Just to get their child what they already had. This Shouldn’t Be the Standard Let me be clear: IEPs are not suggestions. They are not starting points for negotiation. They are legal documents built around a child’s needs. And honoring them shouldn’t depend on: Who speaks up Who pushes back Or who is sitting at the table Why This Still Matters This experience shaped how I advocate today. It taught me: To stand firm—even when it’s uncomfortable To understand my rights—and use them And to never treat my child’s needs as negotiable Because too many families don’t know they can say: “I do not agree.” If you are a parent navigating the IEP process: Know this—your voice matters. You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to push back. And you are absolutely allowed to say no. And if you are part of a school team: Remember—families are not your opposition. They are your partners. And every decision you make impacts a child’s future. Because no parent should ever feel like they have to “make a deal” to get their child what they need.