Confession for my KenMayu fics:
I got really stressed out trying to write them on a schedule and burned myself out.
I started writing A long journey ahead back when KenMayu was literally a DEAD tag. Like no update in tumblr or ao3 in over a year after like years of small things here or there. I was also getting my masters and figured, as a way to stay awake in class, why not start my own fics since its just me in this ship anymore (hyperbole but at one point in the kenmayu tag you can see its just me posting one after the other)
At first it was great, it was a way to decompress while writing my thesis. And it was really exciting to see the ship grow so fast especially thanks to TYBW! I really love meeting others who also share the shame thoughts about kenmayu! And especially meet pther fans open to things like MPREG!
But then i graduated and got depressed cuz i was unemployed for a bit and when i got my first job post graduation i started updating again but slowly this time. Then i got my current job but at the expense of having a daily commute totaling 3 hours (1.5 hours to and 1.5 hours back). Plus i wake up at 4.30 to make sure i get to work on time. I tried to write on the train to and from but i would be so tired that i have up and used the train rides for lost sleep. And when i came home it would nearly be 7:30 and at that point i just want to eat and sleep for the next day.
I started trying to write during my lunch which helped but lead to another problem: perfectionism. I started comparing myself to other new works in the kenmayu tag and started hating what i was writing. I kept deleting and rewriting chapters in an effort to "out due" my last chapter and stand out. And like its stupid because this is a rare pair with MAX 10 people actively interacting with fics on ao3 and like maybe 50 people on tumblr???
Yet i couldn't grasp that?? Even when i pivoted to writing vulpes to ease that mindset it stuck. I became my worst critic and it made writing KenMayu not fun anymore and i just....stopped.
I pivoted to doing some personal shingou stuff and oc art and posting because to be honest i needed a break from creating kenmayu stuff.
Why am i saying this?
Well ive gotten comments and asks if i was ever gonna update, did i abandon the or if i even still like kenmayu.
I do. Kenmayu is my otp if my oshikatsu posts show nothing else.
And my fics arent abandoned. Far from it i have so many ideas for em.
Its just that its gonna be a while before ill be able to update again. Hopefully after i get a better job lol
