#aliramble

I am currently the neediest, most yearnful I have ever been. Staying a few nights at my mum's away from my computer with nobody to hug or kiss is going to make me wither and die.

I make it to my appointment and I end up being harassed over why I was late and get told my payments were to be suspended pending a review from Centrelink, not a single person there knew what had happened or came to check in on me. I sit down and check my phone and see parts of the breaking news and it dawns on me. but shock is a funny thing, I don't feel anything at first. I mention it in my wow discord at the time and how I should hopefully be home soon for some m+. It wasn't until the following week that it started to affect me and I couldn't bring myself to go into the city at all. I booked myself in for headspace at the time but they weren't really of any help, I had to force myself to go in for jobseeker appointments so I wouldn't be cut off again. Over time it faded but I guess until now I never really dealt or grappled with it properly.

I'm writing this as I am sitting down down in little bourke which was the detour I took when walking around the incident that day. I think I'm going to be okay, I think the last two days finally forced me to work through it properly, I'm still a little anxious when walking here but its noticeably less than it was prior. I think the process of moving on has actually started in earnest now. Oh and fuck the guy who cut my payments off for being late, even the dude from centrelink was disgusted at him.

First person I shared my room with was an 86 yo guy, seemed sweet, gendered me correctly and said hello with a little small talk. No family, no friends, no neighbors straight up nobody to call for his next of kin let alone to help pick him up if need be when he got discharged.

Second person was a lady who came in prior to me being discharged, had some kind of cardiac episode at work and was distraught that nobody at work noticed or checked in on her when she was struggling until she worked up the ability to make some kind of call for help. Thankfully she had a friend who came in to see her quickly after she got checked in who brought stuff for her.