barking for oblivious alien gee 🤤🤤🤤
(monsterfucking ... maybe?)
YOU ARE A MIND READER I'VE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE THIS SO BAD MUAH MUAH MUAH I LOVE YOU I LOVE IT!!!!!
THIS IS A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ONE!
oblivious! alien! gerard x conspiracy theorist!reader
where reader, a ufologist, hears a crash and a bang in their backyard. Who's there? Well, it's the friendliest, prettiest, stupidest little alien boy ever. And boy, is he curious about you.....
content: MONSTERFUCKING! GERARD DOES NOT HAVE HUMAN SEXUAL ANATOMY....SORT OF...., you talk him through it, oral, fingering, overstimulation, alien semen, TWO DICKS! TIPSY SEX!!!
What a night! For weeks you'd been putting this slideshow together documenting true experiences and tangible evidence of alien activity in the skies above your area, and tonight....tonight was the night you'd submit it to your local law enforcement. They needed to do something about this.
And, well, this was your chance to become famous and be recognized for your efforts- but who needs to know about that?! Certainly not the authorities! You'd keep the "make me famous" bits private until you get called to be on talk shows to mystify the crowds with tales of your countless hours of field work.
The edges of your eyes were stinging after staring at the bright light of your computer monitor, and rubbing them only made it worse. Against your better judgement, you decided to take a break.
Walking into your brightly lit kitchen, you were completely blind to the world until you heard a thundering crash from outside your back patio door. Static crackling sliced through the silence, ushered in by the sharp clap of metal bending and snapping as it slammed against the ground.
The sound took you completely off guard, and chilled you to the bone, stilling your body as you stared out the glass door in front of you, eyes wide. Every instinct was telling you not to approach the door, but for some reason you did it anyways.
You pressed yourself up against the door, not opening it, but looking outside. Thick clouds of smoke and dust danced in the air, caking the grass with brown powder.
You squinted, trying to get a better look outside. You cursed yourself for leaving your glasses in the basement. You could see the vague shape of something dragging itself out of the fog.
It looked....human? No, it couldn't be...What kind of human could survive a crash like.....
"Holy shit! It's an alien!"
You slid open your patio door and ran outside, kneeling down beside the crumpled figure. It was a man? He, or it, was in a blue suit. His hair was a bright orange color. He was...weirdly pale, a milky blue undertone visible through his skin.
"Are you okay?", you asked, over-enunciating all of your words. If it was an alien, you didn't wanna confuse it.
Suddenly, he sat up, and his eyes snapped onto your face. He looked around your yard, turned around to look at the- Holy shit! To look at the UFO that had just crash landed in your yard!
Your jaw was all the way open.
"Hell-o?", he spoke. His voice was light and airy. He said the word like he was unsure of how to say it, what it meant, or who he was talking to.
"Hi....there", you said. You were examining him without examining him. He looked harmless enough. You stood up and reached a hand out, offering to help him stand up. He hesitated for a moment before taking it. His hand was fucking freezing.
He stood up and just stared at you inquisitively.
"Are you, a human?", he asked, slowly. His English was quite good.
"Yes, human as the day I was born!", you sing-songed, "My name is y/n. You're in my backyard."
"Backyard?", he repeated.
"Yeah, the, uh, back of my house", there was silence. You were pretty sure he still didn't get what you meant, "The back of my living quarters, habitation, property?"
It clicked in his head, eyes lighting up. Literally.
You didn't know it at the moment, but you'd found a light for your own life, and he'd found a home. From that night on, you had a roommate. You'd never had one of those before.
The alien, who proclaimed himself as "Gerard", ended up sleeping on your couch (if we can call what he was doing sleeping), and living in your living room. Your little UFO project had been pushed to the side upon his arrival.
It could wait. It's not like the evidence was going anywhere.
That first week he lived with you, he was curious about everything. Where he was, what everything in your house was, what the "enslaved lifeform" you had whisking about your floor was (ahem, it was your Roomba), what you ate, if you ate, what going to the bathroom was like. He was more invasive than a surgeon, with more conversational stamina than a radio host. His questions never stopped.
Your favorite question of his led to a long discussion on the history of ice cream, and what exactly lactose intolerance was. His response? Telling you that intolerances didn't exist in the vastness of space. Allergies were an entirely human thing. Nobody on his home planet was allergic to anything. Yeah, he could eat anything.
He even showed you that was true by swallowing a few batteries thinking they'd give him energy, too. After panicking, planning his funeral, and being reassured that he wasn't going to keel over and die, you promptly told him that wasn't how it worked. At all.
His questions didn't bother you, though. It was quite the opposite. You didn't have many friends, and in a weird way, Gerard filled that hole in your chest.
You had questions too, after all. He wasn't shy to answer them. Turns out being an alien gives you no sense of inhibition.
You found out a few things about him: He was from a planet outside of your home solar system, he'd only ever seen Earth once before crashing on it- and that was a few light years ago on a screen- and that he was about 2,000 years old. Aliens age well, apparently.
You found out he was a scientist back home. He ran away looking for something more, just like you had in your teens.
All of your curiosity about the world beyond Earth's atmosphere was spilled onto Gerard. You were curious as to why, for an alien from a race intelligent enough to crash land onto your planet, he didn't know anything about it.
Despite it all, you two grew close. His questions needed answers, and you needed him around to study. It was a win-win.
Until you started to notice how the light would dance in his eyes when it caught them just right, or how his hair would fall in front of his face a certain way if he'd been caught out in the rain (which he insisted on playing in for "research purposes"), or how his stiff laugh grew more and more wild and free the more he did it.
During your chats (which were purely just for science, of course) you found yourself lingering on his words and his punctuation, captivated by the things he said, humored by the questions he asked.
Astonished by how easily he saw you. Really saw you. He was a blank slate, something beyond the beyond, and he saw you for what you were.
It made the void inside of you stretch off into infinity.
You loved having him around until you realized how handsome he was, and just how much he seemed to understand you for an alien who couldn't understand anything about the planet he crash landed on.
Not even other humans understood you, if they ever even tried to. But Gee, he made you feel like you'd taken your first breaths after being crushed by the depths of the ocean.
That all led you to right now.
You'd were slaving away all day at your day job, some crappy part time position at a restaurant, got turned around by some coworkers, and ended up at a bar with them. One shot for pleasantries became two for good measure, two became three, and three became an Uber home.
Now you were taking off your shoes and greeting Gerard, who was sat on your couch, watching MTV (something he was, for some reason, captivated by).
You didn't know if it was just the confidence from the alcohol or the growing warmth in your chest you'd been feeling for the alien recently, but your mind was muddy with desire tonight, and the alien was yet to learn about human reproduction.
"Heyyyy buddy", you slurred, tripping over your ankles. You decided the next best course of action was to slump down on your couch beside the alien, who was currently looking at you with the same expression an ER doctor looks at a mass trauma incident.
"Y/n, you're back.....Are, you alright?", he asked. The one thing that never left his sentence structure were his cute little pauses between words. He never quite mastered the fluidity of the English language.
"Oh, yeah. I'm great. You didn't get too bored ALONE did you?", you asked. Your arms were spread over the tops of the cushions, one ending up behind his head. You looked at him through squinty, heavy eyelids and lashes.
Though the world was spinning, he was absolutely still. He was the rock you were tethered to.
"No, not at all. Are you, sure you're okay? You seem. Odd." He was smiling as he spoke, something you taught him. You told him it would make him blend in better, that 'real people smiled a lot'. That charming smile was biting you in the ass now. First, he's worried about you. Now, he's flashing those pearly whites? Swoon.
"Hmmmmmmm-", you hummed, leaning over to him. Your face was a few inches from him, and you squinted further to get a closer look at his features. A faint blue flush dusted his cheeks at the proximity.
"Gerard, do you have alcohol on your planet?", your head drooped to the side. Now you were smiling too.
"Alcohol?", he asked, "We might. It might be called something else. What exactly does it do? What is it?"
You subconsciously let the hand closest to him drift to his hair, ghosting your fingers over his orange ends. You didn't think he'd noticed that yet.
"It's a liquid. Does a lot, Gee. Makes you think less, makes you stupider....", your eyes trailed down his face and neck before they stopped at the neckline of his shirt. You lingered for a moment. The valley of his collarbones teased you as to what was under his shirt. Your eyes shot back up to his, voice dropping to a whisper,"Makes you fun."
Damn him and his stupid innocent mind.
Damn you and the impulses you weren't ignoring.
You stood up from your spot on the couch and stepped in front of him before placing your hands on his knees, leaning your weight on your palms.
Gerard sat up a little straighter in response, trying to keep his eyes locked onto yours, instead of looking down your shirt where it was gapping at the neck as you leaned over.
"I'll give you an example, I guess. Do you know what a blowjob is?", you asked, "They're fun. The kinda fun I'm talking about."
He shook his head, swallowing thickly. The blue on his cheeks had darkened, flushing down his neck, too. His reaction told you he knew more than he was letting on. Alright, you'll play this game.
"Want me to explain it to you?", you asked. One of your hands trailed up his thigh now, your thumb drawing circles in the plush flesh.
He nodded, eyes wide. All of his attention was laser focused on you.
"It's part of human reproduction, kind of", you started. The alien was nodding along to your words. You already knew he was full of questions you were ready to answer.
Your hand trailed up from his thigh to the soft bulge in his pants. He was already popping a semi, from what you could tell through the fabric.
"You're a scientist, right, Gee?", your head lolled over, laying on his thigh as you looked up at him. You already knew the answer.
He bungled his words, stuttering over himself as he ran a hand through his messy orange hair. "Yeah.....I'm, well, I mean I'm a scientist yes, Y/n."
"Why don't we do a little experiment, then? You like those?"
He was all ears as his wide hazel eyes stared down at you. His pale skin had been flushed with shades of blue as you felt him up. You could feel his heart beats slamming through him.
"I'll see if me, a human, can make you cum. For science, of course. Whattaya' say?"
There was a beat between you.
"I don't have human anatomy though, y/n...", Gerard muttered. Now this- this was something.
"How so?", you laughed, pressing your hand down on him through his pants. You didn't know what turned aliens on, but he was solid in his pants now. Shamefully so, if you were to ask him.
"Just....", he sighed, looking around the room before looking back down at you, and resting a hand of his on the one you had on his bulge, "Just look, see what I mean."
You gave him a curt nod and undid his belt, pulling his pants open. Through his boxers you saw two things that immediately made you understand what he was talking about. Literally.
You saw two bulges, leaving little to the imagination.
Well that's one way to sober up.
You furrowed your brows, trying to make sure you weren't currently experiencing a drunken hallucination. "You have-"
"I have two reproductive organs, yes...", he said, embarrassed. He covered his eyes with a hand and shrank away from you into the couch, assuming you'd be horrified or disgusted, "I'm sorry if this isn't what you want, y/n, we can stop- really- it's alright-"
You interrupted him by gently pulling his hand off of your eyes and placing it on your cheek instead. Your head was still spinning, but this made things all the more interesting.
"I said we'd experiment, that I'd show you what a human does. I mean it", your voice was gentle, and spilled slowly from your mouth, "We'll go slow and easy for you......."
You slowly pulled back the alien's boxers, revealing the two lengths standing at attention- one right beside the other between his legs. Their tips were the same dark blue that painted Gerard's face right now, which mixed with a murky sea of lighter blues the further down the length you went before blending back into Gerard's skin tone.
They were surprisingly big. There was a part of you that was thankful he just had two crazy neon blue cocks instead of some necromorph tendrils, though that wouldn't have disappointed you if that was the case.
In your hand, the flesh was incredibly soft. The alien flinched at the contact.
You tried not to stare too long.
"So, it starts like this......", you were barely speaking above a whisper before you gave one long, loving lick up the length in your left hand. You felt a shudder rumble through Gerard's body, the completely new sensation lighting his nerve endings on fire.
"Mmh. Right.", he said through clenched teeth.
"And, then it's mostly this....."
You took the length into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks around it and carefully bobbing your head up and down. Slow, you said. Slow for the alien boy who's never been touched before.
With your other hand, you began instinctively stroking the neglected length. He was already writhing under you, and you'd just started.
"Y/n-", he groaned out, covering his mouth with one of his hands. His eyes were studying you as you went up and down on him with your hands and your tongue and your lips, expanding his mind with forbidden human knowledge to be stored in his mental anthology.
With your free hand, which you'd placed on his hip and had been using to stabilize yourself, you grabbed his free hand and entangled it with your hair, urging him to push your head down on his length.
With the message received, he did just that, pushing your mouth further down his cock. With this new element tossed into the mix for both of you, you'd sped up the pace- swirling your tongue over his leaking tip, teasing him while you worked him up.
He had no idea what was coming.
You could feel the veins in his cock pulsing with the beat of his heart under your tongue. His very life was in your hands at the moment, literally, and with all the stimulation you were giving him it wasn't a shock when he started to buck his hips up at you- needy for more friction, for more contact.
You pulled your mouth off of him with a loud 'pop' of your lips, the two of you connected by a string of spit. Your other hand, the one that'd been working on his other cock, was covered in a mix of extraterrestrial fluids you only understood as the alien equivalent of precum.
You turned to look up at Gerard, who'd looked like he'd been hit by a bus. He was shining like a shotgun with a thin layer of sweat on his face, his chest was heaving as he took deep gulps of air. It was cute, adorable even. You'd never seen blue look so good on somebody.
"Incredibly....I've never done something like that back home...We don't do anything like that. Is that it?", he asked through breaths. Laughing, you shook your head no.
"That's the basics of a BJ, but I have something more for you", you began, getting up off the floor and unzipping your jeans. Gerard tilted his head back against the cushion, raising an eyebrow.
"What're you going to do?", he asked.
"I'm gonna teach you how humans fuck.", you said matter-of-factly. Gracelessly. You'd never lacked shame like this before. His eyes were like saucers and you almost ate him up then and there.
Pushing your pants down, leaving your underwear on, you sat down on his lap, leaving his two lengths pressing against your stomach, sandwiched between your two warm bodies.
"I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you've never kissed anyone before, either?", you asked.
He shook his head. "I've seen kisses on the TV box thing, but I don't know why they-", you cut him off by pressing your lips into his, just for a moment, a fleeting little thing.
"Kisses happen for a lot of reasons. For now, we're kissing because people like to kiss", you dove back into his lips after. Starting gently, slowly, trying to ease him into the rhythm. He was admittedly painfully inexperienced. You didn't think aliens would kiss, so you expected this.
You placed your hands on either side of his face, trying to guide his jaw to move in tandem with yours, getting him to fall into line as your lips became less and less awkward with each other.
At the same time, you started to push your hips against his cocks, slowly rolling against them, trying to get him accustomed to the friction. You pulled your lips off of his.
"I'm gonna guide you for this part, kay?"
You pulled your underwear off, adjusting yourself in the process, and tossed them aside. Gerard scanned your lower body as you sat before him- looking at your plush thighs then moving his gaze between your legs to look at your glistening sex.
"Yeah, that's human anatomy.", you joked.
"No, it's beautiful actually", he said, "Can I- can I touch you?"
You bit the inside of your cheek, cheeks flushing at the question. How hypocritical of you! So bold, but folding here and now.
"Yeah, I, here, lemme show you how."
You grabbed one of his hands and put it on your nerves, moving his fingers how you liked to when you did this yourself, your bottom lip between your teeth.
"And this feels good for you?", he asked, entirely genuine. You nodded your head. You motioned his hand to go a little faster before removing your hand from his entirely. Though a little choppy, he learned fast. You found yourself rolling your hips into his hand.
"People- ugh. People do this to themselves sometimes, when they need to or want to. Shit.", you groaned. Gerard was all ears. He wouldn't say it, but your pleasure was his own motivation. Human sexual behavior had suddenly become of much more interest to him following his breakthrough blowjob discovery.
You whined a little, placing your hands on his shoulders, gripping his shirt to stabilize yourself as you planted your lips right back onto his, picking back up your unstable, mildly competent rhythm.
You felt his fingers move from focusing on the bundle of nerves of yours down to your hole, rubbing and prodding at it experimentally before slipping one of his fingers in, which was followed by another. He was running on pure instinct. Maybe.
"What about that...?", he asked, whispering into your mouth. You nodded your head, closing the gap between you again and rolling your hips to suggest he move his fingers.
He slowly pumped his fingers inside of you, exploring your body with his other hand. He ran it down your cheek, your neck, exploring the valley of your shoulders, running down your sides until it came over to your hips. He was shy to go below the belt to feel your ass.
You moved one of your hands off of his shoulders onto one of his cocks, giving it one or two strokes before being reminded of what you'd promised to do.
You pulled your lips off of his- "Do you wanna? I mean, like actually fuck?" He tilted his head to the side and paused his movements.
"How?" You let out a dry chuckle and pulled his hand off of your sex.
Instead of explaining, you shifted above one of his cocks, letting the tip kiss the entryway to your body before looking back up to Gerard's eyes.
"Before we start, if you want to speed up, go ahead. If you want to stop, we stop."
He nodded his head. You sunk down onto his length. Slowly. The stretching, filling feeling of the alien molding your insides made your head fuzzy. Gerard let out a low hiss through his teeth, still and unmoving. You could feel his heartbeat inside of you.
You took his other cock in your hand, like before, just to keep it out of the way. Then you started to move.
You moved your hips up and down, rolling them as you went, and pumped his other length in your hand, biting back your own sighs of pleasure as his veins rubbed your walls.
Gerard had a hand plastered over his mouth as he leaned his head into your shoulder, swallowing his moans back as you rode him.
"Do you want me to go faster?", you tried to get the words out clearly, failing. You felt him nodding against you.
You sped up the rise and fall of your hips, knees burning at the repeated movement, and moved one of his hands down to your ass. His fingers gripped the flesh like he was trying to keep himself attached to the surface of the planet.
"Mmm, let me hear you", you whined. All you were getting out of the alien were muffled groans, his voice dying in the palm of his hand. You wanted, needed to hear him crying out into your shoulder, moaning out garbage about how good it all felt for someone like him. Someone not of this world.
He took the hand covering his mouth off of it, sighing before choking back a moan that sounded vaguely like your name. You couldn't tell through the haze of your own whines and the sound of skin on skin.
"Y/n-", he started, "Both, try- Can we? Please-"
You slowed down, drawing a groan out of him, and paused to adjust his second cock to fit inside of your opening. Admittedly, it was a squeeze. You felt a faint burning before getting Gerard's second cock to slowly slide in with the first you'd been riding like a shetland pony.
Once inside, you hummed at the feeling of being full beyond belief, completely stretched. Gerard was practically vibrating with anticipation. Both of his incredibly sensitive alien appendages were sitting inside of you, waiting to move, waiting to drive him over the edge.
He placed his hands on your hips. You started to rock on his cocks, first, still adjusting to the fullness, before getting back to it.
Being impaled on two cocks at once was a new experience for you, but god if you loved it. Gerard was loving it, too.
For him, this was twice the amount of stimulation he'd been getting than before. Both of his cocks were being worshipped inside of you, rubbing against your walls, rubbing against each other, sending his mind careening down a hallway of dopamine release. He'd never done human drugs, but he imagined there was nothing comparable to what he was feeling right now out on the black market you spoke of.
Bouncing up and down on his cocks, you could feel your long awaited orgasm start to leave traces of its arrival in your stomach, small sparks and tingles lighting your abdomen alight in anticipation. You bit your lip to shut yourself up. Gerard was so vocal you didn't wanna risk drowning him out with the sounds of your own whines and squeals as you rode him.
The alien's lengths twitched inside of you with every bounce, joined in tandem with his hips starting to buck up to you. He'd been singing a chorus of moans up to you- whines, begs for more, calls of your name. You'd never heard his voice like this, and with the pleasure fogging up your mind, you couldn't tell if you were still drunk or if he was just fucking you into a delusive haze.
Gerard's fingers clawed into your skin, and his head fell forward, leaning against your shoulders as he pushed up into you at a quicker pace.
"Y/n, s'good" It was a garbled mess. You put your hands around his neck, leaning into his touch.
The tense rope tethering your orgasm away from you snapped, letting it rush through your body like whitewaters cascading down a rocky drop. Your insides tensed and flexed around Gerard's cocks, your own fluids letting them slip in and out of you with precision and ease.
Gerard kept humping against you past your own orgasm, past your own stalled, choppy movements, pushing your sensitive nerves past their own limits, twisting your brain inside of your skull.
You let out a sharp, breathy whine, whining his name.
With deep strokes, the alien brought himself to climax, choking back a moan as he rolled his hips to a stop. You felt his cocks twitch and jump inside of you, pumping warm ropes into the space they occupied. The two of you sat still for a moment, gulping back air like you'd just swam up from the bottom of the ocean.
Slowly, you pulled off of him- not caring that, in the moment, you were leaking alien cum all over his pants and you couch. You could always clean everything, anyways.
You laid down on your couch, pulling him by the collar of his shirt to lay with you, and the both of you crashed down onto the plush cushions- still hauling back breaths.
Ignoring the fact that you and the alien were just fucking like rabbits on your couch, you tucked a hair behind his ear, smiling at him.
The space between your legs ached with a dull pain that was mellowed out by the afterglow of your orgasm. You were no longer tipsy, and grounded yourself in the reality that you just fucked the alien who'd crashed in your backyard a few months ago.
Gerard was laying next to you, sweat soaking through his shirt, breathing heavily, staring at you with a whirlpool of emotions brewing in the deep pools of his eyes.
"Sooooooooo...", you sighed, "How was your first time with a human?"
He smiled. "Educational. It was my first time ever"
"Shit, I guess I'd better teach you about aftercare too, right?"
"What's that?", he asked, turning to lay on his side, leaning on his elbow and looking down at you. This gave you more room on the couch.
"If you care to join me in a bath, I'll run you through it", you began, "It's more....loving, and, relaxing?! If you're comfortable with that."
Now all you had to do was find a way to tell him you had a soft spot for him. A crush, if you dared to call it that.
You'd say you were about half way there.
whew! what a guy, amirite?
this was so fun to writeeeeee!!!
plus, I actually really love hesitant alien, shits relatable as fuck. professional griefers + party poison x reader x fun ghoul is next.
