โNothing you could do but sing, this love is a fragile thing.โ
Gerardโs band is only starting to get discovered, along with Gerardโs love for booze and late nights. Your relationship couldnโt survive it. Until one nightโฆ
Alcohol abuse (both reader and Gerard), lots of angst, mention of vomit (not sexual), eventual smut! Reader is a little drunk during, drunk confessions, passionate as hell (love making), oral (Gerard receiving), dry humping (a lot), fingering
Gerard and you ended very badly. End of Highschool for you, middle of college for him. A huge fight that kept escalating for months until you decided to put an end to it. Gerard started to abuse alcohol and random pills he managed to put his hands on. On top of all of that, he kept spending his nights in sketchy clubs, playing with his band until the sun started to rise, having to get dragged back to his place, barely standing on his feet.
It happened one time too many. And in the worst timing ever. The morning of your one year. The week before he was all sweet, planning stuff with you, hell, even canceling band practice for the day of, which was very rare, and you appreciated it very much. He was supposed to pick you up first thing in the morning, drive to a deserted area in a forest right outside town, and hike until your legs hurt while sharing a joint. Dinner was supposed to come later, and spending the night at your place.
You were giddy with it, excitement flowing in your veins for longer than youโd like to admit as you counted the seconds until the big day. But of course, Gerard had a show the night before. You tried your best to stay calm, to believe him when he said heโll stay sober, end the set early, and will be perfectly fine and capable of picking you up in the morning, just like you planned.
It all smashed right in your face.
You decided to attend that show, just because you didnโt have any other plans, and felt like watching your boyfriend thrash around on stage. It was always great, energetic, you didnโt have any reason not to go. Dressing all pretty, you showed up just in time to see Gerard set up everything, along with Frank, Mikey and Ray. You waved hi to the guys, making your way to Gerard, who pressed a kiss to the side of your head right away. โHey, sugar!โ He flashed you a big grin, tugging a piece of hair behind his ear. You smiled, tugging your hands in the pockets of your very short shorts as you watched him.
โYer excited?โ You asked, giggling a little as he nodded frantically. Gerard was always on fire before his shows, already getting into the right mindset. โIโm really glad you made it.โ He added, giving your hip a loving stroke before heading back stage for a moment, probably to fetch a microphone. You decided to stay there, mingle with the rest. You approached Frank, moving from foot to foot as you looked at his hands tuning the guitar. โIero.โ You spoke to get his attention, making him look up with his signature cheeky grin. โWassup, y/n?โ He put the guitar down for a second, smiling to you.
You nibbled on your inner cheek, looking around for a moment before lowering your voice to a whisper. โI need you to keep an eye on him, okay?โ You mumbled, embarrassed about having to ask, but everyone knew Gerard had hisโฆ problems. Frank immediately nodded, scratching the back of his neck. โDonโ worry about it. Just enjoy the show. Yeah?โ He offered, trying to sound reassuring, but you recognized the stress behind his own voice.
You and Frank had many conversations about the way Gerard was acting in the recent couple of months. He was as worried as you, and you were happy to have someone to share that concern with. Frank loved his band, loved his friend, you knew you could trust him. You nodded, thanking him quietly before jumping off the stage, catching your spot in the first row as the small basement started to get full.
The show was electric as always.
Gerard made sure to stare down at you, winking, smirking, doing his whole thing and making you feel like the only girl in the room as he did. As the final note rang through the room, you already made your way to the green room, wanting to say your goodbyes. You were starting to get tired, and did want to look your best for tomorrow- so, beauty sleep it was.
Gerard stumbled in a few minutes after you, drenched of sweat from the show, clutching an empty bottle of water in his hand. He immediately smiled as he saw you, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand, shimming out of his jacket. โWhat a show, huh??โ He asked, pressing a kiss to your lips before falling on the crappy sofa they had there. You chuckled and nodded. โAmazing, per usual.โ You nibbled on your lower lip, watching him for another moment. โYer gonna go home now, right?โ You asked. There was an anxious feeling in your stomach, one you couldnโt quite name. Gerard looked up to you after a long second. โHm? Oh yeah. fโcourse, baby.โ You raised your brow. He didnโt sound so sure. โCuz like, yโknow.. tomorrow..?โ Your insecurities got the best of you, and you just had to ask.
Gerard got up, cracking his back before smiling to you, reaching to hold your hand with both of his. โHow can I forget, babe. Donโt worry about it. ts just.. the guys invited me to this party. It has this huuuge band, it can be real good for publicity.โ He explained, sounding so excited you almost felt guilty about the sadness that filled your head at his words. You looked down at your shoes, taking a deep breath before looking up at him again. โYou sure youโll be okay with waking up tomorrow if you go there ? Yโknow how you can get..โ you tried, hating the way the words sounded when they came out of your mouth.
Gerard raised your hand to his face, pressing a soft kiss to the bottom of your palm before letting go, grabbing his leather jacket. โI promise, sugar.โ He put his hand on his heart as he looked at you, the softest of smiles tugging at the corner of his lip, the one that always made you melt. โI wonโt drink. Just talk to sum people, yโknow? Make them know who My Chem are.โ He flashed you a toothy grin, pulling you into a big kiss before intertwining your fingers together, making your way towards the back door.
The cold night air hit your sweaty face like a brick wall, making you hold onto Gerard as he walked you to your car, swaying your hands on your way. He was so sweet. You couldnโt be mad at him. You wanted to try and trust him. At least this time.
Maybe this time was going to be different.
You woke up at 8, knowing Gerard and you planned to leave at 9. No texts from him at all. Your heartbeat immediately raised to your ears as you stared at your phone. You decided to take a deep breath and start to get ready anyway. Maybe he went to sleep late, and wanted to wake up as late as he could to get some extra minutes in. Itโs fine. Nothing to worry about.
8:30, nothing. You were already dressed, hair ready, soft makeup on. You cursed under your breath, making your way to the kitchen with your bag hanging off your shoulder. You refused to lose hope, to believe heโd actually do this to you on your big day. Maybe it wasnโt a big deal for him, maybe he didnโt actually care. You gulped a glass of water down, shooing those thoughts away, not wanting to deal with them right now.
You tried calling him. No reply. 8:45. You sat in your living room, leg swinging anxiously, unable to look away from the black screen of your phone, your stomach killing you from anxiety. It wasnโt the first time Gerard did this to you, and it killed you every single time.
9. You left your house, deciding to drive to his. Maybe something happened. Maybe he got hurt, maybe his phone died, maybe something happened to his family. Your brain killed you as you drove, everything looking like a blur, mirroring your thoughts. You climbed down the stairs to his basement, using the spare key he gave you to the back door that lead straight to his room. Your hand shook slightly as you opened it, inhaling the familiar scent as your eyes adjusted to the dark.
And sure enough, there he was.
Lying on his bed, in yesterdayโs clothes, drooling on his pillow, shoes kicked to the corner of the room. You took a deep breath, feeling tears welling up in the corner of your eyes already. You approached him, and the second your knees hit the bed, the intense smell of cheap booze hit your nose. A single tear fell on your cheek as you looked down at the wasted passed out body of your boyfriend. Your teeth bit your inner cheek so hard it bled as you stared, unable to look away, unable to believe he did this to you again. โFuck..โ you mumbled, wiping your tear with the back of your hand.
As quiet as a cat, you left the basement, locking the door after you.
The drive back to your house was blurrier than the one there. You didnโt let yourself cry until you got to your room again, avoiding your momโs questions, closing the door after you.
You didnโt leave your room for the entire day. Unable to stop crying.
Texts and calls from Gerard started to come around noon, you avoided them all. You heard his car parking and his knocks on the door a few hours later, telling your parents to ignore it, refusing to see him.
A few days later, you finally picked up the phone.
โY/n! Baby, god.. I was so fucking worried..โ Gerard sounded like he was on the verge of tears as he spoke. you didnโt feel anything, your chest felt like an empty shell, your head hurting from days of not doing anything but feeling sorry for yourself.
โGerard.. itโs done. Weโre done..โ you managed to mumble into the phone, hearing him shuffling, quickly letting out a whiney reply. โPlease, sugar, I know I fucked up- please, let me see you, let me explain..โ he tried, but you didnโt let him finish.
โโโโโโโโโโ
The days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to months. Summer vacation was over, you moved to college, hell, even moved to a different town. You didnโt hear anything from Gerard since.
College was rough on you. Hard classes, teachers you werenโt used to, awkward glances from people you werenโt familiar with. It was like high school all over again- only this time, you didnโt have the safety net of your childhood friends, your family, or, your boyfriend.
It was so weird to think of him that way. You were always one of those couples that were so sure about your future together. But you tried to stop thinking about it as much, or rather not think about it at all. The name My Chemical Romance was heard here and there, some random punks smoking joints would mention it once in a month when they did a show around town, it always made your chest ache.
Your friends were there to remind you what he did and it was usually fine. The feeling passed, along with his face, that seemed to be plastered onto the wrinkles of your brain.
It all went pretty smoothly, until one Saturday night. You went to a party with your friends, that finally managed to convince you to tag along, and were very excited about it. You dressed your best- something tight, something revealing, something utterly you. And utterly way too confident for your sober mind.
You were planning on getting very drunk the moment your shoes touched the clubs floor. And thatโs exactly what you did.
Beer followed by a shot, then another, and another, and another. A cocktail someone bought for you, and a shot another cared to add. It wasnโt long before you lost your logical sense of judgment, and decided to agree to go to this rock show at a bar your friends heard about. Saying it sounded so cool, and that everyone are going. You rolled your eyes, but agreed.
The uber came fast enough, and the drive there went by fine. The city lights blurring, making you zone out through the whole thing. Once he parked, you stumbled outside, giggling with your friends as you entered the sketchy looking place, completely blind to the bands posters outside.
You went downstairs, head a little light and airy as you did, but it didnโt stop you. The strong smell of cigarettes and booze hit your nose, and you accepted it with a big smile. Places like this made you feel comfortable, even at peace, since, the breakup. You nibbled on your lower lip, not wanting to turn this night to a depressing one, and headed to the bar again. As you ordered a beer, you saw a familiar face next to you. You tried recognizing him, but he disappeared as soon as your brain started to work.
You didnโt let it bother you. Instead, you lit up a cigarette at the corner of the crowded place, drinking your beer and smoking in peace.
A few minutes later and it was getting hard to breathe from the amount of people. You made your way towards the stage, like you always did when you were suffocating in shows. As soon as your knees hit the barricade, the lights turned red, and everyone started to clap and scream. You chuckled, your drunken brain not noticing the name they were chanting. Mayhem? My game?
Your breath stopped in your throat as the band got on stage.
And sure enough, there he was.
Gerard, your boyfriend, your ex boyfriend.
Dressed in his usual tight black jeans, held onto his hips by the bat belt knuckle he loved so much. They immediately started to thrash around, playing Sorrows before even attempting to speak to the crowd, that was going absolutely insane.
You couldnโt believe you were actually in this situation. Your knuckles turned white as you wrapped your arms around yourself, unable to look away from someone you knew too well, and avoided thinking about for almost half a year. When the song ended, you cursed under your breath, looking around for your friends, for a gap in the sea of people, but there were none.
You looked back up, just in time to catch his eyes looking down.
His smug smirk turned into a shocked little โoโ expression, before he quickly cleared his throat, licking his lips and screaming into the microphone.
โPlace is fucking stacked!!โ Gerard walked around stage as people cheered their throats out, downing a bottle of water he had next to the drum set. He ran his fingers through his sweaty hair, as oily and as black as you remembered it.
You couldnโt bring yourself to look away.
Gerard ruled the stage and the entire bar with an iron fist. There was no room to move or to breathe if it wasnโt to his direction. Like always- creating a storm around himself that drew you in, almost hypnotic. You downed whatever was left in your cup as you stared up at the stage, realizing the guy you saw next to the bar was Frank, and you got sick all over again.
You couldnโt believe you were living the worst night of your life all over again.
The songs blurred into each other, your body moving to the music without your heads permission. You were out of it. Booze flowing in your veins, nicotine suffocating your lungs, heart beating behind your eyes.
At some point, one of your friends approached you, letting you know theyโre moving to a different party with some guys. You nodded and waved them goodbye, your gaze not breaking from the chaos before your eyes. They probably didnโt recognize your ex from your stories, or they were just as drunk as you, or the guys were hot enough.
It didnโt really matter.
You stayed there. Upset, hurt, heartbroken, and disgustingly drunk. The set ended quicker than your head managed to wrap around the situation, and soon enough, Gerard already screamed his goodbyes to the crowd, and excused himself to the green room. It all happened too fast. One of Franks picks hit your face, and he immediately jumped off stage to apologize, a stupid smile plastered to his face. โYo! So sorry, darling-โ he cocked his head to the side like a confused dog. โNo way- y/n??โ He dabbed you up, you did it back, the movement way too slow, just like your brain. He kept chuckling to himself, looking around for a moment. โDoes he, does Gee know yer here?โ He added, clearing his throat at the pained look on your face at the mention of his name.
โM here by accident.โ You explained, your voice slurry as you looked down, suddenly very aware of how your belt poked your hipbones. Frank clicked his tongue, throwing his guitar case on his back. โYโknow I donโt believe in those.โ He watched you, squinting his eyes. โYou want me to get him? Or..โ you shook your head immediately, letting out a sarcastic snort. โHell no. Iโm out of here.โ You waved with your hand, already taking a step back. โGreat show. Loved yourโฆ hands. Whatever.โ You pinched the bridge of your nose, words falling from your parted lips without a chance to get stopped, the alcohol making it impossible to think properly, but you knew better than seeing your ex when youโre likeโฆ this.
He probably wanted to say something else. Probably confused by everything. You and Frank were pretty close before his piece of shit friend ruined everything.
The cold night air hit your face just in time for the tears to start rolling down your cheeks. You sniffed, quickly wiping them, your makeup probably looked like a mess anyway. You shuffled in your bag, hands shaky from the intensity of it all as you searched for your cigarettes, cursing when you couldnโt find any. It only made you cry harder. Not that it was a big deal, but it was right now. Everything was a big deal when your brain was rotted with Gerard.
He was everything. How can someone become absolutely nothing when he was absolutely everything for so long?
You sank down slowly, back dragging against the brick wall until your barely covered ass hit the ground, knees immediately pressing to your chest. You sniffed, trying to take a couple of deep breathes to stop crying. You were drunk, you were alone, you needed to go back to your dorms. Take a shower. Sleep. Not doing whatever this was. Fucking pathetic.
People passed by, it wasnโt an unusual sight for a Friday night, some drunk girl crying outside of a bar.
No one cared enough, you didnโt blame them.
After a long minute of regulating your breathes, you heard footsteps approaching you. You didnโt lift your head up, keeping your cheek rested on your aching knees. โDropped these?โ The voice was familiar. Way too familiar.
You wiped your cheek as you looked up, heart immediately dropping back to your stomach. Gerard stood above you, hair tugged behind his ears, his long fingers wrapped around a box of the cigarettes he remembered you smoked.
You rubbed your eyes with the bottom of your palm, sniffling and clearing your throat, hating yourself for acting like this around him, after not seeing him for months. You refused to give up the upper hand just yet, and grabbed the pack of cigarettes from his hand. โYeah. Thanks.โ You replied coldly, not paying it much thought. Gerard cleared his throat, rubbing underneath his nose with his fingers as he stared down at you.
After a long moment of silence, he bent down, sitting on his heels next to you. The smell of his after-show sweat and musk hitting your nose, hauntingly familiar. You opened the pack, taking a cigarette out and putting it between your lips. You turned your head to dig around your bag for a lighter, but Gerard got it first. Slowly inching closer to your mouth with a lighted one, locking eyes with you as you inhaled to ignite it. You took a long drag, blowing the smoke to the side, hand drunkly hanging by the side of your head.
โI didnโt think Iโd see you here tonight.โ He finally spoke, voice tense and on edge as he watched you, playing with a random rock he found on the ground, unable to distract himself properly. You took another drag, not bothering to move your head as you exhaled the smoke, blowing it right into his face. โYeah. Donโt remind me.โ You replied coldly, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing your heart still ached for him.
Gerard ran his fingers through his hair, and you couldnโt help but stare at his now exposed face. The dim street light reflecting perfectly on his features, his sharp nose, his dry lips, his messy eyebrows and pale skin. You clenched the cigarette too hard between your fingers, cursing under your breath as you looked away. Before thinking about it a second longer, you decided to stand up, but your mind was faster than your brain. The moment you did, everything went black, and you stumbled back with a thud, your head hitting the wall, making you hiss. Your cigarette fell to the ground, and almost like god wasnโt done with making a fool out of you, the clouds started to drip. Soft rain falling on your already fucked up body.
The last straw, if you will.
Tears started to flow violently, followed by choked sobs, and a ridiculous sight of you falling to the ground, that just started to get wet. You hiccuped, burying your face in your hands, not believing Gerard actually saw you like this. At your most venerable yet again. Where you swore heโll never get to be after everything he did. Gerard was a little shocked, everything happened so fast.
But he was there. Didnโt budge.
He immediately shifted to a sitting position before you, not staying blind to the intensity of the situation. His brain so ridden with guilt he didnโt know what to do with himself. He barely drank tonight, but even if he did, this would be enough to sober him up. He slowly brought his hand up, inching it closer to yours. The moment his fucked up nails touched your skin you flinched, slapping his hand away so fast you almost scared yourself.
โDonโt fucking touch me!โ You yelled, the scared look on his face making you only cry harder. You could barely control yourself. The vicious cocktail of different types of alcohol flowing in your veins. You wanted to scream at him. To punch him. To kiss him. To hold him.
Gerard shuffled back, but didnโt move. โY/n, please..โ he tried, his voice sounding like he was on the verge of tears too. Maybe you just imagined it. You convinced yourself he couldnโt feel real emotions at all. You couldnโt bring yourself to reply, couldnโt trust your own voice, couldnโt trust your own head. He stayed silent, staring at you through his bangs, black pencil smudged around his eyes, making him look even more tired than he was.
Gerard was heartbroken, too.
Ever since your breakup he became even worse than he thought was possible for him. His friends were concerned, his family was concerned. The look on Mikeyโs face when he found him puking in the bathroom almost every night was the thing that killed him the most. But he didnโt know what to do with himself. You were the only good thing in his life, the only thing he wanted to wake up for. You, and his band. He was bad at everything else. He was a failed artist, a failure as a friend, and apparently as a boyfriend. He couldnโt do shit but scream in the microphone drunk out of his mind. He couldnโt bring himself to even do that after you ended things with him. They didnโt do a show in over a month, when Gerard couldnโt do anything but drink and feel sorry for himself in his basement. The guys tried checking on him, but it was useless.
And now, you were right there, and he saw exactly how bad he made you feel, and it hurt him more than anything he has felt before. He nibbled on his lower lip, tears showing at the corner of his eyes as he watched your curled up form, thinking hard about his options. After another moment of silence, he finally spoke.
โYer here alone?โ He asked, his voice soft and fragile, not wanting to startle you again. You nodded, your eyes stuck on the puddle that started to form next to you, hair dripping on your face, you hoped you looked as dramatic as you felt.
Gerardโs leather jacket squeaked as he got up with a little huff, offering his hand to you. โPlease, let me take you home. I barely drank tonight, I promise.โ He tried again, not moving even when it took you a long minute to use his help. You held onto his hand, only then realizing how actually drunk you were. Your vision blurred around the edges as you used him for balance, your legs too shaky to be trusted right now. He wrapped his arm around you, helping you stabilize. โMy dorm. Itโs close.โ You attempted speaking, it came out weak, how embarrassing.
He walked you to his car, not judging you for a second. He opened the door for you, making sure you were seated comfortably before walking to the other side, removing his soaked jacket before sitting on the drivers sit. You were slightly shivering as he started driving, the sound of rain against the window making you zone out after mumbling the name of your college. Gerard drove quietly, looking at you every other minute. His heart burned. He wanted to make things right so, so bad. But he never could. He always fucked things up, he always ended up making you feel worse. He knew you deserved better, but all he wanted was you.
You finally reached your destination, the sound of Gerard parking made you gain focus, the weight of the situation somehow breaking through the barrier of booze that wrapped around your mind. You rubbed your eyes, your shaky hand reaching for the door. He was faster, leaving his sit and practically running to open your door for you. You mumbled a small โthanks..โ, too tired to keep that angry face on. Gerard grabbed his jacket from the backseat, covering your head with it as you walked to the entrance, taking your little card out of your bag. The lady at the entrance watched the two of you. โWhoโs he?โ She eventually asked, as you were about to walk in, and Gerard looked like he was going to follow. You were about to reply, to say something nasty thatโll make him run away and never reach out to you again, but the look in his eyes made you swallow your words.
His hair was drenched, dripping onto his face that was already pale enough without the cold weather. His pupils were dilated to the max, his fingers twitching around the leather that he just used to shield you from the rain.
You didnโt know if it was the alcohol, or the tiredness, but you sighed to yourself and replied.
โHeโs with me. Just a friend.โ
You explained, and she nodded as you walked in. Gerard was right after you, his heartbeat in his head, he couldnโt believe his luck.
You made your way through the familiar walls, your legs carrying you towards your room even when your head was too foggy to recognize any specific details. Gerardโs hands hovered beside you, ready to catch you, to hold you, to do anything you allowed him to. His eyes stayed glued to you, not moving even as other students walked by, judging the awkward situation. You let out a small sigh as you reached your room, turning to face him with your hand on the doorknob. โThis is it..โ you motioned towards the door, your tired eyes watching his embarrassed form. He nodded and gulped, eyes drifting from your hand to your face.
You took a deep breath in, considering your options. You cursed yourself for even putting yourself in a situation like this. Where you actually had to choose. In your weak state. It was embarrassing. You pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to stop the awful headache that made everything worse, trying to keep standing, trying to not make a fool of yourself. You opened your mouth to speak, but Gerard was faster. โPlease, ba- y/n.. please let me help you, I donโt want to leave you when youโre like this.โ He quickly spoke before you could silence him, his words cutting through you like a knife. There he was. Your caring, gentle boyfriend. You could almost cry.
โM fine, Gerard.. you did more than enough. Just leave-โ you couldnโt finish your sentence, your body betrayed you. It was faster than you could imagine was possible, and you tried to swallow it down, but to no avail. Vomit traveled up from your stomach to your neck, making you flinch as you spluttered all over the college floor. Your face burned with embarrassment, but the awful pain at the front of your forehead didnโt allow you to think much of it. Everything was a blur in less than a second. You felt a pair of hands holding you, one of them making a quick work of shoving your hair into the back of your shirt, keeping it out of your way. After a long minute, Gerard opened the door, hurrying with you inside, giving no less than vicious looks to anyone who dared looking your way. He closed the door after the both of you, one of his arms wrapped around your weak body, quickly heading towards the bathroom. He didnโt have much time to look around, he had a much more important matter in his hands right now.
You stumbled to the cold floor, your body recognizing the familiarity of your room. Gerard allowed you to do so, just sinking right after you, making sure you didnโt hit your knees or anything. He spoke, mumbling words of reassurance that didnโt really reach your mind at its state. He slowly carried you to the bath, wishing he had more hands so he could help you better, but he did his best. His jacket long forgotten by the door, all that mattered was you.
He ran his fingers through your hair, tugging it background slightly, splashing some water onto your face. โIโm here, sugar.โ He whispered, hoping that any of it actually reached your almost unconscious state. He washed your burning forehead as you heaved, your hands balancing you on the edge of the tub. You blinked slowly, after long minutes of Gerard making sure youโre not fainting on him, or choking on your own spit. You rested your cheek against the cold porcelain, staring up at him through your lashes. Gerard offered you a soft smile in return, tugging a piece of your soaked hair behind your ear. You looked like such a mess, but Gerard saw nothing but the prettiest girl he ever laid his eyes on. โHey.โ He mumbled out, quickly helping you as you showed signs of wanting to sit down. He made sure your head didnโt hit the wall, and crouched next to you, watching you.
โNeed anything? Anything at all?โ He looked around as he asked, quickly reaching for a towel and offering to you. Your weak fingers grabbed onto it, doing nothing but fiddling with it, maybe drying some of your face. Gerard stayed there, not moving a muscle, wanting nothing more than to be useful. โWater. Iโll get you water..โ he eventually said to himself, quickly getting up and practically running to the small kitchenette. He found a bottle in your mini fridge, opening it on his way back, quickly pressing it to your parted lips. His other hand found the back of your head, helping you to tilt it backwards as he poured water to your mouth, slowly and carefully.
Your tired eyes got stuck on his concentrated face, and you couldnโt stop the warmth that spread in your chest at the sight. It was like the old days. Just you and Gerard, madly in love. A single tear fell on your cheek, and Gerard drew the bottle back, wiping it off with the pad of his thumb. โYer in pain? Can I do anything? M sorry, Iโm not sure-โ you lazily pressed your finger to his lips, some booze still controlling your actions. Gerard stared at you as you made him stop talking, his breath hitched.
โKiss me, Gerard.โ You ordered, voice brittle and quiet.
His eyes widened, button lip staying tuckered out as your finger dropped from his face, leaving him shocked. โYer drunk, honey..โ it sounded like it pained him to say it. He was already gravitating towards you, unable to stay away. You shook your head. You couldnโt deny the booze in your veins, but you also couldnโt deny the way you ached for him all of those months. There wasnโt a day he didnโt pass in your mind, and he was right there. He was right there and he was so soft, so gentle, so caring, so beautiful.
So Gerard. Like you remembered him. Before he fucked everything up.
โPlease, Gee..โ the nickname fell from your lips like it never stopped belonging there. He sighed, the struggle in his head showing on his face. His hand found your face, still pale and slightly wet from washing it after you puked all over yourself. How romantic and sexy of you. Gerard couldnโt care less, obviously. His fucked up nails scratched your cheek, hazel eyes staring into your tired ones. โShit..โ he breathed out, already closing the gap between the two of you.
His dry lips met yours, and it was like you never broke apart.
Gerard slowly pulled you to him, lifting your face from the cold wall. He cradled your face in his hands, holding you pressed to him as he moved his lips in sync with yours, not pushing you any faster or slower than what you wanted. You sank onto him, your face dissolving into his, body giving up and collapsing to his warmth like it was the only thing that could hold you up right now. You let out a soft sigh against his lips, allowing him to gently poke his tongue through. You accepted it right away, moving yours against his slowly, savoring the taste of him. Alcohol, cigarettes, something so Gerard you couldnโt put your finger on.
You felt a little disgusting, maybe a lot disgusting, but Gerard didnโt seem to care, so neither did you.
His fingers found your jaw, his other hand traveled down to your waist as you kept kissing on the bathroom floor, every emotion from the past couple of months getting poured into this, from both sides. You probably started crying at some point, because Gerard pulled back, both of his thumbs finding your wet cheeks, wiping your tears off as he stared into your puffy eyes. โNone of that, baby..โ he mumbled out, running his fingers through your hair again, so gentle it almost hurt.
โI- I missed you, couldnโt , fuck, m so sorry..โ you hiccuped, your face falling into his chest as tears started streaming down your cheeks. Gerard wrapped his arms around you, pressing kisses to your head, almost cooing. โTs all my fault, you didnโt do anything , sugar. Ts all on me.โ He quietly spoke, almost like he was talking to himself more than to you. Like he said it to hurt himself, to remind him how wrong this all was. Youโre drunk. Shit.
Gerard looked down at you, nibbling on his lower lip, thinking about his next action. โIโm sure yer exhausted, baby. Letโs put you to bed, yeah?โ His heart thumped in his head as he shakily helped you to stand, holding you up with both of his arms. It hurt him to say it, hurt him to know he has to leave you, he knew you deserved better, he knew it all along.
You held onto him as you shook your head, refusing to let him go. โDonโt leave me, please..โ you breathed out, face pressed into his neck as he walked with you, the back of your knees hitting your mattress, causing you to fall back. Gerard crouched above you, standing on his knees as he made a comfortable nest around you, wanting nothing but seeing you at peace, calm, far from any stress he caused you. Guilt ate him alive, clawed at every part of his skin.
โYou donโ know what yer saying, sugar.โ His voice was slurry, almost like it hurt him to say it. Like he himself couldnโt believe the words that left his mouth. You immediately sat up, the motion making you see black, but you didnโt care. You were drunk, yes. But those werenโt feelings that started to float when drinking. You knew what you wanted, and even if it was wrong, Gerard was right there. โPlease, Gerard, look at me.โ You tried, stabilizing yourself on your hands as you watched him stepping away from the bed, refusing to look at you again, knowing he wonโt be able to resist if he did.
โLook at me, Gerard.โ You tried again, collecting every ounce of energy left in your body to make your voice firm enough to catch his attention. It worked. Gerard looked up, moving hair from his face as he did. The moonlight from the window made him look even paler, his lips redder from the kiss you shared. Every part of your body ached for him, and you knew heโd collapse on you right away once you open your arms.
Exposing yourself to him, like an abused cat laying on its back because it trusts you enough. Gerardโs heart hurt as he sank onto you right away, his face finding your neck, his arms wrapping around your waist as he held onto you for dear life. He wondered if thatโs how you felt during those nights, when you nursed him back to health after god knows how much shots too many. It was his turn to cry, his tears wetting your sensitive skin. He mumbled out apologies between sobs, it was barely audible, but you knew what he meant. You stroked the back of his head gently, patting his hair and allowing him to let it all out. โM sโsorry, y/n, missed you so fucking much.. fuck..โ he sniffled, finally pulling back and wiping his tears with the back of his hand. You watched him, unable to feel anything but need and love for the man you were supposed to hate.
It was gentle at first, mimicking the one you shared in the bathroom, but it quickly escalated. His fingers dug into the flesh of your waist as yours dug into his scalp, pulling him impossibly close as you dragged yourself back until your back hit your pillows. He followed you, hovering above you as he rubbed his tongue against yours, allowing you to pull him flush against your chest. You separated your legs, desperate to feel him as close as you could. Itโs been too long, you thought.
Gerard could no longer hold back. His biceps flexed by the sides of you as his arms held you tight, almost too tight, but it didnโt matter. He sloppily kissed down to your jaw and neck, savoring every little sigh that escaped your parted lips, like it might be the last one heโll ever hear. He switched places with you, lifting you for a moment to sit down, and placing you back on his lap. Your arms wrapped around his neck as he kept gently kissing yours, leaving a wet trail all over any exposed flesh he could find there. You softly tugged at his hair, pulling him back so you could look down at him.
โI want you, Gerard, please..โ your voice was gentle, not wanting to hear anything about you being drunk, and him feeling guilty about it. Lucky for you, your eyes probably told him everything he needed to know.
โOkay.โ He whispered back, and you couldnโt help the sigh of relief that left your mouth. You removed your shirt quickly, not giving him any time to second guess himself before bringing your hands to your back to unclasp your bra. He helped you, his bigger hands fiddling with it until it dropped, exposing you to him. Gerard practically whined, flattening his palms on your back as he kissed between your breasts, inhaling your scent that he thought heโll never get to experience again. You arched your back to pull him further against you, your fingers pushing his head closer, encouraging him to continue.
โYer so perfect, y/n, so fuckin perfect.. canโt believe I ever let you go..โ he mumbled, taking one of your nipples into his mouth, making the end of his sentence sound muffled. He swirled his tongue around it, making you whimper as you basked in the feeling of him finally holding you again. Gerard moved to the other, not separating from you even for a second. He sucked onto your breast, claiming you again with a purple mark before gently biting the same spot. You moaned his name, and he immediately swallowed it with his mouth. He couldnโt have enough of you. He wanted to be everywhere all at once.
Gerard bit your lower lip, drawing a needy groan out of you. โYer teasing me..โ you mumbled out, your hips already moving against his, chasing that friction you missed so terribly. He smirked, moving his hands down to your hips, encouraging your movements while matching them with his own. His jeans already tented at the front, and the rough denim made you dizzy. With a loud whine you pulled him to you again, kissing him with nothing but tongue and teeth as you rubbed onto him harshly, not giving him any room to breathe. Gerard humped back, soft whimpers leaving his mouth and right into yours.
It felt so good. So natural. Like nothing changed.
He was home, and you were finally back.
Without breaking the kiss, your fingers found the hem of his shirt, hurrying to pull it up so you could feel his warmth. Gerard helped you, wiggling it off and pulling apart from you just for a moment to throw it off to the side. Your hands immediately found his soft flesh, your palms flattening against his chest as you started to kiss down his neck. His Adamโs apple bobbed as you nibbled on his collar bone, making him throw his head back, his hands resting on your hips and allowing you to do as you pleased. โYer the one teasing now, baby..โ he breathed out, looking at you through his lashes, his plush torso raising and falling fast.
You smiled for the first time tonight, biting down hard onto his skin. Gerard let out a little yelp that made you giggle and sooth it with your tongue. โIโm allowed to.โ You replied, and Gerard couldnโt say no to that. You continued to explore, too many months of being apart from him made you realize how you missed every aspect of his being. The soft black fuzz on the middle of his chest, reaching all the way down until it disappeared under his jeans. His pretty pink nipples, his soft love handles, decorated with some stretch marks you adored. He was everything you could ever want, he was exactly what you needed.
You stroked his chest down and you reached his belt buckle. The bat one. His favorite.
You chuckled and started to fiddle with it, the motion still a little too rough on your slow mind. Gerard was kind enough to help you, his own grin shining in the dark room. โM sorry for the amount of obstacles.โ He joked, making you roll your eyes as you worked on the button, finally getting it to open with a curse under your breath. Gerard lifted his hips up so you could move his jeans a little lower, just enough to expose his tented boxers. The outline of his erection made you almost drool as you traced it with your fingers, making his breath hitch. โItโs for you, baby. Only for you. Always for you.โ Gerard breathed out, his fingers finding your wrist as you stroked him through the thin material, holding you there lovingly, thumb caressing your hand as you did what you pleased.
You bit your lower lip and smiled, pulling his boxers down just enough for his tip to pop out. You shuffled back, unable to not act on the wave of desire that just washed over you. You positioned yourself on all fours between his legs, moving his boxers down to the middle of his thighs, just enough for his cock to be fully exposed. The musky smell hit your nose right away, making you move your hips onto nothing. You wanted to feel him inside so bad, but first, you wanted him in your mouth.
You grabbed the base of his cock, and before he got to react the tip was already in your mouth. Gerard exhaled loudly, a whiny edge to his voice as he allowed you to work. You swirled your tongue around it, licking the spot you knew drove him mad. Gerard moaned loudly, one of his hands tugging at the sheets and the other gently holding your hair. It encouraged you to continue. You used the drool that dripped from your mouth and started to stroke him, your other hand moving lower to play with his balls. His hips buckled upward, and you accepted it, taking more of his length into your mouth, moving your tongue against his shaft as you stared up at his disheveled state. Gerardโs lower lip was tuckered out, hairs a mess, eyes so black there wasnโt any hazel left and breath so fast you thought he was going to pass out. His tongue rested on his lower lip as his hand slightly helped you move on his dick, soft whines and moans leaving his mouth.
โm-missed you sโmuch, babe. Yer so fucking perfect , holy shit , yer incredible, honey..โ he mumbled, moving his hand to your face, gently caressing your cheek as you continued working on his cock. His praise went straight to your core, that got wetter by the second. You obviously didnโt want him to cum like this, and after another minute you pulled back, breathing heavily and wiping the drool off your chin with the back of your hand. Gerard didnโt waste a second before he pulled you down to capture your lips in a kiss. He was never one to care about those things, and especially not now.
Your lips connected with so much passion it almost hurt. His hands traveled down, finding the hem of your shorts and making a quick work of opening the button. His fingers caressed the upper part of your ass, encouraging you slightly remove yourself from him, just so you could remove the pants completely. Gerard did just that, helping you to shimmy out of them before quickly pushing you back down- nothing between you but the delicate fabric of your panties. The rub was much more intense, making the both of you moan into each other mouths. Gerardโs hands stayed on your now exposed ass, moving your hips against his aching cock, making your sensitive pussy rub all over him, the sensation making his eyes roll back.
โfucking hell, baby.. just like that..โ he breathed out, exposing his throat to you, always falling into his submissive space, allowing you to take all the pleasure you wanted from him. One of his hands moved to the front of your panties, two fingers pressing onto your clothed clit right away, like his hands knew your body better than his eyes. It was your turn to collapse onto him. His experienced hands held you there, one making you press against him, the other rubbing circles onto your sensitive bundle of nerves, making waves of pleasure run through you. You whimpered his name, face pressed to the sweaty skin of his neck as you clung onto him, allowing him to give you the pleasure your body oh so craved. โCum for me, y/n, let go, sugar.โ Gerard whispered next to your ear, the movements of his fingers only getting faster and harder, knowing exactly what you need.
And then you did. It washed over you from head to toe, making you press impossibly closer to his warm body. It was like you never experienced him before. The intensity of the moment making you teary again, unable to stop heaving and moaning against his skin. Gerard cooed you down from your high, pressing kisses to the side of your head as his hands moved to sooth your waist and hips, thumbing at the sensitive flesh of your lower stomach. You breathed heavily, finally looking at him again when you felt you could actually see straight. Gerard only smiled at you, loopy and so so needy for you. You pressed a soft kiss to his lips, and moved to lay beside him, pulling him right after you, caging yourself under his weight.
Gerard giggled, and you with him. You loved his laugh. You loved everything about him.
โYer so beautiful, honey.โ Gerard spoke softly , tugging a piece of hair behind your ear, stroking your cheek softly. His fingers traveled down to your panties, holding the hem of them. โMay I?โ He asked, quickly removing them as you nodded. He bent down, kissing your lips, and traveling down to your jaw, neck, chest, and stomach. Anywhere he could reach. He pressed a longer one to your still sensitive clit, making you arch and whine softly. Gerard chuckled pressed to you, and moved to kiss your inner thighs, knees, calves and ankles. He worshipped every part of your body, apologizing to every cell and every blood vessel, making sure you knew how much he loved you and cherished you. He kissed his way back up, his fingers staying on your soaked pussy, running them up and down your folds.
You stared up at him, nodding, not wanting to ruin the silence that stretched between the two of you. He smiled softly, pressing his lips to yours as two of his fingers penetrated your aching hole. He immediately curled them upwards, scratching that spot inside of you that made you see stars. You moaned into his mouth, making your tongues meet once again as he repeated his movement, slowly opening you and making you ready for his cock. After a long minute of this, he started pistoling them in and out of your cunt, making your entire body jerk and arch with nothing but pleasure. He swallowed every moan and every sigh, his cock painfully hard and pressed to his lower stomach.
โM dying to feel you, baby. Can I?โ Gerard whispered, not stopping his movements, kissing your jaw. You werenโt coherent enough to process his words, his fingers fucking your brain out of your ears. โCan I make love to you, sugar?โ He asked again, stopping his fingers for a second to force you to answer him. You nodded frantically, already wrapping your legs around his hips, encouraging him to fuck you already. โPlease, Gee, need you so bad..โ you added, voice strained and shaky with desire.
Gerard didnโt need to be told twice. He brought his fingers to his mouth, licking your juices off, groaning in pleasure at the taste of you. Your mouth dropped open, staring up at him in awe as he brought his hand down again, this time to his cock, spreading his drool and your wetness all over it, making sure he could enter you swiftly. When his tip touched your folds, it was like your first time with him all over again. Your hands found the back of his neck, pulling him to you, mumbling please over and over again, needing him inside you. Gerard giggled, and started to push into you. The giggle soon turned to a low moan, vibrating straight from his chest, making you clench around him. He pressed his forehead onto yours, heaving as he slowly filled you up completely, inch after inch. He was thick, not too small and not too big, just perfect.
Your ankles locked against his ass, the stretch driving both of you insane as you just soaked it all in. His hips started to thrust slowly, savoring every second of remembering exactly how perfect you were for each other. He kissed you gently, rubbing the tip of his nose against yours, a gesture that made your body burn somehow even hotter. โI love you, baby. I love you so much..โ Gerard whispered, the tip of his cock hitting you just right, making your reply sound all moany and pathetic. He couldnโt care less, he needed you to hear him. โM so sorry, darlin, I missed you so much, fuck.. e-every second and every day.. couldnโt stop thinkin about you.. prettiest girl in the world..โ he mumbled, soft whispers escaping his lips as he spoke, his thrusts getting deeper and faster as he continued.
Your answer was moans and whines of his names, soft mumbled โlove youโs, and mainly taking him all in. You were full of too many emotions, you just needed him to take care of you, and he did just that. His hands stroked your entire body, massaging your breasts, your thighs, everywhere he could reach while burying his dick in your warmth.
โIโll never let you go again, y/n, yeah? Shit.. n-never gonna let it happen..โ Gerard spoke, his voice breaking, almost like he was about to cry. You wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him tenderly. โI know. I love you, Gee. Loveyousomuch..โ you mumbled, head quickly tipping back again at a sudden hard thrust.
Gerard threw his head back, your words making him fuck you harder, wanting to prove how much he truly missed you. You allowed him to, encouraging his rough movements, moaning his name loudly. โM gonna cum, baby. Gonna fill you up-โ he warned, voice all high pitched and whiny as his dick started to kick inside of you. You quickly nodded, tugging at his hair, making him moan. โCmon, wanna feel you..โ you practically begged, your own voice sounding on the verge of tears as he finally let go.
With a loud, choked moan, Gerard came, immediately kissing you hard, all teeth, all moans. He held you close as you came down from it all, breathing heavily onto each other. Your fingers found his back, gently scratching it, legs finally unlocking from his hips and resting by the side of his exhausted body. After another long minute of silence, Gerard lift himself up, smiling at the sight of you. โHey..โ he mumbled, resting his cheek on your boobs. You giggled, ruffling his hair. โHey.โ You replied, staring down at him. โYer okay? Need anything?โ He asked, still stroking your body, wanting you to feel nothing but safe and loved.
You shook your head, closing your eyes for a second. โJust you. Maybe some water, actually.โ You added, nibbling on your lower lip as he smiled, hissing softly as he pulled his cock out. โRight away, sugar.โ He pressed a kiss to your forehead, his legs a little shaky as he grabbed the bottle of water from earlier before heading back to you. You thanked him, drinking some as he sat on the edge of the bed. โEverything okay?โ You questioned him. You knew him well enough to tell he was thinking about something. โHm?โ Gerard looked up, running his fingers through his hair. โOh, itโs nothing.โ He nibbled on one of his poor fingers before dropping it. โItโs just.. I dunno. I want you back, y/n. I canโt let it end right here. Iโll never forgive myself. And I know that yer drunk and I know that itโs a bad time but-โ
โI want you too, Gerard. Never stopped wanting you.โ You cut him off, taking another sip of water, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. Gerard sighed in relief, immediately closing the gap between the two of you, kissing you so softly it almost hurt.
โI love you, y/n.โ He whispered. You smiled, pressing another kiss to his lips. โI love you too, Gerard.โ
Comfortable silence stretched between the two of you, and sleep was fast to come. Youโre probably gonna regret this in the morning. But the morning is in a while. And youโre oh so in love right now.
