#alf arless

Your parents and siblings questioned your not going to see Alf, but you continued to evade further questions by either telling them he was busy in the fields and you did not wish to distract him. Though you knew your now melancholic demeanor made them suspect you were lying.

You managed to go without seeing Alfie for the rest of the day, but you knew you could no longer avoid him. For the main reason you came back to Lark Rise today, was to celebrate your fathers birthday. And since the people of Lark Rise are so closely knit, every ones birthday was celebrated publicly, with an evening party.

When everyone had gathered and began to talk and dance with one another, you spotted Alf across the road. Seeing him alone, you felt relieved, and giving into your feelings, did not avoid him when he spotted you. When he had he grinned and walked quickly over to you, "Y/n! There you are, I've been wondering where you were at"

You tried to disregard the way his smile made you feel, and quickly covered your actions with a lie, "I had looked for your earlier, but could not seem to find you."

"Oh, well-" He began, but stopped when from behind, someone grabbed him, before the girl from earlier appeared at his side.

Seeing Alfie smile in surprise, you felt your heart drop, but kept the smile present on your face, though it was not nearly as bright as before.

"Hey! Oh, Y/n, this is Clara, Clara this is Y/n, my best friend." Alfie introduced the two of you, with no idea how much the introduction hurt you.

You smiled at the girl and nodded in greeting. She smiled at you, and grabbed onto Alfie's arm, causing a pang of jealousy to shoot through you. "Thank you for inviting me Y/n." She said with a cheery voice.

You quirked your brow, but kept your voice kind, "Oh, I didn't know I had." You looked at Alfie, whose demeanor now changed to being a bit more uncomfortable than before.

He let out an awkward chuckle, "I had looked for you earlier to ask if Clara could come, but I couldn't find you, so I just assumed you'd be okay with it."

You smiled, but Alfie had begun to pick up on the change in your demeanor. "Of course. The more the merrier. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go be with me family. Enjoy the party." You smiled, and without looking at Alf, turned and left.

Alfie watched you go, confused before looking down at Clara who looked at Alfie with as much confusion. "I thought you said they were really nice?"

Alfie was a bit startled at this comment, but pushing it down, made and excuse for you, "Of course they are! Y/n's the best, something must have happened, maybe with their work." Looking back up and, and finding you, now sitting by the fire with your father, noticing your face full of sorrow that made his heart twist. 'What had happened?'

As you stared into the fire, you were perfectly aware of the concerned look Queenie gave you from where she sat. Finally looking up at her, you gave her the best smile you could, but you knew she could see through it no matter what.

When the sky grew darker, and the music had began, you forced yourself to push down your feelings, to be happy with your father. You danced with your family, and laughed with them, but could not ignore the pang of hurt that rocketed through you every time you saw Alfie and Clara together.

Throughout the night, you had not once dance with Alfie, which was peculiar to everyone who noticed. But after seeing Alfie enjoying the company of another, they all understood why that was. They also began to understand why you appeared to be much more quiet than normal.

Alfie, having noticed your determined avoidance, began to grow anxious for you, and irritated with Clara, who was determined to keep him from you. Finally finding an excuse to get away from her, when he spotted you going to retrieve a shawl for your mother, followed you.

"Y/n!" He called your name right as you entered your home. Looking back, you spotted him, but continued into the house. Alfie followed you inside and stood awkwardly in the doorway. "Are you alright Y/n? You seem to be hurting in some way, did something happen in Candleford? Are you ill?" He questioned with an air of his familiar fondness for you. The fondness that had helped you to fall for him, and now softened your contempt.

You let out a sigh as you grabbed your mothers shawl before turning back to him. "I am fine Alfie, just a bit out of sorts. I had no intention of telling you of them, as I would not wish to ruin your fun."

He let out a dry chuckle, "Alfie? You never call me that...did I do something?" He asked now worried, it was only ever 'Alf'. It was not so different than 'Alfie', but it still sounded odd coming from you. It felt formal, distant.

The look on his face softened you even more, and you found yourself falling into the effect of his dark round doe-eyes. "It doesn't matter right now. I don't wish to make this evening any....I want it to remain as it is. Go back to Clara, Alfie, have fun, don't worry about me."

Alfie was alarmed by the lack of emotion in your voice, but the overflowing emotion behind your eyes. Why would you not tell him what was wrong? Was it because of him? Before he could ask anything further, you pushed past him and quickly returned to the fire, giving your mother her shawl. He followed a bit before watching from a distance, as you whispered to your parents something that made them give you a look of concern. But after nodding at you, Alfie watched as you left the party and wondered into the darkness outside of Lark Rise.

'Surely you weren't returning to Candleford in the middle of the night?' Following after you with concern, he was unaware of the many watching him follow after you, as well as the hopeful smiles of Queen, Emma and your parents.

As you breathed in the cold night air, walking down the path into the wooded area nearby, you were unable to stop the tears that welled up in your eyes. You had not understood how much you had begun to fall for Alfie. Not until you saw him with another, not until you saw him so interested in someone else. And you now understood, that those hopes you had about him feeling the same, had more weight over you than you thought. The times you caught him looking at you must have been nothing for than a fond familiarity.

You were suddenly startled by a voice coming from the darkness behind you. "Y/n! Where are you going? You can't think of walking back to Candleford tonight?"

You turned back, and seeing Alfie approaching you, stepped back a bit, hoping the darkness would cover your face, so he would not see your tears. "of course I'm not!" You said suddenly "I just wanted to take the air." You said, hoping he would be relieved with your answer, and leave you to yourself.

But as he continued to approach you, you quickly went to wipe your eyes, to hide the real reason you had run off into the darkness.

Alfie, seeing you do this, halted a bit in his steps, and you saw how his face fell, and was replaced by worry. Walking up to you, he reached out, grabbing your shoulders as he peered at you, "Y/n, what is it, please tell me what's wrong?"

You let out a hurt scoff as you pulled yourself away from him, you ignored the hurt that crossed Alfie's face as you did this. Turning away from Alfie, you felt your chest tighten when Alfie spoke, "Y/n?" His voice was soft, hurt, and you couldn't help but fill guilty.

Turning back to Alfie, he frowned when he saw a tear slip down your face. You saw him begin to move towards you, but he stopped himself, and just watched you, waiting for you to speak.

"Alf." You began, and Alfie felt a little relief at the sound of his name, the way you always say it. "I'm sorry, all of this, what I'm feeling, I- I don't know how to explain it. It does...have a lot to do with you, but the reason behind it, is my fault."

He frowned and shook his head a bit, even more confused. But waited for you to continue.

"We have been so close, for so long Alf. I can't stop- I couldn't stop the way I thought of you changing. From... childhood fondness for a close friend, to...." You saw Alfie's face change, as he realized what you meant.

Not wanting to face the rejection sure to follow, you continued, wanting to finish what you started. "Because I see now Alf, that the hope I felt was for nothing. I found myself falling for you with a hope that you would do the same. But seeing you with Clara, the way you looked at her, I see now that it was stupid of me to think you would see me as anything other than your clumsy childhood friend." You let out a desperate sigh as another tear fell down your face. "All I've ever wanted was for you to see me. But now I know, you never will."

Alfie, felt his heart pounding heavily as you spoke. The realization of the pain he had caused you, rushed through him. He felt guilt for hurting you, and anger towards his own stupidity at missing it. Stupid for pushing his own feelings down when you had felt them too. He had fallen for you years before, seeing how you had grown into a young adult, mature but still sweet and kind. Of course he could not stop himself from falling in love with the person you had become.

But he was determined to think less of himself, he was determined to think you would move on, fall in love with someone else, someone more worthy for you than he was. He never imagines that you could ever love him the same way. But now he knew just how wrong he was, as you cried for him, as you were hurt by him.

Feeling a swelling of emotion in your chest, and knowing you could not face Alf's rejection, you spun around, intending to run away.

Alfie, noticing your intention to run, quickly darted forward, he grabbed your elbow and spun you around. before you could protest, you were caught off guard when he pulled you into a kiss. His lips slammed against yours, in an awkward yet determined kiss to prove you wrong.

Pulling yourself away from him, you avoided his eyes, and asked in a desperate whisper, "Why did you do that?"

"Because I love you." He responded, softly.

Your eyes shot up to meet his, laced with surprise and confusion at his confession. "I have for so long Y/n." He began with a smile, but it quickly fell when he continued. "I never thought you would see me the same way. I've always thought you'd find someone in Candleford, I...convinced myself of it and broke my own heart. I sat around here, waiting to see you every time you came back, tortured myself with the knowledge that you'd never want to be with me. I do see you Y/n, I have seen you so much that it hurt. I only entertained Clara because I wanted to distract myself from you. But I see now, that even thought I saw you for everything I loved, I never saw how you felt. And I have never felt more the fool."

You took in his words, and let tears fall freely down your face now. Letting out a laugh you shook your head, "I think we're both the fools. Oblivious to nothing but each others feelings."

Alfie chuckled, before pulling a bit closer to him, "I'm sorry I hurt you, I promise I have no intention of being with anyone but you. If you still want that I mean."

"Of course I do Alfie."

He smiled at you, fondly and lovingly. Noticing his eyes glancing back to your lips, you smiled softly at him. Locking eyes for a moment, you both leaned in slowly, before your lips met in a softer, more delicate kiss than before. Wrapping your arms around his neck, he wrapped is own around your body as he pulled you closer to him, nearly lifting you off the ground as he did so.

All of your previous pains and worries washed away as you held onto each other, and knew with pleasure, that this was the first kiss of many, and only the beginning of your joint happiness.

xx End xx