_______________________

Despite it being short, Jun still was happy to see him regardless. Of course he wished it was longer but fate had other things in stored for them. Jun didn’t realized that he had the biggest smile on his face while scrolling through his messages on his phone when Maya slammed her hands on Jun’s desk.

“Jun!”

“Y-yes?” He stammered as he quickly put his phone face down.

Maya blinked. “Were you looking at porn?”

Jun gave her a serious look. He rested his chin on his hands and batted his eyelashes. “Do you really think me, of all people, the cutest and most innocent person in the world, would look at that?”

Maya thought for a second as she put her hands to her chin. “Yes. You're a big contender for watching all the nasties.”

Jun frowned. “How dare you.”

Maya laughed. “So anyways, I was online and I saw this hilarious video and-”

Before she could say anything else, another classmate Neha came up behind Maya and tapped her shoulder. “Hey Maya you coming?”

Maya perked her head to the side. “Coming to what?”

Neha took a step back and had a confused look on her face. “I posted all over social media that I’m having a party tonight. The soccer guys will come with drinks. If you know what I mean… but you in?”

Maya shrugged. “Yeah sure, why not?”

“Alright I’ll see you at 7 then.” Neha was about to leave when she saw Jun and hesitated. “You should come too.”

Jun only responded with nodding but she didn’t even see as soon as she turned. “I don’t think she really meant that.”

“I don’t think she really means anything to anyone so don’t worry.” Maya retorted back.

“But are you going?” Jun asked.

“Probably we will see how much my ambivertness will lead me. Do you want to go?”

“Uh maybe…” Jun looked back at his phone and quickly sent a text to Ruki.

Jun: Hey so Neha says she has a party tonight and mentioned the soccer team is coming with drinks are you going?

“Alright well let me know if you’re going. At least I will know one familiar face if I go.” Maya whipped out her phone and started tapping. “Anyways, this is the video….”

________________________

________________________

Jun was one of the first people at the party. He sat on a couch in the basement feeling incredibly isolated with his red cup of water. He kept checking his phone going back and forth at his conversations with Maya and Ruki if they were coming or not. He hated being in situations where everyone knew each other except him. He knew of them, but not well enough to bring up his courage to have a conversation with them.

His phone buzzed and it was from Maya.

Jun sighed silently. Now he had to stay with a bunch of people that he didn’t know or wasn’t comfortable with. He hoped Ruki would get here soon but he didn’t want to send another text to look annoying. Even though he texts him everyday he still had those tight anxious feelings.

A girl with long blonde hair flung her body on top of the backrest of the couch that startled Jun. He looked closer and realized the girl was Romy, one of the more outgoing and popular girls on the cheerleading squad. Romy looked up and flashed a boxy smile. Jun could smell from her she probably had some alcohol in her system already. “Hey I think I’ve seen you before? You hang out with Ruki a lot.”

“Jun,” Jun quipped. “I’m in your English class.”

“... 6th period?”

“Yup.”

“... Oh yeaah Jun! You’re the kid that argued Mr. Roberts about that one jungle book.”

Jun winced. That was not his proudest moment that he almost made his teacher mad over the symbolism in The Heart of Darkness and he wouldn’t stop talking until he made his point final. It was an embarrassing moment for him. “You remembered that?”

“Yeah the way you talked was so cool! I wish I could talk as smart as you.” Then she peered closer and the alcohol smell intensified. “Wow you know, you’re really pretty up close! Is that why Ruki hangs out with you a lot?”

“Wh-what?!”

“Hey do you know his type by the way?”

A roar of loud cheers echoed through the entire house. Everyone around them looked up and started walking toward the stairs.

“Hey the soccer team is here!” Someone shouted.

Romy whipped her hair up and started squealing as she jumped up and down. “Oh my God Ruki is here!” She bobbed towards the small crowd up the stairs.

Jun was the last one to come out. He headed over to the group of people that were crowded around the kitchen. The soccer team stood in the middle of the crowd as if they were a bunch of movie stars. Some of the players were chattering up a storm and others were having their arms around cute drunk girls. Jun scanned the crowd and saw Ruki standing behind Alex who seemed to be in a deep conversation with one of the stoner guys. Jun didn't know how to get his attention without looking like a fool except throw a small wave. He attempted but he didn't see him. Someone shouted to direct everyone back into the basement and Jun involuntarily moved his body with the waves of the crowd.

There were more people in the basement now and Jun felt like he had no choice except to sit back on the couch. He took out his phone and looked back at the stairwell to see Alex walking and talking with the same stoner guy and Ruki following him with a giggling and ditzy Romy clinging onto his shoulder.

Jun turned his head away. For some reason it made him sick to his stomach seeing someone treating Ruki like he was a toy. He got out his phone and saw that there was an unread message from Ruki.

“Jun?”

Jun turned around. Ruki finally met his eyes and nodded towards his direction with a smile. Alex also nodded towards him and seemed to motion Ruki to go over. He brushed off Romy and waved at her as he walked briskly towards Jun. “Is this seat taken?”

“No but it's yours if you start now at $19.99.” Jun smiled as he felt like his mood was starting to come back.

Ruki dug his hands in his sweatpants pockets and pulled out his wallet and opened it. “Aw dang it I only got a 5.”

“Fine. You can sit here. It's free on Fridays.”

Ruki laughed and sat close next to him. Suddenly everything became so much better because Ruki was here and he was right next to him. Jun didn't realize he was leaning a little next to him but it didn't matter now because he just felt so much better that he was finally here. Ruki turned to him. “You doing okay?”

“Mhm.” Jun nodded not taking his eyes off of Ruki’s beautiful dark pupils.

“I'm really sorry that we came late.”

“It's okay I got your text,” Jun replied. “Things like that happen.”

Ruki pursed his lips and closed his eyes as if he was slightly annoyed at himself. “I know but I still feel bad because you were waiting. I didn't want to keep you waiting for me.”

Manny shouted something that was followed with a bunch of cheers. He fisted a beer bottle in the air and popped the top open and started pouring into the cups.

Ruki turned back to Jun. “Do you want a drink?”

Jun held up his red cup. He laughed at Ruki’s horrified face. Jun would be the last person on Earth that would get hammered. “Calm down officer it's just water. But no I'm good. Are you going to go get one?”

Ruki shook his head. “I'm not really in the mood for it. I think I'm good.”

Jun continued to look at him as he set his cup down on the floor. Jun brushed his hand on Ruki’s forearm. “Ruki is something wrong?”

Ruki looked at him with a small smile but Jun could tell that his eyes were telling him something different. “Yeah I’m fine. Don't worry about it.”

“You say that and now I’m going to be worried.”

Ruki gave him a small smile. “I'll be fine don't worry. I think.. I just really missed you-”

“HEY LOSERS WE ARE PLAYING SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN!”

The crowd shifted towards the couch area as they made a large circle with the couch included. Two soccer players sat next to both Ruki and Jun squeezing the two of them like the insides of a sandwich. Everyone else gathered around or sat in a circle on the carpet in front of them.

Neha held up an empty beer bottle and explained the rules. “Alright ladies and gents! It's time to get a little taste of heaven!” An echo of “ooohs” and giggles followed from the crowd. “Spin the bottle and whoever it points to is who you get to be with in that closet over there for seven minutes.” She pointed towards the door on the other side of the room. “Don't worry it's big enough just be safe! If you know what I mean…” A louder slew of laughter ensued. “Alright who's gonna go first?”

“Me! Me!” Romy shouted.

Whooping and laughter increased as the girls handed over the bottle. Romy rubbed her hands on the bottle in a suggestive way which excited the boys. She put the bottle in the middle of the circle and spun. Everyone kept their eyes glued on the bottle with cheering. The bottle slowed to a stop pointing to…

“Ruki!!” The crowd shouted his name in perfect unison that it made Ruki jump out of his seat. He looked at every direction and pointed at himself to make sure it was actually pointing at him.

Manny went over to the couch and slapped his shoulder. “Alright dude have fun!”

For some reason that made Jun’s heart sink to all the way to the ground. Air almost stopped flowing through his lungs like he couldn't breathe. Tears were about to form from his eyes until Ruki turned to him. “We are not going to do anything. I'm going to tell her that.”

“Ruki are you sure you want to do this?”

“Come on Ruki! Time is ticking!” One of the players opened the closet door to reveal that it was dark and cramped with shelves full of random junk. Romy strutted towards the door and waved at him.

Jun felt a hand on his shoulder. “Jun come with me.” Jun turned around to see it was Alex. Alex turned to Ruki. “Just go. I'll take care of it.”

Ruki nodded as if he understood what he meant. “Thanks man. I owe you one.” Then he turned to Jun and nodded. His eyes seemed to say to trust him and Jun had no choice but to accept that.

Ruki walked over to the closet as the soccer players scooted both him and Romy into the tight dark space. Neha started the countdown as soon as the door shut. “Have fun guys! Don't get too crazy in there!” she called to them.

Alex motioned Jun to come with him to the back of the basement as far away from the crowd as possible. The rest of the party goers were too busy cheering them on from outside of the closet or drinking more beer. Jun tried to turn his head away but it was making his heart accelerate into a cold sweat. “Jun are you going to be okay?” Alex asked. He wasn't very good at showing his emotions but after know him for about a year Jun could tell he cared despite his cold exterior.

“Yeah…” he lied.

“Listen Ruki is not going to do anything to her. He knows how to keep his limits and he won't do anything stupid. He doesn't want to make you upset-”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Jun snapped. Alex raised his eyebrows because he had never heard Jun raise his voice like that. “I am not the one in control of what he wants to do it's his life it's his choice.” Jun realized how loud he was when the room got quiet. He turned around and it seemed like people started to give up one by one. He turned back to Alex feeling really guilty. “Sorry.”

“It's fine. I just…” He looked into the distance trying to find the right words. “I know Ruki isn't that stupid. And… he really really cares about you. Like a lot.”

Jun looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“Like… today even. He got really annoyed that practice went over time. He's usually pretty serious when he gives out instruction but he looked like he was mad. He was almost yelling at everyone to hurry up. Everyone was really uneasy too. When I asked why he said it was because he didn't want to keep you waiting.” Alex took a big sip from his cup as if the beer was just water.

Jun couldn't believe that Ruki was actually annoyed that he wasn't able to see him sooner. Before he could ask Alex anything else a drunk soccer player came up and put his arm around Alex. “Hey Alex who's this?”

Alex nodded towards Jun. “That's Jun. Ruki’s boyfriend. The one we were talking about.”

“Alex!” He could see Alex snickering in his cup. “Don't listen to him I am not his boyfriend,” Jun huffed over his already hot reddened face.

The soccer player laughed and waved his hand. “Nah dude the team always jokes that Ruki has a lover because everytime he looks at his phone he looks like he's smitten so we thought he had a girlfriend but Tom over there saw your name so we joke that you're his boyfriend.” Before Jun could process everything he just heard the player took his hand out and tried to be as formal as possible. “I'm Elgar by the way. I'm the second best on the team.”

“Third. Ruki is the second best that's why he's co captain.” Alex corrected him nonchalantly.

“Okay whatever. Third best.” He said raising up four fingers as Alex put down his pinkie finger to end up with three fingers instead.

The rest of the time Elgar started to talk about his practice routine and his bizarre dreams about being chased by a fly monster that Jun tried hard to pay attention but the idea that Ruki was still in the closet with a drunk girl was on his mind. He battled in between thinking everything would be alright and something happened. But if something did happen to Ruki what could he do? It would have already happened and he wouldn't have any control over it.

“3… 2… 1!” The crowd chanted followed by loud cheers. Jun whipped around to see Neha whip the closet door open. Romy jumped out of the closet looking all dizzy and happy with messier hair like she had the most amazing time of her life. Ruki looked like the exact opposite.  He stared at the ground with his hands in his pockets. It was hard to see from the dim lighting but his face looked really flustered and red like after running a marathon. But he also had a look of discomfort and agony as if he went through something horrific. Jun tried to tell himself that his hair wasn't that messy and it was dark so that's why it came out like that.

A couple of guys went up to Ruki and put their arms around his shoulder and started chatting with him what seemed like rounds of congratulations. Ruki only looked up and gave them a smile and one word answers.

Jun found himself walking over. Alex reached out to grab him but he followed him before Jun would do anything rash. Alex grabbed Jun’s wrist and said, “Hold on give it a bit.”

Jun looked back at Alex looking at him with confusion. “Why? He's done.”

“Hey man where you going?” The guy that had his arms around Ruki asked as Ruki pushed him away.

“I just need some fresh air. It was really stuffy in there you know?” Ruki stormed out of his way through the crowd ignoring everyone toward the stairs.

Jun yanked his wrist from Alex before Alex could call out to him. He hurried after Ruki but he couldn't see him anywhere in the house. He walked towards the living room ignoring the gross couple making out on the couch and towards the front door. Outside, Ruki was leaning against the railing on the porch staring out into what was left behind of the setting red sun behind the roofs of the suburbs with the stars starting to appear high above the dark sky.

Jun silently closed the door behind him. When the door locked Ruki turned around and smiled. That sweet smile that made Jun smile back as if it was their secret language. It was finally cool and quiet with just the two of them. The party was behind them now and finally they were alone together. Jun walked towards him as Ruki looked back out into the distance. Jun also mirrored him by slouching on the porch. The sun seemed to sink deeper into the rooftops before the last ounce of light disappeared and it was only the beginning of the evening.

A shiver went up to Jun. He brought his hands up and rubbed his own arms.

“You didn’t bring a warmer jacket?” Ruki asked. There was a slight tinge of sadness in his tone.

Jun had on a light zip up jacket over his thin t shirt but apparently it wasn’t enough. “I thought it would get warmer,” he said as he pulled his arms in tighter. “I get cold easily.”

Ruki chuckled. “I know. And I always tell you that you need to bring a heavier jacket because you’re so thin.”

Jun pouted. “It’s not my fault that I can’t gain weight anymore.”

Ruki got up and locked his arms around Jun. Jun couldn’t stop his giggling fit as he squirmed to get out of Ruki’s arms. But it was so warm and cozy that he felt like this was the safest place in the universe. “You’re right it’s your fault for being so thin so now you can’t get anywhere.” Ruki couldn’t stop smiling as he rested his forehead on the side of Jun’s golden hair.

Jun loved it so much when Ruki did that it felt so intimate even though Ruki was probably playing. Jun scrunched his head up and pretended to be in distress. “Oh no help. I’ve been captured.”

“That’s right. Zhang Junming you’re mine!” Ruki tightened his arms even more around Jun like a barricade and Jun giggled as he turned to face him and wrapped his arms around the waist of Ruki’s plushy sweater. He wanted to be like this for as long as they can, forever if it were possible.

Jun rested his cheek on Ruki’s shoulder. He wanted to ask if anything happened in the closet, but he could feel from him that maybe he didn’t want to know. He didn't know how to even start to ask. In fact, it may have been better to not know what had happened. It might have ended up differently than their relationship now. Even if Jun did find out what difference would it make? It was just one stupid teen game anyway. The Ruki he was with right now, the one that holding so close to him, was the Ruki he knew, not the one five minutes ago.

“Hey,” Ruki spoke softly in Jun’s ear. “Didn’t you say you wanted to try that new ice cream flavor at Rail’s?”

Jun looked up at him feeling the empty cold air from where the warmth of his cheek was. “But isn’t late? And it’s ice cream in fall…”

“But that’s the second best time to eat ice cream! The first one is in the winter.”

“Ruki,” Jun started but Ruki already let go and started heading towards the street. “Can we really just leave the party like that?”

Ruki turned back and called, “If you don’t catch up to the car I’m going to pay for it!”

Jun started sprinting but Ruki already beat him to the car. Jun tackled a laughing Ruki and both of the boys started holding each other for dear life and laughing until their sides hurt.

__________________________

The ice cream was even more magnificent in real life. Pictures didn’t do justice. The ice cream spiraled a perfect swirl with the perfect curl at the top. The sparkly blue sprinkles really did look like it was part of the creamy mixture. It really was like the ice cream version of crystals. It was so pretty and sparkly that Jun was afraid to even poke it.

“If you don't eat it now it's just going to be in a big puddle of shiny goop,” said Ruki coming back from the counter with hot tea.

Jun looked at Ruki wide eyed. “But it's so beautiful. What if I break it?”

“It's meant to be eaten. What else is its purpose?” Ruki took his spoon and rested his head in his hand with a sly smile.

Jun took his spoon and pressed it against his lips. “To look pretty for Instagram?”

Ruki laughed. “Oh my God you would say that.” Then he reached into his pocket to get his phone. “Speaking of Instagram…”

“Wait.” Jun put his hand on Ruki’s arm to stop him but he moved his phone to his other hand to open up the app. “But then everyone would know that we aren't there…”

Ruki scoffed and closed his eyes. “Who cares… no one is going to give a shit,” he muttered.

Jun’s heart almost skipped a beat. That was so unlike something Ruki would say. “Ruki…”

Ruki extended his arm to angle the perfect selfie. “Look up Jun.” Jun looked at Ruki’s camera to see himself and Ruki trying to angle most of the pretty ice cream. Jun quickly posed a peace sign with the spoon awkwardly in his hand. Then Ruki slid his other hand sneakily behind Jun’s back and wrapped gently around his waist and pulled him lightly to get closer in the picture. Jun tried not to show that he was getting red again but kept as cool as he could for the picture.

After a couple of snaps the boys looked at the pictures. Ruki hadn't left his other hand around Jun’s waist but he tried not to think of it. They looked at the photos and landed on one that looked the best out of all of them.

“This one.” Jun pointed. “We look cute in that one.”

“Yeah.” Ruki agreed turning to him. “But you're cute in all of them.” Jun probably lost conscious for five seconds after hearing that. After deciding on a filter they agreed that it was ready to publish. “Let me write the captions and tags. Go ahead and eat first.”

Jun sighed, sad that he had to poke into it. He scooped out a piece and tasted it. He widened his eyes at the first second the confectionary touched his tongue. A shiver went through his whole body but it was a good shiver. It started off extremely milky and creamy that melted so neatly with the after taste of cool fresh mint.

“How is it?” Ruki asked after setting his phone down. He held his other hand around Jun’s waist little tighter and caressed it with his thumb gently.

Jun scooped another bite and nudged the spoon at him, Ruki smiled and leaned down and chomped the whole scoop.

Ruki closed his eyes for a moment to indulge and process the taste. A quick shiver went down his whole body that he let go of his arm around Jun. “Oh man! That is so good! It’s so minty and extra cold!”

“Right?” Jun took another scoop of the ice cream and playfully taunted the spoon of shining blue creamery in front of Ruki’s face. He leaned in before Jun pulled the spoon back into his own mouth in one bite. He shivered at the initial icy bite when the chill moved up to his brain. He scrunched his face at the cold pain. “Arrrg.” He put his forehead on the table trying to internally fight the piercing pain.

“Brain freeze?” Ruki chuckled.

Jun could only nod in pain.

Ruki pushed his steaming mug of hot tea. “Don’t eat it too quick it’s not a race. Here is some ailments to heal you from being frozen.”

Jun turned his head to look up at Ruki who was already scooping himself another bite of the ice cream. He took both of his hands around the warm mug and brought himself to sip the warm bitter tea.

The boys took their time taking in each scoop of the ice cream, sipping tea, and even the basket of curly fries that Ruki ordered later. They sat and talked about whatever was on their mind, even stories of what was going on with the activities they were doing at school. Jun listened intently at Ruki’s locker room gossip and laughing at his attempt to imitate the other players’ distinct voice. When Ruki finished his part of the conversation there was always this silent communication that gave Jun the signal for him to say whatever was on his mind. And as always, Ruki was always listening and commenting when he needed to. Jun finally told him about the new shows he was watching and complaining about all the late night studying he had to do that he realized this might have been the most he’s ever talked in a long time. When he was with other people he was usually closed off like he didn’t want people to get into his life because he felt like he so different from everyone else that people would be turned off from it. But with Ruki, it wasn’t like that. He could tell him anything and he knew Ruki wouldn’t judge or think differently of him. It was a feeling of comfort, something that he cherished everytime he was with him. This was one of the reasons why he loved being with him.

When they were done with the food they noticed that they were the last ones in the entire restaurant. The sun was completely gone with only the street lights that started blinking to life. After a shy bus boy asked them to leave for closing, Ruki turned to Jun suddenly and said, “Do you want to go to the beach?”

Jun blinked. “But isn’t late? It’s really dark.”

“Oh… does that bother you? I’ll be with you the whole time though.”

Something wasn’t right. Usually when it was really late Ruki would ask Jun if he was tired and encourage him to go to bed early. But he didn’t this time. This meant that Ruki really didn’t want to go home. But then again, Jun didn’t want to leave Ruki already either. He couldn’t believe how fast time went by in the restaurant that it felt like they just got there. Jun grabbed Ruki’s arm and nodded.

In a swift movement, Ruki slid his hands and laced his fingers around Jun’s and took him out of the restaurant on their way to the car.

_________________________

____________________________

After a quiet car ride in the dark, they finally reached their favorite spot on the beach. It wasn’t exactly per say on the sandy part of the beach, but it was a cliff that wasn’t very steep and perfectly overlooked the ocean and the rest of the beach. It would have to take a small hike to get to that cliff but was worth it because of the view and no one else seem to have found this spot.

The boys linked arms in silence to rely on each other’s presence in the dark. They listened to the rustle of the grass that glazed against their footsteps. When they reached the edge of the cliff they sat down. The moon was very big and bright that its reflection was so bright that the ocean seemed to sparkle. It didn’t make the night as dark as it was. Jun could see the white beach and the ocean’s crawling waves very clearly. It was such a beautiful sight that he wished that they could go to the beach more often at night. He will have to tell Ruki that later and maybe even more as an excuse to see him.

Jun rested his chin on his knees when Ruki took his seat next to him. “Let me know if you get cold. We can go back to the car.”

“It’s alright I’m fine,” Jun replied. He continued to stare at the scene in front of him. “It’s beautiful here at night.”

“Yeah it is,” Ruki agreed realizing that Jun was talking about the ocean and not himself.

There was a few moments of silence except for the rolling waves in the distance. It was nice that it was just the two of them and the sound of the ocean. Then Ruki broke the silence. “Hey, thanks for not asking what happened back there.”

Jun turned to him. Ruki didn’t look back at him he continued to look out into the distance. He wasn’t sure if the twinkle in his eyes was from the reflection of the moon or it was actually tears. “What do you mean?” He asked. But he knew what it was about, then Jun realized he shouldn’t have asked.

“I mean at the party earlier.”

Jun got up and placed his arms on the grass leaning back. “If you don’t want to talk about it now you don’t have to. You can tell me when you’re ready or even if you don’t want to talk about it you don’t have to.”

Ruki closed his eyes and laid back into the grass. He put his arm across his eyes as if he didn’t want Jun to see what his eyes were emoting. Jun felt like all of the panic rushed to his heart and throat.

“Ruki! Ruki are you okay? I’m sorry if I said anything wrong!”

Ruki grabbed Jun’s arm. Jun’s heart almost broke at the sight. It wasn’t the reflection of the moon that made Ruki’s eyes sparkle. Small tears started forming at the edge of his eyes. “Jun. You haven’t done anything wrong at all. You never have. You’re so amazing and wonderful sometimes I think I don’t deserve you.”

Jun could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He moved his hand and reached Ruki’s hand. “Why.” His voice cracked. “Why would you say that?”

Ruki stared up at the sky. Stars were beginning to appear even though they were hard to see against the bright moon. “Everyone assumes I’m supposed to act or be a certain way because of who I am. I know I talk to a lot of people, I know I get good grades, I know I’m decent at sports, I know I have a lot of girls that ask me out but it’s so overwhelming. It’s like they assume I’m that guy you know? They assume because of that I have to be that person that I play this role and it ends up not being ‘me.’ I’m just pretending to put up this mask in front of everyone because I have to live up to their expectations because they think I am that person. Because I'm ‘nice’ or whatever.” He sighed trying to hold back the tears. It took a moment before he could speak again. He closed his eyes as if he was trying to find the right words. “Romy was one of those people.”

Jun squeezed Ruki’s hand tighter. He tried to push back down the imaginary bile that was up his throat hoping that whatever he heard next wasn’t what he expected.

“I kept telling her no. I kept telling her I don’t want to do this. But she was so drunk. She kept saying ‘But I want this.’” He wrapped his other arm across his eyes hoping Jun wouldn’t see the tears coming down his eyes. “I don’t even know her Jun. I don’t know anything about her other than she’s friends with Amalia and Emily. Yet she kept... kissing me.”

Jun closed his eyes trying to hold himself back. He was prepared but not for what he was about to hear next.

“I kept pushing her back but it was so dark I didn’t want to hurt her either. But she wouldn’t stop. She didn’t just kiss me on the lips. She went everywhere… and….” His words almost became incoherent and Jun could see Ruki’s cheeks becoming wetter that he felt his own tears trickling down his face. “She pulled down the zipper and wouldn’t fucking stop blowing me. I couldn’t do anything I should have pushed her away more but it was like I couldn't move. I never thought… that could happen to me…”

“Ruki.” Jun laid down next to him and wrapped his arms around Ruki’s arm and brushed his forehead against his shoulder. He brought himself into an embrace with Ruki’s arm like curling up next to a pillow. He needed to calm himself down from sobbing as well. He never expected to hear this. It was much worse that he expected. “Ruki I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry it happened to you. You don’t deserve that. You really don’t deserve that. You of all people don’t deserve that to happen to you.”

Ruki turned towards Jun and wrapped his warm arms around him and touched his forehead against his. Now Jun could clearly see the tear stained eyes with blades of grass poking from his cheek. “Why are you apologizing? This isn’t your fault.”

Hearing this made Jun cry even harder. He wasn’t supposed to he was supposed to keep his composure to comfort Ruki. But he couldn’t control it. “But I didn’t do anything. I can’t do anything. Ruki I feel so awful I couldn’t do anything.” He choked in between words.

Ruki wrapped his arms tighter until Jun buried his face in Ruki’s warm soft chest. He kneaded small circles behind his back as he left Jun sob on his chest. “You’re doing plenty. You being here and listening to me is everything to me.” Ruki laughed softly but Jun wasn’t sure if he was also crying more. “This is why I love being with you so much. You’re the only person that doesn’t make me feel like I have to put on a mask. You let me be me. You make me feel like I’m safe and I don’t have to hide anywhere.”

Jun started shaking uncontrollably from the weeping and brought his hands up clinging on to Ruki’s chest. He couldn't believe that someone would hurt him and that hurt Jun more than anything. He held onto the back of his sweater tightly. He quickly wiped his tears but Ruki brought his hands up and gently wiped it for him. It was odd, he should be the one comforting Ruki, not the other way around. “Ruki,” Jun started after catching his breath. “Please. Tell me what you need.”

“What do you mean?”

“If anything like this happens again you have to tell me what to do and I'll do it.” Jun found himself more determined to protect the one he loved the most. His voice carried through that gradual shift of confidence. “I know you always give to others to make others happy but you need them too. You deserve to have the things you want and need. So if there's anything at all, please tell me. Even if it means I have to beat Romy or anyone up.”

“That won't be necessary,” Ruki said quickly. He brought his arms down to Jun’s hands and held them tightly. He rested his forehead again on Jun’s. Jun held his breath at Ruki’s handsome features but felt his heart weep knowing in Ruki’s beautiful eyes more tears were slowly streaming out. “You don’t have to do that for me.”

“Don’t say that!” Jun realized he raised his voice at him and held himself back. “Sorry… I just mean… you give and give to others so much that it will hurt you in the end. I don’t want to see you hurt like this and it’s so unfair that people take advantage of your kindness. You of all people don’t deserve any of that.” Jun could feel tears coming back that was holding him back from speaking in his throat.

Ruki looked shocked from the amount that Jun spoke. He chewed his bottom lip then asked, “Can you promise me you won't tell anyone?”

“Of course.”

Ruki sighed deeply and closed his eyes. A single tear trickled down his eye. Jun brought his finger and wiped it away with his knuckle. Ruki grasped his hand again and caressed it so slowly and so lovingly. “Can I ask you something extremely selfish?”

Somehow that pained Jun’s heart. “Ruki whatever it is I know it is not selfish. Tell me what is it?”

Ruki’s eyes widened in a state of shock. He closed them to let more tears stream down making Jun’s tears follow more. He brought Jun’s fingers so very close to his lips he almost brushed them. “Can you please stay with me? Just for tonight?” He whispered so softly that it was mixed in with the grass rustling in the gentle wind.

Jun brought up his composure, scooted up, and embraced his arms around Ruki’s head and let his forehead touch his chest. It was such a surprising movement that both boys tried to realize what happened. But Jun knew he wanted this intentionally. “I’ll stay with you as long as you want.”

Then he felt shaking underneath his arms. A muffled quiet sob emitted from Ruki. Ruki had always caressed his fingers around Jun’s hair and now Jun was the one to do that for him, It made him feel a little lighter as he comforted Ruki. “What if I asked for forever?” Ruki suddenly asked between his silent crying.

“Then I will stay with you forever.”