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Wish I Didn't But I Do, Remember Every Moment On The Nights With You.

Part III (Final Part)

Read Part I Here: // Part II Here:

Title Comes From This Song:

You leave your small hometown behind, along with the man you loved. What happens when you are forced to reunite?

Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse and heavy drinking. This part also briefly mentions domestic abuse and if that's not something you can handle right now, please look after yourself and I will catch you on the next one xx

CowboySihtric! x Reader

Your heels clicked as you rushed down the pavement, you sighed and watched your breath rise in the cold evening air.

Fall was coming in fast in the city and the air was chilly.

You pushed open the heavy door of the upscale restaurant and a loud “Here she is!” caused all the attention to fall on you.

“Finally!” Aldhelm muttered, coming forward to kiss you on the cheek and help you out of your coat.

“I’m so sorry!” you announced to the room, and to Aldelm at the same time “A meeting ran over but I’m here now!”

A drink was placed in your hand and you began to mingle.

You and Aldhelm had just closed a massive deal which you had been working on for weeks now and finally the client had agreed to sign to your firm.

Tonight was about wining and dining him to sweeten the deal.

While you were very happy with the money and name this client was bringing to the table you were less than happy about the man himself. More than once he had slid his hand up your leg during business meetings or let his hand linger a little too far down your back when he ushered you into a room, and while you were forced to let it slide in your pursuit of signing him, it made you ensure an invite for Aldhelm tonight so you wouldn’t have to face him alone. His real name was Harry but he went under the alias Aethelwold, something he insisted on being called even by those who knew him.

He was reptilian-like and you wouldn’t trust him as far as you could throw him, but with all the time you had spent so unfocused at the ranch you really needed this deal.

The night wore on and the drinks were flowing, many of your team, including Aldelm were drunk and your own head was spinning.

“So tell me,” Aethelwold sneered, sliding up beside you “How does it feel to ride a cowboy?”

You whirled in shock and he laughed “Oh come on all the girls in the office were talking about it,” he continued “If he's used to breaking in horses, surely breaking in a woman like you was no work at all.”

By instinct you went to slap him across the face, but he caught your arm, “Save that for when I’m breaking you in,” he winked and you pulled out of his grasp and made a beeline for the door, sharply inhaling the cold air, forcing yourself to calm down.

Aldhelm followed you right out “Are you okay? What did he say?”

You shook your head and he pulled you to him, you inhaled his deep, calming scent and locked your arms around him as he whispered “He's nothing but a pig.”

“Let's get out of here! ” you laughed and he nodded, before you continued.

“But don’t ever leave me on my own with him again,” you whispered and he straightened in an instant “Not tonight, not ever.”

You and Aldhelm had stopped at another bar up town and threw back drinks as you talked and as you stumbled out into the night air to hail a taxi you really underestimated how drunk you were.

You stumbled into your apartment and collapsed down on the sofa.

“Come on,” Aldhelm laughed, almost collapsing down on top of you, “Come on you can’t sleep here.”

“Just leave me!” you whined dramatically.

“Damn it y/n,” he laughed “At least take your shoes off,” he sighed when he realised you were too drunk to do it yourself and so he slid one shoe off at a time, placing them gently down on the floor.

You were almost out for the count and he decided to carry you across your apartment to your room.

“The things I do for you,” he sighed affectionately, pulling the blankets up around you as he set you down. He switched out the light and was just about the tiptoe across the room when he heard your small voice.

“Stay with me?” you pleaded into the dark and he stilled all actions, heart thumping in his chest “I don’t want to be on my own. Stay with me?”

The logical part of his brain told him to keep going, to walk out the door and leave it be. But the heart that had been in love with you for years, hammered violently in his chest and urged him to stay.

“I’ll sleep on the couch. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“No,” you pleaded, scooting over in the bed “Stay with me. Here.”

He self-consciously stripped down to his underwear, and climbed unsure into bed beside you. You hummed turning into him and laid your head on his chest, and he was praying to god that you couldn’t feel his heart beating a million miles out of it. You snuggled into him a few times getting comfortable until your breathing evened out slow and gentle, and for a few minutes he thought you were asleep until you muttered something in your sleep that made him still all actions and made his heart sink right down to his toes….

“Sihtric.”

When you woke up in the morning, you were almost startled to find a hungover Aldhelm on your sofa.

“You stayed here last night?” you asked softly.

“You don’t remember?” he asked with an expression you couldn’t quite place.

“I don’t remember leaving the bar,” you said after a few moments.

“I put you to bed and you asked me to stay so I slept here.” He lied.

“I asked you to stay? My god I’m so sorry Ald,” you groaned plopping down at his feet as he scooted up to make room for you, you covered your face with your hands, “Did I do anything embarrassing?” you were almost afraid to look at him and he laughed, “No you fell straight asleep and I slept here.”

It was another lie but much kinder than telling you what had actually transpired. Kinder to you and to his heart.

In mid November Finan rang and insisted you should come and spend Christmas with him and Eadith, and you took a look around the office, all your employees were heading home to their families, even Aldhelm had made plans to fly back to his family for the holidays.

“I’m not sure Finan,” you sighed into the receiver of your office phone, “Will he be there?”

Finan took a long sigh and you could just tell he was tugging on his beard “It was like this last time too, she um, she doesn’t really let us see him very often.”

“Oh,” you said sadly.

“Please,” he begged and you laughed, relenting “Fine. Fine, I will spend the holidays with you!”

You heard Eadith cheering in the background and couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face.

That night in bed you couldn’t stop thinking over Finan’s words, Sihtric was being kept away from his friends and you worried for him. His friends were the family he never had but then again, she was his family now, they had had a little girl they called Sara, Gisela had broke the news to you a month or so ago and maybe he was okay with just focusing on his own family now.

You were in the boardroom giving a huge presentation to your investors with figures and projections for the next year, as well as covering targets hit and missed for this one. You had a lot of arselicking to do to make up for the few months you went awol on the ranch and you had been working on this presentation for weeks, but you knew signing Athelwold and the money he had already injected into the business was sweetening the deal ever so slightly.

Aldhelm caught your attention from the glass door outside whilst you were finishing up your last point. He was waving his arms around trying to beckon you out and you flicked your eyes at him to shoo but he was relentless.

You picked up copies of the projections for next year and passed them around the room, “I will give you a chance to have a look over these figures and I will open the floor up to questions, in just a few minutes, if you will just excuse me for a moment.”

You rushed outside and almost shoved Aldhelm down the hall, it was only then you could hear the giggles coming from the desks.

“There is a cowboy in the bullpen,” Aldhelm hissed and you rounded the corner to see where Sihtric was stood, gaze fixed on the floor, looking utterly lost, like a fish out of water, cowboy hat in hand and you felt faint.

“Not now,” you cried, looking back towards the boardroom, “I can’t do this now. Can you please stick him in my office? I’ll deal with him after this meeting.”

“Are you going to be okay?” Aldhelm asked and you shook your head quickly “No, but I’ll have to be.”

The blood rushed in your ears as you began the short walk to your office, your heals clicked almost in time to your heartbeat, but you still heard the hushed whispers and eyes on you from the girls in the office. As soon as you made it to your door you looked in and found Sihtric slumped with his head in his hands on the leather two seater in your office, cowboy hat sat beside him on the empty space.

As soon as the door swung open he stood to attention, his huge mismatched eyes shot up to yours for just a second before he looked back to the floor in shame again.

“Sihtric, what are you doing here?” you asked coming to rest against your desk and you watched him struggle to find the words. You were briefly reminded of the Sihtric you had known as a child, the one who could never meet your eye, the one who stumbled over words and said the wrong things and who flinched when anyone made any sudden movements. This was a far cry from the Sihtric you had left behind a few months ago.

“I - needed you,” he rushed before he shook his head “I needed to see you.”

“Have you been drinking?” you asked softly, trying to come up with some reason for his meekness but he shook his head still refusing to meet your eyes.

“Sihtric, look at me,” you said softly and he shook his head again, and as you made to take a step towards him he lifted his hands up in surrender and in an attempt to halt your movements.

His eyes landed on yours and beneath the shame and tears you gasped at the remnants of the black eye that surrounded his left eye.

“Sihtric.” you cried, heart breaking in your chest as you moved carefully to him and cupped his face in your hands as you inspected his eye “Did she do this to you?” you demanded, forcing the bile down your throat so you wouldn’t be sick.

He nodded so gently you would have missed it if you weren’t holding his face in your hands.

You whispered his name again in disbelief and pulled him to you, feeling him shake like a leaf in your arms.

It took a while and most of your office had emptied out before you finally got what had happened out of him. It started off slow at first, threatening to leave in the middle of the night, telling him their child wasn’t his, isolating him from his friends, breaking his things, breaking things around the house and finally laying hands on him. “She’s done it our whole relationship,” he cried “and I put up with it for so long the first time because I loved her. But this time was different. I didn't love her.. I loved you. And you- You would never do this to me.”

“Never,” you whispered in confirmation.

“But it wasn't enough to make me leave,” he cried.

“Because of Sara?” you asked softly and he looked at you ashamed, but nodded.

“She's not even mine,” he sighed after a while.

“How do you know she's not yours?” you tried.

“The day she gave me this,” he pointed to his black eye “Was because I looked through her phone when she was in the shower,” he fumbled for his phone out of his pocket and handed it over to you so you could see exactly what he had found.

Messages between her and another man, who was evidently Sara’s real father “Take him for everything he’s worth,” one of the messages read and you swore under your breath in shock.

“She came slinking back, because she heard of your Grandfather's death, she assumed the ranch was mine.”

“Sihtric I am so fucking sorry,” you cried squeezing his hand and staring in disbelief at the messages you were reading, and then your eyes landed on one message in particular that had you reeling “She’s out of the picture, and it was easier than expected.”

Sihtric saw what you were reading and took another deep sigh, “It was never about Sara, the reason I chose her-that day you walked in on us,” he looked so small and ashamed that you wanted to scoop him up in your arms and never let go “She threatened to harm you. Threatened to ruin your business, your reputation and I couldn’t let that happen. I know how hard you’ve worked to get where you are, what you sacrificed- I couldn’t let her do that to you. I couldn’t let her hurt you. You’ve been through enough.”

You were almost blinded by tears as you pulled Sihtric to you and his arms locked around you as you cried together, you weren’t sure how long you stayed locked like that but if felt like an eternity.

“Listen to me,” you urged once again cupping his face, gently stroking his cheek so not to hurt him, “Thank you for coming to me with the truth but I promise you, I will never let that woman hurt you ever again. I’ve got you now you’re safe.”

You fumbled with your keys to your apartment as you let yourself and Sihtric in, running around to switch on lamps while he took in your apartment with wide eyes. You knew what he was thinking, this was fancier than anywhere he’d ever been, and then his eyes were back on you in your slinky black dress and heels, a far cry from the small town, ranch girl you were back home.

“Sihtric. I’m still me. None of this shit matters, it’s just stuff-” you said gesturing around your apartment and to the clothes you were wearing,you laughed and then he laughed too, and you showed him into the bathroom so he could shower while you ordered take out.

When he emerged from the shower, his hair falling down in damp loose curls, in track pants and a white t-shirt your mouth went dry.

You too had changed into your pyjamas and let your hair down free, as Sihtric came to join you on the sofa you passed him a cold beer, you poured yourself a glass of wine and informed him that food was on the way.

“This place suits you,” he finally admitted after a few moments of comfortable silence.

“Thank you, I used to think so,” you smiled shyly and his eyes were on you again.

“But to me you will always be the girl I fell in love with in the desert.”

“Oh, she’s still here,” you laughed, taking a gulp of wine. “I just dress her better.”

You were interrupted by your doorbell and you went to collect the food, plating everything up and bringing it back into your living room, where Sihtric was laying back on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling, he looked exhausted and you placed his plate gently on his lap.

You both ate gladly in silence with some game show playing on the tv in the background and occasionally Sihtric would laugh along to something, but your mind was swimming.

You wanted to track her down and hurt her for hurting Sihtric. For tearing you both apart when you so deserved to be happy together, for almost ruining it all.

And it wasn’t until Sihtric called your name that you realised that your phone was ringing.

You froze for a moment when you saw Aldhelm’s name light up before you answered.

“There she is,” he sang when you answered and you could barely hear him over the background noise..

“Aldhelm, are you drunk?” you teased.

“Very,” he laughed and then hesitated, “Can I come over?” You frowned and turned to look at Sihtric who had the decency to pretend he was focused on the show and not listening to the conversation at hand.

“I’ve already got company Ald,” you admitted softly and the line went silent for a moment.

“The cowboy?” he said eventually.

“Sihtric,” you corrected and his anger flared.

“I know his name. You say it in your sleep, did you know that?” he threw and you shrunk a little, because no, you didn’t “So what he turned up all puppy eyed, and just like that it’s all back on?”

“No, it’s not like that,” you tried to defend, but Aldhelm was agitated.

“It’s fine. No really it’s fine,” he sighed “Just do not expect me to be around to pick up the pieces this time when it all goes to shit again!”

“Aldhelm,” you cried genuinely upset at his outburst.

“You really don’t know do you?,” he sighed “That I’ve loved you for six years, but I never even got a look in because of him.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, as you were being forced to confront something you had only suspected.

“Ald,” you pleaded “Please let’s talk about this when you’re sober?”

Aldhelm softened at your plea but you could hear that his heart was broken “You still love him, after everything. Why? Why can’t it be me?” he cried and you bit the inside of your cheek.

“I'm so sorry,” you cried honestly “But it's only ever been him,” you admitted it so softly but Sihtric still turned his head to look at you and you couldn't make out his expression.

The line was silent for a few moments and then Aldhelm sighed long and sad “I’ll let you go.”

“Ald,” you said softly “I promise we will talk about this, I love you,”

“Just not in the way I need,” he sighed and the line went dead.

Sihtric didn’t ask about the call so you finished eating in silence and poured yourself another glass of wine. You could feel a headache coming on and were more than ready to call it a night.

Sihtric leaned back against the sofa and ran his hands down his thighs, you rose and cleared the plates away and Sihtric’s eyes slipped closed.

“You want to sleep?” you asked softly and he nodded, stretching out his legs to lie flat on the sofa. You grabbed a few blankets and pillows and ushered him up just long enough to make the bed, before he collapsed back down exhausted. You brushed a stray curl off his forehead and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Night Sihtric.”

“Goodnight sweet one,” he mused, eyes already closed and breathing evening out.

You tossed in bed, despite the pain in your head. You couldn't sleep.

Sihtric turning up out of the blue, Aldhelm’s confession, and you couldn't stop picturing the purple bruise around Sihtric’s eye, and the burning hatred you felt for the woman who had put it there.

Your eyes filled with tears at the thought of someone hurting him like that, you sighed, turning over, as your bedroom door opened and the warm light of the living room lamps crept into your dark room.

Sihtric stood sheepish at the door, scratching at the back of his neck.

“I can’t sleep,” he muttered and you replied that you couldn’t either.

Without a word you scooted over in the bed and made room for him, he closed the door and gingerly made his way into the bed beside you.

“I can’t stop thinking,” he said after a while, “In my whole life, everyone that I’ve ever loved-You’re the only one who has never- the only one who has never laid a finger on me.”

“Sihtric,” you cried, rolling over to cuddle into him.

Sihtric still bore the scars Kjartan gave him, both the visible ones and the ones that ran much deeper than that. There was a scar on his cheek that made him incredibly self conscious but you had kissed it more times than you could count,to remind him he was beautiful, but it killed you to think that in his adult life someone would inflict that kind of violence on him again.

“You’re safe with me,” you whispered looking up at him through your lashes, and the electricity that swept through you both when he looked back down at you was palpable.

“Did you mean what you said earlier on the phone, that it's always been me?”

You swallowed and nodded gently.

“And he's in love with you? “ he guessed correctly “Y/N I don't want to get in the way of that-if you're happy. “

You hooked your fingers under his chin and forced him to look into your eyes. “There's only you,” you told him honestly, closing the distance to kiss him gently, and he responded immediately, flipping you over onto your back, and settling between your legs.

“This time,” he promised, there's not a bus or woman in the world that's going to make me give you up again.”

It was needy and it was passionate, and when Sihtric pinned you down you were happy to be trapped in his arms. In fact it was all you had thought about ever since you left the ranch. Late at night conjuring up the day he took you out into the desert and made love to you on a picnic blanket. The way the muscles in his arms flexed, or the taut muscles in his stomach moved when he moved had your mouth go dry.

Sihtric’s thrusts were becoming harder and sloppier as he was reaching his climax and you managed to wrangle your hands free to run them up his chest and up into the loose curls at the nape of his neck, you tugged a handful of them in your fingers and he hissed but the hungry smile of his face told you to tug harder so you did, eliciting the most delicious grunt you had ever hear him make as he fell apart.

When he collapsed down beside you, spent, you knew that neither of you would have any issue sleeping now, and as sleep was beginning to overtake you, you heard him whisper into the night.

“I love you.”

You didn't care if it was too much, or too soon because truth be told you'd been waiting to hear those words ever since you climbed on the bus that took you miles out of this very man's life.

“Gods, I love you too Siht.”

You cried waving Sihtric off in the airport, It was two weeks until Christmas and you promised him you would be home for the holidays.

It had been nice to have him wrapped up in your arms again and to experience little things like cooking and eating together and watching those silly little game shows that he loved in the evenings but he needed to get back to the ranch and you were in the busy period of closing up for the holidays, and so you drove back to your apartment alone.

The conversation had been flowing as they sat in the booth, music playing on the jukebox and Finan carried over a round of drinks for the table.

“Are you finally going to tell us where you disappeared to?” Osferth joked and Sihtric who had been quiet all evening finally decided it was time to tell his friends the truth of what had happened with his ex, the blackmail, the abuse, Sara not being his, the whole spiel, and finally how he had flown to see you. He focused on his pitcher the whole time, unable to meet their eyes, and when he finished there were a few beats of silence.

“Why didn't ya tell any of us? We would have got you out of there.” Finan asked, hurt laced all over his face.

“I was ashamed,” Sihtric replied, barely able to meet his friend's eye.

Uhtred was suddenly out of his seat and marched over to close the distance between him and Sihtric, he gripped Sihtric around the back of his neck with one hand.

“You listen to me,” he commanded, voice shaking “You have nothing. Nothing. To be ashamed of.”

Sihtric’s eyes were glistening and he finally nodded in Uhtred’s hands before his friend pulled him into a deep hug.

“She thought the ranch was mine. She smelled dollars where there were none,” Sihtric eventually said with a dry laugh, and Osferth perked his head up.

“But the ranch is yours?” he said confused and Sihtric’s puzzled face, puzzled him in turn.

“Y/n signed everything over to you,” Osferth told him honestly “She left an envelope on the table of her cabin, we finalised it all the day before-” he stopped in his tracks as he realised it was the day before his ex had come back and blown his whole life apart. “But the ranch is yours,” he finished.

Sihtric’s head was swirling, he hadn’t been able to go into your grandfather’s cabin since you left, it was too painful and it reminded him of the weeks he’d spent with you, so he had been none the wiser of your parting gift to him.

Finan slumped back in his chair and shook his head, and Sihtric’s heart was thumping in his chest, why hadn’t you told him?

“I don’t deserve her,” Sihtric eventually said softly and Uhtred interjected.

“You do! It’s always been you for each other since we were kids and I swear to god I will personally not let anything get in the way of your happiness ever again.”

“Me neither,” Finan agreed, “Look Sihtric, that is your girl.You two belong together.”

Sihtric couldn’t help the shy smile that broke out across his face because you always had been and always would be his girl.

“Sihtric wait for me!” you cried as he was a little way ahead of you, and you were a bit more unsteady on your feet.

“Come on Mama,” a little voice called and your heart swole with happiness.

“Give her a chance buddy,” Sihtric scolded “Mama is carrying your little sister in there too,” he smiled affectionately, running a hand across your swollen tummy when you reached him.

“How are my girls doing?” he cooed, and you swatted his hand away with a laugh.

“Sihtric, we don’t know that this one is a girl.”

“I do,” he announced confidently and in three months time he would be proven right when you pushed a beautiful baby girl out into the world.

“Come on!” your little boy shouted, taking off his cowboy hat to see better as he took to running again.

“Where are we going anyway?” you giggled as Sihtric took his hand in yours again, smiling in a way that told you he wasn’t going to give anything away.

There was a picnic blanket laid out on the lush summer grass and you couldn’t help the smile that burst out across your face as you scooped your son up into your arms “So this is where you both disappeared to this morning,” you mock scolded peppering kisses all along his tiny face as he squealed with laughter.

But when you spun him back around, Sihtric was down on one knee, you almost dropped your little boy in shock when you realised and the tears were coming before he had even asked the question.

“I’ve loved you my whole life,” he began, “Even when I didn’t have you, I loved you.”

“Sihtric,” you cried as your little boy went to stand beside him.

“You’ve given me a beautiful home, beautiful children and now it’s my turn to give you something, my mama’s ring and my last name if you’ll have it. If you’ll have me.”

“Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes!” you cried, pulling him up and flinging yourself into his arms, kissing any part of his face your lips could reach as he slid the ring onto your finger.

And he repeated the phrase he told you on the night you turned up at his cabin in nothing but your nightdress “I will always want you.”

Tagging:

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