#ald excerpt

What was she doing here - in a shady strip club at the end of the town? It was Tuesday and she had to go to work tomorrow.

She looked back to the door and thought about turning around and going home. She needed sleep! On the other hand, Eliza doubted she’d sleep at home. It had been a strange day at work and she wouldn’t be able to sleep anyways. The Cullen-family would wander through her mind and dreams like they always did, since Eliza took the case.

Slowly she started walking into the room. There were black leather couches standing at the walls and only few other people around. There was a man at the bar, the bartender and two other men admiring one of the dancers and laughing about some joke.

What was Eliza doing here?

She stepped further into the room. It was not her first time in a strip club. She had been there before, mostly for work. Clubs like this one sadly had a strong tendency to be involved in crimes.

“Inspector?” A husky voice let her flinch. “What are you doing here? Isn’t bothering me at home enough?”

“I…” Eliza regretted turning around and had to close her eyes for a moment. “I didn't know you were working again.”

“So, you’re here to bother my boss or my colleagues?” Amara slowly went down on her knees and smiled.

Eliza had to force herself not to look at all the pale skin and to keep her eyes at Amaras face. “Actually, no. I… couldn’t sleep.”

“And this is what you do, when you can’t sleep?” The smile on Amaras face grew wider and she stood up again.

Eliza tried to look away, but every movement Amara made was terribly distracting. Coming here was a horrible idea! She should have known!

“Am I making you uncomfortable, Inspector?” Amara squatted down and let her hand run down her hip.

“No”, Eliza squeaked and bit her lip. This was her personal nightmare and Amara showed no intention on making anything better.

“There is a male strip club right down the street”, Amara informed her. “Maybe their show would be more… appealing for you.”

“I have no interest in…” Eliza bit her lip again. She shouldn’t have said that! She shouldn’t have said that at all! Why was she so stupid?

“...men?” Amara smirked and sat down on the table, her legs spread wide enough to look Eliza in the face. “What a pity. I’m sure they could have used another customer. What makes you despite men, Inspector?”

Eliza shrugged. “Men are stupid.”

“Most of them are, yes.” Amara closed her legs - a movement Eliza was thankful for - and jumped from the table. “Do you want a drink, Inspector? Maybe it’ll help you sleep.”

It would most certainly do not, but Eliza nodded anyways. On one hand, there was no way she’d survive this night without alcohol, even though she didn't drink normally. On the other hand, Eliza wasn’t sure if alcohol didn't make her loose every willpower and dignity.

Amara went to the bar, while Eliza sat down on one of the leather couches and tried not to look after Amara. It was so unusual to see Amara like this, Eliza wasn’t sure how to deal with it. Especially since Eliza investigated the murder of Amaras sister and she was miserable at it.

Amara came back - two drinks in her hands and a devilish smile on her face.Whatever she was doing, she loved doing it and Eliza wasn’t sure how she should find this.

“Here!” Amara gave Eliza one of the drinks and sat down next to Eliza, crossing her legs and stroking back a black strand of her hair.

Eliza searched her pockets for her wallet. “How much do you get?” “Excuse me?” Amara looked genuinely surprised.

“For the drink.” God, Eliza should just never talk again!

“It’s okay.” Amara put one arm on the couch lean and took a sip from her drink. “It’s just cheap whisky.”

Eliza clung to her glas and dug the other hand into her jacket. “Why are you doing this? You don’t even like me.”

Amara sighed. “Sometimes men aren’t that stupid. Maybe I changed my mind and Damien was right. Maybe you are just trying to do your job and I was a little too harsh on you. I’m sorry for that.”

Eliza couldn’t tell whether she was joking or not. “It’s okay. I’m sure this whole thing wasn’t  easy for you. I am deeply sorry for what you’re going through.”

Amara smiled slightly and turned her glas around in circles. “Absolutely nothing can be changed about it, but thank you. I just hope this is over soon.”

“Me too.” Eliza turned her head and looked at Amara.

Amaras face was alarmingly close and the dark circles under her eyes gleamed under her make-up. There was a little bit of green in the grey of her eyes and Eliza couldn’t bear herself to look away.

Amara raised her hand and took a strand of Eliza's long, blonde hair between her fingers to twist it around. Eliza closed her eyes and held her breath, then Amaras hand touched her cheek and Eliza realized how much she was starving for physical contact. Her last attempted relationship was at least a year ago.

“I’m sorry.” Amara took down her hand and sighed. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Eliza noticed her hand shaking a bit and placed her glass at the small table in front of her. Her mouth felt dry and she could use a sip of her drink, but she was too afraid she’d spill it somewhere.

“Inspector…” Amara didn't finish her sentence, but bit on her lip. Eliza could see her eyes wandering to her lips and back to Eliza's own eyes.

“Eliza.” Eliza's hand dug deeper into her jacket as she tried not to look down on Amaras mouth.

“Eliza.” Amara raised her hand again.

She stroke down Eliza's temple and cheek until she ran her thumb over Eliza's lips so carefully, Eliza felt like crying. Instead Eliza let out her breath and closed her eyes. Then Amaras lips were on Elizas and it felt like something in her stomach was about to explode.

Amara tasted like cherries and whisky and Elizas first impulse was to draw her closer, but Eliza held herself back. What they were doing was incredibly stupid and they shouldn’t, but it felt too good for Eliza to withdraw.

Amaras hands dug into Elizas hair, but she broke the kiss for a second, so she could leap onto Elizas lap and press her body against Elizas. “Aren’t you going to get into trouble for this?”

“Maybe.” Eliza let out sharp breath when Amaras lips touched her neck.

Amara chuckled. “Soft spot?”

They weren’t alone, so Eliza held back a quiet moan and put her arms on Amaras back to pull her closer. “Yes.”

“What do I have to do to make you moan?” Amara kept kissing Elizas neck while her hands searched for a opportunity to slip beneath Elizas shirt.

“Please don’t”, Eliza whispered. “There are people around.”

Well, there weren’t much people and all of them were too distracted by other things to notice them, but Eliza didn't want to take the risk. She hated to be embarrassed in front of strangers.

“Right.” Amara stopped, as if she forgot where they were. “There was this little something about the public. Shall we go somewhere else?”

For a short moment Eliza thought about how wrong all of this was, how she should have kept her relationship with Amara strictly professional for her works sake and how incredibly pissed her superiors would be if they found out about this.

Then she looked at Amara. At the green in her eyes, the dark circles under them and at the way her chest lifted and lowered faster than usual.

“Absolutely”, Eliza answered.

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Compared to what the Cullens were going through, it was nothing. Eliza felt bad only thinking about them - she didn’t even want to think about losing her sister.

She looked at the picture standing next to the mirror. She hadn’t seen June for ages… Maybe Eliza should call her tomorrow.

This case and especially this family were a mystery to Eliza. She tried to find Joshua Cullen, but he was missing without a trace, just like his parents. His mobile was turned off, his credit card was found in his flat and CCTV couldn’t find him.

Eliza couldn’t tell if his siblings knew where he was. All three insisted on their ignorance, but she found it hard to believe. They were hard to assess.

With a shake of the head she opened the water tap and washed her face. Her thoughts spinned around this case too much - it would cost her a lot of sleep.

Eliza put on her pyjamas, then she went into her living room and took the box she got from the chinese restaurant across the street on her way home. She was looking forward to this all day.

She sat on her mattress in the corner and reached for her book, to read while eating, but she was too distracted to concentrate. The words started to blur before her eyes, so she gave up.

It was almost midnight, so calling the forensic medicine department or the forensics team would be useless. Eliza herself was one of the last to leave the office shortly after eleven p.m. She had to finish checking the Cullens finances.

Neither of them had much money - all of them worked and they made enough money to live. There was no sign of any suspicious activities.

Eliza swallowed a bite of her food, then she reached for her notebook and turned on the little lamp besides her mattress, only to put out the ceiling lamp. In the gloomy light, she read her notes once again.

Josh clung into Fleuretys shirt and stumbled into the room. He wanted to walk by himself, but not a single muscle in his body worked. He wouldn’t ever tell him, but he was glad Fleurety was here.

Fleurety placed Josh on one of the couches and sighed heavily. “Alright. See you later.” He hung up, then he frowned and looked at Josh. “Mate, you look awful.”

Josh shrugged. “I know.”

Normally he would have snapped back, but he was too tired to even hold his head up. Instead he collapsed on the couch and closed his eyes. His head hurt and his heart raced even though he didn’t really do something. Fleurety carried him the short way from the elevator to the couch.

“Are you hurt?”, Fleurety asked.

Josh shook his head.

“Then where is all the blood coming from?”

“It’s Yaras.” Josh found her in the bathtub and tried in his panic to stop the bleeding, but it was too late. She was already dead.

Fleurety nodded. “Are you drunk? Are you high?”

Josh shrugged again. He didn’t remember all of what happened since he found his dead sister. He almost needed two hours to get from their flat to the Carillon.

“Well, that’s great.” Fleurety shook his head. “Alright, let’s get you a shower.”

Josh let Fleurety pull him on his feet without resistance and let Fleurety drag him to the bathroom. Fleurety was right, he needed a shower, but he couldn’t keep himself standing alone. He was tired. He was finished.

Yara was dead.

Fleurety placed him on the rug and released him from his grip, whereupon Josh collapsed and fell.

“Mate! Get your shit together!” Fleurety kneeled next to him and shook his head in resignation. “Am I supposed to shower you, or what?”

Josh didn’t answer. He made an pitifully attempt to put of his jacket, but even this failed.

His brain shut down. He barely realized Fleurety undressed him and transported him into the bathtub. Even the warm water washing the blood on him felt hardly real and Josh felt like he was made from plastic. Yaras blood was washed down the drain and Josh felt horrible.

He lowered his head and let the black hair fall into his face. When he closed his eyes, he was back at the flat again. Yara laid in the bathtub - her blue hair drew like strings through the blood and her mouth screamed silently.

It was his fault.

He shouldn’t have left.

He shouldn’t have let her alone.

He should have protected her.

He should have…

“Josh.” Fleurety raised his chin and brushed Josh’s hair from his face. “It’s not your fault and you can’t change it. Your father will take care of everything. Everything is going to be alright.”

Tears rose in Josh’s eyes as he leaned his head against his father's favourite demon and tried to nod. His father would take care of everything. He always did. Fleurety was right - it was going to be alright. Yara was dead, but it would be alright.

Josh’s chest cramped. What was he thinking? Yara was dead. Nothing was ever going to be alright. His lungs stopped working. He tried to catch his breath, but there wasn’t any oxygen. Only pain. Pain which numbed everything else.

“Sh, sh.” Fleurety held him tight and rocked him back and forth. “It’s going to be alright, Josh. Everything is going to be alright. Breathe!”

Josh dug his nails in Fleuretys arm and clung to it. He felt Fleurety running his fingers through his hair and mumbling something he couldn’t understand. His lungs filled with oxygen again and something in him just gave up fighting the pain.

“Josh? Look at me!”

With all his remaining strength Josh lifted his head and looked at Fleurety. He was so close, Josh could see the black in his eyes, which drew through the grey like veins. Fleurety was a demon after all.

A demon whose kiss tasted so good.

His lips were soft and tasted like alcohol and blood. Josh pulled him closer, while his hands dug into his ginger curls.

“Josh.” Fleurety withdrawed and bit his lip. The black of his eyes raged and his voice was heavy. “You’re not yourself. You’re going to regret this.”

“I know what I want.” Joshs voice was barely more than a whisper. “Fleur, please.”

Josh saw Fleur fighting with himself. He knew exactly a part of Fleur wanted to give in, but the other part remembered the situation they were in. Yara was dead and Josh sat crying in the bathtub.

Fleur gave in.

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She sighed, then she went on.

The third floor was silent, but she could almost smell something bad in the air. Amara was sure she wouldn’t like the news she was about to get. Did Alice have another breakdown?

She took her keys out of her jacket and opened the door, only to find Damien sitting on the couch and numerous officers of scotland yard standing in the room. Next to him sat a blonde woman in uniform - she had to be the boss.

“I missed something, didn’t I?” Amara took of her jacket and laid it over a chair, then she stepped further into the room.

Damien got up. “I tried to call you, but you weren’t picking up your phone. Yeah, something happened.”

“Do I want to know?” She leaned into his hug and closed her eyes for a moment. He smelled like always - alcohol and cigarettes - and she loved it. “Is it Josh again? Is it mom? Or Alice?”

He shook his head and put his arms around her waist. “No, it’s Yara.”

The police woman cleared her throat and Amara and Damien let go of each other. “I’m sorry to interrupt. My name is Inspector Elisabeth Bell and I have a bad news and some questions for you.”

“How bad can it be?” Amara crossed her arms. “What did she do? Is she dead?”

Silence.

Damien bit his lower lip. The woman looked at the floor. The other officers admired the walls.

Amara sat down. “Is she dead?”

“Yes”, answered the woman.

Amara started to laugh hysterically. Tears streamed down her face. Tears of laughter and anger and pain. She buried her face in her hands and tried to catch her breath, but she couldn’t stop laughing.

Damien went to his knees next to her. “Amy, did you get was Inspector Bell was saying? Look at me!”

Amara put her hands on his cheek and tried to fight the grin on her face. “Of course I did. It’s just…” She shook her head and put her arms around his neck. Her laughter turned into a silent scream. Her black fingernails dug into his shirt and skin and clung to him like he was the only rock in a sea full of storms.

“It’s okay”, he murmured as he tightened his grip around her and carefully stroke her back. “It’s not, but it’s okay.”

No, it wasn’t. Yara was dead.

Just like that. Simply dead. Dead without a warning.

Dead.

A scream echoed through Amaras head. Bloody prints on white tiles. Yaras blue hair soaked in a pile of blood.

“Amy!” Damien had loosened his hug and stroke back one of Amaras black hair strands.

Her nails released his skin and the tears stopped. No sadness. No anger. Just emptiness. She stopped caring about anything.

“I want to go to bed”, she whispered.  

Suddenly she felt the stares of the officers on her. Everyone was staring at her. Everyone watched her meltdown.

“Unfortunately I have some questions.” Inspector Bell reminded Amara of her existence. “Miss Cullen, your sister was murdered.” “I know.” Amara put on a straight face and looked at her.

“How?” Bell sat down across her and took a red notebook and a pen out of her uniform.

“She had some problems. She had enemies.” Amara shrugged. “And she was six months clean last week, so she didn’t overdose.” Yara, Amara and the rest of their siblings went on some drinks only a few days ago. It was the first time in months that they had seen each other and now Yara was dead.

“Where is Josh?” She looked at Damien. “Does he know?”

“He was the one who called.” Inspector Bell answered before he could.

“Then where is he? Is he a suspect?” Of course he was. He had this bad boy attitude that always got him into trouble.

“Currently, yes”, answered Bell. “In fact, he disappeared. When we reached the crime scene he was gone. Neighbours saw him leaving a few minutes before we arrived.”

Amara put her head in her hands and signed. “Oh, Josh.” “I tried to call him, but he didn’t answer his phone”, Damien explained. “Do you have any idea where could be?”

She shook her head. “Sorry, I don’t. Maybe with some friends, if he has some. I don’t even know if he has friends.” “He is your brother, Miss Cullen.” Bell wrote everything down Amara said, but she looked confused.

“So?” Amara crossed her arms. “He is a goddam drug addict and I stopped knowing him years ago. He chose this life and I’m very busy with getting my own life together.” She needed another cigaret.

“Alright.” Bell looked at her notes, then again to Amara. “Where have you been between midnight and four a.m.?” “At work”, Amara answered. “You can call my boss, we have security cameras. Can we please talk about this later?”

She was so tired and exhausted. Yara was dead and Amara just wanted to go to bed.

Bell looked at the other officers, then to Amara and Damien. “I want you to meet me at the police station at twelve. Don’t leave town! Don’t do anything stupid! We have already contacted your other brother and sister, they will also be at the station at twelve.”

Amara nodded. “I’ll be there. I just need to sleep for a few hours.” “You too, Mr. Ferris”, Bell went on. “Let’s go, guys.”

She and the rest of the police officers left.

Amara leaned her head against Damiens shoulder, who just put his arm around her and stayed silent. “This is a nightmare, Damien.”

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He looked surprised, considering she had already sat here for almost two hours - her hands folded like she was praying.

“But I believe there is a hell”, she went on.

“Why do you think that?” He smiled slightly, as if he knew something she didn’t. Amara would never understand why pastors were like this. “If there is a hell, why shouldn’t god exist?”

“Oh, I believe he exists.” Now she was smiling, but her hand started to shake slightly. She felt the sudden need for a cigaret.

“So you do believe in him?”, he asked, looking even more confused.

“I said I believe he exists. Or she. Whatever.” Amara clenched her fists to stop them from shaking. “I just don’t believe he is the kind and loving thing you believe he is.”

The priest sat down next to her. He didn’t seem to be angry about what she just said about his god - his religion. Another thing she would never understand.

“What do you believe he is?”

“An authority not to be questioned. A cruel ruler. A shitty father.” Amara needed a cigaret. Now.

“What makes you think he’s a shitty father?” His voice was the kind of voice you could listen to for hours - warm, deep, like honey.

“Aren’t we all supposed to be his children?”, she asked quietly. “Aren’t we all his creation? Why does he abandon us? Why is he letting his children die in such cruel ways?”

“Did you lose someone?” Remarkable how he immediately got what she was hinting at.

“My sister”, Amara answered.

“The lord works in mysterious ways”, he explained. “Maybe he thought she needed to go to heaven. Everything is part of god’s plan.”

“Plan?” She felt anger grow in my chest and tears gathering in her eyes. “Was it his plan to let her die at twentysix? Gutted in a bathtub? What father lets such things happen?”

He remained silence for a while, then he looked up on the cross hanging over the altar. “Sometimes we don’t understand what his plan is.”

Amara shook her head and closed her eyes. A single tear ran down her cheek. “Then maybe it’s not a very good plan. Maybe the plan is shit!” The anger burned in her chest. The tear burned on her skin. Everything burned. She felt like she was on fire.

Amara was burning and it was her personal hell.