#alanashby

y'all does anyone else feel this way? can someone else talk to me?

at least once a day my mind goes back to one of my heros: austin robert carlile, formal lead vocal of Of Mice & Men. A band that changed and saved my life.

I think back to the day I discovered them and fell in love, came across a handsome picture of Austin on stage my freshmen yr and decided to try out this new genre of music. I was head over heels at that point, it made me try other bands and get deeper into it. I found a much louder distraction, one that even at the lowest volume was still enough to make all my thought go away for all the minutes of the song. Sometimes even after and when i discovered all their interviews together as a band.

But man on man, Austin Carlile and his story and his meet ups with fans, melted my heart and simply filled a void. My hero without a cape, just a whole bunch of tattoos.

Then I started using my other passion: writing. My fanfics and imagines were a way of bonding with my hero. I want to keep writing but now where is he? I know he lives in Costa Rica… But now i’m always worried.

I’m absolutely terrified of going onto twitter or insta or the Austin tag on here and seeing that he’s gone. That i’ll never have the chance to meet my hero, the one who gave me hope will never write some little meaningful quote on a piece of paper for me to get tatted.

it makes my heart ache. he changed my life, the light at the darkest point and i just want to be able to say “thank you, i love you”