retired Inquisitor Alanari Ilriane Lavellan, Arlathan Forest, circa 949
by destinyapostasy
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retired Inquisitor Alanari Ilriane Lavellan, Arlathan Forest, circa 949
by destinyapostasy

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Come here Sink your teeth in me deeper Grit, bone Canines splitting my femur Rip us down in the heat of your fever I'm your seed and you're the reaper Keep your gaze off my little sleeper Watch my hands blink the glint of my cleaver
ON THE ANCHOR
(or, nixe makes incredible leaps of logic based on throwaway lines)
We know the orb Corypheus used in his attempt to cross the Veil was Solas's foci, and based on what he has to say in Trespasser, that the Inquisitor taking on even part of its power was a death sentence had it been allowed to continue.
However, I am putting forth the idea that stabilizing the Anchor instead was possible - just at a price Solas would never seriously entertain.
PC: A mage using blood magic could conceivably do that to any one of us, human or demon.
Cole: You should ask Solas to bind you, too. And then someone can bind him.
In my head, doing this would not only have saved the Inquisitor a lot of suffering, but also essentially made them into a conduit (if a puppet) by which Solas could utilize the magic they held.
Furthermore, this gives more insight into the potential nature of the bond between the Evanuris and their priests (and others).
an overview of Mythal's manipulation and abuse of Alanari (somewhat non-canonical) (part one - you are here) (part two)
Inquisition to Alanari feels more like a jail sentence. I wrote this, it's my line, but I have questions about it. Was there a time that felt more suffocating than others? How did this time shape their later years, leading up to the ritual and post the ritual? Was there ever a time when they actually enjoyed it? Obviously, not being the Inquisitor, but was there a moment with people or an action that sticks out in their mind that made it worth moving forward at the time? How did they unpack this? If they never did, will they or will it be one of those many sore points from a time they never had a real choice?
Of anything, the time after Corypheus was most suffocating, as you say. Prior to that, yes, terrible experiences compounded onto each other, but at least Alanari had no choice but to keep moving. This is no time to collapse, you can do that when either you or he are dead.
But, surprise, it is him relegated to dust at their hand.
And I do think they collapsed — sleeping fitfully for days. Like when the magic was first burned into her hand, it took a toll. Alanari would've been pale, shaking, quiet, at best. Celebrations and crowds of faithful simply needed to wait.
And after? Perhaps they'd intended, hoped to had slipped away with the threat gone — but it was not gone. Rifts lingered for years, a danger to the living and incoporeal alike. Immense bureaucracy had to be handled: the Inquisition had overstepped and needed to answer for it.
None of which touches on Briala; that's another post entirely.
So, a time in which there was not a singular hell-bent enemy to focus on was the worst of it. It left them restless. And as the anchor degraded with time and further use, irritable.
If there were respites (there were), they came in the form of moments of normalcy, even with people they'd leave behind eventually. Snippy debates between Dorian and Solas. Varric taking time to write to people he loved. Sera's pranks. Hulwen and Alloine repairing their fractured relationship. Felassan's Wintersend gift. Cassandra and Sidony's...everything. Stolen moments with Merrill, days in which their hands were stained blue from applying the indigo to each other's hair.

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their time as Inquisitor [derogatory] left Alanari with a firm grasp on their privacy (not to mention more than a touch of paranoia) — even in a time of relative stability, if not peace, their family, their relationship with Merrill, are all off-limits. Rook, as an example, encountering parts of her family while in Arlathan is an unpleasant surprise for Alanari's part and leaves her more than a little on the defensive. Merrin was pursued by Alexius for his skills, even held prisoner in the future almost no one else remembers, and Laleala's legal statu, having been born in Tevinter, is unknown.
Yes, they're paranoid.
talking about alanari and solas again, as I do
the thing is, alanari does have (somewhat unaddressed) feelings of hurt toward solas. trespasser didn't provide any real closure.
I'm wondering just how much varric would have told rook about how corypheus got ahold of the orb, but for the sake of this post, let's assume rook knows. alanari's most obvious source of anger isn't him, it's that their family was put in harm's way, but they are upset that he's trapped. if rook were to point out that solas is ultimately responsible for their past suffering, they will be even angrier.
that subject, at the end of the day, is between her and solas. they don't (in most cases) know rook from adam. essentially what we end up with is a stranger weaponizing their pain to disparage their friend (however complicated those feelings are).
tl;dr I'm handing over one of alanari's buttons
alanari not accessing any memories involving solas until after his reveal is a combination of not god-modding his identity and the block in place to protect them. even when those are no longer factors, anything even referencing him feels both like an invasion of his privacy and being drawn back into a conflict they're somewhat torn over. the latter mostly stems from a lack of closure (something trespasser did not provide) + unwillingness to take up that sort of leadership mantle again