The Akatsuki as high school teachers
What teaching roles would the Akatsuki take on if they were forced to become high school teachers?
1. Pein
Teaches: History. His voice sends people to sleep.
Pein: “And in the Ancient Roman period the life expectancy was only 20 to 30 years. This has many contributing factors. Such as, but not limited to...”
Student: “Oh my god why won’t he talk faster.”
Pein: “No talking in my class. And don’t blaspheme my name like that.”
2. Konan
Teaches: Careers. She’s a little too motherly.
Konan: “And when you finish high school, you can go and do whatever you set your mind to.”
Student: “Can I become a chef?”
Konan: “Of course!”
Student #2: “Can I become a mob boss???”
Konan: “You can do whatever your heart tells you to hun.”
3. Itachi
Teaches: Computing and I.T. Well he tries at least.
Itachi: “Okay.....so today you’ll be using Photoshop to create a website design.”
Student: “You just opened up Microsoft Paint.”
Itachi: “Yes...I meant to do that.....give me a second.”
Student: “Can you even see the screen clearly?”
Itachi: “Honestly? No. I am going blind. Just do whatever.”
4. Kisame
Teaches: Gym. He has a pretty fierce rivalry with the other gym teacher.
Kisame: “Right! Let’s do some good old rope climbing today!”
Student: “Mr Gai had us do that yesterday.”
Kisame: “.....Right. Then we’ll be using the horse vault instead.”
Student: “Also yesterday. He said something about not remembering if there was another gym teacher or not so we just did everything.”
Kisame: “OH FOR FU-”
5. Hidan
Teaches: Religion. Even though he’s just a substitute.
Hidan: “And THAT is why you should hail Lord Jashin as your saviour.”
Student: “Mr Hidan this is an English Literature class.”
Hidan: “Do I give a fuck? No. Shut the fuck up.”
6. Kakuzu
Teaches: Economics. Yes it’s as terrible as you think.
Kakuzu: “Setting up an interest account will not only teach you to save money but will also earn you even MORE money in the long run.”
Student: “Thanks for the advice! But the exam is about taxes so I really think we should be-”
Kakuzu: “Taxes are the devil. I will have no part in teaching it. If you fail then that’s your own problem”
7. Deidara
Teaches: Art. As a substitute. He hates being the substitute.
Deidara: “Alright kiddos get out your clay we’re gonna be making SCULPTURES.”
Student: “But Mr Sasori has been teaching us still life painting so shouldn’t we be continuing that?”
Deidara: “Ha ha, Mr Sasori can suck a dick because he’s an idiot. I said get out your clay.”
8. Sasori
Teaches: Art.
Sasori: “Sorry I was away. I had a nasty head cold and- what the hell are those?”
Student: “Um.....Mr Deidara told us to make clay sculptures yesterday and it was actually really fun! We’re hoping we can finish-”
Sasori: “Throw those hideous things in the trash where they belong.”
9. Tobi/Obito
Teaches: Drama. As two different “brothers”.
Tobi: “Okay! Let’s practise our facial expressions now! Pull the stupidest face you can and your partner has to try not to laugh! Then we’re gonna practise ANIMAL NOISES!”
Student: “Holy shit Mr Uchiha’s brother is on some sort of drug or something.”
Tobi: “What did you say about my brother?? That he’s super handsome?? Yeah I know!”
10. Zetsu
Teaches: Biology. Things tend to go missing.
Zetsu: “Okay. Today we are dissecting frogs.”
Student: “Ewww....cool! Where are they?”
Zetsu: “I.....didn’t eat them. I swear.”
Student: “.....oh.”
