#akhilunplugged

The Muhammad Ali of fat people

I’m gonna show you how fat I’m.

Last night, I ate so much, the restaurant ran out of food before I even got to my second serving. I’m gonna show you how fat I’m.

Only last week, I murdered a farm chicken, scarred my date for life, and hospitalized myself with diabeetus. I’m gonna show you how fat I’m.

I’m so fat, I get the handicapped parking spot. This burger, they say is the best burger in the…

Believing in god is like having an ultimate comfort zone. It’s just nice having a reason not to engage in any intellectual reasoning or to question things. It’s the perfect excuse!

Don’t get me wrong now. If you ask me whether I believe in god or not, I’m just going to stand there going back and forth about it with myself in the back of my head. Like I’m doing right now! It’s one of those things…

“So?”

“This girl I like, she finally agreed to a date! And it was nice. I’ll be seeing her again on Saturday and I’ve already got dinner reservations.”

“Well, fantastic!”

The lunch table was full of exciting narrations of everyone’s Valentine’s Day…

She said we needed to talk. And then she made me take her to a nice fancy restaurant. So of course, I ended up eating and not talking. How’s that my fault now? If she wanted to talk, she should have talked at home! Not make me take her out to dinner so…

Maybe I fucked up last year.

Maybe I’ll make up this year.

Apparently, each strip of bacon I eat takes 9 minutes off my life. Well, at least that’s what the doctors are saying. I’m not going to bother with the math here, but on that note, it’s decided.

My tombstone will read ‘I regret nothing.’

I suppose King of the FriendZone also does have some royalty to it.

*mounting the pony* Hurry! To my castle, then!

Mom: Hello! Check your feet. Me : What?! Mom: *bursts out laughing* Check your feet! Check your feet! Me : *curses inwardly as I realize what happened* Mom: OK. Bye. Have fun *snickers*

And Mondays are boring no more. So mom called to office, laughing…