Reader's point of view

When I was preparing for this summer to be crazy I didn't imagine this. When we got to the camp it wasn't perfect with Margaret going around looking for us to misbehave. But it was fun. I knew Xavier and I were gonna be intimate. We are in a relationship. That's what grown people do. Sure we were more perverted than others but we are young. We did sneak around here already. Now that I am thinking about it, it might be my last memory of us.

“Shhh.” I try to shush Xavier as we walk in the dark outside the cabin. His hand was gidding me on the way to the forest.

“Come on then.” he turns around to kiss me. Kiss lasts a few moments as I run my fingers through his fluffy hair. “We need to get further away.” he tells me when he breaks the kiss.

“Where are we going?” I ask as silently as I can.

“You will see.” To my surprise we were not going to the forest or lake. He took me to Margarete´s office.

“You can't be serious.” I looked at him when he closed the door behind us. I heard something click and guessed it was a lock.

“I will bend you over her table like little girl and fuck you while you watch Jesus.” he says as he steps closer to me and grabs my hair making me look up to him.

All my doubt about doing it here disappears when I see his eyes. He makes me back up to the said table until I sit on him. He is using force with me but I more than just enjoy it. It is not the first time. We did a lot of things together. We are comfortable with each other and we know we have to communicate during all those things. He will stop if I give him a sigh that I am not okay with this.

“But miss Margaret said it was a bad thing we should be doing.” I play along as I bat my eyelashes.

Xavier grabs me again and turns me around. I am pushed against the table as promised. I feel him taking my shorts off. It is a little cold but I believe he will warm me up soon. Next thing I know he runs his fingers through my folds. I let out a long breath. The way he is touching me feels heavenly. I push myself up to get closer to him.

“Does it feel as bad as miss Margaret told you it would feel?” he teases me as he trusts his fingers into me.

“No.” I moan. I close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder. He makes me open my eyes when he takes his fingers out of me. He then puts them in front of me to show me how wet I am.

“Clean up your mess, doll.” I open my mouth to suck his fingers clean. I can tell that we both enjoyed it. “Now come here.” my legs were pushed apart and he entered me from behind. I almost screamed when he filled me up. His thrusts were sharp and it didn't take long for me to finish. If Xavier didn't catch me I would have fallen onto the table.

“Look at you.” He lifts me up and helps me to lay down on my back on the table. Slipping back into me with a sinful moan. It doesn't take him long to reach his high.

Right now I am far from that. Rain ruined my hair and fear ruined my mood. I am with Montana trying to look for a car as Xavier went to get Margaret with us to get away from the creep that keeps walking around the camp with keys.

“Shit.” I hear Montana before me and I know soon why. The car we went to get ready is on fire. I stop in my tracks. “Now what?” Blond girl asks me.

“Stay here with everyone I am gonna go get Xavier. We no longer have time to convince Margaret.” I tell as I turn around and go back into the campsite. When I get to the building that I spend the night with Xavier I don't even hesitate to just run in.

It is not safe outside. Especially when I am alone. There is more than one man looking for us to kill us.

I walk in and my heart shatters into the pieces. I fall to the ground not believing what I am seeing. My Xavier is on the floor dead. I couldn't see through my tears. I crawl to him, scared to touch him. If I touch him it would mean that what I am seeing is true.

“Y/N!” Montana screams behind me but I don't turn around. “OMG. We have to go!” she tries to pull me away from Xavier's body. “He's dead! Come on!”

“I am not leaving him!” I get up and push her away from me.

“You are not going to help him!” she is trying to reason with me. “Are you going to die here for nothing?”

“I am not leaving until the person that did this dies!” I turn back to have one last look at my love. We never really talked about the future but I couldn't imagine life without him. “He went for Margaret and she did this or just let it happen either way she is going to die.”

I walk out of there with one purpose. To get the bitch that killed Xavier. Montana walks with me for a moment before he runs to the rest to tell them what happend. I didn't even realize that I took the knife that was with Xavier.

I looked for her and I found her. She was alone with blood on her blouse. When she saw my face she knew why I am here and not with others.

“He deserved it!” she screamed when she was backing away from me. “He even went to my office to fuck someone in there!”

I just reached for her and grabbed her by her hair. My body was functioning without my brain. “That someone was me!” The first stab was the only one that I felt. A moment after I was walking with blood all over me. Not knowing where I was going.

“Y/N!” Is it a dream? Am I dead? I turn around and I see him. I must have lost my mind. “You need to leave! Now!” He gets closer to me and I am having a hard time understanding what is happening.

“No.I am not leaving you.” I wisper.

“I am dead.” We are both crying now. “You can still live somewhere happy. Forgetting that I am here.” His whispers almost escape my ears.

“I said I am staying here with you.” I repeat myself.

“I am not going to let you stay here to waste your life away. I might have lost mine but you still have yours.”

“I don't want it if it means I am without you.” I no longer whisper. I am loud and I mean every word I say. Not thinking I split my wrists with the knife I killed Margaret with.

“No! What have you done?” I fall to the ground into Xavier´s arms. “You will be stuck here forever now.”

“No we will.” I am looking into his beautiful eyes shed with tears. I feel his lips on mine before the world goes dark. When I wake up there is no pain. Just the camp in the woods without the evidence of what happend hours prior.

Reader's point of view

Living with the circus is difficult. But it is where my heart is. Where people I love are. That is where I belong. Until a certain people showed up. They destroyed my home. And it feels like no one is noticing it. That feeling is the worst pain I ever felt. And I went through a lot in my life. I was left behind by my family when I first opened my eyes. It was not that I am blind. It is for the way my eyes look. They are just white. People told me since I was really little that my eyes have no soul therefore I am cursed. And for the longest I believed those people. Until one day when I was about to be kicked out of an orphanage this woman came and just took me with her. It was so scary not knowing where I was going with who. But this unknown voice became my gidens with the name Elsa. She for the first time made me feel like a person that is valued.

Since then I was starting to enjoy life as a gift. I was no longer the girl in the back of the room since she couldn't tell where everything was in the room. My surroundings changed so much and I changed with it.

Elsa offered to show me around and she did that in the evening. But after what felt like a week I was confident enough to go out by myself to explore the world around me. That was a huge change. For the first time I wanted to get out of bed. I wanted to taste life. And that was the day I met Jimmy.

Maybe walking in the field with tents and lines around me was not the best idea. How will I find my way back to Elsa's tent? I have no idea and right now I don't even care. For the first time I am feeling free. Like I am able to breathe.

This woman came into my life and changed it. I am not even sure what color of dress I am wearing right now. But it is not on my mind. I am just walking. Listening to nature around me like I never could in the cold orphanage before.

“Hey! Who are you? You can't just walk in here!” I hear a male voice behind me.

He did scare me. I was zoning out and out of nowhere he was there. I couldn't tell if I was alone or not really. This voice brought me back to reality.

“Oh I am sorry.” I got scared that I did something wrong and that the woman that brought me here is gonna get rid of me because of it. I turn around to try to face this man. When I did I heard him gasp. I almost forgot about my appearance. “Oh. I am sorry. You don't have to look. “ I closed my eyes and tilted my head down.

“Oh I am sorry. I didn't know you were that girl Elsa brought here a few days ago.” I could hear him get closer to me. “I just thought that you were someone from town trying to put their nose where it didn't belong. I didn't mean to scare you or be rude. I am sorry. You have nothing to apologize for.”

There was just a moment of silence but in that moment the mood of the situation changed for the better. I could tell we both relaxed and were ready to meet each other for the first time.

“I am Jimmy Darling, love.” he introduced himself to me. He did take another step closer to me.

“I am Y/N.” I did the same but I didn't get closer to him or opened my eyes. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. So with my eyes closed I stood there. I was not scared of him but the habit of being yelled at and worse because of my eyes didn't let me feel comfortable around anyone.

“Do you want me to help you somewhere or.” He was trying to be so kind and friendly. I never knew anyone that would care about me. At the time I believed it was not possible for who I am.

“I shouldn't leave the tent. I am sorry. I am just gonna find my way back and I am not gonna bother anyone. I promise.” I said quickly. As I was trying to walk back to the tent I tripped over something in the grass. It was because I am not used to being outside.

“Are you okay?” I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. “Are you hurt?” That was the first time I heard someone being worried for me.

“I am sorry.” My body was starting to fall into the state of panic. I didn't want to go back to the city. For the first time in my life I felt like I could breathe.

“You don't need to apologize for anything.” I felt him get even closer to me. He must have seen my panic. I didn't understand why he would want to help me. “You are safe, okay? Just breathe. I am here.” That was the first hug I ever received. I just let go into him. I felt so tired for so long. I just let go and cried.

When I look back at that day it was a day my life really started. A fresh start that felt like a dream. I for a moment felt like I was in heaven. But then they came.

“Stay here.” Jimmy´s voice was sharp like I never heard him before. We were sitting outside in the shade talking about nothing and then a car came. Since I got here I got so much better at recognizing voices in the distance, noises and what they mean, smells and they're smallest differences but also I began to feel this intuition about things and people.

“What is happening?” I got a little worried. Jimmy was never like this before. Sure, when people from different towns came to us to try to get rid of us, he would calmly tell me to go back to tents and caravans. Situations like this never occur.

“Hello young man.” An ommones voice came from behind. This person was closer than I would have guessed.

“What do you want?” Jimmy did not like him for one reason or another. I get up but don't turn around to face the stranger.

“We came to see Miss Elsa.” a much younger female spoke. How many people came here?

“I will take you to her.” Now a voice I knew as Ethel spoke. The unknown girl tried to be kind and friendly. She thanked Ethel and everything. But my stomach said other things. After a moment of silence when I waited for them to leave us alone I reached for Jimmy. I didn't know where he was but he reached for me as well.

“I am here angel.” I felt his strong arms around me pulling me into him. I let him and hold him with my smaller hands. He could tell I was uncomfortable. The situation was strange. “You are safe.” he whispered into my ear and then kissed it. “Let's go inside. It is starting to get cold.” I took his arm and let him guide me to my caravane.

The feeling that made me uncomfortable returned everytime someone even mentioned their  names since that very moment. It followed me like a shadow that was trying to tell me to run. But I couldn't just leave my family behind.

When I talked about it with Jimmy he did not take my worries that seriously. He told me that he understands that I am worried and that I don't trust people that easily. As time went by I started to feel distant from him. He always spent time with everyone but he never really wanted to stay away from me. I was getting really worried about him. At that moment when I was ready to fight with Stanley, Ma Petite disappeared. Like it was planned by someone to take my attention from these two shady people.

Everyone got really worried and started to look for her. And then other people disappeared and so much chaos was installed.

Just me, in the cold air in the dark. That is what I needed to think about everything that was happening in the past month. Time never flew so fast. I couldn't keep up. The feeling of being terrified from the past returned.

“Evening.” voice behind me woke a terror in my heart.

“Evening.” I replied but didn't move an inch. Scared and waiting for what's to come.

“Let's go for a ride in a car, what do you say sweetheart.” I heard him knel next to me. Panic rising in my every second. He was in charge now. What a blind little girl stood a chance? Only question was how aggressive he is going to be.

“I don't feel like it today. Perhaps someday from now? Jimmy is waiting for me anyway.” I get up to try to walk away from him cursing myself for going so far from the main tent because of the noise.

“He is busy now. Trust me I saw with my own eyes.” he laughed at me holding my arm with force. “Let's go for a ride.” he said as he dragged me through the tall grass. I got so scared that I couldn't even scream.

It wasn't just a drive. I have never gone to these tents since. I was locked in a hotel room. Stanley held me here by force. And he was not the only one that knew about me being here. That same evening Maggie came. She was mad at Stanley. Told him everyone is looking for me and that he promised her to tell her every time someone is going to go missing. I never felt this sick. My friend went missing and died right under our noses just because I didn't voice my worries loudder.

Since that evening something terrible has happened. Some doctor came to the hotel room. He came to look at me. I didn´t understand why but the I heard a conversation about my eyes. Stanley was the person I heard about in the orphanage. The horror stories about the collectors. I was about to become a museum attraction.

I haven't spoken a word since that day. Maggie came to me to tell me she is going to make sure I survive and she will help me get back home even if it kills her. I didn't respond. My home was gone.

The day came and I lost my eyes completely. They were removed completely. I was recovering slowly and painfully. With no medication. Maggie did move me immediately after the surgery. The doctor didn't want me to die but Stanley wanted me to. When I was moved I realized that I hated light since my eyes were missing.

“I tried to get back to Jimmy as fast as I could, but Stanley already convinced him to amputate his hands. He is really hurting but he doesn't let me help. He needs to know you are alive.” Maggie's words made me get up and let her guide me to her car. In the car I had trouble with the light again. I didn't speak up. When Maggie stopped for the first time I thought we were here but she just gave me a silk scarf to cover my eyes.

When we got there she walked me into some hall. I didn't trust her but I couldn't walk on my own in the place that I didn't know. After a few steps I heard shuffling. I stopped and listened to it.

“That's just Jimmy.” Maggie said when I made her stop. I took a moment. There was silence again. I just heard Jimmy breathe. Maybe he was crying. I took another step and let Maggie lead me again. “There is a  bed next to you.” she told me.

I let go of her and took a step by myself. I found the bed I believed Jimmy was lying on. The pain in my head wanted me to let go and get to rest but instead I just sat down. My breathing was faster the normal but I was trying to not let Jimmy see my panic. I am sure he did anyway.

“I am gonna give you guys a space.” Maggie with tears left us alone.

Jimmy's point of view

My physical pain disappeared when I saw her. Now all I could feel is my heart breaking. She got smaller than she was. The light dress hangs on her by a threat. I could see her fear. Her small hands were shaking. When she sat down she tilted her head so I could see blood under the scarf that was hiding what was left of her eyes.

I couldn't even hold her to make the pain I cost go away. As tears streamed down my face I couldn't keep looking at her in pain. The night of panic came back from my memory. I was looking for her after I didn't find her in her caravan. It was late, too late for her to be outside. I didn't spend my day with her because she didn't want me to. I should have watched her from afar ever since our fight about Maggie.

“You were right.” I spoke. “What have I done?” It was hard to breathe.

“Don't put your hand to your eyes. It can cause infection.” hear soft voice spoke. “Be careful. Maggie told me you didn't let her take care of you. Your bandages need to be changed.” she was so close to me but she was never this far.

“I am sorry.” I tried to speak through my tears. “I did this to you.They took your eyes like pears to exhibit them.” I looked down at my arms covered in bloody bandages.

“You didn't do this to me. I did. When I didn't make sure we got rid of Stanley.” her voice spoke again. “It was me that cost lives.”

I need to hold her. She was so scared and in so much pain that I ignored mine. I embraced her in my arms. At that moment she let go and cried. Her body was shaking so violently she was moving me too.

“I am gonna make the pay for the pain they made you go through. I promise you that.” I kissed her head. At that moment I felt her temperature. It was too high.

“Just don't ever leave me.” she was begging with panic.

I  looked around the room. Her body was not fighting the infection in her wounds. She can be dying from it. I need to do something.