#afraid of self

I had something in me that was real. I remember it. I don’t just remember it. I was wholly in that, everything raw and wild. That was when I was a kid, and I didn’t think about it like that. I was a kid and the world was open to anything I could imagine. I want to get back to that. My head is old now. Experiences have eroded my wiring, bashed it about with learning to kowtow, inebriation and…

Turning a card over and over, the same thing on both sides. Unable to open your phone, the wrong password, wrong fingers too. Opening the door, seeing your partner half dressed with a stranger, knowing it would be like that, feeling sick and afraid. The climactic end to a film oozing down from the floors above, the passage getting narrower and narrower until you can’t find the right door and…