Hello, Kat! I have fluctuating self worth and right now I'm going through a particularly rough patch. The thing is, I don't feel like I have a right to feel bad, and thus cannot bring myself to talk about any of this with others. My friends have it objectively far worse than I do and my family is the same, so naturally I feel like my problems are unimportant. I know that if I were to talk about any of this with anyone they would tell me that I have so much to be proud of, but I don't feel (1/?)
Anonymous asked: Like I do. Straight As? That’s not me, I barely study! Multilingual? Only thanks to my multilingual mother! Those are my main achievements and none of them can actually be called ‘mine’. I feel like everything I have has been given to me and that therefore I have nothing to be proud of. Anyways, sorry for the long ask and thanks for everything. (2/2)
Welcome Anon!
First… you should NEVER feel guilty for your emotions and base your right to have them on the situations of those around you. There will always be someone who has it harder than you at different stages in your life, and that does NOT make what you are going through any less valuable. You have a right to feel however you want to feel when going through a hard time, and even the right to feel joy and happiness in your life though others are having a hard time. If we do not allow ourselves time to properly process situations (in a way that is authentic to our feelings) than we cannot move on from them. Suppressing your emotions will not fix the problems of those around you, instead consider taking this as a time to open up a dialogue with the people around you who care about you. Speak to one another about your issues and support one another in getting through them. Consider telling them that you can see that they are going through a hard time and maybe sit down and have a heart to heart about what’s going on. I do not get the sense, by the way you talk about these people in your life, that you feel any resentment towards them for going through a hard time… so why do you feel that they would not be as equally understanding towards you? Maybe they are feeling just as lost as you are and together you can help each other work through and find some answers.
As far as the lack of self-worth goes, it seems that maybe you are starting to wonder exactly what your purpose is and who exactly you are on your own. This is a universal feeling that EVERYONE feels at some point in their lives and even sometimes more than once in their lives. I go through this feeling personally quite often and become quite restless… getting the sense of “am I doing enough with my life” and am I leaving something behind to be proud of. When I start getting this feeling I like to take time to work on some of my own personal goals. Something that is just mine that does not rely on others for achievement. Some examples would be: writing, photography, starting a blog, taking classes, learning a new skill. Allow yourself the time to partake in self-care and focus on exactly who you are and want to be as a person. Don’t think of this time as you are lost, but rather the best time for you to find yourself and grow.
And lastly, your intelligence is not something that is not YOURS. Intelligence is not something someone else gave you but something that is your own. Good grades whether you study or not is something to be proud of. It means that what you are learning comes easily to you and that does not make your mind any less valuable. Take that rare ability and turn it into something you can take advantage of and be proud of such as a career or project you’re passionate about.
I hope that some of this helped and I encourage others to offer open-minded, caring, considerate, and thoughtful advice as to what they have done when they feel this way. This is an openminded and caring blog and negativity will never be tolerated on this site.
-Kat
