#adopteeperspective

I am back in school. I have been taking classes at the local community college on and of since 2010. The identity crisis, finding birth family, lack of support and running out of financial aid stopped me in my tracks. 

I am back at the hustle though. The difference now is I am in a better head space and I also know more of what I want to do. You all have inspired me to work on becoming an Adoption Specialist. I want to be a professional advocate for the adoption community. I also want to write as well.

I hope all of you are pushing towards you goals.

I have two younger siblings. My parents was able to have to children naturally after legally adopting my twin brother and I.

My little sister M. says that her and my twin look alike and that people know that that’s her brother. They both have the same complexion but they don't look alike. I was about to say no ya’ll don’t but I didn’t. It’s almost like fighting a losing battle. Then I really thought about her statement. My younger siblings have their own perspective on me and A.’s adoption.  We are the only siblings they have ever known and what’s natural to them is saying that we “look” alike because siblings tend to have familiar features. So when I pull out the honesty card and say things like “ We don't look alike” or “ We have different genetics and that’s why our hair is different”  means that I am taking what’s natural to here and balling it up and throwing it in her face and she doesn’t like that. Neither one of them do.

However when I experienced that the hard way...when I found out that what I thought was natural wasn’t...was the shock of my life. As adoptees we are expected to “get over it” to “ deal with it” and it doesn't work like that. I am at a place know where I have to accept the fact that I have to be a different me in different spaces to get by and that’s another concept of balancing.

So much has happened since I posted last. Things are slowing down which is a going thing. I really want to start outlining my book. I missed you all! How are you?

I turned 24 earlier this month and since then I have been in a whirlwind of making decisions. My birthday was a good one. My sister Tee ( we have the same birth mother) says that P. ( our birth mother) wishes me a happy birthday. I didn't get to speak to her and it bothered me a little bit but it is what it is. Usually I like to catch P. on her good days.

My birth mother’s father ( Grandpa Melvin ) side of the family had their first family reunion. My great aunt Dee asked me to be the photographer. I was super nervous about this reunion. I was raised in Buckingham and my birth mother’s father is from Buckingham. So a lot of the family I have probably seen before. I thought maybe I wouldn’t be accepted. I thought maybe I would be accepted and it would be too overwhelming. I thought maybe someone would bring up my situation or they would be rude and ask crazy questions. I also thought maybe no one would speak to me because they may think I am sensitive or the topic is sensitive or I don't know anything about my own past.

Almost all of that happened. I was greeted by a cousin who’s personality is way out there. That was overwhelming. She introduced me to everyone. Everyone greeted me and was happy that I was ok and was doing well. Some didn't really speak speak to me but that's ok. Then when I told the cousin that I live like 20 minutes away she kind of squished the white elephant and I was so nervous. But all in all it was ok.

I received two questions in my inbox. The one question I wanted to talk about in this post is: Would I chose to adopt?

I am going to give you all a little background and its going to sound like a dating profile so sorry about that lol!!!

I am twenty three years old and I am single. Why am I single? Because my social anxiety overshadows my outgoing, sponteanous, creative personalities. I have being in and out of college since 2010 and I didnt really make any friends. I have a hard time walking up to somebody and saying anything more than hi especially to guys. I believe I am an extrovert and slightly clingy person when I become comfortable. So that's the background.

A lot of the classmates that I graduated with in high school has at least two kids. I think like 85% of my graduating class has a family. I credit my fear of starting my love life to my adoption. Thats just how it is. I always wondered if I wasnt adopted would this apsect of my life be differet of if I was raised differenly in my adoptive home...would I be less fearful? These questions lately have been bouncing back and forth in my mind. I think when my dad told me when he was drinking ( I have a post about this) that I wasnt going to turn out like "her" ( my birth mother) that kind of put me in the mindset of be better. Also with my mom, her mother and her sister being religous.... it put a hinderence on me venturing out. All this to say I was extremely sheltered.

Now at twenty-three I'm like oh my gosh I need to put myself out there. I do want a family. I want to have children and a husband and all that stuff. So then I think well what if? I see stories on T.V. about people who want children and either have them without any problems and people that have trouble. I asked myself what if for some reason I am unable to have children? Would I adopt?