Admitting defeat.
A colleague mentioned in jest about an incident at a party. Couples were being quizzed on various aspects on their life, and the host decided to ask which 3 Chinese words were the most important.
Most responses were “ 我爱你 “ (I love you) and “ 你最美” (You’re the most beautiful).
His reply? “对不起” (I’m sorry) and “ 我的错” (My fault). Winner of the night.
Sometimes, it’s normal to get into fights and argue about little things. And the reality is one of two scenarios:
#1: You are right
#2: Your partner is right
In scenario 1, it’s great. Stand your ground and insist. If you win, be gracious. Look, does you being right about the winner of American Idol Season 4 mean more than your relationship? If your answer is yes, do yourself a favour and die alone. No need to lord it over your partner or give that “see I’m always right” smirk.
In scenario 2, let your pride go and apologise if you’re wrong. It might sting, but is there anything that could be so important that you need to fight over? Let’s hope your partner follows the rules in #1 as well, of course.
Arguments are inevitable. In fact, someone once told me that a couple that doesn’t fight is fundamentally flawed, a sign that many things are bottled up. Personally, I did quarrel occasionally with the ex, but we never had any big bust ups. Fights usually ended up with someone walking away to cool down, and the matter would be addressed later in a calmer situation, and finally put to rest before the end of the day. Our rule of thumb was never to go to bed angry.
Discover the way you fight to better understand each other and work out a system to address the issues when they arise. And remember never to fight dirty or dredge up past arguments.
It might feel good to win and be right, but if that is what fuels you, you’re better off alone. There’s no place in a relationship for personal victories, but rather a collection of joint understanding.
