Oct 23, 2019
ADHD mood of the day was spending half an hour trying to find my umbrella that I had moved the day before bc I thought it was placed in a bad place and couldn't remember where I put it
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ADHD mood of the day was spending half an hour trying to find my umbrella that I had moved the day before bc I thought it was placed in a bad place and couldn't remember where I put it
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To the neurotypicals that try to understand that having ADHD means not applying all neurotypicals expectations, I love and appreciate you and this post isn’t directed towards you. Y’all keep being the beautiful heroes we need.
To the neurotypicals that can’t seem to understand what struggling with ADHD is like, allow me to say it must be nice having a brain that can tolerate focusing on one thing uninterrupted for times at length without your brain feeling like it’s having pins and needles jabbed into, set on fire, and then danced on by a squad of monkeys on jackhammers due to the lack of stimulation. In the ADHD brains desperation and attempt to flee from this agony, any semblance of control of thoughts is now lost as it flees to some ascendant realm, where, finally free and at peace the ADHD brain breaths a sigh of relief only to be brought back 5 minutes later with the realization that you have no idea what just happened in the world around you. Only that your brain is once again on a rack steadily being stretched to the breaking point, and the cycle repeats itself until you give up because there’s no way you’re benefitting from whatever you’re trying your damnest to pay attention to. And without establishing a working coping mechanism the ADHD brain now falls into depression, unable to perform functionally, and if you thought the story ends there allow me to introduce you to Emotional Dysregulation. *slaps roof of brain* you see, this bad boy (or girl, or whichever flavor of the beautiful gender rainbow you identify with) can fit so much emotion in it. What should be a small spark of an emotion immediately jumps into a wildfire instead, consuming my brain and throwing it into a frenzy. Because when they were making my brain in the brain factory they ran out of the emotion scale slider, and instead decided to make do with an on and off switch instead. (And screw them, if they were gonna do that they coulda just left the amygdala our entirely) So emotions go from one extreme to the other. Meaning my brains repeated failures quickly spiral into depression and feelings of helplessness. I CANT FUNCTION LIKE THAT.
That’s what an ADHD brain trying to pay attention to a single source of information feels like.
So when I multi task, it’s not because I’m trying to be offensive, or disrespectful, it’s me doing it for both of our benefits, because that’s the only way my broken brain works and the only way I can keep my scotch-taped together hunk of pudding that I call a brain together. If you have a problem with that please provide me with a new functional brain (pretty please with a cherry on top?) or go royally screw yourself.
/rant
really don’t want to sound like I’m whining but WHY isn’t ADHD taken as seriously as other illnesses on the spectrum,,, i have SO many other symptoms that would fall under things that are not ADHD and even when I have tried to talk to my doctor about it, he says “you need sleep” or some shit like that like yeah you’re right but that is NOT why I can’t do simple tasks without having a panic attack. I need help, real, mental help. Not sleep.
Bruh, I've been working at that restaurant for almost a year and yesterday I managed to fuck up a whole table, like i delivered the stuff to the wrong people and just figured it out in the end, so i had to explain it to my boss and it went a little something like this:
Me: chef can i pls get two more ribs? I got the tables confused and they're already eating them and that's the only meals missing on the other table.
Boss: but what table did I tell u to go on?
M: table 26
B: and u went on 28?
M: yes
B: how did u fuck this up?
M: u see... I'd have numbered the tables differently and in my brain it had made sense that i was going on the right table but then the people were all like "this isn't our food" and i was like the fuck, how are they eating then and they were like "idk"
B: how long have u been working here again?
M: almost a year?
B:...
M: i know...
B: puzzled face
M:idk
B: ... Ok I'll get u the ribs... go apologize to the table
M: thanks chef!
***Okay it's official. I honestly think no one knows what ADHD is. Recently I have had to talk about my ADHD a lot because I wrote about it in a college essay. I mean I could have lied and said I didn't write one yet, but I just wanted to let people read it. Idk why I guess to get it off my chest with people who I will never see again after I graduate. Each person I showed my essay to were either like " ADHD??" Or they are like " oo good essay...? :) o__O" the reactions are weird. Idk. Maybe they don't say anything because they don't want to be rude and say o you don't seem like you have it or something like that. I don't know. It's just awkward. When some of the people who I told there were like oo ok. A few people said what's that? Some said what does that mean? One guy said I didn't know that really existed. I have told so many people. People I don't really talk to that often. At first I tried to keep it between my close friends but now if it comes up I'll just be open about it. I need to let it all out while I can right? No one really understands ADHD. AT ALL. People don't have a clue. The few times I've heard adhd mentioned in my school is if someone is being rowdy and they say o I need to calm down I'm acting like I have ADHD. But people say that and STILL DONT KNOW WHAT THAT IT IS. Society is very unaware. I feel like schools need to teach a class where people just learn about each other's differences. Idk I mean a lot of differences are known I feel like just ADHD is just there. I really feel like a joke having ADHD. I just feel like if people do know that having ADHD entails being distracted, hyperactive. They don't know the 1billion other struggles that go along with it. Like I hate to compare mental disorders and trust me we are all dealing with our own issues and it's tough. Also I know a lot of people with ADHD have depression. But i feel like depression is more understood and it's "clear and cut" to the public and there's commercials for medications and etc. But ADHD is flung around like an insult. If you tell some one " what do you have ADHD?" they want to throw a fit. No one would really joke with depression because it's a serious thing. Omg I just feel pathetic because I'm here ranting and being pathetic because I guess it could be seen as "disappointed because I don't get enough credit for my disorder/disability" I feel pathetic that a care this much. I shouldn't care at all, I need to just take a fucking vyvanse and still go struggle to read a book or somthing. Ugh idk what I'm saying I'm babbling. I appreciated if you read through this mess and if you didnt I still love you because I know how hard it is to actually read through a ridiculous rant like this. Sorry
***rant sorry
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