Would it be to much of a spoiler to ask what was going on in Begbie's head when Danny told him he wasn't a proof or a buftie? Was he too far gone to have a mental/emotional reaction to "I've got you love"?
He couldnāt stop the shaking of every muscle of his body. It felt good, after weeks, to be inside Devine again. It felt fucking incredible, in fact. But Devine hadnāt let him turn him over. He had made him fuck him face-to-face likeā¦ like fucking lovers. Like fucking poofs. Begbieās stomach churned at the thought.
āFuckinā relax,ā Devine murmured to him. He was gripping the back of Begbieās neck and pulling his face closer to his own. Begbie resisted the pull, his hips still pushing frantically against Dannyās. He felt trapped between his great need to fuck Devine and his great need to escape. Franco lifted his head, his hair falling across his face and into his eyes. He looked at Danny through the dark locks of his hair. Devineās face was twisting in pleasure and pain. His expression pulled at something deep in Begbieās groin. It was an expression he had never seen on the cuntās face before Never seen on any cuntās face. He all at once looked more at peace and more conflicted than Franco had ever seen him.
āFuckinā relax, Franco,ā Devine said again, his voice barely a whisper now between groans. Devine tilted his head enough to bring their lips together briefly. It didnāt last long enough for Begbie. His eyes fluttered closed until he felt Devine pull away. He tried to catch Devineās lower lip between his teeth, trying to keep him from pulling his mouth away, but it was too late. āIāve got you.ā
Iāve got you. The words echoed in his mind over and over again. Last night had been the first time he had felt like he could trust Devine. In fact, it had been the first time in a lifetime that heād felt like he could fucking trust any cunt. Devine asked him for more trust and Begbieā¦ Begbie wanted to give it to him, butā¦ he couldnāt fucking let himself. Could he? Devine wasnāt to be trusted.
Begbie shifted his knees backwards, pulling Devineās hips further forward on the bed so that he could lie back. All the while, he continued to relentlessly fuck Devine. In. Out. In. Out. Over and over. He could fucking do this. He could fuck Devine senseless no matter how the dippet cunt wanted to be fucked.
His head was down again, looking down at where their hips joined, but not really seeing. He couldnāt look Devine in the face again. Heā¦ he had to stop seeing this fucking wee pooftah. After this, he was done. Fucking done. He couldnāt fucking do this anymore. It was disgusting. It was fucking unnatural. Butā¦ fuck! It felt so fucking good. His hands were still gripping Devineās hips, gripping so hard, holding on for dear life for fear that if he let go his need to flee may overcome him. He hesitated, his fingers digging into Devineās skin to try and stop the shaking. His thrusting slowed and he let out a low growl of determination.
āFrancoā¦.ā Danny grunted. Begbie looked up at the sound of his name. He saw Danny reach a hand out to brush the hair from Begbieās eyes, felt him run his fingers through the partially oiled mass of black. They made eye contact and Begbie saw an expression on Danny that he couldnāt comprehend. He had seen similar looks before, years ago. June had looked at him like that, once upon a time. Begbie froze, his whole body trembling. What was it that he saw in Devineās gaze that made him want to live for tomorrow, when he was already scheming for the best way to do himself in. His eyes searched Dannyās desperately, trying to understand.
āIāve got you, love,ā Danny said. Love? Was that fucking it, then? Did Devine love him? āIāve fuckinā got you,ā the cunt was saying again. Dannyās eye bore into him, and he wished the gadge would look the fuck away. It was throwing him off. He wanted to reach up to turn Dannyās face into the pillow. He wanted to fuck Devine without having to look at him. But that expression on his face. He stared right back into Dannyās eyes, his mind failing to do anything except continue the rhythm of his hips. Finally, he moved, bending down to bring their mouths together again and it was furious and hot. Begbie relaxed to feel the heat of Devineās gazed off of him for a moment and as he relaxed, he came with a loud groan.
"Iāve got you,ā Devine was still saying, his voice barely audible over the sounds of their heavy breathing, as if he knew that Begbie really needed to hear it. He was already regretting everything they had just done, though he didnāt want to regret it. Rage and shame and disgust were building inside of him like a tidal wave, for he knew deep down that this was more than just fucking. He wanted to rip himself apart. He wanted to terrorize the world and make it cease to exist. He wanted to hurt Devine, smash his wee fucking pus in until it wasnāt recognizable.Ā And when the rage subsided again, he needed to know that Devine would still be there when he came back down.
UGH THIS WAS REALLY DIFFICULT Iām not really sure why. I hope it turned out okayā¦. Iām probably being a perfectionist. Iāll have to come back and re-read it later. I hope this sort of answered your question, though?
