when monoma gets back to his room there's yet another thing waiting for him. it was a small box, with little ties around it. light blue. nice, smooth, not the cheapest for sure. inside there were chocolates, pills, a small dark red feather (only sharp at the tip) and a note. "hey..! sorry we haven't talked in a while. sorry about.. last time. i got you something to sleep easier, something sweet, and something meaningful, i guess. come see me soon, yeah? don't ask where i got most of this."
When Monoma sees the box, he pouts at first in annoyance. Again. His room had been broken into... again. The lack of privacy was irritating, for lack of a better term. It was pervasive, disturbing in a way that he didn’t feel like analyzing or acknowledging, though he couldn’t deny how much he absolutely hated it, especially after the attack. Scowling, he has half a mind to toss the box away to express the frustration building up in him, but curiosity seizes him instead as he picks it up. He sighs. Damn it.
The first thing that catches his eye when he opens it is the feather, the sight of it making his lips twitch as relief seeps into his muscles. Alright... He didn’t mind this as much. Lifting it, he feels along the soft fibers, thoughtful as he reads the note.
Meaningful, huh...
He rubs the sharp little tip against the pad of his thumb vaguely as he goes through the rest of the box. The chocolate is a brand he likes that’s a little more out of the way to get, which he likes, and the pills...
...
Well. He digs the tip in a little more until it starts to prick in, and then he places it back into its box, placing the box into a drawer besides his bed. Later, then... This is something he’ll deal with later.
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Monoma knocked hard on Sen’s door. “Kaibara,” he called out, his voice cracking with the misery weighing him down. He was trying hard to keep it together but everything felt like it was falling apart around him. Just standing was an effort when he felt so close to collapsing...
He knocked again, harder this time. “Kaibara, it’s Monoma,” he gritted out. “Let me in.”
Is it true you drink alcohol because you’re in the pit of despair with your existential crisis and hopeless of your irredeemable actions that cause you fabricate an illusion of an overconfident egotistical prick who tries to bring to a WHOLE group of people down because of your shallow insecurities and ignoring the help of YOUR classmates and further embarrassing your “father” of a teacher by dooming the reputation of a hero through self awareness,selfishness and personal gain?
jesus christ if its such a burden you don't have to fucking do it..
Bakugou:
I'm just trying to help you, dumbass. Now explain.
Clearly.
Monoma:
stop calling me a dumbass
where am i supposed to start...
Bakugou:
At the beginning.
Monoma:
...
lmfao
i feel like you just want to get off on this, you should already know what happened.....
iida and i, then kaminari and i, then all the bullshit at the party, etc etc.
the messages and whatnot, that started around then.
Bakugou:
Ah. Yeah.
Obviously I knew that was the case.
You aren't a slut, by the way.
Monoma:
wh..
okay,,
Bakugou:
Whatever those stupid anons have been saying about you is pointless because they don't understand the entire story.
What matters is the fact that there are people who support you and it's better to talk to them about it than making yourself feel worse about everything that's happened.
But that's just a suggestion.
Monoma:
uh huh..
it's not just the messages though
all your friends hate me
Todoroki punched me the other day. and we got into a fight
Bakugou:
Damn.
Well...
Who doesn't hate you right now?
Monoma:
you, apparently.
Bakugou:
Cause you're not a bad person.
Monoma:
...
hey. what are you gaining from all this?
i don't get it
why are you actually trying to help me here lol like do you want something or what
Bakugou:
This isn't about me
If you wanna scream, scream at me. I don't care. But scream at someone, because you gotta get it out somehow.
Monoma:
so what, now you're just offering to be my punching bag or something? should i use you as my nice safe outlet from now on??
it IS about you because i don't get why you're doing this!!
you don't have the full story either?? you're acting like every single thing you've seen doesn't have some truth in it and it does
i am a bad person
Bakugou:
What the hell are you saying...
I'm doing this cause I don't want everyone to be upset, alright?
Damn, like it's too much for everyone to be normal again
Monoma:
well it can't be normal again
everyone's changed from this, everyone's done shit they can't take back, we just gotta move forward or
...
fine whatever you're right
Bakugou:
I'm not trying to be right.
You're right, too. I don't have the full story. Everything is probably shit right now. Fine. But that's why I wanna hear it from you, idiot. I can't help if I don't know the full situation.
Monoma:
stop calling me an idiot.
okay
honestly it's just...
a lot of bullshit.
and a lot of it is me because idk. because i like wallowing like you said. because i cant keep these things from getting to me but i try and the the things i try to not think about it end up involving other people in bad ways. everyone's getting caught up in it... todoroki only fought with me because of how upset iida was after it all. and iida's only upset because i dragged him through the ringer trying to deal with me.
i kind of like him. it's stupid. and everyone was saying all this shit and it was just easier to play into it and let it happen then fight it off, i guess. beating myself up about it all is easier. and i really don't know how to stop that. like, it's bad. there are other things and i cant say it yet
so it's kind of easier to just listen to this instead of. the other thing.
but it's bad enough that i went to the hospital about it
which is why it's kind of funny
i didn't tell anyone about this but your mom kind of, also, was there, haha
... so it's annoying when people say i'm not trying to get help at all, cuz she was helping me
so maybe that's why you're doing it too, cuz it's in your blood or something lol
you can talk now cuz now i just feel really awkward and stupid
Bakugou:
I wouldn't have expected my mom would try to help you...
but. Good. You at least talked to someone and tried to get help. That makes you strong. It means you've realized your mistakes and are trying to move past them.
That means you're strong.
And that's why you shouldn't succumb to your self-deprecation or a few spiteful people.
Monoma:
.. yeah it's weird, we're kind of friends now lol.
...
thanks
Bakugou:
Just keep pushing forward and make yourself stronger. Everything's gonna resolve itself in some way eventually.
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(ua-katsuki) God, you're so irritating. People are supporting you and you STILL listen to the people that don't matter — the assholes. Are you really so pathetic that you would allow yourself to fall into this state? You disgust me. Pick yourself up and take responsibility for your actions before I kill you. I'm sick of this shit.
Fucking kill me then if you’re so sick of it.
Why are you wasting your time just adding to all the bullshit…?
Yes, I’m pathetic, I’m disgusting, I’m the dirt under your damn boots, blahblahblah, we get it, leave me alone or do something about it because I don’t want to hear it from you…
He doesn’t move until the sun starts to ride. He spends the whole time thinking.
He kind of has to. His heart hurts too much to do much else.
Eventually, he rolls over in bed, frowning at the mess. He’s long since sobered up by now but he hadn’t thought to clean when it was still fresh. It would be more bothersome now...
Sighing, he reaches down and grabs Iida’s pillow. He means to give it a squeeze, or replace it back in its place on his bed, but something draws his eye.
Little dots of something dark, seeped into the fabric.
Dread starts to latch onto him.
It’s not hard to guess it’s blood, but why...? He hadn’t even nearly been drinking as much as that night.
Frowning, he scratches at the stains a little bit, watching morosely as it gathers under his fingernail. He notes the old, awful taste in his mouth, stale, bitter and metallic. Liquor and gore. His chest continues to ache on, and, slowly, it dawns to him, that, maybe...
Dropping the pillow, he moves to his mirror. He looks a mess, having neglected himself for days. The bandages he was supposed to be taking care of were ragged where they loosely still clung to his skin.
He opens his shirt, seeing the scars for the first time.
Seeing...
“... haha...”
That explained it.
He grins to himself, exhaustion clear as he searches his delirious reflection, seeing where the flowers had marked his skin, made it pale and white like a corpse. He sees where the skin is raised like flower stems. He sees where the smallest of buds, practically microscopic and still partially hidden under his skin, gathers over his heart like a fungus, a hungry trail creeping up like veins up and up until they disappeared just under his throat, where he still had his stitches. Moving to touch them, he lets out a sickly giggle, digging a nail under the closest little bud.
Iida had been wrong. He hadn’t been cured at all.
He had... proof.
His smile grows. He knew he hadn’t been lying... He knew it.
