#adaptive plural

Plurality journey

Stress and anxiety was a big part of my childhood and now is a part of my everyday life. But every brain has its limit and eventually when I would experience stress two disembodied voices would come to my aid. I would retreat/dissociate into my brain and they, who I now know as Damin and Maria (D&M,) would do what they could to talk me through it. Even if the talk/advise wasn't the best, it would still work and I still appreciated it. I didn't think to much about it at the time because they'd disappear when the job was done. We were like this for a long while. But due to my exposure to the plural community, I started to think about them more. When they came, I would focus on keeping them around and try to talk to them more. To actually figure out who they were and why they exist. We spoke, we picked out names, and figured out what they look like, but communication was still very wonky during this time. Eventually this led to me doing research on plurality and other "people in your head" experiences.

First it was imagimancy. Just imaginary friends I thought. But after a conversation in a selfship server I'm in, I was doubting this. D&M are far to autonomous to be imaginaries and to much like me to be soulbonds. Next was Dæmonism. I was pointed into the direction of the dæmon community and when doing my research, I'd decided that that's what they were. Sentient reflections of parts of me who take on/up a part of my internal dialogue and thoughts. And this is still kinda what they are to me to this day. Despite this, it didn't feel right. The dæmonsim community was the kindest but despite all their kindness, they still didn't have what I was looking for. I didn't create my headmates voluntarily so they aren't thoughtforms and still didn't feel like I had any answers. l still felt to multiple to call myself a singlet and the others felt it was disrespectful for me to call them sentient imaginary friends. So I started thinking "well what if I'm plural?" So I joined a few plurality servers and talked about my experiences. I spent a lot of time on pluralpedia and researching different terms and experiences. Now, we consider ourselves a median (Diversian) collective. Eventually a new headmate named Heaven formed. We had a trigger of major childhood emotions arise and then she appeared. My headmates are still parts of me/my inner thoughts given sentience, autonomy, and personhood but our plurality is more than dæmonism. They are their own people and we are multiple but still one. With 1+1+1+1=1 being the best explanation of us.

Plurality Origins

We eventually started thinking about our origin. Like I said earlier, I am not new to stress and every brain has it's limit. Is prolonged stress traumatic? A lot of my childhood was stressful and I have many memories of major stomach aches and throwing up (I wont go indepth as this is personal.) I've been in a prolonged state of stress and anxiety for most my life, I think. Maybe this prolonged stress and anxiety that I can't remember living without came from trauma or maybe it itself is traumatic. And the first time I'd ever even met them was in a time of stress and for a while that's the only time I'd hear from them. So I guess stressgenic makes sense for our origin. But despite the trauma I have, what matters now is how I heal and my brain did what it needed to do to deal with this the best way it could. So, we decided our origin is Adaptive and stressgenic.

Plurality experiences

We're functionally a singlet and experience Co-consciousness where everyone can see what I do and when one of us thinks or speaks, we all hear it. We have no amnesia between us and everyone has access to all my memories but can't remember things, I can't remember. "If you don't know, I don't know" being a phrase said frequently by them XD. We can't do full possession switching but have something similar where It feels like we blur but they can't fully control the body. We don't have a collective name but share a last name, Nightheart.

For us, headspace has to be consciously visualized. Headspace is a loft library with three upper rooms. It is a dark academia style library. The walls are lined with dark mahogany book shelves and the room is filled with desks and tables of a similar color. In the right side of the room sits a fire place with soft velvetly red chairs. This is the communal resting place that's that's away from the tv. The viewing tv is where my headmates can see the outside and is considerd "front." Up on the second floor on the left, right, and middle is where the others "sleep" or where I see them when they're not with me or if communication becomes wonky.

By the intersellar system

Plurality fear

Going into this journey was a difficult one. What if they aren't real, what if what I'm experiencing is fake, what if I just made them up, what if I don't actually hear them, what if I'm making them say things? All thoughts that go through my mind nearly everyday now. Especially on days were communication is less concrete and I don't hear from anyone. But I've found reassurance in the times were I can clearly hear and feel them. And anytime I do have a feelings of self doubt Damin always tells me I'm being ridiculous. I'm learning to trust in myself. But what if others don't believe me and treat me differently because of that? Ridiculous I know, but as a memeber of the alterhuman community I've seen how those who have diffrent experiences to the dominant community are treated. I don't want to be made an outcast for something I can't control just because others think they know what's happening in my brain.

But things like this is a part of life. At the end of the day all I can do is speak my truth.

If you'd like to know a little more, please check out our pronouns.cc

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Shout out two these three servers that have helped me through my journey

Heart x Soul and 1÷0 = undefined and The Ethereal Forest

Shout out to my mutuals and their listening ear, kinds words, and advice

@liondrakes @watcherwingedcat @mar-im-o @zith-ipeth